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To Be Alone

VAGUE SPOILER WARNING FOR SHADOW AND BONE BOOK SERIES-- I try hard not to mention why the Darkling/General Kirigan is the bad guy so that I don’t spoil anything,, but the reader finds out that he lies about his identity and that he’s super sketchy/not a good guy (again,, I avoided as many specifics as possible to keep it from being spoiler-y)

Warnings: lowkey manipulation, kissing/makeout, slight fingering

A/n y’all drove me to this lol,, pls be nice!! This is the closest to full on smut I’ve ever written!! Ahh I’m lowkey scared to post

Summary: the reader finds out something about the Darkling/General Kirigan, he finds a way to convince her to stay 

--

No amount of evidence will ever be enough to convince me fully. A part of me will always hold onto unjustifiable doubt because a part of me hopes that if I hold onto the lies tight enough they’ll turn into the truth. But that’s not how the world works. 

General Kirigan. Ravka put its faith in him. I put my faith in him. I did more than that. I pushed aside my reservations and doubt in order to try and comfort him when he spoke of loneliness. Was all that a lie as well? 

No. I can’t afford to think of the emotional side of it all, because if I do I may find myself incapable of moving from this spot. I don’t have time to reflect on it all, to try and unravel hopeful lies and manipulative truths. That can be done when I’m not here. If I stay here, he’ll know I know and he’ll stop me from...what? What am I supposed to do next? I could find someone with some level of power to warn. 

“There you are.” Kirigan. I’m turned towards the window, not facing him, but there is no weariness or malice in his voice. He has no reason to suspect my suspicion. “Are you unwell?” 

Calm. I need to pass as calm. Not turning, I force myself to ignore the endearing hint of concern in his voice. “No.” I can hear his measured footsteps. “Why would you think that?” 

“I haven’t seen you all day,” he’s directly behind me now. If I turn, I’ll practically be against his chest. “And you didn’t come see me last night.” 

Oh. I knew it was a mistake to begin to pull on such a small thread so close to when he expected to see me, but it kept gnawing on me. That doubt. That tiny thing I couldn’t ever let go off. “I fell asleep.” No--I cringe at my impulsive response. He knows how difficult it is for me to fall asleep. “Yesterday was just really...draining.” 

In an easy movement, he places his hand on my shoulder. It’s a silent request for me to turn. Exhaling, I obey. Why? I could lie to myself and say that I’m listening to him in order to kill his suspicions, but the effect he has on me is undeniable. Even before touching each other became a casual thing on his part, my body wanted to react to him. 

He’s quick to cup my face, tilting my chin up slightly so that I can’t avoid his gaze. “What troubles you, little dove?” A nickname for when he’s feeling particularly gentle. Thoughts of the evil he has to be twist my stomach as my face flushes. Kirigan’s thumb brushes over the corner of my bottom lip, stalling as I fight the urge to melt into the contact. I meet his tense gaze cautiously. “You said nothing could make you look at me differently.” No. There’s no way he figured out my change with one look alone. I’ll deny it. I’ll do what I need to do to be convincing, and then I’ll manage to escape. His grip on my shoulder tightens. “Don’t you dare lie to me again.” 

The urge to snap and point out the sick irony of him telling me not to lie at him almost forces me to break. His gaze starts to shift away from me--towards the half packed escape bag I’d been in the middle of constructing. I stretch my arms forward, desperate to keep his gaze on me and away from what I can’t explain. 

Kirigan’s free hand moves to pull my hand off of his cheek, but he pauses, eyes shutting in peaceful contentment. “What do you know?” 

I expected his words to be angry, to border on violent...but he just sounds tired. Please, Saints, let me be wrong. “Is there anything to know?” The only reaction I get is the slightest stall of his breathing. “You said you didn’t want to be alone anymo--” 

“I don’t.” The harshness of his words almost coax a small flinch from me. 

Swallowing back the knot in my stomach, I exhale slowly. “A part of not being alone is being honest.” 

His eyes finally open. I don’t dare move as he moves my hand off of his cheek so that he can brush his lips against my knuckles. I suppress an embarrassing shudder. “You wouldn’t have stayed--if you knew you wouldn’t ha--” 

No denial. I can’t--I can’t do this. “You know what the worst part is?” I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I can’t believe it’s true. “I might have.” Those words break something in me as I force myself away from him. The lack of contact leaves me more frozen than ever. “I might have! I might have been able to bear all the monstrous things you’ve done if you had just--” 

“What?!” He meets my outburst with one of equal power. “You might have stayed regardless?” The way he scoffs leaves me feeling like a wandering child. “You might have still looked at me like I hung the stars in the sky instead of like I’m the darkness they fight against?” I stay silent as he steps forward, quick to hold my chin in place with his long fingers. “I couldn’t risk you on possibility.” Kirigan’s gaze is so intense, a part of me is surprised that shadows don’t come at me--drowning me in darkness and him. “And don’t think me foolish enough to believe that someone like you would understand that I have to do what I’m doing--” 

“Have to?” No--how did I almost let him lure me back in so easily. I pull myself away, approaching my open wardrobe. “That’s not past tense.” He’s still--he’s still actively hurting people. Why had I been so stupidly naive to think that maybe this was all history? “I--I can’t do this.” 

Each step towards the exit of the room chips away at a piece of my soul. “You’re not walking away from me,” his strong grip is on my arm in a sharp instinct, “I won’t--I can’t be alone again.” 

I swallow back the lump of emotion in my throat. “You already are.” 

His eyes are pleading, pools of frightened adoration. “No--no,” he steps towards me, not releasing his grip on my arm, “You’re hurt that I lied, but now I’ll never have to lie to you again.” I push against his grip. Kirigan doesn’t release me. “Y/n,” my name is a lament from his lips, “Please.” 

My eyes round out as my heart leaps into my chest. “I used to think that you were only touched by the darkness, but now I’m not sure you can tell where the darkness ends and you begin.” His grip just barely falters. Maybe it’s acceptance. 

I shift weakly, a softer attempt to escape. His grip tightens even more than before as he tugs me forward. The reminder of his physical strength leaves me frozen in shock. I can’t read his expression, but something about him has darkened. When I don’t pull away again, his thumb brushes up and down my forearm. The silkiness of his touch is warm temptation. I inhale slowly as he moves his other arm in order to touch my shoulder. The contact is almost shy. 

