Brokebacknatural - Tumblr Posts
The fact that I see this post just now, go on Insta and see Misha‘s story WHERE HE SAYS TI AMO!!!!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!
SORRY. AND THANK YOU.
I want to thank you all for making this fandom fun, crazy, intense and full of amazing and talented people.
Since all the chaos i put you all through i feel like a behind the scenes is the least i can do or you can call it my classic villain long ass annoying explanation.
And yeah, I, because i’m one (1) stupid ass bitch.
What started this?
Well, i was obviously angry for everything.
Then Misha posted a video where he threw the “rogue translator” under the bus and said “But I’m confident you guys can sort that part out as your writing, art, and imaginations play the story out past the last frames we filmed.“
And so i did.
That one line fueled so much anger in me, because after everything, we really do need to fix it ourselves? Then watch me do it. In this moment i got basically possessed by revenge, anger and inspiration. Many of you figured out how i did it but let me walk you through it! I downloaded the first confession video i could find on youtube, decided the part i wanted to dub and started digging. I looked up all supernatural scripts, then i had to go to Vampire diaries and whatever the frick that legions spinoff was, then all the Twilight movies, then One Tree Hill, Marley & I and so on. It was pure suffering. Each time i found a matching word i had to check the episode to find out if the intonation was right, if there was music, or if the dubber even had the same tone of voice so i went to a lot of youtube clips and streamings that i absolutely didnt want to watch. After 24 hours i had heard so many “ti amo” and “castiel” i started to hear them when editing the background. In the end, of all the stuff i found most of it was trash and not worth to be on this leak, so i had to dig again. And i found it, the “i love you”, it comes from The Office, the PDA episode. I still feel bad about putting that one there but it was the only one that somehow worked wit the lipsync (Yeah, i also looked at that, what the fuck is wrong with me?). While as for the “anch’io” that dean says it comes from the 2x20 and the so much loved and apreciated “Castiel" and “i’m sorry” is from the 8x17. So yeah i worked so much for nothing, but i was still proud of what i had. (you can now imagine a montage of me trying to edit out the background music for hours from random voice clips just to throw them all away in the end) As for the background music i zoomed in as much as possible and basically hand stitched the music to make it sound seamless, and GOD Yes i even went through the whole original soundtrack to see if there was anything i could use to just slap and replace but obvs not, so back to hand stitching and hearing voices for like 2-3 hours. it was now 8 am and i heard that clip so many times it didnt make sense anymore, so i slept for like, three hours before waking up with the worst idea i ever had. I was running on like, a total of 5 hours of sleep in two days because i also had a fever and ANYWAY. I thought “what if i make this real, like, real real” Thats when the LEAK idea was born, that same morning of the 27. I did some googling, i looked up a in studio picture and saw the counter, that i couldnt recreate with any program i had (btw, i only used imovie for this disaster) i tried them all and at that point i just wanted it to end so i was FUCK THIS. FUCK. And went to youtube, and, well. I found what i was sure was gonna get me busted. This. When i put this in the video i knew someone was gonna get me, and i was 70% sure it would have been this. Then, i slapped everything together and decided what to do with the logo. So i did the most logical thing and googled “remove watermark from video“ and this is the 30% of the other thing that would have gotten me busted, because it was crap and obvious but i was running on zero sleep and my brain was on fire and i was not thinking anymore at that point. The video was done, and now i just had to put it on my tv (AND I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR, I READ ALL OF YOUR POSTS AND COMMENTS AND CALLING MY POOR TV OLD AND ANCIENT HURT ME WAY MORE THAN ALL THE OTHER THINGS YOU GUYS CALLED ME, but i guess its fair) i turned on my ps4 and went on this cursed blog where i already posted the hd version of the video, i made a recording of the tv and then deleted the hd one and posted the phone recorded one. Spammed it at random people that were online at the time (according to tumblr) and waited. I want also to say that after watching this clip an infinite number of times that the ORIGINAL editing si absolute trash, there are music skips and cgi bugs, then the camera cuts are absolutely random and they 100& cut a shit ton of video, and took away some random lines says when thrown on the gorund. And in this moment i was thinking about the CW, about how they buried our gays again. But that grave is big enough for everyone working on that network spreading hate, homophobia, racism ableism and so on. Your time will come too. Anyway, when i started to come to my sense and wonder if what i did was right or wrong. I still don’t know if i would do it again. I feel like i was giving hope, i really did, because if this lie could hold a bit longer, then it would be real for a moment more. I’m sorry for making anyone feel bad about this, i really am, if its of any consolation i went through hell and i will never blame anyone for hating me. I just couldn’t make this fandom end on such a bittersweet note, not like that. I hope that whoever tried to debunk this had some fun, and maybe made some good memories with friends over this.
