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My Soul Haruchiyo Sanzu X reader (Angst)

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The concept of death never really mattered to Sanzu Haruchiyo. For the mad dog of Bonten, killing was the same as breathing. Yet, why? why was he shivering? In his line of work, weaknesses are to be discarded. But why did he feel like the world has come to a stop when Mikey ordered him to get rid of you. The love of his life who he knew he never truly deserved. 

Memories of innocence invaded his mind. Every chapter of his life she was there, as his savior, his lover, his queen. Times where she cupped his face in her palms and told him how deep her love flows for him. How he deserved love. She accepted the broken him with no qualms. Always giving him the world. 

Never in a million years had he thought he had to choose between his King or his Muse. Mikey never had a problem with her before but why now? Did Sanzu show vulnerability? Did he portray weakness? Was he not ruthless enough in the eyes of his subordinates? Why did Mikey come to the conclusion that the death of his love will be the answer?

He had to choose. Bonten was his kingdom and his king's word is the law. 

His way back to his safe space didn't feel safe anymore. He felt cold after a long time. He told himself, that it was simply his intoxication or the weather. His hands made their way to the doorknob, wondering how he can make this easy for the both of them. He bit his bottom lip hard hoping that this was just a bad dream. 

She stood there her back facing Sanzu as she was cooking. With the smell of it, it was his favorite. She heard footsteps get closer to her, she smiled softly inside knowing that her lover is right behind her and in a few seconds will wrap his hands around her waist and bury his face in her neck grinning like the lovesick fool he is. 

 "Haru," She called as she turned her head only to meet with her lover with his sadistic smile and a gun pointing straight at her. 

Sanzu watched her eyes widen for a brief second before they went back to their original position. With no fear in her eyes. She softly smiled as she looked at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. She knew him like the back of her hand. That sadistic smile he wore was nothing but a facade. Sanzu could feel his resolve crumbling. He had to do something quickly before the ache in his heart turns unbearable. 

"Let's go to the roof," She said as she made her way toward the stairs and Sanzu followed right behind her. Sanzu felt his legs go heavy, every step he took felt painful. No amount of drugs will help numb his pain. The devil lurking on his shoulder telling him to get rid of her right this moment. A mere minute felt like a century when they met with the stars. She twirled around gently to meet with his eyes, still smiling.

"Hold me Haru," She said as she made her way right in front of him. Sanzu didn't even waste a breath as he wrapped his hands around her, his gun long discarded and laying on the ground. He never held her this tight almost suffocating but she didn't mind. Tears threatened to fall from his lash line as she caress his hair and held him as if he was made of glass. She gently pulled away from him and placed a hand on his cheek. 

"Don't look at me like that!" He yelled painfully, gripping her blouse tight. She moved her lips towards his scar and placed a small kiss on it. Sanzu felt his knees go weak as he unintentionally let go of her. 

 "Let's run away," He ought to say. He wanted to say but... 'Do you really think Mikey will let you get away with it?' The voice in him said. He feared Mikey more than anything in the world. He knew what he was capable of. He was Mikey's slave and Mikey was his king. Betrayal was a lost concept for someone who only knew loyalty.

Why couldn't he choose you?

"Haruchiyo, "She called as he broke free from his thoughts. He found her in a circumstance he knew he never wanted. She stood there on the railing of the roof just a light push will end in death. His eyes were going blurry with the number of tears clouding his vision, yet he never blinked his eyes. 

 "Haruchiyo, I told you whatever your decision is I'll stand by you. Please don't blame yourself, this is something I decided on my own" She said as he paused hoping that he would meet her eyes. She wanted to burn his face in her memory so she can take it to the other world. 

"Compared to your pain mine will be over in an instant." She said as she looked him in the eye internally cursing Mikey for giving her love so much pain.

"Please remember, I love you. In this life in our next life, I will find you. I forever belong to you," She said. her soothing words always gave him courage. His breath hitched as he hoped that he could run to her and simply hope that this was just a nightmare. 

"Don't cry. I'm not going to die. As long as you think of me I'll always be alive inside of you. My soul is always watching over you." She said. She had always been the one to hold both of them, she was the stronger one of the both of them. Even her parting words gave him the strength to move on. 

