Deathconsciousness - Tumblr Posts
untitled no. 17
i just want to scream. i don’t have words. trying to figure out songwriting when i no longer write like i used to.
“chronic: can last for years or be lifelong.”
little snippets from middle school and lives that no longer exist, at least the way they used to.
picked up a guitar again, started carrying stickers and a white lighter with me wherever i go.
i am growing into a sad child.
its a shitty collage of words, it forms a picture but it’s not a pretty one.
and yet i can’t put my finger on what makes me sad and empty, which is perhaps what sets me apart from people who are just sad.
thirty feet below me are theatre kids projecting their shitty transatlantic accents out to an old theatre with nasty orange seats. i can't understand what they're saying but the audience laughs occasionally. something interferes with my headset and buzzes data indecipherable to me.
i’m laying, staring up past the black light into the ropes of our single purchase system, contemplating the consequences of climbing a little higher and falling a little farther.
it follows me everywhere.
or maybe i drag it with me without even realizing it. like we’re chained up, unsure, terrified, unwilling to know what life is like without it.
(i make it so obvious for anyone with any clue about me. i wonder what you think about it.)