Choi Soobin X Reader - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ huge hearts and 52-hertz.

Regretting what had led you to this point in your life: you reach out to the one person you know would understand you and what you’d lost.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 4k ✧ angst , fluff , choi soobin x reader

There was a split second before the feeling caught the memory— a small haven of neutrality that was quickly followed by a headlong crash into recognition.

The crashing of the waves in front of you served as some sort of comfort, the moonlight bouncing off of the waters simultaneously reflecting the light in your heart as you waited anxiously with bated breath.

The light of hope that he would come to see you, despite the severed ties.

Your mind pulls him to the foreground like a snapped rubber band and you find yourself combing through all the memories you could gather as if they were slipping through your fingers with the passage of time.

And you think of the line he drew in the sand, both figuratively and literally.

The first time you had walked the beach together, there were things written in the sand. Things that you’ve since forgotten over the years but the memory of how your heart seemed to jump never wavered.

Now there was a line drawn that you can't seem to put a foot past, no matter how hard your mind tells you to fight against it.

Instead, you sat on the same beach you shared many memories on prior and found yourself tracing hearts in the sand yourself, only for them to be washed away by the waves that brush against your feet.

The night was just as cold as the water and you shivered slightly, pulling your knees closer to you. After the hearts were washed away for the third time, you decided to give up on them.

Did you ever give up on him? If you did, surely you wouldn’t be sitting where you were.

That line he drew like a tripwire, you found yourself afraid of the damage but you knew you couldn’t keep standing still as you watched the distance between you grow further and further.

The urgency in your voice must have been hard for him to miss because it wasn’t long until you heard the shuffle of footsteps in the sand and felt it being kicked up behind you.

The air was tense but you didn’t need to question who it was because the warmth of his heavy coat being placed on your shoulders and his familiar scent was answer enough.

And the world falls away and you're exactly where you were on the last night you saw him, when he had his hands in your hair and his chin on top of your head as he hugged you and he never said a word about leaving.

The silence then was much more comfortable than it is now.

“It’s a little late for a walk on the beach.” Finally breaking the silence, you didn’t bother to look as he sat down next to you. The distance between you felt excruciatingly farther than it had ever been before.

“Haha,” your voice was laced with sarcasm yet he still gave you a tight lipped smile.

It took everything in you to claw against the instinct to turn and look at him, knowing that the tenderness in his eyes alone would bring you to tears.

“You look different,” his awkward attempt to break the silence made you laugh and you rolled your eyes.

You knew that Soobin wasn’t usually one for emotional talks so his presence alone was enough to warm your heart.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel things, but he preferred to stick to his own devices when dealing with his emotions.

He was very unlike you. Maybe that’s why things ended up how they did.

“You look pretty.” You were quick to swallow the lump in your throat and take in a deep breath, that familiar jump in your heart seemed to take the helm.

“How have you been?” Your voice came out quiet and defeated, for the first time in months, Soobin couldn’t pretend that he didn’t understand why.

It was difficult to be in a relationship and watch your partner go further and further in their own life while you felt stuck. The fact that time could never slow down for you— never afford you one moment of peace together where you didn’t have to worry about falling behind.

His heart broke for you.

“I’ve been… alright. Schedules keep me busy.” It seemed like he was proceeding with caution, almost as if he was scared his words would break you.

You laughed.

“You don’t have to hold back, I’m fine. I can afford to be sad without wanting to end it all, you know?”

The sigh of relief he let out didn’t slip past you and you shook your head, looking down at the sand. Stuck together through the wetness of the water but ultimately, it would be torn apart and washed away regardless.

“I’m glad.. you’re okay. I’m fine, too. I was just worried about you. We haven’t talked in a while and it’s really late to be out at night. You should be more careful.”

Finally you found it in you to face him. Before you could open your mouth, he continued.

“It’s not your fault we haven’t spoken. It’s mine.”

Your mouth closed and you furrowed your eyebrows together in confusion.

He wasn’t necessarily wrong, you had even felt that way once you realized he had begun to distance himself. There was never once a moment in your mind that you could find to excuse why he had begun to disappear from your life.

It just happened, as it always does.

“How’s the band?” He smiled at you again and suddenly the air felt new again.

“Good, they’re… good. They miss you too, you know. Beomgyu has been giving me absolute hell, talking my ear off. Says he misses his vacation partner more than I miss my ex.”

The word ex hurt to hear directly from him but it couldn’t be helped— that was the proper label for your relationship now. Reality had begun to sunk in and all of the time spent, all of the distance traveled ultimately led to that word.

You weren’t each other’s anymore.

“Yeah.” You let out a deep breath and turned back toward the waters, they seemed much calmer now.

“I’d give anything to be stuck on a plane with Gyu for a few hours again.”

Soobin raised an eyebrow at you and leaned back, his hands propped up behind him in the sand. “He’d just be asleep. It’d be a ride full of snoring.”

You shrugged.

“It’s the time spent together that matters.” He only hummed in response.

The two of you sat in each other’s presence for the first time in months, the first time without the lingering question of ‘what are we?’ hanging over your heads and just existed.

It was nice, until it wasn’t.

“How are you really, Y/N?”

The same way the memories of him and your relationship were tossed at you the moment your feet touched the sand, it felt like that rubber band inside of you had snapped again as you felt your eyes well up with tears.

You were quick to blink them away but Soobin had noticed the change of your breathing pattern and frowned.

“I swear I’m okay—”

“I didn’t say you weren’t.”

Frustration bubbled in you before you remembered that you had brought this upon yourself. The fact of the matter was, you wanted to tell him.

That small light of hope inside of you wanted to tell him how your life was going as you’d done hundreds of times before, and you found yourself praying that he’d hold you in his arms the same way he had before.

“I could sit here for hours, and detail every single worry and anxiety that I’ve had all throughout my life. I could go through every second of my life, and remember exactly where I felt what emotion, but no matter how in-depth I go I still feel like no one will ever truly understand me.”

The sudden confession had him sitting up and shifting his body to face you fully, a sign to show you that he was listening.

The small smile that spread on your face made his own heart skip a beat. You appreciated his efforts.

“I know that that sounds… super corny or that I’m trying to be mysterious but at the end of the day, I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand you and what you go through as much as you can understand yourself, you know?”

“Getting close to that feeling of understanding is very hard and… sometimes it feels completely impossible but when I’m with you, I find that I don’t have to worry about feeling understood. I just am.”

The urge to cry seemed to overtake you and a tear managed to slip past your defenses as you cleared your throat, straightening your posture with a deep breath.

Soobin’s hand twitched at his side as he debated on grabbing yours to comfort you.

The last thing he wanted was to give you any false hope, so he didn’t.

“And I know that you don’t like when people cry in front of you and you’re probably gonna make fun of me. You’re probably going to laugh but I think… I need to hear your laugh..? Just to serve as some strange reminder that you still exist.”

If it weren’t for your shaky breaths and confession, there was always a small chance that he couldn’t tell you were crying.

But when you turned to face him once more and the streaks on your cheeks were revealed by the moonlight, it was unavoidable.

“I exist.”

All he could do was echo the words back to you as you smiled.

Despite what the rational part of his mind was telling him from before, he found himself ready to reach out and grab your hand.

He only stopped when you had already brought yourself to hold his.

“I guess with time, I realized that you helped me deconstruct whatever weird, hatred and bitterness I had towards the world and slowly, without me even realizing it— you replaced it with love.”

During the course of your relationship, Soobin had learned everything there was to learn about you. The same was true for you, as well.

When you spend so many years together, completely inseparable, the slips of truth and peeks into your soul were inevitable.

To know someone so intimately, to become one and the same.

“I always felt like when you’d kiss me, whatever sickness was in me slowly washed away and all I felt was sweetness.”

The noisy song of cicadas served to fill the silence as you took the time to catch your breath.

There were a few thoughts running through Soobin’s mind and as he did his best to follow the thread you had given him to somehow find out what conclusion you were trying to reach, he found himself resonating with anything you said.

Maybe his love for you could make anything you say sound reasonable.

“I found myself wondering if I’d be able to keep that sweetness in me without you, or if I’d just become bitter all over again.”

Your voice wavered a bit with the hesitancy to be honest, as if you were somehow admitting to a crime.

Soobin found that sentiment ridiculous. You weren’t guilty of anything, you were just in love.

“That sweetness wasn’t from me, it was always in you.”

Maybe it was the night getting to you as your eyelids began to grow heavy, puffy and welled with tears you still fought to hold back despite your newfound exhaustion.

The gentleness in his voice, always prominent when he was with you.

“I know. I know that now,”

“And I know that everything is over, so saying that probably sounds cringey now, but it’s still true.”

“It’s not, I feel the same way.” When you locked eyes his smile wasn’t held back.

There was no hesitation in his voice and the worry seemed to melt away, all he held was that same look of pure love and adoration he always had.

And you love the way he looks at you. Shy and half-cocked as though he was caught off guard by your words, as if he was worried that the time had somehow erased all that you felt and this sudden reassurance was exactly what he needed.

You couldn’t help but smile too as you stared into his eyes. Neither of you could look away, you searching his face as if you could see his thoughts. As if he was retracing his steps to remember all the ways to make you smile.

Soobin had always said you reminded him of the sea and attached you to a metaphor you had never heard before, when you thought you must have heard them all.

The same way that he had become your forest, you had become his sea.

You wondered if someone had broke his heart once and since then he couldn’t bear to be apart from the ocean.

You realized now that it was just how things were meant to be for the two of you. A bit of foreshadowing. The truth that the sea and the forest were much too different to exist together.

The strangest thing was how the smallest things could wreck a ship— like a rock, or a wave, or a hairline crack in the hull.

He’d call you his sea and stars and he would say it tenderly as he traced circles into your skin, as though you could sink him.

“I can’t say that I’m glad it’s over because that wouldn’t be true. I would just be lying to you and I was never really good at that in the first place.”

The sincerity in his voice confirmed what you were afraid of— he still loved you as much as you had him.

“I love you. That love will always be apart of me.”

Everything felt unfair in that moment. The way that happiness always seemed just out of reach— the unbearable yet undeniable fact that you were completely and irrevocably in love with each other in every single way.

But life moves on.

“I wanted to be connected to you forever so I guess even though I feel angry now, I’m grateful I got to feel that way at one point in time.” Still hushed, your voice was much more firm now.

Maybe the new rush of confidence was from how final these moments felt.

Finally being with each other after so much time spent apart, it felt like the only opportunity you had left to say everything you could before he was inevitably whisked away to bigger things.

“Right person, wrong time. Huh?”

He flashed you a sad smile and you scoffed, pushing his shoulder in a teasing way as he dodged you, shuffling closer.

Your heart skipped again.

“You’re kind of a jerk for saying that when you know that I hate when people use that as an excuse for things,” you sighed.

“But I guess it’s kind of true in our case...”

The silence took over again as he continued to study your face. Marks and features he once knew like the back of his hand he was now studying all over again as if it was the first time.

“Sometimes I wonder if whales feel anger as much as they feel grief.”

This time, it was his turn to give you a confused look.

“Whales?”

You nodded and found yourself focusing on the distant sound of a plane passing by overhead.

