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The thought of Santa Clarita made his blood boil. If Chris ever ran into Drew Barrymore, he’d give her a piece of his mind.
Chris snapped this selfie and text Brad who was still in the front room with the Craig’s List people. “Did I go the bathroom with all these tattoos?”
Brad repied. “Y speedo n shower?”
Chris cringed. Both of them loathed redundancy. Did Brad ask that already?
Unlike Chris, Brad held no beef with Drew. Brad couldn’t see how anyone could criticize someone who started eating cocaine at the age of 11.
Just then, Drew began to waiver in and out of Chris’ mind for the first time. How’d she get in there? Then out?
This after after party he and Brad were hosting was weirder than usual. Drew was a real person.
I wish we could take credit for this, alas, we cannot. On the other hand, I might send them my resume. I might not be a Rabbi versed in Dark Talmudic Arts, and my Aramaic might be a tad rusty, but I could probably figure it out. Plus, I'm comfortable working with clay: that's sort of necessary, no? It wouldn't do to have a golem if its terribly disfigured. Lastly I know how to ward off Gollum: throw potatoes at him! He wouldn't know what to do!
Best of Craigslist: Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM.
WANTED: One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives. We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem! Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from inanimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for “precious”. This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.
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