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Crowley shifting into protective husband mode

#Aziraphale didn’t know he was starving for Crowley’s love until he tasted him.

Ok, we all know the Metatron needed Aziraphale and Crowley separated. It's a scene that’s launched a thousand metas and speculations like the Coffee Theory and Aziraphale Lied. So now, here's a slew of what are undoubtedly reiterations: There’s the distinct impression that Mr. ‘To-speak-to-me-is-to-speak-to-the-Almighty’ Metatron has gotten a little too big for his britches. Various reasons could account for this - maybe he thinks it's impossible for him to do wrong because he’s literally on the side of the angels. Or he’s been doing this so long hearing radio silence, he’s gotten into that mindset that the Almighty has somehow chosen to disappear, like that sense of all-importance when your boss has been gone for an infinitely long time and you’re left calling all the shots. There’s also a tiny probability that Metatron has ‘vaulting ambition’… In any case, the Metatron is not shy about pushing the agenda, using anything from bribery to authoritarianism to accomplish it. He’s downright dismissive of Michael, Uriel, and Saraqael and condescending towards Muriel, people he knows he’s already got well under his thumb. With Aziraphale, however, he changes tactics, bringing him coffee, the illusion of a hefty promotion, and throwing in Crowley’s reinstatement as the clincher. There’s been so many beautiful posts and analyses illustrating Metatron’s deviousness, describing his actions as exceedingly exploitive. There’s a high probability that he manipulates Aziraphale not out of the belief he'll be an asset, but the fact that Aziraphale and Crowley together is a liability. The music over that dark side-eye carries a foreboding implication:

The Metatron does not care for Crowley.

Many proposals have been offered as to why this is, such as the theory that it was the Metatron who cast Crowley from Heaven for asking too many questions. Or perhaps the Metatron doesn’t necessarily see Crowley as a singular threat, but his influence on Aziraphale is another matter. Or it might be their influence on each other that his heckles raised. We've all seen it - where Crowley was ready to bolt when his mistake was caught and Armageddon seemed inevitable, Aziraphale remained steadfast in his determination to stop the War. But when Aziraphale gets it into his head that following a cause blindly is the best thing to do, Crowley snaps him out of it. They accomplish their goals together. Looking back over it, the predominant thing Aziraphale and Crowley did to help stop Armageddon was give Adam the pep talk he needed to defeat Satan. Before then, the Metatron believed he had just another good little angel in Aziraphale, a featherbrained minion who did as he was told. But then Aziraphale was gradually tempted by a demon, not necessarily into doing wrong, but into disobedience. Perhaps that is what Crowley represents to the Metatron, and the Metatron needs to be rid of it. The mix up was an honest mistake, Arthur Young being at the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time. But, of course, who was the other party involved in that mistake? Who first got it into his head that Armageddon should be stopped? Who held time to give our heroes a moment of reprieve for that pep talk? What if all the angels suddenly decided they didn’t want to obey anymore? What if they didn’t want to fight? The Metatron's got to nip that rotten apple in the bud…

Well, we can't have that now, can we? "The point is not to avoid the war, the point is to win it." Well, that old chestnut didn't exactly work on Aziraphale, did it? The Metatron can’t order Aziraphale about anymore as if Aziraphale were a diligent foot-soldier. Both Aziraphale and Crowley have indeed gone native, adopting the most human thing of all: free will. Now, from a rudimentary understanding, neither angels nor demons can technically force a being with free will into doing anything. But they can persuade them one way or the other. Metatron knows this, and by god, he is good at it. Dozens of posts explain just exactly how he does this reaching right into Aziraphale's heart and fears. And in true angelic fashion, never does he even bother to acknowledge that Aziraphale " ...[doesn't] want to go to Heaven," or advise Aziraphale to consider what Crowley would want when presented with the opportunity to restore his ‘divinity.’ It's almost a parallel with Sitis - does she want to give birth seven more times? It doesn’t matter. “God” wants Job to be rewarded for loyalty, and Sitis was a conduit for that reward.

