Funny Poems - Tumblr Posts
Ladies and Gentlemen, skinny and stout,
I’ll tell you a tale I know nothing about;
The Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Now pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight;
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A blind man came to watch fair play,
A mute man came to shout “Horray!”
A deaf policeman heard the noise and
Came to stop those two dead boys.
He lived on the corner in the middle of the block,
In a two-story house on a vacant lot;
A man with no legs came walking by,
and kicked the lawman in his thigh.
He crashed through a wall without making a sound,
into a dry creek bed and suddenly drowned;
The long black hearse came to cart him away,
But he ran for his life and is still gone today.
I watched from the corner of the big round table,
The only eyewitness to facts of my fable;
But if you doubt my lies are true,
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too
The Monitor and the Merrimso By Tomas Babby
When the rebel commander had sunk the Cumberland,
And the gallant frigate Congress, was burning by his band,
Said he, we'll sink all Yankee ships that keep us in the blockade,
For the Mac is good for every thing that ever Yankee made;
So get a little nearer---
Make ready, boys, and fire,
And we'll play them the tune call'd Virginia never tire.
Ho! pilot, at the lookout! just cast your eyes around,
Ere we sink the Minnesota, that now is fast aground.
The pilot look'd with quizing eye, as loudly he laugh'd
There comes a Yankee cheese-box a-floating on a raft;
Let her get a little nearer,
We'll sink her the first fire,
For we'll play the tune the called Virginia never tire.
And soon the gallant Monitor came down up-on the Mac,
And gave an introduction with a devll of a whack;
She made the monster stagger, the captain was alarmed
To see a Yankee cheese-box with bolts of thunder armed;
Let her get a little nearer,
Animal reserve our fire,
And we'll play the tune the called Virginia never tire.
But Worden, of the Moniter, was not the lest afaird
And heavy were the compliments he to Virginians paid;
He bang'd her fore, he bang'd aft, and broke her iron skin;
He pelted her between the rips and let the daylight in;
Says the rebel to his ire:
Ho! pilot, your a liar,
For the devil's in the cheese box, and the Virginia must retire.
In all my travels at sea I never saw a craft
So dreadful as this cheese-box a-floating on a raft,
For every shot she gives the Mac her iron fabric shakes;
Let us no longer try her,
We cannot stand her fire,
We'll have to play a new tune, Virginia will retire.
Here's to the health to gallant Worden, and all his dauntless crew,
That fought against the the Merrimac and prov'd their courage true;
May the caution give a just reward, nor let them run adraft
Who fought the Yankee cheese-box a-floating on a raft,
And the nation we admire
The patriotic fire
That made them change their tune to the Virginia will retire.
The original article
Oh, it’s bacon, bacon, bacon!
“Now that I’m protestin’ — oh, I’ve suffered silence long —
It’s fancy food I’m cravin’, for me system’s goin’ wrong.
Oh, it’s bacon, bacon, bacon,
Till your belly’s fairly achin’
For some biscuits or some hot cakes that in your mouth would melt ;
There’s no German dog could dare me,
No fear of death would scare me,
If I only had some chicken a la King beneath me belt.”
American soldier’s verse – Yanks A.E.F. Verse – Photo: WW1, Meuse, France, American depot filled with smoked bacon – La Contemporaine.