Deancas Engagement - Tumblr Posts
Some Destiel fluff for y’all, hope you enjoy it!
@bonchickabelle thank you for inspiring me and encouraging me to post my writing, I hope you enjoy it🤗💛
He’s never really said it. It just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that he hadn’t come to terms with his feelings, he knew now for nearly a decade how he felt about Cas. It also wasn’t fear of what John – he didn’t refer to him as his father anymore – would think, or rather do, if he knew. Dean couldn’t care less about his father’s opinions these days. He was happy about who he was. He was out and proud to a point were Sam got annoyed by the amount of gay jokes Dean made. (Charly reassured him that Dean would eventually “grow out of it”, that it was completely normal to obsess about his newly embraced identity after having suppressed this part of himself for so long, but Sam wasn’t so sure about that.) So yeah, it wasn’t like anything held Dean back anymore from saying those three words to Cas. He just ... didn’t.
When he got Cas back from the empty, he immediately hugged him like his life depended on it, not entirely sure that this wasn’t just a cruel dream. When Cas hesitantly whispered his name, he interrupted him with a sigh. His right hand grasping Cas’ hair, he buried his face in the bow of his neck and grumbled “You can have me. Of course you can. Always did”. He squeezed him once more before he pulled back and was met with the same expression of pure adoration that he saw last right before the empty ripped Cas away from him. He loosened his grip in Cas’ hair and let his hand slide down to cup the angel’s face instead. Cas understood Dean’s longing glance at his lips and bridged the gap between them, letting his lips touch Dean’s ever so softly. Dean felt himself melting into their kiss, first hesitantly, then more firmly, his lips parting to taste Cas’ tongue against his own. When they stopped to catch their breath, foreheads resting against each other, Dean mumbled in a raspy voice “Never do this again, okay dude? Never leave me again.” The moment was perfect. He didn’t need to say anything more and he wouldn’t even have had the time. After the two were forced to sit through a quick obligatory welcome-back-to-life-round with the others, Dean pulled Cas into his room where the angel showed him happily what the pizza man had taught him.
He never had to say it. It was obvious how he felt for Cas when he introduced the angel as his devastatingly handsome boyfriend and bragged about him whenever he got the chance, when he woke Cas every morning with soft kisses and called him sunshine, when he somehow always gravitated towards Cas, some part of him always brushing against his partner, as if to make sure he was really there. After Cas had gifted Dean his grace in a little vial so that they would be able to grow old with each other, Dean even fed Cas with the pie he had made for himself that morning because “now that you can taste food again, I’ll be damned to waste another day without you trying some goddamn homemade pie”. Dean’s feelings were obvious whenever Cas woke up at night and Dean, although sound asleep, pulled him a little closer as if he wanted to tell him that he was safe. It was crystal clear how Dean felt about Cas because he was so openly, blatantly in love with him, it was impossible to ignore.
So yeah, Dean never had to say the big three words, because Cas knew. And Dean knew that Cas knew. It’s not like he didn’t want to say those three words. But after Cas’ speech, he felt like the bar for a romantic speech was pretty high and he wasn’t exactly good in talking about his feelings. He was sure that he couldn’t possibly express in words how he felt for Cas. How could he fit feelings this big in just three words? It wouldn’t do their love justice. He felt clumsy, like him coming out with these words for the first time would just make him sound like a sappy teenager from some crappy high school romance movie. Like they would sound silly, inaccurate. When Cas confessed his feelings, it was the most wonderful thing Dean had ever heard. Back then, he was frozen in utter disbelief that an angel could feel love this way and that THIS angel, the most precious soul in existence, could feel this way for HIM, Dean fucking Winchester. Sometimes he wished he had a recording of Cas’ speech, because even though he remembered every damn word, he’d do anything to see this moment, the moment that changed his life forever, unravel again.
Dean always beamed with happiness whenever Cas spoke those three words. Ever since he got back, he’s been constantly saying them. He said them when he woke up to Dean’s kisses, when they went to bed, when they finished up some chores, when Dean made him wear a cowboy hat to watch old westerns and when Dean made him smile with a silly joke Cas didn’t really understand. He must have repeated those words a million times, but somehow, they never lost their meaning. Cas always stated them like a fact, so sincerely and honestly, like he was stating a universal truth. And although Dean never failed to reply to Cas’ declarations of love with a kiss, a loving smile or a simple “and I you, Cas”, it wasn’t the same as actually telling Cas himself that he loved him. And Cas deserved to hear it.
Lying awake yet again, Dean ruminated about this topic yet once more. He felt so incredibly lucky, the love of his life sprawled over him, breathing quietly, Dean’s hands running through his hair and over his back. He never thought he could have this and he had been okay with it. Just having Cas in his life was enough for him. But now that he had everything he could have ever possibly wished for – living a peaceful life in the bunker with Sam, Eileen and of course Jack, who visited them whenever he could, real freedom to do whatever he wants for the first time in his life and, most importantly, the love of his life sleeping in his arms – he would be stupid to take any of this for granted. To take Cas for granted. To not show him the love and appreciation he deserved. To not tell him. A smile found its way onto his face as he checked the clock. He had been awake since 2am. Now it was almost 5am. He gently brushed over Cas’ cheek. “Cas? Wake up sunshine” Cas grumbled, clueless why Dean would wake him at such an ungodly hour, but he felt that Dean was up to something. After some very convincing wake up kisses he agreed to get up and let Dean lead him to baby. After a short drive, Dean parked at a nice viewpoint.
“Do you mind telling me why you dragged me out of bed this early?” Cas muttered, shivering in the cold morning air. Dean sat down next to him on the hood of the Impala and wrapped a blanket around his grumpy boyfriend. Dean scrambled to find the right words. “Fuck it”, he whispered almost inaudibly. Cas tilted his head in question. “You know I’m not good at this, expressing my feelings and everything...” He lifted his head to meet Cas’ eyes. “I love you Cas. And I need you to know that”. A nervous smile flickered across Cas’ face. “I love you too, Dean...” he cleared his throat “...But... I know how you feel for me. So why did we drive here in the middle of the night? Is something wrong with you? Are you ill?” His eyes scanned Dean, as if he was looking for a sign what was wrong. Dean let out a nervous laugh. “No man, look, I just... Damn it, I can’t even do this right”. He ran a hand over his face before looking at Cas again. “See, I never told you that I love you, but you deserve to hear it, even if you know it anyways.” Encouraged by Cas’ fond smile he took his hand. “And... umm... so this is just a stupid human tradition, but with you being human now maybe you’d like to... umm, so...” Dean bit his lip and exhaled sharply. “Do you want to marry me, Cas?” Without hesitation, Cas broke into a smile and nodded. “Yes, I would very much like to do that”. As the sun started to rise in the background, Cas cupped Deans face and admired him for a moment, then Dean leaned in and kissed his fiancé deeply. In between kisses, he murmured against Cas’ lips “I love you, I love you so freakin’ much.”