“It’s well known that whales experience emotions just as deeply as humans. There was a story about a whale whose child died and it traveled throughout the sea, carrying its corpse with it.”

Soobin grimaced at the idea but continued to listen, simply for the fact that it was you.

“I guess I can’t really blame it… because even though it’s a pretty morbid idea that most humans probably couldn’t even fathom, at the end of the day, none of us really know how to process those emotions and sometimes we do things that are completely illogical to other people just to find a way to cope.”

“It’s the same way that things like religion seem completely nonsensical to people who don’t believe in them because at the end of the day we’re all grasping for something to believe in to keep us going. Some people are perfectly content never finding that… I want to be one of those people. Perfectly content, I mean.”

He stared down at your hands, your grip on his slowly loosening. It wasn’t until he realized this and rushed to lock his fingers with yours that you looked back at him.

“…I think I don’t wanna have to worry about anything. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like if I was just drifting away at sea, with no thoughts, and no worries. If I was completely alone and enveloped in the water and the waves, where the only thing that I could see for miles was the stars.”

Throughout your life, there was the constant knowledge of having a self, a heavy burden.

In everything there was a reminder: existence is immutable.

This reminder, with time, became more and more suffocating as you spent your years alone.

Burying yourself into school and work, all the way into adulthood to avoid the complete destruction that comes from existing.

Adulting and the weight on your shoulders that grew with the passage of time.

“But even though I want that I think at the end the day, I’d still miss you which is pretty scary.”

This existential loneliness and the desire to not exist was present in everyone’s life at some point and it could become overwhelming and almost unbearable.

You found, only in existing with other people could it become a bit more bearable.

Maybe running to other people for help was the easiest thing to do, or maybe it was what you needed to do to stay afloat.

After so many years of being alone, it was just nice to have someone to listen.

“You don’t have to miss me, I’m right here.”

“I’ll always be right here, even when you’re surrounded by the sea or the stars I’ll always come and find you.”

Always here, at the same place you had fallen in love.

Understanding him and the warmth that came from his reassurance didn’t help you stifle the giggle that you let out.

“You know that sounds pretty romantic when you say it, even though the conversation topic is pretty morbid.”

Now, he chuckled. “Nothing is ever really conventional with you though, is it?”

That was one of the things he found himself adoring about you and he would admit it a million times if you had asked him to.

Your mind was one of, if not, the most fascinating.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, something about whales helps me feel more. Maybe that’s why I’m here—“

Besides the beach being a special place for the two of you and your relationship.

“Maybe it’s their songs, even if I can't understand them... though, sometimes they can't even understand their own.”

“What do you mean?”

As he shuffled closer for the second time, the gap between you was officially closed. The closeness reminded you of the first time he had kissed you, nervous and stumbling. It was sweet.

You found yourself pulling your hand away from his.

A part of him felt dejected at that but it was quickly washed away as he watched you raise your hands and pull his coat tighter around you.

He smiled again.

“There’s this story about a whale that traveled throughout the sea, all by itself, crying and wailing and no one ever found it. No whales ever found it because the vibrations were too low that they couldn’t understand and so the Navy had heard it, but they couldn’t find it themselves. And then eventually… it stopped.”

The ending didn’t seem to satisfy him as he raised an eyebrow towards you, urging you to continue.

“What happened to it?”

“Soobin,”

You looked over at him and in that moment of silence, there was a mutual understanding.

“…Oh.”

Burying yourself into his coat more, you found yourself wondering if he was cold as well. Not that he showed it.

“…Anyway, he was probably was roaming all by himself and died alone because no one ever came to help him.”

Soobin brought his hand to rub his arm and you realized that he was, in fact, cold.

Bringing his eyes back from the water for only a moment, he caught you staring and gave you a small smile again.

You never understood how he could be so comforting in moments like this.

“I know that story is really depressing but when you think about it, I think we’re all a little like that. At the end of the day when you’re going through these things alone, no one else will really know.”

“I don’t want you to go through things alone.”

You frowned, “I know you don’t.”

“It’s not their fault that they can’t hear or understand but on occasion, sometimes there will be someone who can hear it… and they’ll try their best to come.”

He felt heat rise to his cheeks and for a moment he felt bashful, as if he was somehow caught in an embarrassing situation.

“I think you did that for me, because you’re here— and you’re here because you heard me…”

After a few moments of Soobin thinking your words over in an attempt to find the perfect response, you finally pushed yourself to stand up.

His coat fell off of your shoulders as you brushed the sand off of yourself.

Soobin scrambled to his feet, picking up his coat and you smiled at him.

As the two of you stood, you anxiously stared down at your feet in the sand as he brushed the sand off of his coat.

Without anymore words, you found yourself clinging to him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

He stumbled back a bit in surprise but was quick to wrap his arms back around you, dropping the coat, long forgotten, onto the ground.

The waves seemed to pick up again, washing up on the shore once more as the cold temperature hit the both of you.

Neither of you seemed to mind.

“Thank you for coming.” Your voice was barely above a whisper now as you spoke into his ear.

He placed his hand gently on the back of your head, holding you close.

And when he touched you back, you felt a lifetime of indifference—of apathy melt away in that single moment.

And you ached for him.

His touch was the never ending reminder that you would bleed for him until the day he is gone. And you will continue to bleed for him every day after that.

The time will always pass and you will feel robbed— and you will grow bitter. But the memories will always be so, so sweet.

“Thank you for calling.”

The rest of the night was spent speaking in hushed tones as if the rest of the world was somehow listening in on the two of you.

Secret moments that you would remember for the rest of your days spent with the man who had showed you what your heart was worth.

What you didn’t tell Soobin that night was that during the Navy’s ten day search, a new 52-hertz frequency sound was found. The same sound, from two different locations.

Two different whales traveling through the sea, singing the same song of anguish.

Despite never finding each other, it’s possible that they heard each other singing this song only they could understand.

And although they were lonely, they were never truly alone.

Even in the seemingly endless ocean, it seemed possible for life to evolve towards connection.

The story you would always go back to when you remembered your love for him. The love that you would always hold.

Your past is what made you, because what happened then is how you got to where you are now. Good or bad, it's still apart of you.

In the end, Soobin would always be a part of you.

Everything he had shown you in your time together. And even though it was over now, you would treasure it forever.

The calming feeling that he had given you, like a gift. The comfort that the immediacy of your existence doesn’t have to define you, in that moment where the two of you simply existed with each other.

Everything was in a constant state of becoming, people would grow and change apart from each other in a variety of ways. But in the end, the love that once was will always remain.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ To All The Boys.

Chronicles of the crumpled pages of poetry detailing past attempts at love can be found in the trash of your bedroom where you’re not a woman, but a girl instead. Through all the desperate yearning for love, only one flame was strong enough to make it out.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 2k ✧ angst , fluff , txt ot5 x reader

Dear Huening Kai,

I’m not really sure how to start this letter. I hope this finds you well seems devastatingly distant and cold, like I’m writing a business letter. I never wrote you a letter before, everything that we shared had been in the form of hushed whispers in the back of the classroom. Notes, surely I had written hundreds through the years. Eventually though, your desk no longer belonged to you and my notes found their place in the trash.

The final note, just as short as all the others had three words. I’m sure that you can guess what they were. My hands were clammy and the lettering was shaky but even still, I held that note close to my heart. I waited much longer than I should have— after the first week it should have been obvious that you weren’t returning to our sacred corner of the world.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this now after having crumpled that note away, hidden away inside of that class binder you’d scribbled on. The doodles made the both of us laugh in the moment but looking at them now just makes me miss our schooldays.

Anyways, these are the things that I want for you that I never got to tell you.

I want you to be happy. I want someone to know the warmth of your smile and to feel the way I did when I was in your presence. I’m sure you haven’t thought of me at all since you left but you saved my life back then by being my friend. I hope that I could have made you as happy as you made me.

When school was absolutely dreadful, we found each other. When everyone picked me last, you had always sought me out first. Maybe that’s why I believed you were the first boy I ever loved.

I want you to know how happy you made my years and though your leaving really did hurt me, in the end, I was better for it. I don't know if what we had was just puppy love, but if it wasn't, then I hope to never to fall deeper in love than I was with you.

Because of you, I know I’m too fragile to bear it.

My love has abandoned me, do with that what you will.

Love,

From, Y/N.

Dear Kang Taehyun,

Do you remember our first day? When I first saw you I was convinced you would be the romantic lead to finally convince me to take another chance at love. When we first spoke, I quickly came to realize that you weren’t— you were yourself and somehow, that was worse. Because I loved you more than any idealized version of you I had ever known.

Anyways, that first night the fog lifted and all around us were trees linking hands, like children playing. It reminded me of a boy I had known in my youth and suddenly I was 16 years old again desperately holding my feelings to my chest, afraid to speak as if the moment would slip away once more.

And somewhere along the way, messy confessions of admiration written on ripped out binder paper became carefully lettered confessions on parchment paper, sealed beautifully with wax only to never be opened.

Our first night, when you stood by the door, conflicted, as I sat there with my knees tucked under my chin, smiling. Then through the window, over the horizon was the most beautiful sunsets I had ever seen. Soon, your breath was on my neck as compliments spilled from your lips in a whisper. When I shied away from your touch, the first boy to touch me, you told me I looked lovely and for the first time in my life: I had felt it.

I sometimes think about the fragility of glass— ofbroken shards tearing against soft skin. The prickly feeling of tears as you’d stare down at the red glossy blood beginning to seep out.

It was almost painful how you respected me— how you accepted my rejections with a gentle smile.

And in truth, it is the transparency of the glass that kills you. The pain of seeing through to something you can never quite touch and the sting that followed after.

Your arms around my waist, the cold wind coming through the window howled as the sea whispered with the scent of sea salt filling the room. That night had felt so intimate and special to me, how welcoming you had been to my fear.

When the morning came, you were off and the sea continued to whisper your name.

Come back to me.

Love

From, Y/N.

Dear Choi Beomgyu,

I gave you the best of me— the year, the days, the hours. Precious little, in turn you’d given, like nutrients for a wilting flower. A last minute attempt at nurturing a broken heart. It had worked for the time. For that, I’m grateful.

I never said those three words to you— I wasn’t sure if I would be able to bring myself to. For anytime I had gotten close— to this idea of love— it had slipped away just beyond my reach.

I want you to remember my lips beneath your fingers and how you told me things you never told another soul.

Always the mood maker on camera, those glimpses into your soul that you had provided me were more special than you could have ever imagined.

Every moment between us had been captured with your camera. Now, I can’t recall if I had ever looked into your eyes without that thing in my face. For the sake of the memories, I let you have it. How dearly you loved that camera, I eventually hoped that could be me.

And those rare moments without it, on the quiet hood of your car as we sat looking up toward the sky were the ones I would remember forever. How you traced circles into my back as effortlessly as you would change the camera’s lens.

And my heart would skip at the thought that you were maybe, just maybe, beginning to know every inch of me as much as you knew that camera.

I want you to know that I have kept sacred everything you had entrusted in me and I always will.

