Atsumu X Reader Angst - Tumblr Posts
pairing: miya atsumu x reader
genre: angst, post break-up
soundtrack: 飛鳥和蟬
an: I don’t think I’ll be writing haikyuu for a while but this idea whacks me in the head every now and then sooo (❍ᴥ❍ʋ)
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The wind blows, and life goes on.
The sky fades into a myriad of periwinkles and peaches, complementing an expanse of miscanthus stretching beyond the horizon which sways in the salt-kissed sunset breeze. The scenery alone would be ethereal, have it not been viewed through the hollow, doe periphery of a heartbroken blonde. As Atsumu finds himself staring into the distance, the corners of his eyes are eventually glassed with a film of tears whilst his trembling fingers tumble with a dull bracelet.
1. “Tsumu! Where are you? I thought we were supposed to go on a date at the amusement park today?”
“Damn it — sorry babe! Practice calls, and it seems like our coach isn’t planning on letting us leave any time soon. I’ll make it up to ya next time okay?” Before you could even protest, your boyfriend hung up on the call. Dismay would had been an understatement to describe how you felt at that moment: conflict, chagrin, despondence — all of which bloomed like buds deep within.
This wasn’t the first time Atsumu called off a date at the last minute, and needless to say, you weren’t pleased at all with his actions. However, in spite of the seething frustration that bubbled in your chest every time he did this to you, you reminded yourself to remain calm. You could never bring yourself to hate the blonde (or at least for now). Volleyball was a prominent part of his life, but so were you. You understood how important the sport was to Atsumu, yet with the saying being “it’s every man for himself”, a teeny bit of you hoped that he could choose his girlfriend over practice.
And with a heavy heart, you chose to put those feelings aside. After all, being his partner, shouldn’t you be unconditionally supporting Atsumu in all of his endeavours?
With the place feeling like dejá vu, it brings back faded recollections the male wishes to hold onto before they slip past his fingertips. Bit by bit, shattered fragments gradually piece themselves together, creating visages of what Atsumu would deem as his ‘sweet old days’ that he yearns to relish. Moments of you and him lying on the hill’s summit staring as remnants of tangerine and gold bask the skyline, the two of you excitedly talking about what a shared future would’ve been like, the giggles and incessant bickering that reverberate in the air like chimes whilst both of you dance under a doom of shimmering starlight — all of them come back to his mind one by one.
2. “I’m sorry y/n! I — I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend, but I’m willing to change ok? I promise I’ll spend more time with you once interhigh competitions come to an end. Please ... just wait for a little longer.”
Evident disappointment was written all over your face, and the sinking feeling that had been bugging you did nothing — but only grew stronger once you heard Atsumu’s explanation. Nevertheless, a strained grin creased your face; you simply chortled it off, reminding the blonde that it’s alright and he should focus on his volleyball competitions for the time being with a simple “Alright ... I’ll wait, Tsumu”.
To be frank, you didn’t know how long you could wait. Atsumu had been using the same reason over and over; and if you had to be honest with yourself, you were long sick of his behaviour. Of all the countless opportunities you gave your boyfriend, it felt like he took them for granted — never learning his lessons despite being forgiven repeatedly without a single complaint uttered from none other than his girlfriend.
And if he wasn’t the one to treasure the present, to cherish the bonds made and the selfless commitments devoted by you into the relationship, then why should you give him another second chance?
Twilight beckons, and a tear slips down Atsumu’s face in melancholic tranquility. Those could be called the happiest days of his entire life. Reminiscences of your smile, your touch and your laughter have long been engrained into his head, taking him on a trip down the memory lane as he thinks about you every now and then. How are you doing? Have you found someone else to replace his place in your heart? Would your mind still wander off to him? The questions throb at the back of his mind, akin to a persistent toothache. Still, the blonde knows this more than anyone else.
No matter how tormenting his regret could be, there was no way he could turn back time and make things work again. Not when the damage is done and the pain of your breakup with Atsumu still stabs him in the heart even after all these years.
In hindsight, maybe this is a lesson meant for him to learn. Perhaps he should’ve been a better lover, devoting more time into the relationship with you instead of spending most of it on volleyball. If he had prioritised you over his passion, could the heartbreak be avoided? If he had treasured his blessings, would the cicatrix in his heart remain, acting as a grim reminder of his past mistakes? In all honesty, Atsumu don’t know. It is already too late for redemption by the time the blonde opens his eyes and realises what he has done to you. Yet one thing is for sure — he shouldn’t have taken all of this for granted.
3. “I ... I don’t think this is going to work between the two of us, Tsumu.” Mustering the remaining strength you got, you decided to confront the blonde setter on a certain day. “I think ... it’s better if we end this relationship.”
To him, your confrontation bore no resemblance to a nightmare. Deafening silence lingered, wrapping its ghostly tendrils around the blonde’s neck as the grasp around Atsumu tightened with each second. Confusion wouldn’t suffice to describe the hurricane of emotions which stirred havoc inside him. Weren’t the two of you head over heels for one another a couple of months prior? What went wrong?
Happiness is, and would never be everlasting — he should’ve known that very well. Atsumu should’ve caught onto the subtle signs that set off warning bells inside his head: the chaste glances, the sudden coldness laced within your tone each time you talk, the increasing distance between you and him as the months fly by. Yet the setter is naive to say the least, failing to discern how circumstances are on the verge of spiralling down a bad turn.
4. “Wait! I ... I don’t understand. Why ... y/n?”
Your heart clenched as you heard the desperation in Atsumu’s plea, eyes evading his shocked stare; you had made up your mind, and there was no way you would be turning back. It was excruciating for things to end this way, but you had no choice. Enough was enough, you were long exhausted of this one-sided romance.
“Tsumu, I’ve had enough.” You gritted out the statement, trying your best to hold back the tears that were threatening to burst from your waterline. “Love should be mutual, and both partners should play an equal role in the relationship by devoting the same amount of time and effort into making all of this work. But is this the case between you and me?”
Instantly, Atsumu fell silent.
“For all these months I’ve endured and endured, giving my everything in a forlorn hope that our relationship would still work. I’ve given many second chances, trying to support you with everything I’ve got. But have you? Have you did anything for me in return?” Your voice began to crack, recalling how you used to sob into your pillow in the middle of the night when the blonde only cares about volleyball instead of you.
“Not everyone is willing to give a second chance ... and not everyone is willing to wait for a lifetime.”
And that was the last thing Atsumu heard before you were completely gone from his life.
A whistle in the wind pulls the blonde back into reality. As his puffy sorrel eyes interlock with the empyrean, the heart-wenching memories dissipate within an instant — followed by an exasperated sigh while Atsumu wipes falling tears off his stained cheeks.
“I must’ve been a fool ...” He begin, confessions filled with none other than inexplicable lament muttered under his breath. A multitude of constellations greet his vision; blinking and winking down at the blonde, a cynical grin is all Atsumu can manage. For once, the night sky illumined with an infinite milky belt doesn’t look so empty; at least not so — when compared to the tenebrosity of the void deep within the blonde’s heart. It reminds him of the things he had lost, the mistakes he made, and what could’ve had been a beautiful future with you had he not been the culprit who ruined it all.
“To not cherish such an amazing girlfriend, that’s so stupid of me — ugh ... why is it that we learn the pain of losing something important, when its too late for regrets? Stupid ... so stupid ...”
The wind blows, and life goes on.
The only thing Atsumu wished that hadn’t gone along with the breeze, albeit painful to hold onto, was his recollections with you.