Friends (or Lack Thereof) - Tumblr Posts
Internal conflict
(WillWare is sitting on a couch with a laptop. Enter Smart Alex.)
Smart Alex: What are you doing?
WillWare: Very little.
Smart Alex: Well, I could tell that much. You're just sitting there.
WillWare: Actually, I could be doing a number of things by "just sitting here," but I'm not even doing those right now, for some reason.
Smart Alex: Then why don't you do something?
WillWare: I want to do something... but I don't really feel like it.
Smart Alex: So you want to, but you don't want to...?
WillWare: Yeah, I guess that sums it up.
Smart Alex: Well, you'll never do anything at that rate. Are you at least breathing?
WillWare: I'm always breathing, smarty.
Smart Alex: Then you ARE doing something.
WillWare: How does that help me at all?
Smart Alex: It helps justify you doing nothing else.
WillWare: I don't NEED justification, else I'll do nothing more than I already am. What I need is motivation.
Smart Alex: You could go make some friends. That might help.
WillWare: And be social? No thanks.
Smart Alex: (looks over at laptop screen) Says the guy sitting at the home page of a forum.
WillWare: That's just words, though. I can take my time formulating them instead of coming up with them on the fly while keeping up with the conversation at hand.
Smart Alex: Yeah, I can tell you're not very good at that.
WillWare: Thanks for the encouragement. And besides, the hardest part of making friends for me is just that - talking to a complete stranger completely out of the blue and asking to be their friend or however it works.
Smart Alex: How did you EVER make friends at school?
WillWare: I don't know. I think most of them just talked to me first. Whatever it is, I don't have the motivation to make friends, so it won't help me do things here anyway.
Smart Alex: During the school year, didn't you always say you wanted to be able to just do nothing for a while so you could have a break? How's that working out for ya?
WillWare: It's not. I guess I did have motivation then, though - I would "take a break" and do something else besides work so that I could willingly procrastinate.
Smart Alex: You're doing that right now!
WillWare: No kidding.
Smart Alex: No, I mean you're taking a break from all these things that you consider "fun" because they're so much work. You just need some time to do absolutely nothing, because the school year was draining. It was your senior year, was it not?
WillWare: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I want to take the whole summer off from having fun. That's what summer's about. This is the last summer I can willingly take off and not have to work, so I want to spend it doing fun things.
Smart Alex: So you have the exact same reasons for working and not working?
WillWare: ...what?
Smart Alex: You don't want to work because you spent the whole year working, and you'll have to work for the rest of your life after this. Yet you want to work (on fun things) because you spent the whole year working, and you'll have to work for the rest of your life after this.
WillWare: I guess that about sums it up...
Smart Alex: Looks like you're stuck in a loop, then. Either you want to do something or you don't. You won't figure it out like this. And with you stuck in your reasoning, trying to figure out how to motivate yourself, you end up doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. You may just have to tell yourself to do something.
WillWare: But--
Smart Alex: No, wait, let me answer that one for you: "But that takes work!"
WillWare: That's not what I was going to say.
Smart Alex: Then what was it? Or does saying that require effort too?
WillWare: I was GOING to say that it wasn't enough to get me moving.
Smart Alex: No willpower? What's your name again?
(WillWare stares sternly at Smart Alex.)
Smart Alex: Anyway, I have somewhere to be. I'd invite you, but it involves... other people. And effort. You have fun with whatever you decide for yourself. (Exit.)
(Momentary silence.)
WillWare: (to himself) I think I need some friends.
(WillWare resumes typing on his laptop.)