Choi San Fanfic - Tumblr Posts

This was so well written and I loved it low-key want to cry lol

Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches | Choi San

💐 IMPORTANT: Re-upload from my deleted account (hongjoongspoetry).

💐 Summary: Being a mother wasn’t an item on your bucket list, never has and probably never will be. You were more than content with living a childless life and it wasn't an occurring issue before, until you brought your boyfriend on a trip to your parents’ where his love for kids unveiled right in your face. You were adamant on your choice, but scared what the future held for you and your boyfriend.

💐 Pairing(s): idol!San x f!reader

💐 Genres/Tropes: tooth rotting fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, a lil suggestive

💐 Warnings/Tags: no use of (Y/N), mentions of pregnancies, arguments, explicit language, expectations that come with being a woman, reader doesn't want babies, pushy family, emotional invalidation, listed pregnancy side effects, san with kids

💐 Wordcount: 12.2K

💐 Author's note: Here's a lil treat inspired by my fear of pregnancies. I am not a mother and I'm not trying to offend anyone who is. I haven't experienced motherhood so I wouldn't understand the complicit feelings that come with it, this is more my observation of it I guess.

Edited 22 January, 2024!

AO3 masterlist Click on me!

This is all fiction and not meant to represent San in any way or form.

Babies weren’t foreign to you even at the age of five.

You knew what they were; you had been one, your parents and siblings too, heck every living thing had been a baby at one point in their life. From the carrots growing in your grandma’s garden to the old ducks swimming in the pond down the street. 

Babies were cute. A bit annoying, but nonetheless cute. Probably the reason why your parents decided to have so many children or was it the nostalgia of holding an infant when their kids grew up to be living ticking time bombs. 

It wasn’t anything weird or something you paid attention to. It was quite simple too; people had children because they fell in love or to keep the relationship floating.

Children were simple beings. What they hear they shall question. Seeing your teacher highly pregnant, rubbing her stomach and wearing a gleeful expression, talking about birth and pregnancies and everything else coming with that had you taking in the information like a sponge absorbing water. 

“Mom, did you give birth to me?” 

“Of course, honey, I am your mom aren’t I?” You remember her gently wiping your cheek, a warm smile adorning her face.

You hummed in agreement, throwing a cut piece of steak in your mouth somewhat satisfied with her answer. Your eyes filtered between Hana and Jun, watching them push at each other’s shoulders clearly bickering over something so pointless your dad couldn’t bother stopping them. Not that it was possible, they were brought into this world together and separating them would only bring more chaos.

“Did you give birth to Hana-unnie and Jun-oppa too?”

“Yah! What do you think, airhead?!” Jun snarkily replied and got a light whack of the head by your sister.

“Sweetie, don’t hit your brother.” 

Hana rolled her eyes. “Even if he deserves it?” 

“Even if he deserves it,” your father concluded and urged them to eat. 

Another piece of meat was flung in your mouth as you stared at the family portrait behind the twins, focusing on your other siblings who moved out a long time ago and already started their own families. Your mother saw the bemused tingle covering your features.

“Go on and eat your food.”

A small pout adorned your lips, “How do you give birth?”

Your parents were more than prepared for the wonders of your mind, any question fired at them had already been answered years ago with your older siblings. That’s what they thought at least and it explained why the dinner table went pin silent as the question was flung out in the open.

The seasons changed like your father changed channels. Spring fluttered into summer quicker than expected. Budded flowers opened, the various colored roses adorning your grandma’s fence beautifully. The breeze welcomed you with open arms, proudly announcing the start of summer break. The transition between summer and autumn was slow. The rich green leaves took their time changing shades – red, orange and eventually an ugly brown that reminded you of wet mornings and cold coffees – before the howling wind swirled them away, stripping the trees of its beauty. 

As the years passed your My Little Pony boots were replaced with wedge heels and your favorite color wasn’t pink, but black – even though Jun argued black wasn’t a color – and before you knew it Hana moved out with her boyfriend, now husband, of six years. A small but evident baby bump peeking behind her knitted sweater.

You were seventeen at that time, the twins twenty-two and your remaining siblings already thirty-something. 

Her baby girl wasn’t the first grandchild of your family tree and she certainly wasn’t going to be the last either, because four years later she welcomed another child into the world just a couple of months before your brother’s wife. That made a grand total of seven grandkids, three girls and four boys.

You were very grateful to your mom for giving birth to you last and grateful for the free birth control your siblings provided you with. Despite their children having moments of incarnating the devil, they weren’t the issue to your disdain of want for a baby. 

Some said it was the lack of a boyfriend and others pointed out you being too focused on your academic studies – that your decision to start university was too hasty – depriving you of your youth, as if a newborn wouldn’t.

You saw what motherhood did to your sisters and in-laws, and it wasn’t anything you’d like for yourself. Not even after meeting your boyfriend, who you were madly in love with and he was completely head over heels for you, did your perception change. 

Babies were cute to look at, but growing one inside of you? No thanks. 

You glanced at San through the bathroom mirror, white shaving cream around his face.

“Don’t you have filming with the Return of Superman today?” 

“Yep, have to make sure the beard doesn’t scratch the kids.”

You laughed again, “Beard? I haven’t seen you with a stub in how many months now, let alone a beard.”

Your eyes met in the reflection, one of his brows raised and lips puckered as if contemplating something. He then let go of the razor and gently took hold of your waist and neck, pressing his sticky cheek against yours. You yelled out and tried to push him away, but he barely moved.

“What did you say about my beard?”

“You have a beautiful beard! So pretty and well-kept!”

San smiled brightly, dimples popping and eyes creasing as he planted a wet kiss on your forehead. 

“Thank you baby!”

The white cream was washed off with extreme care, as he was afraid of wetting your clothes and hair. 

“There you go.” He threw on a gray hoodie, black hair slightly disheveled but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with you running your hand through it. 

“I’d say thanks, but you’re at fault.”

He rested his hands on your hips, thumbs sneaking underneath the white fabric of your blouse to caress the soft skin beneath. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

Your twentieth lap around the world was filled with many experiences and emotions. You finally moved out of the countryside to the big city and found an apartment in the middle of Seoul. As much as you loved the feeling of freedom and independence you also despised it. Not having anyone waiting on you by the door, no home cooked meals or clean clothes neatly made on your bed reminded you of what you left behind. 

Although it was hard to adapt at first you managed and with the help of a friend you quickly adjusted to the busy city life. As someone wise once said; after rain came sunshine, and your sunshine was San. The boy your friend introduced you to when you still had little to no knowledge of Korean pop groups besides the older generations and singing ring-ding-dong no repeat.

At the time he was just San, a funny and caring friend you could be yourself with, occasionally going out to secluded shops for coffee and pastries. You never questioned the scenery and request of privacy, always giving people the benefit of the doubt, until a girl stopped you on your way to a morning class with the demand you tell her who you were and what connection you had to her Sannie. 

With a trembling voice you answered her truthfully, debunking any conclusions she already made up in her mind.

You didn’t go to school that day or home for that matter either, scared to be followed and questioned again by a potential lover or side-piece so you did the next best thing; stopped by a 7-eleven and spent your morning there before taking the first train to your sister’s unannounced, spilling everything like an overflowing bucket.

As the mature woman she was, she spurred you on to ask San. Saying you deserved answers to your questions and to potentially clear up any misunderstandings – if there were any of that is. 

The moment you told him about the girl, he came forward with who he was, something he admitted he should’ve done immediately, but didn’t for two reasons: a) you allowed him to be himself with no walls and b) he was worried the truth would scare you away. Heck, you were already chased just by being near him and you didn’t even know anything. To your luck, the girl wasn’t his girlfriend or a crazy ex, but a fan and San was an idol.

A few weeks after his confession your friendship progressed and blossomed into a beautiful relationship. You could proudly call him yours in the privacy of your apartment and he could wrap his arm around you – face masks and caps on of course – scaring the prying eyes of other men. He filled your solitude with the comfort and love you missed so dearly.

“Honey, have you seen my gray hoodie? I can’t find it in your wardrobe.” San stood before your closet, torso exposed and an expensive towel you can’t remember the brand of wrapped around his hips.

You were in the kitchen brewing coffee for the both of you. A plain yet pretty dress stuck tightly to your form, “Mmm, I think it’s in the basket with all the other clean clothes.”

The taps of his bare feet filled your apartment accompanied by a gasp seconds later.

“Did you find it?”

Large arms slinked around your waist and pulled you into San’s chest, he nuzzled his nose against the bare spot on your neck before peppering it with tender pecks, “Thank you, honey.”

“Always, baby. Here’s your coffee.”

You gingerly handed him the cup, but San had other plans. Ever-so-gently he titled your head sideways as his lips met yours. It was soft and made your stomach swoop as if going down a steep roller coaster. 

San had that effect on you no matter what he did. 

“You have to…get dressed or…we’ll be late,” you said between kisses. 

His chest vibrated against your back as he hummed in delight, “This is worth getting in trouble for.”

“I’m sure it is, but I don’t think Wooyoung will appreciate that.”

“I don’t care.” 

A laugh bubbled out as you rewarded him with one last kiss to the cheek. Eventually you both parted ways. San went first, wearing an obligatory cap and mask while meeting up with his manager further down the street and you followed shortly after, taking the commute to your workplace. 

“So,” you started after placing the pot on the table between your plates, immediately filling San’s, “my parents invited us to theirs next week.”

He nodded, “I think I can make it, but I’ll have to double-check with the guys and managers.”

It was the first date night in weeks where both of you were free from work and had enough energy to meet up. You originally invited all the boys, but San was keen on keeping you to himself, claiming he wanted some alone time. If it were up to him he’d see you everyday even for just five minutes, arguing that the short time could give him the motivation to work harder. In return you reminded him the journey from his dorm to your place was a thirty minute long drive without traffic, the energy he’d get would evaporate in seconds.

“It’s okay if you can’t make it, Sannie. I know you guys have a lot to do, especially with the release of your new album.”

“Mmm, don’t worry about that. We’ll see first, but I’m telling you now. I want to go.” He reached for your hand across the small table and you returned the sentiment with a squeeze before beckoning him to eat.

You took notice of his upturned lips and crescent moon eyes. It wasn’t an unusual sight, San was always in a good mood and when he wasn’t he still mustered up a smile warm enough to brighten your day.

“What are you smiling about?” You teased, carrying a grin of your own.

“You should have seen the kids the other day, they were so cute.”

“Oh, it completely slipped my mind to ask. How was it?”

“It was fun and they were so, so cute. All of them really.”

“I can imagine, Sannie.”

“I don’t want to say too much, you still have to wait for the episode, but ohhh! I can’t stop smiling.”

You chuckled and enjoyed seeing your boyfriend suffer a hard case of baby fever. San loved kids, put that man near a kid and anyone in one mile radius would see it. That was how you found out. 

You were babysitting your niece one random Thursday night, your brother claiming ‘you owed him’ for something you did in your childhood days that was long forgotten. San asked if you were free that same night, but you sadly turned him down, briefly explaining the situation and voilá. The date was moved from a five star restaurant to your living room with blankets and ice cream and a toddler with bigger love for Bluey than her aunt.

San’s love for kids wasn’t something he expressed with you, but rather something you saw through gentle touches and light coos, a few stolen pecks here and there.

It wasn’t an issue to you. In all honesty, it was attractive because how many men did you know who actually showed interest in their children? How many dads knew their kids’ birth dates or their favorite ice cream flavor?

And yeah, you felt the same. Your nieces and nephews were cute, especially when they wore matching clothes for Chuseok and Christmas. Don’t even get you started on their birthday costumes.

But it wasn’t enough to make you want one. 

It wasn’t worth the nine month long journey of fatigue, mood swings, nausea, stretch marks and not to mention the painful process of giving birth and what came after; potentially loss of teeth, tearing the perineum, hair loss… the list is truly endless.

Not wanting kids wasn’t a problem until you stumbled into San who carried a love big enough for the whole population of South Korea. 

“I can’t wait till we have kids,” San admitted as you stuffed your mouth with a spoonful of rice.

The clock hanging above the kitchen entrance didn’t freeze but you sure did. The words would make anyone squeal and melt at once, however they washed over you like a big cold wave in the atlantic ocean and sent your food into the wrong pipe. San jumped up from his seat and patted your back while opening a can of coke with his other hand. 

“Drink this.” He pushed the beverage in your hands and waited to make sure you were alright. The coughing didn’t stop but at least you could breathe. “Better?”

You sent him a nod, not trusting your voice to keep its cool. San didn’t question the lack of response to his blunt statement nor why you nearly choked to death. The night ended with you two hastily filling the dish machine and cuddling together on the couch with you laying on top of him. A boring movie played on the big TV while you basked in each other’s embrace. 

Halfway through the movie you cleared your throat, not being able to shake the conversation from earlier, “You want kids?”

“Not right now, but someday,” San said, one hand under his head and the other rubbing your back. He then glanced down at you. “Don’t you?”

You turned so your chin rested on his chest, noses almost touching and his peppermint breath fanning your face.  The simple two letter word was stuck in your throat, and like the coward you were you swallowed them down with guilt. You shot him a quick smile and even manually crinkled your eyes to make it more believable.

Twenty minutes later and San was out like a light, the hectic schedules and plenty of sleepless nights getting to him in the end. Sleep didn’t come as easy to you. Mind too occupied with thinking, thinking and more thinking. Tears blurred your eyes and you didn't know if they were from the stuffy room or the guilt bubbling in your abdomen. 

The incident was pushed under the rug in your living room, neither bringing it up again nor the topic of a future family, mainly because you were both drowning in work and adult responsibilities. The days passed in a flash and when Friday came around San was parked outside the building early in the morning, welcoming you with a preheated seat and a cup of steaming hot coffee. 

“The twins and their kids are the only ones who could come. Mimi-unnie’s little ones caught the flu and Jin couldn’t get away from work.”

Coming from a rather small family and then moving in with seven men he considered brothers was quite the change for young San, so hearing that neither Mimi or Jin, and their respective families, could make it made him deflate.

“That’s unfortunate. We haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“Yeah, but at the same time I can already feel the headache coming from having seven kids running around all day.”

“That’s how Hongjoong must feel all the time.”

The image of seven twenty-something-year olds running around as toddlers and an exhausted Hongjoong not far behind them popped up in your head and brought out a laugh. Then last week’s phone call with your mother interrupted the vision and you got serious again. 

“Did you bring spare clothes? Mom said they were warning of a rainstorm.” 

“Yep. It’s in the trunk with your things.”

Your hands rested on your lap and San, feeling the need to touch you, gently intertwined your fingers with his and placed a kiss to the back of your hand. He occasionally withdrew when changing gears before resuming his hold. The ride was long and by the time you arrived you were exhausted despite not doing anything but passing San snacks every once in a while. 

Squeals of joy and multiple little feet padding against the hardwood floor had your lips curling upwards as you opened the door. You crouched down and were greeted with two kids catapulting in your embrace.

“Hello little chicks,” you said and planted a kiss on the crown of their heads.

“Did you miss us?” Borah asked, her small hands tightening around your neck leaving barely any room for her little brother. 

Before you could reassure her the door opened behind you and in came San, thus stealing the lovely cuddle session right from beneath your nose.

“Uncle San!”

He lifted both children in his arms and beamed at their giggles and kicking legs. You craned your head up, eyes trailing up to San’s closed ones, and your heart swelled with love. He looked like he belonged right there surrounded by tiny humans with toothless smiles and snotty noses.  

A tug at your sleeve had your head whipping forwards, “Kai,” you cooed at the youngest of the batch earning a blurb of happy noises.

The hallway proceeded to be crowded by the rest of the house. Hugs and kisses were exchanged with your family and out of the corner of your eyes you could see San exchanging a firm handshake with your father.

“You’re right in time for dinner!” Your mother gleefully exclaimed and ushered you inside, the little ones slinking around her legs like overly fed kittens mooching for more food.

The first hour was spent catching up and talking about everything you’ve missed out on in each other’s lives. Your father initiated small talk with San, asking him about the drive there and if he had a lot of work even wondering how the rest of Ateez were doing. To your relief your parents treated him as their third son and your siblings weren’t opposed to the idea of another brother.

You sat in between Jun and Jisoo – his wife – giving her all of your attention. Apparently she was in the middle of her second trimester, something you just found out. You sent Jun a quick glare and a whack to the back of his head, and as he was about to fight back he slumped back in his seat all thanks to the stern eyes of his wife.

“Here let me help you, mom.” 

San ventured into the open kitchen and took the plates from your mother’s hands. She tried stopping him but it was to no avail, once a gentleman, always a gentleman. So she did the next best thing. 

“Are you not embarrassed Jun? Sitting on your rear while the guests prepare the table!”

“I’m a guest too?!” He cried and Jisoo stifled a laugh behind her palm, the other hand rubbing her swollen belly.

“Yah, guest my ass. It’s your house as much as it’s mine so get over here before I rip your ear off.”

San stood by the table and waited for another chance to interfere, or as Jun liked to call it ‘buttering up to the in-laws’. You creeped up behind San and leaned your cheek against his bicep.

“You good?” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of your head. If someone knew what it meant to be separated from family then it was San, having not seen his own parents in how many years now?

“I’m perfect,” you replied and discreetly created some space between you as the rest of the family entered the kitchen. 

Unlike San, you weren’t very keen on showing public affection especially as you guys never did it due to him being a literal celebrity. You had no problem showering him with love behind closed doors, but it was different with so many people around and in front of your parents nonetheless. That was just forbidden, almost illegal in your books. 

As if they hadn’t done the deed at least four times–

“Well go on, why are you standing there like sheep waiting for Lassie.”

Everyone swammered the table per your mother’s request. You, San and Borah sat on one side of the table with your mother and father on each end, and Jun, Jisoo and Hana across from you.

“How is work, sweetie?”

You faced your mother as she filled your plate with food and you practically tore the spatula from her hands.

“It’s good. There’s a lot now that people are on vacation, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“You’ve always been a hard worker,” she grumbled. “And how are you otherwise?” 

Your brows furrowed, “I’m great too. What do you mean?” 

She stared you dead in the eyes, making sure you were looking at her too, and flickered her gaze down to your stomach and back up again three times.

“I am healthy.”

The bite you tried to hide slipped out and she couldn’t help but scoff. 

“Of course you’re healthy. I don’t give birth to sick babies.”

You don’t know when your mother turned so…sour. When her gentle touches turned to pinches and words of endearment became sneers of displeasure. Over one summer she had changed drastically and called every two to three weeks, asking the same questions, hoping for different answers.

“At least someone here is eating for two.”

