Atsumu Angst - Tumblr Posts

cry for me

atsumu miya x reader

genre; angst, post-break up

wc; 759

notes; god this has been sitting in my drafts since august…and i just went over it and decided to at least post something here…so sorry if there are any mistakes!

inspired by “cry for me” by twice :3

You once read somewhere that good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that experience comes through bad judgment. You've always thought of your experience as a reflection of your parents' love.

Your head was still filled with images of your parents arguing on a daily basis. When you closed your eyes, you could see the screams and hateful remarks that would come out of each of their mouths.

You were an introverted person, and even though you wanted to speak up and have a say in your parents' relationship, possibly even helping to repair it, you couldn't because you were afraid. There was no guarantee they wouldn't treat you the same way they treated one another. You were a quiet and reserved individual, which portrayed you as a decent daughter in their eyes. You'd never jeopardize that. It wasn't the healthiest home, but you grew up telling yourself that it was better than not having any parents at all.

However, growing up in a family like that made you dream about the happy relationship you could have in the future; one that would save you from the toxic claws of your parents. In this lifetime, that relationship came with Atsumu Miya.

You never anticipated your awkward encounter at the cafe where you usually studied would lead to such an occurrence. It's cliche to call him your knight in shining armor, but that's exactly what he was. His sweet words of promise, the kisses he would lavish on your face after his practices, and arms that would engulf you in the tightest hugs before bed. It was impossible not to like Atsumu Miya. He was your source of happiness; he was the one who showed you the meaning of true love.

Yet, perhaps you were wrong about it all. Perhaps you were a fool; just like your mother, because that image of real love started crumbling sooner or later.

You don't recall when things began to shift. You’re not sure when the daily kisses ended, or when his beautiful whispers stopped. The arms that had once been your safe haven were now forgotten, like the toys that had gathered dust behind your closet. You didn’t know what went wrong. A happy relationship that lasted a good while, through struggles and hardships. You were both supportive of each other, helping, and aiding when one was in need. All of your fights would end up with sweet whispers of apologies; you were both happy. You knew these were red flags, and you knew you'd come to regret your decisions.

But what could you do? You loved him. And you didn’t know how to keep going without him by your side. Perhaps this was how your mother felt at the time, with the thorns of her love never letting go, rendering her unable to let go of her sweetheart.

Your lover, or now ex-lover, has always been a star that shined too bright next to your dim one in the night sky. Atsumu Miya was the center of attention wherever he went while you were the extra space that occupied his side, yet he never made you feel that way.

Maybe that’s why your heart soared in pain.

You’ve dated for three years; since the last year of high school. The wave of feeling that hit you when he asked you out was equal to the intensity of a tsunami; heavy and consuming.

Who could’ve guessed those exact emotions could resurface again; just in different conditions.

Perhaps it was your fault for disregarding every thorn that dropped in your heart anytime he hurled venomous remarks at you. Perhaps you should have realized that you were the only one attempting to keep him at your side, his star flashing so brightly that it began to blind you.

No more real love

I kept pretending I was strong

So why?

Why were you the only one who grieved the end of your relationship?

Why was there no sign of regret or pain in his face when he told you he wanted to break up with you?

Why were you the only one with tears streaming down your face, broken sobs desperately trying to leave your throat?

Why did he have a new girl in his arms two weeks after your relationship ended?

Why did he look so happy; shining brighter than he ever did next to you, while you were still grieving the loss of your love?

Cry for me the way I cried for you

I want you to cry for me.

this draft hasn’t seen any light since summer lmao…i need to finish it

Making up after an argument

Fandom: Haikyuu

Pairing: Atsumu X Fem!reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff

Format: One Shot

Warnings: None

Word Count: 0.9K

A/n: This was actually written months ago, but I totally forgot about it—

He doesn't understand this. He doesn't know why youre being so dramatic about something so silly. Its not like he did it intentionally, it was just an accident! He didn't put all the white clothes and other colored ones in the washing machine at the same time on purpose, he just wasn't paying attention to it!

And that was exactly what you were upset about.

He never payed attention to things he wasn't interested in. If the topic was not about volleyball, food or things like that, you would lose him the minute you start talking, and its annoying. Yes! You do understand that some things might not be attractive/interesting to him but still! He was your boyfriend! Couldn't he at least pretend that he was paying attention to you? Its not like you actually give a damn about his stupid volleyball career either! And that's exactly what you told him when you lost your temper and then realized you went too far,but he was gone before you could even apologize.

"Ya know what? Fuck ya and yer stupid clothes, y/n! "

He immediately left the apartment and didn't give you a chance to argue back, let alone say sorry; and that's why you ended up waiting for him being worried sick until 3AM, and then went to bed all alone, wondering if he has a place to crash at.

In the morning, you sigh in relief when you see him curled up on the couch. Sure, you would prefer to wake up next to him on the bed when his breathings gives you goosebumps, but at least he was home. You slowly walk toward him and gently shake him, until he opens his eyes, realizing its you, and goes back to sleep again, not even bothering to say anything.

"Babe" You say, while gently moving your fingers in his hair "Go sleep on the bed, you're gonna catch a cold"

"Leave me alone" He says, putting a small pout on his lips and then turns his back to you which makes you sigh, but for a different purpose this time.

You get that hes upset, but you weren't happy either. You had every right to be mad at him, but you were also aware of the fact that you pushed the wrong button, by calling his dream of being the best setter ever "stupid". Volleyball meant the world to your boyfriend and you're not clueless about it, and that is why youre going to let him get away with it.

Just this time.

Without a warning, you move him back to the position he used to be in and let your head rest on his arm while placing his hands around you. His pout becomes even wider, and starts sending daggers at your direction, which makes you chuckle a bit. "Ok, but giving me the same look you give your brother when he eats your share of food is not gonna work" "Whatever. Ain't talkin to ya anymore" He says and then looks away from you, which leads to his eyes landing on your picture on the wall, that was taken in Paris, after they won a match. You looked happy, cheering for him while he scored four points with the help of his incredible serves. Where you just pretending? Or... Are you just not into him anymore?

"Baby! Stop thinking and just talk to me!" You whine, giving him a slight peck on the lips. When you see him remaining silent for a few seconds, you decide to be the first one to talk. "Look, honey. I'm truly sorry... Its just that I've been under a lot of pressure and I need you to be around... But you're always ditching me, saying you have to practice or hang out with your friends and I've been feeling...left out" You pause, watching as his expression becomes softer and a slight bit of guilt appears in the way he looks at you. "I... Do understand that volleyball means a lot to you, and I shouldn't have said something like that. I'm really sorry and I hope you forgive me..."

Great. Now he's feeling guilty about it.

He gets it. He knows that hes been spending more time on volleyball than with you, and he knows that it's annoying. He didn't do it on purpose, but that doesn't make it less annoying. Maybe he had gone to far too, by leaving you on read when you message him during his practices, or by getting home really late, and finding you on the couch, waiting for him.

"It's fine doll... I guess that was my bad too..." He says, before leaning toward you and burying his face in the crook of your neck. You smile at his reaction, knowing that he has forgiven you already and you don't have to cry for his attention anymore. One of the things you loved about him was that he never kept you around, waiting.

All rights reserved © 2023 AshTheMadWriter. Please do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works on any platform.

The Way You Don’t Love Me -Miya Atsumu

__________________________________________________

A/N: Fun fact! This was actually originally a Yoongi fic but I decided to make it for Atsumu. The original work is quite a bit shorter than this, so if you want to see the Yoongi version let me know! It’s not all that different from this

Warnigns: N/A

Genre: angst (reference to smut)

Pairing: Timeskip!Atsumu x reader

Main Masterlist

pt.2 pt.3 pt.3.1

__________________________________________________

Maybe it was the way he stopped answering his phone every time you called or ignored your texts. Maybe it was the way he emotionlessly said hi to you when he came home from work. Maybe it was the way he repeatedly missed dates for work. Maybe it was the way his face lit up when the boys mentioned their new manager. Maybe it was the way he didn’t love you anymore.

You and Atsumuhave been together since high school, and whereas you felt your feelings evolve as you grew older, it seems that Atsumu grew out of the,. You always thought you were enough for him, but Atsumu was always changing, always wanting more out of life. It just never crossed your mind that that could mean you too.

The worst part of all of this that you know Atsumu would never in his right mind cheat on you. But his heart really did have a mind of its own. So as much as you want to kick and scream at him for letting you love him all alone, you couldn’t. You couldn’t fault him for you not being enough. At least that’s how you felt.

And while his heart moved on to someone new, yours stayed dependable, still loving and longing for him like you always did.

Keep reading

The Way You Don’t Love Me -Miya Atsumu

__________________________________________________

A/N: Fun fact! This was actually originally a Yoongi fic but I decided to make it for Atsumu. The original work is quite a bit shorter than this, so if you want to see the Yoongi version let me know! It’s not all that different from this

Warnigns: N/A

Genre: angst (reference to smut)

Pairing: Timeskip!Atsumu x reader

Main Masterlist

pt.2 pt.3 pt.3.1

__________________________________________________

Maybe it was the way he stopped answering his phone every time you called or ignored your texts. Maybe it was the way he emotionlessly said hi to you when he came home from work. Maybe it was the way he repeatedly missed dates for work. Maybe it was the way his face lit up when the boys mentioned their new manager. Maybe it was the way he didn’t love you anymore.

You and Atsumuhave been together since high school, and whereas you felt your feelings evolve as you grew older, it seems that Atsumu grew out of the,. You always thought you were enough for him, but Atsumu was always changing, always wanting more out of life. It just never crossed your mind that that could mean you too.

The worst part of all of this that you know Atsumu would never in his right mind cheat on you. But his heart really did have a mind of its own. So as much as you want to kick and scream at him for letting you love him all alone, you couldn’t. You couldn’t fault him for you not being enough. At least that’s how you felt.

And while his heart moved on to someone new, yours stayed dependable, still loving and longing for him like you always did.

Keep reading

The Way You Don’t Love Me -Miya Atsumu

__________________________________________________

A/N: Fun fact! This was actually originally a Yoongi fic but I decided to make it for Atsumu. The original work is quite a bit shorter than this, so if you want to see the Yoongi version let me know! It’s not all that different from this

Warnigns: N/A

Genre: angst (reference to smut)

Pairing: Timeskip!Atsumu x reader

Main Masterlist

pt.2 pt.3 pt.3.1

__________________________________________________

Maybe it was the way he stopped answering his phone every time you called or ignored your texts. Maybe it was the way he emotionlessly said hi to you when he came home from work. Maybe it was the way he repeatedly missed dates for work. Maybe it was the way his face lit up when the boys mentioned their new manager. Maybe it was the way he didn’t love you anymore.

You and Atsumuhave been together since high school, and whereas you felt your feelings evolve as you grew older, it seems that Atsumu grew out of the,. You always thought you were enough for him, but Atsumu was always changing, always wanting more out of life. It just never crossed your mind that that could mean you too.

The worst part of all of this that you know Atsumu would never in his right mind cheat on you. But his heart really did have a mind of its own. So as much as you want to kick and scream at him for letting you love him all alone, you couldn’t. You couldn’t fault him for you not being enough. At least that’s how you felt.

And while his heart moved on to someone new, yours stayed dependable, still loving and longing for him like you always did.

Keep reading

The Way You Don’t Love Me -Miya Atsumu

__________________________________________________

A/N: Fun fact! This was actually originally a Yoongi fic but I decided to make it for Atsumu. The original work is quite a bit shorter than this, so if you want to see the Yoongi version let me know! It’s not all that different from this

Warnigns: N/A

Genre: angst (reference to smut)

Pairing: Timeskip!Atsumu x reader

Main Masterlist

pt.2 pt.3 pt.3.1

__________________________________________________

Maybe it was the way he stopped answering his phone every time you called or ignored your texts. Maybe it was the way he emotionlessly said hi to you when he came home from work. Maybe it was the way he repeatedly missed dates for work. Maybe it was the way his face lit up when the boys mentioned their new manager. Maybe it was the way he didn’t love you anymore.

You and Atsumuhave been together since high school, and whereas you felt your feelings evolve as you grew older, it seems that Atsumu grew out of the,. You always thought you were enough for him, but Atsumu was always changing, always wanting more out of life. It just never crossed your mind that that could mean you too.

The worst part of all of this that you know Atsumu would never in his right mind cheat on you. But his heart really did have a mind of its own. So as much as you want to kick and scream at him for letting you love him all alone, you couldn’t. You couldn’t fault him for you not being enough. At least that’s how you felt.

And while his heart moved on to someone new, yours stayed dependable, still loving and longing for him like you always did.

Keep reading

💭ˎˊ˗ " you find this recipe card stashed away with three tickets to the movie challengers in a random drawer of the kitchen " ˚ ༘ 🎾 *｡𖦹⋆｡˚

forty, love … ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ ᯓ★ a tennis au! miya atsumu x gn reader x miya osamu series

꒰ there’s a constant back-and-forth in tennis. the in-between doesn’t matter. what does matter is if you can keep up when opportunity comes your way, to get your way. to be the winner. ꒱

details : long form, based on the movie challengers!!!, NO MIYACEST HERE, atsumu x y/n & osamu x y/n are like separate things even if the twins are competing for y/n's attention at first, fluff, but then just so much angst, lowk highkey toxic, infidelity, mentions of struggling with mental health (self-pressure), mentions of drinking, several suggestive scenes!, each part starts off in present day but then goes into a flashback in time, ambiguous ending! (just come along for the ride, would'ya?)

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ masterlist

– part one。

– part two。 *

– part three。 *

– part four。 *

– part five。 *

( * suggestive )

💭ˎˊ˗ " ingredients for this recipe : sneakers squeaking on tennis courts , summer sun blanketing everything in neon hues , the scent of expensive cologne , the twinkle of shiny trophies and recognitions , slightly see - through sweaty polo shirts , the ruffling of duffels and the ruffling of clothes , sweat dripping down your temples to smirking lips ... - ro ♡ "

🗒⋆ *. ୨୧⋆｡ taglist (2/30) : @zumicho , @liillyliilly (just send me an ask if you’re interested! xx)

cheater cheater

characters: bokuto, brief mentions of atsumu, akaashi is mentioned once; post! timeskip

wc: 6.3k

warnings: angst!! slightly suggestive for like two paragraphs (it’s italicized), mostly sfw, cheating obviosly

tagging: @a-kaash-me-outside​ 

a/n: in no way shape or form do I condone cheating nor do I think bokuto would ever cheat, the collab was just too fun to pass up... PLEASE head on over to @a-kaash-me-outside’s blog for the rest of the cheater cheater collab pieces!

