Customer - Tumblr Posts
What is my religion?
Now, I do have some of the strangest events in the post office. Today a regular customer with a near perpetual vibe of creepy asked out of the blue as I processed his mail:
"Are you a Christian?"
I was taken aback. "... Y-yes?"
He nodded, very satisfied. "I thought so. Know how I could tell? It's the way you carry yourself. So calm and sure, and so nice to everybody."
I grinned and explained, "I'm naturally awkward so I try to be nice to everyone to make up for it."
"So you lied to me? Then you're not really a Christian." He sounded like a judge delivering verdict. All happy demeanor was gone.
"Wha-what? No, it's... a bit of both? I am Christian." Not that it should matter to this guy...
"What's you religion?"
"What-what?"
"Roman Catholic, Baptist, Buddhist, what?"
"C-Cowboy. Redneck," I stammered with a smile, thinking of the non-denominational Cowboy Church up the hill.
He gave a curt nod and left. Two of my coworkers had been witness and as soon as he was mostly out of earshot released nervous giggles. "Are you okay, Siyucircle?"
"Of course," I was more frustrated at my answer. With a bit of wit and time enough to prep my brain cells I could've taken him to task.
"That was weird," the girls agreed.
It was. What did he want by that question? Did he want me to say shibboleth? My denomination is a question I cannot answer anyway. Born in a Baptist, schooled by the Alliance, guest of the Nazarene, and not fully informed enough to decide truly.
A Satanic Storey
If YOU were a new customer in SATAN's shop, he would make sure to offer YOU any one thing for free, as your first purchase only, to gain you as a faithful customer. So he then would say unto YOU:
SATAN: "You can pick any one thing in the shop, that's on sale, and it's yours for free for your first purchase!"
YOU: "Anything!?"
SATAN: "Yes, anything."
So YOU look around the shop, and noticed an object with just the letter "C" on it, so you ask SATAN:
YOU: "What's that with the "C" on it?"
SATAN: "That's 'Confusion'.'"
YOU: "Oooh, I'll have that for sure!"
SATAN: "Oh no, not that!"
YOU: "But you said I can have anything in your shop for free for my first purchase!"
SATAN: "Yes, I did; however, I cannot give you that for free."
YOU: "Why!?"
SATAN: "Because that's not for sale."
YOU: "Why!?' 'Why isn't it for sale!?'"
SATAN: "Because that, always works."
This is how Mr. Krabs do to get customers to buy.