The sentence struck you right in the heart and it bothered you how easily she got under your skin. As if prioritizing yourself brought shame on your whole family tree, it wasn’t like she didn’t have a soccer team of grandkids already.

Your sister-in-law smiled timidly and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her being put in the spotlight just because of your mother’s pettiness.

“Oh, that reminds me, San-ah! We watched your Return of Superman episode,” Hana said excitedly. 

“Who do you like more, uncle San, me or Jaeyul?”

“Mmm, that is a hard question, Borah. How about this, I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it a secret?”

The five year old immediately nodded and San – keeping his promise – gently whispered in her ear, “You.” 

A gasp slinked out of her lips and she threw her hands over her mouth, the two exchanged a look and San made a zipping motion over his lips, a gesture Borah copied. 

“Wah, you’re so good with kids San-ah,” Jun complimented.

“I was just about to say that! We couldn’t stop smiling, it was so endearing. All of you, really,” your sister added and pushed her thick glasses up against her nose. 

San straightened at the praise. A dust of red covered his face accompanied with a bright smile. 

“I just love kids.” 

“Then it’s about time you get some, don’t keep us waiting any longer.”

Your body tensed and your grip on the spoon tightened. Your mother talked about the matter as if babies were truly delivered by storks and not an almost year long process. You kept your gaze on your plate, not daring to meet anyone’s stares, not when you could feel San’s bore into the side of your face. You two had yet to talk about the future and it wasn’t something you were ready for, especially not after his random burst of baby fever. 

San cleared his throat, “Well I’d rather first put a ring on your daughter’s finger, if that’s alright with her.”

Oh, how you loved this man. 

You didn’t need things to be official to know how you felt about San. A scribble of paper and a ring on your finger wouldn’t make your love more real, but you knew if San asked the big question you’d say yes in a heartbeat.

Heat ran through you, from the center of your heart to the tips of your toes, and it was hard to suppress the smile fighting its way on your face. The twins ‘oh-ed’ loudly, Jun even made the table into a makeshift drum as Borah and Jisoo jumped on the teasing wagon. Your father smiled at the scene before him. It was about time you got married, he thought but kept it to himself. Your mother on the other hand wasn’t all too pleased. As much as she wanted you to marry before conceiving, she didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary and with how your life was going, a marriage wasn’t an event in any of her five future calendars.

“Are we supposed to call you Mrs. Choi now?” 

A hard smack resounded in the house with a groan.

The dinner ended with no more personal questions about your and San’s relationship as all the attention was diverted to Jun and Jisoo’s unborn baby. Now you were all gathered in the living room, except for Jisoo who long passed out in Jun’s childhood bedroom. 

“Auntie.” Borah grabbed at your elbow, her legs stretched over your thighs as she sat in San’s lap with her head resting against his chest. 

“Yes, flower?”

Her eyes were droopy and she barely stayed awake despite the loud conversation of the adults. You inched closer to her to easily decipher her slurring words.

“I wanna sleep with you and uncle San.”

“Mmm, you want to cuddle with us?” She nodded tiredly. “Lemme ask uncle San first, okay flower?”

You caressed her hair and she smacked her lips before readjusting herself in San’s arms. Despite balancing between sleep and consciousness she was determined to know his answer. 

It didn’t take much more than a gentle ‘Sannie’ for you to catch his attention, “Borah wants to sleep in our bed. Is that alright with you?” 

He glanced down at the usually sugar rushed child and chuckled at her passed out form. “Of course. Here, I’ll tuck her in.”

While he went upstairs, easily navigating through the house from the previous visits, you stepped foot in the kitchen. The dishes from the dinner had just been pushed aside by your mother as she was dead set on everyone spending more time together, not allowing anyone entry in the kitchen unless it was to get more food. 

Although she was challenging your patience for the past five hours, you still loved her dearly so washing the dishes was the least you could do without blatantly saying it.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” 

Speak of the devil and they shall appear.

“Nothing, making your life easier.”

“Oh, please. My life hasn’t been any easier since you moved out. Constantly worrying about you.”

“Really, mom? There’s nothing to worry about plus it’s not like I’m alone. I have San.” You rinsed a plate and stacked it on the rack to your left.

“I know…That’s what I’m afraid of.”

A glass nearly slipped out of your hands. Your confused eyes met her worried ones and you bit the inside of your cheek, not really understanding what she was getting at.

“Why…I’m sorry, what are you exactly…afraid of?” 

The anxiety grew like weeds in your mind at her gentle whisper of your name. Did she not like San? But that was impossible; she practically referred to him as her favorite son-in-law. 

“Don’t you think it’s time you two get serious?”

“Okay!” You dropped the sponge in the sink and placed your soapy hands on your hips. “You really need to stop talking in riddles or my head is going to explode from anxiety.”

“There you go again with that anxiety. It’s not real!”

“Nope! Don’t try to change the subject. Say what you really mean or just stop talking, mom I swear it’s the only chance I’m giving you to be outright honest with me.”

A beat of silence passed and then another. Just as you thought she was backing down, the second most outrageous thing of the day came out of her mouth.

“Get married to San before he leaves you for someone else.”

You scoffed, “Unbelievable. You’re unbelievable.”

The rag hanging off your shoulder was snatched as you used it to dry your hands, but the anger proved that to be difficult so you bolted up to your room, not bothering with bidding anyone a good night’s sleep. You just needed to get away from the tension downstairs and, believe it or not, you craved San’s comfort.

Anger clouded your vision and all rational thoughts were pushed aside as you threw the door open, scaring San and nearly arousing little Borah. As much as you wanted to slam it shut, you couldn’t. Instead you did the childish-angry thing where you swing the door with all your might and stop it just as it was about to close and create an atomic-like explosion. 

San rose from his comfortable position on the pink fluffy carpet that teenage-you chose, eyes wide in alarm and arms reaching for you. 

He had changed out of the black hoodie and gray suit pants and into something more comfortable; a satin black pajamas you gifted him for Valentine’s day with a pair of semi-rimless glasses perched on his nose. Something about the look made him so domestic your anger nearly disappeared into thin air. 

“Woah, woah. What’s wrong?” 

You hid your face in your hands and San wasted no time taking you in his arms, bringing your body close to him. The motion had you sighing deeply as you exhaustively sunk into his embrace. San didn’t push for an answer and for that you were grateful. He rubbed your back and kissed your temple, nose and cheek.

“It’s my mom,” you eventually whispered.

“You wanna talk about it?” 

You didn’t move at first, weighing your options. Sharing the harsh words of your mom would lead to a conversation you weren’t ready to take. So you shrugged and clasped your hands around his torso. 

“Yes and no.”

“Okay, come here.” 

He gave you another kiss before moving you so your back was against his chest and shuffled over to the bed. He sat down by Borah’s feet, careful not to wake her, and pulled you between his legs dangling over the edge of the queen sized bed. His hands found home on your stomach immediately easing you off your anger. 

“We’ll do whatever you feel like. We can talk about it if you want or I can just listen to you, but if you don’t want to we won’t. We can find something else to do. It’s up to you, honey.”

You took his hands in yours and examined his each and every finger. A wave of nervousness washed over you and a distraction was needed to untangle your tied tongue. 

“She just said some…mean things I guess.”

“About you?”

You nodded silently. “About us.”

San hummed and you honestly expected a stronger reaction, but you should’ve known better. 

He was rational and never really lashed out, at least not that you knew of. You’d never seen him angry enough to act on it.

“She didn’t mean anything ill thought, but you were the starting point of it.”

“Look at me?”

As you faced him his eyes immediately found yours and in them were swirls of pure affection and sincerity.

“I love you.”

The skin on your cheeks burned hot and your lips curled into an embarrassed smile. The confession sent a magic tingle through your body.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I love you,” he said again, not satisfied with your response.

“I love you too, Sannie.”

“Good. Don’t worry ‘bout what your mom says. I love you and nothing will change that.”

Reassuring words and mellow touches. 

“Nothing?”

Not even your fear of childbirth? 

Or the idea that the two of you never may have children?

“Nothing, my love.”

And if he noticed the turn your smile took – going from happy to sad – he didn’t mention it. Because despite everything you couldn’t stop the gnawing thoughts of dread and what if’s from filling your mind.

“Did you watch the episode?”

“What episode?”

“The one of Seonghwa-hyung, Woo and I with the kids.”

Right, that one.

At first you didn’t purposely push it back on your agenda but the more you remembered his wish of starting a family the more chores you suddenly had to do and oh, that pile of paperwork could certainly not wait until after the weekend and when you actually had the time to watch it your phone would ping with a billion messages, every single one coming from San who insisted he craved to hear your voice and see your ‘absolutely angelic face’ – his words. 

So no. You hadn’t seen it.

“Ah, really?” He laughed at the speed you shook your head. “Well, let’s watch it together.”

“Now?”

“Mmm. Unless you don’t wanna?”

“Oh– Uhm, no! Go ahead, I’ll just change into something comfortable.”

Why he brought his laptop for a two day journey, you had no idea but apparently it worked in his favor because there you were laying on the side closest to the wall with Borah snuggled between you guys while the laptop was perched on San’s stomach, the episode playing in full swing.

Every interaction with the twins or Jaeyul made your guts twist and clench. You had to admit it was cute; so cute that your dinner almost went back up the same way it came from. You felt so bad and the worst of it all was the guilt that followed, the guilt of knowing you weren’t doing anything wrong yet you’d still be treated as if you were. 

And it was such a shitty situation, because how come that the man who’d single-handedly light up each and every star for you, also was the one to summon the clouds obscuring the night sky?

You didn’t notice San’s lingering eyes or the way his fingers itched to hold yours or the three word long question resting on his tongue. Not that he was being obvious about it. Whenever you looked at him he’d flash you that derpy smile of his and a reassuring blink that lasted a second too long. 

It may have been unclear to you, but nothing passed your radar of a brother. He did have the maturity of a boy going through early stages of puberty, but you had to give it to him, he was observant. Too observant for his own good.

“What’s going on with you and lover boy?”

Thanks to Jun’s stupidity you both were honored with dish-duties. What you didn’t know was that it was all a part of his masterplan. 

“What?”

“I don’t know I’m the one asking you.”

You glared at him and he wordlessly took the clean tray from you.

“I’m just saying, we dudes, we see when something’s wrong.”

“So something’s wrong with San?”

“Not with San.” He put the tray in place and threw the rag over his shoulder, painfully dragging out the conversation, “With you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me?” 

“Mm-mm, there is. You’re all tense and silent, and anytime someone mentions a baby you do this thing where you disapp– Yeah, just like that!” He snapped his fingers and pointed at your face void of emotion.

“I’m just not feeling it today.”

A gasp left his mouth and he looked around almost alarmed. “Don’t tell me you’re…pregnant?” He whispered the last word as if it was a crime that could sentence you to life in prison.

Out of sheer surprise and terror you smacked the side of his head. 

“Are you out of your mind?!” You hissed back.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“It is a no!” 

“Okay, don’t hit me again!” As you raised your arm he simultaneously threw his hands up to shield himself from your wrath. 

A third party watched the banter from the living room, his feet tucked under his thighs in a pretzel motion and tongue poking at his cheek. The three years you spent together, from the platonic start to the blossoming romance, granted you more knowledge of each other than anyone else. 

San noticed your change in behavior at the dinner table last night, after the talk with your mother and as you cozied up to him in bed. At first he brushed it off as jitters for not being home for so long and the overwhelming emotions of finally meeting everyone again, but the more he thought of it the more he realized it wasn’t like you. And he promised himself to ask you about it, he just needed to find the perfect moment when you weren’t being swammered by everyone else which proved to be nearly impossible. If you weren’t hounded by your mother or bothered by your siblings, then you were stuck with the little ones and their sticky fingers.

“San-ah.”

Hana brought him out of his thoughts.

“Do you ever see yourself having kids?”

The question threw him off guard because wasn’t it obvious? What more could he want than to start a family with the love of his life?

“Of course, but it’s not something we’ve gotten around yet. We’re not rushing anywhere either!” 

Hana nodded and took a long sip of her chamomile tea. There was something so uneasy with her watchful eyes and the slight purse of her lips that had San thinking a little too much to his liking.   

Was he missing something? 

And he really shouldn’t have asked, prod at her interest and start something he wasn’t sure he was ready for but being the curious cat he was, San couldn't help himself.

“If you don’t mind, why are you asking?”

“Mmm…you see, she’s not the brightest when it comes to children.”

That sentence sounded like an unstrung guitar being played with a dull rock underwater. If San remembered correctly, you shone the brightest around your nieces and nephews. There was never a dull moment with them, always bringing you to tears from laughing too much. He saw you with them; you were gentle, thoughtful and careful, and he was certain it had nothing to do with you sharing the same blood. 

San must have looked confused because Hana spluttered out an explanation, her hands waving around at the speed of light. 

“I’m just saying that because I know how you’re with kids. Anyone can see you love them and I know it wouldn’t be fair to you.” 

“What wouldn’t be fair?”

“Not having kids,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

San wanted to ask more questions yet he decided to hold his tongue. He wouldn’t be able to see the complete puzzle anyways and he knew the missing piece could only be received from one person – you.

“It’s a mutual concern of ours and we are just looking out for you.” She gave him a few pats of comfort, for what he had yet to find out, “God knows my husband would be devastated if I didn’t want kids.”

San listened silently, the frown on his face deepening with each word.

Did your sister not want kids? 

He followed her line of vision leading straight to you and then it hit him.

You didn’t want kids. 

The images of San holding a toddler that was the spitting image of him; a head too big for its body, chubby cheeks and faint brows, haunted you every night. Some dreams were more vivid than others, but they were never the same. The most recent one was of the three of you taking a walk in the park. The little girl sat on San’s shoulders wearing a purple hat with cat ears while you trailed behind them, a matching bag around your shoulder and a camera in your hands. As San turned around you caught a glimpse of their bright smiles and identical dimples. The girl saw you and stretched her arms out, a giddy ‘mom!’ tumbling out of her mouth.

That’s when you woke up in a puddle of sweat. You could barely catch your own breath as you jumped out of bed, nearly toppling to the floor in the process. 

A cloud of guilt and shame loomed over you for various reasons. Mainly for dreaming of a future you could not see for yourself. It got to the point where you stayed up all night just to avoid the dreams. You picked up more shifts at the office, working late nights and early mornings, and it was a success until you cleared your whole schedule. Then came the idea of starting a new hobby; crocheting but your patience ran out rather quickly, who knew learning a double crochet would be so difficult? 

Your guilty conscience affected your relationship with San too. Dates were painfully awkward as if you were a high school couple going on your first outing together, stealing shy glances and looking away as soon as your eyes met. 

Then it was the skinship, whenever you accidentally touched fingers or feet collided underneath the dinner table, you’d withdraw so quickly as if burned by the scorch of a hundred suns. It was almost foreign to cuddle up on the couch too, San’s hands on your lower back and your cheek against his chest. At first you didn’t think he noticed the change in your behavior, but as you laid on top of him you could feel his heart rapidly beat in your ear and hands ghost over your skin, a trail of goosebumps following his faint touch.

Neither dared to speak up about the thick tension, assuming it would all go away in due time but the closer you got to the date of Ateez leaving for their tour in Latin America, the less likely it was to subdue. 

Little did you know San wasn’t feeling any better himself. Hana’s words played in his head on a loop, creating new presumptions of what she meant. She wasn’t that straightforward with her message and San could’ve either pieced together the wrong information or been completely spot on. He’d never know if he never asked, which proved to be harder than expected.

The few times your schedules aligned you were interrupted by San’s phone – Seonghwa and Mingi checking if he was dining at yours or with them – and if it weren’t that then it was something else. The days he made sure nothing could interrupt he’d chicken out last minute and smoothly avert the attention to anything remotely more interesting.

“Did you see Mingi’s new hair color?”

“I made Jongho promise to teach you how to break an apple in half!”

“Yeosang wants to buy a puppy!”

The confidence San possessed on stage in front of thousands was plummeting to the ground. Hard and fast. It honestly baffled him how much control one person could hold over him. Not that he complained, who was supposed to make his knees weak and brain all mushy besides you?

Knees weak and mushy brain was exactly how he felt as you opened the door, revealing yourself. You wore a black and white striped sweater with a black skirt stopping midthigh. The top was slightly big so you tucked it in your skirt. A small dark bag hung over your shoulder matching your leather boots. Simple yet elegant jewelry adorned your fingers and ears. You topped it off with black see-through stockings and black coat. 

“Is this too much for a night out?”

You were stunning. 

“It’s perfect, babe.” 

He handed you a beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses mixed with fillers, the brown paper gave them an old school look. You suppressed a squeal of joy and took the flowers from him, planning to put them in a vase, but not before planting a quick and shy kiss to the apple of his cheek. Your lipstick smeared on his skin almost camouflaging with the redness crawling up his neck, attacking his ears and cheeks, luckily for him you bolted to the kitchen, embarrassed at your own gesture.

You truly were like a pair of high schoolers, but for once you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.  Perhaps it was your consciousness pushing the thoughts away for the night as it was your last date before San left overseas. 

“Ready to go?”

San was breathtaking.

It was no surprise that your boyfriend was a work of art, but there was something different about him tonight. Dark slacks accented his hard thighs a black turtleneck covered his bulging arms and slim waist with a gray coat hung snuggly over his frame reaching his calves. You always said his natural hair color suited him the best and it was true, especially when it was slicked back with a few strands falling over his exposed forehead.

You gulped harshly, “Yup.” 

You placed your hand in his and smiled as his fingers thread through yours like the roots of a tree becoming one with the earth. Giddy smiles hid behind your masks but the sparkle in your eyes was brighter than the night sky and its million stars.

San stuffed your woven hands in the pocket of his large coat for the short walk to his manager’s car and then his hand found its long lost place on your thigh during the drive to your favorite restaurant. 

You were addicted to his reassuring words and mellow touches.

San held his breath and was fully prepared to feel your body still at the skinship or for you to slowly pull away, but when you did the complete opposite – tightening your hold on his hand – he exhaled in relief. 

The restaurant was made for celebrities to have somewhere to go and enjoy their time without noisy people and overbearing fans. They even had a no phone policy to maximize the safety and privacy of everyone inside, that way the possibility of scandals coming out were zero to none. It wasn’t everyday you went on expensive dates for obvious reasons, mainly because of San’s schedule but also because you felt bad for him paying every time. It was no secret San earned more money than you, being a literal idol, but you still made it work somehow.  