"Smile Haruchiyo," She said as he did so. That was the least he could do for her. As much as it hurt, she knew this was the end as she leaned back losing her footing and as the wind swayed her hair she looked at the stars silently praying for him to be safe as she met with her end, Haruchiyo yelled. 

He knew that he would never be the same at least not without her.

in the early days when you joined bonten as their new advisor, you spent a lot of time with koko; drawing up business plans, managing the books, overseeing construction on new clubs and buildings.

koko had the nicest office of all of the bonten leaders. it was on the top floor of a highrise in the middle of the shibuya business district. complete with high-end leather and mahogany furniture, and a gorgeous city view.

you'd spent time with each of the bonten executives when you joined and koko was probably your favorite to work with. you found takeomi too serious, kakucho boorish, mochi too macho, the haitani's were exhausting, and sanzu..well..

koko was like you; blunt and efficient with work, a little impatient, maybe a little condescending. you enjoyed your daily work with him in his office. it was always quiet, productive, and his assistants always served the best sencha.

except today.

today when you walked in through the mahogany double doors that led to his office, you were almost decked in the face by a toy rubber basketball.

"he shoots! he scores? no! he misses!" you heard a voice yell, followed by a maniacal cackling.

what...the hell is this? the floor of koko's office, which was normally clean, surgically clean, was littered with teddy bears, squeak toys, board games with their pieces strewn about haphazardly, a jump rope, a putting green, and a trash bin overflowing with crumpled candy wrappers.

the rubber basketball that almost hit your head rolled towards the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves on one end of the room and you saw a kiddie basketball hoop attached to one of the shelves. and below that, sanzu, flopped on his stomach on the floor, a different flavored ring pop on each of his fingers.

"koko..i'm really bad at basketball," he grumbled, picking himself up and walked over to koko's desk, slamming his hands down on the surface, the sudden gust of wind almost blowing the stack of papers in front of koko away.

"oh no, well, why don't you go try the putt putt?" koko sighed, not even looking up from his work, waving his hand in the air like he was shooing away a fly. "ah, y/n! finally, someone sane. please, get over here, i need you to look at something," koko waved you over when he noticed you standing in the doorway.

you made your way across the minefield of toys on the floor and greeted sanzu as he walked past you. "good morning," you smiled cordially.

he sauntered past you, looking down at you through bloodshot, half-shut eyes, his usual sinister smile plastered wide across his face. he'd opened his mouth to say, "good morning, little prin-" but then stepped on a pile of toy soldiers and tripped, tumbling to the floor, his long limbs getting all tangled up in themselves.

"uh... hey, koko?" you took a seat in the armchair beside the desk, setting your laptop down on the tabletop. "what's going on here? where's mikey?"

koko let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes. "sometimes mikey goes off on his own, and when he does, the rest of us have to take turns...babysitting," he nodded at the gangly man with bubblegum colored hair with a plastic toy putter in his hands. "i pulled the short straw today," he sighed, pushing the large binder of documents he was looking at over to you.

"koko!!"

"jesus, what now?" koko looked up, so annoyed you could almost see the steam coming out his ears.

"there's no balls," sanzu pointed at the putting green on the floor.

"well, who decided to ambush people by pelting them with the balls outside the bathroom last time?"

sanzu stared back at koko blankly.

"ugh, nevermind. could you play with something else? y/n and i have work to do." koko scooted his seat closer to you, and began circling a few line items on the page in front of you. "got this today from the guys over at the club in akasaka. these totals look off to you?"

you glanced over the document, and flipped back a few pages and reviewed the itemized lists also included in the binder. "damn," you said, looking up at koko. "these assholes are skimming."

koko opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a sudden loud popping noise. both of you turned to see sanzu on the floor, pulling the heads off of a pile of barbie and ken dolls.

koko raised his hands to his temples, the frown lines between his eyebrows deepening by the second. "jesus christ, this psychotic clown, if he wasn't the number 2 I swear to god-” he muttered under his breath.

"hey, sanzu?" you called out and sanzu's head jerked up to look at you, his eyes suddenly bright and attentive, like a child amongst the sea of toys on the floor.

"yes, princess?" he called back.

"could you go on a coffee run for us?"

sanzu tilted his head a little, confused. "a coffee...run?"

