Borderliner - Tumblr Posts

feminine dread

an alternate face to the renowned feminine rage

aka sad girl core or feminine torment

ROMANTICISM MEETS EXISTENTIALISM

key attributes: crying in your room, late nights spent thinking, staring vacantly at the ceiling; never feeling like enough - not pretty enough, not female enough, not smart enough, not human enough, not kind enough, not tough enough. hot-girl summer sad-girl always. loner. standing at the margins. no one sees me, gets me.

i feel nothing and the weight of everything pressing over me all at once.

i'm a void, a crater, something carved out and left incomplete, something that's lacking.

a lifelong quest for something to fill this void but nothing suffices, it all just pours right through me.

my sense of identity is fragmented such that i've never held my entire reflection - some shard's always amiss. the painful absence impales me and leaves me gasping for breath, crawling and choking. the tension of a ghost limb, but the limb is something deep within me that i can't name or palpate. instead, it rattles like a can with a single coin, the echoes mocking the vacancy. i worry the outside world can hear it as i brush shoulder with strangers.

will i ever come to know the feeling of normalcy or was I only ever mean to exist like this? to feel like an anomaly? a glitch?

An echo resounds through me as my fist collides with my chest. A forlorn reminder of the empty, hollow, nameless thing that I am. I don't even feel human most times.

Perhaps it all really is some simulation. No memory ever really ours; only some ploy meant for entertainment of the bored creator.

-penned by j. m. medna (2024)