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Lithium Days

Men in white coats will often tell you the truth about your brain

It is an objective truth that objectivity wears a uniform

Honesty comes in the form of diagnoses

And medication lists

Side effects and symptoms

Men in white coats have often told me the truth about my brain

I built a religion out of acid trips

And

Manic episodes

I teach others about it

There's a set of rules and roles that define our society

I'm afraid of society

I'm afraid of the roles

And the rules

I'm afraid of the expectations

Nineteen years old

that's when I lost my mind

I have an ego

I think I have a beautiful mind

I'm concerned for what it will look like in fifteen years

I spend all my best words on the things i feed my body

Sex

Drugs

Art

I don't feel as hopeless as I used to about my situation

Art will always be my first lover

It occupies my time and my heart

I've learned a lot in the last three years

I've learned that acid connects are often artistically inclined

I've learned my line stepping is habitual

I've learned it's not about what I can give so much as it is what they can take from me

I divide my world into bite sized boxes

Stranger box

Acquaintance box

Friend box

Family box

I'm truly a master at compartmentalization

I make it look easy

I have an ego

Objectively, I know I'm not in a great place

But

I often find myself thinking there's no one I would rather be