“Kirigan,” my voice betrays me, breaking as his fingers trace down my collar, “What--what are you doing?” 

He tilts his head, taking in the way his touch rids my body of fight. “Nothing, really.” His voice is low, supple in its assuredness. “You’re the only person who has ever seen me--and for you to leave me after that.” 

“No,” I try to step back, but my body freezes as he toys with the collar of my dress, “What I saw--what I found out--that wasn’t you.” 

“It’s who I have to make myself be,” he whispers, “I’m doing what needs to be done.” 

“That logic can earn you a lot,” my words are careful, “But it cannot earn you me.” 

His hand brushes past my neck, finding the root of my hair. Kirigan pulls on it slightly, forcing me to expose my lower jaw and neck. I’m still as he leans forward, warm breath fanning across my skin. I fight against a shiver in vain as his lips brush down my skin, only stopping as he nips the base of my neck. I can’t help the small sound of surprise that escapes me. 

“Are you sure about that?” Blood rushes to my face, motivated by both embarrassment and something else. “Little dove, don’t ruin us.” His touch is warm, but his words leave me with an uncomfortable chill. In an attempt to escape the coldness, I half-press myself into the trail of soft and desperate kisses he’s leaving down my neck.

Kirigan pauses, exhaling slowly, and I feel some mental strength return to me. “There can’t be an us--not like this.” 

“Y/n.” He never uses my name. “You are the only light I know.” His words steal something from me as he pulls away enough to look me in the eyes. “I can’t handle the weight of solitude anymore--it’s worse than the dark.”

 I am unflinching, watching him with a markman’s care. Kirigan takes my silence as a positive. I don’t move as his gaze drops to my lips before he presses his own together. I don’t move as he destroys the distance between us like it’s some type of unbearable weight. His lips meet mine with enough force to bruise my face. The surprise of it gives him the chance to coax my lips into parting as his hands move to either side of my face. My body reacts without my permission, letting him deepen the kiss. Every time I find some kind of free will, Kirigan pushes it away with some kind of tactful lull of his tongue. Keeping his control, Kirigan ends the kiss by grazing sharp teeth against my bottom lip. 

I’m left panting. “You’re--you lied, Kirigan--I--” 

“You told me once you could never see me as a monster.”

“I said that to a version of you that technically doesn’t exist.” 

The grief in my chest and desire in my stomach twist in a nauseating way. Kirigan’s eyes watch me patiently, a pain similar to my own reflected in them. “Who I am when I’m with you is less fictitious than any identity I’ve ever given myself.”

The vulnerability in his voice is as alluring and distracting as the kiss. I find myself thinking of the warmth of his mouth against my skin. He had kissed me like the cure for ancient solitude could come from me. I think he had a point, because now that he’s not touching me in that way I feel the familiar tugs of cold emptiness. 

“I don’t understa--” My words are cut off by his lips brushing against mine. 

His touch is soft, but it’s far from shy as he draws out the kiss. It’s an attempt to keep me on edge, to keep me wanting him enough to push past my doubts. “Y/n,” there’s a reverent quality to his voice, “I--” Kirigan grabs the collar of my dress, pulling me to him sharply. His kiss conveys things that neither of us truly understand. “Don’t go.” 

I don’t want to. The realization is a cruel wave crashing against my chest. “You lie to everyone, you lie to me--you--you hurt and destroy and I--” One of his hands brushes against the hem of my dress. “What are you,” the words are supposed to be sharp, but my resolve melts as his hand presses firmly against my thigh, “Doing?” 

“You know me,” he draws out each word as his fingers graze towards the inside of my thighs. The cool metal of his rings are practically ice against my flushed skin. “Little dove, trust me.” 

My nails dig into my palms as I try to ignore what he’s doing. “I did and you betrayed me.” 

“I couldn’t lose you,” he whispers, thumb inching up my inner thigh.

I press my lips together, fighting against a natural reaction. “You did lose me.” 

Kirigan’s eyes darken as his grip on my thigh tightens. “We’ll move past this.” He’s both pleading and assured. “I think I know how to make it up to you.” He trails his hand up my thigh swiftly, stopping with his hand on my lower hip. Shamelessly, he toys with the hem of my underwear. “The only thing that’s really changed is that now I’m touching you like this.” 

The only thing I can do is gape at him. He’s a villain, his hands are coated in unnecessarily spilled blood, and I am helpless against his slightest touch. I should try pushing him away or at the very least resist his blatant advantages. His fingers brush down my underwear, stopping at a growing wet spot. The knowing look he gives me burns my core. I try to keep my expression hard in a final form of protest, but when he presses his pointer finger against me all the resolve in me is shattered. 

My eyebrows draw together as a small sound escapes me, “Kirigan.” I can’t tell if it’s praise or a warning. 

He pauses, hand retracting slightly at my whining. “Y/n,” his other hand cups my cheek. I lean into the contact without permission from my body. “There is only one name that I have not given myself and only one name I want to hear you breathe like that.” His thumb traces my lips softly. I don’t move as he leans forward, turning his lips towards my ear. 

“Aleksander.” His name is nothing more than a breath, a stolen heartbeat on his lips. 

He presses his fingers against where I’m the weakest again. My hips grind forward instinctually, desperate for more contact as he kisses the top of my jaw. 

“Aleksander.” The name escapes me in the form of a broken moan. Speaking it feels more intimate than the way he’s touching me. 

There’s the slightest pause in his consuming actions. “Again,” he breathes, “Say my name again.” His request is so soft it feels like he’s more at my mercy than I am at his. 

My eyes shut as his teeth graze my neck. “Aleksander.” At the sound of his name, his teeth brush against my skin harder than ever. 

When he starts to pull away, I reach out desperately, grabbing his kefta. “I thought you wanted to leave, little dove.” 

No. No. He is not going to get me to agree to stay by giving me something as intimate as his original name and by denying me his touch. “Please.” 

He reaches for my hand, pulling it off of him cruelly. “Do you want to stay with me?” 

I know which answer will get me what I really want, but I’m not sure which answer is true. Do I want to stay with him? Even after knowing what he’s done? “I don’t want to leave you.” The vulnerability of the statement cracks at my heart. He turns away from me in order to face the wall. I take a tentative step towards. “But I’m not sure what I want matters.” 