For the first time in a while you felt good beside him. The unsettling dreams and thoughts of the future were as if non-existent and you didn’t want it any other way, at least for the night. Halfway through your second glass of wine San started blabbering about the tour. You wouldn’t say he was drunk, but rather relaxed. 

“So where are you going first?”

He thought for a minute, “Mexico, Brazil, Chile and then Colombia.”

“Isn’t it your first time performing there? That must be exciting!”

“Mhm, I can’t wait to see our Latin American Atinys. I know some of them have been with us since predebut. Honestly I’d travel around the world just to meet them all.”

“That’d be the dream wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “It’d be even better if you were there with me.”

His small pout and glistening eyes made you laugh, “Because that’d be such a good idea. I can bet all my life savings it would end up in a disaster one way or another.”

“What? Why?”

You placed your utensils down, “San, honey. I don’t think you realize how popular you are, like all of twitter wants to fuck you.” 

San stopped mid chewing, his eyes wide and brows raised to the roof. The loading wheel appeared above him and he smiled embarrassingly as your words finally registered, his teeth white but the tips of his ears burned red. 

“Yah, don’t say that.” He suddenly looked away as if he wasn’t showered with compliments on a daily basis.

“Well it’s Atinys’ words, not mine.” 

“You jealous?”

The cheekiness didn’t go unnoticed by you so in an equally teasing tone, you replied, “I can’t be jealous of something I actually get to do.”

And if there was anything better than a tipsy San then it was a flustered one.

“You shy, baby?”

He shook his head with a little ‘no’ that barely reached your ears.

The rest of the date was perfect – much to your surprise – and not once did the guilt ridden thoughts infiltrate your mind, not even when you passed a happy couple pushing a stroller on your way home or when you saw, what must have been, the biggest smile of the night on San’s handsome face. For a split second you thought everything would work out in the end. You’d overcome this obstacle just like you did with the move to Seoul or with the test you nailed after months of pulling all-nighters. But only for a split second because as the clock struck midnight your night took an unexpected turn with it.

“You need a place to stay for the night?” It came out more suggestive than you intended, however you didn’t mind.

“I don’t know, did you plan to sleep tonight?”

Your pointer finger rested against your chin as you pretended to think.

“If that’s the case then you won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”

A pair of very familiar hands grabbed your hips sending an electric feeling through your body despite the skirt separating your skin from touching. Your bodies fit like two pieces of a missing puzzle. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” you replied and threw your head back against the crook of his neck. 

“Good.”

You were a feather in San’s hand and he treated you with care. Never too rough or foul, always considerate and kind but not opposed to it if you asked. He spun you around and stared at you with a million stars in his eyes, completely and utterly lost in the beautiful galaxy that is you. 

San cupped your cheek and traced your bottom lip with his thumb. His touch stopped at the corner of your mouth, his eyes widened as you lightly bit down on his finger. Your warm tongue against his cold skin. Your parted lips pulled into a smirk and it spurred San to push his thumb deeper in your mouth, now laying completely flat against the wet muscle. The innocent yet sultry bat of your eyes drove him crazy.

Reassuring words and mellow touches. 

He wanted you. He wanted to lick and nip at your skin, paint it full of violet and crimson clover. Make your writhe and turn in his hold until breathless pleas filled your apartment. He craved you beneath him, bare and vulnerable while he worshiped your body with praises and sinful words. He wanted to make love to you.

Yet he couldn’t. 

Not when you were both haunted by your thoughts.

He slipped his thumb from your mouth taking the sexual atmosphere with it.

“Love?” 

His eyes snapped to yours and he knew then and there that the art of love wouldn’t solve any of your worries, because at the end of the night he’d still travel halfway across the world with the nagging thoughts packed between his briefs and socks.

“Is everything alright?” You gently latched onto his wrist, thumb stroking the back of his hand.

“I love you,” San suddenly confessed.

A crease formed between your brows, lips glued together and eyes almost glossy. You were taken back at the sweet words but even more so at the way he was looking at you – almost sad. 

“Where is this coming from?”

“I love you,” he repeated. 

The scene wasn’t a sense of deja-vu, that much you knew, but rather a memory from a few weeks ago. A memory that was much sweeter and domestic than now. The response San expected to hear didn’t come as quickly as he hoped and through his tipsy vision he recognized a moment of hesitation. 

“Honey?”

“I love you too, San.” 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He suddenly asked.

The loving touches and flirty banter went down the drain and you were left with a silence so loud and overwhelming you couldn’t think properly. 

“What?”

“I said, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean something’s got you distracted.”

“There’s nothing going on,” you insisted stubbornly.

“Absolutely nothing?”

“San…everything's fine.”

“Except it isn't! I know you enough to see the changes. You barely sleep and this is the first time in days where I’ve seen you with a real smile.”

It broke his heart to see you slink from his embrace. Arms crossing over your chest and head turning sideway.

“Honey, please talk to me.” He sounded desperate. 

“And I am. There’s nothing wrong.” 

He raked his hand through his hair. The deep sigh whirling around your apartment. 

“Don’t lie. Not to me.”

You stayed silent yet again. 

“I’m here for you, always will be.”

“I can’t,” you whispered into the august breeze.

“What?”

“I can’t tell you,” you repeated a little louder.

“Why?”

“Because you’ll hate me!” It stung San into silence. “You’ll hate me and never want to speak to me again.”

He hungered for your touch, hands itching to reach for yours and as he took a step forward you took one back.

“You can’t keep it bottled up forever, love.” 

“I can try.”

Tears formed in your eyes and your voice cracked. You tried blinking them away but they raced down your cheeks against your will.

“C’mere.”

That was all it took for you to fling yourself at him. Your hands gripped the back of his shirt, nails digging into the expensive material. One hand cradled the back of your head and the other supported your back, rubbing gentle circles against your knitted sweater. San leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your crown, lingering and breathing in the sweet scent of you.

“I can’t breathe without you by my side so if you think I’ll ever hate you, you’re wrong. My love, you could break my heart a thousand times over and I’d still find reason to love you.”

Hot tears soaked into his shirt and you wanted to disagree but the tremble of your lips told you to be quiet so you shook your head violently instead.

You stood there for a long time, in each other’s arms with soft kisses and soothing touches. The emotions swirling around the apartment were too big for your shoulders and the rational part of you knew that you wouldn’t be able to carry them with you much longer.

“I don’t want children.”

It was interesting how a four worded sentence could either be the demise or rise of a relationship. What path your and San’s would take was yet to be determined, but God did you hope it was the latter. 

The argument broke out three days ago and while you've gone months without seeing each other, these 72 hours were by far the most excruciating period of your relationship. You didn’t ever think there’d be a person you’d miss this much. To see and hold, kiss and laugh with.

The first day was spent bathing in your own tears and snot. You were forced out of work by your co-workers as they didn’t buy your lie of ‘everything being alright’. It wasn’t like you could tell them your idol boyfriend of three years ran head first out of your apartment after an argument, absolutely not because you literally told him to give you space. So from nine am to nine pm you were cooped up in your bed, crying, scrolling through your socials, crying some more until you eventually fell asleep. 

The second day wasn’t anything better, except for the three tubs of ice cream you inhaled. They were kept in the back of your freezer for emergencies such as these. With a quick pat on the back for eating something you pushed the containers aside and continued your self wallowing, dressed in one of your (San’s) hoodies that smelled of caramelized sugar. Your phone blew up with calls from your family. Everyone concerned about you suddenly going MIA, but not enough to pay you a visit which you were both thankful and bitter about.

The third following morning came around and you decided that it was time to get your shit together. You still had a job to return to and bills to pay. It was all going well too, you cleaned the apartment and got rid of all the empty ice cream tubs, made a home cooked meal for the first time in three days, you even changed your bedsheets and did the laundry. The last thing on your list was a well deserved full-body shower.

The frantic ring of your doorbell fell on deaf ears as water pattered on your bare body and the tiled floor. Your fingers worked through your hair, rubbing almost painfully at your scalp as shampoo water went down the drain. 

It was first after you cut the stream and stepped out of the shower that you realized someone was at the door. With a roll of your eyes, you leisurely squeezed the excess water out of your hair and wrapped a towel around yourself. The chime of the bell didn’t stop and you were on the brink of insanity.

There were only two people with keys to your place; San and your mom. 

Your parents had no reason for coming all the way to Seoul in the middle of the day and San…even though your relationship wasn’t in the best shape you knew he’d never turn up unannounced, whether he told you by call or text didn’t matter as long as he reached out. He said it was a way of respecting your privacy and as much as you didn’t care for that, it was heartwarming. 

6:30 PM glared the digital clock on the console table in the hallway. 

All you wanted was one normal day. A morning without spilling coffee on your clean clothes, an afternoon without stubbing your toe on the desk in your office and a night without someone trying to sell you cookies or whatnot. It’d also be so much easier to crawl beneath your sheets and cry yourself to sleep without a maniac creating the newest billboard hit outside your apartment, but hey each to their own.

As much as you wanted to swing the door open and bark out profanities at the nuisance, you knew better and opted with looking through the peeping hole. Never did you expect a soaked San to stand there, rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet while desperately abusing the doorbell.

San didn’t have time to react, neither at the door being opened nor for you appearing with only a towel. You took hold of his hand and dragged him inside to which he shut the door behind him and somehow managed to take off his shoes. You threw him a spare towel and disappeared in your room. San stood there like a kicked dog, ears flat against his head and tail certainly not wagging. A few seconds later you returned dressed in one of San’s many t-shirts and your pajama shorts, carrying a change of clothes.  

You wordlessly gave them to him and escaped to your room again. San took that as his queue to get dressed. 

The run to your apartment gave him barely any time to collect his thoughts, too busy with providing his burning lungs with air and keeping an eye out for cars and potential followers. So now that he stood, not in front of your door, but in your living room he was completely shitting his pants. 

The cold and distant facade you managed to pull off in front of him crumbled the second you crossed the threshold of your room. You really strained all seventeen of your muscles not to cry and you could argue it was your best accomplishment yet as not a single tear kissed your cheeks.

“Hey.”

You looked up from your spot on the bed. Staring at your partner who stopped by the door. Your throat was dry and itchy, brain indiciseive of what to say and do. He wasn’t supposed to be here, that much you knew. Their agency had this weird rule of not allowing their idols out a day prior to their tour and it didn’t sit right with you knowing he went against their words, for you nonetheless. 

“San, what are you doing here?”

Unsteady sleeping schedules, caffeine filled drinks and insomnia were the standard for idols. Anyone claiming otherwise was either lying straight through their teeth or had a great planning method something San could really use these days. 

San was no stranger to succumbing to sleep at the early hours of the morning or not sleeping at all. The extra time was usually put into practice or perfecting his secret project, and sometimes something simple as laying in bed staring up at the ceiling.

But now it was hard to do any of that with you taking over his every thought. He found himself wondering about things that weren’t supposed to infiltrate his mind for the next five years. 

Get married. Move in. Adopt a cat. Have kids.

A short list of things that were crossing the line between adolescence and adulthood. 

The image of you and San doing that together spread a radiant smile across his face and his roommates, clueless as ever, couldn’t stop their own mouths from curving upwards. There was truly no other person he could think of doing any of that with and his heart was heavy as he realized he may never complete the list.

It took three calls from Seonghwa for San to acknowledge the older man sitting on the edge of his bed beside the open and empty suitcase. 

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Seonghwa leaned back on his arms keeping him from completely falling on the bed and stared at San’s computer screen, nonchalantly watching as he played one of his many games. The elder had come straight out of his own room from finishing a youtube live – a youtube live San crashed for a good fifteen minutes before abruptly leaving – and although Atiny probably didn’t notice the change of behavior in the younger Ateez member, Seonghwa did. 

San sighed as the last character of his team died and the word ‘defeat’ flashed in large capital letters took over the majority of the screen. 

“San-ah.”

Said man placed his expensive headset on the desk and twirled in his chair, and Seonghwa had a feeling the glum look on his features wasn’t from losing the game. 

“I’m not saying you aren’t. I’m just checking if there’s something bothering you. Something I can help you with?” 

The prolonged silence did nothing to soothe Seonghwa’s worries. He closely watched the hesitation slowly crack through San’s facade – bottom lip caught between his teeth, picking at his nails and eyes glazed over, darting literally everywhere except at Seonghwa.

Cautiously, he asked if it had something to do with you and his suspicion was confirmed when their eyes met. 

“It’s…complicated.”

“How so?”

“Because I thought of a thing and it turns out I was right.”

Seonghwa tried asking as few questions as possible to not overwhelm San, but the conversation wasn’t giving him much to work with.

“And what were you thinking about?”

San ran his hands through his black hair and looked as if he was racking his brains, he then violently rubbed at his eyes too. It was one thing to think about the whole situation and another to say it out loud, possibly speaking it into existence. 

“You don’t have to te–”

“Starting a family.” 

The trip to your hometown really did a number on him, Seonghwa thought. 

Cheeks red and palms sweaty, San cleared his throat. A little embarrassed at the confession and for cutting Seonghwa off so abruptly.

“I was thinking of what it’d be like to start a family with her.”

“Starting a what with who?”

Mingi stood in the doorway with parted lips and eyebrows raised to the roof, wet tufts of blonde and black hair peeked from underneath the towel on his head.

“It was just a thought.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with it,” Seonghwa assured.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter.” 

“How come?” Mingi pressed, now leaning against the door.

“Because she doesn’t want a family…or well, at least not kids.”

Seonghwa and Mingi exchanged glances. All of Ateez knew of San’s adoration for kids. Heck, Seonghwa had front row seats to it and all. He remembered thinking how skilled San was with the twins and even with the energized boy. 

But none of it mattered now. If what San said was true – which he had no doubts about – then your choice went above everyone else’s, including San’s. 

“And how do you feel about that?”

San looked at the eldest. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, sure I love kids I do, but I love her more.”

“Then I don’t see what the issue is,” Mingi chimed in. 

“It’s still a bitter situation Mingi, and Sannie has the right to feel…upset. Have you talked to her?” 

San groaned and buried his face in the palms of his hands, thinking back how it all escalated so quickly. The split second he tried processing everything, you’d already decided it was time for him to leave and pushed him out, crying how you needed to be alone. Too stunned to properly react, San did as told.

“I walked out…”

Dread filled their guts as Mingi and Seonghwa patiently waited for the remainder of the story. They hoped San wouldn’t say what they were thinking.

“She confided in me at first and then pushed me away, screaming at me to go and I…listened. ”

“Well that changes the trajectory of things don’t you think?” Mingi said after the minute long silence and Seonghwa shot him a pointed look.

“San, we are not leaving for the tour until you talk to her,” Seonghwa declared. 

The elder had no lover of his own, but he had seen enough movies to know how these situations ended. Spoiler alert: a painful break up for both parties.

San shrugged, “I’m sure Hongjoong would like that.”

“And you don’t think your girlfriend would? Listen here. We’re supposed to leave for the airport at seven am, I’ll give you the night if you make amends.”

Seonghwa stopped before San, a wide smile on his gorgeous face. “Besides, a family doesn’t become a family when a child is brought into it. If you think about it, the three of us and the rest of the guys are like a family, right?”

“We are a family,” Mingi corrected.

“Exactly. So who’s to say you two aren’t one too?” 

“I’m here to do what I should’ve done days ago.”

It was hard to look him in the eye. The sincerity in them had your heart in knots, tugging and tightening with your every breath. 

“Can I come in?”

San had his arms by his side and hands balled into fists to keep them from trembling. There was no doubt in his mind that you’d be in his arms by the end of the night, but it didn’t stop his pulse from skyrocketing.

“You’re already here.” 

A faint, appreciative smile crossed his features as he gingerly took the seat beside you. There was no real malice to your words and he was thankful because honestly speaking he wouldn’t know what to make of it if you still needed ‘time’. San straightened and breathed out a sigh as if letting go of all his nerves.

“I want to start by saying; I’m sorry.”

You snapped your head towards him, confused as to why he was the one apologizing. You were the issue at hand here. You were the one depriving him of something he wished for, you pushed him away. Not the other way around. 

“I’m really sorry for pressuring you–”

“San, no–” You shook your head, tears already threatening to make their dramatic entrance.

“Just listen to me, please.” 

And his desperate plea was their queue to waltz in much to your dismay. 

San lifted your chin so he could see your face and frowned at the tears. “I'm sorry if I ever made you feel obliged to push your feelings aside for me. That has never been my intention and it never will be.”

He cupped your face gently in both hands and wiped away your remaining tears with his thumbs. It pained him to know the tears were inflicted by his doing.

“I love you.”

“San,” you whimpered, barely able to get the word out. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe for me. I’m not leaving.”

That was your breaking point. You heaved for air as more tears blurred your vision. A heavy weight lifted off your shoulders as you found solace in his words and San felt his own heart break at your wails. Feeling embarrassed you abruptly stood up and put a hand over your mouth to stop the broken cries. Staying true to his words, San hugged you from behind and pressed you into his embrace. Chin resting against your shoulder as his arms went around your waist. You stood like that until your tears ran dry and cries turned into hiccups.

San whispered words of encouragement in your ear, lips grazing the skin with each pronunciation. Your feet moved with his as he maneuvered you to bed and under the covers. A meteor could hit the earth and he wouldn't leave your side. You laid there in silence with your back to his chest. His arm under your neck and the other curled around your waist, keeping you flushed against his front. Your occasional sniffles filled the gaps letting San know you were awake.

“My love,” he started and you shifted as a reply of acknowledgement, “remember that night at your parents’ house? When your mother said something to upset you and you stormed up to your room?”

You nodded while playing with his fingers spread across your abdomen.

“Do you remember what I told you?” 

“That you loved me and nothing would change that.”

He kissed the back of your head. “I still stand by that. I love you. Not what you can or can’t give me. I love you when you cry and I love you when you laugh. I love you through your anger and grief. I love your kindness and selflessness.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, please. You should only apologize when you’ve done something wrong.”

“But I led you on. San, we want different things. You want a child–” your voice cracked and you drew in a sharp breath, “–and that’s not something I’m sure I can give you, ever.” 

“That’s not true.” He sat up and leaned over your body, “I wanna cuddle you to sleep and wake you with breakfast in bed. I want us to buy furniture and assemble it together only to give up halfway through. I want us to bake a ridiculous cake that ends up in a flour fight. I want all of that with you!”

San planted a soft kiss against the back of your hand.

“Children or not, it won’t change the fact that I love you and I’ll continue to say it until all the trees are cut down, until the ocean dries out and all the stars go out. I love you. Always have and always will.”

His caring words drew a smile from you and the harsh knot around your heart slowly came undone. His affectionate eyes searched yours and he’d wait an eternity for your answer, but you didn’t need more time to know what you wanted. Your hands caressed the sides of his neck and with a quick pull of his neck, your lips clashed in a passionate kiss.

