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perfect days
our roadtrip was very spontanously planned. i initially wanted to couchsurf in order to save money and to introduce js. to this way of travelling - it is certainly unique.
i spent all saturday trying to replan the roadtrip looking for good hosts in new york state. but my search was unsuccessfull. in the end it was js. who took control of the plans, looked up an airbnb, figured out the route and everything. normally it is always me to plan trips. i felt so relieved and content not having to worry for once. knowing that the other person is attentive and planning as well.
sunday morning i woke up around 4:30, probably because of excitement. we hadn't agreed on a specific time to depart, but he woke up around 7:30 and picked me up at 8am. we grabbed coffee from dunkin donuts and headed towards new york state. it was a lovely sunny morning. the route scenic the music we played chill. in massachusetts we stopped for the first cute artsy town on our way and decided to, after having gotten a coffee, gone to a bookstore and a vintage shop (that's basically all we ever did in all of those cute little artsy towns), go on a short hike. there were remains of snow in the mountains. the path quite icy from time to time. the air fresh. our pace was rather fast, we are rather sporty haha. spending some moments on top of the mountain, enjoying the view, cuddling in his arms was perfect.
throughout the whole trip i felt at peace like never before. i could trust him, there was no drama. and he was into me just as much as i was into him.
around noon we stopped at a diner, when entering an old woman complimented me. she said i was "the cutest thing". i hadn't even understood her, but js. caught it. another lovely older lady served us. her demeanor was routined and very friendly. she advised us to go to an accordeaon museum that was just next to the diner. the owner spend an hour showing us around, performing on his accordeon and showing us the old grammophones with recordings from a hundred years ago. we were the only visitors. and he was seemingly happy to have us around. he was one of those npc like people we would meet on our trip.
we met our host in the evening, he was a very considerate, apparent very rich, foreigner. we showered and rested some time before we headed back out to explore the cute little town close to where we were staying at. we ate very good burgers in a tavern, had 3 dollar beer, and afterwards went to another bar. on the way there i had eaten an edible we had bought earlier that day. i was really high in that bar. i am not used to being high at all, so it really hit well. i was making a fool of myself but i liked it. i felt protected anyways.
back home js. also took an edible, i another one. i remember laying next to each other on the bed, just staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. smiling like idiots.
the next morning began how every day with him begins and ends: with very good sex. it feels like with every time it just keeps getting better and better. we learned what we like. he is much less shy, much more vocal. he recently started calling me his girl, his baby, his apple-pie (it's a reference to a later event), keeps calling me beautiful, and keeps mentioning how well i am doing. nobody was ever that vocal or appreciative of me. it makes me shy kind of. but i absolutely love it.
he had looked up somewhere to go for breakfast, it was a surprise for me. it was a bagel place! he knows me well. we grabbed bagels and ate them by the hudson river. that day we were twinning. both wearings jeans, brown shoes and a green sweater. i felt like a mini version of him, successfully appropiating his style. we were so cute together. in fact, when we later walked in another of those little artsy towns in the hudson river valley a lady approaching us gave us a compliment. she said how great our aura was. too sweet!
in that town we again went to a book store, where js. found a book by his uncle in the shelf. i bought it. it is titled "assorted fire events". the girl working in the store played a great arabic song i asked her about. she even shared the whole playlist with me, her taste is music is amazing.
we went to a dia exhibition afterwards. i took many pictures on js.' phone. it was lovely. afterwards, we intended to find somewhere to have dinner and on the way stopped in three different towns. we had good latin dinner, went home shortly for me to brush my hair and shower.
