Implodes - Tumblr Posts
So apparently at 19 Lawrence got institutionalized for 6 months from a psychotic breakdown. I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned in one of the video games. Do you think he’d tell Adam about it? How you you think adam would react? (Also why do you think he even had a breakdown?) love you!!! 🩷
Omfg okay okay I haven't played either of the games yet but I intend to. I did not know about that little bit of lore, though..... But tbh it slides in so perfectly with what I've been formulating for backstory headcanons,
I haven't actually written any of this out in my Google doc yet but. I feel like rambling and just laying out the relevant parts of what I've been brainstorming for him-
Putting a cut because this got longer than I thought it would. Also- tw for talks of emotional abuse, alcoholism, and a brief sui mention- nothing super detailed, though.
So uh. I've been imagining him growing up in this wealthy, very controlling, catholic household. And even from a young age it was extremely rare for his parents to even glance at any of his problems.., One part because they were absolutely the types to guilt him with the whole "THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE CRYING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SO TRIVIAL" and another part because I imagine his mother was diagnosed with cancer when Lawrence was just a kid. Which was hard on everyone, of course, but this also meant less attention being put on him and his problems (ft. more guilting because you should be grateful that all you have is a scraped knee, stop crying). Basically the response to any of his struggles would very often be Stop Moping and/or Go Pray About It y’know-
Sooo even at a young age, he quickly developed this mindset that none of his problems were actually 'real', because he had it drilled into his head again and again that he was in a far more fortunate + blessed position than others. Which yeah obviously he had a great deal of privilege on his side from the get-go, but he's still allowed to express hurt and his need for love and care, y’know,
So he just starts repressing everything, holding it all inside. Internally minimizing and invalidating just about anything that made him upset. He does this for years, and years. And by the time that first year of college rolls around, he now has the most independence in his life that he's ever had, finally away from that very, very controlling household... And I very much imagine him as the type to just go off the rails almost immediately, especially in the drinking department. His grades rapidly slip, and he knows there will be hell to pay when his parents inevitably find out about all of this- but it's easier to just sit back and drink, and let his cares about everything slip away.
And of course, his parents do indeed find out. And there is indeed hell to pay. More so from his father, though, as his mother's condition has been rapidly deteriorating, which was certainly just one of the many motivators for Lawrence's drinking. And it's not long before she does pass away, which I think was a final straw of sorts for his mental health.
Between the bottles and bottles of repression he's been holding in for years, the drinking, the fact that he's fucked up so badly with college + absolutely fuckin wasted an amount of time and money, the sheer outrage and disappointment from his parents, his mother's death, and the shattering of his already shaky faith (because evidently, praying for his mother's health didn't do a goddamn thing)... It's a wonder he didn't break sooner,
So then this is where him being institutionalized just SLIDES IN SO EASILY... And I do think right before this happened, he had attempted to take his own life, unable to deal with it all. The treatment helps him back onto a straight path. And maybe he'd already been interested in the medical field, but the loss of his mother was sort of the final push towards wanting to pursue oncology specifically. So after being released, it's college take two: and it goes far better than the last time.
However, he develops this fear of losing control again. He finds comfort and necessity in order. He almost needs it to feel okay. He still has a hard time voicing and downplaying his problems, though, still feeling like they're not 'real'... This being a particular souvenir from growing up that he just can't seem to overcome.
He's also not at all surprised to get a call (in either his late 20s or early 30s) that his father had drank himself to death. Just seemed inevitable.
Then, to cut to the Becoming Closer With Adam Era, I don't imagine he has a hard time explaining that both of his parents have passed away, and why. But he has a very hard time disclosing everything else that happened. Because his problems aren't 'real', of course, and it's just an extremely touchy subject for him in general. Been imagining for a while now that he has this whole Thing where he's far more focused on helping Adam with his own problems- and y’know, part of that is just the fact that when they finally reunite in my AU, Adam is obviously deeply in need of help, because things have gotten bad for him in the months following the bathroom trap. But another part is just Lawrence still having troubles with expressing his own struggles; whether they be traumatic incidents of the past, or the more current Jigsaw related traumas.
Adam eventually catches onto this, especially as his problems become less urgent. And while he's not necessarily going to interrogate Lawrence over anything, he does begin to more frequently urge him to talk about things when he's obviously upset. Lawrence still isn't as good at masking as he thinks he is, much to his dismay. Something specific that I imagine Adam reminding him, with a earnest voice of kindness and patience, is that "this isn't just about you helping me, it's about me helping you, too."
Lawrence does eventually start to open up more about his more current struggles, but it takes a good, long while before he begins scratching the surface of that period of his life. They would be upsetting conversations for the both of them, of course, but the fact that they happen at all are just testaments to the trust they've built together. They feel safer and safer being vulnerable with one another, and it brings them closer together.
And maybe, it brings them closer and closer to things finally just feeling okay.
...WOOH If you are here, thank you for reading- didn't think I was going to ramble this much, but EVIDENTLY I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS ON THIS THAN I REALIZED LMAO..... WHEN I SAY I HAVE A SMALL NOVEL WORTH OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE TWO I'M NOT LYING HRKSKGK
A lot of this is also still in the brainstorming stage at this point, so things may be subject to change :] WE SHALL SEE...
And thank you for the ask, and the kind words!!! I hope you enjoy my brainrot HSKGK
some of my favorite drawing requests from insta!!
some hlvrai stuff
ah yes my favourite ship dynamic where characters don't know about each other's existence
A3! Summer troupe gift exchange.
Tenma always gives signed autographs of his face and is like “hold onto that, it’ll be worth something in a few years”. Little does he know the reason why everyone is really happy to pull his name isn’t for the picture, but because he always puts $20 in the card.
Yuki always makes their gifts, that’s no surprise. It depends; sometimes it’s clothes for their plushies (like if it’s Kumon, it’ll be tiny versions of Juza’s play costumes for the Juza doll tm, or if it’s Muku it’ll be little shoujo manga cosplays for William). Other times its just custom outfits because who doesn’t love a good Yuki fit.
Misumi just gives triangles. Like, I don’t have to elaborate. If Misumi pulls your name out of the hat, you are getting a triangle. It’s that simple.
Muku will find the perfect manga to fit whatever your genre of choice is and... sobs. Like Yuki now has a collection of manga about fashion design and Misumi has a special place on his shelf for the only triangle-related manga Muku could find (it’s a geometry textbook).
Kazunari will get you the most thoughtful gift, that he found through a TikTok advertisement. Like the gift is catered to you, so Muku is getting a manga he found on booktok or Yuki is getting some hair curler he found that is very likely a part of a pyramid scheme. It is just all very... TikTok
Kumon gives homemade gifts that are just the most wholesome things in the world. Like yes, the bonsai he gave Tenma is half dead, but he still spent the past 4 months catering to it and he is so proud. And yes, Tenma does have a special space on his shelf for it.
I love friendship
🔥🔥I WANT TO PUNCH THEM..🔥🔥
Ohhhhhhhh yeah.
HAHAHA OH NOO.. THATS HILARIOUS ACTUALLY :’D
hi can anyone tell me why i made weird angst art of one of my buddy’s ocs except it’s about their actual life as a living breathing human being. what in the mc[redacted]
this is the Thing™️ @angelmolotovv my apologies for how awkward this must be to look at (read the chain thingy)
also i was too lazy to fix the eyes so whatever. they stay wonky