In one quick motion, he’s yanking more forward and pressing me into the wall. “Of course desire matters,” his body is pressed against mine almost entirely, “It means something.” He brushes his knuckles against my cheek. “It means you could choose me.” 

What could I say to that? I part my lips to speak but he silences me by pressing his lips against my jaw. I offer no protest as he starts touching me the way he did earlier. I’m more desperate now, more needy and okay with that. His fingers slip past my underwear testingly, hesitating before finally entering me slowly. 

“Aleksander,” my voice is so needy I’m not sure it’s my own. 

“I want you to say my name like that again,” he whispers, kissing down my collarbone as he begins to press his fingers in and out of me faster, “And I want you to say my name casually,” his pace doesn’t slow, even when I begin to let out indistinguishable whines, “And I want you to say my name while you’re falling asleep,” his touch becomes more aggressive as his words become more sincere, “And I want you to say my name every other way there is to say it.” 

The bundle of nerves in the pit of my stomach grows until there’s nothing else for me to hold onto. I finish with a sharp gasp. The feeling of euphoria is only intensified as Aleksander begins to kiss up my jaw before finally pressing our lips together. 

I break the kiss first, desperate to breathe. Have my legs been so shaky this entire time? Aleksander lets me recover, resting his head against my forehead. “I’m tired of being alone.” 

I imagine all the foul acts he’s committed and all the bad he wants to bring. I picture all the innocent blood he’s spilled. I see all of it--every horror and dark deed he’s ever committed. But I cannot see me leaving him. Maybe that makes me a monster, maybe that makes me an idiot...but I can’t do it. 

Slowly, I move to drape my arms over his back in a loose hug. “You’re not alone, Aleksander.” I’m not sure what that signifies, but I know it’s true. There has to be good in him. No one capable of such warmth can be pure evil. “I choose you.” 

fic ideas i have that are either too much commitment or too chaotic for me to commit to :))

YALL PLS I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS I NEED TO LET GO OF SO I HAVE TO SAY THEM OUT LOUD TO EITHER PUT THEM ON HOLD OR LET GO OF THEM ENTIRELY 

IF YOU READ THIS LIST YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BULLY ME,, THERE’S A REASON IDEAS THAT ARE NOT WANTED ARE ON HERE OKAY 

--

1. a fic where the darkling and alina are lowkey fighting over the reader bc MY BISEXUAL HEART BEATS FOR BOTH OF THEM ALONE OKAY 

(LOWKEY JUST WANT TO TRY WRITING ALINA IN GENERAL BC I LOVE HER)

2. a beauty and the beast retelling that’s either kaz brekker (and SOC based) x reader or darkling (that’s shadow and bone based) x reader THATS TOO MUCH FOR RIGHT NOW I THINK,, IT’D BE SO EXTRA BC I LOVE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST STORIES OK

3. Anastasia au-ish/retelling with Kaz Brekker x reader THE SAME REASON IT’D BE SUCH A LONG SERIES BC IM OBSESSED WITH THE ANASTASIA STORYLINE--LOST PRINCESS FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE CRIMINAL TRYING. TO SELL HER AS A REAL PRINCESS?? PLEASE

4. IM EMBARRASSED OF THIS ONE YALL--lowkey think it would be fun to make a darkling x reader x kaz brekker love triangle FOR THE EXPERIENCE ALONE BC THEYRE BOTH SO DRAMATIC AND SIMPS AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE I KNOW THIS SOUNDS BAD BUT LIKE IMAGINE THE DARKLING BEING LIKE STAY HERE BUT KAZ IS TRYING TO GET U FOR A JOB (kinda like in the show but not) BUT THERE’S UNDERLYING FEELINGS --- THIS IS SO UNNEEDED BUT IN MY MIND BC OF THE AESTHETIC!! YALL KNOW IM A DRAMATIC BITCH 

5. Zoya x reader -- I HAVE NO GOOD PLOT FOR THIS BUT I LOVE HER

6. Genya x reader where the reader is insecure and is like hey genya can u fix this and then genya’s like shut up im in love with u and ur perfect BUT LIKE I FEEL LIKE THIS COULD BE TOXIC IDK I DONT TRUST MYSELF TO NOT PROJECT MY ED A LITTLE TOO MUCH 

7. A SERIES THAT CENTERS AROUND A PSYCHIC (NOT CANON BUT PLS THIS IS FROM MY MIND) WHO WORKS AT LIKE A CIRCUS AND KAZ COMES AND GETS HER FROM THERE FOR A JOB BUT SHE’S LIKE LITERAL SUNSHINE SO WHEN HE STARTS TO LIKE HER HE’S LIKE ‘NO!! NO’ -- THIS IS TOO LONG AND TOO SPECIFIC PLS 

AND I JUST HAD AN IDEA FOR THIS ONE?? MAYBE BC SHE CAN SEE THE FUTURE AND IS REALLY WARM INEJ IS LIKE SHES A SAINT!! AND THE READER IS JUST LIKE I LOVE U BUT IM NOT A SAINT AND ALL INEJ HEARS IS OMG A SAINT SAID SHE LOVES ME 

NOTICE HOW NO NIKOLAI X READER FICS  OR JESPER X READER FICS ARE ON HERE?? IT’S BC THEY GET NO REJECTIONS

--

if u read this, you don’t know me :)) thanks for letting me rant so i can let things go :) if this post is deleted in the morning u never saw this!! i hate a snitch!

I NEED YALL TO VOTE PLS

AHH OKAY I WANT TO WRITE BOTH OF THESE AD IDK WHICH ONE I LIKE MORE

(im thinking mini-series,, but maybe a full series,, it depends how plotting goes)

ANYWAYS,, here are the options!!

--

1. darkling x reader story that’s beauty and the beast based

2. darkling x reader story that’s based on persephone and hades (might take a little longer bc im still trying to work out how to best incorporate the ‘six months of the year, one for each pomegranate seed’ thing 

--

these aren’t exactly AUs bc technically the main plot of the story stays the same, i just kind of put the reader in scenarios that embody the stories they’re based on

no bc the hardest part of writing smut is that it takes me 2-3 business days to figure out how to transition from the nonsmut to the smut bc there's no unawkward way to be like ohh,, like why is hooking up so awkward

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

Dusk Till Dawn - Chapter One

Pairing: The Darkling x reader

Summary: Your relationship with General Kirigan only exists after the sun goes down and you begin to wonder whether he loves you beyond the night calls. Before you can find out Kirigan’s true feelings, you’re tied up and thrown into the back of a van.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: Human trafficking, forced drug use and a lot of non-consensual stuff. Please don't read if you get triggered by anything of that nature, it gets pretty dark.