Now I do wonder if there will be a morning when you'll wake up missing me as much as I missed miss you. I guiltily found myself hoping that some incident in your life would have finally taught you the value of my worth, that some poor girl much stronger than me would say the words that I longed to and mean it for the moment— only to break your heart in the end.

And you would feel a surge of longing, when you remember how I was good to you.

If that day ever comes then I hope you will look for me. I hope you will look with the kind of conviction that you’d always shown me, searching for me in every passing face.

Because I want to be found again. And I hope it’s you and the secrets you shared who find me.

Love

From, Y/N.

Dear Choi Soobin,

Have you forgotten me?

Please tell me what you've heard, in passing between mutual friends’ gatherings and in memories dug up by algorithms beyond your control.

I guard your memory jealously because with you I'd placed my worth. Because after losing so much— you seemed so perfect. I was ready to give it all up. Everything.

I was officially half out of my mind with love.

And I didn't think twice about what I was throwing into the fire, as long as I could keep it burning for just another minute— if only I was allowed to sit awhile longer beside its pale glow with my head on your shoulder while your gentle hums lured me to sleep.

That was how I loved you in the end. With my body cold and shuddering, empty hands over smoldering ash, counting out the minutes for your return.

And eventually, like all the love before, I had to realize that you weren’t coming back.

There I sat by the sad pile of ash only accompanied by a lukewarm, bitter tasting beer. You had complained that my wine was much too sharp.

Even with you gone I found myself trying to cater towards your taste. Yet despite the arguments we would have, mostly at my own fault, I prayed for the moments you would come back and drag me back home with you.

You showed me the particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something so deeply that you end up burning yourself too close to the flame. A tender sacrifice.

Like bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina, it was in every considered step I took in the opposite direction of you.

If I ever felt like home to you, it was because you were safe with me. I want you to know that most of all.

Maybe in another time, I could have been your home. I don’t know anymore.

Love

From, Y/N.

Dear Choi Yeonjun,

It was in you that I had found everything I ever loved before and more, all at once.

Everything I had lost returned to me once more as if to remind me of what I would never have. Or maybe you were sent to give me hope again.

It was in the pained silence, comparable only to the lost song of a mermaid, I had come to terms with the fact that it was the first option.

At the place where you found me, under the half-moon and its half-light of the park. You said, if only you had met me there that night. Maybe we could have found our way. If we had met later on as more developed versions of ourselves, we could have stood a chance.

And I laughed, with no humor at all. Because at our age, it felt I had no more time to wait.

I learned something about sadness after that day, you ruffling my hair to comfort me before walking away without a goodbye or see you soon.

You showed me insanity like an open window, seven storeys high as I stared to the ground far below, teetering on the edge. And it was just as terrible and as beautiful as you and I.

Because I loved you— and I had finally said it, after so many years of chasing. I admitted to you: you were my everything.

With your arm around my shoulder as you entertained a group of people I couldn’t bother to remember the names of, I found myself looking up at you with pure adoration.

Suave and cool, you seemed to be everything love had told me I needed. Because with you, I was revered as well. Even to everyone around you: to be loved by you, I must have been special.

When your face fell at my confession, guilt evident on your face— I came to realize I must not have been special enough.

And you said pure bliss was a storm cloud, just before the rain would burst into the night sky, like a thousand aquatic stars-and not one single moment before.

And you were right. You were right about it all.

Love

From, Y/N.

Dear, ▇▇▇▇

There were letters that I had wrote you that I gave up sending, long before I stopped writing. I don't remember their contents, but I can recall with absolute clarity, your name scrawled across the pages.

I could never quite contain you to those messy sheets of ink. I couldn’t stop you from overtaking everything else, writing for hours on end only to feel overwhelmed all over again at the building tower of papers in the trash.

Because any other letters written to all the boys I had loved before were never quite as visceral as yours.

I wrote your name over and over— on torn scraps of paper, on binders and on the back of my wrists. On mirrors as I stared back at myself, eyes puffy and wide with tears.

And I carved it like sacred markings into trees and thought of adding my own, only to realize how utterly and pathetically in love I must have seemed.

Passersby in the park would smile and whisper behind their hands: how beautiful was a girl in love?

To have carved your name into the trees and the tops of tabletops, you must have been so incredibly special. How lucky you were to be loved by me, they must have thought.

Sometimes when I read a book, parts will lift from the pages in an anagram of your name. The words on the page would move themselves around, shuffling in some twisted dance to fade into you. Like a code to remind me it's not over. It was never over.

And in the end, I find myself returning to you. Only you. In this first letter: the one that I’ll finally send, I’m lending my heart to you in hopes you’ll return to me.

Because as I was, and as I am— as I will always be,

I am completely and utterly yours.

And so I am sending this: baring my soul and heart to you. It has been beaten and bruised after all this time.

All I can hope is that you can learn to become very, very careful with this fragile heart. And in turn I will reflect all of the pain I have experienced throughout these years onto you, as it has been purified into this new form of love.

I’ll be waiting at our spot. Come find me.

Love, your Y/N.

Happy 5 year anniversary, my TXT. ♥︎

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ Café au lait.

A new face visiting your favorite café haunts you for days afterward as you imagine what could have been if you’d said anything. Little did you know that he was experiencing just the same.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 2k ✧ fluff

There was this man who drove you crazy— a man that you knew absolutely nothing about aside from the way his eyes widened behind the rims of his glasses and the dimples he had when he smiled at you.

This man who drove you absolutely mad, to think he saw you— as his eyes passed over you and if only there had been some small mishap in that pivotal moment.

A spilled drink, a stumble through the door—his hand reaching out to steady you and it would have happened.

In the perfect world in your mind, it happened.

And in this perfect world, a whole new world would have opened up like a vortex to swallow you both into blissful delirium. The smile he gave you would be one of pure love and in that moment, in his mind, everything had clicked— you were the one he could never let get away.

But that didn’t happen. Instead, you turned away, out of shyness or indecision and by the time you turned back to stutter out an introduction, he was gone.

The first and only time you had ran into him, you were in a rush to leave carrying a tray of drinks for you and your friend as your phone continued to buzz in your pocket with questions of your whereabouts.

Barely holding onto the tray in your arms, one side tucked under your chin for extra protection you reached into your pocket to check the screen.

(11:35 AM) Na-gyung ♡: Tourney starting soon!!

There, stumbling about in frustration as you attempted to unlock your phone, you failed to realize the tall figure walking directly towards you.

Instead of the two of you walking into each other and causing a head-on collision outside of this quiet cafe, the worker behind the counter quickly took notice of the impending incident and cheerfully called out a warning.

The two of you looked up from your phones, startled and locked eyes standing right in front of each other.

His eyes cast down towards you and he gave you a small smile, weaving around you with a quick apology as he made his way to the counter to place his order.

His eyes kind behind thick rimmed glasses, you somehow had decided in that moment that those eyes were the ones that you wanted to wake up to every morning.

How ridiculous you were to believe in love at first sight.

Unlike him, you stood for a moment mentally cursing at yourself for almost running into him. And then mentally screaming at yourself for how attractive you found him.

Berating yourself for how desperately you wished that worker was instead focusing on the bubbling foam in their hands rather than the chime of the bell.

Later that day, you tried to explain the encounter to Na-gyung as she gave you a small laugh and a dismissive wave of her hand while reaching for her coffee.

“Sounds like you missed your ideal man… sorry! That’s a bummer, Y/N. But hey, at least you have your café au lait.”

There was no way to explain it without sounding completely unsound, you were sure of that as she put her headphones back over her head with a laugh and straightened her back, focusing her energy to the game she was playing for.

Too distracted by the man you had seen then, you sat back and watched the colors flashing on her monitor, mind drowning out the chatter around the both of you.

There was no way to explain it and yet, it was all you thought about.

That click you felt when your eyes met his, like the switch of a train track, transporting you for one miraculous moment, to what could have been.

Even though the ride to the convention hall had you drowning in imaginary scenarios with this man you knew nothing about, wondering if it was some sort of cosmic sign— reality was quick to intervene and with a shake of your head, you told yourself to stop chasing shadows.

Thoughts of him popped up every now and then, passing faces on the street that seemed the slightest bit familiar had you turning back.

You wondered if he had thought about you too, conveniently giving yourself an excuse to wonder about him more.

Giving yourself the benefit of the doubt and allowing yourself to imagine that this stranger had fallen as deeply into you as you had him.

You were sure what you felt was real— and you found yourself subconsciously always listening for that click.

Imagining it was the sound of your fate beckoning or somehow the voice of your destiny.

Eventually, you decided that it sometimes would only call once.

Meanwhile, Soobin leaned against the wall of the practice room, doing his best to steady his breathing after the intense choreography the group had to endure.

“Tired already?” Taehyun asked with a slight amusement to his voice. Soobin shot him a glare and he just laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

Yeonjun seemed relieved that their practice was over as he made his way to him, wiping some sweat off of his face.

“You’re not too tired to go out, are you?”

Soobin shot him a look as if to ask if he was insane, his heart beating out of his chest. The five of them had been practicing almost everyday between any scheduled appearances or meetings that they had, barely affording them any time to go out.

Normally, Soobin didn’t mind being busy as much using their fans as a source of encouragement or energy but these days he found himself growing a bit resentful at this busy schedule.

Not for any particular distaste for his job, he was forever grateful to be where he was and do something he was so passionate about.

It was because of you.

Whoever you were, that was. He’s seen thousands of faces, some more memorable than others but none as indelible as you.

The split second that he saw you, the bell chiming behind him as you both froze in front of each other at the call of caution.

The brief eye contact and the way your eyes widened as he gave you a small, awkward smile.

And though the moment happened in a flash, for him it felt as if time had frozen altogether and in that split second he had memorized every feature of yours a million times over.

He found himself thinking back to you, wanting to see you again for whatever strange reason.

Soobin had gone back to that cafe a few more times after that, never finding you but somehow always feeling as if he had just missed you.

The perpetual motion of a spinning ballerina trapped inside a music box.

The gentle tune of a piano, delicate fingers pressing down on every key.

A complete stranger who had made the most devastating impression on him simply from existing.

You were the zigzag in his straight line, something new thrown into his life to keep him on his toes.

The absence in his direction.

Anytime the bell would chime, any greetings called would fall on deaf ears as his eyes scanned the area only for him to be faced with the slight disappoint.

“Excuse me for asking but— you always seem like you’re looking for someone.” The girl behind the counter said hesitantly as she worked to make his drink.

Soobin looked up from his phone beside the counter, eyebrows raising a bit in surprise.

Then, his cheeks heated up with the embarrassment of being caught in the act of daydreaming.

“Sorry! I wasn’t trying to call you out or anything— actually, there’s this girl that comes here too around the same time so I was just wondering if…”

She paused, focusing on placing the top securely onto the cup.

Soobin opened his mouth to answer before a yelp sounded behind the girl, the boy behind her calling for as he quickly grabbed paper towels from under the counter.

“You— seriously, Jake?! The milk frother again?!”

The girl handed him his drink with a rushed apology behind spinning on her heel and going to help the boy who gave a nervous chuckle, standing back from the mess to let her take over cleaning.

Since then, Soobin had gone back whenever he had the time hoping that it was you.

