Doc Screams Into The Void - Tumblr Posts
“and then i realize nobody would notice.
does that mean that all is hopeless?”
why wont you save me
should i give up
holy god im not good at art again
what the hell i do now that was all i was good at what the fuck why cant i animate anymore what happened
does anybody want to hear about anything like like i am very not good and i will talk about anything rn does anybody want to hear about my obscure Hatchetfield ideas or why hlvrai is cool or literally just tell me how your day went
please
Things I did today I did not do yesterday:
Eat Lunch
Drink 4+ bottles of water
Didn't cry
Interacted with 5+ people
Was only nonverbal for <20 minutes
Briefly admitted my issues to somebody
Accepted help (reluctantly)
ouch I hate being deficient in every vitamin (because I forgot to eat for multiple days in a row) cuz I just sat down and I got lightheaded and hit my head
again
there is a wall dent from my hitting my head on the wall
:(
still thinking about that poll
toople doople i want to kms hows you guys days going
fuck fuck fuckity fuck I can’t fucking do this it’s fucking over I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do anything at school right now in this room I need to leave I need to hide somewhere I need to disappear I need to fucking help help help help help help help help please I’m sorry I’m sorry for asking it’s okay I’m sorry nevermind I need help please if you can please if you want
I’m scared nobody will be able to help me I’m scared I’m sorry that I’m saying I’m scared because it isn’t any of you guys jobs or even something you should worry about but I don’t know if I’m going to be okay and I just need to express my fear because I’m not okay I will not be okay I will not be okay I will not be okay please
im only physically safe because theres people in the room with me
i
please help me
its not fucking fair that im like this
that im too fucked up of a barely person i cant feel deserving of any comfort
but i want it and i cant get it because im scared and even when i ask i am ignored again and again and again and again and again and ive realized now that its not about my problems, its about me being a pathetic fucked up excuse of a person who doesnt deserve mind or space or air
i want somebody to fucking maul me like an animal just fucking go to town with a hatchet or a brick or a knife of a car or a cord i want to be unrecognizable i want my body to be a John Doe and for nobody to ever fucking care when they find it so it can reflect my pathetic fucking life
nobody is going to care when they find my body
please please somebody please fucking say anything to me please somebody can hear me right somebody can see this help fucking fucking help I need help anything please even just say hi just say hello to me I need to know I exist before I fucking kill myself please please fucking god I’m begging you please I will do anything I’ll do fucking anything
I hate myself I hate you I hate everything I hate my blood I hate my skin I hate the air I hate feeling I hate being able to feel the air like it’s physical I hate your voice I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you fucking please kill me kill me please I’m a wounded fucking animal somebody needs to shoot me put me down please please fucking kill me please please
I’m so fucking sorry for this I’m so fucking sorry I’m sorry whatever I say I don’t mean whatever I do I’m sorry and I didn’t mean it and you were completely fine and I’m sorry
I don’t hate you, mutuals, I swear to god I love all of you so much (/p) and I’m sorry and I’m sorry and maybe I’ll be fine I’ll probably be fine I’m a fucking coward im sorry im sorry im sorry
nine minutes, and THEN I can go hide under the stairs and fucking sob