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Different attitudes to Sansa and Lyanna

I hate different attitudes. Sansa was 11-12 years, when ,,betray” (how many said) his famaly. But what about Lyanna Stark? She was 14 -15, when go with Rhaegar ( if R+L=J is true). As result this action Robert stsrted war and many man died (at first Brandon and Rickard Stark died). She can’t know what this might happend.But she must understand, that she betrothed with Robert and Rhaegar have wife with 2 kids. And if she marry with him honor her famaly will suffer as relations between Starks and Baratheons (and maybe with Targareyn too).I am generally silent about Reagan's actions.