afterwards we went to the tavern again. this time, we sat at the bar. the barkeeper was a different one. it was a somewhat pretty girl. not a girl's girl, that's for sure. throughout the whole time she flirted with js., stared at him, refused eye contact with me. i was pretty damn annoyed but tried not to be bothered. i always think that if my partner really wants to cheat or really cares about other girls, then so he should. me making any efforts from hindering him would be in vain. if a girl flirts with my partner, i shall be unbothered if he really is into me. if he let's himself get affected by her, then he was never mine in first place. i did not feel though as js. was too much into her, he did look at her smoetimes, but that's kind of normal isn't it. this girl's friends were also sitting at the bar, it was curved so they were directly looking at js. one of her friends also kept staring and attempting to flirt with him. how low can you go as to flirt with another girl's man right in front of her eyes. how can you not respect girl code at all? i was not really mistrusting js., but rather annoyed by how penetrantly they were trying to pursue him. it made me emotionally really disturbed. i went to the toilet, had a mental breakdown. sat down at the floor, leaned against the wall and just cried. i think i was high as well. i wanted to purpesfully leave js. and the girl alone with each other. i could not bear this horrible dynamic, her completely lacking etiquette. i left the restroom when elvis was playing. it felt cinematic. we were the last people in the bar. it was bittersweet.
the next day we slept long. went to another bagel shop. this one was even cuter. we ate inside. i had told him there how bothered i was by those girls the evening before. he told me how he didn't even notice. i believe him. he is just so naive and innocent. like all guys i am into, he is not aware of how attractive he is at all. he is a literal dream of a guy and he seems not to have a clue about it. he could have all of us, i am telling you. he's tall, muscular, calm, wise, protective, has a very diverse and niche music taste, knows movies, literature, the arts. he is a real treasure, in fact, that is what his name stands for.
i don't really remember the course of events on tuesday after that. we went back on the road heading south. the goal was js.' hometown. we arrived in the afternoon. we drove past his high school, to his house by the hudson river that is also very close to the woods. we went on a walk to what once used to be a picnic side next to the river. it was a little beach. we spent some time there, taking pictures, kissing. walking. eventually we headed to his house. we were not too sure whether there was somebody living there. there was light inside. but the stairs down to it had not been freed from branches that must have fallen down in a storm. so we went down, onto the veranda. it was a dreamy cute house. he had lived there for 14 years. it had a private little river-beach one could descend to. it felt very special being there with him. he had not visited in 7 years.
afterwards we went to a diner his parents and him would go. it was very spacey and clean. the waitress was old and he said how he was sure she had served him many years before. she was talking to herself a lot, in a crazy cat lady like way. before going to the diner i ate another edible. eating high was a great experience. by the time we finished food i was very sad. i told him how i'd miss him. how i could not believe that even once when things go perfect with someone in the end you get hurt. i told him about my mental breakdown in the bar. how i was questioning the sense in getting to know people and then - what? if even when i meet somebody as perfect as him and we have the best time for a month and it would lead to nowhere. then what even meet people for. what even share so much. i could not handle so much emotional distress. he was shy and seemingly lost of words. i could tell he wanted to say things but could not. he sat down next to me in the booth. god, i was so high. he managed to say how he hopes that we will meet again. i told him that that was the worst way to put it. because it just seemed to passive for me. it was evident that *he* had to do something about it. more than just "hoping". he does not have any big responsibilities right now, has never travelled to europe before and in general should finally make up his mind and make a decision about how to proceed with his life (this is just what he is saying himself). whereas i have several responsibilities at home i now should for once actually take seriously: two jobs, two volunteer positions, university itself, and j. to somewhat take care of. it was another bittersweet moment. very much cinematic again. being so high i couldn't help but share my thoughts out loud and told him how much i felt like in a movie or dream. i had really always dreamt of a person like him. he combines all features of men i love and admire them for: being caring, gentle, trustworthy, attentive, protective, educated, calm and of course just very damn physically attractive - it feels like our bodies were meant for each other. i just feel like it would be a huge shame and loss if we didn't at least try to make something work between us. i had never before gotten along with somebody like that. and had also never before found somebody so attractive. when we are sleeping with each other i feel almost like i don't deserve to be with him.
we shared apple pie with ice cream and around 9:30pm left to finally depart home. i was completely somewhere else most of the ride. listening to music, being able to trust js. to take us home carefully. when we were about to arrive the city we live in he asked me where he should take me, to b.'s dorm or to his place. i said "home" and smiled. i felt warm and safe staying with him.
