Englightenment - Tumblr Posts

Why I'm happy for screwing up

So excuse me for any and all nonsense in this post.  I just returned from the bar and I am insanely drunk out of my mind.  Where do I even begin with this one... okay...

So let's start with tonight.  I met Mr. D tonight for the second time.  We re-introduced ourselves and had a small conversation.  Mr. D is an insanely attractive fellow and teaches at a high school in Metro Denver.  He could easily model with boyish good looks, fashionable hair and excellent clothing taste that reveals his muscular frame, and he showed up at the bar I frequent with his boyfriend tonight.

We started talking long before I moved to Colorado.  We were both members of a gay site and his profile has stated that he played cornerback for a D1 football team in the South.  I also thought that he was really good looking, but when we talked (and he did respond), he seemed to convey strong disinterest in talking to me, so I let bygones be bygones and respected his wishes.

Fast forward to last pride.  My buddy and I were at a diner post-bar close, when a handsome man and I were talking in line.  It had been awhile at that point since I even had been online, but we started talking about movies.  After, we got our respected tables.  He comes over to me at the end of the night and gives me his number the old fashioned way and tells me that he thinks I'm hot.  We text briefly, and then suddenly stop for reasons I don't remember why.

After the basic backstory is all said and done and I reconnect with him, I learn a few things:

1) Sometimes age is important when it comes to dating.  Since he is in his 30s and I'm only 22, we are clearly in different parts of our lives.  I'm currently in the closet to most of my family (especially since the parts of my family who live close to my grandma is tight knit and my cousin is a Calvinist Minister with some books published) and haven't established a career or a plan to come out and eventually hopefully settle down and establish a family.

2) Sometimes you have to learn to let go.  Mr. D. is a really good-looking guy, and as I have said before, he could easily/have easily modeled (especially during his college football playing days) and he has some wisdom and leadership, as that comes with being established in the teaching profession for a number of years.  I think he's out, but like I have said, I have no idea how to even start to come out and unwind some of the lies I started telling my family.

3) Confidence booster: holy shit I can actually snag a guy like that.

So, tumblr, I'm laughing at myself right now, as well as kicking myself.  Overall, it's kind of a catharsis that I need to learn for now and adjust for life, but I figured I'd just share it publicly on the net for anybody who is willing to listen.  I'm open to constructive criticism about it, but that's just my drunken ramblings for the night.  I hope you can take some bona fide wisom out of this drunken rant.

Cheers,

Z Man