Good Ineffable Omens - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

We are sleeping on the fact that Aziraphale is heaven's biggest princess. He just has to make puppy dog eyes at Crowley and he folds. He politely asks inanimate objects for favors and they bend backwards for him. I for one think he absolutely deserves it

This is amazing! 🤣🤣🤣

Metatron: Almighty, it’s done.

God *hungover*: Wait, what’s done?

Metatron: I told Aziraphale ‘fuck Crowley’. So he did.

God *groans*: You weren’t actually meant to tell him… ah never mind, at least they finally did it. Six thousand years is way too fucking long. Satan said it’s gonna take them at least ten thousand, so I won. Again. Fucking brilliant. I’m gonna call him. Tell Aziraphale I can marry them when they’re free.

Metatron: ……. M-marry them?

God: ???

Metatron: ???

God: Metatron?

Metatron *sweating*: Yes?

God: I feel like your fuck is different to my fuck.

Metatron: Aziraphale! Where is the report! The plans for the Second Coming! Why is the Archive still a mess!

Aziraphale *looking up from his Pinterest board of cottages, interior design, gardens, Bentley things, his drawings of Crowley, and the folder of all the secret pictures Heaven took of them over the years so he can frame them later, as well as food pictures, map of where Crowley has been, and updates from the Ritz*: Oh! I’ve been very, very busy. You will love the result of my hard work! ☺️

God: Aziraphale. This is your judgment day.

Aziraphale: Well. I always tried to be a good Angel.

God: You fell for a demon.

Aziraphale: A Fallen Angel.

God: Same thing.

Satan: Not really.

God: Yes, it is.

Satan: No. We are the First Fallen. Don’t throw us in the same bag with basic demons.

Aziraphale: Exactly. I have standards.

God: Either way.

Aziraphale: Okay, I did. That’s not my fault.

God: You have acted on it. That is your fault.

Aziraphale: Technically that is your fault.

Satan: Oh!

God: A… what?

Aziraphale: You’ve created him. He’s your baby.

God: Well…

Aziraphale: So who made him beautiful?

Crowley: *turns red*

Satan: *snorts*

God: Aziraphale…

Aziraphale: So you’ve made him the prettiest Angel out there. And gave him the best personality. Made him a literal perfection.

Beelzebub: Ok, that’s subjective.

Aziraphale: You fell for Gabriel, you have no right to opinion.

Beelzebub: Hey!

Satan: He has a point.

Beelzebub: You shouldn’t even be involved in this. You’re subjective since you fancy Crowley.

Satan: It is called having a good taste. Which you don’t have.

Beelzebub: Gabriel has a personality he just doesn’t like you. Or Crowley.

Crowley: Good.

God: Anyway. Falling for him when he was an Angel makes no difference, Aziraphale, because when he became a Fallen Angel you still pursued him.

Crowley: He didn’t pursue me.

God: He pretended to be in danger and waited for you to rescue him.

Satan: I knew it.

Crowley: Wait, really?

Aziraphale: Lies and slander.

Crowley: *smirks*

Aziraphale: Well, that’s Satan’s fault.

Satan: What have I done this time?

Aziraphale: You made him even prettier.

Satan: Well, you don’t make your crushes uglier.

God: He has a point. You told me you jumped in to take Crowley out of boiling sulphur so he wouldn’t change. And then all you did was give him a tattoo and pretty snake eyes.

Crowley: Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Aziraphale: You were thrown into boiling sulphur?!

Satan: You didn’t tell him that?

Crowley: Why would I tell him that?

Aziraphale: I thought when you fall you have a nice demon take you to Hell! Like when I thought I fell and you came for me!

Satan: Oh boy.

Crowley: Well you were upset enough.

Random Angel: Awwh.

Aziraphale: So you, God, created the prettiest Angel with the best personality, then you kicked him out of Heaven, and Satan took over and made him even prettier. Where is my fault in this?

God and Satan: Well.

*silence*

Satan: You weren’t planning to do anything to them anyway, were you?

God: Yes, I did.

Satan: Oh, have a day off, what are we gonna do on Friday evenings if not watch catch up on these two. You’re gonna cancel my favourite tv show?

God: You are irresponsible.

Satan: You make all the decisions, I deserve this one. Aziraphale and Crowley, you’re free. Fuck off. Do your worst.

God: Do your best…!

*They’re both already gone*

*They just hear a mumbled “SATAN FANCIES YOU?! BOILING SULPHUR?!”*

God: NEXT!

Imagine Crowley getting a letter to complete Company’s Annual Report for the Fell and Co Bookshop and he’s so confused.

Why on Earth are they sending letters to him, with red writing saying URGENT on top of it?

So he calls them asking what they’re on about and says he doesn’t own that bookshop, it belongs to Mr. Fell.

And they say that Mr Fell has always been on time and completing the reports before the deadline, except now. And they tried to get in touch with him but he’s unreachable. So they had to contact his business partner.

Business partner?

Crowley is even more confused.

So he looks at the documents again and indeed.

Company directors:

Aziraphale Fell and Anthony J Crowley

This is Aziraphale that lives in my head.

…Apology accepted…

Yes, I made his curls look like little horns.

Ohhh.. I'm all in for the obliviosly sexy fem Aziraphale and femme fatale Crowley 💜

How beautiful my moms! 💕🛐

I then you hear Aziraphale yelling "Crowley going on date with Satan?!?!?" while running to the elevator 🤣🤣🤣

Satan: Hey, God?

God: Why do you always call me so late?

Satan: I’m the child of darkness.

God: You’re my child, you idiot.

Satan: Oh we’re back to parenting responsibilities? Hilarious. Anyway. Can you watch Hell for me for one night?

God: What? No!

Satan: Come onnnnn.

God: I can send Metatron over.

Satan: Ew. No.

God: Why not?

Satan: He had Aziraphale leave Crowley and you want him to watch my home? Don’t be sick.

God: Aziraphale made his own choice.

Satan: A stupid ass choice, but I’m not here to argue, I’m busy with important things.

God: Why do you want a night off?

Satan: Crowley invited me out.

God: You’re… you’re going on a date?

Satan: Why, you’re jealous?

God: Of who?

Satan: Touché. Your son is asleep not making any more wine, so we’re going to nightclubs to get shitfaced, and probably die of alcohol poisoning. If you just watched the space for one night…

God: You’re not supposed to be going to Earth!

Satan: Said who?

God: Me!

Satan: Well, you don’t make the rules here, so.

God: It is in your contract!

Satan: Actually, Crowley read my contract and explained it all to me, and said it’s bullshit and you can’t hold me accountable to anything, because when you casted me out any contracts between us broke, so having Metatron spew out this bullshit just before you kicked me out was a waste of time.

God: …

Satan: :)

God: …

Satan: I will go and get dressed then. CROWLEY, WE ARE GOING OUT.

.....

The Gavotte usually ends with a kiss.

...

I saw a thing on X posted about a year ago saying snakes can't see stars. IS THIS TRUE?? CAN CROWLEY NOT SEE HIS OWN CREATION?? EUGHKUHERBK