Bokuto was seated across from you at the small dining table-it only sat four people because he had said a bigger dining table meant more space between him and yourself. You set your cup down, the water doing little to ease the nerves pooling in your stomach. You tried to stop the bouncing of your leg too but to no avail. Your eyes scanned your lover’s face, starting with his eyes that stared at a random spot on the table, down the bridge of his nose toward his lips that were set into a firm line. He was deep in thought, that much was obvious. His hair was disheveled from how many times he ran his hand through it.

Bokuto wasn’t acting like himself, and it’s safe to say he’s been like this for about a week now. His overflowing affection for you is nowhere to be found, and you figured it had something to do with their recent loss. Sure, the MSBY boys were no strangers to the concept of losing, however they had practiced tirelessly for this match and had been so sure of themselves. So, you attributed Bokuto’s uncharacteristic mood to last week’s match and went on with your day.

What else were you supposed to do after he reassured you he was fine and just needed space. You wanted to do nothing more than to pull him into a hug and run your fingers through his hair, telling him he’d win the next match for sure and that you’d one hundred percent be there, unlike the last match.

You felt as though your absence may have affected him more than he cared to admit, and you’re correct. Bokuto did want you to be there, but how could he be upset with you over you not going when you try to go to all of his matches. He understands that you can’t get away from work every time and that your work is just as important to you as volleyball is for him. He couldn’t be selfish, but he had to admit to himself he was disappointed.

However, the loss was the least of his worries.

“Kou?”

He blinked several times before his gaze lifted toward your own concerned one. “Yeah?” His expression was blank, devoid of any emotion.

Your brows furrowed in growing worry and instinctively, your hand reached out across the table in hopes his own would grasp it. You were throwing him a lifeline, hoping he’d catch it.

He didn’t. His hands remained in his lap. You couldn’t see it, but he was twirling his thumbs around each other in a poor attempt at easing his own nerves. But you could see the slightest of wrinkles on his forehead, and the way his eyes didn’t glimmer as bright as they usually did. You were afraid to speak again. Clearly his inner turmoil was slowly breaking him down, and whatever it was you wanted it to stop. But how? How could you make it stop when you couldn’t even bring yourself to ask him what was wrong, afraid that another push into any direction would be the wrong direction and you’d set him off.

Taking a deep breath, readying yourself to ask him if he was okay, your hand gripped the cup you realized you never let go. You were holding onto it so tight your knuckles were turning white. Maybe you needed the lifeline.

“Kou, are you okay?”

He continued looking at you. His gaze gradually relaxed until a slight smile curved his lips. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, was just thinking about practice today.” With that, he pushed his chair back, the scraping of the chair’s legs against the linoleum too loud in the silence. You couldn’t help but cringe as it rang in your ears. Standing up, he picked up his plate and walked into the kitchen, dumping the food into the trash before putting it in the sink. Your eyes followed his every move, and you realized he had barely eaten anything.

Before leaving the kitchen, he stopped at the table and gave you one last look. “I’m gonna shower, ‘kay?”

You hummed and watched him leave as your heart permanently lodged itself in your throat. You could hear his footsteps fade the further he walked from you. You looked down at your food that was probably too cold to eat, and then at your hand that was still holding onto the cup like it could save you from what you were feeling. You let the cup go and massage your hand before it begins to cramp. Tears pooled in your eyes and you blinked them away, not wanting to make this personal…not yet anyway. Sighing, you did what Bokuto had done moments ago in the kitchen. After emptying your plate, you walk over to the sink and stare at the dirty dishes. Well, they weren’t going to wash themselves.

  While Bokuto showered, you got ready for bed using the hallway bathroom and when you were dressed in your pajamas, you snuggled into bed hoping that maybe he’d be up for some cuddles. While you waited, you stared at the ceiling, wondering how bad their loss could have been to have your boyfriend in such an awful slump.

You had started falling asleep when your cell phone pinged. You unlocked your phone to see it was a text from Atsumu.

9:48 PM – Atsumu: Hey, are you and Bokuto in a fight?

Your brows furrowed as you read over his text, chewing on your bottom lip as you wondered what could have possibly made him think that. Well, Bokuto’s mood obviously but you would’ve thought he of all people should know why he’s feeling down.

9:50 PM – You: Uh, no. Has he said we are?

As soon as you hit send Bokuto opens the bathroom door, startling you in the process. The scent of his shampoo follows him as he walks around the room. You inhale out of habit, suddenly getting hit with a pang of nostalgia. That soapy scent that clung to him whenever you cuddled him after his shower was strong enough to ease your worries, and suddenly you wanted nothing more than to be engulfed in his arms.

You sink back into bed, leaving your phone on the nightstand in the process. You turn on your side as you watch Bokuto sit on the edge of the bed, his back toward you. You tug on the hem of his shirt to get his attention.

He turns around, a brow raised, and you know he’s waiting for you to speak.

“Atsumu asked me if we’re fighting.”

He swallowed and you could see his Adam’s apple bob, causing you to sit up.

“Bokuto, have you told them we’ve been fighting?”

Bokuto couldn’t bring himself to say no because he knew it was going to be easier for him to handle you being mad at him over this than over why he was truly pushing you away. He wanted to get used to the silence before sealing the deal. He knew it was selfish of him. He was cushioning the blow for himself, but who would cushion it for you?

You mistook his silence for a definitive yes. Why was he telling his teammates that you and him were in the middle of a fight? When you in fact were not. You say his name, this time your voice is a little louder, firmer.

“Bokuto.”

His heart clenched at your use of his surname. There was no love laced in your voice either, only concern and a growing frustration. But you were still at his side. He was still going to get to feel the bed dip from your weight, and he’d savor it; he’d savor every last bit. He didn’t say anything other than a soft-spoken goodnight. He lied on his back and got comfortable under the covers, or as comfortable as he could since you were still sitting up and glaring daggers at him.

“This isn’t over.” You sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time since he had returned home from practice. You reach for your phone to send Atsumu one last text before turning off the lamp on your nightstand.

10:13 PM – You: I guess we are…

  By the time you wake up Bokuto’s gone. You look over at his side of the bed, running your fingers over his pillow. There was no use in starting your day in a sour mood, so you swing your legs off the bed and stand up, deciding that your boyfriend’s mood won’t ruin yours. You start to get ready for work, the only noise in your room coming from the open window. Quickly, you make your way toward the kitchen, making breakfast while the TV hums quietly in the background. You needed some form of noise other than the ticking of the clock and the air conditioning, and the news did just fine in filling the apartment with whatever was going on in the world.

While you eat, Atsumu sends you another text.

7:27 AM – Atsumu: Are you okay?

You lock your phone after skimming over the message, not bothering to respond yet. Damn Atsumu and the care he has for you. Being Bokuto’s girlfriend comes with its perks. You both share the same group of friends because let’s admit, who could hate them. Of course, you both have your share of personal friends but for the most part, you’re always around one of Bokuto’s friends.

Throughout the years as Bokuto’s girlfriend, Atsumu and you became close. His friendship turned into one you valued a lot, but you couldn’t deal with his questions at the moment, not before work. Later. Later would be better.

And like that, later turned into never. You were headed home from work and had gone through the day with no text or call from your beloved partner. You can’t say the same for Atsumu. He called you during your lunch break, which you ignored, and he texted several times more after. You ignored them all.

This wasn’t like Bokuto, and you were beginning to get tired of the radio silence. He never pushed you away, especially when he needed you the most.

Then it dawned on you.

He’s going to break up with you. It only made sense considering it seemed like he no longer needed you. Suddenly, an immense weight fell on your shoulders at the thought of having to face the fact that he no longer loves you. When did he stop? You rack your brain for clues, for telltale signs that show he obviously doesn’t want to be with you anymore. And that’s when the confusion settles in because prior to their loss he had never gone a day without telling you he loved you. Not a day had gone by without him looking at you with the utmost adoration. He never stopped loving you.

So, why the sudden change? If it wasn’t you, was it the team?

You pulled out your phone to call Atsumu, feeling that for the first time in over a week you had an idea of what was going on. He answers after the first ring and you can’t help the smile that graces your features.

“Finally, I hear from ya.” You can hear the scowl in his voice and you huff out a quiet laugh.

“I’m sorry, ‘tsumu. Hey, I’ve got a question.”

“Uh-oh, sounds serious. Should I be worried?”

You hold your phone between your shoulder and ear as you unlock the front door of your shared apartment with Bokuto. Atsumu can hear the jingle of your keys as you hum a quiet no in response to his question. He can hear you shut the door behind you and the click of the lock, no doubt your shoes probably being slipped off after shrugging off your coat. You drop your keys in a bowl by the door before making your way to the kitchen to get something to drink.

“Atsumu, I’m the one that’s worried. Did Bokuto get into an argument with any of you guys after your last game?”

Atsumu swallows thickly as he recalls the memory of the last game, shuddering as if you had just rubbed salt into the wound. He thinks about what Bokuto had said after, about how he wished you were there and that he would’ve played better had you been cheering him on. But he can’t remember a fight. After the game, the group hit a bar and got tipsy. The night blurs into a muddied mess he can’t remember.

You wait with baited breath as he silently picks through his brain, trying to gather the pieces of that night. You’re about to say his name to get his attention but he speaks up before you can.

“No, we haven’t fought since then. But that’s what I wanted to talk to ya about. Are you two fighting?”

You set down the cup you reached for and fill it with water. “No, Atsumu, we’re not. Which is why I was hoping he’s been upset with one of you guys.” You take a sip and set the cup down harder than you intended. Water spilled over the edge and you shook your hand to get the water off.

“Hoping?” Atsumu can hear you open and close a cabinet.

You wiped down the counter after having grabbed a napkin. You sigh into the phone as you throw it in the trash. “Yes, Atsumu. I was hoping.”

That’s when Atsumu hears it, the helplessness in your voice.

You’re slowly coming to the realization that Bokuto doesn’t want you anymore. You hear keys jingling and the door knob rattle, announcing your boyfriend’s arrival. The panic you feel terrifies you but you can’t help it.

“I gotta go ‘tsumu! He’s here.” And with that, you hang up.

Bokuto steps in quietly despite seeing that the kitchen light is on. It’s only late in the evening, still too early to go to sleep, but he was hoping he wouldn’t have to see your face or hear your voice. He needed to keep the distance. He holds his breath as he slips his shoes off and drops his duffel bag by the couch, waiting for you to come bounding up to him the way you usually do to greet him after practice. But you don’t. And he’s afraid. He’s afraid to call out your name, afraid that you’ll respond.

You’re frozen in place by the counter, gazing at the water in your cup, vision blurring the longer you stare. Bokuto takes cautious steps toward the kitchen, and when his eyes land on your obviously tense figure his heart deflates. You both were walking on eggshells around each other, and he was to blame.

He could tell you now and get the heartbreak over with, but the devil on his shoulder told him to wait one more week. Just one more. It was awfully selfish and it made his gut twist in guilt but he couldn’t let you go. You’re his everything. You kept him grounded. Who was going to tell him to take a break when he pushed himself too hard during practice? Who was going to wash his hair when he was too tired, or simply because he wanted to spend time with you? Who was going to reassure him every morning and night? No one else would hold him the way you did because you held him as if he’d disappear. No one would love him the way you did.

You blinked several times before shifting your gaze to his face, and you noticed the way his eyes welled with tears.

“Kou? Do you still love me?”

His heart clenched as he registered your words. He wanted nothing more than to pull you into a hug and apologize for how he’s been treating you. You have no idea how much he wishes that’s all he has to apologize for, how desperately he wants to be able to blame their recent game for his awful behavior.

His ears ring with your question. He does still love you, and precisely because he loves you, he should tell you.

You stand there, waiting for Bokuto to answer. His eyebrows furrow as he thinks, and you wonder if he truly has to think about how to respond to a simple yes or no question. He doesn’t speak, but he closes the gap between you with quick strides. He pulls you into his arms, cradling the back of your head with one of his hands while his other arm snakes around your waist.

He holds you close as he wills the tears not to fall, and as he runs his fingers through your hair, he recalls the brief moments he remembers of that night. He shuts his eyes to force the images away but that only makes them more vivid.

He knew it was wrong as his fingers danced along her skin. Was he that upset about your absence from his game? He understood you were busy, and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened had you been there. Perhaps they would’ve won. Perhaps they could’ve made it further into the tournament. Perhaps they could’ve stepped onto the court once more. All these maybes and what ifs were useless, he knew that. And yet…

He was too far gone to care as he let himself indulge in the girl beneath him. She clung to him tightly as he continued to take the stress and the disappointment of the day out. A light sheen of sweat was present on both of their bodies, and the moon illuminated them throughout the entire time, like a blanket meant to keep Bokuto Koutaro’s secret. The pleasure was short lived as he realized that she didn’t fit perfectly against him the way you did. You two were like puzzle pieces that fit every time, two souls bound together. He couldn’t bear to keep his eyes open. He squeezed them shut tight and his ears rang with the lewd sounds that tumbled past her red lips.

Bokuto opens his eyes as he clings to you. A single, guilty thought sat in the back of his mind, however. What she doesn’t know won’t kill her. Bokuto’s arms slightly tighten at the intrusion. He shouldn’t be thinking like this. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be playing with your emotions the way he currently was. He saw the way your eyes looked at him after asking him if he still loved you. The way your eyes, glassy with unshed tears, were like an open door. He could see the fear, the confusion, the hope-your life was hanging on the balance of that one question. He knew his answer would either lift the current weight off your chest or would weigh you down until you couldn’t breathe.

So, he decided to wait.

He let out a shaky breath as he pulled back to look at you. “Of course, I still love you.” He turned you so that he could lead you toward the room. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

You eyed him warily, unconvinced despite his reassurance, but for tonight you’d play along. You were tired, both mentally and emotionally. So, you wait for your boyfriend to turn off the kitchen lights, then let him lead you to your bedroom. Bokuto gulps as he walks down the hallway with his hand on the small of your back. He felt worse than before, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to make it through another week. He desperately wanted to give himself a few more days with you, but the guilt was eating him alive.

The atmosphere is tense as the both of you get ready for bed, opting to take turns using the bathroom unlike your usual routine, which consists of the two of you shoving each other to get to the sink first. Tonight, there’d be no playful shoves while brushing your teeth, just your own pair of eyes with dark bags under your eyes staring back at you.