Overtime, reality began to sink in as he found himself questioning why he had gone back in the first place.

If he saw you, what would he even say?

“Yo! Earth to Soobin,” Yeonjun shoulder checked the taller boy, successfully bringing him out of his fit of disassociation.

Beomgyu snickered, “he’s probably daydreaming again about cafe girl again.”

“Was not—” the defensive tone was clear to all of the guys as they shared knowing glances toward each other and Yeonjun just laughed as Soobin shrunk into himself.

Letting you slip up one day in a conversation with him, Beomgyu hadn’t let him live his infatuation down.

It wasn’t that he thought it was childish— even though they both knew it was, he was simply entertained to see Soobin so passionate about a stranger.

There was a few times Beomgyu had gone himself, searching the patrons for someone who fit Soobin’s description of you but none seemed quite perfect enough.

“Well, whether you were or not… I’m feeling like an iced americano. Why don’t we go to that cafe that you’re definitely not obsessed with?”

“Very smooth, Yeonjun.” Taehyun added.

That was how he found himself walking in, his members trailing behind him like some sort of posse.

The large cafe now felt much smaller and he began to realize just how much attention they had garnered being so close together.

The chime of the bell behind him went unnoticed as he engaged in conversation with his members tiredly, running a hand through his now freshly washed hair.

“I’m not saying that you’re an obsessed loser, what I am saying is—“

“Uh, Soobin—”

“I’m not obsessed, it’s just— actually, no. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Have to? No. Do I want you to? Well, yes!”

“Soobin—”

“I gotta side with Beomgyu on this one, I never thought of you as some hopeless romantic, y’know? Your dedication is definitely cute, though.”

“What? I’m not— it’s not cute, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just—”

“Soobin—!”

Growing annoyed at his older friend’s bickering and blatant ignorance of him, Kai finally nudged Soobin to gain his attention and motioned toward the line they had previously occupied.

Begrudgingly, Soobin’s eyes trailed to where Kai had pointed only to freeze for a split moment.

And all over again, he remembered exactly what you were.

You were every turn taken when racing through a hedge maze, against the setting sun.

You were the tide that came in and out, like the breath of the wounded. The blood that flowed between his heart and head.

The book that was not yet written, the sentence that was not scripted.

You were the words he wished he could have said that day.

There tiredly rubbing your eyes, you gave your order and stepped aside with eyes cast down as you typed away at your phone unaware of the people around you.

Unaware or uninterested, he couldn’t tell. What he could tell was how exhausted you seemed, yet even in that state you were just as distracting as ever.

Maybe it was just because it was you.

And how you were standing there, in front of him. After slipping just out of reach so many times, he was finally looking at you again— and you were so, so beautiful.

All those times he thought about seeing you again, thinking over everything he could say and only coming up empty at the thought of your eyes alone.

Finally in front of him— no longer a sad reflection of a dream once lost, he realized why his heart had sent him to search for you in every street.

He realized he didn’t want to go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back, no matter what you said.

Then, that first day searching for you had arrived and with it, the disappointment. It was so damn hard but the next was harder.

That sinking feeling of disappointment every time he had walked in was gone— it had gotten worse, and he was convinced he wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.

To experience all of this over a stranger, he was sure he had gone completely mad.

To lose you wasn’t an event— it didn’t happen once. It happened over and over again, every time he scanned for you in those walls only to come up with nothing but the lingering scent of your perfume.

He lost you every time his eyes trailed that familiar menu; knowing in his heart his order would never change.

Standing and studying it to buy some time as if that would somehow will you to appear behind him.

Whenever that one song he remembered from that day played on the cafe’s playlist, or when he would hear that bell chime all over again.

To lose you— to lose something that was never his in the first place.

But he wanted you to be. Without any rhyme or reason, he felt like he had to find you and never allow himself to grieve the loss of you again, if you would allow him to.

Always going back to that moment of brief eye contact and that ‘click’ he had heard in the back of his mind, as if all the gears in his heart stopped working— only for that split second.

He lost you every time he thought of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you.

Going to bed at night and wishing the two of you were walking down cobblestone streets instead, wishing you could tell him about your day.

Wishing he knew your name and aspirations, what small habits you had that he would grow to love like he had grew to love the scent of that cafe.

Simply for the fact that your memory— and in turn, you, existed within those walls.

“Order for Y/N?” The familiar voice of that one employee you never seemed to remember the name of— embarrassing, considering how often you had occupied the cafe— rang out and you paused your typing, looking up with a smile only to find someone else had grabbed your drink.

Your eyebrow quirked up in irritation, already exhausted from a long day as your eyes followed to see who dared to grab it out of your reach only for your heart to skip at the sight.

Those same glasses, that same smile.

Now he stood in front of you, holding out your drink of choice with that same small smile he gave you the first time you had ran into each other and you could have sworn you had seen the admiration you only dreamed of.

Maybe you weren’t crazy to believe in love at first sight, or maybe he was just as crazy as you were.

“Café au lait?”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ carnival.

Essentially becoming a shut-in due to your extreme fear of crowds, your friends are determined to take you out and show you how much fun things can be.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 4k ✧ fluff , humor , comfort , txt ot5 x reader

The carnival bursted at the seams with life under the moonlit sky. If your eyes had lost focus for even a moment it would fade into a kaleidoscope of lights over the bustling crowd.

The ambience was almost overwhelming to you, someone who didn’t know the world could be so loud outside of the safety net of your headphones.

Amidst the laughter and music, your group of friends had somehow found you waiting by the entrance pathway awkwardly. And suddenly, the scent of cotton candy and popcorn became the backdrop for your exciting night.

You found yourself anxious for what the night would bring, unaware of just how excited they were as well.

You, who walked the earth freely without your feet ever truly touch the ground. To anyone who passed by it seemed as if you floated by with the wind.

Many hands would reach for you but you, who were completely unaware, remained unanchored.

Belonging to no one, to nothing, to nowhere. Existing only in a world of music, your own little world.

It seemed that you only awarded your attention to people who you thought truly deserved it, so when you had agreed to go to the carnival with the group of boys they’d been ecstatic.

It had been a shock, in all honesty. Not for a lack of interest: you had been friends with them all for a long while, but you weren’t too keen on loud blowout events such as these and instead shied away from them. Your willingness to try and enjoy the night with them had them feeling grateful.

Soobin and Taehyun had been the most understanding initially, preferring much quiet nights in themselves with their own tendency to get annoyed by the recklessness of those around them.

Beomgyu understood but he had brought it up a few times before you had agreed, insisting that he would win you all the prizes on the fairgrounds if you came.

Kai hadn’t pressured you about it all considering he wasn’t a fan of the rides himself, not really wanting to go at all but tagging along to win some new plushies for his collection.

Yeonjun had bugged you, much more often than he would ever admit, but he couldn’t help it seeing as he just needed his best friend to come or the night would have been ruined.

Considering your distaste for these kinds of overwhelming events, you were fairly hard for the boys to make plans with. They were almost always busy doing something so when they did try to spend time together, it was usually doing fun stuff like this.

When they met you though, they were quick to recognize you for what you really were— a free spirit, a wandering star. Hard to pin down.

Yeonjun’s arm fit right on your shoulder like he was made to be there. And Kai’s grip on your sleeve didn’t feel like any extra weight, it somehow felt like an extension of you.

Taehyun’s laugh had become your favorite sound, along with the company of Soobin and Beomgyu’s constant teasing and bickering.

You grew to love your friends, any and all parts of them— you were sure that you would love them always, no matter where you were scattered throughout the galaxy.

And you had showed them what it means to hold something you can never really hold on to, always managing to slip away just in time before their confessions could stumble out.

“Looking good, Y/N! For someone who didn’t want to come you look like you put some effort in for me.”

His arm found its’ home on your shoulder as always, shifting his weight onto your frame and you rolled your eyes.

“For us?” Taehyun emphasized, waving to the other boys who followed.

Yeonjun’s eyes left you as he looked back at them and pouted out his lips with an annoyed look. “Eh.”

Confused, you gently pulled his arm off of you and turned to face him fully, leaning against the fencepost you stood at.

“I didn’t do anything different, you’re delusional.”

“Ignore him, he’s teasing you.” Soobin said before flashing you a small smile, hands placed in his pockets. “You do look nice though, like usual.”

Maybe it was the endless chatter of the people around you or the fact that said people who were rushing past you could probably hear the heartfelt compliments that had you flustered.

“Ah… thank you.”

Beomgyu fake gagged, hitting Soobin’s shoulder. “You guys aren’t subtle at all…”

Kai nodded in agreement. “It’s making me sick and I haven’t even had any cotton candy yet.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened and he quickly waved at Beomgyu, “Eh— yeah and no way you’re gonna!” It was almost like he immediately entered himself as a substitute for their parental figures in that moment.

You found yourself hiding behind your hand as you laughed at his bewildered facial expression.

“Remember the last time? You spewed that junk all over me, I went back home looking like a troll!”

The topic of food had your mind wandering for a moment as you felt your stomach growl. Memories of going to fairs with your family as a child had hit you as you remembered what you used to enjoy before you shut away.

“…I’m kind of craving fried dough, actually.”

Taehyun turned to you, “we should get snacks, then.”

About to accept his offer, you nodded only to be cut off by Kai.

“No way, games and rides first and snacks later.”

Soobin shrugged, “why don’t we just get snacks halfway through the rides?”

Yeonjun let out an annoyed huff at your lack of attention, “yeah, yeah… fine. Let’s go.”

The six of you began making your way in, the colors bursting to life like a technicolor dream. In your opinion, it was all too much but the vibrant tents and swirling rides did pique your interest.

Taehyun snickered from beside you, “worried Beomgyu’s gonna get into a cotton candy coma again, huh?”

Beomgyu almost seemed embarrassed by what he was talking about as he turned to you with an expression of what seemed like mock offense. “It was’t that bad!”

“Tell that to my hair...” Yeonjun grumbled, nudging Soobin to switch places with him at your side.

“Whatever, your hairs fried to hell anyways!” Beomgyu said in a teasing tone.

Soobin gave Yeonjun a smile and instead turned toward you next to him, causing him to pout.

“Hey, why don’t we test our luck at the ring toss?“

You thought about it for a moment, glancing over at the tent to inspect the rewards. “For what? A goldfish?”

He shrugged.

Seeming as you ultimately came up with nothing of value from that tent, you turned your attention to the one next to it and smiled.

“Look, there’s a huge penguin plush. Kai needs it!”

Kai perked up at the mention of himself and looked over to the tent, eyes widening a bit at the size of the prize you were looking at. Despite that, he laughed.

“What? No he doesn’t, he’s practically drowning in th—“ you rolled your eyes at Yeonjun’s arguing.

“Wow, Yeonjun… don’t you want to make Kai happy? What if that penguin plush is the final one he ever gets? What if a meteor hits us right now? And we all die, sad and alone with no penguin to accompany us at our bitter end.”

You moved in front of the group of boys and grabbed Kai’s hand to lead him toward the tent.