the last week
the two days after our roadtrip, so tuesday and wednesday, i ended up staying at his place.
on tuesday morning we had good morning sex - i love it so much really - we got ready together, went to the deli together and then he dropped me off on campus.
walking only a few minutes i encountered b. who was out on the street at that time, around noon. if he is not smoking, b. would not leave his office the whole day, so i was surprised. he was on the way to a talk. i jokingly asked whether i could join, expecting him to be embarrassed of me or something. but he agreed and we went to the political science department. there were not many attendees at all. b.'s rival was hosting the talk. though she is much less qualified, she holds the postdoc position that b. would be perfect for. she actually is not worth being called his rival, but unfortunately her position is better. anyway, the talk was somewhat interesting, about history. after the talk b. talked to the speaker and i enjoyed the free middle eastern food they served. we went to the office together. it was a nice experience.
i am realising that i already forgot many of the things that happened. what a pity. i remember things being really nice .i do remember stay at js. place again that night, don't know what we did for dinner though.
wednesday morning it was the same procedure. only that day i went to my favourite café afterwards, which was very lovely.
on wednesday night i slept at home. slept very long until thursday. probably had some fight with b. i got ready, took care of my hair that had turned into dread locks, because of how js. treats them and me not having found time to take care of it early enough. fixing my hair took me almost two hours... then i went out walking downtown. it was raining, gloomy mood. i did something on my laptop, was reading in one café first, then another. that night i slept at home, but js. and me went to get dinner together in a cute middle eastern place. the mood was very bittersweet.
friday i was supposed to spend most of the time with b. we went out walking, went to get bubble tea, went to the bookstore, i got ice cream. it was lots of fun. at the book store i had a funny spontanous idea. close to the checkout i spotted a book by a professor i heard at a talk some weeks earlier. he wrote a book on citizenship. i bought the book, but wanted him to sign it before i depart. i mailed him in the afternoon, did not actually excpect him to be down for that, but he proposed to meet at law school only two hours later. he's a funny persona, very excentric and seems to have somewhat of a radical approach. i have not read the book yet. when we met he was very humbled by me asking for a signature, he said nobody asked that before, so cute. after that was done i rode the bike back to the woman who had lent it to me. js. picked me up from there, we drove to the address of the guy whose bike lock i was using. with his kid's street chalk i wrote "thanks again" on the porch next to where i put the lock. then we proceeded to have dinner together. i had a big fight about this earlier that day. b. was offended by the fact i wanted to spent my last dinner with js. i told him how it was also my last evening with him and agreed on only meeting him for dinner for a short time and then coming home again. which had been my plan nevertheless. unfortunately though js. did not quite get that i would not spend the whole night with him. when i bought lunch for b. and made clear how i would go home, he as well got very offended. i tried making both guys happy, but ended up offending both. well done. for the rest of the time we spent together js. was very quiet and weird. i can understand him. i should have communicated it better. i had told him though how the last two days i'd stay home. we ended up talking in his car when he dropped me off at the dorm. b. actually wasn't there yet, he was still in the office - it was like 10pm. i walked there, spent my last hours in that office with him. taking pictures, being silly, him eating his dinner. oh, i did not mention how b. got the news of having been awarded a fellowship at harvard from next semester on. he'll change from yale to harvard and i will visit him again. i did not enjoy boston too much, though i have not managed to explore cambridge itself too much either. new haven though seems much more tranquil - despite its high crime rate. i am happy for b. of course. but also, it is a very temporary fellowship. i really wish for him to one day have a real position. his salary is pathetic as well. it's an insult for the past 17 years he has been working his ass off. anyway, that night b. and me spent together, he in my room, me packing my things together, it was midnight soon already. us listening to our favourite music together, reminiscing about our past, about the past two months, phantasizing about the future. again, bittersweet. at some point we layed next to each other. i began to cry and hugged his back. just minutes before he said how he would not want to "make it a whole emotional drama", but soon we found each other in each others arms sobbing. it is obvious that we love each other. it will never die, i am sure. around 1am we said bye to each other, he went out to smoke, i went to take a shower. though he would come back afterwards and was just in the other room, we would not see each other anymore. we accepted that this was the bye.