Reassuring words and mellow touches. 

© HONGJOONGSPOETRY 2023 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.

Love Thy Husband

Kingpin's Son!San x Innocent yet spicy! Chubby! Wife

You arrived adorned in luxurious fabric bought with their bloody wealth. You are not just a gift, but a treasure...a plaything acquired for the pleasure of the rightful heir to the Choi dynasty.

Choi San.

II: Bring Me Home ♡ *New*

⚠️ Language, forced marriage, San is a good boy with bad habits, Yn conceals her face with a veil....and San is feral for your modest dressing style. No peep show for San 🙃⚠️

The purpose of a wedding photograph is to immortalize the beauty of that specific moment. Yet, when you stumble upon your own image, it triggers memories of your past yet your in laws so proudly display pictures all over their home. She was abducted by the man she now calls father to settle a overdue debt owed by her birth father.

You shed a tear, remembering your grim past.

As their son finally arrived at the mansion, he discovered his hidden surprise - a gift waiting for him. Despite the mysterious ivory veil that concealed her face, he agreed to accept her without hesitation. Little did he know, the veil was a humble plea from your father, who wished to shield his princess from the dark and dangerous world of the mafia.

The day unfolded before your eyes, obscured by the delicate ivory lace that draped over your face. Gripping the bouquet of baby's breath tightly, your heart pounded as the groom tenderly lifted the veil, allowing it to hover just above your trembling lips.

San's name escaped his lips in a hushed tone, barely audible against the backdrop of your rouge painted lips. Instead of forcefully pulling you towards him, he leaned in, delicately pressing his lips against yours. In the midst of this tender moment, he unintentionally crushed the bouquet.

The kiss, though seemingly pleasant, bore a resemblance to the innocence of toddlers exchanging affectionate pecks. He delicately pressed his lips against your flushed ones, refraining from any further advances. Despite his family now viewing you as his possession, San even restrained himself from touching you.

From that moment on, the vibrant world outside became a distant memory, The majority of your existence now revolves around the presence of your husband, consuming your every waking moment.. Who frankly you couldn't wrap your head around! One moment he’s stern and hostile the next, he’s a sweetheart gentlemen.

Speaking up the devil, There he is, Your phone icon alarmed you of husband’s incoming call. You rolled your eyes before answering. “Hello, San-"

"Omo..you sound like your about to die or worse." San complained under his breath. " You realize I'm your husband and not the grim reaper, yeah?" You could hear his blood simmering.

"Oh, you really had me fooled," you sarcastically remarked. Suddenly, you gasped, gripping your phone tightly, only to berate yourself for your own foolishness right away.

San’s brow involuntarily twitched, disturbed by the sass that escaped your cheeky lips. "What was that?... My dearest," he uttered with a tone that never ceases to send chills down your spine.

You carefully approached him, using his nickname in a soothing tone, "San..nie?" hoping to ease his anger. "My dear husband,” You’re cheeks reddening in embarrassment for actually fearing your husband’s wrath…some would say it should the other way around.

The phone went quiet briefly, only for your man to let out a chuckle that stirs up your fury, playing with you effortlessly. "Impressive, Sannie?.." He arches his eyebrows, making you squeal as he exhales his rugged accent over the line. "Sweetheart, I had no idea you could be this adorable." He taunts you in your mother language.

You are completely oblivious to the depths of your husband's affection for you. His love for you knows no bounds and shines brightly in every aspect of your life.

Especially your body....of what you allow him to see.

You feel safer when concealed from the sun, the man's wild gaze fixated on your delicate ankles and soft hands, pretending to be strong against his threats. You resist him so feebly, he longs to tear off your veil, granting you the illusion of courage to sass him, walk away mid-conversation, and disregard his presence as if he's not a menacing figure linked to the Atz, with his father just a phone call away from silencing your weak father permanently.

"I adore you, Mrs. Choi!!!" Wooyoung's voice echoed through the air, a mix of excitement and mischief. He sprinted towards San, seeking refuge behind him. "That asshole busted my lip," he growled, feeling the sting of his bloody lower lip. But despite the pain, he couldn't help but flash a mischievous smile at his friend, casually draping his arm over his shoulder. "So, how's the lovely wife doing?"

San sound shocked. “ How did you know I was-“

Wooyoung simply grins and nods. "You're adorable when you talk to her," he says with a mischievous smile, teasing his embarrassed friend.

The next thing you know you hear Wooyoung wince in pain, you assumed San hit him like usual followed by "Arghhh!!" Wooyoung biting him as a response.

"Don't fucking bite me, ya little bastard!" San's accent made you flinch, your Korean is far from perfect, and most of the time his words go unnoticed or you simply stare at his lips out of sheer cluelessness. But hey, it's not your fault. You were forcefully taken away from your family and thrown into this marriage with just weeks later.

"Ya! Who are you cursing at, cunt!?!” Wooyoung yelled in response, only to be met with a menacing voice hurling threats at them..

San's eyes gleamed with mischief as he glanced at the towering goon. "Hey, Woo, is this your buddy?" he asked, a sly grin playing on his lips. "Sorry, Honey, gotta go," he said, his voice dripping with allure as he abruptly ended the call. The unmistakable sound of San ruthlessly overpowering the goon echoed in the background.

Overwhelmed by the harsh truth, you found yourself standing in complete silence, consumed by the weight of this new reality.

Love Thy Husband

Kingpin's Son!Choi San x Chubby arranged wife! Reader

I:Love Thy Husband- II: Bring Me Home

3 month later …In the heart of Namhae-eup..

Average as any other day, from the time you open your eyes and step out your room, your husband is missing, drowning you in eerily silent yet you feel relieved not having to be under his watchful eye. Bathtime it is then…Where does he go this early ? It’s 7:00am.

You fell into deep thought as the steam filled the bathroom and the running water acted as soft background ambience. Did he eat before he left?… Why do I care if he’s eaten it’s not like he gives a hot damn about me….the only time I get to leave is for “outings”. I’m arm candy, luckily, my veil isn’t great when it comes to eye contact and keeping conversation.

Your “wedding” came to mind~

The abrupt chime of the wedding bells sealed your doom. It was time to go. The heartbreaking realization felt like a jab in your chest, weakening you to your knees. In that moment, the hot tears streaming down your cheeks were impossible to hold back.

Your sorrowful whimpering brought your mother to your side, whispering words of encouragement and warmth. Yet, her comforting words only deepened your sadness within.

Your husband's mother even came over peacefully, expressing remorse and apologizing for her husband's actions. She knew she wasn't your ally right now, but she assured you, "San is a good boy. He wouldn't lay a hand on a woman if he knows what's good for him."

The sudden, warm grip beneath your arm startled you into stillness. "Are you alright?" His deep voice sent shivers racing up your spine. "We need to go." His voice started to irritate you, you know its not his fault he’s just following his monster of a father’s orders but you can’t help blaming him in some way out of bitterness since he appears to be content in his father’s choice.

“ Yn? I can carry you-“ San’s sweet offer was met with violence as you swing your gloved hand almost whacking him if not to his quick reflexing, his eyes shift from his large hand caging your tiny one back to your “face.”

San's brow furrows, his expression a mix of concern and self-reproach. This wasn’t his fault—he’s in the same boat as you, and yet he’s been nothing but a perfect gentleman since the moment you met just hours ago. And now, you dare to raise your hand towards him, or at least try to.

A flicker of amusement dances in his eyes—cute. With a delicate pinch, he catches the edge of your veil, playfully flicking it over your face. The harsh pink of your teary eyes and the soft curve of your nose tug at his heartstrings, though his expression remains stoic.

You gasp, clutching his arms as he effortlessly pulls you to your feet once more. "We have to go now, I’m sorry to rush you, sweetheart." His words come out in gentle, hesitant beats, each pause a reminder that English isn’t his first language. You wonder, fleetingly, what was.

Before you can respond, San steals a glance at his watch, then swiftly scoops you into his strong arms, cradling you against his chest as if you weighed nothing at all.

You crossed your eyes, annoyed by the warmth in your cheeks where your memory began to fade. He’s strong..I will give him that..

…

The bubbles melt away your worries expect for one. I mean it’s not really a problem if I think he’s cute. He is my “ hubby”….after all and I’m not even sure of what I saw . The small creaking in the floorboards was drowned by your soft music and humming. Meanwhile on the another side of the walls, San grunts as his back hits the top of the stairs,

Exhausted, your husband collapsed on the stairs, struggling to catch his breath. "Damn it, I really need to piss!" he groaned, throwing his head back in frustration, only to smack it against the step above.

"Ack! That hurt!" San hissed, rubbing the back of his head as irritation bubbled to the surface. Every little thing around him seemed to get under his skin, as if the entire world was conspiring to push him over the edge. "Why is everything so damn aggravating?" he muttered, the annoyance palpable in his voice.

In a surge of pure, unbridled fury, San slammed his fists into the wall, leaving a couple of gaping holes behind. The force of his anger also tore a large chunk of the railing from its mount, sending it crashing to the floor.

He stood there for a moment, seething, as his father's words echoed in his mind like a relentless drumbeat—orders and expectations suffocating him like a noose. Nothing will ever be good enough for him.

San's tie was the final straw, its constriction around his neck driving him to the edge. With a frustrated growl, he yanked the fabric down, as if tearing it away could somehow relieve the tension coiled inside him.

"When that girl bears you a son, you'll understand, my boy," his father had said, his voice dripping with a sincerity that only fueled San's anger. The words, meant to console, did nothing but fan the flames of his rage.

The unsettling sensation of being watched prickled at San, prompting him to glance over his shoulder. His eyes locked onto his wife, who was timidly peeking around the corner. The sight of his bare chest, revealed in his frustration, brought a flush to her cheeks as she took in his stunning yet indecent display.

In the blink of an eye, she vanished, the bathroom door slamming shut behind her with a force that echoed through the hall. Poor San stood there, his hand dropping awkwardly after she blatantly ignored his small, hesitant wave.

Rude, perhaps, or maybe she was frightened—of what, he couldn't fathom. His gaze drifted to the wall, and suddenly, his breath hitched. The sight before him was shocking: the rail piece he had been holding now lay on the floor, a victim of his accidental brute strength. "Oh," he muttered, his eyes wide with realization, "Oops."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the bathroom door, you felt trapped. His broad frame was blocking your only exit, and he was standing so close to the stairs that you knew there was no easy escape. Your room was upstairs, and you silently cursed yourself for choosing to use this bathroom instead of the one safely tucked away in your own space.

Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, you finally summoned the courage to swing the door open. But as it creaked on its hinges, there stood San, closer than you anticipated, his presence filling the doorway.

San, his expression softened with concern, the tension between you palpable yet oddly comforting. His presence was overwhelming, but not in a suffocating way. It was as though the air around him carried a warmth that you hadn't noticed before, a gentle calm that contrasted sharply with the turmoil in your chest.

"I'm sorry if I startled you," San's voice was deep and soothing, a hint of apology lingering in his tone. He stepped back slightly, giving you the space you so desperately craved yet somehow didn't want anymore. His gaze never left yours, filled with an unexpected tenderness that made your heart flutter.

You exhaled, your shoulders relaxing slightly as you took in his sincere expression. "It's okay," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just… wasn't expecting anyone."

A kitty.He looks like a cat. It feels like it’s been years since you’ve seen his face, his sharp eyes and glare give off a harsh aura despite his words and soft tone. Was it on purpose? You found it difficult to keep eye contact without getting flushed from his eyes but looking down at his exposed chest was a whole other problem. His whole handsome face is the problem, honestly.

"You're even cuter without your heels," he muttered, a sly grin playing on his lips as he took in how your smaller frame matched up to his. His eyes, though mischievous, stayed fixed on your face, a feigned act of respect, even as he relished how the flimsy white cloth clung to your plush curves, teasing him mercilessly. " I have to use the bathroom." He nods behind you.

You moved, swiftly out the way gripping your towel, allowing him to waltz into the bathroom.

He knows you like the difference between you and his bathtub, but this is the first time he's walked straight into the refreshing cloud you left behind. The sweet scent matched your soft body as you brushed past him, turning to close the door, but you were already long gone upstairs.

You gripped your towel tightly as you slid down the door, your knees weak beneath you. The embarrassment of being caught in such a state burned in your cheeks.He's even more handsome now than he was three months ago. It looks like he's been working out... I can see the definition of his muscles beneath his shirt.

The small scene replays in your mind, of him towering over you, yet you notice how he steps back, careful not to startle you. He's got this undeniable sass about him.. You notice his large hands resting on his hips and realize that his dress shoes have a slight heel, which clicks softly against the wooden floor.

Your heart skipped a beat hearing San's door close. You decided you definitely needed more fresh air, leading you down the road you're on now.

While you were enjoying yourself, you didn’t notice that you had triggered the house security alarm. Luckily, your husband was so sleepy that it went unnoticed for a full hour.

To make matters worse it wasn't your husband who discovered the alarm but his elders deciding on a surprise visit.

"San. San! Yah! Choi SAN!"

Talk about a rude awaking, Hongjoong Hyung sat in a lounging chair in the corner of the room, his left foot was extended before he crossed his legs. A strong jolt shook the bed, awaking up your tired hubby.

San groaned before looking at his elder who was simply unimpressed. "Hyung?.." He stretched his remaining remnants of his drowsiness. " What are you doing here?" He hung his head low as he spoke from tiredness? Or respect?

Seonghwa’s voice crashed like a thunderclap, delivering the news the elders had long dreaded, since they were notified about the house alarm that screamed through the home. "She’s gone." His deep voice words tore through the now thick, pregnant silence between Hongjoong and San. San’s chest tightened; enduring one scolding was enough.

Yet, only a fool would believe that Hongjoong's shadow was far behind.

"She's gone?!" San shot up from his bed, fully dressed despite his rumpled state, his eyes wide with disbelief. 'Are you serious?!' In an instant, he was out the door, leaping over furniture in his desperate rush to the front. The elders' voices called after him-

"He forgot his shoes," Seonghwa muttered, as he and Hongjoong stood outside, watching San disappear from sight, completely clueless about where he was headed.

Hongjoong clicked his teeth before stating." He forgot his common sense too. He's just running in a direction. Ah shi-" He then quickly raised his phone to his ear. " Yunho. We need a inner search party keep it under wraps from Choi senior. Clear?"

A firm 'Yes, Sir' ended the conversation as the line went dead immediately after.

…

To be continued..

The Morning After

Pairing: Choi San x AMAB pov Genre: Slice of life/smut W/C: 1,117 Stuff: Sub-top San, established couple (cute), non-idol au, anal, kitchen sex, tbh this is borderline vanilla, I'm not like other fanfic writers I'm sorry y/n i literally cannot write in second person this is just what I do, but I hope you enjoy anyway.

If you enjoyed this, I made an AO3 account ok???>>> Arikuusou

Nothing posted yet, but I'm working on it I promise! Will be primarily Ateez fics.

San was always most beautiful the morning after a hard fuck. Watching him walk out of the bedroom all loose bones and floppy hair, a layer of lust beneath the sleepiness in his eyes... God, he was a vision, a seraph, the closest thing to a perfect man if there ever was one.

But he didn't like it when I called him perfect, so I tried to avoid it.

"Morning, sunshine." I smiled at him from where I sat at the kitchen island. He didn't respond in words, but stepped over to drape himself over me.

A signature San hug, hot and enveloping, lingering much longer than one would expect. That had taken me time to get used to in the beginning.

He kissed my neck and then moved away to pour himself a coffee. When he sat across from me, he quirked a brow, realizing I had been watching his every move. "What?"

I shrugged, a little coy. "Just thinking about last night."

He smirked and took his first sip of coffee. "Yeah that was..."

Exceptional. One of our best nights so far. Sometimes it was hard to remember we'd only been together 8 months when it felt like this was always our life, always would be.

"I'm thinking we shouldn't leave the apartment today," I said.

"Pretty windy out there," San agreed with a sly look on his face.

I at least let him get through half his drink before I got up and kissed him, the taste of morning mint and coffee bean filling my mouth. His skin was impossibly smooth, his hair thick and shiny as it tickled my cheek, and I wondered how I got so lucky to have caught this man's eye and heart.

I reached down and found him already rock-hard beneath his boxer briefs, which sent blood rushing between my own legs.

I stroked his cock over the fabric a few times and he abruptly started kissing me hard, biting my lips.

"Ah, ah," I backed away, gently pressing my palm to his chest. "Not too eager now. Have you forgotten all the good lessons you learned last night."

His eyes clouded further. "No, I haven't forgotten."

"Of course not. You're such a good boy. Kneel for me."

No hesitation. He slid from the stool and to the floor, looking up at me for his next instruction.

It killed me the way San loved this; made me somehow horny and sad at the same time. His whole life, he'd always had to perform, always had to be the big man, tough and strong, giving orders. He'd taken his father's company over shortly before I met him, and I saw the toll it took.

But here, with me, he could escape all that. He could just rest, follow my instructions, and not think, not decide.

"Now get my cock out and put your mouth on it."

He was so eager, but trying to hide it.

I sighed as his wet lips enveloped me. He starts gentle but quickly ramps up, sucking my head and all the spots he knows will make me needy fast.

"Fuck," I breathe, amazed as always at him. "Good boy. I'm going to need you to fuck me this morning, Sannie."

"Of course," he exhaled.

I reached over the counter and snatched up a bottle of coconut oil. "Give me your hand."

He offered his palm and I poured the oil on it, not worried about the mess we were starting to make. I leaned back against the island as he took my cock in his mouth again, reaching around to spread my cheeks.

I was still sensitive and turned-on from the night before and moaned loudly when he slipped the first finger in. He smirked up at me and me down at him.

"Get that smile off your face," I breathed as he began easily opening me up. His fingers were so different from his cock, quick and bony and rutted. I almost chided him to slow down but it felt too good and I was way too horny. Some dom I was.

But he would keep going until I told him to stop, so finally I took his wrist and pulled his fingers out of me. He kissed the front of my stomach and hips, and I took his chin in my hand.

"How's your cock feeling, baby boy?"

"So horny," he whispered.

"You want me to put it inside me?"

"Please."

"Beg."

"Please, please, put my cock inside you."

"Are you going to stay still like a good little boy?"

"Yes, I promise."

The way his voice became so soft and desperate, his pure willingness to do everything I asked. My cock was dripping and my insides were screaming for him. I couldn't play around any longer and I pushed him against the counter, looking down at his desperate member. I slathered him with more oil, watching his stomach tighten as I coated him, stroking gratuitously.