“He doesn’t need it, Y/N. There’s a difference between need and want—“

“Okay, mom.” Beomgyu snickered and Yeonjun’s cheeks heated up out of embarrassment. All he wanted was to spend time with you, not do whatever this was.

“I do. I need it, or I’m gonna die.” Kai said, playing along with you. “Sad and alone.”

Putting on a panicked tone, you jumped back and pulled Yeonjun forward, pushing him in front of you as you shoved him toward the booth.

“Yeonjun!! He’s gonna die! Hurry, hurry! To the basketball booth!”

“Yah— Hey! Stop shoving me! And stop being so morbid!”

Next to you, Kai leaned on Yeonjun as he let out a dramatic groan. “Ugh… Y/N I don’t think I have much longer…”

Your eyes widened, “oh, no! Kai?! Nurse!! Nurse—!!”

Finally giving into your shenanigans, Yeonjun couldn’t help but crack a smile as he pushed Kai off of his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. Just stop yapping, you’re gonna get us dragged to the medical tent before Beomgyu even overdoses.”

“I’m not overdosing this time!!” Beomgyu called out behind you three.

When the six of you reach the tent, you wait patiently for the other patrons to leave with their prizes before you stood, motioning for Yeonjun to go. “You’re not gonna try?” He asked.

You laughed, “yeah. No way. Never, actually. Never been good at sports, don’t even wanna try.”

“Y/N… the hoops right there. It’s not even that far of a distance.” Soobin said.

Shooting him a glare, you motioned toward the booth. “Fine then, you try.” He jutted out his lips for a moment as if in deep thought then shrugged, situating himself next to Yeonjun.

The carny handed them their first basketballs before activating the rig, the hoops suddenly moving across the board in front of them.

Kai shot you a look and you shrugged.

Yeonjun was fairly confident that he could get some in, considering that he was arguably the best out of them at basketball.

Even with Soobin’s height, he was sure he could beat him.

Unfortunately for Yeonjun, your cheers of encouragement found him a bit too determined to try hard and impress you and he completely missed each shot, losing to Soobin by one single goal.

One that only fell into the hoop because Yeonjun’s ball had hit it directly into it.

That definitely hurt his ego a bit.

“Ouch! Cringe shot…”

“Thanks, Beomgyu.”

“You’re welcome!”

“So… what was the strategy there? Just wild flinging?” Taehyun asked and Yeonjun just let out a nervous laugh. “I guess I’m just off my game today.”

“Well… guess I’ll die.” You giggled at this and turned to Kai, raising your fist. “We’ll get you one of them later, promise.” He smiled and bumped his fist with yours.

“Plus, it’s not Yeonjun’s fault. Soobin just has such good luck when it comes to games, right?” You asked, following behind them as they started to walk.

“Or I’m just the best!” Soobin called after.

The scent of fried delights and sugary treats was thick in the air once more, the smell of more savory things than sweet making you wonder if you were now approaching the actual food area.

The mechanical whirring of the rides had you raising your voice as you all talked, “what about that?” You called.

They followed your eyes to see a few game machines lined up, you making your way over there.

“She’s doing really well,” Taehyun said happily.

Yeonjun nodded. “She is, isn’t she?”

Standing in front of the carnival games "Whack-a-Mole Madness," you poked at the buttons before realizing you had to enter a quarter.

Embarrassingly enough, before you could scramble around in your bag, Taehyun had come up and inserted a coin for you. You smiled sheepishly and gave him a quick thank you as he nodded, moving to the machine next to you.

“I wanna try,” Beomgyu exclaimed, rushing to the machine on your other side. “Here.” Taehyun reached over you, handing Beomgyu a coin as he thanked him.

The three of you grabbed the foam mallet and the machine began to ding wildly, colors flashing as you were tasked with squashing pesky mechanical moles as they popped up randomly from their burrows.

It was fun for a few moments before you found yourself growing irrationally annoyed at the moles that you kept missing. “Teach them a lesson, Y/N!”

With each successful whack, lights flash, bells ring, and the mole retreats into hiding, only to pop up again in another spot. You were doing fairly well, or so you thought, until you turned to Taehyun to see him expertly wack each one back down with ease.

Your eyes widened a bit, “you’re so good at it?!”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “You think so? Here, I’ll help you—“ Taehyun put down the mallet on his machine as moles began to pop up all over, similarly to yours had while you’d been distracted.

Taehyun moved behind you but before he could grab your hands to show you, the two of you were distracted by a loud dinging sound.

Beomgyu threw the mallet down hard at the machine, whacking every single mole at a feverish speed. The dinging came as the time limit ended and he laughed loudly, throwing the mallet. “HAH! I WON!”

You laughed as he jumped back to the other boys, cheering as Soobin gave him a high five.

“Nice, Beomgyu!”

Satisfied with the bragging rights that come from being crowned the (unofficial) Whack-a-Mole champion of the carnival, Beomgyu kept the smile on his face as he dramatically spun on his heel to face you. “I think you know what this calls for.”

You raised an eyebrow at him but before you could ask, he cut you off. “Cotton candy.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened, almost in horror. “Aw, man…”

Soobin snickered, “it was doomed to happen eventually.”

“Eh, whatever. His body, his choice. You’re gonna be the one giving him a piggy back ride when he complains about his stomach.”

“Nope. Not it. Kai.”

“What?! Why me?”

“Your piggy back rides are the best.” Soobin said in a matter of fact tone.

“So? Don’t sign me up for that.” Kai argued, though everyone was well aware that if anyone actually needed it, he wouldn’t hesitate to pick them up.

“I am a grown man.” Beomgyu said with a straight face.

“With the stomach issues of a teenage girl.” Taehyun added.

Soobin gently tapped you on the shoulder, causing you to turn toward him. The smile he gave you was so sweet, you almost lost your appetite for anything else. “You wanted fried dough, right? I’ll get you some,”

Growing a bit worried at your friends beginning to separate, you grabbed onto his sleeve. “You’re all going?”

He shook his head and laughed, ruffling your hair. “We’ll be back in a few.”

Scrunching your nose up in annoyance, you began to flatten it back down. Kai lingered back as they went off, not wanting to leave you alone.

Grateful for this, you grabbed his hand and gave him a small smile. He gave yours a squeeze in return.

The two of you trailed after the others just a bit to meet in the middle, stopping at a new game booth curiously.

Soon, the others returned to see you and Kai standing side by side, armed with water guns and a shared determination. The look on the two of your faces was priceless as Beomgyu took multiple pictures with an itchy trigger finger.

The two of you were too locked in, bursting as many balloons as possible before the clock eventually ran out.

The colorful balloons bobbing and swaying on the rotating platform, you were determined to make yourself up to the Carnival Gods.

You and Kai raced against each other, trying to outshoot and outscore the other.

When the bell signaled the end of it and the final balloon burst you happily threw the gun back onto the counter and cheered. The memories of your shared fun were cherished long after the last balloon had burst.

“Yeaaah, that’s it Y/N!” You didn’t have to turn to see it was Yeonjun who had always cheered for you. Suddenly you found yourself embarrassed by how freely you expressed your excitement.

Yeonjun stood munching on a churro with a panda plush in his hands that you assumed had been the reasoning for their prolonged return.

Soobin handed you the fried dough and you gave him a quick smile of appreciation before biting into it, the warmth elevating the taste in your mouth.

Turning back to the booth, the carny stood with an expectant look on her face and you felt your face heat up once again.

“Oh! S-Sorry! Um.. prizes, right.”

Your eyes scanned them all, unfortunately not finding the particular animal you were looking for. “Hm…”

“Molang!” Kai called out, pointing to exactly that. A single Molang plush tied up by the wire in the upper corner of the booth. “They’re trapped…” You said breathlessly before motioning towards it. “Yeah! Molang!”

She laughed, pulling out a stepping stool to untie it for you and handed you the giant Molang which immediately found its’ home in Kai’s arms.

The night went along like this, fairly smooth without many slip ups. The occasional bickering between members occurred as usual but it was all in a playful manner. You found yourself feeling eternally grateful that you had come out for this night with them.

Everywhere you looked, there were games of skill and chance, beckoning with promises of prizes and fleeting glory.

In a place where thrill-seekers and romantics alike lost themselves in the magic of the moment, swept away on a whirlwind of adrenaline and wonder: all they could do was focus on you.

It wasn’t as if the group didn’t know of their shared feelings for you, in fact it had become a common topic of conversation in the hangouts they all had in Yeonjun’s room.

They all liked you: that was obvious to everyone but you.

What was even more obvious, though, was the fact that they couldn’t all confess to you. That would be much too overwhelming and confusing so rather than doing that, they all agreed to stay friends with you until they got their own moment.

Even with their feelings for you, they refused to argue over you. Besides some small jealousies here and there, they still loved each other dearly and refused to let any feelings ruin their friendship with their brothers.

Finally, it was time for the rides.

Striding towards the towering roller coaster, a mix of excitement and nervous energy coursed through your veins.

Yeonjun must have noticed and he nudged you, “it’ll be okay.”

You wanted to believe that but seeing how he himself had nervously gulped, you gave him a deadpanned expression and hoped that the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

The line snaked its way through a maze of metal rails, each twist and turn bringing you closer to the heart-pounding thrill—or rather, the fear awaiting at the ride's entrance. The distant screams of riders echo through the air, heightening the adrenaline.

Soobin seemed to pick up on Yeonjun’s inability to comfort you and made his way over from his place beside the line.

“I can sit with you if you want, Y/N. That way you can hold onto me if it gets too much.

The thought of clinging to him, as embarrassing as it was, did seem comforting.

As if clinging to him would somehow keep you grounded hundreds of feet above the ground.

Considering Soobin wasn’t initially going to even get on the ride, you tilted your head slightly. “Are you sure?” He just nodded with that same smile. You found yourself admiring his teeth.

Eventually, it was your turn to climb aboard. Taking your seat in the streamlined car, you felt the unfamiliar click of the safety harness locking into place, securing the two of you for the adventure ahead.

“It’s really not all that scary,” it almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself now and you wanted to laugh.

“You’re already high off the ground so obviously it’s not much for you.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, shooting you a judgmental look. “I’m not that tall.”

You rolled your eyes, “sure.” Beomgyu reached from the car behind you, grabbing onto your shoulders which caused you to jump as you turned back to him.

Half expecting him to make a joke about the situation, something about the railway coming undone or something. Instead he gave you a gentle smile, similar to the one he would give you at the end of a long day. One filled with comfort.

“You got this.” And somehow, you believed him.

The attendants give a final thumbs-up, and with a jolt, the coaster lurched forward, leaving the platform behind. You instantly closed your eyes as you felt a rush of air hit your face and the butterflies overtook your stomach.

As the coaster began its ascent, the world fell away beneath you, the clatter of the tracks drowned out by the pounding of your heart.

“I cannot believe you guys got me on this damn thing.” Finally prying your eyes open, you turned to glare at Soobin finding him already shooting you that goofy smile with those irritatingly cute dimples.

“It’s not our fault you’d do anything for us!” He called out.

With each passing second, you climbed higher and higher, the anticipation building with every foot gained.

“Plus, who would want to miss this view?”

At the peak, you paused for a moment, suspended in mid-air, taking in the breathtaking view spread out before you.