on saturday js. very kindly picked me up very early around 7am. he wanted to take me to the cloisters in new york before dropping me off at the airport. we arrived at 9am, an hour too early. we walked around the bronx, went to starbucks, i checked in into my flight. fort tryon park was blooming, it was a cold but sunny morning. the cloisters itself ended up being rather underwhelming to me as a "well-travelled" european. i had seen this architecture, those artworks in the cities and countries they actually were from. many of which are from my very own country. it felt like a joke spending almost 50 dollars for that. i did enjoy the unicorn carpets though. and in general, i liked spending time with js. in whatever way. we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. hugging and kissing in the old walls, in front of paintings and sculptures. we were too cute. he is so into me.
eventually we left to the airport. in the car before departing there we made out. the ride to the airport, again, was bittersweet. i chose the music. it was nice seeing the nyc skyline one last time for now. once when using his phone to put music i saw the hinge app in the recent used app suggestions (though it was the very last enlisted one). it made my stomach sick and i almost cried. i stayed very silent for the rest of the drive. we got out of the car, i had to repack my bags and suitcasese a bit. i handed him one final present of mine: my sister's green jumper he liked so much. i had stolen it from her and now given to him lol. when i was done unpacking it was time to say a final goodbye. we kissed, hugged and kissed. and kept kissing. at some point he stopped, he held me and said "i love you - is that okay?". i could not believe it. i got very excited and happy. both of us were shaky. it was too sweet. i kissed his whole face. he stopped me again and said how he had said it before on our roadtrip. that time i apparently did not hear him correctly. i cannot even recall that happening that at all. i kept kissing him. i could tell though he was getting sad. sad that i so far not said it myself. for me it is something very unusual to hear and say. never before did anybody! ever say this to me like that. let alone be the first to say it to me. i was so shy but knew i had to say it somehow. also, because i am indeed feeling that way i think. i ended up whispering it into his ear. i am so god damn shy. but he knows. so that's alright. we soon had to actually say goodbye - we had been standing outside the car for at least 15 minutes already. one of the last things i said was that if he was really into me, he should then delete all "the apps", which he very much did. i took my bags and kept waiving at him until i could not see his car anymore. and that was it!
we did talk about him visiting me soon though. he said how he would not feel too sad, knowing that he will soon make effort to come see me. i appreciate that. we will figure something out...
the process of flying was rather smooth. everything worked out well, the only downside was that i had had allergies and felt pretty sick. i left my favourite jacket in the plane unfortunately. but i somehow made it home to my mother's place where i spent the easter holidays eating her food and sleeping in a big comfy bed.
the past chapter
more than a month has passed since the last time i posted something here. many things have happened and changed. js. is back home and i have a new job. i have passed my exams and am to write papers until the end of summer.
looking back to the beginning of the year when i lived in the us i cannot believe things have actually worked out exactly how i hoped they would: js. actually came to visit me in europe, he stayed three months with me and just last monday his visa expired and he went back to the us. i already have booked flights to visit him for two weeks in the end of september/early october.
despite me feeling like i was "loosing myself" when he was here due to spending too much time with him and potentially growing too attached/codependent, i ended up studying for my exams - which was most important for me to get done with. he was a great help with that actually.
coincedently, the old man i live with ended up having to stay in hospital and physical therapy for several weeks, leaving his big apartment in the center of this city to the both of us. i felt guilty being happy about this situation. but i also knew that it was the best for him - and it was the best for us. we went to the movies, went for walks, prepared meals together - and when i was done with my exams, we went on a trip together.
i organised hosts for us in the uk. we first went to london. our host somewhat extravagant, hosting very frequently, offered us a private room and house keys, exactly what we had wished for. we spent the days in london going to free museums, going to cafés, bookstores and walked around the posh neighbourhoods: Hampstead, Camden, Kensington, Islington. it was a delight.