A/N: This is heavily inspired by Taken. Don't @ me

Let’s just pretend jurda is similar to heroin.

There was no hiding from the sun. Sweat beaded your forehead as you pushed through the market square. Everything seemed too bright. You distracted yourself with a crate of oranges, running your fingers over the bumpy peel and squeezing them gently. After discerning which were of the best quality, you placed three in your wicker basket and smiled at the man behind the stall as you handed over several coins.

You came to the market to escape your room. But the hot air was stifling, making it difficult to breathe. Now you wanted nothing more than to escape the heat. You didn't belong in any environment, it seemed.

All energy dripping from your body, you turned to go back the way you had came.

General Kirigan had left the Little Palace on business. He'd taken several of his army with him, including yourself. Wandering the back alleys, you pondered the question: had he invited you as a member of his army or as something more?

Your hands idly turned the oranges in their baskets. You'd worked your way up the ranks. You weren't Grisha yourself but you'd studied international relations all your life and it only took a few years before you were appointed diplomat.

You met him the day you were due to make your first important speech at the Little Palace. He had such a powerful aura that the moment he walked into the room, your entire attention was commanded by him. You couldn’t understand what was happening to you. This man’s presence made you feel something you’d never felt before. You were so desperately hungry for him to acknowledge you.

Those obsidian eyes finally – finally – looked at you when the time came for your speech. Gripping the podium to keep from shaking, your knuckles turned white. Your words were off-kilter as they pushed past the swarming nerves in your stomach. But it didn’t take long for your practice to kick in and your speech fell into an easy rhythm. It was difficult to keep on track when your eyes constantly gravitated back to General Kirigan. What made it even more difficult was the small smile playing across his lips, the slight upward tilt of his jaw. He was… proud?

Giddy, you left the hall as soon as you'd finished the speech. You couldn’t socialise after that and pretend that your feelings weren’t eating you up inside. The only thing you could handle was solitude.

You came to regret that decision. Because for days, growing to weeks, you were haunted by a craving for his eyes to find yours again. You wanted to see him smile one more time and for you to be the reason why.

One long sleepless night, you found yourself restlessly walking the corridors, hoping your thoughts would fall away from you with each step. You didn't get your wish. Your thoughts materialised.

General Kirigan turned the corner.

You weren't sure how it happened. You weren't sure whether it was the best or the worst thing that happened to you. But you suffered many more sleepless nights, entangled in his dark sheets.

You couldn't believe it. Your hands roamed his raven locks, his hands explored every inch of your body, memorising each dip and curve. You moved with perfect synchronisation, slotting together perfectly. Everything seemed to make sense. It felt so right. You belonged.

But during the day, you would pass in the hallways and he wouldn't so much as glance at you. Completely devoid of recognition. Of course, you understood at once, you were nothing more than a night call. You had been delusional. Those nights where he stayed up listening to you talk about your life, your worries, your dreams, they had been nothing more than two people who couldn't sleep.

Alekesander with his stupidly beautiful face never loved you. And Aleksander with his ridiculously dulcet voice never would.

Footsteps quickly approached from behind. An arm wrapped around your neck.

“Alekshmnr-!”

You tried to call out his name but was muffled by a rag pressed against your mouth.

You thrashed your body and kicked at the legs of the man behind you but within a few moments your nose began to burn and your vision was stolen to darkness.

***

There was nothing. Then gradually, the thrum of an engine.

Head lolled to one side, you toed the line of consciousness. That was until the van drove over a bump, jolting you awake. Your eyes flashed open but your vision was obscured: a sack had been pulled over your head. You went to remove it but your hands were bound behind your back.

Panic shot through your blood. You couldn’t understand what was happening.

“Is she Grisha?” A voice asked, coming from the front of the van.

“She didn’t raise her hands to attack,” someone answered.

The voice replied disappointedly, “We won’t get much for her then.”

You hadn’t thought it possible but your panic doubled. Slavers. They clearly didn’t know who you were. No one in their right mind would think to kidnap the Darkling’s diplomat… Who were you kidding? A diplomat was replaceable. They were right. You weren’t anything of value.

Whatever fate awaited you, no one would come to your rescue. You curled your knees to your chest.

After a long while, the roads grew jagged and rough. Overgrown hedges swished across the van doors and stones rattled beneath the tyres. Then the van came to a slow halt.

Adrenaline had been pumping through your veins for so long that it felt like your limbs were made of static electricity. Men rustled around you, getting out of the van, then strong hands hooked beneath your arms and dragged you out the back. You tried once more to struggle free. But no one believed you’d be able to fight him off, especially not yourself.

The breeze disappeared from your skin once you were pushed inside a building. Heavy doors closed behind you and then the bag was ripped from your head.

Blinking away the painful glare, you assessed your surroundings. The walls were browning and the paint was chipping away. Not much decorated the room, just cardboard boxes strewn around. Whatever this place used to be, it was certainly abandoned now.

Before you could decipher any more, a hand on your back shoved you forwards. You were pushed into a makeshift meeting room. Your eyes whipped around, trying to soak in as many details as possible. A table - covered in documents - sat in the middle with rat-bitten chairs scattered around it.

The men filed into the room. You counted six of them.

The man with the broadest shoulders made a ‘come hither’ gesture to a man at his side. The broad man was handed a needle containing a milky orange liquid.

Your eyes widened and your mouth let loose a “no.”

You’d heard horror stories about it before, you’d even lost friends to it: jurda.

You flailed once more, stronger now the sense of threat was striding towards you. From behind, a man clutched your shoulders, keeping you in place. That made it easy for the broad man to jab the needle into your neck and push the syringe.

Jurda grasped you quickly, spreading through your limbs and turning them to mush. It even reached your brain, slowing your thoughts and making it impossible to think coherently. And yet the panic remained.

Another order was barked, “Strip her.”

“No!” The words sloshed from your mouth.