And you wanted to argue back, tell him that you regretted getting on the ride and regretted coming altogether. But you couldn’t because as you looked down at all the neon lights flashing in the darkness and how beautifully they blended together, you realized he was right.

The sight was beautiful, but it was even more beautiful because you were seeing it with them.

The wind rushed past, tugging at your hair and clothes, as you braced yourself for the exhilarating descent.

And then, with a sudden plunge, you were off, hurtling down the steep drop at breakneck speed. Your screams quickly turned into laughs that mixed with the others.

The world blurred around you as the coaster twisted and turned, banking sharply around curves and rocketing through loops.

Despite your fear being overtaken by joy, you still found yourself clinging to Soobin’s arm as you laughed. His face held a strange look of pride and admiration for you— not that you had looked to notice.

The force of gravity had you both pinned you to your seats, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you surrendered yourself to the wild ride.

As the coaster finally screeched to a halt back at the station, you found yourself breathless and exhilarated, a wide grin plastered across your face.

The rush of adrenaline was still coursing through your veins as you and the others stepped off the ride, pumped up and ready to take on whatever thrills the carnival had to offer next.

Approaching the carousel, it greeted you all with the enchanting melody of its whimsical music. You found yourself drawn closer with each playful note.

It was certainly a step down from the roller coaster but you still insisted on going on it. They didn’t bother to argue, just glad you were enjoying yourself.

“This is like going on the zip line and then going straight to the teacups.” Beomgyu commented as you inspected the vibrant carousel horses, each one adorned with intricate details and bright colors.

“Don’t be a hater. I just want to admire their ‘timeless dance’.” You said jokingly as you pointed to them simply moving up and down.

“We can just make a ‘timeless dance’ by ourselves,” he argued, grabbing your hand and you shook your head, pushing him back from you gently with a laugh.

As you all stepped onto the platform, the air was heavy with the scent of freshly painted wood. You chose a random white horse, running your hand along its smooth surface and felt the cool, polished wood beneath your fingertips.

In truth, you mostly wanted to ride the carousel to admire the art of it. It’s true that you had a fear of these dramatic rides but this was the exception, it was something nice and sweet that reminded you of your childhood somehow. It felt nostalgic for all of you as you all climbed aboard.

With a graceful sweep of the floor as everyone lifted their feet to stabilize themselves, the carousel began to spin. The platform beneath your feet started to rotate, and you leaned your head on the pole you clung to, turning to Beomgyu.

“I think I might fall asleep on this thing.” He said.

“Thanks for coming, anyways.”

He paused for a moment at the sincerity in your voice, looking you over as you blinked anticipating his response. “Nah, no way I can sleep now.” He said simply.

“Not when you look at me like that.”

Pausing for a moment as his words hit you, you brushed it off with another laugh as you hid your face in your hands and turned forward to the others conversing as they rode.

Around and around you went, rising and falling in time with the music, the wind whipping past and you found yourself laughing.

The cheerful chime of the carousel's music box almost sounded like a symphony.

You caught glimpses of the carnival unfolding around you: children with sticky fingers were clutching oversized lollipops, couples stealing kisses beneath the twinkling lights, and families laughing and smiling as they shared the magic of the moment.

It made your heart swell as you came to realize exactly what you had been missing and how lucky you were to have friends to help you come out of your shell.

And then, all too soon, the carousel began to slow, bringing your ride to a gentle stop. Slightly disappointed, you furrowed your eyebrows together.

Beomgyu excitedly jumped down and held his hand up for you to grab as you climbed down.

In that moment, a sense of contentment washed over you, lingering like the fading strains of the carousel's music.

With a smile on your face and a skip in your step, you stepped back into the bustling carnival, carrying with you the memories of the ride.

You all stepped into the queue for the Ferris wheel, anticipation hanging thick in the air. The towering structure loomed above, spokes reaching for the sky, promising a bird's-eye view of all the chaos below.

Looking up, you found yourself growing as anxious as you were excited.

“Huh…?” While staring, you realized that the ferris wheel had only seated two people, like the roller coaster.

Unlike the roller coaster though, the seats were separated with quite a distance between each other, meaning that you and whoever you sat with would be alone.

For some reason, your heart jumped at this. The idea of being alone with someone so close.

“There’s only room for two people?” You asked, even though you knew the answer.

Taehyun laughed and nodded, “you didn’t know?”

Frowning, you shrugged. “I thought that maybe it would be one of those big ones that sat everyone…”

He shook his head, “sadly not.”

As you inch closer to the front of the line, the rhythmic clinking of the cars ascending and descending fills your ears.

Standing before the entrance, the worker looked at you expectantly before glancing at the boys behind you.

You turned to face them and they all gave you an encouraging smile, each one as sweet as the one before.

“So, who’s it gonna be?”

[Choice 1: Soobin.] ★ [Choice 2: Yeonjun.] [Choice 3: Beomgyu.] ★ [Choice 4: Taehyun.] [Choice 5: Kai.] ★ [Choice 6: None.]

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ carnival.

Essentially becoming a shut-in due to your extreme fear of crowds, your friends are determined to take you out and show you how much fun things can be.

selected: [ soobin's song ] replay? ✧

જ⁀➴♡ wc 1k ✧ fluff , humor , comfort

As you inch closer to the front of the line, the rhythmic clinking of the cars ascending and descending fills your ears.

Standing before the entrance, the worker looked at you expectantly before glancing at the boys behind you. You turned to face them and they all gave you an encouraging smile, each one as sweet as the one before.

“So, who’s it gonna be?”

Looking at each of them, it felt almost impossible to pick just one. The feeling that everyone was waiting on you made you even more anxious, the idea of annoying the people around you getting your nerves up even more.

“Hey, Y/N it’s fine. Take your time.” Taehyun commented.

The small smile he gave you was enough to have you letting out a sigh of relief, though the beating in your chest was still as fast as ever.

“Um… Soobin!” You said a bit loudly, almost like a cheer.

“I win!” Soobin said causing Yeonjun to roll his eyes with an annoyed huff, watching as he made his way toward you.

The ride attendant quickly got the both of you situated and gave a thumbs up before moving onto the next passengers.

With a lurch, the Ferris wheel began its slow ascent.

As the ferris wheel raised, Soobin sat comfortably, seemingly without a care in the world and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

His calm demeanor was a contrast to everything around you, the excitement of the lights below taking up your attention.

Even though he was introverted, he did so well at huge events like these. You’d almost be jealous if you didn’t admire him so much for it.

Soobin’s eyes were focused on you, your eyes sparkling with the reflection of the colorful carnival.

“What can you see?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” You turned to him, only to find him staring at you with a look that almost seemed like he was lovestruck.

Rather than answering his own question, he looked down and began retracing your footsteps throughout the night over the landscape, as if he was following a map.

In truth, all he could see was remnants of you.

In the gentle sway of the carriage, he nudged you, pointing down toward the carousel the group had previously been on.

From high up, it looked so small yet you could still hear the gentle chimes if you focused hard enough.

And if you closed your eyes, you could still see all the small details on that horse.

“I’m really glad I came with you guys,” you started swept up in the moment.

The lights down below began blur with a magical glow over the shared space.

“I’m glad that you’re here, especially.”

Soobin’s eyes widened a bit behind his glasses as he fixed them with a smile. “Yeah?”

Maybe it was the enchantment of the lights down below or the stars above, but your mind had been yelling at you to come clean to him in the moment.

The scariest part of the moment wasn’t him but how unwaveringly certain you had been in choosing him.

“I like you.” You mumbled, words carried on the breeze between you.

In the moment of vulnerable honesty, he responded with a hum.

“Well, I love you.” His voice was nothing but kind and certain. Your eyes widened, quickly turning to face him in surprise at the sudden confidence.

Soobin laughed, his admission breaking the serene silence as you were carried higher, above the world below, over the rainbow lights.

“You had to one up me?” You asked, nervous if he was joking.

Soobin gave you an almost judgemental look, sensing your apprehension in believing him.

“I'm not asking for a grand declaration of love back. If you just like me a little, that’s fine.”

Embarrassed, you looked away. He smiled, putting his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in closer.

“I'm not asking for promises or tenure, I just want you to know that you’re the hand I reach for at my breaking point.”

In the way he wanted to become your home; you had become his island. A place of solitude he could wander to when seeking comfort.

“I reach for you too,” you started quietly. “I think you’re just better at words than me, but I do love you too..”

“I’m not good at words, at all actually.”

“Dude, you just recited like… some romantic poem or something as a confession!”

Soobin stared off into the distance, lips jutted out slightly in thought before he shrugged.

“Hm? I don’t think it sounded like anything too special, it was just the truth.”

Burying your face into his shoulder, you refused to look at anything else as you sighed.

This made him chuckle again as he began pointing things out to you to get you to look down.

The small sights of couples play fighting and your friends conversing down below somehow calmed your aching nerves.

In truth, it had been to calm the both of you down.

Even if he did a good job at not showing it in the moment, the internal freak out he had on ground in the wake of being picked by you had shook him quite a bit.

Not that he would admit it, the last thing he needed was you making fun of him.

Regardless, the words he had been waiting to tell you for however long had finally been spoken, a wave of contentment washed over him.

Soobin, who would always speak your name with gratitude, knowing it was the mantra of his soul.

Forever grateful to know you in any way you would allow him.

The man who would leave markers for you at every turn so if you had ever gotten lost, you would know where to return to.

Soobin who could find pieces of you in everything that caught his breath.

Somehow, you had never felt more loved than you did at this moment.

“Y/N, you’re special to me in ways that I can’t describe. You are love at its most inexplicable.”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ carnival.

Essentially becoming a shut-in due to your extreme fear of crowds, your friends are determined to take you out and show you how much fun things can be.

path unlocked: [ star song.] replay? ✧

જ⁀➴♡ wc 1k ✧ fluff , humor , comfort

As you inch closer to the front of the line, the rhythmic clinking of the cars ascending and descending fills your ears.

Standing before the entrance, the worker looked at you expectantly before glancing at the boys behind you. You turned to face them and they all gave you an encouraging smile, each one as sweet as the one before.

“So, who’s it gonna be?”

Looking at each of them, it felt almost impossible to pick just one. The feeling that everyone was waiting on you made you even more anxious, the idea of annoying the people around you getting your nerves up even more.

“Hey, Y/N it’s fine. Take your time.” Taehyun commented.

The small smile he gave you was enough to have you letting out a sigh of relief. “I think…”

As they looked at you expectantly, you frowned. There was no way that you could choose just one of them without feeling bad for leaving the others out.

“I think… I-I don’t think I want to go on it anymore.”

Turning to the attendant with an apologetic look, you gave a quick apology before walking away, ushering the boys out of the line.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Yeonjun asked, looking back with a concerned look toward you.

“If you’re too overwhelmed we can head out,” Soobin started.

Shaking your head as the six of you find a place behind a nearby tent, you shook your head. “I’m fine! I’m having fun!”

Kai tilted his head slightly at your tone. It was fairly obvious you had became overwhelmed, even if you refused to admit it.

Your heart was coming down from the anxiety of holding up the line as you looked back at the ride, seeing the couples and families climb aboard.

