Dashboard Commentary - Tumblr Posts

I’m hearing about and seeing a whole lot of tiddies on my dashboard.

Onyx stared blankly at her TV. Octavio was stepping down as king?! "No way... It cant be.. It just cant be!... THIS IS AWESOME!!!!" After calling up the others and telling them the news, there was a massive party going on in Onyx's apartment.

"This might have just been my best shift yet." Onyx smirked. "I'm only B+ rank and I almost got to 120 golden eggs. Nice."

"this is easily one of my favorite tracks from Off The Hook." Nine grinned. "I may be sanitized, but I'm not uncultured."

"EEEEEHH???! Inklings can glow?! AWESOME!!! I need to research this immediately!" Nine squealed, running away excitedly.

INKLINGS CAN CANONICALLY GLOW

"Need help tracking him down, Emperor? If he has his phone on him i can try and use that to figure out his location." Nine failed to hide her amused grin.

“My darling brother put bubble bath in the jacuzzi and now the bathroom is completely flooded with foam. Conveniently, he’s nowhere to be found.”

"Will do, and i'll let the others know to keep an eye out for him too. Seven sets of highly trained eyes are better than one, after all!"

onyx-and-friends‌:

“Need help tracking him down, Emperor? If he has his phone on him i can try and use that to figure out his location.” Nine failed to hide her amused grin.

“No, he’ll have thought of that. I’m sure he’s just in the city somewhere, waiting for me to get fed up with looking. If you find him tell him I’m very disappointed.”

"Ouch. Ive gotten put in a crew of two on high tide at salmonid smoke yard before with the n-zap 85 and.. Splatterscope. And I'm at profreshonal rank."

Haha wait what

uH Mr. Grizz?? I wanna go home I can’t do this a—

NOOOOOOOO

Oh god oh god oh Jesus Christ—

mR. GRIZZ WE HAVE A PROBLEM

ONE OF YOU DUMPSTER BASTARDS WOULD BE FIRST

HELP

"Shes got a point!" Nine shouted. "Even though I met my demise at girl power station, my baby brother Agent Eight saved the world in my stead, and freed me in the process!" The sanitized octoling agent grinned proudly.

“Cod.....missions in heels are no fun.” Callie huffed. Marie nodded. “True. They hurt.”

“Oh, come on, can’t be that bad.” Theo chuckled.

“Just elevated shoes.” Jesse added.

“.....” Octa stared at them. “OBVIOUSLY NONE OF YOU SAVED THE ENTIRE WORLD IN HEELS-“

"Wait.. So.. Callie fused with Dj Octavio..?" "And Marie fused with the Commander..?" Onyx and 216 shared a confused look, although onyxs was mostly hidden by her shades. "They look awesome!!!" They squealed in unison.

Dj.Call and Tarie 

//Nobody: Not a single soul: me at 3:51 am: the milky eminence jacket and navy eminence jacket are splatoon versions of that damn dress

“What the fuck is this shit I’m hearing? I’d sooner shoot myself in the fucking head than sit around making goo goo eyes at Red Hood of all people! Ms. Li, if I ever lose it and start moping after some punk ass chump, put me out of my goddamn misery ASAP! That’s an order!”

“Everybody’s moping and acting like they’re carrying the damn world on their shoulders like some dollar store version of Atlas...”

Has absolutely no idea what Onlyfans is.

“Dunno what he’s getting so worked up about, most people in this city couldn’t make a good pizza if their life depended on it. If he wants to make one that badly, I suppose I wouldn’t mind giving some pointers on how to make one that’s authentic instead of that fast food slop...”

@the-arkham-librarian​ said: “If I find out who this is-“ - [x]

“My bad, seems there’s always a rat or two scurrying around these days. My best man’s already on the job so they ain’t got long to squeal. You know how the old saying goes, dead men tell no tales.”

“Eyeballs aren’t like other organs. Sure, they’re squishy if you play around with them nicely but start getting a little rough and you’ll find that inside, they’re actually crunchy.”

“I’m still finding those little shits stashed all around the place.”

The sound of glass smashing can be heard in his office, a high pitched scream following suit before something heavier gets broken. The muscle standing guard outside glance at each other apprehensively before shuffling away from the solid wooden doors which could fly open at any second but they remain closed, the man inside continuing to reign destruction within the confines of his work station. Roman was beyond pissed. His chest heaves as he stands in place, looking down at the shattered remains of his desk - a pile of gleaming mahogany stares right back at him, thousands of dollars worth of furniture ending up worthless in an instant but still his rage is not sated, eyes burning like fire as he glances down at the shattered phone on the floor. Red Hood was supposed to have been his kill. Now that pleasure had been snatched away, just like so many other things he’d wanted in life but was denied, dangled tantalizingly within arm’s reach only for it to end up getting yanked away before he could actually get it. Red Hood ending up dead by another’s hand only rubbed more salt into the wound, souring his mood further that of all people who ended up taking the bastard out, it was the fucking clown. 

”Was that fucking it!?!? All this time I’ve been planning something special and I ain’t even the one who does him in??? Fuck that!!” The window shatters as the largest intact fragment of his desk flies out, probably on it’s way to hit some unlucky bastard walking down below. Roman doesn’t care. His eyes remain fixed on the broken screen where the image of a gory splatter was frozen upon the moment he’d broken the thing, heart hammering inside his ribcage like the steady beat of a war drum.

“Croc’s a lotta things but he ain’t no squealin’ rat, that’s damn sure...”