The straps of your summer dress slid from your shoulders and the rest of the garment fell to the damp concrete. Even with the jurda, you could feel the cold prick at your skin, causing your hairs to stand on end.

The broad man gave a subtle nod of his head. Frowning, you weren’t able to figure out the meaning. It started to become clear when the man behind you gave you a sharp shove down onto a chair. And then a man dropped down in front of you. Placing one hand on each of your thighs, he pried your legs apart as far as they would go. Then he crawled between them so you were unable to close them again. Not that your limp muscles could put up much protest.

He dragged your pants down your legs and left them at your ankles. You’d never felt so exposed in your life, so vulnerable. You couldn’t bring yourself to look down at your vulva, on display for all to see. And you couldn’t bring yourself to look at the expressions on the men’s faces, you were sure you’d find pleasure there, glinting in their eyes.

Bile rose to your throat. Grimy, unfamiliar hands were slithering up your thighs. Fingers traced your vulva and pried your labia apart. He dipped his head in for a close inspection, breathing faintly onto your sensitive skin. Your mind thought back to the man whose hands, whose face, had been there only a few nights ago. Tears stung your eyes but they didn’t fall.

Withdrawing his hands, he stated – devoid of emotion, as if he’d done this a hundred times before - “Not a virgin.”

“Alright.” The broad man gave another nod.

Your pants were pulled back up and then you were hauled to standing and dragged away. Your feet staggered one after the other. You couldn’t even dream of fighting them off anymore. It was hard enough fighting to keep your face from hitting the floor.

You were barely able to process your surroundings. The lines demarcating the ceiling from the wall seemed to shift and blur. You had to squint to have any hope of figuring out where you were. All you could make out was that you were in a corridor lined with doors. One of the doors pushed open. Before you could refocus your eyes, you were thrown onto a bed. The change in orientation made the room swim violently.

You tried to wriggle into a position where it didn’t feel like the world was spinning but firm hands grasped you, keeping you still. The ropes were removed from your wrists and then quickly replaced by metal chains spreading your arms out to each bed post. You felt like a frog being pinned down for dissection.

There was movement in your periphery and you turned your head to see a man sliding an IV drip into your wrist. More jurda. You’d promised yourself you wouldn’t do jurda after what had happened to your friends. The tears fell freely now, dripping down the sides of your face and wetting the pillow. Jurda was the least of your concerns.

The men gathered around you, staring at their job well done. You could no longer make out any details, just six faceless bodies looming over the bed.

“Please,” you begged weakly.

They turned their backs and the door closed behind them, leaving you shrouded in darkness.

Scene of Love // The Darkling x Reader

Summary: The moment Aleksander realizes he’s in love.

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova (The Darkling) x GN!Reader (Shadow and Bone)

Word Count: 797

Warnings/AN: None. P.S. running out of Aleksander gifs that include just him so if you are a gif creator... hint hint.

Quick Links: Masterlist // Request Guidelines

Beyond the Little Palace laid a pond.

The pond was small, the color of sage, but reflected the sun as it shone above. Its alcove covered by heavy yields of trees; every one different. Their barks bending or white, leaves turning from green to an alluring array of autumn shades.

The cove was the color of the golden sun.

From the distance he kept, Aleksander reveled in the silhouette of you.

As the water nearly glowed, your face had been turned aside. A slight overturn on your right shoulder, Aleksander found himself incapable of looking away. His gaze set, drawn to the creature before him that illuminated with the light. Your distinctive features ornately carved by the beauty of the early afternoon, drawn to life by a slight movement of your lashes fluttering, the tilting of your head upwards toward the sun. A brilliant shining diamond amidst a sea of natural occurrence.

Your head jutted over your shoulder, etching him into your vision with a coy, demure smile before shifting forward once more.

It was so simple, so easy to imagine the joy you emitted.

Aleksander had forgotten what that was like. How it felt to be free of burden or task; his duty to his goal was too great of an accord to focus on something as benign as love. Aleksander had resigned himself to a life of distance, of apathy and sorrow. Needs met and fulfilled by passing faces to never be thought of again, reticent to the defining moments of life missed. Aleksander had never allowed himself to love—until you.

You were everything he was not. You were kind, good. A warm heart and hand to hold when days carried that burden too heavily; a forgiving smile for the mistakes he had made in the past. You learned from him, talked with him, understood him like no other. The blame of his choices were not scolded onto him. The one he loved did not act superior to him or ask to be treated as less. You were an opposite equal: someone who demanded the same respect and status but held hands instead of breaking them.

Your heart was amiable.

The way your eyes shone in the light of the golden forest, he wondered how they could gaze upon him with an affectionate lust. He was bad. A clichéd villain of type, while you provided his good. Yet you remained standing as he drank in the sight, relishing in your own mind how his eyes ranked over your form over and over in complete adoration—even if he hadn’t vocalized it just yet.

It was a rather simple concept, love. The action was difficult. A process of understanding another’s faults and convictions, truths and hardships. In the end, Aleksander would realize he needn’t know any of those things about you to love you. Love didn’t have to be complicated. It could be as simple as admiring another from a far and falling in love with their minute movements and playful gaze.

It was enough to make the heart pump faster. Enough for his words to cease and grow forgotten in his memory. His palms perspired further, his stomach feeling lighter and tougher at the same time. Hypothetical, banal butterflies filled its space with a realization that he had never felt such a way before.

Aleksander was in love. He was in love with you and while he may not admit it aloud in a few moments or months ahead, he would never forget the second he realized the feeling was real. It wasn’t a children’s story or fairytale to expand upon with lies, it was absolute. A near palpable emotion that invaded every sense and smell. Everywhere he turned, you were lingering in his vision or nose. The scent of your body, the trail of your fingers or eyes, the romance that flowed freely from them; easy to give, to maintain and protect, although he hadn't ever realized it.

How easy it had been to give his heart away when the right one stood lengths away, your own heart already given and captured by the shadowed man aside the trees.

As the emotions breached the stone-cold fortress around his heart, Aleksander forever engraved the sight before him as the sun encapsulated his reason for further existence. Purpose flowed with love, surged his desire to protect and ensure a prosperous future. For a man who had convinced himself he was not suitable for love, not worthy of feeling the very vulnerable emotions that accompany it, Aleksander had found it. Locked safely in the golden woods beyond Os Alta, a memory secured in his heart and mind eternally.