You settle into bed, both of you staying on your own side. You’ve been with Bokuto long enough to know he can’t sleep without holding you, so you’re very aware of the dark bags under his eyes too. Neither of you have been able to get much sleep, and tonight is no different. He tosses and turns, kicks the blanket off then pulls it over him again. And this continues well into the early morning, until finally you give in and reach for his hand.

He tenses up, then slowly starts to relax. You turn on your side so you can wrap an arm around his torso, and you can tell he isn’t fully relaxing his body into the mattress. You pull him close, your hand rubbing circles into his lower back, and his breathing eventually deepens. Sighing, you kiss his forehead and cup his face in your hand, your thumb smoothing out the wrinkles on his forehead, then rubbing over the apples of his cheek.

He was distraught and you weren’t sure why. It had to be more than having lost a match. He’d lost games before and never reacted like this. You kiss his forehead once more before wrapping his arms around you so that you too could fall asleep. Maybe tomorrow during that split second after waking up where your memory is foggy, you’ll think that it’s just another morning waking up in his arms. And maybe you’ll be able to trick yourself, for even just the briefest of moments, that you’re happy.

Bokuto may have had the same idea because after waking up the following morning, the sky still a pale blue, the city still quiet, he forgets what’s been plaguing his mind. He pulls you in close and kisses your forehead like he always did before. A smile graces his face, and it’s a genuine smile. The one where his eyes turn into crescents and his lips pull back to reveal his teeth. He’s happy, truly happy, for a few seconds. And then the weight of the world collapses on him and he feels like he’s falling. He rubs his temple with a hand then untangles himself from you, giving you one last longing look before stepping into the bathroom to get ready.

He always goes to the gym before practice, and if not the gym, then he goes for a run. He gets ready for the rest of his day as quietly as possible so as to not wake you up, and before he leaves the room, he leans over your sleeping figure and presses a kiss to your forehead, then the tip of your nose. He looks at you and feels his chest tighten because this is what he threw away. He risked the unconditional love and safety you gave him all because he was upset that you couldn’t go. There was no excusing that. It was a ridiculous reason really, because it makes him sound selfish. And he was, in that brief moment, he was selfish and it was going to cost him a relationship he never thought would end. Because when he pictured his wife, it was you. You two were supposed to grow old together. It was supposed to be you and him in this life and every other life that was to come.

He blinks the tears away, leaves a chaste kiss, and turns to leave the room when you reach out and tug at his shirt. Sleepily, you mumble a soft I love you then let go. You continue sleeping as if you hadn’t just ripped his heart out. Bokuto covers his mouth before he can let out a choked sob. He deserves to feel this torment and more, because what you’d be feeling would be a thousand times worse. He turns on his heels and leaves the room, not bothering to grab breakfast before leaving the apartment. He had to get away, because being inside your shared dwelling was suffocating.

  The next few days go by like a blur. You’ve gradually become accustomed to the quieter responses you get from your boyfriend. He’s somewhat responsive now and reciprocates the featherlight kisses you press to his cheek whenever he arrives or leaves your home, and you think that maybe he’s beginning to get over it. However, you can tell he’s not completely back.

So, when Bokuto asks you to wash his hair after one of his practice sessions, you think finally, his sour mood is gone and the Bokuto you know and love is back. You hope he’ll be cuddly after because you miss being in his arms-his arms that kept you safe and warm. Nothing would ever beat being held by him because he held you like nothing else mattered, as if nothing more important would ever exist at the same time as him.

Little did you know, Bokuto was savoring the last few moments he was allowing himself to share with you. He’d tell you tonight. He didn’t want to tell you, but my god, the guilt was gnawing at his insides. Every time he looked at you his stomach would turn, and seeing the hopeful look in your eyes when he’d press a kiss to your cheek was like a punch to his gut. He knew you deserved better.

You follow Bokuto into your shared room, a small smile raising the corner of your lips as you walk past him and into the bathroom. “I’m gonna start your bath, Kou.”

He hums in response as he starts to pull his shirt over his head, but stops and pulls his shirt back down so he can scan your shared bedroom. He’d probably never see his room with your belongings again. His place won’t feel as inhabited considering he was gone for long hours most of the time, whether it be for training or practice, matches at home or out of the country. You made his apartment feel like a home, with your clothes thrown over the chair in the corner of the room, your skincare a disarray in the bathroom cabinets after the two of you would have your weekly skincare date because sometimes it was all he’d have time for but at least you were spending time together. He noticed the books on your nightstand, one a little more worn out than the rest because it was your favorite. He knows if he were to open it, he’d find your messy handwriting, which was usually neat but because of the limited space it looked messy, in the margins of the pages. Your glasses sat atop the book and that’s how he knows you had been reading it before he arrived.

He looks over to the closet where your clothes are clearly overtaking his half. Once you leave, he’ll have room to spare. He finds the rest of your books sitting atop the shelves in the closet, and he recalls you shoving them in any place they’d fit because you just had so many. His eyes wander to the photos of the two of you, some plastered to the walls while others are placed in picture frames that sit atop both of your nightstands, your vanity, your bookshelf, anywhere that has enough space for a frame. He hopes you’ll let him keep a few, for his memories’ sake.

You peek your head out from the bathroom after having called out Bokuto’s name twice, only to be ignored. “Hey Kou, did you not hear me?”

He turns around, tears falling down his cheeks. Your frustration is long forgotten as you walk toward him, pulling him into the tightest embrace. “Kou, whatever it is that’s bothering you…you know you can tell me, right?”

At that, he sobs. Loud. His shoulders shake uncontrollably as the dam he had built throughout the past two weeks crumbles. His resolve shatters as his tears soak your shirt. His fingers grip your shirt tightly as he holds you impossibly close. He manages to quiet down, choking on his whispered response. “But I can’t tell you.”

You try to pull back, but his grip only gets tighter as he buries his face into your neck. “Kou, you need to tell me why you’re so worked up. Baby, I’m worried about you.”

He lets you pull back just a bit, and you cup his face so you can thumb his tears away. His heart constricts at both the pet name and at the way you’re gently holding his face. He continues to speak in a hushed tone. “I can’t tell you because you’ll hate me and never want to see me.” At his admission, tears well in his eyes again and you can’t wipe them away quick enough. You settle for just cupping his face in your hands.

“Why would I hate you? Did you do something worth hating?”

He squeezes his eyes shut, not being able to look at you as he nods. At this, your own heart constricts, and the concern your heart held for Bokuto slowly turned into anguish. What had he done?

“Bokuto…what did you do?”

He opens his eyes, the anguish in your heart somehow reflected in them. You could see the fear, it was the same fear you had last week, the fear of losing one another. He stumbled over his own words; the panic evident. “I-I’m your Kou!” He choked on his own sobs as he clung to you once more.

You were at your wits end though. You were tired of feeling like something was being kept from you. “Bokuto, please! Just spit it out!”

His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were shut tight as he confessed. “I cheated! Okay?!” His chest heaved as if he had just run a marathon. “I cheated…” he repeated, quieter this time.

Your hands fell to your sides, your body numb as you processed what he just said. He cheated? Cheated when? With who? No, you didn’t want to know who. You felt your knees begin to buckle, so you sat on the bed before you could fall. You stared ahead but not really seeing. You couldn’t tell if you wanted to cry out of disappointment, out of sadness, or out of anger.

Despite clearing your voice, it still came out strained when you spoke. “When?”

Bokuto looked at you with wide eyes. “When what?”

“My god Bokuto, don't be an idiot. When did you cheat?”

He grimaced as you called him both by his last name and an idiot. It hurt like hell and he wanted nothing more than to fall to his knees to beg you to talk about something else, about how you two were going to get over this. But he was glued to his spot. “The night we lost.”

You scoffed after realizing it’s the only game you missed this season. “So, let me get this straight…I miss one game and you screw some random girl that looks your way?” You stand up, realizing if you stay beside him, you’ll cave. Because with that look of utter remorse you’re sure he could convince you to stay, but you won’t. As easy as it is to forgive Bokuto Koutaro, you know you’ll never forget. You can try and work this out with him, but this is something you’d hold over his head for the rest of his life. You knew that’d only make your life miserable. So, you walk to the closet and grab a duffel bag, throwing in a few changes of clothes to get you through a couple of days until you’ve completely moved out.

Bokuto sees the resolve on your face, and he knows that no amount of crying and begging will get you to stay. He stands in the doorway of the closet, effectively blocking your only way out, and he foolishly asks you a question he already knows the answer to. “Can’t you stay? Can’t we work this out? Because it wasn’t like that I swear!” He tentatively reaches his hand out, but you retreat.

You finally look at him, angry tears spilling down your cheeks. “So, what am I supposed to make of this then?! Huh?!” You turn your head so you can blink the tears away.

“I don’t know! Think of anything other than me not loving you because I swear, I do!” Warm tears run down his cheeks again, this time in defeat.

You angrily wipe at your eyes. “No, Bokuto! If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done that! How could you have been so selfish?! You knew I was busy and yet you couldn’t keep it in your pants long enough until you got home!” You dropped your duffel bag after zipping it closed. “You came home to me right after, Bokuto! I took care of you that night because of how wasted you were! You came home and slept beside me after doing God knows what!” This time you let the tears flow freely, hoping that the hurt in your eyes and the pain laced in your voice hurt your now ex-boyfriend tenfold. You wanted him to hurt the way you were and more.

He reached for you, pulling you into his arms, and you had never felt more repulsed in your life. His arms that once promised security and safety, his arms that you could call home, no longer were any of that because those same arms embraced another woman. You shoved Bokuto off, pushing him as hard as you could but it didn’t faze him. “Bokuto, move.”

The look in your eyes was enough to kill, and so he stepped aside. He was frozen in place as he watched you grab the duffel bag from the floor and walk past him as if he’s not there. He watches as you grab your phone to call God knows who, but when he hears you say Atsumu’s name, his stomach flips. Atsumu would hate him for this, probably for the rest of their lives.

You continue surveying the room and the bathroom for any necessities you may need as you wait for Atsumu to stop talking. Your voice is hoarse when you speak. “I’m leaving in a minute or so, Atsumu. I’d rather drive myself then wait for you to get here. I can’t spend another second with him.”

Bokuto balls his hands into fists because now you won’t even address him by his name. He knows he’s the one to blame, yet he can’t help the tinge of jealousy.

“I know I’m in no condition to drive, but I just can’t stay!” You let out a frustrated breath. “Sorry ‘tsumu. I’d just rather risk it right now. Look, I finished packing. I’ll see you soon.” You hang up the call as you sling the duffel bag over your shoulder and start walking down the hallway.

Bokuto knows there’s nothing worth saving anymore, you have made your decision abundantly clear, and yet he follows you anyway. He stands a few feet away from the entrance, giving you plenty of space so you can put on your sweater and shoes. When he speaks, his voice is hoarse too, and he has to clear it several times so he can speak clearly.

“Can I…can I keep a few photos?”

You pause midway of tying your shoes and look up from your crouched position by the door. His figure is blurry from the tears you’re holding back, so you let out a humorless chuckle to mask the hurt because you would not give Bokuto the satisfaction of knowing that you too felt like your heart had been ripped out. You notice him flinch at your indifference and feel a small sense of pride, but the feeling doesn’t last nearly as long as you hoped. “Do whatever you want with the photos, Bokuto. I don’t care.”

You stand up, suddenly not wanting to leave. This had been your home for the last few years, he had been your home for the last few years. You take in a deep breath, readying yourself for whatever it is you’ll feel once you leave. You put your hand on the door knob and pause, looking at Bokuto over your shoulder. “I hope it was worth it.”

Bokuto can only watch from where he’s glued to the floor. His limbs feel too heavy to move. Your figure is blurry to him as well, but he shamelessly lets the tears fall. He wants you to see that he’s sorry despite knowing that won’t change the outcome of the situation.

You step outside, the cool air allowing you to breathe freely for once in the last two weeks. Before shutting the door, you give him one last, good look. “I’ll come get my stuff when you’re not home, and since you’re never really home it shouldn’t be that hard.” You couldn’t help the jabs that you were throwing his way.

“I’ll have ‘tsumu accompany me, so I can be sure you won’t be here. I know you won’t wanna face him any time soon.”

Bokuto just nods, because he hears you but doesn’t quite understand. His ears are ringing after every sentence you speak. He doesn’t hear the soft goodbye Bokuto that tumbles past your lips before closing the door with a soft click. And he wishes he had, because his name coming from your lips would always sound heavenly no matter in what tone you said it.

He walks toward the window and pushes the curtain aside. He watches you pull out of the driveway, and just like that, you’re gone. Just like that, his relationship is over. He pulls out his phone because there’s only one person he could talk to right now that would hear him out.

He puts his phone up to his ear and impatiently taps his foot as the line continues to ring. Finally, they pick up, and the breath Bokuto is holding to keep his composure is released. He lets the curtain fall closed as he begins to cry again and somehow, he manages to spit out a few words through choked sobs. 

“Akaashi…she’s gone.”

the miya’s birthday

characters: atsumu, osamu; post! timeskip

wc: 989

warnings: spoiler at the beginning about osamu

a/n: kinda angsty, maybe even bittersweet?? it’s still october 5th in calfornia so bite me, ‘kay? this isn’t proofread either so if you catch anything please let me know

It was October 4th, just a few minutes before midnight, before October 5th, and Osamu was closing up Miya Onigiri. He twisted the key in the lock, pulling the key out after hearing a soft click, and begins the short walk to his car. The night was quiet save for his footsteps against the pavement and the buzzing of the lampposts lining the sidewalk. He was tired, to say the least, and wasn’t exactly looking forward to his birthday.

Don’t get him wrong, sharing his birthday with a twin can be fun, and he would say he cherished each and every birthday spent beside Atsumu; however, this birthday would be different, it’d be quieter, less exciting. He didn’t hold anything against Atsumu, after all, his brother was just doing what he loved.

They both were lucky enough to be doing what they had only dreamed of as high schoolers. Osamu chuckles, noting that they were such kids when attending Inarizaki. That time of their lives seems so far away now, like a hazy fog in the morning that is gone by midday. Osamu unlocks his car, getting in swiftly and turning the key in the ignition. The engine purrs as the car awaits to be driven. Osamu knows he won’t make it home before midnight, so he waits in his car instead, waits because he knows his brother will call.