Another parallel between the story of Job and Aziraphale is an upstanding individual who staunchly wants to follow the Almighty's path, but he has a companion who’s more on the independent-thinking side - when something they care about is threatened, they acknowledge Heaven’s cruel treatment. The distinction here, however, is Job had the chance to speak to the Almighty themselves, not just the ‘mouthpiece,' and he had a decent pair of guardians looking out for him. Crowley and Aziraphale did the right thing by him and his family in keeping the children safe, while the other angels (and most definitely the Metatron) were content to let them die. It’s like neither angels and demons (barring two…well, four now) have any concept of emotional connection. But the Metatron does understand connection, and for him it's a magnificent tool. He deliberately uses it against that once good little foot-soldier who’s gone AWOL. Not once does he try and convince Aziraphale that he’s strayed, but he maneuvers him into thinking that he and Crowley going back to Heaven is his own choice. Aziraphale likes doing the righteous thing, actually having an impressive work ethic when it's something he believes in, and what could be better than working as top boss in the Head Office of the Good Place? Aziraphale might see himself not only being the source of 'doing good,' but the one who can do the best thing there is and make changes for the better in Heaven itself. As discussed many times, the Heaven Aziraphale thinks he could create is the epitome of goodness, and, most of all, it can be a safe space for Crowley and him to be together. Aziraphale already assumes that this is what Crowley would want, and that Crowley’s retains ‘unhappiness’ as a Fallen due to no longer being an angel. The Metatron knows otherwise; not one person in the fandom believes he didn’t already know the outcome- that Crowley would say no. Again, there are so many brilliant posts highlighting why the Metatron had no intention of Crowley becoming an angel again. There’s the question if he even can. In fact, can the Metatron or any angel decide if an angel will Fall or a demon…er, Rise? That might present an alternative reason as to why Gabriel was demoted instead slated to Fall, because Metatron technically doesn’t have that kind of authority. In any case, it’s a ‘bluff’ that Aziraphale falls for hook, line, and sinker, and this time not even Crowley is able to convince him to stay. Now Aziraphale is driven by a cause he believes in, and perhaps he assumes that once he can prove to Crowley that he can change things in Heaven for the better, Crowley just might change his mind. By the same token, Crowley also might be holding onto that little shred of hope that Aziraphale will eventually come to his senses. It isn’t the first time the Head Offices have had them separated after all, and for all we know it’s not like it’s suddenly forbidden for them to talk to each other (though it probably won't be encouraged either). The Metatron, however, perhaps intends for the very opposite – to have Heaven change Aziraphale, which can only be possible without Crowley. Not that Aziraphale matters to the Metatron in the Great Scheme of Things (beyond his stubbornness being a force of nature), but at least he won't be fighting against the so-called Great Plan.

Then there’s the theories on the Metatron's motivations for this - for example, he could be concerned with how powerful Aziraphale and Crowley are together. And whether or not this popular theory proves to be true (though it carries a ton of weight), he can’t risk an interfering tag team preventing Armageddon again anyway; the Second Coming is approaching, and the Metatron is trying to be ahead of the curve this time. Gabe and Beez? Probably aren’t his top concern since they just want to run away from it all, not exactly the most active threat to the Great Plan. In fact, maybe the Metatron took into consideration the small chance that Aziraphale might just take Crowley up on the suggestion of going off together (prompted by the Archangel job offer in the first place), and the problem would be solved regardless.   It's also likely that the Metaron expects Aziraphale can be pressured or swayed back on board. With Aziraphale implementing that kind of determination on the side of Heaven again, maybe this time Crowley will retaliate or even abandon Earth altogether out of anger or heartbreak. Either way, the Great Plan will go forward. It's a win-win in the Metatron's mind. Game. Set. Match.

i hope crowley doesn’t move on from this quickly, i want aziraphale to have to FIGHT for him the way he’s fought for aziraphale for so many years. i need crowley to go into whatever they end up having with zero doubts of azi’s feelings and loyalties, and that’s gonna take some fucking WORK

Aziraphale's favorite color is yellow

my personal take: no way Crowley wasn't in the hippie sphere. I didn't even make her hippie enough