we then proceeded to travel up north, where i had never been before. of course, it was also js.' first time. we stayed with a 79 year old in leeds. the days we spent exploring the cities around, the nights talking about life, literature, theatre and music with our kind and funny host. it was the perfect stay. our host liked us so much, that he even took a picture of js. and me one night we were sitting together.
after this holiday we spent some days back home and then departed to the capital together with all of his luggage, which mostly consisted of all the new books he had bought. the last days of his stay had come. again, we couchsurfed. this time at a bycicle activist's place, who also had a daughter. she painted my nails black and we played a board game together. js. and me explored the city. we ate tons of ice cream, had bagels every day (it is hard to find good "american style" bagels in this country) and went to many museums.
now, js. is back home and i spent a week alone in the old man's big apartment. i wasn't productive at all. all i did was work in my new job at the café - which is huge fun. very soon the new season at the theatre starts again, which means summer slowly but surely is coming to an end already. the end of summer i should spend writing and reading for my papers, working in the café and theatre and then eventually: visit my boyfriend in new haven and my ex boyfriend in boston!
it is one me to start being productive again. i have to be as disciplined as i once was in april and may.
the future chapters
the next months will be challenging. juggling my two jobs, my degree, the three exrta certificates, and my sports and interests. js. will not yet be able to move to europe until next spring, but i will make time to visit him. i am happy i get to focus on my self and somewhat can keep him at a distance.
js. has applied to several european universities and was accepted to all of them. only one university had some issues processing applications and notified the applicants that it they will probably only be able to start studying in the next spring term due to this issue. unfortunately it was this university in this city that i had advised him to the strongest. the city known for its high living quality and rich culture and history would be the best for him to start his new european life - at least in my opinion. the other universities he applied to are in small towns, that i know suffer from a housing crisis and it will be hard for him to find a job not being able to speak the local language. this means that he still has about half a year until his new life starts. he will hopefully look for a job again for this time, earn some money, organise himself somewhere to stay and perhaps start learning the language - this is at least what i expect from him. he actually was also accepted at my university but i told him i do not want him to just move to my town. it would be too easy. and it would mean incredible stress for me having to again organise a life from scratch in this town. this town is elitist, small and super expensive. only with lots of creativitiy, unconventional approaches and with lots of time i created my life that i have right now. actually i often feel as if it was built on very weak pillars. i wouldnt be able to cope with that same challenge again. thats why i urged him to go to a big city, a capital. somewhere where he has to start completely from scratch. somewhere where i can visit him easily. somewhere where i have not been much before myself. he was slightly disappointed with me not wanting to live with him here, but he understands my reasoning. i hope that one day he will be able to thank me for forcing him to be independent.
my own goals will be to actually make progress in university. to save money and reduce my spendings to the minimum. i want to show up to the university events, want to read and once again cure my social media addiction. i just deinstalled instagram after "relapsing" in the past months that js. was here. i hope that my living situation will not change and that eventually i will make it to write those papers this summer. that summer is coming to an end i was made aware of by the new season starting at the theatre. i already was assigned my new shifts up until when i depart to the us again. b. is moving to boston within the next days and i will visit him - potentially with js. let's see how this will turn out haha.
challenging times lay ahead. i want to make the best of them!
Please reblog and add your nationality in the tags along with what you answered! I'm very curious about this; and it's not to shame anybody, so don't be rude!
Sorry, political rant.
I agree with not voting for either of the two main presidential options. but if we are going to vote someone else in, everyone needs to agree with who- Markiplier? great. Bo Burnham? love it. John Mulaney? sure, why not. But everyone needs to agree to put one person down, so that it actually counts.