Aleksander may have lived many lives, had many names, but he would only ever have one love: you.

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Beauty and the Beast ~ Darkling/Aleksander

One, two, three, four

Do any of your guys tumblr searches ever look like this?

....now i may have a type

~ Shadow And Bones ~ Aleksander Morozova X F!Reader

Point de vue Asteria :

J’entre dans la chambre de Aleksander et claque la porte derrière moi, il sort de sa chambre et me regarde en fronçant les sourcils. 

-Quand comptais-tu me mettre au courant ? Ai-je tonné.

Il plisse les yeux, faisant un léger mouvement de tête sur le côté. Il le fait exprès pour m’énerver, il sait très bien de quoi je parle.

-Aleksander Morozova ! J’exige une réponse !

-Tu exiges ? Je n’ai aucun compte à te rendre, je suis ton Général.

-Je ne te parle pas en tant que Colonel mais en tant qu’amie ! Pourquoi tu ne m’as pas prévenu de l’arrivée d’Alina Starkov ?! Pourquoi je n’ai pas été prévenue et invitée à sa première rencontre avec le Roi ?! 

Il contourne sa grande table centrale avant de se placer en face de moi, me surplombant de bien deux têtes voire trois. Il pose délicatement une main sur ma nuque avant de me rapprocher violemment de lui, me faisant geindre de douleur. Ses yeux sont sombres de colère me faisant déglutir difficilement. 

-Je sais qui elle est pour toi. J’ai simplement voulu te garder loin d’elle.

-C’est ma sœur…

-Et tu sais ce qu’elle fera de toi ? Elle fera ce qui est dicté dans la prophétie.

-Alina ne sait même pas se servir de ses pouvoirs, comment veux-tu qu’elle me tue ?

-Elle est puissante et apprend vite. Obéit. Reste loin.

-Alors le temps qu’elle est au Little Palace je n’ai plus le droit de revenir ?! C’est ça ton super plan pour me sauver la mise ?! 

-Arrête de réagir comme une enfant. Garde le contrôle sur la Seconde Armée. Tu peux faire ça pour moi ?

Il m’embrasse le front alors que je ferme les yeux pour profiter de la sensation de ses lèvres sur ma peau. Alors qu’il allait se détacher de moi j’attrape son kefta noir et l’attire à moi, enroulant mes bras autour de son torse. Je le sens soupirer avant de me rendre mon étreinte. Il m’embrasse le sommet du crâne avant de venir chuchoter à mon oreille.

-Je viendrai te rendre visite mais s’il te plaît, obéit à mes ordres. Reste loin de Alina, d’accord ?

-Tu pourras lui faire passer un message de ma part ? S’il te plaît, juste un seul.

-Asteria.

-Je t’en prie, Alek. S’il te plaît. Pour moi.

Je pose mon menton sur son torse et le vois lever les yeux au ciel, observant longuement le plafond, réfléchissant à sa réponse.

-Bien, juste un seul. Quel est ton message ?

-Que je l’aime et qu’elle est et restera toujours ma petite-sœur. 

-Asteria, oublie ce lien…

Il soupire, prenant mon visage entre ses mains, caressant doucement mes pommettes de ses pouces. 

-Dors ici ce soir, tu repartiras demain, à l’aube.

-Tu feras le chemin avec moi ?

-Je dois rester ici. Tu le sais.

-Je peux dormir avec toi ?

-Tu n’es plus une enfant…

Il ricane alors que je lui fais les yeux doux, il finit par soupirer, le sourire aux lèvres.

-Très bien, mademoiselle Fell. Il est tard, allez vous laver dans ma salle de bain, je finis mon plan d’attaque.

-Merci Alek.

~ Shadow And Bones ~ Aleksander Morozova X F!Reader

Point de vue omniscient :

Lace se tient droite comme un piqué en face du Général Kirigan, la jeune mère a les mains jointe sur son ventre plat, regardant le Général droit dans les yeux.

-Que puis-je faire pour vous, Madame Fell ? Lui demande-t-il avec un fin sourire.

-Je suis venue vous parler de Asteria. 

Kirigan se redresse et bombe le torse sans même y faire attention. Il incline la tête sur le côté et fronce les sourcils. Il s’approche de la bourgeoise résidant à la cour du château.

-Moi et mon mari voudrions l’adopter. Elle serait une Fell. Avec un bel avenir.

-Hors de question. Avec moi, elle est en sécurité.

-Tous les enfants la craignent pour ses dons et se moquent d’elle. Tout le monde à la cour sait qu’elle est une orpheline du bas peuple. Général, si vous voulez vraiment son bien, vous acceptez mon offre.

-Quelle offre ? Je n’y gagne rien. Repartez.

Il lui tourne le dos et se poste à une fenêtre, regardant justement Asteria jouer dehors avec quelques gardes qu’il a envoyés pour la divertir. Lace le rejoint, observant la petite fille de huit ans rire aux éclats. Un fin sourire s’installe sur les lèvres pulpeuse de la jeune femme contrastant avec l’air préoccupé du Général.

-Elle se mariera à l’un des fils du roi et de la reine. Elle pourra devenir reine de Ravka.

Il détourne son regard sur elle, la regardant perplexe à ce qu’elle dit. Elle lui offre un sourire d’autant plus grand.

-Je ne vous l’arrache pas, Général. Tout le monde sait que vous voyez bien plus en elle qu’une simple élève. Mais avec mon mari et moi, elle aura un climat familial et stable. Elle grandira dans l’amour et la protection d’une famille soudée et bienveillante.

-Vous faites cela juste pour que votre famille accède au trône.

-Ne voulez-vous pas qu’elle obtienne du pouvoir ? 

-Là n’est pas mon but principal. 

-Vraiment ? Alors les cours intensif et entraînements répétitifs ne sont pas installés pour la faire gagner en pouvoir ? 

-J’agis pour son bien à elle et pour tous les grisha. 

Sa voix se fait menaçante et ses yeux s’assombrissent de colère. Il la fusille du regard quelques secondes avant de lui tourner le dos, rangeant quelques papiers et cartes traînant sur sa grande table centrale.

-Je pense aussi à elle. Elle sera choyée comme ma descendante directe et les autres enfants et adultes de la cour se verront être forcés de la respecter. Je lui sauve la vie en lui donnant la possibilité d’être la future reine de Ravka. Pensez-y.

