Big John - Tumblr Posts

LenePilarrrr would u ever write for Big John!!??? 😏😏😏

oh my goodness!!! do not even!!!!

Losing the Love:

The evolution of stoic men, from Big John to Alpha Males

Toxic masculinity encompasses a lot of things, but one of the things it holds up as an ideal is Stoicism, defined as "the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint". This has been an accepted aspected of masculinity for generations, though of course there are exceptions, and we are in the process, societally, of deconstructing toxic masculinity. But Stoicism, I think, has an interesting trajectory when you consider how it has changed. It has gotten MORE toxic over time.

I don't know when Stoicism became the accepted norm for all men. What I do know is that there are a lot of older country songs that showcase stoic men. Sad ballads, mostly. Often featuring a Mysterious Stranger archetype, which is a rather stoic archetype by nature. Songs like Mr. Shorty, Tall Handsome Stranger, and Big John all feature these. Their portrayal, however, is noteworthy.

Take Big John as an example. Big John is a large, strong, silent, stoic man. And he's not from around here, he's a bit of a mysterious stranger. People only know rumors about him. And people are intimidated by him - "Everybody knew you didn't give no lip to Big John". It's implied he doesn't care about these people he works with - "And if you spoke at all, he just said, "Hi"" - people don't know him and he hasn't tried to get to know them. And the rumor, the one thing people know about him? He killed a man with one blow. But what's interesting is that even though he doesn't say much and doesn't show much emotion, he does actually care. He was fighting over a "Cajun Queen", but when he killed a man, he must have left because he might have faced charges for murder otherwise. And then, of course, he holds up a collapsing mine to save his fellow miners, to their surprise. They thought they were dead, until John solo lifts the collapsed beam to let them out. Now, they got out, and John didn't. He LITERALLY shouldered a burden without complaint to save them. This shows that he cared enough to save them. But he died himself. What a good stoic man, never showing any emotion. Other features of John are that he cared about others, and was stoic for their sake, and that this Stoicism is viewed as a sad thing. When they put a marker for John's grave, all they put is "Here lies a big, big man: Big John". The only other things they knew about him were rumors. They didn't know him personally except to recognize that he was strong. And his death is a tragedy, obviously. So it's this unfortunate stoicism. He doesn't get the girl, doesn't have friends, dies alone. It's a romanticization of stoicism, because he is a good guy for saving everyone, but it's sad because it destroyed him. It's not viewed as healthy for John at any point. And the other people in the song, who show emotion, are not demonized for it. Big John isn't better because he's stoic. He is a hero because he could and did save people. The stoicism is set dressing for a sad story to make it sadder.

Eventually, though, it became less about being stoic FOR other people, and more being stoic because it's bad to be emotional, then bad to have emotions. The difference? "I will shoulder your burdens, even if it kills me" is like a tragic heroicism, as in Big John's case. "I will make sure to shoulder everything so that you don't think I'm weak and deny me masculinity and a place in this society that prizes a certain kind of masculine person above all other people" has no love in it. It has no purpose. "Boys don't cry", in theory, should be about being the strong, stable influence in a situation where someone needs to be that. In practice, it became about being an emotionless gargoyle so that you don't lose status. Big John shouldered a burden so that everyone else could live - that is noble, heroic. If overapplied, it is harmful to the individual, but sometimes someone needs to be practical, stoic. Anne from Persuasion fills this role after Louisa hits her head. Despite this being an entirely appropriate time to be emotional, someone had to be practical and set their emotions aside to properly handle the situation. Anne fills this role, showing less emotion about her sister in law but making sure she was able to receive medical attention. In modern toxic masculinity, this purpose-driven stoicism is not what is held up as ideal. Instead, emotions are put down as weak and unrespectable. This helps no one, and instead harms the individual for no reason. This is more the Alpha Male version of stoicism.

Alpha Males (and Sigma males, their emo cousin) are somewhat of a pinnacle of toxic masculinity. For them, stoicism is fundamental to manhood, and means not only not showing emotions, but not having them. They shoulder burdens, not to lift them off of others, but to prove they can. For them, stoicism is a matter of pride. It means they're better than everyone else, because they aren't infected with a feminine trait: being emotional. Yep, there's the sexism. Being feminine? Bad. Because men are better than women, of course. So they manage to avoid all POSITIVE feminine traits and make themselves worse in the process. Emotions, falsely labeled feminine, are among these. This still harms the Alpha Male, even as it harms others. So rather than dying to save twenty men, they harm themselves so they can put down and demean others.

So stoicism isn't a bad thing in every situation. Constant stoicism is unhealthy, stoicism shouldn't be enforced with social punishment, and emotions aren't bad. However, saving others or helping others out is a good thing. Big John should probably have been less stoic most of his life, but he was a tragic hero for saving those men in a stoic way. Alpha Males have the worst possible version of stoicism. And the main difference, in my opinion?

The love has left stoicism. It used to be that the stoic man would save others, cared about people. Now caring about people is viewed as a bad thing. It used to be that you couldn't show emotions. Now you can't have them. It used to be a sacrifice, now it's a point of pride.

Counterpoint: Joel and Ellie, the Stoic Accidental Dad archetype. This is a modern thing that goes back to the older version of stoicism in some ways. The Stoic man, probably morally grey or an antihero in some way, accidentally becomes a foster parent to a child. Accidentally starts caring. At its best, this gives the stoicism its love back. Now they shoulder burdens for this child. Now they don't show fear or sadness so that the child can believe everything will be okay. Still, perhaps, not healthy for the individual, but it has a purpose. It shows the love of the stoic.

Just watched season 2 of OBX and what I've gathered is that

—Ward is a Psychopath

—And Rafe is a Sociopath/Manic

★Also Big John is alive!?!★

Outer Banks characters as gifs

Kiara Carrera

Pope Heyward

JJ Maybank

John B

Rafe Cameron

Carla Limbrey

Topper Thornton

Ward Cameron

Cleo

The Pouges

Role cal

Rebecca, the brainy one, head of censorship and mind control

Heather, the cool one, I put drugs in the water supply

Valencia, the sexy one, czar of torture