"yeah...you know, to buy coffee?"

he blinked, still confused.

"to buy...starbucks?"

"ah! you want me to buy you starbucks," he suddenly shot up.

"yes! yes, please, for me and koko, that would be great," you smiled, thinking you were finally getting somewhere with him.

he walked over to the desk. "anything for you, princess. and you can call me haru," he hummed, taking a bright pink ring pop off his finger and sliding it onto your ring finger, and a blue one onto koko's ring finger. "be back in a flash."

he turned to walk out of the office, whistling and not bothering to avoid the toys scattered on the floor, simply stepping on them as he went.

the doors closed behind him and you turned to koko, "now we can get some work done."

"let's hope he takes his time," koko rolled his eyes, sliding the ring pop off his finger, holding onto only the plastic part as gingerly as possible, a disgusted look on his face because he could tell sanzu had definitely licked the candy already.

"is it always like this when mikey's away?"

"sanzu? yeah, pretty much. but mikey tolerates him cus he's been with him longer than any of us, he's his loyal mad dog," koko sighed. "but that bastard's insane. apparently back in the day he got moved back and forth between all of mikey's captains cus nobody could handle him."

"wow. yeah, i guess i can see that," you glanced over at all the toys scattered on the floor. "seems pretty tough for you too."

"oh, i've actually done the best with him," koko scoffed. "last time, he was the haitani brothers' responsibility, they decided to take him to a hostess club. thought it'd be a good distraction for him. crazy maniac decided to pay for all the women there."

"all of them? that's..that's a lot-"

"no, that's not the crazy part. he paid for all the women, and then made them line up against the wall with liquor bottles on top of their heads and he used them for target practice." koko ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "anyway, who knows when he's gonna be back so we should try to get as much done as possible while he's away."

you nodded. the two of you worked dilligently, reviewing the rest of the books collected from bonten's other clubs and businesses in town, making one stack for ones that pass, and one that required additional scrutiny.

after a while, you stretched your arms up over your head, noticing the sun hung high in the sky and glanced at the clock on the wall. it read 12:15.

"i wonder where he is," you said, realizing it'd been almost two and a half hours since he left.

"who knows what that lunatic gets up to," koko sighed, turning the page of the binder he was leafing through.

"i actually could've used some coffee though," you yawned.

"i can have my girls make some sencha-"

just then the doors to his office burst open, and sanzu staggered in, eyes blood red, a blue gift bag in one hand, the other dragging a giant 10-foot teddy bear behind him.

"and suddenly my headache's back," koko muttered and sanzu approached the two of you at the desk.

sanzu dragged the huge teddy bear over and plopped it beside you. "i got this for you, princess."

"hah..um...where'd you get this..giant thing?" you didn't even know where to begin.

"there's a carnival downtown. i got it playing a shooting game," he grinned from ear to ear. koko groaned, knowing sanzu, by 'shooting game' he probably meant he threatened to shoot the person manning the booth if he didn't give him the bear.

"hah..i see, thank you. but why is it missing its eyes?" you asked, looking at the bear's face and noticing the eyeballs had been ripped out, only some tattered threads remained in the sockets.

"they were ugly," sanzu shrugged. "koko, i got you something too," he dropped the gift bag down in front of koko.

"thanks.." koko reached into the bag and pulled out a tiny cross-stitched sweater which could've only been made for an infant. "uh...dude, what is this?"

"it's a sweater for your chihuahua," sanzu explained, yawning and plopping down onto a chair by the desk.

"i don't have a chihuahua?"

"i could've sworn you did," sanzu tilted his head, as though in deep thought. "oh, i guess it's just you that's always yapping. it's amazing y/n puts up with this every day," he laughed, but his tone was filled with hostility.

you saw koko's body tense in your periphery and you quickly spoke up to diffuse the sudden tension. "haru, did you get coffee?"

"coffee? oh! the starbucks. yes, i did."

you stared back at him. "that's great, uh...so where is it?"

"on the corner of harajuku square, by yoyogi station," he smiled.

"what?"

"oh my god," koko groaned, raising his palms to his eyes and rubbing them in circles.

you looked back and forth between koko and sanzu.

koko took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, turning to look at you. "he bought the starbucks."