Un silence se fait dans les appartements du Darkling. 

-Quittez mes appartements.

-Je vous laisse réfléchir, j’attendrai votre réponse.

Elle quitte les appartements du Darkling la tête haute et l'air assurée, sachant qu’elle a insinué le doute en lui. 

Plus tard dans la journée, Aleksander vient chercher la petite Asteria dans sa chambre alors que les dames de chambre venaient tout juste de finir de la préparer pour aller au lit. En le voyant entrer tel une furie, elles se courbent en avant puis sortent en souhaitant bonne nuit à Asteria. Aleksander se met assis sur le matelas de qualité de la petite, l’invitant la seconde d’après à s’installer auprès de lui.

-Que penses-tu de la famille Fell ?

-Les garçons sont gentils. Mais un peu bête quand même.

-Et Madame Fell ?

-Lace est très gentille. Elle m’aide à cueillir des fleurs des fois.

-Et son mari, que penses-tu de lui ? Il a l’air de confiance ?

-Il m’aide avec mes devoirs que l’apparat me donne. Mais ne le dit pas, c’est un secret !

Aleksander lui offre un sourire qu’elle lui rend. Elle prend soudainement sa main et le tire avec elle au lit. Il se laisse faire et s’allonge sur les draps alors qu’elle passe sous la couette, se rapprochant de lui. Il l’entoure d’un bras, profitant de sa proximité avec la petite fille.

-Tu aimerais vivre comme Madame Fell ?

-Je veux devenir comme elle. Belle, gentille et influente. Tu la trouves belle, toi ?

-Elle est jolie, oui. Mais tu deviendras plus jolie qu’elle.

-Avec des belles robes et des bijoux qui brillent ?

Elle relève ses yeux noirs pétillants de joie vers le visage du Darkling plus fermé. Il remarque alors cette étincelle de bonheur et d’espoir dans les yeux de sa protégée. Il lui sourit avant de soupirer en haussant les épaules.

-Rien n'est impossible pour nous.

-Parce qu’on est trop fort !

-Parce qu’on est trop fort, c’est ça.

-Et quand je serai la plus forte, tous ceux qui auront été méchants avec nous seront punis.

Elle baille longuement avant de s’enfoncer un peu plus dans les bras du Général. Ce dernier a les yeux baissés sur elle avant de soupirer et de se retirer lentement, faisant grogner la petite.

-Je vais te laisser dormir petit ange. Fait de beaux rêves.

Il lui embrasse le front mais avant qu’il puisse se relever elle retient sa kefta noir.

-Reste avec moi cette nuit. S’il te plaît.

Il la jauge du regard un instant avant d’acquiescer à sa demande. Il retire ses bottes et quelques uns de ses vêtements, gardant un simple haut noir ample et son pantalon de la même couleur. Il se met sous les draps, Asteria venant directement se coller à lui. Il enroule ses bras autour d’elle et pose son menton sur le sommet du crâne de la gamine.

Le lendemain matin à sept heure lorsque les dames de chambre entrent dans la chambre d’Asteria elles sont toutes aussi surprises les uns que les autres de voir le Darkling dormir à point fermé avec la petite dans ses bras, se serrant l’un contre l’autre comme s’ils avaient peur d’être arraché de leur étreinte. Celle qui dirige le petit groupe de jeune femme leur fait signe de rester silencieuse et de quitter la pièce.

~ Shadow And Bones ~ Aleksander Morozova X Child!Reader

Point de vue omniscient :

La petite-fille court aussi vite que ses petites jambes le lui permettent, slalomant entre les grisha adulte qui filent à leurs occupations, râlant ou esquivant de justesse la petite protégée du Général Kirigan. D’ailleurs c’est lui qu’elle fuit, dans moins de cinq minutes elle a cours avec la Général mais ne voulant aucunement y aller elle essaie de trouver désespérément une cachette dans le Little Palace. Elle finit par rejoindre la bibliothèque et se cache au bout d'une des allées.

Quelques minutes plus tard, des pas retentissent nonloin d’elle. Le Général n’est plus qu’à une dizaine de pas de l’enfant. Il incline la tête en avant, un sourire naissant sur ses lèvres alors qu’il voit le petit corps se recroqueviller sur lui-même pour se faire encore plus petit.

-Mademoiselle Asteria Fell, vous êtes une nouvelle fois en retard pour votre entraînement. Lui fait-il doucement remarquer alors qu’il s’approche lentement d’elle. 

La petite relève la tête avant d’essayer de déguerpir mais en un pas Kirigan la rejoint et lui attrape fermement son petit bras dans sa grande main. La petite hurle à plein poumon contre Général qui secoue la tête de droite à gauche, dépitée par l’enfant. Il la traîne sans violence derrière lui, s’excusant auprès du conseiller spirituel du roi qui les regardé s’éloigner. Kirigan finit par la prendre dans ses bras, le tenant fermement contre lui alors qu’elle se débat avec hargne, alternant entre petite gifle et faible coup de pied. Il soupire lourdement, entrant dans ses appartements au lieu de sortir dehors pour l’entraînement. Il rejoint le coin consacré à sa chambre et jette la gamine sur le lit. Elle lâche un cri de surprise avant de se calmer, repoussant ses cheveux en arrière. Elle regarde le Général avec un mélange de crainte et de détermination dans les yeux.

-Tu ne veux pas devenir plus forte, très bien. Je ne perdrais pas mon temps à entraîner quelqu’un qui ne veut rien faire pour progresser. Conclut-il en la regardant droit dans les yeux.

Ne s’attendant à aucune réponse de sa part, il lui tourne le dos, s’apprêtant à rejoindre sa table centrale pour avancer dans ses plans. Cependant il l’entend se déplacer dans les draps, cela le fait s’arrêter avant de passer l’encadrement de la porte reliant sa chambre à son bureau.

-Les autres enfants me traitent d’hérétique noir.

Il ne peut s’empêcher de rire avant de se tourner vers la petite-fille. 

- Toi ? La future hérétique noir ? Ils ne savent pas de quoi ils parlent.

-Peu importe, ils ont tous peur de moi !