And just a minute before midnight, his phone lights up with a call from his twin brother, from the person who he can always count on no matter what. Osamu rubs his eyes to clear his vision, which had begun to blur due to how tired he is. He answers the call and Atsumu, sticking to his very nature, begins to obnoxiously sing Happy Birthday. Osamu laughs and sings along, sleep long forgotten because Atsumu can make you forget whatever it is you’re feeling for a moment, can make you forget your sorrows while he’s with you.

Once the off-key singing is over, they both speak.

“Happy birthday, ‘samu.”

“Happy birthday, ‘tsumu.”

They look at each other, not all surprised they spoke at the same time because they’d done that plenty of times before. And true to their nature, they both burst into a face-splitting fit of laughter, both probably reminiscing about how they used to speak simultaneously so often as kids that it freaked their mom and other kids out.

Osamu manages to calm down first, and at seeing Atsumu wipe tears from the corners of his eyes, he blurts out, “I miss ya.”

Atsumu’s joyous smile turns into one of nostalgia, a smile that seems equally sad as it is happy, as he reminisces of moments from when they were kids. “I miss ya too, ‘samu.”

In the midst of the silence that fell after the quiet confessions, Atsumu finally takes notice of Osamu’s surroundings. “Ya still at work?”

“Nah, just in my car.”

Atsumu shakes his head. “But at work.”

“Well...yeah. In the parking lot of my job.”

“Ya mean yer dream job.”

“Where are ya taking this conversation, ‘tsumu?”

Atsumu sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, eyebrows furrowed as he ponders. With one hand, he begins to pick at the skin of his thumbnail, because where was this conversation headed. Truthfully, he knew what it is he wanted to say, and he was never one to hold back, so why was he struggling to just say what he needed to say.

Osamu picks up on his brother’s inner turmoil, having a gut feeling as to what Atsumu meant. “‘tsumu...I don’t hold it against ya. Yer where you need to be, the same way I’m where I need to be.”

Atsumu looks at his brother through the phone, eyes glossing over with tears desperately wanting to tip over. And he recalls to when they were in grade school, when they had finally made it to the double digits.

They stood under a big tree, about to bury a time capsule that they promised to open after another decade. Both were covered in dirt from head to toe, and Atsumu had even gotten some in his hair. You’d think they used each other to dig a hole instead of a shovel with how dirty they were.

Under the big tree that enveloped them in it’s cool shade they also promised each other to always celebrate every birthday together, no matter what. It didn’t matter if they were in the middle of a fight or if they were too busy, they promised to do whatever it takes to be together for every birthday. And so they upheld that promise, a promise so special, a promise that held the weight of the world, every year. That is, until...

Until today, with the Miya twins staring at each other through a phone screen, turning 26 away from each other. But Osamu couldn’t blame Atsumu. Atsumu was doing what he wanted with a passion so intense it was enviable. But Osamu was on the same page with that same passion, so he understood Atsumu. And it would’ve been hypocritical of him to expect Atsumu to fly back, when he could’ve flown to his brother all the same.

“Yer not mad?”

Osamu offers a genuine smile. “No, ‘tsumu. I could never be mad at ya for doing what ya love. Volleyball needed ya elsewhere, and my shop needs me here.”

Atsumu smiles a relieved smile, yet his eyes water again. “‘m still sorry I couldn’t make it.”

Osamu waves him off. “We’ll have next year.”

Atsumu smiles, because he knows he can count on Osamu the same way his brother counts on him. No matter how many fights they get in, they’ll always have each other. Atsumu nods in agreement, wiping at his eyes so he can see Osamu clearly. “Yeah, we will.”

you look like you’ve seen a ghost

a ghostface au

characters: atsumu and reader; post! timeskip

wc: 2.1k

warnings: PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS Y’ALL. THIS IS THE DARKEST THING I’VE EVER WRITTEN SO PLEASE PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS! use of pet names such as ‘doll’ and ‘my love’, slightly suggestive early on in the fic but nothing too explicit, mentions of reader having to use a safe word, there is a knife involved so there will be graphic content since the knife is used to harm reader, stabbing, harming, chasing, overpowering, blood, violence, death; MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! this is heavily ooc for atsumu

a/n:  i debated for a long time whether i’d post this or not, so i just hope people heed my warnings. this is loosely based off of the scream movies, which is why it’s being posted the day of the official release of scream 5! i love horror movies y’all that’s why i felt like writing this. also i watched scream 5 yesterday since there was a showing with a live q&a after the movie, and y’all david arquette was so giggly it warmed my heart! not proofread! and thank you @haikyutiehoe​ for beta reading <3

Did you ever think you’d find yourself in a situation like this? No, not in the slightest. Writhing beneath Atsumu, wriggling in his firm grasp in a feeble attempt to slip away. His hands, warm and rough from callouses, held you close. There was no escaping. He had tossed the mask aside long ago, its empty eyes now mocking. Tears welled in your eyes while Atsumu’s glimmered with a craze you had never seen before, not even when he was dead set on winning a match.

“Atsumu, this isn’t funny anymore. Cut it out!” Your voice was hoarse from yelling, only you had been faking it for the most part, thinking Atsumu was just messing around and trying to scare you. Only when the very real, very sharp knife he pulled out from behind his back was held dangerously close to your jugular did it start to dawn on you. But by then he had already pinned you to the bed, and you remember his laugh had suddenly seemed more menacing, more daunting.

See, when you asked Atsumu to watch your all-time favorite slasher film with you, you didn’t think it’d come to this. So really, you’re to blame for your own death…and in a way, the fall of a famous volleyball player that would definitely end up in jail for brutally slaughtering his girlfriend. That is, if he was found guilty. Atsumu is as cunning as he is handsome, but most don’t see it. He hides it well under his boyish charm and dazzling smile. Besides, that accent gets him favors left and right. The judge would probably go weak at the knees and give Atsumu nothing more than a slap on the wrist if there just so happened to be enough evidence to take him to trial.

After having dated him for almost a year, you realized you had never watched the movie with him. You had mentioned it to him a couple of times before, but he never had the time to sit down and enjoy the movie with you. He was always busy, and though you knew that this is what comes with dating someone such as Atsumu, that didn’t mean you were any less bummed about it. So, when Atsumu went up to you one day during his off-season and asked you to put on the movie, you were excited to say the least. And he was hooked. You both ended up binging the rest of the movies until the early morning. You remember looking out the window and noticing the orange and pinkish hues in the sky after the movie marathon. You can almost hear the way he laughed then-an astonishing difference from the way he was laughing now.

And that’s where his fascination with Ghostface started. It was laughable really, because you had gone through this insane phase a few years prior. You remember how quickly you lost count on how many times you watched the first movie. You were just glad he was able to enjoy the movies you enjoy so much. So, when he came home one day with a Ghostface costume, you didn’t think much of it. You thought it was pretty neat actually since it wasn’t one of those cheap costumes. Who knew he’d end up taking it too far?

It started out subtle-the scaring. He’d put on the costume and hide in the hallway closet or under the bed. He’d jump out at you or grab your ankles, anything to get a reaction out of you. Of course, you’d scream because even after the countless number of times that he’d scared you half to death you’d still fall for it. You’d both laugh it off though, and more often than not it would lead to a heavy make out session on the closest surface. Not that you had a thing for the mask, more so you were always up for a quickie with Atsumu. Actually, you were up for anything so long as Atsumu was there. If he was having fun who were you to deny him of his harmless pranks?

To Atsumu this was a rush-chasing you was a rush. And he found himself loving the surge of adrenaline that coursed through his body as you screamed-however fake those screams may be. After a while, he’d find himself gripping you a little tighter, pulling your hair a little harder just to see you wince and suck in a breath of air as you whined about how he was too rough. And he wanted to be rougher, to see just what your limits were. Of course, you had a safe word, and you found yourself using it at an alarming rate. He wasn’t trying to please you anymore; he was trying to break you. He wanted to see how far you could bend until you snapped.

The increasing red flags should have been enough to get you to pack your bags. And you were ready to. You just wanted to have one conversation with Atsumu to talk about whatever it is he was feeling, and you hoped you’d both be able to work it out before you resorted to leaving. He promised he’d stop, and true to his word he did. He wrapped you around his finger and had you eating out of the palm of his hand. He let weeks go by, being on his best behavior. It was so sudden, so drastic you’d be lying if you said you weren’t concerned. But he had you so wonderfully wrapped up in a blanket of ignorance that when he brought up the mask again weeks later you played along. After all, Ghostface was your favorite slasher.

Oh, how you’d regret showing him the movie. And you do. You regret it more than you’ve ever regretted anything in your entire life. Because with the way Atsumu eyed you, with a look in his eyes you’d never seen before, his lips curling into the most godawful smile you’d ever witnessed, you knew if you didn’t run out of your shared apartment alive within the next few minutes you wouldn’t be walking out at all.

Atsumu tapped both of your cheeks with the tip of the knife, a mocking lilt to his voice as he repeated what you said. He dug the tip of the knife into your left cheek just enough to form a dimple. “Cut what out, love?”

His head was tilted, an almost innocent look in his eyes but you knew better. And as he hovered over you, dragging the knife along your neck and down to your stomach, you kneed him in the groin, pushing Atsumu off of you before making a run for your front door. Luckily your bedroom door had been left open, and as you ran down the hallway you heaved a sigh of relief as you welcomed the view of the front door.

However, Atsumu had all his bases covered. He had deadbolted the front door. When? Who knows. How you could have missed that is beyond you. Nonetheless, you jiggled the door knob, but of course the door didn’t budge. You continued to jiggle the door knob, desperately hoping the door would magically open. Your heart was pounding in your ears so loud that you almost missed that behind you, a slightly hunched over Atsumu was shaking the keys dangling from his fingertips. Your blood ran cold.

“What’s the matter, doll? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” And despite his slightly pained expression, you could hear the smugness in his voice and the slightest of smirks tugging at the corner of his lips-a smirk that said he had won and you had lost.

You began to bang on the door, screaming out for help in hopes that the neighbors would hear you. And he laughed. A laugh so awful you couldn’t help but let out a sob. You turned around and pressed your back against the door. As long as you had your eyes on him you could defend yourself.

“So, what are ya’ gonna do now, love?” You shivered at the way the word love rolled off his tongue. What was once the sweetest of pet names now dripped with a hate you didn’t know he harbored; his tone laced with a venom you were sure could kill you. And as he stalked toward you, you decided to fight. Really because there was nothing else you could do. There was no use in letting him close the shortening gap between the two of you, and closing it yourself would surprise him and hopefully have him lose his balance, if only slightly.

So, you lunged at him once he was close enough to you. But just as Atsumu is cunning, he had been enamored with you. He knew you like the back of his hand, knew all of your tells and what the slightest of change in your expression meant. He knew what to watch out for. So, when you were mid-lunge and momentum ran its course, moving you forward no matter what you wanted to do, all he had to do was let you fall onto the knife. It was simple, really, and required little to no effort on his part.

You inhaled a ragged breath that sounded nothing like you, and the pain was unlike anything you’d ever felt. You held onto the hilt of the knife, hoping he wouldn’t pull it out. Your hands covered his own, and you slowly lifted your gaze to meet his, albeit was a little hard since you had to squint your eyes so you could hold a steady gaze. Or at least you hoped it was steady, you couldn’t really tell. Your mouth was gaping in a silent scream. Nothing was coming out and you just can’t seem to find your voice again. Tears fell freely as you desperately hoped he’d regain a semblance of sanity and call the ambulance, but he didn’t. He slowly pulled out the knife, and you felt an unfamiliar warmth run down your stomach. You knew it was your own blood, but you were too afraid to look.

You also couldn’t bring yourself to take your hands off of Atsumu. No matter how repulsed you were, his hands were the ones keeping you upright. You just couldn’t find the strength to fight against him.

“Atsumu please. Please just call the ambulance. Leave me here. I promise I won’t tell anyone; I swear!” You hoped you had gotten that across. You weren’t so sure if the yelling was in your head or if you had actually managed to speak above a soft whisper. One of the few things you’re absolutely sure about at the moment is that your throat feels like it’s been swallowing handfuls of sand.

Atsumu shook his head as if he were scolding a child. “Oh, my love. How right ya’ are ‘bout that. Of course, ya’ won’t tell anyone.” He grunted as he slid the knife back into the same wound, this time twisting it left and right. You screamed, but it sounded nothing like you. At least you think you screamed. You were positive you were having an out of body experience because you couldn’t figure what was real and what wasn’t; you were on the verge of blacking out. Your knees began to buckle, but Atsumu’s hold on you was firm. You weren’t going anywhere, but you wished he’d let you fall. Your head fell back as you were fighting to keep your vision clear. Everything seemed so hazy, and Atsumu looked like he was farther than he actually was.

“Ya’ know why ya’ won’t tell anyone?” He left the knife inside of you so he could grip the hair on the back of your neck to lift your head up. “Pay attention, doll.” He eyes scanned your face before he pressed a kiss to your cheek. His lips trailed up to the shell of your ear, and he repeated his question, this time barely above a whisper and with an edge in his tone that was no longer mockingly sweet. “Ya’ wanna know why ya’ won’t tell anyone?”

You knew Atsumu well enough to know he was expecting a response. So, with the bit of consciousness you had left, you gave him what he wanted by playing his little game. “Why?” You whispered.

Or at least you thought you whispered it.

You could feel the smirk against your ear, and all you could think of was how you wanted this to be over.

Atsumu let go of your head so he could pull the knife out once more. You didn’t have the energy to scream, all you could do was go limp in his hold. And the last words you heard were delivered as he landed the fatal blow.

“Because, my love, ya’ won’t be alive to tell anyone.”

Heartbroken

How the Haikyuu!! characters are after a breakup

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Ft: Hinata Shoyou, Kozume Kenma, Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu, Bokuto Koutarou.

should i make a part 2 for this with other characters?

Shoyou's ever-present smile faltered as he saw you again after what felt like an eternity. He was so, so sure he had moved on. Yet, there he was, feeling something warm bloom inside him the moment your eyes met. You smiled-awkwardly, not the one that he oh so loved-and moved on. You look like you're doing well, which he is happy about. Do you miss him? He hopes so. He misses you dearly, yes, but Shoyou swears he's happy. He's doing well, too. Because that's what matters right? Though he'd be happier if you were with him.

Kenma cursed as he lost the boss fight for the umpteenth time. He's been playing for so long and still hasn't been able to defeat the boss. Frustrated, he threw the console on his bed and laid back. That was a huge mistake for his mind immediately drifted towards you. He thought about all the things that don't feel the same, now that you had left. He couldn't enjoy games, streaming-everything was so bland without you. He wonders how he even lived before you came into his life.

