Internal Conflict

Internal conflict

(WillWare is sitting on a couch with a laptop. Enter Smart Alex.)

Smart Alex: What are you doing?

WillWare: Very little.

Smart Alex: Well, I could tell that much. You're just sitting there.

WillWare: Actually, I could be doing a number of things by "just sitting here," but I'm not even doing those right now, for some reason.

Smart Alex: Then why don't you do something?

WillWare: I want to do something... but I don't really feel like it.

Smart Alex: So you want to, but you don't want to...?

WillWare: Yeah, I guess that sums it up.

Smart Alex: Well, you'll never do anything at that rate. Are you at least breathing?

WillWare: I'm always breathing, smarty.

Smart Alex: Then you ARE doing something.

WillWare: How does that help me at all?

Smart Alex: It helps justify you doing nothing else.

WillWare: I don't NEED justification, else I'll do nothing more than I already am. What I need is motivation.

Smart Alex: You could go make some friends. That might help.

WillWare: And be social? No thanks.

Smart Alex: (looks over at laptop screen) Says the guy sitting at the home page of a forum.

WillWare: That's just words, though. I can take my time formulating them instead of coming up with them on the fly while keeping up with the conversation at hand.

Smart Alex: Yeah, I can tell you're not very good at that.

WillWare: Thanks for the encouragement. And besides, the hardest part of making friends for me is just that - talking to a complete stranger completely out of the blue and asking to be their friend or however it works.

Smart Alex: How did you EVER make friends at school?

WillWare: I don't know. I think most of them just talked to me first. Whatever it is, I don't have the motivation to make friends, so it won't help me do things here anyway.

Smart Alex: During the school year, didn't you always say you wanted to be able to just do nothing for a while so you could have a break? How's that working out for ya?

WillWare: It's not. I guess I did have motivation then, though - I would "take a break" and do something else besides work so that I could willingly procrastinate.

Smart Alex: You're doing that right now!

WillWare: No kidding.

Smart Alex: No, I mean you're taking a break from all these things that you consider "fun" because they're so much work. You just need some time to do absolutely nothing, because the school year was draining. It was your senior year, was it not?

WillWare: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I want to take the whole summer off from having fun. That's what summer's about. This is the last summer I can willingly take off and not have to work, so I want to spend it doing fun things.

Smart Alex: So you have the exact same reasons for working and not working?

WillWare: ...what?

Smart Alex: You don't want to work because you spent the whole year working, and you'll have to work for the rest of your life after this. Yet you want to work (on fun things) because you spent the whole year working, and you'll have to work for the rest of your life after this.

WillWare: I guess that about sums it up...

Smart Alex: Looks like you're stuck in a loop, then. Either you want to do something or you don't. You won't figure it out like this. And with you stuck in your reasoning, trying to figure out how to motivate yourself, you end up doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. You may just have to tell yourself to do something.

WillWare: But--

Smart Alex: No, wait, let me answer that one for you: "But that takes work!"

WillWare: That's not what I was going to say.

Smart Alex: Then what was it? Or does saying that require effort too?

WillWare: I was GOING to say that it wasn't enough to get me moving.

Smart Alex: No willpower? What's your name again?

(WillWare stares sternly at Smart Alex.)

Smart Alex: Anyway, I have somewhere to be. I'd invite you, but it involves... other people. And effort. You have fun with whatever you decide for yourself. (Exit.)

(Momentary silence.)

WillWare: (to himself) I think I need some friends.

(WillWare resumes typing on his laptop.)

This chart should give you an idea of what I've been doing recently (read: all summer).

Each color matches up with an activity; the size of the circle is how much I've been doing the activity; the overlap between circles is how often the activities happen at the same time.

It's kinda depressing until you realize that I've had little better to do all this time. Strangely, I can't wait for college just so I can stop waiting for something else to happen.

Also, INTERNET.

The song's composer, Hideki Naganuma, posted it to his Soundcloud (https://soundcloud.com/hideki-naganuma). It was the first thing he put up, so it's all the way at the bottom. There's some more good songs on there, if you browse around.

For anyone out there who also liked Sonic Rush’s music, here’s an unreleased track: the original version of Ethno Circus.

I’m hoping Naganuma also releases the original Get Edgy at some point. I just wish I could buy this track instead of having to listen to it online… IT’S SO AWESOME

I've learned something interesting about the weather:

If the clouds get darker than your morning coffee, it's probably going to get really bad.

This is true no matter how you like your coffee, and it holds for tea drinkers as well.

It has taken me sixteen months, but as of today I have finally finished my Mari0 mappack, New Super Mario World!

I wrote all about it on the forums. You can see it and download it via this link.

I've been in Memphis on vacation with my family for the past week.  It was pretty nice; we ate at the Rendezvous, visited Mud Island, walked down Beale Street, the usual. While it was all a novel experience, one thing does stand out to me about our trip:

MEMPHIAN DRIVERS ARE ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.

That is all.