Le ton énervé de sa protégée le fait taire alors qu’il plisse les yeux, ne sachant quoi lui répondre. Il la détaille, remarquant alors que sa lèvre inférieure commence à trembler. Il fronce les sourcils et s’avance d’un pas. La petite éclate en sanglots avant de se cacher sous les draps du Darkling. Il s’humidifie les lèvres et ferme les yeux quelques secondes avant de quitter sa chambre. Il s’installe contre son bureau et essaie de se concentrer afin de peaufiner ses plans maléfiques mais les plaintes de la petite-fille à quelques mètres de lui l’en empêche. Il lève la tête au plafond avant de mettre sa kefta noir sur ses épaules et de sortir de ses appartements, mettant deux gardes devant sa porte et leur ordonnant de ne pas laisser sortir la petite.

Il fait le tour des jardins du Little Palace, attendant que les cours des autres enfants grisha se terminent. C’était déjà la fin d’après-midi, les températures se faisaient de plus en plus fraîches, les rapprochant de l’automne. Le Général se fit alors la remarque qu’il passera sûrement plus de temps avec Asteria, elle n’aime pas le froid, cela la rend mélancolique et susceptible, comme si sa joie et son tempérament de feu la quitter en même temps que le soleil d’été. Elle vient donc souvent dans les appartements du Darkling pour trouver du réconfort. Sans compter les nombreux orages qui viennent avec cette saison froide, la petite-fille en a une peur bleue.

Du coin de l’œil il remarque alors le groupe d’enfant grisha qui aime tant embêter sa protégée. Leurs parents sont plutôt bien placé dans la haute société grisha, ils se pensent peut-être tout permis puisque leurs parents ont du pouvoir. Il s’avance auprès d’eux, le visage fermé avant de leur faire face. Chaque gamin s’incline légèrement en avant avant de baisser leurs yeux sur leurs chaussures.

-Je crois vous avoir déjà aperçu proche de ma petite Asteria Fell. Je me trompe ?

-Non, monsieur. Répondent les enfants en chœur.

-Ne l’approcher plus jamais, est-ce que je suis assez clair ?

-Nous ne lui avons jamais fait de mal, monsieur. On veut juste jouer avec elle. S’exclame un petit garçon en relevant son regard vers le grand homme.

Kirigan lève son regard avant de s’abaisser à la taille du petit et de poser une main sur sa frêle épaule, le rapprochant vers lui. 

-Je sais ce que vous lui faites et ce que vous lui dites. Un jour viendra où celle que vous traitez de monstre deviendra votre cheffe. Ne vous avisez plus jamais de l’importuner. Ou je vous le ferai payer. Menace-t-il avec une voix calme mais menaçante, ses yeux noir de colère faisant trembler les enfants. 

Tous les enfants acquiescent alors qu’il se relève. Il leur fait signe de disposer, les enfants se hâtent de partir en courant  alors qu’il reste pour les observer, un fin sourire fier sur les lèvres. 

-Tu terrorises les enfants maintenant ? Intervient la voix cassé de Bahgra, sa mère.

Il soupire avant de se tourner vers elle.

-Ils terrorisent Asteria. 

-Elle doit s’endurcir.

-C’est une enfant de 8 ans.

-A 8 ans tu n’en faisais déjà qu'à ta tête.

-Elle n’est pas moi.

-Marche avec moi.

Il lui présente son bras alors qu’elle s’y accroche, les deux grisha se dirigent alors vers les serres du Little Palace.

-Tu aimes cette petite, n’est ce pas ? Je le vois dans tes yeux.

-Elle est promise à de grandes choses. Mais pour le moment elle s’entiche des insultes des autres enfants. Ils pensent qu’elle est la nouvelle hérétique noire.

-N’est-ce pas ce que tu attends d’elle ? 

Aleksander s’arrête subitement avant de se tourner vers sa mère, le regard perdu. Elle le note dans un coin de sa tête, cette petite fille est définitivement son point faible. Il l’aime comme la prunelle de ses yeux. 

-Où se trouve-t-elle maintenant ? Demande-t-elle.

-Elle pleure dans ma chambre. Cachée sous les draps.

-Fais lui un cadeau. Réconforte la. Aleksander, cette petite… Tu ne peux pas faire d’elle un monstre comme tu l’es devenu. Tu n’en as pas le droit. Ne laisse pas les autres noircir son coeur pure.

Il n’a pas le temps de lui répondre qu’elle lâche son bras et quitte les serres. Il finit par soupirer et rejoint finalement ses appartements après avoir cueilli l’une des dernières Dahlia restant dans les serres du jardin. Les gardes le laisse entrer, il dépose la fleur sur la grande table centrale avant de retirer sa kefta et de la déposer sur l’un de ses fauteuils en velours noir. 

-Asteria ? Appelle-t-il.

N’entendant aucune réponse, il rejoint sa chambre et la voit alors endormie, enroulée dans ses draps. Il incline la tête sur le côté avant d’émettre un ricanement, souriant face à la bouille endormie de la petite qui partage le même don que lui. Il vient proche d’elle et lui caresse ses longs cheveux noirs, contrastant avec le blanc de sa peau. Asteria papillonne des yeux avant de poser sa petite main sur celle de Kirigan. Il lui sourit, descendant sa main pour lui caresser le visage.

-Tu t’es bien reposée mon ange ?

La fillette baille en réponse, le faisant un peu plus sourire. Il se relève alors et part chercher la fleur de Dahlia qu’il a trouvé dans les serres. Il la ramène vers la gamine et la lui montre. Elle se redresse en une position assise et prend doucement la fleur dans ses petites mains. Elle sourit et l’apporte à son nez avant de se mettre debout sur ses jambes, allant embrasser la joue du Général. Celui-ci entrouvre ses lèvres, surpris de son geste, si doux et pur. 

-Les enfants ne t’embêteront plus, mon ange. Tu peux être tranquille à présent.

-Tu leur as fait peur ? 

-Je les ai mis en garde, rien de plus.

-Pourquoi ils pensent tous que je suis un monstre ?

-Parce qu’ils ont peur de l’hérétique. Mais tu ne le deviendras jamais, d’accord ? Je suis là pour te protéger. Je ferais tout le sale travail qu’il faut faire pour te préserver.

Il se penche vers elle et colle leur front l’un contre l’autre en fermant les yeux. La petite fille sourit avant d’enlacer tendrement le Darkling.