Osamu is in a rush. It's a rush hour and he's busy tending to his customers. In between customers, he somehow manages to make extra onigiri for his dinner. Absent mindedly, he puts them in a container and goes on about his work. It's when he's finished closing the shop and ready to leave that he notices he's made enough onigiri for two people. He freezes as he notices how some of them are covered in your favorite seasoning. He laughs silently, because why would you be at his home? The two of you had broken up exactly two months ago. Pathetic. Osamu should be over you. He can't stop loving you.

Atsumu is scrolling through social media, laughing at cat memes. A particular one makes him laugh very hard. Trying to catch his breath, he sends it to all his friends. He scrolls through the list to find your name, he's sure you will love it. He's confused when he can't find your contact in the list. His eyes widen as realization hits him square in the face. We're not together anymore. He bites his trembling lip. He misses you so much. He tried pushing his feelings down knowing very well it won't work. Atsumu sobs into his pillow and wishes you would take him back.

Koutarou opens the door to an empty home. There is no one running into his arms to welcome him. No one to ask him about his day. No one to cuddle and kiss when he feels down. He feels an ache in his heart just at the sight of his lifeless home. Did you have this much impact on him? Did he take you for granted? He heats up the leftovers in his fridge and thinks how he would have to sleep in a cold, empty bed and repeat all of this again tomorrow, the day after that and so on.

Work by: @smolbean12

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ATSUMU ANGST TODAY WHAT DID THE BOY DO TO EVERYONE 😭

[2:18 PM]— MIYA ATSUMU

Yesterday, you had your first date since the break up, you’d decided it was time to get up and try and move on.

It went well, you supposed. He was a bit bland though, and his hair wasn’t styled quite as well as it could’ve been, his jokes were a bit off in their timing, and he did more talking than he did listening. But still, it could’ve gone worse. That’s what you’d told yourself.

Yet, when you got home, and you were laying in bed, one person came to mind, and you found yourself wondering what it’d be like to go on a date with him again, wondering about how charismatic he always was, how tousling his hair would still leave it perfect, how he could make a joke out of anything, how he always let you ramble about tiny things as he sipped his drink.

Atsumu.

And there he was before you, shit faced and all, tear tracks down his face as he leaned on your doorframe when you opened it. He smelled of his usual cologne, but there was a lingering smell of alcohol— liquor, you were pretty sure, it seemed strong.

“Tsu— Atsumu.” He giggled a little.

“Ya know, even though yer sayin’ my full name on purpose, ‘m still happy ya said it. Sounds pretty when ya say it,” he winked, another tear rolling past his lash line when his eye closed. Sighing, you hugged yourself, shuffling on your feet.

“What are you doing here?”

“Don’t know. Ya gonna let me in? I wanna sit down,” he shrugged, words slurred and paused at random times, but it still sounded like him— smooth and steady, even if a little rough around the edges.

“Atsumu, you should go home. I’ll call Samu—”

“Yer gonna set my death in stone, angel. Do ya wanna do that? He’ll kill me if he’s gotta pick me up now,” he laughed, tilting his head back as though it were a funny joke, chest rumbling with each chuckle. “He’s... he’s what do ya call it...? Tired! That’s the word. Yeah, that’s it. He’s tired. And so were you, and so is my team, and ‘m pretty sure my mom would be disappointed if she saw me drunk of my ass at three am, so I can group her in too,” he rambled. “Oh! My neighbor is tired too, did ya know that? He says I gotta stop singin’ so loud when I come back home late at night. I can’t help it, angel, the songs in the club are so catchy, they get stuck in my head.” Shaking your head, you took a step forward, making him quiet down as he looked at you.

“Atsumu—”

“Can’t ya just call me Tsum? Don’t kick a man when he’s already down, y/n. Don’t wanna break my heart more than it already is, do ya?”

“Why are you here?”

“Why do I gotta tell ya? Ya think ‘m here for a late night snack? ‘M here to hear ya say ya love me. So say ya love me, say yer not mad anymore, say ya don’t hate me, say ‘tsum, ya absolutely own my heart, I miss ya so much babe, let’s get back together.’” He looked at you, mirth laced on his face, but his eyes were broken and dim, not ignited by the usual fire that burned in them. Everything that Atsumu was— fiery and passionate, charming and magnetic, loud and bold— was seemingly gone when you looked into his eyes.

“I can’t.” You didn’t know what else to say, the tears slipping past your own cheeks now too.

“Ya can! Yes, ya can, y/n! Ya just won’t. That’s okay, I’ll try again some other day, I’ll probably be drunk though, gotta warn ya, but—” and this time you cut off his rambling, dragging him into your apartment and to your bedroom, sitting him on your bed. “Oh! It’s cozy in here! I like this bed set,” he said excitedly. “Like what ya’ve done with the place! Yer so creative, you,” he giggled, booping your nose while you tried to take off his jacket.

“Thank you, now lift up your arms.” He did so with no hesitations, smiling as he looked around some more. You took his shirt off quickly, trying your best not to stare at the sight— he liked sleeping shirtless, he sweat through his shirts at night.

“My room’s kinda empty right now, so there’s not much to see. Ya should come see it sometime, though!” You decided not to tell him you knew what it looked like, that it used to be your bedroom too. Sighing, you threw his shirt into the hamper. “I usually sleep on the couch though, cos I don’t make it to my room by the time I get through the door. Makes my back hurt.”

“That’s nice, Atsumu.” You knelt down to take off his shoes, untying the laces as he continued to speak.

“I told ya to call me Tsum,” he pouted. “Anyway, I gotta tell ya a secret, y/n. I think I made a mistake, ya know? I was talkin’ about it the other day with the Uber driver, he said some things and they made a lotta sense, lemme tell ya.” You couldn’t fight the smile that spread across your lips even if you’d wanted to. Standing up, you placed his shoes and socks by the doorway, hanging his jacket to find in the morning when he left.

“And what did he say, Tsum?”

“There ya go! That’s more I like it,” he cheered, clapping his hands excitedly. “He told me I sounded like I was scared of fallin’ in love or somethin’ like that. I told him ‘nuh uh, ‘m no scaredy cat’ and he didn’t believe me. But then I was thinkin’ and then I was thinkin’ s’more, and I realized somethin’.”

“And what’s that?”

“I was scared,” he whispered, staring up at you as you gently shoved him back, laying him on the bed.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm,” he nodded, watching you bring the blanket over his body, tucking it under his chin the way you always did. You fought the urge to smooth back his hair and kiss his forehead like always too. “But guess what?”

“What?”

“‘M more scared of bein’ without ya than bein’ in love, so I’ll come sweep ya off yer feet again so ya’ll keep calling’ me Tsum. I promise. Be ready, kay?”

“Okay, Tsum,” you chuckled, watching as he closed his eyes with a grin on his face.

“I love ya, y/n. Yer so cute. The cutest. And so nice too,” he mumbled, drifting off to sleep.

He didn’t remember you giving into the urge, sweeping back his hair and kissing his forehead, nor did he hear you mumble you loved him too. But Atsumu still left your apartment the next morning with a bit more hope in his heart, ready to fulfill his promise the next time he saw you.

AH THIS IS SAD SAD

for the best

summary: atsumu drunkenly stumbles through the empty streets, remembering the aching pain of you leaving.

contains: implied alcohol use, arguments, blood (as a metaphor), mentions of vomit but no actual vomiting, subconscious self harm (? he rubs his hand on the ground), angst with no comfort

word count: 1k

A/N: umm yup just in an angsty mood. i’m not very good at writing angst so, here’s something

It’s for the best, at the end of the day. You walking out of Atsumu’s life.

Or at least that’s what echoes through his head when the familiar liquor slides down his throat with a stinging burn. It’s for the best.

Your last conversation fills his mind and makes his throat tighten as he’s stumbling home. Sharp words cutting through the air and leaving wounds, blood running down your arm and emptying your body of love for him as you throw his clothes into a bag and shoves it into his chest. You’re all dried up when the door closes behind his back. All the love you had for him seemingly catching in the wind and flying out the door along with his shaking body.

Atsumu trips and stumbles on the uneven sidewalk, cursing under his breath. It’s on instinct that he reaches his arm out to stop you from tripping as well. His knees hit the ground before he can think. Choked out gasps and sobs echo through the empty street, hands covered in gravel and dirt while his salty tears leave marks on the ground.

“Atsumu, you can’t be serious right now”

“what? A just said am goin’ out!”

“that’s not what you said and you fucking know it. I cannot believe you”

Atsumu throws his hands out in annoyance, letting his jacket fall to the floor while he turns around.

“well what did a fuckin’ say then?”

Your hard gaze takes him aback.

“’I can’t believe you’re so fucking clingy, leave me alone. I’m going out.’ Something along those lines. Sound familiar?”

Keep reading

Real Friends -m.atsumu

Ft. m.osamu

She always...always stood by me. And I didn't. So she found someone better.

She was there for me when some seventh graders were bullying me and my twin at the park we first met in. I was just in pre k that time as was she, but somehow I thought that she was way cooler than I could ever be.

She taught me that real friends always protect.

She was there for me when my dad stopped spending time with me, my brother and my mom. It was a pretty rough hit but she guided me through it. She played catch with me and my twin instead of my dad because he was never around anymore. But she was and I was so thankful to her for that.

She taught me that real friends always help.

She was there for me when I was nervous about the first day of middle school. She walked with me through the unfamiliar hallways of the new school we both joined. We were in the same class, so was my brother and I was so happy. Happy that I at least had them by my side, I wouldn't be alone now. She helped me get through the first day of my middle school and that was the first time that I saw her as someone more than just a friend.

She taught me that real friends are like pillars that you can rely on.

She was there for me when we were halfway through our first year in middle school and I had to go through some bullying, this time our very own classmates were the bullies. They made fun of me and my hair and my love for volleyball and how I always stuck by her side. I didn't tell her because I was irked by that one statement that they all kept on repeating, 'where's your little bodyguard huh?!' But she would always see through me and beat the bullies up and get in trouble for it later. I felt guilty that she had to go through that because of me but she'd just say, 'it's okay!'

She taught me that real friends always see through your lies.

She was there for me when I wanted to change myself. By that time I had developed some strong feelings for her and I didn't want her to go out with me while I was still an old fashioned dude. I knew she never cared about what was on the outside and focused more on the inside but I wanted to do this, look good for her. She was always the popular and talented one but she was still friends with me. She supported my decisions.

She taught me that real friends always support you.

She was there for me when I stuttered so bad while confessing to her. She said yes, agreed to date me and I felt like the happiest man alive. She told me that she wasn't very ecstatic about the changes I had brought upon my appearances but she also told me that as long as I was happy with the outcome, she was too.

She taught me that real friends tell you the truth.

She was there for me when I struggled with my studies and volleyball during the freshman year of high school. We went to the same high school, inarizaki and I was over the moon that my girlfriend and my bestfriend since forever was with gonna be with me for the next three years of hell along with my twin. She made my freshman year a lot better.

I met some new friends as well. She was the one who introduced me to them.

She taught me that real friends make things better.

She was there for me when I got in trouble with my new friends. She took the bullet for me and I shamelessly let her. She got suspended for a week but she said she didn't care. I believed her words. She also tended to the scratches I'd gotten during a practice match while scolding me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her that time, she looked so cute when she was angry. But she snapped at me when she noticed that I wasn't listening and told me that she wouldn't even care if I injured myself ever again. But yet she never stood by what she said.

She taught me that real friends always care.

She was there for me when I steered away from my path. My focus was more on impressing my new friends rather than my studies. I started caring more about my image and gave more importance to vollayball. And between all this I started paying a lot less attention to her. And the thing is that, she never complained.

She taught me that real friends endure.

She was there for me when in our sophomore year I finally came back on track. I still cared about my image but I gave a bit of importance to my grades as well. She helped me out with my studies and some stress about my volleyball once again. But at that time, somewhere in my mind I thought of her caring nature as annoying and clingy. I thought she was a bit invasive to my privacy. But I never told her that, I just plastered a fake smile and faked everything.

She taught me that real friends put up with peoples' shits.

She was there for me when I at some point stopped sticking by her side. I started ignoring her and behaved with her in a way I should never have. I treated her like she was some servant of mine. And the disgusting thing is that I found pleasure in it at that time. I also got into some bad things like drugs and bad company. When she and my twin asked about the one pouch of white powder that I accidentally left in her bag instead of mine, I told them that it was something for a project I was working on. When my grades dropped again I told her that it was because of an argument with my dad that was neverending and that I'd get them back up in no time, she believed me.

She taught me that real friends always believe.

She was there for me when my dad left me, my brother and my mom for some other woman. I was pretty upset and went seeking for not her comforting embrace but the intoxicating liquid that seemingly made me forget things. I made a big mistake that day as I went out of my house and to a bar where I got laid. I never told her that when she came looking for me at my place saying she was worried for me when she heard the news from 'samu. I didn't admit it back then but I was pretty glad that she did come for me as I bathed in the love and care she provided me with. I liked the attention she gave to me as I subconsciously ranted out about my dad. I guess there was still some alchohol in my system at the time because I didn't remember the love that I felt for her in the following days.

She taught me that real friends listen no matter what.

She was there for me even when I cheated behind her back with random girls I found in the bar I regularly went to, none of which she knew. What she knew was that I went to my friends' house for sleepovers and not the bar. I gradually distanced myself from her for another girl I found myself attracted to.

This is where I did things I wish I hadn't.

I soon ended things with her for the new girl that I had, not realizing that the moment I did that, I'd lost one of the most important treasures of my life. I lost the one true love for a fake. I lost the greatest listener in the world. I lost the most trustworthy person. I lost my anchor.

I lost her.

I lost my real friend.

And I also lost my one true love.

And it was all my fault, but by the time I'd realized that it was too late. She found someone way better than me. Someone who was a real friend to her all these years unlike me who only took advantage of her love and friendship.

She found 'Samu. My twin.

He was everything I wasn't and maybe that's why she fell for him.

Later on I'd gotten to know that she was having a hard time at home with her parents and the night that I had broken up with her was the night she came to me looking for some solace. It was the first time she asked me to be there for her. And I didn't even do that. I did something that made things worse for her.

I figured that 'Samu found her that night. And he gave her the solace that she seeked from me.

God, I now realise that she was always the real friend in our friendship.