In truth, you didn’t want to go on it that badly but the embarrassment from not being able to make such a seemingly simple choice had you flustered.

“Why don’t we get out of here anyways?” Taehyun offered.

You gave him a quizzical look, fiddling with the end of your shirt. “Where would we even go?”

Beomgyu shrugged, “why don’t we just go look at the stars?“

The suggestion was simple but it had caught your attention, looking up. All night the carnival seemed to distract from the natural beauty around you.

A part of you felt ashamed for not taking a moment to appreciate them.

Taehyun nodded. “Soobin still has some blankets in the truck, I think.”

“That I do,” Soobin said with a huff. “My poor napping blanket.”

“Come on, you big baby. I’ll wash it when we get home.” Yeonjun said, nudging the taller boy as he let out a huff.

You laughed, shooting him a grateful look. “Thank you, Soobin.”

As your group of friends began to weave through the carnivals crowd for the final time, the chaos began to fade into the distance.

Taehyun and Kai’s gentle hold on your hands had you sending them grateful looks.

Laughter and the faint echoes of carnival music lingered in the air as you all left behind the colorful lights and bustling rides.

Excitedly, Beomgyu walked backwards as he continued to ramble about a topic you couldn’t follow at all.

Seemingly, him and Soobin were arguing over who was better at the game they both played.

“Quit fighting!” Yeonjun called after them.

Ahead, the wide field was bathed in the soft glow of moonlight.

Even with the music in the distance, it was peaceful. Tall grass swayed gently in the breeze.

There was a rhythmic whisper that accompanied all of your footsteps as you found an area to settle down at.

Yeonjun and Taehyun set out the blankets as you and Kai gently nudged each other, pointing out the stars you could already see much clearer.

Soobin and Beomgyu seemed to continue their previous antics as they stumbled around chasing each other.

The scent of earth and grass filled the air and you took a deep breath in, finally feeling your heart settle for the first time that night.

The faint aroma of the carnival treats were finally left behind and as you sat down, Beomgyu basically crashing down next to you, you laughed.

You had once heard a story once about lovers who kept finding each other, no matter how many times the world came between them.

Even when they were cursed for the rest of eternity, transformed into stardust and placed scattered far apart throughout the galaxy.

Parts of them still found each other in the vastness of space.

In this story, rather than previous lovers, you had seen your friends.

Your bodies were made of stardust, and you were hurtling through space and time, toward the most beautiful collision. Yet each and every time, no matter what— you would find each other.

The night sky stretched endlessly, a canvas adorned with countless stars. Tired conversations ensued until you were all lying down, laughter subsiding into a familiar and comfortable silence.

Nameless stars gracefully stretched across the heavens, a river of light that seemed to flow from one horizon to the other. Endless.

In this moment of awe and wonder, you found yourself hoping that this moment could be endless as well.

Each star seemed to twinkle with its own secret, beckoning you to explore the mysteries of the cosmos.

You, Soobin and Yeonjun began to make up names and stories for the stars as Taehyun stifled Kai’s laughter in attempt to not wake a sleeping Beomgyu.

The air was crisp and clear, carrying with it a sense of tranquility that enveloped you all like a warm embrace.

In this moment, surrounded by the vast expanse of the night sky, you were reminded of the beauty of the universe.

No matter how overwhelming things had gotten, no matter how big and scary the world truly was— you would always find yourself back here in this familiar patch of grass with your friends.

With Soobin’s tired head on your shoulder and Beomgyu fast asleep on your thighs.

The gentle hum from Yeonjun and Taehyun accompanied by the squeeze Kai had given your hand.

The contented chatter of crickets and the slow, rhythmic song of cicadas.

If you could describe happiness, it would be that moment the universe had conjured up for you.

Served to you like some sort of cosmic apology for all that you have been through, and all that you had missed out on.

If you could take from all the possibilities, that moment would be the one you would always choose to bring into fruition.

And yet, you were well aware that the world spun too quickly and it turns too slowly as you waited and waited for the moment to transact into memory.

Eventually, the day would come when you could no longer tell the difference between this memory and a dream.

You found your own eyes growing heavy as your hand stilled in Beomgyu’s hair, coming up to your mouth to stifle a yawn.

Despite the acknowledgment that this, too, would end, you found the timeless connection of the stars omnipresent in your friendship.

As the stars watched over you all, unwillingly drifting to sleep together, a part of you confirmed what you had always known.

The six of you would always find each other, no matter if it was a dream or a memory.

There was nothing to grieve over in this moment. There was just love.

“Do you think there is the possibility of you and I?” The star asked.

“In this lifetime, is that too much to hope for?”

“There is something so delicate about time, so fragile.” The moon had started.

“If nothing ever comes of us, at least I have known this feeling, this wonderful sense of optimism that you have gifted to me.” The sun chimed in.

“You have given me something I can always keep close to me—to draw from in my darkest hour like a ray of unspent sunshine.” The moon commented.

“The love we share, it will be carried on by us through generations. It will be passed on and felt, the pieces of each other that we have borrowed and spent will be remembered.” The sun had finished.

“No matter what happens next, I will always be glad to know there is someone like you in the world.” The star said.

“Thank you for loving me.”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ seasons.

Mundane moments with TXT that makes everything seem worth it.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 2k ✧ fluff , comfort

+ can be read as a sequal to carnival.

Somehow, it felt exposing when the curtains were drawn. Ruthlessly tossed to the side and the sunlight began to burn you through the glass pane.

All you had wanted to do was stay within your four walls, wrapped up in the blanket that fit around you so perfectly.

Watching videos on your phone with no energy to get out of bed and actually do something.

Worrying about work soon or upcoming plans you suddenly wanted to skip out on. Something you’d been excited about for months now felt daunting.

Acknowledging that you’re simply too much for other people, you busy yourself with controlling what you can and taking up less space.

They probably didn’t even want you there, anyways.

The simple routine of thinking until you got just sad— an infectious mold that, with time, spread to your heart, constricting it to numbness.

You seemed to lose track of the days when this happened.

“It’s time to live.”

It was Yeonjun.

“Aren’t I already?” Groaning, you pulled a pillow over your face with an aggravated sigh.

“Nope! You’re just alive.” You shrugged.

He couldn’t see.

With a familiar hand pulling you out of bed, the cold feeling of the hardwood floors almost instantly making you want to retreat.

Despite this, you allowed the hand to drag you out into the world and out of the comfort of your bed.

The feeling of the cold floorboards matched the feeling of the cold water he splashed you with, a teasing smile on his face.

There wasn’t much joy in it for you, rubbing the facial care products into your face haphazardly.

Yesterday’s energy was long gone.

Once dry, he made sure to help you with the sweetest step of your skincare routine.

Small kisses littered across your face, a hand squeezing yours tightly.

A small feeling of warmth seemed to chip away at the mold on your heart, almost as if it was being gently cleaned with his own hands.

“You have a pimple.”

“Thanks for pointing it out. It’s my third eye.” You sounded unamused and he smirked, poking at your cheek careful to not touch it.

“I wish I had a third eye.”

You didn’t reply to him, focusing back to the cool mint on your tongue.

Pouting, it was him who continued. “So then I can look at you three times as much.”

The toothbrush in your mouth helped hide the small smile you were fighting, a childish feeling of giddiness.

“…That was really lame.”

The running water washed away any excess product. Wiping his mouth with a grin, he placed a final kiss on your cheek.

He knew that words wouldn’t make everything better, they wouldn’t be able to show you yourself through his eyes.

At the very least, he’d do his best to provide you with small doses of his admiration.

There were moments like these where you seemed to be swept out of the daze, almost like you were being shocked back into commission.

Who knew that something so sweet could be hiding in something so painfully mundane?

Moments when your head in the clouds crashes down to reality with a rude and sudden drag.

Those moments weren’t always bad, though. At least they gave you something to lose.

The sound of the ocean as you closed your eyes, skin warm from the rays that you didn’t bother to hide from.

All of the suffocating thoughts made you much more preoccupied with hiding from other people.

You wondered if you’d look better if you looked how you did when you were younger. Even then, you didn’t do much.

If you’d worked harder, maybe you wouldn’t be so hyper focused on yourself. Maybe you’d be more fun for others to be around.

It was easy to find reasons to belittle yourself.

A can of something hissing next to you brought your attention away momentarily, eyes fluttering open at the sudden coldness.

Standing above you, endearingly as persistent as always.

Soobin didn't seem to care that his frame was blocking your only source of light.

“I don’t see the sun that often.” You complained.

“I don’t see you that often.” He countered.

Guilty, you didn’t answer.

It was your idea to go to the beach yet you were shying away from really doing anything, conscious of everything around you.

The both of you paused in the silence.

Some of the excess water seemed to shake onto you as he dropped down on the towel next to you carelessly.

He sipped his drink quite obnoxiously.

Closing your eyes again, all you could focus on was the feeling of him nearby.

Nothing else was better at keeping the thoughts away.

Wet hands wrapped around your waist, almost smothering you so suddenly.

You wanted to complain about the feeling of him practically sticking to you in the hot weather but you didn’t bother.

You knew he needed it.

As he gently rested his head on your collarbone, your breath caught for a moment.

Maybe you both needed it.

Insecurities wandered back into your moment for just a moment. Monotonous repetition of how you must have looked and how you must have felt.

Listening to your heart, Soobin memorized each beat as if he would suddenly become fluent in its’ language.

Suddenly, he spoke.

“Let’s go find jellyfish to give back to the sea.”

The logical part of you didn’t see any point to sending back what was already doomed.

Regardless, you didn’t have it in you to challenge his optimism.

Biting into the strawberry, the flavor seemed much more pronounced than it had ever before. Maybe it was because Beomgyu picked it specifically for you.

You couldn’t tell.

The juice trickled down your chin. The sickly messy feeling made you grimace.

As you reached up to wipe it, he already beat you with his sleeve. Impulsively, you knew since it was his favorite hoodie.

He didn’t seem to care about ruining something so precious for you.

Seeing your reaction, he laughed.

“You’re cute when you make that face.”

Frowning, you replied. “I feel sticky.”

“We should do this again.” His voice was hopeful and he ended it with a small laugh, holding out the basket to hand to you.

Looking down at the strawberries in the basket, you only hummed in response.

Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t find it in you to reply.

Uncertainty lingering in your mind. Something you wanted just in front of you, even if you didn’t feel like you deserved it.

You wanted to respond, really.

But he didn’t need you to, he already knew that it wouldn’t happen again.

The warm glow he shared with you alongside half of his heart only seemed to gleam brighter.

The shameful feeling of hiding away from the world melted away when his hand brushed against yours.

“Maybe we can grow our own.”

Knowing how the two of you lived, he knew that it wouldn’t be possible for anything to grow.

He didn’t have the heart to tell you that but a part of him still wanted to try.

“We can.”

The sound of sticks and dirt crunching beneath you caused you to furrow your eyebrows, eyes focused on the amount of filth collected on your shoes.

Silence with Beomgyu, like your other friends, was usually comforting. He didn’t try to pry into you or tell you how to cope.

Instead he decided to stall for more time with you.

