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My Soul Haruchiyo Sanzu X reader (Angst)

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The concept of death never really mattered to Sanzu Haruchiyo. For the mad dog of Bonten, killing was the same as breathing. Yet, why? why was he shivering? In his line of work, weaknesses are to be discarded. But why did he feel like the world has come to a stop when Mikey ordered him to get rid of you. The love of his life who he knew he never truly deserved. 

Memories of innocence invaded his mind. Every chapter of his life she was there, as his savior, his lover, his queen. Times where she cupped his face in her palms and told him how deep her love flows for him. How he deserved love. She accepted the broken him with no qualms. Always giving him the world. 

Never in a million years had he thought he had to choose between his King or his Muse. Mikey never had a problem with her before but why now? Did Sanzu show vulnerability? Did he portray weakness? Was he not ruthless enough in the eyes of his subordinates? Why did Mikey come to the conclusion that the death of his love will be the answer?

He had to choose. Bonten was his kingdom and his king's word is the law. 

His way back to his safe space didn't feel safe anymore. He felt cold after a long time. He told himself, that it was simply his intoxication or the weather. His hands made their way to the doorknob, wondering how he can make this easy for the both of them. He bit his bottom lip hard hoping that this was just a bad dream. 

She stood there her back facing Sanzu as she was cooking. With the smell of it, it was his favorite. She heard footsteps get closer to her, she smiled softly inside knowing that her lover is right behind her and in a few seconds will wrap his hands around her waist and bury his face in her neck grinning like the lovesick fool he is. 

 "Haru," She called as she turned her head only to meet with her lover with his sadistic smile and a gun pointing straight at her. 

Sanzu watched her eyes widen for a brief second before they went back to their original position. With no fear in her eyes. She softly smiled as she looked at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. She knew him like the back of her hand. That sadistic smile he wore was nothing but a facade. Sanzu could feel his resolve crumbling. He had to do something quickly before the ache in his heart turns unbearable. 

"Let's go to the roof," She said as she made her way toward the stairs and Sanzu followed right behind her. Sanzu felt his legs go heavy, every step he took felt painful. No amount of drugs will help numb his pain. The devil lurking on his shoulder telling him to get rid of her right this moment. A mere minute felt like a century when they met with the stars. She twirled around gently to meet with his eyes, still smiling.

"Hold me Haru," She said as she made her way right in front of him. Sanzu didn't even waste a breath as he wrapped his hands around her, his gun long discarded and laying on the ground. He never held her this tight almost suffocating but she didn't mind. Tears threatened to fall from his lash line as she caress his hair and held him as if he was made of glass. She gently pulled away from him and placed a hand on his cheek. 

"Don't look at me like that!" He yelled painfully, gripping her blouse tight. She moved her lips towards his scar and placed a small kiss on it. Sanzu felt his knees go weak as he unintentionally let go of her. 

 "Let's run away," He ought to say. He wanted to say but... 'Do you really think Mikey will let you get away with it?' The voice in him said. He feared Mikey more than anything in the world. He knew what he was capable of. He was Mikey's slave and Mikey was his king. Betrayal was a lost concept for someone who only knew loyalty.

Why couldn't he choose you?

"Haruchiyo, "She called as he broke free from his thoughts. He found her in a circumstance he knew he never wanted. She stood there on the railing of the roof just a light push will end in death. His eyes were going blurry with the number of tears clouding his vision, yet he never blinked his eyes. 

 "Haruchiyo, I told you whatever your decision is I'll stand by you. Please don't blame yourself, this is something I decided on my own" She said as he paused hoping that he would meet her eyes. She wanted to burn his face in her memory so she can take it to the other world. 

"Compared to your pain mine will be over in an instant." She said as she looked him in the eye internally cursing Mikey for giving her love so much pain.

"Please remember, I love you. In this life in our next life, I will find you. I forever belong to you," She said. her soothing words always gave him courage. His breath hitched as he hoped that he could run to her and simply hope that this was just a nightmare. 

"Don't cry. I'm not going to die. As long as you think of me I'll always be alive inside of you. My soul is always watching over you." She said. She had always been the one to hold both of them, she was the stronger one of the both of them. Even her parting words gave him the strength to move on. 

"Smile Haruchiyo," She said as he did so. That was the least he could do for her. As much as it hurt, she knew this was the end as she leaned back losing her footing and as the wind swayed her hair she looked at the stars silently praying for him to be safe as she met with her end, Haruchiyo yelled. 

He knew that he would never be the same at least not without her.