She always...always stood by me. And I didn't. So she found someone better. Someone who'd probably treat her like she did me but I also knew that she would treat my twin just like she did me as well. She'd keep being who she is and was, no matter what or who she is with.

'Samu my brother, you are so lucky to have her in your life.

Please don't lose her like I did.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

The blonde volleyball player watched in awe as a woman clad in a beautiful white gown made her way down the aisle. He was looking at her but her eyes were fixated on someone else, her soon to be husband. Miya Osamu. And the said man was looking right back at her. They both had so much of love in their eyes for he other. It was evident that the couple had gone through tough times together but also had their fair share of happy memories. The woman was in a state of euphoria and so was the man, they'd been together for six years even more if you count their childhood days. They were so fucking happy. So much that 'Tsumu could basically feel it from where he was standing.

‘I guess they were just made for each other.’ That was the one thought that came to Atsumu's mind.

In the past 'Tsumu had often wondered how it would sound if Y/n actually became a Miya. Miya Y/n. He now knew how it'd sound and it was so melodious, but she wasn't marrying him. She was marrying his brother. If the professional player knew this was how things would end for them he'd have avoided losing her by knocking some sense into himself.

‘ 'Samu you lucky bastard.’ He thought as small tears cascaded down his cheeks while he watched you and Osamu kiss and seal the wedding. The crowd erupted in cheers and the whole atmosphere was so full and lively, but on the contrast Atsumu felt lonely and cold and dull. Call him a masochist if you will but even after that numbing pain that he felt in his chest he continued to clap for you and your now husband, forcing his eyes to look at the happy pair.

‘I brought this upon myself. I just wish I could rewind time and make myself not do what I did. All those stupid mistakes and all that hurt I brought upon her.

But even in the end, she taught me one last thing.

She taught me that real friends are to be treasured. Forever.

Because they are rare. And one is lucky to have them. I wasn't one of the lucky ones because I took her for granted and treated her like a rebound. But she was also human and humans have limits.

I didn't treasure her.

And this is how I lost my real friend.’

Atsumu sighed as he put on a smile. He wished you could see through it one last time.

Just one last time.

Please do not copy my works without permission.

puppy love pt. 1

atsumu miya x reader

you can tell where i started to get tired of writing this LOL

tags: childhood friends to lovers, angst, mutual pining, fluff, atsumu really is a sweetheart, osamu is a little shit, slow burn, happy ending

wc: 7.9k

~

growing up with all boys in your family has really helped you understand the chemistry in boys' heads that cause them to act out on their inner thoughts. it did not, however, help you get used to the icky things they did. while rolling around in mud and squishing bugs with bare hands was not your forte, you could definitely see the satisfaction to gain from it. well not really, but you always tried to see from others perspectives, especially when atsumu had told you that it was fun to step on frogs. you had asked what was so fun about it, which he replied with “it’s like whenever you put on makeup or whatever, it’s just fun!” all while showing you a toothy grin. you couldn’t really wrap your head around it and opted in shooting him a confused look with eyebrows raised and a curled upper lip. to which he just continued to smile and shoot you a thumbs up.

since you were young, atsumu has always been by your side. your first ever encounter with the boy was in the first grade when you fell at recess and got your pretty purple dress dirty. you cried and cried until you felt a warm hand grab your palm.

“woah, yer bleeding! that’s a big cut, it’ll leave an awesome scar!” looking up you saw a mop of brown hair and the same colored eyes. “Let's clean you up, yeah?” with a big ol’ pout on your face, you nodded and let the boy guide you inside to the water fountains in the hallways.

the water was cold, and it hurt like hell running along your wound, but you tried not to cry in order to not look like a big baby in front of the boy. “how’s ‘at feel hmm?” your eyes were red and puffy, and you had tear stains on your pink cheeks but atsumu had still thought you looked pretty. you mumbled out a ‘hurts’ and atsumu nodded. “well if i gave ya half of my strawberry sandwich will that make you feel better?” he smiled at you, hoping to see that cute smile of yours again. you sniffled and nodded, and he led you back outside to his lunchbox and secretly handed you half of the sandwich.

you bit into it and the corners of your mouth instantly lifted. it tasted exactly like the ones your mom had always made in the summer. turning around, atsumu had seen your chubby cheeks stuffed with food and whipped cream all over your mouth. he stared for a second and you turned to look at him too. a mumbled ‘what’ came out of your mouth, barely audible, to which he replied “nothin, yer just pretty.” a slight scowl adorned your face. your dress was ripped, you had dirt all over the fabric, and you were pretty sure that you had wood chips in your braids. you had thought that he was crazy, but then again that was something you had always admired about atsumu.

“do ya think yer mom will be able to sew that up?” you blinked once, twice and said “i don’t have a mom.” atsumu stared blankly at the floor and his lips turned into a straight line.

“well my mom can sew it up for you if ya’d like.” you sat on it for a while. it was a pretty dress and you didn’t want to throw it away, after all you had just gotten it last weekend as a gift for doing so well at your piano recital. plus it was your second favorite color, after pink obviously.

“okay, i’ll tell my dad after school” he nodded and stuck his hand out.

“i’m atsumu” he grinned widely.

timidly you shook his hand and responded, “i’m y/n.”

ever since that fateful day you guys had been stuck at the hip. it was easy in the beginning, all you had to do was follow atsumu around and hold the jar that he caught all the frogs and bugs in. he claimed that being the jar holder was the best job in the world! even going as far as comparing it to being a CIA agent guarding top secret weapons that could end humanity as you know it. of course you knew he was lying, but nonetheless, you were the designated jar holder. on special occasions osamu would hold the jar and he’d let you carry the net. on days like that you would just run around and chase butterflies, laughing away when you would miss entirely. astumu would pout because he wanted you to hold the jar (he really just wanted you to stay behind him and to talk to him), but then you would catch a butterfly and put it on his nose and it always brought back that goofy smile you loved.

being the bug carrier used to be the bain of your existence, but god was it so much easier then going through puberty with the boys. astumu was so sweet in your childhood but as he got older he did start to roughhouse with you and tease you. osamu on the other hand had just gotten more reserved but nonetheless he also roughhoused with you. nothing was worse than when you had gotten all pretty for school and the boys decided to put you in a headlock and nuggie you to death. you’d get so upset and give them the silent treatment until atsumu cracked and whined about how sorry he was and to not leave him because your his best friend. you just tilt your head the other way until osamu offers to make you a strawberry sandwich to which you turn and smile, “deal.” which always left atsumu with his jaw on the floor.

they’d hold your bag over their head, teasing you to grab it while you tippy toed and whined for them to give it back. they’d put you in a headlock and make you smell their BO. they’d rub their sweaty forehead on you. they’d fart and put you in a dutch oven. they just liked to terrorize you.

but what had especially sucked was when you had started puberty. all the boys had gotten was quite a bit of inches to their height and deeper voices, but you were stuck with gaining weight on your chest, thighs and behind. but what really set things off was when you had gotten your first period.

you called atsumu crying and speaking all kinds of gibberish that he couldn’t understand and then you hung up out of nowhere. so atsumu decided to drag osamu along with him to get down to this mystery. you hadn’t lived too far from them. maybe a few blocks down, nothing their bikes couldn’t handle. your dad let them in and he was happy they were there, because he had no knowledge on how to help or comfort you in these situations. you had locked yourself in your room, screaming at your dad and brothers to not bother you or you’d rip their limbs off. you could’ve asked one of your brothers girlfriends for advice, but you felt that maybe it was a little too weird, which definitely was not the case but 12 year old girls tend to exaggerate things.

softly, atsumu knocked calling out your name. you didn’t answer, atsumu had looked at his brother who just shrugged. slowly and quietly he opened the door, and in that split second you had flung a pillow at his face knocking him on the ground.

“ow, what the heck y/n!” atsumu yelled as he rubbed his nose.

“sorry i thought you were one of my brothers.” you held out your hand to pick him up.

you looked a mess. you had a baggy t shirt that belonged to one of your older brothers, some valentine’s day pajamas even though it was the middle of september, and your socks were mismatched. you looked like you had just gotten through a heartbreak, which was odd because atsumu could not recall you talking about a boyfriend or any of the sorts.

“what happened to you?” osamu inquired to which atsumu just nodded. you flushed and threw yourself on the bed, pushing your face into a pillow. you had muttered words but the twins didn’t hear a thing.

“what?” you huffed and repeated what you said, and again, the twins didn’t hear. “huh” you quickly sat up and yelled, “i got my period!” angrily in the heat of the moment and once you processed it you could feel yourself die of embarrassment.

a “so” and “what's that” were said simultaneously which led to atsumu being slapped upside the head by his twin.

“ow what was that for!” pouting, atsumu rubbed his head. osamu rolled his eyes at his older brother,

“remember when mom doesn’t feel good for at least a week each month?” atsumu’s face changed from one of confusion into one of realization.

“ohhh, so y/n’s bleeding from downstairs?” osamu nodded and you were furious.

you flung another pillow at both of them, “just shut up and get me ice cream!” the boys nodded and quickly ran downstairs and hopped on their bikes, peddling to the convenience store. after that encounter the boys had never tried anything with you while you’re on your period, even though you had gotten more mellow about it through the years.

but what really, REALLY sucked? you’re uncharted feelings towards astumu. you have always adored atsumu since the day he helped you when you fell in first grade. but seeing him grow up into a handsome young man really took a toll on your heart. the once chubby cheeked sweet boy was now a sharp jawed tease. he had gotten much taller, and his muscles were also starting to grow from the non-stop volleyball he’d been playing since he was young. his shoulders and biceps were swollen from the hours of training, and his boyish grin had gotten even more charming, panty dropping some would even say. to say he was a stud would be an understatement.

of course you scolded yourself for even thinking of atsumu of anything more than just your best friend, but you couldn’t help but indulge yourself in the thought of being the person he held dearest to his heart. you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to cross the unspoken boundary between platonic love and romantic love. you knew you shouldn’t have these feelings, you couldn’t, but how couldn’t you whenever the man would charm you with his jokes and his antics. surely he was just acting this way because you’re his childhood best friend, that’s all it was, but you longed for it to be something more. your heart was so full of him you could hardly call it yours.

you weren’t quite sure of when the small inklings of adoration had budded into much more, but they bloomed and boy was it big. he consumed your thoughts and you ached to be something more than just friends. how you wished to be the one he buys flowers for just because, the one he gives his umbrella to because you forgot yours, the one who he spent his nights thinking about. it was wrong in so many ways. you were forbidden fruit, atsumu had always thought. he could never admit his feelings because you were his best friend above all else. the thought of losing you plagued his mind when he got the courage to tell you something, forcing him to shove his thoughts away for the sake of your friendship.

maybe you could recall the day you had fallen. maybe it was the summer of 8th grade during summer camp when atsumu had snuck out of his cabin to come see you. you had gotten homesick and the girls in your bunk were such blabbermouths, chatting loudly during lunch why you weren’t in the cafeteria. of course both the twins had over heard, but atsumu was the one to act on it. you heard a faint knock at your window, and low and behold it was those dazzling eyes you knew all too well.

quietly you lifted the window and scolded him, “tsumu, what are you doing here!”

he shushed you and smiled. “i heard you weren’t havin fun” you looked the other way and shook your head.

“cmon, i wanna show you somethin” he grabbed your hand and carefully helped you out the window.

“tsumu we’re gonna get in trouble!” you whisper shouted, your palm in his hand was getting sweaty from being anxious.

he turned and looked at you, pointing his flashlight at your face, “do ya trust me?” nibbling at your lip, you hesitantly nodded and he squeezed your hand.

you continued to let him drag you by the arm until you were standing in front of the lake. it was quiet, the july breeze had felt refreshing on your sweaty skin. the sounds of cicadas chirping was comforting and the scent of summer lingered in the air creating a soft aroma that made you feel fuzzy all the way to your toes.

“turn yer flashlight off” you switched it off and it was pitch black. your veins ran cold.

“tsumu i can’t see anything” you squeezed his hand out of fear, which he responded to by using his thumb to rub your hand, hoping to somewhat soothe you.

“just hold my hand ‘kay?” you nodded, though he couldn’t see you he knew that you had complied.

wordlessly, atsumu swayed some of the tall grass by his foot and suddenly it wasn’t dark anymore.

what seemed like a million fireflies had flown up, shimmering like a thousand stars in the pitch black night sky. instantly your eyes widened and jaw dropped, the sight in front of you was one to behold. atsumu had seen your expression and couldn’t help but smile. if you were both to be caught now, he thought that it would be totally worth it. slowly you reached your hand out to try and grab one but they all fluttered away.

“tsumu this is so pretty” you said in awe but he couldn’t help but stare. he thought you looked even prettier. it was like the sun was shining on your skin and you glimmered like a thousand universes. your eyes so bright and filled with astonishment, the way your eyelashes batted with wonderstruck. that was when he knew you were his forever girl.

a stray hair stuck out on your face, and atsumu’s muscles instantly moved to move it behind your ear. you flushed, your heart stuttered and you couldn’t help but stare in those beautiful brown eyes you’d never get used to looking at. he smiled and it felt like your stomach had done a somersault, like a billion butterflies were trying to escape your tummy. when you both returned to your bunk and said your goodnights, you couldn’t sleep, replaying that moment over and over again until the crack of dawn.

but no, that wasn’t when you had fallen. maybe it was the winter break of 9th grade. it was a week before christmas, and you and the twins were up to no good during the break. snowball fights, tracking mud in the house and letting all the cold air in by walking in and out of their home. the boys had tormented you, shoving your face in the snow, tackling you into the ground and even rolling up a big snowball just to throw it square at your face. to say your face felt like it had been frostbitten was a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure did feel like your face would melt off soon.

slowly the wind and snow had picked up, leaving you snowed in. you called your dad, wondering how you’d get home but all he said was to ask the twins mother if she would let you spend the night if the weather hadn’t calmed in an hour or two. of course she agreed, how could she say no when you’ve put up with her boys for the past 7 years, she practically considered you her daughter.

when the weather hadn’t cleared you and the twins had gotten excited, considering this would be your guys first sleepover. you guys had played board games, mario kart and played on your phones until midnight when samu fell asleep.

“tsumu i’m bored” your stomach rumbled and you looked down. “and hungry” you sheepishly smiled.

