Cackled - Tumblr Posts
rick riordan really told us he was gonna throw a gay couple in hell and we were like "so true bestie as long as they kiss"
Sun
Dear sun
You're now free (for now) from this takeover of this channel of yours and your brother.
Now you have to
Garfield the deals warlock: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “voidfish ichor” 😳💊 you’ll be knowing what they don’t want you to know 💯👨💻
Tres horny boys: yeah whatever. i don’t feel shit.
5 minutes later: dude we gotta stop the hunger from eating the universe
The red robe hovering ominously in the corner: Lucretia is lying to you
"not all men" you're right. Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the son of God, would never treat me like this
every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself
so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead
now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here
the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family
eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again
half of my time spent in public spaces consists of me wondering if i’m acting normal enough