His breath caught when I finally turned around and sheathed his cock in my ass. I was rushing, a little, but the burn faded as soon as I tugged his hand around to touch me.

"Fuck," he breathed, his hips jerking an uncontrolled movement.

There was no suppressing the little cry I made, the hitch of breath at him pushing deeper.

I rocked back until I could feel his balls pressing against mine, and then fucked him with all the needy desperation we were both feeling this morning. Mostly, he stayed still like a good boy while I used his cock, moaning loud enough that anyone in the hallway of the building could hear. The noises San made, all suppressed and high and full of release, had my belly swirling.

Already my orgasm was coiling, and I lamented for a moment until I remembered we had the whole day ahead of us. I focused on feeling every inch of his smooth cock inside me again and again. My perfect, smooth San, so hard yet so gentle. I cried out and came all over the clean white kitchen floor. As I clenched and throbbed around him, San could no longer hold still. I felt his nails dig into my skin as he gripped my hips, going stiff and silent in ecstasy as he spilled what little was left from last night deep inside me.

Exhausted, I leaned back against him and he held me. His cock popped out of me with a delicious, wet sound.

"Fuck," I breathed.

"Yeah," San said. "I love you."

"Yeah? Even though I made your coffee go cold?"

He nuzzled into my neck, kissing every bit of skin he could get too. "Definitely." He sighed deeply, a sated sigh, a blissful sigh. "That was a great morning fuck. Perfect."

sticky by kiss of life

you and san have been enjoying your summer fling but for his birthday the only gift he wants is for you two to last, sticking together past this casual phase

⇀ pairing san x reader

⇀ genre fluff

⇀ style one-shot

⇀ word count 1.75k

⇀ warnings kissing, allusions to hooking up, skinship, shirtless san

note happy san day, i thought i would continue the little birthday song fic theme i started with mingi last year and i also wish so badly i could be at the beach rn so here's this

the sun is still high in the sky when you open your eyes, using your hands in front of your face to shield the glare off the ocean waves as the umbrella above your head casts a shadow over your form. as you yawn and stretch, the warmth of the sand underneath the towel you're laying on trying to urge you back into your slumber, you take a brief look at your surroundings, trying to resituate yourself on the expanse of shoreline and managing to spot the recognizable silhouette of san, the man you'd come here with. you weren't sure what exactly he was doing, your eyes still adjusting to the midday light, but you didn't particularly mind, just enjoying the opportunity to admire his shirtless form from afar.

san seems to feel your gaze on him, turning away from his current focus to wave excitedly at you. you can see the silhouette of a sand structure, a bit lopsided and already crumbling, when san moves aside. a few shells shine against the sun on top of the smaller piles of sand and, once your eyes adjust, you can see a stick with some seaweed wrapped around the end sticking straight out of the largest formation. san seems extremely proud of what you imagine he'd refer to as a "sandcastle", gesturing confidently toward it.

you're not sure how to react, san awkwardly too far for you to verbally respond, but he doesn't seem to care as he immediately starts to make his way toward you, eagerly stomping through the soft sand.

"how was your nap?" he asks with a smile, collapsing unceremoniously onto the towel next to you. he leans over to give you a casual peck on your cheek and you try to ignore the flutter in the pit of your stomach. luckily the heat of the day already has your skin warm to the touch and so your blush goes unnoticed by san.

"restful," you sigh with content, "how long was i asleep?" you reach for your phone to get a look at the time.

"long enough for me to build you the perfect castle," san replies with a giggle. "move in ready," he adds with a wide smile at you, dimples on full display.

"not sure a castle is in my budget," you entertain him with a grin of your own, moving to place your phone back into your bag and rummaging around for the bottle of sunscreen, sure both of you could use a reapplication.

"well only 5 oyster shells a month for a 12 bedroom 14 bath seems like a steal to me," he reasons with a shrug, running his hand through his hair to move some of the loose strands that had been stuck to his forehead. his gaze doesn't brake away from you even as you focus your attention fulling on looking into your beach bag, a habit of his you've begun to notice even more recently as you both spend increasing time together.

"why wouldn't you live there too? sure is a lot of bedrooms for just one person," you comment without much thought at the nature of the remark. 

san doesn't immediately respond and his silence causes you to bring your attention back to the man sat next to you. he seems to be trying to avoid your own gaze, looking back toward the main land where food trucks and sweet treat stands line the pavement. he seems suddenly more thoughtful, smile gone and eyes narrowed, and you notice the red glow of his cheeks, trying to distinguish if it's simply from his time in the sun but you don't get a chance to comment on it as he's suddenly standing.

"i'm in the mood for something sweet, want anything?" he asks abruptly, still not meeting your eyes as he grabs the white button up and sunglasses he'd discarded on the sand when you'd first arrived.

you furrow a brow at his sudden eagerness to distance himself while he slips the items on.

"uh surprise me."

and with that he's leaving you to wonder what just happened.

thinking back to your conversation you almost groan audibly when you realize what you'd said. you and san were just casual, having met last summer while you were both staying the summer here at namhae. you'd hooked up a couple times back the , after friends’ parties and such, but this summer you'd seen your connection escalate. you weren't technically in a relationship, never going on official dates or truly talking about what you were, but you certainly acted cozy. part of that was simply in san's nature, always a fan of pda, but it mostly seemed to be a natural element of whatever this little fling was. however, your comment about living together seemed certainly to snap him out of the hazy bubble of this summer fever you'd wrapped yourselves in.

the sudden awareness of your slip up casts your own mind into a frenzy of thought. why had you said what you did? obviously, the two of you living together conjured thoughts of romance and long-term affection, and that was not at all what you had now. was it?

was this little thing you shared made to last?

thinking back on the summer you'd already shared, every other minute spent together, sharing passionate kisses in front of the orange sunset and exploring the coastal town hand in hand. who could fault you for imagining a world in which you could continue on like this forever? how much longer could you two do this before you fell in love?

"the gelato truck was here," san says suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts as he holds a cone of the creamy dessert out to you. "sorry, it melted a bit on the way here," he apologizes sheepishly when you accept the dripping cone.

he no longer seems to be avoiding your gaze as he sits down with his own paper cup of italian ice, eyes sparkling as he watches you try your gelato.

"we need to reapply," you comment remembering you were still holding the bottle of sunscreen and shaking it gently.

"once we're done," san nods, "we're okay under the umbrella for right now."

a silence settles between you as you both eat, swapping bites every so often and just listening to the waves crash against the shore. you try not to slip into a thought spiral, worrying about whether you are starting to develop deeper, unrequited feelings for your summer fling. you try to analyze him subtly, but san seems as relaxed as ever, like nothing had happened. maybe its just the birthday effect.

"do you want to do something fancy for dinner? wooyoung said that place just down the road is good," you suggest. "you could invite the boys. i'm sure drinks would be on hongjoong."

he hums and for a moment you think it's in thought until you see hes adjusting his position, placing his empty paper cup into your little trash bag and laying on his side. "you don't like my cooking?" he asks teasingly, having told you earlier today that he wants to cook for you tonight.

"you shouldn't have to cook on your birthday," you reply with a roll of your eyes, crunching on the last of your cone.

san only shrugs, "i like cooking."

silence settles once more over you two and you tap gently against the sunscreen, thinking of how else you might get him to do something he might enjoy more than simply laying on the beach with you.

"why don't we go do something more exciting, ya know? something more celebratory," you suggest, placing the sunscreen back on the ground next to you.

san rolls onto his back, hands behind his head with his eyes closed, and releases a gentle sigh. "i like what we're doing now," he says before cracking one eye open to look at you. "can't the birthday boy pick what he wants to do on his own birthday?" he asks with a teasing smirk, one eye still closed.

you scoff lightly, turning away from him so that he won't see the blush dusting your cheeks. "i just don't want you wasting all your time with me," you explain and although you're talking about today specifically, it's strongly implied that you mean in general, throughout the summer. sure you've each spent time with other friends but even group hangouts would turn into you both in your own world in the corner.

"hey," san's voice is gentle but his touch is even gentler as he wraps his fingers around your wrist, causing you to look back toward him. "my time with you is never wasted," he says earnestly, eyes staring deeply into your own.

for a moment you hold your breath, ready for him to say something else, but if he had more words they never come, instead releasing your wrist and gesturing for you to lay down with him, an invitation you accept with little hesitance. you easily tuck into his side, allowing his arm to support your head like a pillow.

"can i at least get you a gift?" you ask under your breath, your urge to fight starting to fade.

you think that san doesn't hear you at first, continuing his slow even breaths beside you, but as you open your mouth to ask again he shifts to face you.

"stick with me," he says quickly.

you aren't sure if its a question or a request and so you furrow your brows at the man whose face is only inches from your own.

"go out with me," he says when he sees your confusion. "officially."

your lips part slightly in surprise and you quickly search his features to evaluate his honesty, but all you can see is the blush on his cheeks and the sparkle of hope in his eyes.

"when?" you ask, a little breathless as san leans even closer to your face, if that was even possible.

"i have tickets to the carnival tomorrow," he explains, "it can be our first date."

you can only nod, swallowing thickly, before san closes the distance and his lips are on yours.

you've kissed plenty of times before, but this one feels different, with the promise of more on his lips and the sticky gelato left over on yours mixing to form the sweetest feeling in your chest.

↼ ateez masterlist

note hopefully you enjoyed, wrote this kinda quick so excuse any mistakes

let me know what you thought

sanjoong | ftm dom bottom hongjoong, sub top san

preview

Hongjoong liked that San was pathetic. Sometimes he put up an assertive front, but it always crumbled at the slightest of pressure. He'd get teased, try to fight back, then submit when the other didn't take him seriously. Hongjoong didn't taunt or tease much outside of the bedroom, and enjoyed the show whenever somebody else played around with San. He never stood up for himself. It was hot.

oh my god??? pray to yeosang this is... im flabbergasted, i cant even dissect this to give a solid review. brain = melted.

smut drabble (MDNI)

PAIRING: San, Seonghwa, Hongjoong x cam-girl!reader

W/T: blowjob, unprotected sex, masturbating, cum eating, titty fucking

W/C: ~770

• it’s short but y’all know i can’t write long shit 😭

taglist: @bratty-tingz @wisejudgedragonhairdo @horanghae8 @bro-atz @bunnyluvr25 @xonga @leeknowsbbg @yourfatherlucifer @therealcuppicake @hongjoongswifefr

You looked up at the camera with teary eyes, San was pulling your hair back, holding you still when his thrusts got rougher. Right after you looked down at the mattress, the man on your left lifted your chin, Hongjoong gave you a joyful smirk, chuckling at the sight of your fucked out face. “Why don’t you put in good use that mouth now, huh?” he grabbed his dick with the other hand, he brushed its tip against your lips, before you would part them. Without even waiting a second, he pushed his hips forward, making you choke on the spot. Seonghwa, who was on your left side groaned, he seemed about to cum soon from the loud sounds he made. “Ahw look at you, struggling so much to take two cocks at the same time, but sweetie, aren’t you used to it? Aren’t you a good slut?” he spoke to you, even though he wasn’t expecting an answer at all. Without going any further, San pulled out and started to stroke his cock, shooting his cum all over you ass. His head fell back, groaning. He then admired his work of art for a quick second, before moving to the side where Seonghwa was kneeling. “Come on man, your turn now” The man looked at your face through the big monitor, where the comments of the livestream were showing next to the record of the four of you. He then positioned himself behind you, ready to please himself a little more, until reaching the edge. Hongjoong tugged at your hair, loosing his mind at the feel of your tight throat swallowing his dick. Once he reached his orgasm, he pulled your head against his pelvis with force, forcing you to take his seed down your stomach. “Yeah, just like that…” Hongjoong faced Seonghwa, who was teasing himself with rubbing his cockhead between your sticky folds. “Let’s change position” You glanced at him, and stood up on your knees, ready to follow his instructions. “Be a good girl and ride him, i’ll fuck your tits and you can suck San’s cock.” Seonghwa laughed behind you. “That’s pretty difficult, but a slut like you shouldn’t have many problems. Am i right?” You nodded in silence, sitting immediately on Seonghwa’s cock as soon as he layed down. You moaned at the feeling of your pussy being stretched out once again, while looking up at Hongjoong with doe eyes, he caressed your chin and brushed your lips with his thumb, the smirk on his face grew wider. You started to bounce on Seonghwa’s lap, sweet mewls kept leaving your mouth, San got closer and grabbed your cheeks. You opened automatically your mouth when he squeezed them slightly. Hongjoong, at the same time, did the same thing with your tits, playing quickly with your nipples before sliding his cock between the small gap of your squished breast. Along with your bounces, San and Hongjoong moved their hips. The show you all put on was now filled with loud groans from the men and gags emitted by you. Everyone was still overwhelmed by the previous round you had before, it was almost 2 hours that the stream was going on. The situation was a complete mess, an arousing one though, the speakers kept emitting loud notifications as the audience started to give tips every two or three seconds. It wasn’t necessary to say that you were exhausted, Seonghwa helped you and guided your hips up and down. The other men sped up their pace at the front. “Yes baby, keep it up. Let us breed you one last time” You muffled something incomprehensible, since that your mouth was filled completely by San’s cock. It was a matter of a bunch of seconds, and you all came one after the other. Seonghwa spurted his cum into you first, which brought you soon after to cream around him. Your choked moan, the intense vibration of your voice made San climax on the spot. And finally, after a few more pumps lubricated by your saliva, Hongjoong bursted his last load all over your breast. Once you could stand up on your jelly legs and get to reach your computer setup, you thanked all the viewers for the generous tips, before ending the live stream.

You looked at the three men dressing up again, then taking a seat on the edge of your bed, still catching up their breaths.

“I should invite y’all more often, fans pay very well when i’m getting wrecked by your cocks” you chuckle, sinking your body into the softness of the gaming chair.

ok but overly self assured/mean dom/possessive wooyoung....(ft. san)

wooyoung who clicks his tongue at you when you disagree with him, his finger wagging in your face.

wooyoung who raises an eyebrow sharply when you have a different taste in food than him.

wooyoung who shoves you to your knees and makes you suck his cock because you voiced your disagreement

wooyoung who thrusts into you with so much power because he didn't like your movie choice, stating it was childish.

wooyoung who decides to tie your hands to the headboard for pointing at something he didn't like in the window of a shop

wooyoung who wants you to crawl to him from the front door when you walk in smelling even remotely different

wooyoung who wants you wearing no panties so he can eat you out whenever he wants because you're his and he deserves it

wooyoung who cooks you dinner and then fucks you on the table after you choked on your veggies

wooyoung who slams you against a wall and wraps his pretty hand around your throat for making a disgusted noise at something he suggested for dinner

wooyoung, who late at night, cuddles up to you carefully only to shove your face into a pillow and plow you into a new dimension when you whimpered at his touch in your sleep

wooyoung who lets san watch him fuck you because you looked at someone in public for too long

wooyoung who lets san actually fuck you because you whined at him to help you out of your restraints so you could touch your boyfriend

wooyoung who pushes you into sans broad chest after you accidentally stumble into him earlier in the day, a tsk on his lips as he watches you fall into him...

i may be a mingki first and foremost but san is so easy to write in my head??? maybe i need to accept that san is going to be one of if not the most written for on my blog…….. we shall see. this san network is not helping my brain wanting to write san either pls 😭

we're at 100 already please 🥲i cant thank you guys enough for the reception this got. i'll start a small smut based on these last few points to celebrate

ok but overly self assured/mean dom/possessive wooyoung....(ft. san)

wooyoung who clicks his tongue at you when you disagree with him, his finger wagging in your face.

wooyoung who raises an eyebrow sharply when you have a different taste in food than him.

wooyoung who shoves you to your knees and makes you suck his cock because you voiced your disagreement

wooyoung who thrusts into you with so much power because he didn't like your movie choice, stating it was childish.

wooyoung who decides to tie your hands to the headboard for pointing at something he didn't like in the window of a shop

wooyoung who wants you to crawl to him from the front door when you walk in smelling even remotely different

wooyoung who wants you wearing no panties so he can eat you out whenever he wants because you're his and he deserves it

wooyoung who cooks you dinner and then fucks you on the table after you choked on your veggies

wooyoung who slams you against a wall and wraps his pretty hand around your throat for making a disgusted noise at something he suggested for dinner

wooyoung, who late at night, cuddles up to you carefully only to shove your face into a pillow and plow you into a new dimension when you whimpered at his touch in your sleep

wooyoung who lets san watch him fuck you because you looked at someone in public for too long

wooyoung who lets san actually fuck you because you whined at him to help you out of your restraints so you could touch your boyfriend

wooyoung who pushes you into sans broad chest after you accidentally stumble into him earlier in the day, a tsk on his lips as he watches you fall into him...

🎀 ᴄᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ - Choi San

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 909 words (drabble essentially, sorry.)

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: masturbation. san's a bit pervy. mentions of sex toys. cum. (it's smut what do you expect.) drabble. possible part two.

𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: perv!Choi San, teasing reader.

𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: choi san x reader

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: i wanna say a huge thank you to @abiaswreck for being my hype man through this one. for being my hypeman through writing in general. i appreciate you so much more than you will ever know my friend. while reading it's not required, but inspiration for this one is thanks to this song, i had been sitting on this one for so long. so thanks to sleep token.

San knows it's wrong.

He knew it the moment he had started to get off on it, from the very first time he heard the very whimper that was a dead giveaway of what you were doing in your room. The familiar sound of humming filling the quiet apartment when he would come home from wherever it was. He knew that sound well, he'd learned what it meant.

He'd found himself standing outside the bedroom of yours, listening to the sound the first time he'd heard it. His body ten times hotter from the gasps and moans leaving your precious lips, the very lips that found their way inside his mind after that first day and from the very first corrupted thought.

He is ashamed he got off on it, that besides the beautifully plump lips surrounding his thoughts and brain. He had begun to wonder how you'd sound riding him, deep inside of your warmth, and if you'd be louder. If you'd beg him to come inside, he'd cum to the thought of it. He would cum to the sounds after a week. He'd stay awake often in hopes to hear the tall tale signs of what you'd be doing the next room over from him.

The guilt feeling would flood his veins shortly after, when the bedroom door would open and the shower would turn on. You'd wash away the slick between your legs that would haunt his dreams to just feel how wet you could get for him. Meanwhile, he'd clean himself with a dirty shirt from hours before. The guilt never stayed for long though, at least not now.

Not when this was the closest he could get.