“me too” atsumu replied with a frown.

there was a beat of silence before atsumu’s head peaked up. “my mom has some cookie dough in the freezer, we can try and make those!” he grinned. your tummy rumbled again and you eagerly nodded. you couldn't help but think that this was something they did in all those romance movies you watched. your mind filled with thoughts about how they always end up kissing at the end of the scene and you couldn’t help but hope that maybe you’ll get a kiss too.

you both tippy toed downstairs to make the cookies. quietly atsumu opened the freezer and reached all the way in the back corner for the container of dough.

“what kind is it?” you whispered.

he squinted his eyes to look at the packaging. “chocolate chocolate chip” your stomach panged with hunger, eager to have that sweetness in your mouth.

atsumu paused and scratched his head, you could see the gears turning. “do ya know how to bake?”

you face palmed and took the container from his hands. “of course i know how to bake, who do you think made your birthday cake last year?” he shrugged and you continued to read the instructions.

once the oven was preheated, you asked atsumu to help you scoop the dough into little balls and place them on the cookie sheet. of course the little jokester he is he decided to smudge some on your nose. you stood there frozen and your jaw on the floor. he licked his finger of the dough and sent you a sly smile. you retaliated, grabbing a finger full and smearing it on his cheek, sending the same sly smile he sent you. he simply just rubbed it off with his finger and licked it, you made a disgusted face and rolled your eyes. boys will be boys.

once in the oven, you softly hopped on the counter, having to wait 20 minutes for the cookies to be ready.

“tsumu what do you want for christmas?” you queried. his lips turned into a thin line and he put his finger on his chin, thinking about what he wanted. truth be told he didn’t really know what he wanted. maybe some new volleyball shoes, some more video games, maybe even a new cologne he’s been wanting to try.

“i want a million dollars” he grinned and you rolled your eyes.

“tsumu i’m being serious, what do you want?”

all he could do was frown, “why is it so important to ya?” you stopped, and looked the other way.

it was quite embarrassing to say that you wanted to get him a present because you care about him a lot (not because you have a massive crush on the boy), so what would any other teenage girl do in your situation? you beat around the bush.

“just wanna give you something since we’ve been friends for so long” he didn’t believe you, but he just nodded.

“well i don’t really care what i get, i just wanna spend time with ya is all.”

there it was again. that funny feeling you got when he said something that could have been interpreted into something romantic. you bit the inside of your cheek and looked anywhere besides him. you were sure your cheeks were red, and it wasn’t just from the heat of the oven. you just nodded and continued on waiting for the cookies to be ready.

maybe he felt some kind of way about you other than just a friend.

even though you didn’t get the kiss you hoped for, you did get some sort of confirmation of where you stand with the boy, and you’ll take it.

again, that wasn’t when you had fallen. perhaps it was the beginning of 10th grade when atsumu had gotten his first car. atsumu had gotten a camaro, while osamu had gotten a nissan silvia. both were quite nice you had to admit, they were both sleek and looked luxurious. ever since atsumu had gotten his car, he didn’t let anyone near it, not even his mom. he feared someone would ruin his precious baby and he did not want that to happen. no one other than himself had been in it and he intended to keep it that way, that was until 3 weeks on a random friday.

you had been in your room folding laundry and watching tv, you didn’t really have any plans for tonight, maybe facetime the twins and do a face mask. you felt your phone buzz on your bedsheets. you ignored it for a good 5 minutes until it vibrated again. you put down the pair of pants you were folding and reached for the device, wondering who was texting you. opening your phone, you had seen that atsumu had texted you.

tsumu:

are you busy???

tsumu:

i’ll be at your place in an hour n a half, get all dolled up.

your brows drew together in confusion. what the hell was he planning on doing? nonetheless you quickly finished your laundry and hopped in the shower. since very few words were spoken, you didn’t really know the occasion and how you should dress. should you wear a blouse and a skirt? some jeans and a sweater? a dress? you decided something cute and comfy was the way to go, so you opted for flare tights, a white turtle neck with a brown crew neck on top since it was a bit chilly outside. you were feeling very minimalistic, so simple mascara and lipgloss were going to suffice. again, since you didn’t know the occasion, you did a simple blow out on your hair. the finishing touches were gold jewelry your father had gotten you for christmas last year.

you still had time left since atsumu’s last text, so you spent the last 10 minutes wondering what the now blonde was scheming. he was probably just going to take you with him to a practice volleyball match, you can’t count on one hand how many times he’s told you to get ready just to take you to one of his practice matches. you didn’t complain though, hot guys playing sports and getting sweaty was definitely a sight to see.

you heard a rumble down the street and looked outside, low and behold it was your best friend in his squeaky clean car. you ran outside to his window with your mouth open.

“tsumu what are you doing? you’re gonna get your car dirty!” he chuckled and stepped out of the vehicle.

“relax it’ll be okay, it’s only like 5 bucks to wash it” he said as he ruffled your hair. you smacked his arm away and huffed, a pout adorning your face as you tried to calm your hair down from his actions. when you finally looked up at him he felt the wind knock out of his lungs. you looked so damn pretty. your plump and pink lips pouting made him feel fuzzy inside, and the way you looked at him with your wide pretty eyes made him melt. you were the most gorgeous thing to walk the earth in his eyes.

he cleared his throat and put his arms on your shoulders, turning you the other way. “cmon, get in the car already” you paused right in front of the door.

“tsumu are you sure? i’m going to get it dirty” you said nibbling on your cheek. he let out a small laugh and nodded, opening the door for you.

“if i wasn’t sure then i wouldn’t have invited ya ya dunce” he said matter of factly as he flicked your forehead. he hadn’t told you your destination, but the ride to the location was filled with off key singing and laughter. you enjoyed moments like these, feeling each other's presence only fueled the fire in your belly that never seemed to dull. you felt as if he was the heartbeat in your body.

at one point you stopped at a red light and decided to look at him. that was a mistake.

the red glow of the light made him look ethereal. his jaw looked so sharp that it could cut the pillows he sleeps on, his face had a glow to it that made you feel like a volcano was erupting in your stomach. his eyes, shimmering like sparkling gems that had caught light at just the right angle, wide and beautiful. his face was tilted, one arm on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift. his arms looked big and beefy gripping on to the wheel, the dark flannel he wore over his gray hoodie really accentuated his biceps. he looked so good, too good. he could feel your stare and turned to look at you as well. looking in your eyes, he gave you that boyish grin that never seemed to fail to give you butterflies. you sent a small one back and turned forward as the light turned green.

atsumu had taken you out to watch a movie and eat at a cute diner that had some amazing burgers. you guys may or may not have gotten kicked out for throwing fry’s at each other, but a good time is a good time right? the drive home was silent, but comfortable, both of you just soaking up each others presence. when you got to your house, you turned to thank atsumu for the night, but he had already gotten out of the car. your face contorted into one of confusion, but a few seconds later your door had opened and his hand stuck out, waiting for yours. you looked up and smiled, gently taking his hand in yours. when you had reached your front door you both faced each other and stared for a good 30 seconds.

“i had fun tonight” you finally managed to get out. he nodded and replied, “me too” then it was quiet again. a breeze picked up and moved pieces of hair in your face. swiftly, atsumu tucked them behind your ear. your cheeks warmed and you batted your eyelashes.

“i’ll see ya at school monday” you nodded and smiled. as he began to walk off your mouth spoke before your brain could process it.

“tsumu?”

he paused and turned, “yeah?”

a sudden flood of courage coursed through your veins. you softly grabbed his hand, your other one gently turned his jaw as you slowly brought your lips up to place a sweet kiss on his cheek. you could feel his cheek warm under your touch, but you didn’t mind, you thought it was cute.

“have a goodnight” you said as you looked in his eyes. he was stunned. the girl of his dreams just kissed him.

“you too” he said breathlessly, walking back to his car with wide eyes. he waited for you to get inside and wave goodbye to him before he fist bumped the air. your lipgloss had left a mark on his cheek and he took as many pictures with it as he could.

when you had walked inside your dad was on the couch watching tv. “hey sweetie, how was your day?” you hid your smile as best as you could and replied with a quick ‘it was good’ as you rushed up stairs. you quickly threw yourself on the bed and grabbed your pillow to muffle your screams of joy and giggles. you felt on top of the world. your stomach could not stop churning and your cheeks burned. you felt so giddy and couldn’t believe that happened. another small step in your book.

but it was definitely the day before spring break of sophomore year that you had fallen.

which was 2 weeks ago to be exact.

you were already having a bad day. your cat that you had gotten when you were 6 passed away, your little brother had thought it would be funny to put water in your piano which damaged the interior detrimentally and you had woken up late which caused you to have bed head. despite all that you tried to be positive, considering you had something good going on in your life.

you had gotten quite a huge crush on a basketball player from your school, and for what it seemed he had shown some interest in you back. you felt excited, you thought that maybe all the romantic things you had dreamed of would come true, maybe this was your soulmate. of course you thought about atsumu as well, but it seemed like all you and atsumu would ever be is just friends. you felt that you should move on, you deserve to find someone that can love you.

that was until the guy straight up said “how could anyone ever want to be with you? you’re annoying and clingy, you can’t even make decisions for yourself. try not to be so insufferable and then maybe we could be a thing.” you froze. you could feel your heart shatter and your face warm. all you had asked was if it was okay to sit by him. angrily you threw your lunch tray at him and rushed out of the cafeteria. hot tears rolled down your face as you walked out the building. what kind of a jerk publicly humiliates a girl all because she asked if she could sit by them. you ran to the metro and prayed that you would get home quickly. you felt like you were suffocating and needed to get home. once home, you hastily threw open the door, running up the stairs and slamming your door closed. your dad had heard you and wondered what all the ruckus was.

knocking, he asked “sweetie what’s up? why are you home early?” you screamed at him to go away and he obliged, too scared and knowing better that it was best to let you be and simmer down.

atsumu had heard about the whole thing during practice. he had already felt bad because he wasn’t at lunch today; he had gotten detention from his coach for being late to practice 3 times that week. he overheard omimi talking about how a point guard went off on a girl and she threw her tray at him. atsumu instantly perked up and butted in the conversation.

“what point guard?” he questioned with an eyebrow raised.

“think it was the one your girlfriend was talking to” suna said with a smug grin. atsumu’s face dropped, completely ignoring suna’s comment as he ran out the gym.

“where is he going?” kita questioned annoyed, the boys just shrugged.

he raced to your house, surprised he didn’t get pulled over but grateful nonetheless. if it really was you that that jerk had yelled at, then he had one thing coming. atsumu’s hand tightly gripped the wheel, angry at the fact that some douchebag had the audacity to raise his voice at you. he was already jealous of stealing your attention, taking his precious time with you away. but you looked so happy and he really didn’t want to ruin that for you. he realized that maybe that guy could give you something that he couldn’t.

but obviously that was totally wrong, and he realized that now as he pulled into your house. he had tried calling you, but to no avail you didn’t answer. he knocked on your door quite loudly, and you father had answered.

“is she here?”

your father shook his head, “no she took off somewhere awhile ago.”

atsumu nodded and thanked him, going back into his car. he stopped and thought for a while. where could you possibly be? you could literally be anywhere on the earth right now.

a thought popped into his head. he remembered that one time when you got into an argument with your dad you ran off like you did now. you had ended up at an ice cream shop by the beach. it was a long shot, but it was the only possible lead he had as to where you are right now. he quickly drove across town, searching for you somewhere in the yellow sand. he saw a couple of people, a boy and his dog, a small family and an elderly couple. just as he was about to leave, he saw a small figure at the end of the beach. it had to have been you. he parked his car and slowly walked towards you. you were sitting up with your arms wrapped around your knees, your chin resting on your forearms. he heard you sniffle and his heart ached for you. quietly, he sat next to you and patted your head.

“hey” you turn your head, red eyes rimmed and puffy. your cheeks were rosey and your hair was disheveled, but atsumu still thought you looked as beautiful as ever. you mumbled out a small hey and turned forward again. the sounds of the waves crashing had calmed you, you longed to jump in the water and never be heard from again.

but you were glad he was here.

it was nice having him right next to you, the loneliness was bearable with him by your side. having him next to you made you feel significantly smaller, in more ways than physical. atsumu held himself high and could easily pick himself back up. but you? you were just an insecure girl looking for someone to be her lifeline. maybe that guy was right. how could anyone ever love you if you can’t even love yourself. you craved validation but for what? for who? why couldn’t you just learn to be alone, what was so bad about it.

“what’s going on in that big head of yours?” you heard from beside you. you paused, you needed something from him to help you see yourself.

“do you think i’m annoying?” you asked softly and atsumu chuckled.

“you talk a lot sometimes, i could say it’s annoying, yeah” the way your eyes welled up with tears made atsumu punch himself internally, now was obviously not the right time for jokes.

“i’m kidding, i don’t think yer annoying. i think yer quite the opposite in fact. quite lovely in my opinion” you nodded but his words didn’t quite get through to you. he could obviously be lying, he is your best friend and all, he could be sparing your feelings.

“‘m serious. i love being around you. you’re such a great person to be around, you’re funny and nice, you listen, you care. you were too good for that jerk in my opinion, you deserve someone way better than that di-“

“tsumu” he smiled sheepishly, “sorry.”

you stared at him, the orange hue from the sun setting made him look stunning. he looked so handsome and you wanted to feel his lips on yours so bad.

“do you mean that?” you asked breathlessly. his eyes met yours and he nodded, something flickered in his eyes that you couldn’t quite recognize. he wrapped his arm around you, leaning your head on his shoulder. just sitting there watching the sunset, you felt at peace. he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on your forehead, laying his head on top of yours. maybe you were wrong.

maybe atsumu was your soulmate.

that was what you had thought, until out of the blue little miss sunshine and rainbows popped up in the picture.

aiko nakamura.

she was a pretty girl, slim and tall with long legs. she was on the girls track team, and some would say she was one of the cliche it girls. you didn’t really know her, you went to school with her in elementary but you never really had been friends. from what you’ve heard she was nice and funny.

also atsumu’s type apparently.

you were happy for him really, you were just a little upset at the fact that he hadn’t told you anything about her at all. i mean really, what could you do? there was no way you were going to declare your unproclaimed love for him. so of course, being the best best friend you could ever possibly be, you suck it up. you wipe your tears and go on, acting like it doesn’t affect you even if you spend your nights wondering why.

after they had gotten together, your time with atsumu had been cut short significantly. your once friday tradition of hanging out had been given away to some girl atsumu had only been with for 2 weeks. obviously it hurt seeing the guy you’re in love with loving up on someone that wasn’t you, but again, there was not much you could do. watching from afar seemed best, and the once arms length of distance had become one oceans away. he felt just out of your reach and maybe this time it was entirely too late.

after a while, you stopped reaching out to atsumu. you stopped going over, you stopped eating lunch with him, you stopped calling, you stopped texting, you stopped talking. you ached to tell someone about your days because your person was just a ghost of a memory now. you still talked to osamu of course, even hanging with him every now and then. but it just wasn’t the same as your best friend.

one day when you and osamu were chilling in his room, atsumu and his girlfriend were arguing. you could hear the screams and shouts, bickering back and forth. you and osamu just looked at each other, knowing it was best to just mind your business. a few minutes later and you heard stomping down the stairs and a door slam. it was quiet for a little, then atsumu barged into the room.

he moved sluggishly and threw himself onto osamu’s bed.

