And I Keep Trying To Tell Myself I'm Lucky I Even Have A Job But It's Not Working - Tumblr Posts

Either I’ve got (another) migraine, or the stress from work is hitting me extra hard. I don’t know which it is but I strongly suspect its the stress. Especially since I’ve spent most of my day trying not to cry. We’ve been trying to transition to a new system at work, which will (theoretically) make things easier in the long run but right now is causing endless headache. Last week, my boss told me that I have until the 18th of this month to get our new scheduler fully functional and implemented. That is not doable in 2 weeks but he refuses to see reason. When I told him today that I would likely need at least a couple extra days (what with being interrupted every five minutes, since I’m the only fucking receptionist and also the only tech-capable person in the office for the next ten days) he told me that if I couldn’t do it, then he’d find someone who could. And maybe its just the stress talking, but there seemed to be an undertone of me being in deep shit if I couldn’t. To make matters worse, we’re short handed this week so I have one back office person to help with phones when they start ringing off the hook. I had maybe two hours total to get anything done that wasn’t answering phones, and that was with me working through my lunch.

And then, there had been talk about the counselors scheduling their own follow-up appointments (which, come on, most counseling offices do that), and the counselors were supposed to start that this week. I sent out an email this morning requesting they not schedule out past a certain date in the new scheduler so that I have a chance to finish getting everything in and not risk them double-booking themselves...and the boss sent out an email saying that we’re putting a hold on having the counselors do that. Which means my work-load is even larger now, because scheduling follow-ups from my end takes longer than it does from the counselors’ end.

I already don’t really like my job. I was hired on as data entry, and wound up getting moved to front desk--I hate phones and my anxiety has been through the roof since the position change, but I’ve dealt with it as best I can because I know we’re going through a lot of change right now (another thing I don’t like) and I’m not the only one having a hard time. But it’s gotten to the point where I dread even getting out of bed in the morning, because it means I have to go to work. By the time I get off work, I feel like a zombie. I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted, and I have no motivation for anything. I just want to go home, get into my jammies, crawl into bed, and do absolutely nothing, and I hate feeling like that.

I’ve gotten very little done in the last few weeks, and nothing at all in the last almost two. I don’t even have the motivation to pull up Netflix or play a video game, let alone do any sewing for my Tokyo in Tulsa costumes or clean or any of the million other things I really should be doing. 

I’m just so done right now...