San was no doubt desperate to feel the way the inside of your mouth would feel sucking on his length, the sounds of you gagging so beautifully on him. He'd do anything for that feeling, so much so that tonight after hearing the buzzing. San had found his way from his bedroom to the hallway, his back pressed against the wall by your bedroom door. His cock free and hard, harder than it's ever been before it feels like.

It's the little whimpers that leave your lips that makes the man tremble in his own skin. The constant pleases for release that's filling your otherwise silent bedroom. The cracked door being the opening to his view of you and what a beautiful sight it is, if he says so himself.

Legs spread, a beautiful view of pussy for him. The very vibrator in between your legs and moving with a feral pace that some may be concerned about it, but not San. San could care less not when you were bringing the highest pleasure to your delicate body.

"Please. Please."

His own version of porn is infront of him. One that he can't help and pump along to, his hand trying to match the pace of the silicone fucking into you. He can hear the squelching with each entire thrust. It's one particular thrust that sets San off, a sound escaping his lips without a second thought.

His mind running purely on pleasure, release, and absolute fucking fantasy of you, your body, and center. He's just on the edge. The sweet rush of cum getting ready to spill out of his cock and he knows he will have to clean it up after, but it's worth it. It's worth seeing this and you like this.

"San?"

Halting his movements to slow tug, a sudden fear bursting into his chest.

"Are you there?"

His hand has fully stopped, footsteps heading to where he stands. His eyes on you as you make your way to the cracked door and swinging it open. The overwhelming dread feeling his chest, guilt, and whatever else hits him fades away when you look down to where his softening cock is now.

"Did you?"

Your eyes darting from it to the floor, brows furrowed together as you look back up to him. You knew the answer, it's evident in the stain on the floor of the hallway. Although that's not what is the main focus here, at least not right now.

"I- Uhm."

It's the chuckle that escapes past your lips that makes his lips snap shut. Any single world leaving them just as quick, the shake of your head. A smirk.

"If you wanted to fuck me Sannie, you could have just asked me."

Eyes darting back to his beautiful browns, "I would have said yes."

Red covers his cheeks.

"I'd offer now, but it seems like you don't need it."

His eyes now dropping to his soft cock and stain on the hallway floor, no doubt he'd have to scrub so hard now.

It's the smirk that makes his stomach fill with butterflies, "Next time though, yeah?"

Shock once again overtaking the chiseled man's features as you turn on your heel, finding yourself back to the bed, legs spread, and the familiar buzzing going again as you make eye contact with him this time.

Each thrust from your hand sends a jump to his cock. Each whimper sending a chill down his spine, but it's the moan of his name that solidifies everything.

San will absolutely ravish you. San will do whatever you want, but for tonight? He is happy to watch. He is happy to play whatever game this is as long as he can feel the warmth of your body.

ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ᴏɴ ᴀ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢɢɪɴɢ ꜱʏꜱᴛᴇᴍ, ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ! ɪ'ᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ. // ʙᴀɴɢᴄʜᴀɴ ɪɴ ᴋᴀʟᴇᴍ©️ 2023 - ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ.

🎀 ɢᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜ - ᴄʜᴏɪ ꜱᴀɴ

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 1.17k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: pervy roommates. porn without plot. smut. (minors do not interact), if you squint a small breeding kink, creampies (we love them in this house), good girl, a very simpy San.

𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: perv!Choi San.

𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Choi San x reader

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a part two! it's not needed, but it would be preferred to read the first half of this one to get the "full effect." once again shouting out my dear friend @abiaswreck for the help and encouragement for this one. as always, thank you for your love and encouragement on my works.

Oh, he's perfect.

It's the only thought that can freely be said and thought while San's perfect tongue is lapping and flicking against your swollen clit. His hands spreading you wide for his liking and eyes finding themselves trained on yours, watching the way yours contorts to pleasure.

He's perfect.

"Just like that."

A finger finding itself inside of you only to be heard with the squelching of your walls swallowing him whole and a deep groan that finds its way from his lips.

"Fucking perfect."

San equally finding you just as perfect. If not more if he would say so himself. The way you taste and how it coats his tongue. He would get off on it alone. He'd greedily drink it if it was his only option.

He's brilliant with his tongue and if you weren't so out of breath, you'd tell him that. You'd scream it to the rooftops if you could.

If the very blue vibrator that brought such a high to your body, sensitivity to your pussy had brought you here. You'd have done this so much sooner. You would have been more daring, especially with the way his tongue is now bringing you so much pleasure.

The way that your legs are shaking alone from the over sensitivity, from the blue vibrator that had been you teasing yourself with for hours.

A single curve of his finger and flick of his tongue is what sets it off, brings the climax and sensitivity to a new high. A leg shaking experience from the pervy roommate who would have never crossed your mind in this way, not once.

Not in this way, his head buried so deep in between your legs and tongue lapping with a vengeance as if he is telling every single fantasy that's surfaced in his mind to you. Drinking in every single drop from your legs, teasing and smirking at the whimpering that leaves your lips with a praise that makes you swoon, crumble, and cry from it.

Such a good fucking boy he is.

"Mmmm, you taste so fucking good."

He groans, a thought he should keep to himself he is sure of, but from the way you are shoving him to his back, lips finding their way down his torso and pressing gentle kisses at the head of his hard cock, he's glad he didn't.

San is a lot of things, many things really, but one thing he isn't is dumb, for that he'll bite his tongue. He very much prefers this view, very much would love the feeling of your -

"Oh fuck."

His hands, they find their way into your hair. His grip tightening with each measure of his length that finds its way inside of the warmth of your mouth. Every hallowing of your cheeks that just feel tighter around his cock.

"Baby."

San is in heaven pure of his dirtiest fantasies and if he was a better man, sure of his own will and his own body, he'd not feel the need to do this. He'd not have to do this and as much as it makes him sad in that fact, in his fantasies, sucking him off and draining him isn't the top of his list.

At least not yet.

"I need to fuck you."

San's hand tugs at the makeshift pony tail, bringing you off his length with a pop. He's pressing his lips to yours, a hand finding its way to your neck and holding you to him. Tongues crashing against each other, groans, and as messy as he can and will make this at some point, he is desperate here.

He's a weak, weak man.

Absolutely weak.

Absolutely.

His hands are at your hips just as fast, squeezing and kneading before he is flipping you to your back. Lips at your neck, leg finding its way in-between yours and spreading them for him to see all of you once again.

San groans, you are drenched so beautifully and so much that it coasts your inner thighs. He's so clean you up again, he'd bring you to the pleasure of absolute tears and joy but for now, he can wait.

For now, his much needed craving is the upmost important.

So much more important and it's clear of that when his length is pushed so deeply inside of your core, squeezing him as he sinks into you. Groaning filling the room from not just you, the feeling alone of full to the brim of just him and him alone.

"So fucking warm."

Hips retrieving from inside of you, slowly and with each thought out step from your pervy room mate.

"So fucking wet."

Your nails digging into his bicep, "I'm gonna absolutely fucking wreck you."

Before you can even find the next words, open your mouth, and tell him to do it cause you dared him too. His hips are smacking against yours rough and fast, a cry leaving past your swollen lips as he finds his way to bringing you sheer pleasure.

Determination to make you never need any toy, any other man, and tongue ever again.

"Such a good girl."

Legs shaking, grasping for anything to keep a steady grip on.

San's coos directly in your ear, each swipe of his tongue on your skin and nibble. You are clenching, struggling, and on the edge of release.

He's perfect.

"Cum on my cock."

You won't need to be asked twice, really cause it's there. desperately. It's touching the surface with each roll of his hips, the small dances of his fingers finding your clit, touching with a gentle press, rolling, and gently pushing the button of release.

You just need one more -

"Oh that's such a good girl."

He's almost there, he just needs you to absolutely flood him. Drown him in your cunt, he needs it.

"That's it, cum on my cock."

He doesn't have to ask more than twice, absolutely not.

He groans against your skin, "Oh my good little girl."

He's biting at your neck, groaning against your skin and lapping the stinging pain after. It's too much.

It's a final thrust, a squeeze and clenching of your cunt around him that sets him off. A hand digging into your thigh as he lifts it up, a better angle to send his cum further into you. He'll fuck into it you if he needs too, he can manage more.

He'll do whatever you ask of him, cause the view of you here in his presence like this. His cum finding its way outside of you, an instant feeling of more swarming his thoughts at the sight.

San really hopes you will let him come back around.

ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ᴏɴ ᴀ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢɢɪɴɢ ꜱʏꜱᴛᴇᴍ, ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ! ɪ'ᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ. // ʙᴀɴɢᴄʜᴀɴ ɪɴ ᴋᴀʟᴇᴍ©️ 2023 - ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ.

Cupid's Arrow - Choi San

Synopsis: You refused to spend another Valentine's Day alone. You have tried online dating, having friends set you up on spontaneous dates, and even made efforts to flirt in public. This year, you were settling for something a bit different - speed-dating.

Pairing: non-idol!Choi San x fem. reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, trying to find love in a major city

Warning: mentions alcohol consumption, slight vulgar language, suggestive sexual activity

Word Count: 3.8k

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

"This is.. West 4th-Washington Square. Please stand clear of the opening doors."

Your heart was racing, your body practically trembling as you stared forward. Was this actually going to happen?

Ding

Quickly but carefully, you pushed yourself out of the opening of the subway. You didn't want to get trampled by the crowds of people trying to get in. You've learned better to just move as quickly as possible if you want to make it to your destination on time.

You also learned how easily frustrated people get when they are behind someone who either doesn't know where they are going or is just walking slowly.

Last year, you took the leap of faith and moved to New York City. Like many others, you dreamed of moving to this extravagant place to make a name for yourself. You daydreamed of walking the busy streets and having a cute tiny apartment with a skyline view. You sacrificed that latter wish for an in-unit washer and dryer - a real jackpot find!

While you certainly have made friends in the city, you often find yourself frustrated with the dating department. You have been on several first dates, a few that turned into second and third dates. One or two turned into potential relationships.

Yet, it would quickly fizzle out.

At first, you thought that it was something with you. You tried changing how you approach first dates, how you dress for them - anything that you thought you could be doing wrong was thought over meticulously.

"The problem isn't you," your roommate vowed. Your racing mind was settled by the NYC Dating Queen herself. She has been through the wringer with guys throughout the whole city. "You're in your 20s in New York City," she laughed. "Most guys are thinking with their dick first then their brain. Ever notice how many guys are reaching back out, begging for another chance?"

You slowly nodded your head. "Yeah, which is so annoying because by the time they think straight, I've already moved on."

Maybe you were a bit old-fashioned when it came to love. No, you weren't in the market to settle down quite yet. You wanted to meet someone and take things slow, go on dates, and be exclusive before making that big of a commitment. Getting the conversation out of the dating apps was the first milestone you wanted to achieve.

"Good! Don't give them any type of satisfaction. All of these guys are dates from Tinder?" "Yep," you announced, making sure to pop the 'p' before taking a sip out of your wine glass. "So you're also getting the mix of tourist guys who are just horny and wanting to fuck while visiting the city."

You groaned at the realization, your head leaning back against the arm of the couch. How was she always right about this kind of stuff?

"You deserve to meet your prince charming in another way. Clearly, dating apps are not cutting it." "And going up to a guy at the bar scares me," you confessed before fixing your posture.

The two of you were sitting on the couch. It was a snowy night in the city which caused many of your evening plans to get canceled. The two of you were nestled on the couch, watching a movement on HBO Max with a chilled bottle of red wine. Your other roommate managed to escape the apartment to go on a date tonight. Lucky bitch.

"You know how our lovely roommate is out on a date?"

You nodded again as you looked over, an eyebrow raised. Wherew as this going?

"She only got together with him once she deleted the dating apps and tried something different." And the look on your other roommate's face told you she had something planned for you.

That was how you find your way navigating through the busy streets of Manhattan. You had no idea that speed-dating was so popular, or that it could be successful. Your roommate's current relationship gave you hope that meeting someone this authentically could be the solution to your problems.

Tonight, speed-dating was taking place at a bar in Greenwich Village. You've honestly been trying to come grab brunch here as you were drawn to the aesthetics shown off on social media.

It did bring a smile to your face to see the white-painted door surrounded by vines. Three brick steps led up to the front door. It was like a little escape room all the steel and concrete of the city.

Even though you were ecstatic to be going to this new place, it didn't help your nerves. You were the type of person who loved getting to know someone for sure, but something was intimidating about going on multiple "first dates." You had to put on a good impression for more than an hour.

“Hi, you also hear for the speed dating?” A voice called out from beside you.

You looked over to see the most gorgeous man. He was tall, dressed in a black button up which peaked from the grey winter coat he was wearing. His hair was sleeked back with a few strands framing his forehead. He also wore this soft smile which made your knees weak. He was definitely going to be hot commodity tonight.

You nodded slightly, offering also a gentle smile. “How could you tell?” “Let’s just say I’m hoping to get to know you better tonight,” he said, winking.

It took everything in you not to let your jaw drop. You never met someone who spoke so coolly. He was the total package.

“Come on, let’s get you out of the cold. You’re practically shivering.”

Maybe it was from the chilly evening hair. Or maybe it was your nerves overriding your system. Either way, you were not going to disclose the truth. Not when this gentleman had his hand placed on your lower back to help you inside.

“Already trying to win me over?” You asked teasingly. “How could you tell?” He asked, matching your tone from earlier.

The two of you shared soft laughter as you crossed the threshold into the cocktail bar. There were tables lined up with white linen, a candle in the middle, and a short bouquet of flowers. Frank Sinatra was playing overheard, both screaming New York and romance. The mystery man stood slightly behind you, his hand leaving your back which you already missed.

“Hi! Sorry, we are closed for a private event,” the hostess said. “Oh no, sorry! We are both here for the speed-dating event,” you explained.

The hostess blush lightly from her mistake before nodding her head. “My apologizes, I assumed you two were already a couple since you walked in together. Can I get your name, please?”

You couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter at the insinuation. Sure, you guys happened to cross paths with the handsome stranger. Possibilities were endless though!

“Y/f/n y/l/name” “Great! All checked in. Here is your number ticket that indicates your table. And here is two drink tickets for the evening.”

You nodded, saying a quick “thank you.” You took the tickets before putting your phone in your purse. It bought you enough time to overhear the stranger behind you and gain some pieces of his identity.

“And your name, sir?” “Choi San.”

You smiled to yourself once you got his name. Choi San.

Not wanting to linger anymore, you began making your way to the long row of tables. Each table had a heart laminated and taped to the table. They were numbered 1-16. Glancing down at your ticket, you saw you were placed at number 7, your own lucky number.

More people were beginning to file into the establishment. However, you were trying your best not to scope out too much. You wanted to go into this open-minded, wanting to take in the experience while remaining open to the potential of finding a new connection. It didn’t help that your mind was already infiltrated with a man named Choi San.

“Looks like I’ll have to wait a little bit to get to know you, pretty girl,” San said.

He winked at you as he passed by your table, heading towards Table 8. Looks like you’ll be ending your night on a high note if he would be your last encounter of the night. You watched him for a moment. He sat on the opposite side of you, giving an indicator that the men will either be transitioning or the females will.

Feeling your eyes on him, he looked over at you too quickly for your liking. It didn’t give you enough of a chance to glance away. Your cheeks were also a key indicator what you had been up to, which weren’t really concealed despite the dimmed lighting. He chuckled lightly underneath his breath before he got to work at shrugging off his jacket.

You couldn’t pull your eyes away when his jacket off did in fact confirm the black button up he was wearing. What kept your attention was the way his fingers got to work unbuttoning the top 2, revealing his golden chest underneath. You wanted to be respectful, but you couldn’t help but slightly gawk at the man adjacent from you.

“Keep your eyes on me, angel. I’ll be coming for you.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Welcome ladies and gentleman to our fifth annual Cupid's Speeding Dating! Here is how it's going to go. Men are going to move to the left, switching the seat to chat with a new woman. You will have five minutes to make your best first impression."

Your eyes shifted over towards San, seeing that he would be moving further away from you at first. However, that just means you get to be the last person he talks to tonight.

"You know, there are a lot of things I can do in 5 minutes." You were interrupted by your internal thoughts by the man across from you. Your nose scrunched up as you understand quickly what he was suggesting.

"Please do not exchange numbers or socials until the next of the event. We want to make sure you are investing more into your conversations."

The guy across from you smirked again, winking. Ugh! Does this guy really think he has a chance?

You leaned back into the seat, wanting to create distance from you and your first date of the evening. You weren't much of a person to fixate on appearances. I mean, the guy was quite attractive. Yet, the moment he opened his mouth, all possible attraction flew out the door. It honestly just made you yearn more for San.

Noticing movement out of his peripheral, San glanced over. He flashed you a smile before going to pay attention to his current date. Sure, he knew he was most excited to talk to you, but he also didn't want to be rude. He just couldn't help but glance over to make sure you were okay.

"You can begin!" The host said excitedly.

Soon, the cocktail bar was filled with chatter. You decided to take a sip of water to ease your nerves, but also try to come up with a conversation to have with this guy. You were forced to be sat at the same time for the next five minutes anyways.

"So, what's your favorite position?"

This might possibly be the longest five minutes of your life.

Luckily, the guy talked more about himself which helped time run out. He was leaning across the table, as if he was trying to look down the top of your dress which caused you to only lean back into the wooden back of the chair. You also were silently thankful when the waitress brought over your first drink of the evening.

Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep.

"Okay, gentleman, please move one to your left."

The guy across from you let out a groan before pushing himself up. "I'll catch you after tonight," the guy said, winking. "Maybe we can go home together. Or slip into the bathroom for a little fun." You didn't even catch his name nor did you want to.

"It was nice chatting with you," San said next to you. "Good luck this evening!" There is an example of a gentleman.

As he got up to head to the next table, he smiled once more at the girl he was first chatting to. He also took a moment to glance at you, smiling a bit brighter. You felt as if you were going to melt in your seat. You just had to wait 14 more rounds before you got to be alone with San.

The second quickly blended itself until the 10th round. Sure, you loved chatting with the guys, and you could see yourself potentially going on a real first date with one or two. However, the whole time, you kept glancing over at San.

It would cause a twitch in your heart when he laughed at another girl's joke. The further he separated from you, the less you noticed his eyes finding yours. The reality that he could be more interested in someone else was beginning to set in. He could very much land at your table, being the last date of the night, and be exhausted. He could already have his heart set on another which caused you to sigh softly.

"I see you have eyes for someone already."

Looking up, you were greeted by a wide smile. The gentleman in front of you took a seat in front of you, running his hands through his hair to push back his hair. He was wearing an all-black outfit - dress pants that had a white, thin strip running up the side; a black v-neck that showed the silver chain around his neck, and a slightly oversized black sport coat.