Thank you everyone for debunking this, you were all amazing. I will miss this fandom.
Thinking about Dean during the Stanford era just before everything went down going to see Brokeback Mountain in theaters. He heard whispers about it but would deny that he knew anything about it if anyone had been around to ask. One night he sneaks into a theatre in a mid-sized town (not so big that it would be busy, not so small that he would stand out). He buys tickets for a different film and sneaks into a late-night showing, and makes sure to sit in the back so he can avoid the judgmental gaze of other patrons (they're not judging you, Dean, they're here for the same reason you are).
Thinking about Dean watching the slow-building yearning and the casual displays of intimacy and affection between Jack and Ennis during their summer ranching. Thinking about how they both go on to get married and have kids but continue to feel so deeply dissatisfied with their lives. Thinking about their reunion 4 years later and a kiss so frenzied that it bruised their noses. Thinking about twenty years of back-and-forth, of yearning for something one of them is too afraid of have. Thinking about the heartbreak of “I wish I knew how to quit you” and “sometimes I miss you so much I can’t hardly stand it” and "it's because of you, Jack, that I'm like this," and "there ain't ever enough time." Thinking about Dean silently breaking down during Ennis' call to Jack's widow, and again when he enters the closet of his lover's childhood bedroom to find a relic of their relationship, hidden away in a dark corner. Private. Loved.
When Dean left the theatre, he was a changed person - heartbroken for something that, in that very moment, he couldn't name within himself. I think that he carries the story with him throughout the series. Eventually, he is able to name that heartbreak - of loving someone so completely but never being able to say it. Of fearing what others would do if they knew, of having someone but never allowing yourself to actually have it.
Of course he sees the comparisons to be made between Cas and him. He sees what his insistence in believing in Cas, even when his gut tells him otherwise, means. He understands what is being left unspoken in long, drawn out gazes and crooked smiles. He knows that their post-death hugs and late nights spent chatting with each other while watching the old westerns that Dean loves mean so much more than they pretend.
I think that over the years, Dean would return to the film and re-mourn the loss of Jack. Over and over, on nights when Sam is out late researching in an archive and Dean knows he has a few hours alone. He has a torrented copy (because he can't risk the physical evidence being found, even after settling into the bunker). I think that Charlie probably downloaded for him, because of course - she knew. Maybe she slipped it in a batch of movies Dean requested from her, with a few of her own added in for good measure. He regrets never having the chance to thank her for that.
After Cas dies and goes to the empty, Dean hangs the jacket with the bloody handprint on the inside of his dresser door. He stands there and thinks about Ennis finding his and Jack's bloody shirts intertwined in a hidden spot in the back of his closet, together, after his death. Dean stands, staring at the jacket, heartbroken. He thinks about loving and losing and never-really-having. Of letting yourself bask in the sun, shining on your face. If he can't have Cas, he wishes that the universe, or Chuck, or whatever, had at least seen fit to have left him with Cas's trench coat to protect on the inside of his stained jacket. But it (or he) didn't, all he has left is the relic of his not-lover's handprint, marked in blood.