“‘m guessin you guys fought?” osamu chucked.

atsumu let out a big sigh and had the biggest frown on his face. “she’s mad because i never post her or whatever.”

you decided to stay quiet, continuing to do whatever it was on your phone.

atsumu had noticed your lack of communication recently, and he was upset about it. he wondered if he made you mad or angry at him, or if he did anything wrong. he hated the radio silence and he also hated that you didn’t talk to him about it. he just wanted some type of closure. did you not want to be friends with him anymore? was he too insufferable for you now?

he threw a pillow at you.

“ow, tsumu what the heck!” you glared and all he could do was laugh. atsumu could swear there was steam coming out your ears.

“was just trynna get yer nose out that phone, sorry”

you rolled your eyes, some half assed apology that was.

you guys just sat there a few minutes, it was peaceful and quiet.

“you should go to our game tomorrow” you paused and furrowed your eyebrows.

“i thought aiko was going?” atsumu just shook his head and smiled.

“she is but i want ya to be there too y'know since yer my best friend and all”

“i’ll think about it” another pillow was flung at your head.

going to bed that night you really did think about it. you’d love to go to atsumu’s games but you knew for a fact that aiko was going to be there, and you didn’t want to witness that awkward pda shared between them; you had already walked in on them making out a week before. but of course your heart always wins against your head, and it couldn’t help but thirst about wanting to see atsumu all sweaty and tired from his game.

you had gotten there 10 minutes early and the stands were already packed. their games had always been big, everyone wanted to see the talented players in action. it was both a blessing and a curse to say that you knew those boys. you decided you’d go look for a seat after you said hi to the twins first.

“atsumu y/n is here” kita motioned his hand toward your figure standing by osamu. osamu had spotted you when you first walked in and left aran in the middle of warmups.

from afar, your cheeks looked red, and you seemed nervous. atsumu had wondered if you were sick or if something happened to you. he quickly walked over to you.

just before he had reached you, osamu had pulled you into a hug. his eyebrows drew together. since when were you and osamu that close. he decided to keep his question in the back of his head, deciding he’ll ask about it some other time. you were about to leave, but the blonde had called out for you.

“hey y/n, where ya goin?” eyebrows raised, atsumu waited for your answer.

“i was just going back up to the stands, good luck guys!” osamu patted your head and you left.

there was something brewing in atsumu’s chest, something funny. he looked at his twin with eyebrows furrowed. it was a little odd for you to just randomly hug osamu, so what the hell just happened between you two?

osamu smirked. he could see the glint of jealousy in his brother's eyes. “what?” shrugging his shoulders, he walked off.

you had found a good spot just before the game started. you could see both sides of the court and you could easily see the players. the whistle blew and the game began.

all of the players were amazing, and the rally’s that kept going on were phenomenal. it was a battle that was never ending and it kept you and your toes.

the lights and cheers going on around you really fueled the intensity of the game. it felt like you were watching an olympic game.

you were so caught up with the game that you didn’t hear someone call out your name.

“y/n! what are you doing here?” you turned and aiko stood before you. she looked all pretty and she had atsumu’s jersey on. the one that he never let you wear because it was ‘too precious and i don’t want you to get it dirty’. you felt a pang of hurt in your chest but you smiled.

“oh, hey. the boys invited me to their game and i thought i’d come and support” she nodded and smiled.

“i didn’t think i’d see you here, atsumu always tells me how you never go see him because you’re too scared to get hit by a ball” she laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

you actually didn’t go because you had piano practice, but you didn’t want to burst her bubble.

“oh that’s so funny, he’s always making up some kind of joke” you forced a laugh and turned your attention back to the game.

“yeah he’s always saying something about you” she giggles.

“he also told me about that whole reiji thing”

you stopped.

reiji was the basketball player that you had gotten the big fat massive crush on. he was also the one that yelled at you in the cafeteria.

there’s no way he told her about something like that. something that you had been so raw and vulnerable about. you cried to atsumu about how you really liked him and how he made you feel good about yourself. about how you wish he didn’t say those things because now you feel even more unlovable than you did before.

“he told you… about that?” she nodded and looked towards the court, acting as if what she was saying didn’t affect you.

“yeah what a douche, he definitely could’ve said that over text or something. not that i think it’s true or anything but still!” you nodded and tried to let her words fly over your head.

“but i mean really, how naive were you to think that he would actually want to be with you?”

you could feel your heartbeat in all of your limbs and hear the sound of your blood rushing to your face.

“boys like that only want one thing, and unfortunately for you you don’t have it. maybe if you made yourself look pretty you’d have a boyfriend!” she smiled at you.

you stood there, dumbfounded, shocked about how you should respond. was she trying to help you or bring you down? because it definitely seems like the latter. and it was definitely working. you were embarrassed and wanted to run out of the gym but you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself.

the buzzer went off and the crowd dispersed.

“oh! that’s game, i’ll see you around!” she smirked and waved, walking towards the players.

you were still shocked from the whole ordeal. you could see her run up to atsumu and kiss his forehead. atsumu leaned in for a hug but she backed away, clearly not wanting to get sweat on her outfit.

you also walked down to talk to the boys, but you didn’t want to interrupt the couple so you told osamu good job, giving him a hug. you and atsumu had made eye contact and it was clear he wanted to talk to you, but before he could get to you you panicked and quickly walked out of the gym. you did not want to speak to him especially since he had told his girlfriend about your heartbreak.

he thought it was odd, you always told him bye so why did you run off?

“hey uh, i’ll be right back” aiko gripped his hand and atsumu was taken aback.

“where are you going?” atsumu looked down at his hand, stared at it and retracted his arm.

“just gonna do sumthin real quick” she nodded, but she obviously knew where he was going.

in a light jog, atsumu went to search for you. surely you couldn’t have gone too far, you hadn’t left that long ago.

he spotted your figure just about to exit the building.

“y/n!” you paused and turned, seeing the person you were trying to avoid the most. you could feel yourself shiver.

“where ya goin?” he questioned.

“i’m going home tsumu” he was confused and you could see that in his facial expressions.

“weren’t you gonna tell me bye?” you looked in his eyes and you could feel your anger and embarrassment melt away.

“i didn’t want to interrupt you and aiko. she seems nice by the way. hope you guys are happy” you said, forcing a smile. you walked off but atsumu could clearly see that something was up with you. he didn’t want to push so he settled for a small smile and a wave.

“call me tonight kay?” you nodded, not looking behind you.

pairing: miya atsumu x reader

genre: angst, post break-up

soundtrack: 飛鳥和蟬

an: I don’t think I’ll be writing haikyuu for a while but this idea whacks me in the head every now and then sooo (❍ᴥ❍ʋ)

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

The wind blows, and life goes on. 

The sky fades into a myriad of periwinkles and peaches, complementing an expanse of miscanthus stretching beyond the horizon which sways in the salt-kissed sunset breeze. The scenery alone would be ethereal, have it not been viewed through the hollow, doe periphery of a heartbroken blonde. As Atsumu finds himself staring into the distance, the corners of his eyes are eventually glassed with a film of tears whilst his trembling fingers tumble with a dull bracelet.

1. “Tsumu! Where are you? I thought we were supposed to go on a date at the amusement park today?” 

“Damn it — sorry babe! Practice calls, and it seems like our coach isn’t planning on letting us leave any time soon. I’ll make it up to ya next time okay?” Before you could even protest, your boyfriend hung up on the call. Dismay would had been an understatement to describe how you felt at that moment: conflict, chagrin, despondence — all of which bloomed like buds deep within. 

This wasn’t the first time Atsumu called off a date at the last minute, and needless to say, you weren’t pleased at all with his actions. However, in spite of the seething frustration that bubbled in your chest every time he did this to you, you reminded yourself to remain calm. You could never bring yourself to hate the blonde (or at least for now). Volleyball was a prominent part of his life, but so were you. You understood how important the sport was to Atsumu, yet with the saying being “it’s every man for himself”, a teeny bit of you hoped that he could choose his girlfriend over practice. 

And with a heavy heart, you chose to put those feelings aside. After all, being his partner, shouldn’t you be unconditionally supporting Atsumu in all of his endeavours? 

With the place feeling like dejá vu, it brings back faded recollections the male wishes to hold onto before they slip past his fingertips. Bit by bit, shattered fragments gradually piece themselves together, creating visages of what Atsumu would deem as his ‘sweet old days’ that he yearns to relish. Moments of you and him lying on the hill’s summit staring as remnants of tangerine and gold bask the skyline, the two of you excitedly talking about what a shared future would’ve been like, the giggles and incessant bickering that reverberate in the air like chimes whilst both of you dance under a doom of shimmering starlight — all of them come back to his mind one by one.

2. “I’m sorry y/n! I — I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend, but I’m willing to change ok? I promise I’ll spend more time with you once interhigh competitions come to an end. Please ... just wait for a little longer.” 

Evident disappointment was written all over your face, and the sinking feeling that had been bugging you did nothing — but only grew stronger once you heard Atsumu’s explanation. Nevertheless, a strained grin creased your face; you simply chortled it off, reminding the blonde that it’s alright and he should focus on his volleyball competitions for the time being with a simple “Alright ... I’ll wait, Tsumu”.

To be frank, you didn’t know how long you could wait. Atsumu had been using the same reason over and over; and if you had to be honest with yourself, you were long sick of his behaviour. Of all the countless opportunities you gave your boyfriend, it felt like he took them for granted — never learning his lessons despite being forgiven repeatedly without a single complaint uttered from none other than his girlfriend. 

And if he wasn’t the one to treasure the present, to cherish the bonds made and the selfless commitments devoted by you into the relationship, then why should you give him another second chance?

Twilight beckons, and a tear slips down Atsumu’s face in melancholic tranquility. Those could be called the happiest days of his entire life. Reminiscences of your smile, your touch and your laughter have long been engrained into his head, taking him on a trip down the memory lane as he thinks about you every now and then. How are you doing? Have you found someone else to replace his place in your heart? Would your mind still wander off to him? The questions throb at the back of his mind, akin to a persistent toothache. Still, the blonde knows this more than anyone else. 

No matter how tormenting his regret could be, there was no way he could turn back time and make things work again. Not when the damage is done and the pain of your breakup with Atsumu still stabs him in the heart even after all these years. 

In hindsight, maybe this is a lesson meant for him to learn. Perhaps he should’ve been a better lover, devoting more time into the relationship with you instead of spending most of it on volleyball. If he had prioritised you over his passion, could the heartbreak be avoided? If he had treasured his blessings, would the cicatrix in his heart remain, acting as a grim reminder of his past mistakes? In all honesty, Atsumu don’t know. It is already too late for redemption by the time the blonde opens his eyes and realises what he has done to you. Yet one thing is for sure — he shouldn’t have taken all of this for granted. 

3. “I ... I don’t think this is going to work between the two of us, Tsumu.” Mustering the remaining strength you got, you decided to confront the blonde setter on a certain day. “I think ... it’s better if we end this relationship.” 

To him, your confrontation bore no resemblance to a nightmare. Deafening silence lingered, wrapping its ghostly tendrils around the blonde’s neck as the grasp around Atsumu tightened with each second. Confusion wouldn’t suffice to describe the hurricane of emotions which stirred havoc inside him. Weren’t the two of you head over heels for one another a couple of months prior? What went wrong? 

Happiness is, and would never be everlasting — he should’ve known that very well. Atsumu should’ve caught onto the subtle signs that set off warning bells inside his head: the chaste glances, the sudden coldness laced within your tone each time you talk, the increasing distance between you and him as the months fly by. Yet the setter is naive to say the least, failing to discern how circumstances are on the verge of spiralling down a bad turn. 

4. “Wait! I ... I don’t understand. Why ... y/n?” 

Your heart clenched as you heard the desperation in Atsumu’s plea, eyes evading his shocked stare; you had made up your mind, and there was no way you would be turning back. It was excruciating for things to end this way, but you had no choice. Enough was enough, you were long exhausted of this one-sided romance. 

“Tsumu, I’ve had enough.” You gritted out the statement, trying your best to hold back the tears that were threatening to burst from your waterline. “Love should be mutual, and both partners should play an equal role in the relationship by devoting the same amount of time and effort into making all of this work. But is this the case between you and me?”

Instantly, Atsumu fell silent. 

“For all these months I’ve endured and endured, giving my everything in a forlorn hope that our relationship would still work. I’ve given many second chances, trying to support you with everything I’ve got. But have you? Have you did anything for me in return?” Your voice began to crack, recalling how you used to sob into your pillow in the middle of the night when the blonde only cares about volleyball instead of you. 

“Not everyone is willing to give a second chance ... and not everyone is willing to wait for a lifetime.” 

And that was the last thing Atsumu heard before you were completely gone from his life.  

A whistle in the wind pulls the blonde back into reality. As his puffy sorrel eyes interlock with the empyrean, the heart-wenching memories dissipate within an instant — followed by an exasperated sigh while Atsumu wipes falling tears off his stained cheeks. 

“I must’ve been a fool ...” He begin, confessions filled with none other than inexplicable lament muttered under his breath. A multitude of constellations greet his vision; blinking and winking down at the blonde, a cynical grin is all Atsumu can manage. For once, the night sky illumined with an infinite milky belt doesn’t look so empty; at least not so — when compared to the tenebrosity of the void deep within the blonde’s heart. It reminds him of the things he had lost, the mistakes he made, and what could’ve had been a beautiful future with you had he not been the culprit who ruined it all. 

“To not cherish such an amazing girlfriend, that’s so stupid of me — ugh ... why is it that we learn the pain of losing something important, when its too late for regrets? Stupid ... so stupid ...” 

The wind blows, and life goes on. 

The only thing Atsumu wished that hadn’t gone along with the breeze, albeit painful to hold onto, was his recollections with you.