"Sorry," you laughed lightly, blushing a bit. You didn't want to give off the wrong impression, especially when this gentleman seemed kind.

"No need to be sorry. Should introduced myself since it sees that you're gawking at my best friend," he said proudly. "My name is Wooyoung, and you are?"

You raised an eyebrow, feeling a bit intrigued. "Y/n." You took a sip out of your cocktail before setting it down on the counter. "You are friends with San?" "Oh, I see you two are on a first-name basis now. When is the wedding?"

Your cheeks got hotter as you took another sip out of your drink, which caused the young man to laugh. "Don't worry, I've seen him checking you out as well." "Stop, you're just saying that," you laughed. "We only met literally 30 minutes ago. There is no way that he is checking me out and I haven't noticed."

Leaning back into his chair, a smug grin curled onto his lips. He had one hand on the table, and the other resting on the back of the chair.

"You have no reason to trust me since I'm a complete stranger. However, I know my best friend. And I can tell you right now that if you look to my right side, you would be able to see San. And I bet he's fuming that his best friend is chatting up the girl he's been eyeing all evening."

You raised an eyebrow at this man's analysis. He looked at you challengingly, egging you on to look over to his right.

Unable to resist, you looked over. Your eyes widened as you noticed San was glancing from his date over to your table. His fists were clenched slightly while he did his best to maintain his composure in front of the woman he was chatting to. Yet, it was as if steam was about to shoot out of his ears.

"See?" Wooyoung said triumphantly. "You've got San wrapped around your pretty little finger, y/n."

Seeing San make eye contact with you, his eyes widened before he quickly looked away. You couldn't help but smile a bit brighter, your confidence starting to rise again. Maybe Wooyoung was right after all.

Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep.

"I'll definitely be seeing you around, y/n. Have a good rest of your evening," Wooyoung announced. He pushed himself up from his seat, about to move to the next table.

One thing you learned about Wooyoung in your short encounter was that he was filled with evil schemes and plots. For example, calling out how you and San kept looking at each other as if nobody could notice. You learned that while San was his best friend, he also liked getting a rise out of him.

Before you could say anything back to him, Wooyoung moved closer to you. He leaned down to press a firm kiss to your cheek, one everyone at the speed-dating event could see. Your eyes widened at his action. What was he thinking?!

People seemed to notice which caused cheers from the guys in attendance while the other women gasped. "Please keep it moving, Romeo," the event host announced. "You'll have enough time to show affection later."

"You'll thank me later," he whispered to you before moving to the seat at the next table.

You felt a bit guilty for not remembering the four guys. They seemed very friendly, having personalities that made it easy to talk to. You guys couldn't describe what on Earth was even said, not when your mind was counting down until you finally got to talk to San.

"You're a great listener, y/n. Too early to ask for your number?" "The host said no exchanging until after."

You looked over to see San standing up straight. You didn't think he did so maliciously, but it was obvious he was annoyed by the guy still sitting down. The guy you just talked to glanced over at you before putting his hands up in surrender and getting up.

Just as quick as the guy stood up, San slid into the seat. He moved the chair in so he could lean slightly over the table. "Do you like knowing your a hot commodity, angel?" He asked softly, a drastic change from how he just spoke.

"I have no idea what you are referring to," you said innocently.

San's hand moved to rest close to yours, his fingertips ghosting over your own. It sent electric shocks throughout your body just be being in close proximity.

"So you don't want to admit that my best friend had you giggling? You couldn't have thought that Wooyoung was seriously that funny. He gets all his best jokes from me!"

You could see San was getting a bit worked up. His chest was puffed up, wanting to present himself as a better option against whoever stood in his way, even if it was his best friend. Little did San know he had no true competition when you've had your eyes on him all evening.

"Actually, I found it adorable how jealous you get. Wooyoung merely pointed out this fact," you said, smirking.

You noticed then San's shoulders slump over a bit. His cheeks were flushed as he stared at you for a moment before looking towards the end of the row where Wooyoung was. Wooyoung, who was watching you two this whole time and offered a wave over to you two.

Sensing that San was getting a bit flustered, you moved your hand to rest on his. This caused his attention to move back to you, a smile curling onto his lips. He glanced down at your hands, eyes flickering to yours. You were not sure what he was looking for, but it became clear once he slipped his fingers in between yours.

And he looks for consent before doing anything? What a jackpot.

"I'll have to admit though. I was also getting jealous. I didn't like seeing you laugh with other girls when it should've been me," you confessed. Sure, you were just as embarrassed owning up to your faults, but you also hoped an ounce of your truth made San feel better.

It seemed to do the trick as his body relaxed. His thumb gently caresses the side of your index finger. You noticed his eyes were not leaving yours whatsoever, unlike before when his eyes would wonder around.

"Well, darlin', we don't need to wait anymore. You've got me all to yourself."

You and San spent the next hour or so chatting. You talked about your childhood, how you both ended up in New York City, and all your favorite things. Every time you talked, San looked at you as if you were made out of gems. He just adored listening to you, finally being sat at the same table with you.

San has always wanted to come to the United States. At first, it was to practice his English. However, he quickly realized that he wanted to learn more about people. He was currently researching graduate programs to study Sociology.

So not only is he kind and physically attractive, but he also was outgoing and intelligent. He was just checking every one of your boxes!

But he also was falling hard for you. He was impressed with how you took a leap into moving to New York City by himself. He was lucky to have Wooyoung whoo made the whole transition easier, so he couldn't imagine taking on the city solo. He admired your courage.

He also wouldn't vocalize it quite yet but he almost felt as if you two were destined to be in the same city.

The two of you didn't even notice that the other participants had left. The guys you had talked to tried staying around to grab your number, fuming at how San seemed to have snatched all your attention. Being the great friend Wooyoung is, he ushered them out so you and San could be uninterrupted.

It was as if Wooyoung was your own Cupid, doing everything in his power to make sure the love connection worked.

"I'm sorry, love birds, but we need to close up for the night."

San and you looked around, not realizing that all the tables had been cleaned and cleared after the event. The room was silent except for the noise of movement in the kitchen.

Looking back at you, he bit his lip. The clogs were stirring in his mind as if he was trying to figure out what to do next. Of course, you two would leave the cocktail bar, but then what? He looked as if he was afraid to say goodbye, and so were you.

"Why don't we walk around the Village? I'm sure we could find a late-night diner that isn't too crowded." "That sounds perfect."

San helped you out of the table before lifting yup your winter coat. He held it out for you, assisting you in slipping your arms through the sleeves. You turned slightly to press a kiss to his cheek, which made San light up like a little kid on Christmas day.

He quickly slipped on his own jacket before going to rest his hand back on your lower back. He nodded his head, both apologizing for overstaying but thanking the host for putting together the event.

She smiled understandingly as she witnessed San escort you back outside. His free hand pushes the front door open for you.

Maybe love did exist in New York City after all.

One Day At A Time - Choi San

Synopsis: Work is a major source of anxiety for you. You try your best to leave the stressors of your job at work, but sometimes, the little voices in your head get louder the moment you walk in the front door. Luckily for you, your boyfriend San is there to rid of every worry you might have.

Pairing: Idol!Choi San x Teacher!Reader

Genre: established relationship, fluffy comfort

Warnings: contains descriptions of anxiety.

Always remember to take care of yourself, whether you have anxiety or experience any other type of mental health decline. You are stronger than your toughest days. My DMs are always open if you need to talk/vent!

Word Count: 1.7k

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Your shoulders were slumped as you trudged up the steps to your apartment. All you wanted to do was curl up underneath the covers of your bed and hide from the rest of the world.

This was an ongoing feeling when you came home from your job. Often, you give all your energy in the classroom so it is easy to disassociate because of the low energy level you had once you exited the classroom. You would give your 100% to your students.

Today, you began to question if it was worth it. Not when your principal viewed you as falling short of expectations. You always found yourself working on lesson plans, on PowerPoints, and on other deliverables. All you wanted was to give your students everything but it still seemed like it wasn't enough.

Slowly, you slipped your shoes off by the door and placed your pink backpack on the floor. Not even shrugging off your jacket made the weight you feel lighter.

"Baby? Are you home?"

Your heart fluttered at the sound of your boyfriend. San. Your wonderful, amazing San. He was the ideal boyfriend, almost too perfect. He was there to let you rehearse lesson plans with you, letting you practice your delivery over and over again. You always heard the first year of teaching was the hardest, but this felt impossible. Yet, San was not going to let you give up on your craft.

He was constantly cheering you on. When you came home tired from a long day at work, he was there with a glass of wine ready to help you decompress. Often, he slipped little notes of encouragement either in your backpack or in the lunch. It was as if he knew those notes were your encouragement to get through the hard days.

When you decided to become a teacher, you thought that your toughest obstacle would be connecting with your students and handling uncomfortable parent-teacher conversations. What you didn't consider was having passive-aggressive school leadership that made it difficult to approach.

Honestly, most of your anxiety from your principal. Every single time you saw her, you felt your chest tighten. She was just unpredictable. You felt like you were walking on egg shells around her.

"Yeah, it's me," you called out.

Immediately, footsteps began to descend from the bedroom into the main part of the apartment. His footsteps sounded urgent as the padding of his feet hit the wooden floor.

All you could do was stand there. You didn't like being this type of person, not when San dropped everything for you. There was a part of you deep down that felt guilty because you know how crazy his schedule is. Yet, he still makes sure you know and never doubt not only his intentions with you but that he was constantly going to be here for you.

His heart broke at the sight. You looked so defeated, so burnt out. San knew your passion for education and making a difference. It was one of the reasons why San fell for you.

Yet, what he didn't like was that his angel was clearly upset.

"Bad day?" "The worst day."

If only he could absorb all your sadness. Honestly, he adored watching you on the day-to-day prepping for your students. You genuinely enjoyed that aspect of the job, learning the material and discovering the best methods of presenting it to your students. He always saw the passion and drive you held.

It was like you were center stage when you stood in front of the TV in the living room and presented the lesson to him as if he was one of your students.

Yet, right now, it looked like you were completely drained. And hated that.

Words didn't need to be exchanged. He knew what you needed, especially as you stood in front of him with tears in your eyes. The moment he saw a few were threatening to fall, he jumped into action.

His arms wrapped around you, holding you close. One of your favorite things about San was his hugs. It was as if he tried to squeeze all the sadness out of you. He made sure to keep one arm wrapped around you, so his fingertips could run up and down your spine. Your head nuzzled into his shoulders where your tears immediately began to soak the black t-shirt he had slipped on.

"I've got you. You can let it out. Whatever you need, sweet girl. I'm ready to give it all to you," he murmured to you.

Tiny kisses to your head were placed. His free hand moved to let the hair fall from the scrunch that had your hair pulled back into a low bun. He slipped the scrunch around his own wrist, ready for duty if needed. However, he knew one of the things you looked forward to doing when you stepped through the door was letting your hair down.

And it worked almost every time. Tonight, you needed something a bit extra.

"It was awful," you murmured into his clothed shoulder.

San knew immediately what you were talking about. You've been anxious over the past week and a half about your mid-year review at work. The anxiety only got worse when you received the Google Calendar invite.

Nothing could have prepared you for the shit show you walked into. It seemed as if everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. And San hated knowing all the hard work you put in was not getting acknowledged. You've been warned about coworkers how the first mid-year review tends to go. She tends to lean in hard, almost showing no remorse.

It felt like you had gone to a squaring match with a grizzly bear with no protection. You felt like you were beaten down to a pulp.

"What can I do for you?"

Once again, San proved that he was the best guy. Even after a long day of rehearsals for Coachella next month, he was in boyfriend mode. You tried your best to pour just as much love as possible back into him. Often, you wonder what you did to get so lucky to get such a considerate guy.

Not to mention he was attractive. He was honestly a dream come true. But to San, he was the one living the dream come true. You were his world, his princess. He would move mountains for you if you asked. You pulled your head back, so he could hear you better. "Just be here. Please. I don't want to talk about it."

That's all San needed to hear. With ease, he lifted you up and kept his hands underneath you to support you. Your arms wrapped around San's neck with your fingers running through the hair at the back of his head. This was what you always did as a comfort, and it also benefitted San because he loved the feeling of your hands on him.

He walked the two of you over to the couch. He knew in the moments you got emotional, you either wanted to be close like this or sprawl out. The couch offered the opportunity to switch if you desired, or he would be willing to carry you to your shared bedroom. You had San wrapped around your finger, but you didn't even know.

Everyone always commented on how he looked at you. His gaze always got compared to a Disney prince. You never doubted his love for you, but you almost couldn't believe it. San has never been happier, even when his members might tease him a bit about being whipped.

San had got himself situated on the couch. His hands left from beneath you to wrap fully around you. His arms pulled you in close, which caused you to sigh in relief. Both to be wrapped up in his arms but also feel his body heat against your body. The sigh was a good sign that you were on the road to recovery from your harsh day.

"You are such a hard worker, doll," he whispered into your ear. He kissed your cheek lingeringly. Your eyes fluttered shut to just soak in the moment of being this close with him.

"Watching everything you've done for your kids, your classroom, your school community. They are foolish for not recognizing what an outstanding teacher you are. But I see it, your coworkers see it. Your kiddos are so lucky to have such a caring, amazing teacher as you."

You sniffled as the tears began to fall again. The ache in your soul was being replaced with the love San had for you. Your heart was swelling with the amount of gratitude and love you had for him.

He was convinced each day that he fell harder in love with you. Everything he did was to make you happy in this shared life together.

"I don't wanna go back there," you sighed. "Just want to stay in your arms. You don't think the guys would mind?"

There's the woman he knew well. San wasn't afraid to conquer the hard days with you. He adored experiencing life with you. Yet, he never liked seeing you upset. When you were joking around, that was the woman he knew. You were starting to feel better, and he took pride that he was responsible for that.

"No, the guys won't mind. They know you're my everything. Do you think you can learn the choreography quick enough though?" "You know, I wanted to be a professional dancer when I was little."

His eyes widened slightly and a smile was on his lips. Even with your slightly puffy eyes and your red, runny nose, - he still viewed you as the most gorgeous woman in the world. And you were all his.

"Full of surprises, y/n. Always keeping me on my toes." "Me? What about you? You come home from a hard day of dancing, of probably jumping," you giggled.

He also shared that laughter with you. San definitely had gained quite the reputation for his wild dance moves and impressive but dangerous jumping ability. Hey, whatever happened in the KQ practice room, stays in the KQ practice room.

"But regardless. You always show up as the man I need, the partner I need." "It's not a surprise, pretty girl. You're mine and I'm yours. You allow me to live out my dreams and I'm here to support you in your dreams. I will do whatever it takes to make you smile and ensure your happiness."

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Selfishly wrote this for myself hahaha I had my mid-year review and let's just say, it was not the best 😅

But it's ok! I quit my job and have a new BETTER job starting this weekend.

The Right Kind Of Medicine | San

Pairing : San x female reader

Summary : At a party, your migraine hits hard, and your brother isn’t around. But his best friend is. He takes you home, his hands gentle but lingering, the tension between you undeniable. What starts as care turns into something far more intense.

Genre : smutty, unprotected sex, brother's best-friend au, MDNI

Words Count : 5k

**Disclaimer: All characters in this story are completely fictional, and do not represent the real personalities of any of the Ateez members.

m.list | K-pop Shop | ☕

The thud of the music reverberates through your skull, every beat a hammer against the back of your eyes.

It’s like the headache has grown roots, spreading deeper with every passing second, until the pain feels like it’s carved into your bones.

You close your eyes, pressing your fingers to your temples, but it doesn’t help. The pressure just builds and builds, each noise in the room twisting the knife further.

You glance around the crowded room, wishing Wooyoung were here. If your brother wasn’t off on his anniversary trip with his girlfriend, he’d be by your side, nagging you to drink water or trying to drag you outside for some fresh air.

He’s always been like that even though he’s the younger one—overprotective, annoyingly so sometimes. But right now, you’d give anything to have him here, to have that familiar presence to lean on.

You know you need to leave. The lights are too bright, the voices are too loud, and the party feels like it's suffocating you. Your head spins, and nausea rolls in your stomach.

You take a step toward the door, hoping to slip out without anyone noticing.

But instead, it’s San who notices you. Wooyoung’s best friend. The guy you’ve known for years, ever since you were kids. He’s always been around, always a part of the family in this weird, unofficial way.

You’ve spent countless summers with him hanging around your house, playing video games with Wooyoung,and you saw him as nothing but Wooyoung’s friend..... until recently.

Until he’d suddenly bulked up, traded his boyish charm for something far more dangerous, and somehow became hot. Like, can’t-stop-staring hot.

You’ve been pretending not to notice the way he’s filled out his shirts, the way his smile is still the same, but now his presence feels... heavier. Stronger. But even worse is the way he’s always been sweet to you, always caring, the kind of guy who somehow makes you feel safe without even trying.

He’s across the room, watching you. You try to pretend you don’t see him, but it’s too late. He’s already making his way over, weaving through the crowd like it’s second nature to him, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice is softer than usual, laced with concern, and you almost hate how much you like the way he sounds when he’s worried about you.

You swallow hard, forcing a smile you know is shaky at best. "I think I’m getting a migraine. I’m just gonna go home," you tell him, hoping it’ll be enough to brush him off.

San’s frown deepens, and for a second, he doesn’t say anything. He just looks at you, eyes scanning your face like he’s trying to figure out how bad it really is. And then, without hesitation, he says, "Let me drive you home."

Your instinct is to shake your head, to wave him off like you always do. You’ve never been the type to let people fuss over you, and you know how San can be, just as overprotective as Wooyoung sometimes.

You don’t want to be a burden. "No, it’s okay, San," You look up at him, your vision slightly blurred from the pain. “You don’t have to. I can—”

“I’m not drinking,” he cuts in, “And I don’t think Wooyoung would forgive me if I let you walk out of here alone.”

He doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch. His jaw tightens, and there’s that familiar stubbornness in his eyes. You’ve seen it before, usually when he and Wooyoung are arguing about something stupid, neither one willing to back down.

You open your mouth to protest, but another wave of dizziness crashes over you, and you have to reach out, your hand instinctively grabbing his arm for balance.

He catches you without missing a beat, his hands steadying you with a kind of ease that makes you feel safe in a way you didn’t expect.

You can’t bring yourself to argue any more. Maybe it’s the pounding in your head or the fierce look he’s giving you, as he dares you to push your luck. You let out a long breath, finally giving in. "Alright," you mumble, your voice barely above a whisper.