Also, an amendment needs to be pushed through declaring a maximum age for presidency. like a minimum of 35, maximum of 60. people just wouldn't go for it because they don't have americas best interest in mind and thats sad.
if not a maximum, then potential presidents need to go through a sort of sanity test to make sure they are of sane mind. why are men that are literally out of their goddamned minds running???
asking my parents, the only good thing about trump was that groceries weren't so expensive. but thats not the presidents fault, its the 1%, and any bills, laws, whatever need to pass through them to be accepted.
it's not just the president thats screwing this nation over one day at a time, its everyone in power. vote not just in the presidential campaign but for local problems, for state wide problems.
people in the senate and house of representatives dont have our best interests at heart? fucking change it.
assassinations need to come back istg
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If you're having trouble keeping up with what's going on in Palestine because of US news coverage of university protests, here are some articles you can read and a video you can watch:
While CNN & all the other mainstream media try to paint the university protests as "pro terrorism" (which they're not, they're literally anti-war protests.) Palestinians are being slaughtered by the minute.
Please don't stop speaking about Palestine.
this is going to be incredibly controversial but please read through the whole thing to understand.
palestine has been used as a gateway for money and weapons by hamas for many years now. hamas is a terrorist group that murders, assaults, r@pes, and tortures women, children, and men. all innocent people by the way. palestine is hamas’ puppet. israel is fighting back because if they don’t, and if they call a cease fire, then palestine will wipe them out. because the policy of the islamic religion says to kill anyone that isn’t islamic or to force them to change religions by any means. so saying free palestine is saying that you support mass genocide. just because israel is fighting back against terrorists and is winning does not make them murders.
on another note, biden has increased national debt, raised inflation, and has made taxes much more expensive. he is not just “soft” he is an old man suffering from dementia and it shows in the way he literally has to be guided off stage by his wife.
trump is a rude and disrespectful human being, but he can get shit done. his foreign policy is better ( because we should not be letting people come into our country illegally because they are bringing drugs in and also it’s freaking illegal )
i’m not saying trump is amazing and perfect for America, and i’m not saying biden is either hate on me all you want but these are at least some of the facts. if you want proof do your own research
also “i’m not even american but i need to vent” ???? seriously trying to come off as a non biased third party but trying to push your own agenda onto the american people to influence their vote
I'm not even American but I need to vent.
I assure you Americans that elections and politics suck worldwide, and not just for you. Save from a few cases here and there, candidates are always either too old, too shady, or just too stupid.
But more than candidates, you are voting for their policies.
It's your duty to vote for the better or just the lesser evil policy among them.
The "two sides are equally awful" is seldom true and it's just a lie to excuse passivity.
You have a duty for your marginalized folks and yourself to make your society better or at least stop it from getting worse.
Biden has quite a interesting history of progressive policies done, while Donald Trump is just a convicted fellow, darling of white supremacy, and the god of religious freaks.
There's no place on Earth where these candidates are the same.
Even if your hate Biden based on his softness with the current Far-right government of Israel, Trump is cherished by Israel far-right, is deeply Islamophobic, and even use Palestinian as an insult. He will be even worse for Palestine.
You have to vote, you have to exercise your civic duties. The two parties aren't the same and saying that is just an excuse for passivity.
It won't fix the world I assure you. There will still be things to be one. You still will have to protest, to get involve with politics, to help good policy be made and set in motion. But just voting is the first, and most important step for it.
@ariel-seagull-wings @mask131 @thealmightyemprex @the-blue-fairie @princesssarisa
AMERICA IF IT WAS REAL!!! 🦅🦅🦅
Every single time I reread A Study in Scarlet I am startled when halfway through it becomes deeply inaccurate america fanfiction. Like Holmes reveals the murderer and immediately the next chapter is waxing poetic about the harsh, barren landscape of the western (??) US.
One cannot truly forget the Murder Mormons, but I always put it out of my mind for long enough that the switch jumpscares me.
Cuz you and I, we were born to die.
Summer like this >
if this isn’t my future i don’t want it
Teacher: "Wow this paper is so good! You must have spent so much time revising and working on it!!"
Me: Literally had a week to do it, started yesterday
Me: Revised at 2:00am
Me: "Yes I spent much time doing this."