“Let’s go get some real food, yeah?”

“When are you going to start being honest about how you’re doing?”

It was such an easy question but you couldn’t seem to answer it.

Couldn’t look up to face him, the frustration in his voice already tugging at whatever strings were attached to your tear ducts.

Taehyun wasn’t mad. Even with reminding yourself of that, you felt angry at yourself.

Guilty, how terrible of a person were you to make someone like him worry?

Gritting teeth, your face remained stone cold. Eyes fixated on the table in front of you with your fists balled underneath.

Breathe. It’s not the end of the world.

There was a million things that you could say but nothing would ever perfectly describe how you were feeling.

Shame, embarrassment, the desperate yearning for more but the desire to run and hide at the same time.

How do you explain how miserable you are, even when you have everything you’d ever need?

Things weren’t horrible, they could be better but isn’t that the same for everyone?

Maybe it was the missed connections.

The urge to call someone who was no longer in your life or the desire to become a better version of yourself.

The sudden realization of the little girl that resided in your mother and the burned bridges that she left behind for you.

Maybe it was coming to the understanding that you are the spitting image of your father and all of his worst fears.

If you were better, could you be happy then?

Desperately wanting something that you know you’ll never have, forgetting to appreciate what you do have.

You were just sad— and you couldn’t understand why.

There was a crack in the china somewhere that couldn’t be found. Couldn’t be fixed.

It felt embarrassing to have a crack in you so obvious.

Taehyun often tried to remind you that damage is a show of what you’ve been through, the love and the hurt.

Everything you’d carried with you became a collage of every person and thing that you had ever loved.

You didn’t like wearing it on your sleeve.

“One day, maybe.” Although it came out jokingly, all you were met with was a sigh.

The air wouldn’t stay tense for long, though. He’d never allow that.

It was a sunny day, the outside feeling peculiar after an afternoon sunshower.

A hand clasped your shoulder and shook you gently.

It almost felt like you were shook back into reality, suddenly much more aware of your body in the present moment.

Your mind wandered back to a meaningless quote you’d found floating around some corner of the internet.

‘There is no connection without an open heart.’

That couldn’t always be true, you figured.

Without realizing, you’re pulled to your feet as he hums along to the theme song playing faintly from the television in the other room.

The sound of keys jingling brings you back to reality once more.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

His attempt to get you from the house and out for fresh air was less than subtle but you followed, sliding your shoes on.

Being active this way was something that he loved, you figured if he loved it so much it must be worth something.

Anything he loved was worth something, of course.

Maybe you believing in that so strongly was what made it difficult to believe him when he said that he loved you.

Already seeing the look of dread on your tired face, he laughed.

“If you get too tired, I’ll carry you back home.”

“We can’t be together every second of everyday.”

The tone of Kai’s voice was understanding, hand brushing some stray eyelash off of your cheek.

Suddenly feeling shy in his touch, you pull away.

“I just don’t want you to forget me, that’s all.”

To say something so stupid in such a vulnerable state, you found yourself wondering how you even got here in the first place.

The smile that he flashed almost seemed nauseating.

The kind that would normally have someone’s head-spinning yet he gave it to someone like you so naturally, like second nature.

It didn’t feel like you deserved it, but it was still yours.

“Who could ever forget you?”

Noses rubbing together felt embarrassingly innocent before he chased after you to place a kiss to your lips.

For a fleeting moment you wondered if you really had impacted his life. If maybe you’d been the reason for his restless nights or anxious mornings as he had been for you.

Your mind shut down that hope fairly quickly.

Rolling your eyes, you pulled away and directed your attention back to the orange in your hands as your nails desperately clawed at it.

Marked up and bruised, you couldn’t seem to get it open. The light, empty feeling of your stomach growling had you feeling uneasy. Dizzy.

Just as you were about to give up out of frustration, a hand gently pulls it from your grasp.

Looking up at him, his eyes stare carelessly out of the window.

When it’s handed back to you, a single slice is missing.

He gives you a small smile once again, taking a bite of the orange slice instinctively, teetering it between his lips.

“Wanna come with me today to do some chores?”

One day, you meet someone. And right off the bat this person may feel like home or that strange sense of security you’d been longing for. If you're lucky, you get to experience it a few times over.

And it is terrifying to feel it so wholeheartedly without knowing it. Unfamiliarity is maybe the scariest thing.

You’re going to want to run away, hide away back under the covers. Yet they won’t let you.

They will drag you out, kicking and screaming as they force their way into your heart and plant a seed. So carefully instilled inside you that you won’t even notice its’ presence until it’s in full bloom.

The light you’d been searching for in them will be reflected inside of you, spare parts gifted to you as a thank you for existing in their lives fusing together to create the fragile machine that you are.

This light will find you no matter where, washing away the fear and anger of the past as you learn to brush yourself off, to try again.

There will be days that make you want to go back to the comfort of your room where you’re still the same kid that you were before everything spiraled.

It’s this room that they’ll pull open the curtains and drag you out of bed, over and over.

Something you’ve waited for.

The things you believed as a kid that seemed so stupid suddenly seem to make a comeback. A hint of truth in everything.

Maybe you couldn’t hear the ocean in a sea shell but you could certainly memorize the faces of the constellations.

The crack in everything was simply to allow the light to pour in.

And with the shower of light, better days will follow.

Something to fight for.

The air against your skin feels frigid to the touch and your eyes are focused on the trees flashing by in quick succession.

The radios loud, almost ringing your ears as it reverberates with the mixed chatter and laughter.

Feeling an arm nudge you, your head lulls over to the side and you catch a glimpse of them waiting for your input with carefree smiles. Suddenly in that moment, you understand.

Wanting to preserve the moment for however long you could, it was a moment worth remembering.

It was hard to get to this point and you’re sure that you’ll want to give up again, but you won’t.

No matter how much you’d change through the years, at that moment in time, you were in a car with people who loved you.

And you loved them.

To have something to lose is the greatest and scariest privilege but you will hold that broken bird in your hands and do your best to be as fragile as possible with it.

For the broken birds, it gets better. Maybe for a day, maybe only for a moment.

Maybe for you, it gets better as well. Maybe just for a song or a meal shared.

The time will pass and it will get better.

That feeling you were always chasing since you were young— as long as you hope for that, there’s always something to hang onto.

The love that you want exists because you exist, you simply have to let yourself find it.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ LOVE WAR!!

“We missed you!” “So the two of you decided to... break into my house?”

Being voted into your school’s contest, you’re partnered with class troublemaker Choi Beomgyu and your old childhood friend Choi Soobin. Making sure that the three of you can represent your class well enough is already difficult without the two flirting with you at every turn!

@ contents

[🌸] choi beomgyu + choi soobin / afab!reader [WIP]

genre. fluff , humor

warnings : cursing

playlist.

+ tracklist.

001. class rep’s picks.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ Lovers' Roulette.

[🍷] private eye! soobin & afab! criminal! reader [WIP]

genre. suspense , mystery , enemies to lovers , angst , (eventual) fluff , comedy

warnings : use / consumption of cigarettes & alcohol, cursing, suggestive content, death

TEASER.

+ tracklist.

001. Negative Zero Lounge.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ the best of the best.

A written series based off of various Pokémon trainer’s adventures in love, composed for MOA. [WIP]

genre key fluff (f) . angst (a) . humor (h) . comfort (c) .

Dark Room [Artist!Choi Soobin x Photographer!Reader]

Poison type (♡) Psychic type

genre fluff (f) . humor (h) .

The heart of the bustling art scene was hard to stay afloat in, especially in a world as colorful as yours. Soobin finds himself entangled in a complex web of emotions when it comes to his world and more specifically: you. Exhausted of his state of denial, his Pokémon decide to pull together a plan to bring the two of you closer and get him to acknowledge your artistry as well as his true feelings.

You Know Me [Musician!Choi Yeonjun x Nurse!Reader]

Fairy type (♡) Normal type

genre fluff (f) . humor (h) .

Yeonjun finds himself facing an unexpected twist of fate when a performance mishap lands him and his trusty Pokémon at the nearby center. Despite usual protocols him and his Pokémon are dragged to your personal office as you tend to their wounds. Annoyingly to you, he was well aware that you’d never deny them of your services.

Beautiful Collisions [Trainer!Choi Beomgyu x Resort Worker!Reader]

Water type (♡) Electric type

genre fluff (f) . humor (h) .

At Sinnoh’s picturesque summer resort, Beomgyu finds himself more focused on you rather than enjoying him and his Pokémon’s vacation. Despite being polar opposites, Beomgyu finds himself determined to capture your heart. However, each well-intentioned gesture seems to backfire, leaving you completely exasperated.

The Redwood Tree [Rival!Kang Taehyun x Trainer!Reader]

Ice type (♡) Ghost type

genre fluff (f) . comfort (c) .

Becoming a ghost-type trainer seemed to be the obvious solution to your deepest rooted fear of the dark. Despite becoming a masterful trainer, you still find yourself paralyzed by fear when faced with the dark. Putting aside your long term rivalry, Taehyun extends a helping hand to guide you through the treacherous depths of an infamous haunted forest.

Possibility of Love [Stranger!Huening Kai x Trainer!Reader]

Fairy type (♡) Bug type

genre fluff (f) . comfort (c) .

After suffering a humbling defeat in a remote forest, you find yourself lost with your trusty sidekick completely drained. To your surprise, the two of you are soon discovered by a compassionate Sylveon who leads you back to its’ trainer. This creature’s kind gesture leads to a new beginning for you and mysterious trainer Kai.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

Lovers’ Roulette. ⭒ TEASER

The way grief blooms can only be compared to something like a flower: a heart-shaped wound that can never fully close, held together with a thin protective layer of stardust gathered through out time.

For grief to be unexpressed love: in its’ most painful yet pure form, always wanting more.

The only thing that cuts through love.

But what of the people who cause grief?

Those who stampede their way through, never bothering to look back toward the fault lines they’d left behind. The heartless abandoning the rest of them in the hourglass of their past and broken memories.

There are rules to these kinds of people.

Never think where you are or what comes next— let go of the need to know and everything tends to fall into place.

Know that it is okay to dream, to allow your higher self to take care of the rest as you wash the blood off of your hands. This is only temporary.

And if something— someone— is calling you, answer.

Even if it bursts out of your chest like a trapped bird set free, you must follow it.

When all of your instincts are kicking and fighting against you like a wild caged animal, allow those hands to calm the tremors and let the light in.

It may be the only time you’ll be able to bask in it.

There is always something between you and love. A closed door, an endless corridor. Flames burning higher and higher until they cover you whole.

Maybe in some universe you are under the lamppost at dusk, he can see you across the road, arms above your head waving hello with a smile.

Is it summer or are you still in spring? It wouldn’t matter then.

In his chest, something crashes hard as a head-on collision.

But in reality, you grow further away like gravity turned on its side, he is up, and you will always be down.

The feeling of falling you had forgotten and tried to bury beneath the years has reared its’ head.

“Do you see me still, my dear? Do you trust yourself now?”

“Does it make you smile to know you were right about me all along? Or somewhere deep down, does it kill you?”

⭒ home. ➔ masterlist.