San’s expression softens, and he steps closer, gently placing his hand on your back. He guides you through the room with a quiet determination, careful not to rush you, his hand never leaving your back.

Outside, the cool night air hits your face, but it doesn’t do much to ease the throbbing in your head. You’re too aware of San beside you, of the way he opens the passenger door of his car like it’s the most natural thing in the world, helping you inside.

He doesn’t say anything as he slides into the driver’s seat, but the way his hands grip the steering wheel tells you he’s still thinking about you, still focused on making sure you’re okay.

The drive is quiet, but not in an uncomfortable way. San’s presence fills the silence, steady and warm, and even though the throbbing in your head hasn’t let up, you find yourself focusing more on him than the pain.

Every so often, he glances over at you, his brow creased with worry. You’re touched by how seriously he’s taking this, how his entire focus seems to be on making sure you’re okay. It’s not something you’re used to, this level of quiet concern. Especially from him.

When he finally pulls up to your apartment, he’s out of the car before you can even think about unbuckling your seatbelt, rushing around to your side to help you out.

The second you stand, your legs wobble, and San’s arm wraps around you instinctively, supporting your weight as though you weigh nothing at all.

His touch is gentle, firm, reassuring in a way that makes your stomach twist, not from the headache, but from something deeper, something you don’t want to examine too closely.

“Lean on me,” he murmurs, his voice soft but commanding as he helps you inside.

You don’t argue, too tired to pretend you’re fine. He’s stronger than you realised, his body solid against yours, and as he guides you up the stairs to your apartment.

By the time you make it to your door, your head is pounding, your vision blurring slightly from the pain. But San doesn’t let go. Not until you’re inside, and even then, he doesn’t step back fully.

He helps you to your room, guiding you to the bed with a care that surprises you. He’s so gentle, so focused, and when he finally lowers you onto the mattress, it’s like he’s making sure you’re as comfortable as possible.

You sink into the bed, letting out a soft sigh of relief as the cool sheets hit your skin, but the tension in your body hasn’t quite eased. You can feel San’s presence still lingering nearby, his concern palpable in the air.

“Thank you, San,” you manage to say, your voice weak but sincere. “I appreciate it.”

He gives you a small, tight-lipped smile, but his eyes are filled with concern. "No problem at all." His voice is soft, warm, but there’s a slight tension there, like he’s still worrying about you, still not quite sure if he should leave.

He stands at the edge of your bed, watching as you shift uncomfortably, trying to find a position that doesn’t make the headache worse.

You can feel his hesitation, the way he hovers just a step too close to the door, unsure. His brow furrows as you let out a soft groan, struggling to get comfortable, and he takes half a step forward, like he’s torn between leaving and staying.

"Is there anything else you need?" His voice is gentle, filled with genuine care.

For a second, you let yourself imagine asking him to stay. The idea of being alone right now, with the pounding in your head and the waves of nausea, feels unbearable.

You’ve always hated being alone when you’re sick, when you’re vulnerable like this. And right now, you don’t want to be alone. You want him to stay. To sit beside you, maybe even hold you, let you lean into his warmth until the pain fades.

But you can’t. You don’t want to burden him, and besides, he should be back at the party, enjoying himself, not stuck here taking care of you. So you swallow the words that almost come out, pushing them down as far as you can.

“No,” you finally say, offering him a weak smile, your voice soft and tired. “Thank you, San. You’ve done more than enough for me. You should go back to the party.”

San hesitates at the doorway, his gaze locked on yours. There’s an unspoken plea in your eyes, a silent request that you don’t even realise you’re making.

You’re too proud to voice it, but he sees it, sees how vulnerable you look, how exhausted and in need of comfort you are. The warmth of his concern tugs at him, and he can’t ignore it.

With a deep breath, he pulls his phone and car keys from his pocket, placing them onto the bedside table . “I think I’ll stay for a bit,” he says, his voice low and sincere.

You look at him, your voice barely a whisper. “You don’t have to.”

But he’s already taking another step forward, his eyes never leaving yours. “I want to,” he says, his voice almost a murmur, filled with an honesty that makes your chest tighten.

He moves closer, and you give a slight nod, a small, barely perceptible movement that feels like giving in to something you’ve been wanting all along. “Okay,” you say, your voice thin and wavering.

“Alright,” he repeats, as if trying to reassure you as much as himself. He climbs onto the bed, careful not to jostle you, making sure every movement is slow and deliberate.

He settles beside you, lying down with an ease that belies the tension in his shoulders. He leaves a small space between you, just enough to ensure you don’t feel overwhelmed by his closeness, but it’s clear he’s close enough to offer comfort.

The warmth of his body radiates toward you, and though the space between you is modest, it’s more than enough to make you feel less alone.

"Thank you," you murmur, your voice barely audible as you close your eyes, letting the exhaustion finally overtake you. The word feels inadequate for the comfort you’re receiving, but it’s all you can manage in your foggy state.

San’s response is immediate, his voice soft and sincere. “You’re welcome.”

You shuffle closer, seeking out warmth and solace, you find yourself pressing gently against his side. You nuzzle into the crook of his arm, instinctively reaching for the comfort he offers.

San’s eyes widen slightly at the sudden proximity, his breath catching for a moment as he processes the shift. But he doesn’t hesitate.

There’s a moment of stillness before he gently wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer with a tenderness that surprises even him.

As you drift off, the last thing you’re aware of is the gentle pressure of San’s arm around you, the warmth of his presence, and the soft rhythm of his breathing.

You wake slowly, the dim light from the hallway casting soft shadows around the room. The rhythmic sound of San’s breathing is a soothing backdrop to the dull ache still lingering in your head.

You shift slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position, and his body responds with a gentle murmur.

San’s eyes flutter open, his expression relaxed and drowsy. The warmth of his arm still around you is comforting, but it’s the sleepy smile on his face that really catches your attention.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” you whisper, your voice still soft and fragile from sleep.

“Hey there,” he replies, his voice hoarse from sleep but warm and welcoming. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m… a little better,” you admit, your voice still a whisper. “Thanks to you.”

San smiles, “Good, I’m glad,” he says, his voice still tinged with drowsiness. San stretches his arms with a soft yawn, his movements slow and relaxed “What time is it?” he asks, his tone carrying a mix of curiosity and concern.

You reach for your phone, squinting a bit at the screen before responding. “A little after midnight.”

San’s eyes widen slightly, and he lets out a soft, slightly surprised exhale. “Oh,shit, it’s late.” There’s a note of reluctance in his voice as he adds, “I should head home.”

His presence has been a comfort, and the thought of him leaving now feels like a sudden, unwelcome shift. “You can stay here,” you offer, your voice quiet, but earnest. “If you want.”

San’s gaze meets yours, and there’s a moment of silence as he processes your offer. The room feels cosy, the warmth of his body still radiating through the air.

He seems to weigh the offer seriously. “Are you sure?” he asks, his voice gentle. “I don’t want to impose.”

“Of course, it’s kinda nice having you here,” you admit, the blush on your cheeks warming the cool room. The words slip out before you can fully process them, but they feel true.

San’s reaction is immediate, his gaze snapping to yours with a mixture of surprise and something that sends a flutter through your chest.

“Okay,” The word lingers in the air between you, charged with an unspoken understanding. For a brief moment, the world outside your small bubble seems to fade away.

You find yourselves locked in a silent exchange, your eyes meeting in a way that feels both intimate and intense. The connection is palpable, and your heart thuds in your chest.

San clears his throat, breaking the spell. His gaze flickers away, and he starts to shift slightly, adjusting his position in an attempt to find a more comfortable way to lay beside you.

He doesn’t move too far away, but there’s a deliberate effort to give both of you space, to balance between maintaining closeness and respecting boundaries. His hand lightly brushes against yours as he adjusts, a small touch that sends a shiver up your spine.

As he settles back into place, the intimacy of the earlier moment feels like a lingering echo, and you find yourself struggling to process the feelings it stirred up.

“Thank you for staying and looking after me,” you say softly, your voice filled with genuine appreciation. The words feel like a simple acknowledgement, but they carry a depth of gratitude that you hope he can feel.

San gives you a gentle smile that makes your heart flutter. “You don’t have to thank me,” he replies, his voice sincere. “I wanted to.” He shifts slightly, adjusting his position to get more comfortable. “I’m just glad you’re feeling a bit better,” he adds, “That’s what matters.”

As you lay there, the room dim and peaceful, you feel a sudden surge of affection. It’s a quiet moment, filled with the comforting warmth of San’s presence beside you.

Without thinking, you lean in, closing the distance between you. The urge to be closer, to feel him, is overwhelming.

You brush your lips gently against his cheek, your breath catching in your throat the moment they touch his skin. It’s a soft, innocent kiss, but your whole body feels it.

“I—I’m sorry" you inwardly cringe, panic rising in your chest. You just wanted to thank him, to express the swell of emotions bubbling beneath the surface." I didn’t mean to -”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he says softly.

San’s cheeks flush slightly, and he locks eyes with you, the moment stretching longer than you anticipated, heavy with unspoken words. His gaze flicks down to your lips, then back to your eyes.

He leans in, his intentions clear but cautious, giving you time to stop, to back away if you want. But you don’t. San’s eyes flicker between yours, searching for any sign of hesitation,

Then, with a tentative breath, he captures your lips in a slow, hesitant kiss. It starts softly, as if he’s testing the waters, his lips brushing against yours with a gentleness that sends shivers down your spine.

You melt into the kiss, your body responding instinctively, deepening it as you give yourself over to the sensation. The way his lips move against yours is intoxicating, and sends waves of warmth flooding through you, stirring something deep and undeniable.

His hands find their way to your waist, fingers pressing into your skin, igniting a spark that races through your body, sending heat pooling in your core.

Every nerve ending comes alive, and you feel a fluttering sensation in your stomach, a mixture of excitement and trepidation.

San pulls back slightly, his breath mingling with yours, and for a heartbeat, you’re both suspended in that space, caught between the thrill of the kiss and the reality of the moment. Your his best-friend’s sister.

His eyes search yours, a question lingering in the air, one that echoes your own thoughts: What does this mean for us?

But before you can voice your concerns, he leans in again, capturing your lips in another kiss, this one more confident, your hand slides up his t-shirt, feeling his warm skin. He groans softly. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this”

You pant heavily breaking away from the kiss, hands sliding over his abs, “Same”

His hands pull you closer, his fingers lacing into your hair. “Are you trying to drive me insane?” he chuckles, voice low and husky.

“Remember you’re my best friends sister” he adds, a playful warning laced with seriousness that makes your heart race faster.

The thrill of it all sends a rush through you, a heady mix of excitement and danger, making you all too aware of the precarious line you’re walking.

A spark of mischief ignites in your chest. “I know, but, I don’t want to stop”, your voice barely a whisper as you lean closer again, your lips grazing his jawline. He shivers at your touch, a low growl escaping him that makes your pulse quicken.

“Me neither,” he murmurs, the heat of his breath against your ear. Arousal floods your panties .

His grip tightens in your hair, pulling you even closer, as if he’s trying to fuse your bodies together. Every nerve in your body is alive, and you can feel the tension coiling between you like a tightly wound spring, ready to snap at any moment.

His gaze sharpens, and he searches your eyes, looking for confirmation, for understanding. “You know this could change everything between us,” he says, his voice dropping lower, laced with a seriousness that both excites and terrifies you.

“I know,” you whisper, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. There’s a part of you that understands the weight of your words, the reality of what crossing this line might mean.

San gently pushes you back on the bed, his mouth travelling down your neck, his teeth nipping at your skin softly. “Is this what you want?” he whispers, kissing along your collarbone.

Your mind is so hazy, enjoying the pleasurable sensations of his kisses, that you can only answer with a “mmmmm”

He hands explore every inch of your body, reaching the skin just above your waistband of your jeans.

His breath hitches as his fingers twitch over your button, he looks into your eyes, his own filled with desire and anticipation. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. San, more than anything” you bite you’re lip, hands clutching at his broad shoulders, feeling the muscles underneath your palms. He pops the button, slowly sliding the zipper down, before tugging off your jeans, you discard the rest of your clothes, baring yourself before him.

He groans, palming himself though his jeans. “Fuck….y/n….look at you” the praise makes you feel like a goddess, a small warm blush spreading on your face.

He lifts his own shirt over his head, His skin glows in the low light, and for a heartbeat, you can only stare at him and the sharp lines of his muscles.

His chest rises and falls with each ragged breath, his eyes lock onto yours, a dark intensity there that makes you forget everything else.

They’re heavy-lidded, pupils blown wide with need, and his lips are red, swollen from the way you’ve been kissing him, he looks downright sinful.

It feels like you’re getting your own magic mike moment, when he slowly tugs his jeans down to his pelvis, and then drags his boxers down too.

His thick hard cock, springs free, pre-cum leaking at the tip, and your pussy clenches, aching for him to be inside you already.

San leans forward on the bed, taking a pebbled nipple into his mouth, teasing and sucking it, your hips almost buck off the bed.

His hands holds your hips in place as he gives attention to the other one, his mouth pulling off with a loud pop.

His hands roam freely over your body, towards your thighs, you spread your legs and give him a view of your dripping core.

“Beautiful” he murmurs, he leans down to kiss your inner thigh, his lips trailing softly towards your wetness, whilst his fingers trace a path down your stomach, teasingly brushing against your entrance.

You whimper softly in anticipation, choking back a moan when his tongue laps up your juices.

“So sweet” he groans, against your folds, his tongue thrusting into your hole. He slips a finger inside you, finding your hole slick and hot, he begins to pump it in and out in time with his tongue’s movements.

“Mmmmm fuck, San.” Your pussy clenches as he adds a second finger, stretching you out enough before pulling them out slowly, only to slide them back in. He matches his rhythm with your moans, his other hand, grips your thigh, holding it open.

“Ohhhh, shit!” you arch your back as you glance down at him, the scene so erotic, as his beautiful pouty mouth latches on to your clit.

He smirks up at you, eyes drinking in every expression that crosses your gorgeous face. He can’t believe he’s here, finally getting to touch you like this. “Do you like that?” he asks, fingers moving deep inside you.

“Yes” you gasp, “ I’m so fucking close” you close your eyes focusing on the tight coil inside you.

“Then cum for me y/n” San urges, increasing the pace. You hold your breath, concentrating on the pleasure building, until stars explode behind your eyes. Soft sexy moans filter through to San’s ears, as he helps you ride it out.

“Fuck” San groans, he gives your clit a soft nudge, pushing you over the edge one more time as he feels your muscles clamp down around his fingers. “That’s it baby, give it all to me” he praises. “Good girl”

He sits up with a soft smile, taking in you fucked out expression “I could stare at you all night” he murmurs, you open your eyes to see him pumping his cock. The sight is enough to make you drool. “I want to be inside you, and feel you squeeze around me, wanna fuck you senseless” he gives his cock a hard tug, causing him to groan.

“Shit” you whimper, playing with your nipples, “Please”

He groans again, lean down to kiss you softly on the lips “How can I refuse when you ask so nicely?” he climbs between your legs, spreading your thighs wider, as he grips his cock firmly in his hands.

He rubs the tip of his cock against your folds, pressing it against your aching entrance, slowly pushing inside you.

“Fuck,” you gasped, staring down at where you bodies began to join, you both moan when he bottoms out and you immediately clench around him.

“Y/N…...” San gasps, “Fucking hell, this is better than I could have imagined. You’re so fucking tight” his hands move to your hips, holding you close as he starts to slowly thrust into you, feeling the wet heat surround him.

“Mmmmm, damn that feels good” you arch your back, nails raking down his back, causing him to hiss.

“You like that, like how my cock is making you feel?” he grunts between thrusts. “Your brother is going to kill me if he finds out about this”

“Can we please not talk about Wooyoung whilst you’re balls deep inside me” you grumble, only to gasp when he thrusts sharply into you with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry baby” his hips move faster and harder as he leans closer to you, kissing you deeply. Your breathing came sharper, the pressure building as you squirm beneath him.

“You gonna come for me, baby?” his voice a low growl in your ear, that sent goosebumps along your body.

You whimper, walls pulsating around his cock “Yes, I’m so close!”

“Me too. Come on beautiful let me feel you cum on my cock.” his voice is strained with desire, his body pins you against the mattress, his rhythm becoming more feral.

You gasp sharply, waves of pleasure coursing though you, you moan his name over and over in breathless tones as you cling to him.

He thrusts into you deeply one final time, groaning as he can feel his release building. And then with a powerful surge, he spurts his seed inside you, your pussy milking every drop.

A few moments later, your breathing finally returns to normal, the room falls into a quiet stillness. You blink up at the ceiling, feeling the lingering heat between your bodies.

You glance over at San, his chest still heaving, a dopey smile spreading across his flushed face. His dark hair is damp and messy, strands clinging to his forehead, and his eyes gleam with a softness.

He looks almost boyish, his lips still slightly swollen from the way they’d kissed you like you were the air he needed to breathe.

Without a word, he pulls you closer, his arms wrapping around you, strong and possessive.

His skin is warm, sticky against yours, but you don’t mind. You can feel the steady thump of his heart, and you let yourself rest against his chest, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to steady your thoughts.

“We should probably talk about this,” San murmurs, his voice low and rough, his breath fanning over the top of your head.

Your stomach tightens at the sound, the reality of what just happened slowly sinking in. You nod, too exhausted to respond with words just yet.

He shifts slightly, his thumb grazing your bare shoulder in a soft, almost absent-minded caress that sends a shiver down your spine. The intimacy of it, the way his touch lingers even now, after everything… it feels like it’s binding you to him in a way you hadn’t expected.

"This wasn’t a one-time thing for me," you finally manage, your voice barely above a whisper. Your fingers trace a light pattern across his chest, feeling the tension there, the way he holds his breath as if he’s waiting for your words to sink in.

His body tenses beneath you, but then he relaxes, a small sigh escaping his lips. “Me neither.” His hand slides up your back, fingers weaving through your hair, and he tilts your chin up so you’re forced to meet his gaze.

“How do we go about telling your brother?” His lips twitch into a small, teasing smile, but there’s an edge to his voice, a seriousness that tells you this question is more than just a passing concern.

Your stomach flips at the thought, heat creeping into your cheeks as you imagine the fallout, the weight of what this could mean. But San’s thumb brushes your lower lip, soft and reassuring, grounding you in this moment, in him.

“We’ll figure it out,” you murmur, leaning into his touch, your heart hammering harder than it should.

And somehow, even though everything feels so complicated, tangled in a mess of emotions and unspoken words, when he presses his lips to yours again, it feels like the only thing that makes sense.

---

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