Evening Thoughts - Tumblr Posts
#eveningthought
Today I was at the cemetery to visit my drawing teacher's grave, bring him flowers and ask him to keep his fingers crossed for me during the exam. He had been my teacher only for three years, but he was the best teacher ever. I spent amazing time with him, during plain air in beautiful old town. I remember all of time with him. The moment that we were sitting near the church fence and painting the gate. I felt like a child in the fog and he was guiding me, my patient teacher. We were laughing together, gossiping about my st00pid mates. He always spoke kindly to me, despite the fact that some of pupils saw in him only the strict and demanding teacher.
It's been over a year since you've been gone and I feel like I can call you or visit your office even now. I miss you and your watercolor classes. You always said you can't paint well, but you were the best for me. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Ok, I’m done. When I was a teenager I hated all those vampires “comedies”. But yesterday I rewatched Twilight after those long years and I like it... It's not a cinematic marvel, but it was quite ... enjoyable.
23/100
25.01.2023
✔️Norwegian Duolingo ✔️Attended classes ✔️3d model of interior for uni project ✔️Report for construction classes
Yesterday I saw the first friend I met at the new university who dropped out of college. It was a strange meeting. I'm always surprised how people think I'm super brainy. Also that evening, a super-duper friend came over and bought me a new sketchbook to sit down and draw with me once a week for an hour. Isn't that adorable? Plus, she brought real bubble tea with real tapioca, not gummies. What a nice evening it was! Sometimes, when I’m commuting, I think that I’m really lucky person. I meet really nice people on my path. I spent a great time. I have a great support system. No more tears!
29-30/100
31.01.2023-01.02.2023
First month is behind me! It was such a great time. I feel much more organized and my work is more systematic.
✔️ Norwegian Duolingo ✔️ Presented my project at uni classes ✔️ Passed physics exam!!! ✔️ Had diploma consultation ✔️ Baked a cake ✔️ Cooked a soup
Now let me tell you about the irony of being systematic. I promised myself that I would do things on time and not put them off. Today I had a project presentation at the university and I was the only one who NOT stayed up all night to finish the work. I was just THAT well prepared that I finished on time and could sleep. You don't even know how remorse I had that I didn't stay up at night and polish this project. That I could have done better. If I slept, it means I didn't give it my all. OMG but college is ruining the brain.
It's good that I put my health above my studies anyway. I also talked to a therapist about it. She always reminds me of my eternal dissatisfaction with myself and my work.
Remember to appreciate yourself! Take care of yourself this evening.
what am i doing with my life
I always feel like I'm wasting my time playing The Sims. I could do all these activities in real life. Often my characters are similar to me, and despite it I plan their time better than I do for myself. All these decisions seems so easy in The Sims. If you want to lose weight, you go to the gym or go jogging. If you want to paint better - you paint a lot. If you want to raise some of your qualifications - you read books on the subject. Why is it not so easy in real life? Why don't I just sit down and start painting if I really want to be better painter? In The Sims 4 they have fears of failure (like me hehe), and I boldly confront them with it. It's time to get inspired by Sims life, hahahah
The hard thing about being compulsively productive is coming to terms with the impossibility of being productive. In a few days I will be recovering from surgery, my brain can't cope with the thought of having to let go. Of course, I take language learning books and other hobbies with me, but that's just silencing my thoughts. During these few days before the surgery, I will try to learn to let go and give my body and brain a rest.