Home On The Range - Tumblr Posts
I found your n/s/f/w post through a mutual and ooohhhhh my god I never knew just how badly I needed Alameda Slim smut until I got it. I know you don't take requests so I won't ask for that, but if you ever write more Slim smut I would owe you my soul. That shit had me BARKING
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm so glad you liked it!! XDD And I'm glad to hear when someone's into Slim!! Have some screencaps-
So. Funny little story.
I basically made my parents’ (particularly my mom’s) life hell when I was little due to three factors.
1. I had a condition called Febrile Seizures, where if my temperature changed too quickly I would have a seizure. This all stopped by the age of 5.
2. I have a very high fever point. Ever since I was little whenever I get really sick I’ll get a fever up to 104. When I was really little it was even worse since my temperature would go up to 106.
3. I got sick a lot as a kid. Most kids with the condition have 1-3 seizures total, while I had over 20.
This led to my parents dealing with a 1-5 year old who, if given something to stop my fever, could have a seizure, would be too hot to sleep, and so would stay up all night being miserable. So what did my mom do in this scenario?
Walmart $1 dvd bins.
Now, there were several movies my parents would put on for me, including Madagascar and the Winnie the Pooh Heffalump movie. But the #1 movie was a little old Disney flop from 2004 called Home on the Range.
Personally, I love it. I think it’s great. But that’s probably the nostalgia talking.
Anyway, I just rewatched the movie and noticed something…interesting. The movie is about these cows trying to make enough money to save their farm. There’s a scene where they enter a saloon where what are presumably 3 prostitutes are singing on the stage. A fight breaks out, one of the prostitutes goes flying, her wig flies off and she lands in the arm of a man.
“Daddy??” Says the man.
“Son?!” Says the prostitute.
Anyway, at this part I burst out laughing so hard because it’s so ridiculous. Now my mom is pestering me what’s so funny and I don’t know how to tell her what she exposed her sick infant daughter to.
This would be a nice concept for a funny animal story: a goat walks the farm on its back legs working like their master when they’re out of town on chores or sundries, but fail every chance due to their stubbornness and pride of being close to said farmer makes him ready to hold the load on his own when his barnyard animal friends want to help him as well. Maybe as a joke, but I don’t mind making up a tale of this.
I had this made by John Fountain on X/Twitter, designing an anthro version of Jeb, grouchy goat from Home on The Range, as a farmhand.
Some point in Joan’s life, her, Gene, and Matt, visit Patch of Heaven to see how were things w Farmer Jeb after Pearl Gesner bit it to her own patch on Heaven.
Even tho Calloway acted as leader for the farm, Farm wasn’t doing well, and with Jeb insisiting he work his friends ragged, they could use their help to get his senses in order. Joan & Gene growled at the ol’bill, her analyzing this abuse in the barnyard. “You may wear the overalls and red jimjams here, Jebediah Williams, but you can’t make a factory from of yer barnyard pals. You may be older than most of these folks, but that don’t make you wise,makes you a wiseass! If there’s something gnawing under your beard that’s makin’ you push them away, you can tell’em; they’re grieving Mrs. Gesner’s loss as much as you. You know that, right?”
In truth, he did miss Pearl much as they do, but didn’t want to feel soft, had to act tough and worked his hooves off to hide his pain when he raised his post as farmhand with Mrs. Calloway.
Jeb will ask for their help next time he’s playing farmhand, and let the new hire Emily assist when his back acts out, right after she gets the prickles off her paws. Jack and Buck tried giving her a home sickness remedy, finding things that reminded her of Santa Monica, CA (used to be a valley girl in her Arcean life). “I was pleased with the geyser as a hot tub in the desert, rolling my paws on cacti like they were massage rollers, big nuh-uh! Got most of those pins outta my hands, but my feet are another story. Owwuu!”. Wooper and Gene pull prickles off Emily’s feet with the chicks n pigs, but her howling got louder with every pull, til then Matt’s Smoochum’s Demon Kiss numbed her down til Quagsire’s Wake-Up Slap could get her up prickle free!
(See, Emily did come to Mrs. Calloway years ago when she and her drunkard Mightyena dad Mike stumbled into the old west via Hoopa’s portals.
They were victims of lycanthropy after he fiddled around with what he thought was a plain ol’ wolfette, but in fact was a shewolf. During on of those full moon seasons, she bit one of his shoulders and became a Mightyena dogman overnight, drowning his shame and sorrow in any brandy he snatched from homes to homes.
Calloway and Grace welcomed them to POH, but Mike’s drinking annoyed the cows, asking he learn to sober up til he could see his daughter once she’s been made “a proper shewolf”, having spent most their lives in the wild for decades even after their werewolfing. Months pass and Emily was like Calloway, proper and a bit modest, dressing in full gowns or blouses that cover her entire body and gloves, an old N’Gaian tradition to discern Narnians from Barbans from the early years.
While she did pick up Calloway’s “Colonial English” speech, her Cali accent does slip in at extreme emotional moments, like reuniting with her Tepig pal Tempa, fully grown to Emboar. She’s glad to cut loose and naked upon returning home to Arcea, but kept the modest clothes to remind her of Calloway and POH.)
I was rewatching Home on the range from my childhood and the Willy brothers reminded me of someone....
I laughed out loud, finding this out, man
This kills me.
Every State Song, Ranked
Instead of listening to Christmas music or decorating the house on Christmas Eve, my sister and I listened to and ranked every single state song. Enjoy?
O, Fair New Mexico
Take Me Home, Country Roads - West Virginia
Oklahoma
Home On the Range - Kansas
Old Folks At Home (Swanee River) - Florida
Home Means Nevada
Rocky Mountain High - Colorado
Rocky Top - Tennessee
Alabama
Go, Mississippi
My Old Kentucky Home
Hail! South Dakota
Wyoming
Hawai’i Pono’i
Tennessee Waltz
On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away - Indiana
Arizona March Song
Arkansas, You Run Deep In Me
Georgia On My Mind
Old New Hampshire
Alaska’s Flag
Missouri Waltz
All Hail to Massachusetts
Rhode Island, It’s For Me
Hail! Minnesota
Beautiful Nebraska
On, Wisconsin!
Montana
Illinois
I Love You, California
Oregon, My Oregon
Give Me Louisiana
Pennsylvania
Beautiful Ohio
State of Maine
Here We Have Idaho
Our Delaware
Utah, This Is the Place
Yankee Doodle - Connecticut
Carolina - South Carolina
Texas, Our Texas
North Dakota Hymn
I Love New York
I’m From New Jersey - unofficial
Washington, My Home
Our Great Virginia
The Old North State - North Carolina
These Green Mountains - Vermont
Michigan, My Michigan
The Song of Iowa
Maryland, My Maryland - removed in 2021
Best Melody: Take Me Home Country Roads, Home On the Range
Worst Melody: The Old North State, The Song of Iowa
Best Lyrics: Home Means Nevada, Alaska’s Flag
Worst Lyrics: Give Me Louisiana, I Love New York
Most Jammable: Old Folks at Home, Oklahoma
Least Jammable: These Green Mountains, Our Great Virginia
Most Original: O Fair New Mexico, Rocky Top
Least Original: Maryland My Maryland, Michigan My Michigan