Jeffrey Dean Morgan X Reader - Tumblr Posts
(Not a) Bad Guy
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Warnings - Mention of rape (no details, not between reader x Negan), you hit your head a lot, angst. First time writing Negan so probably very ooc.
Requested - anon - based of 09x9. When Negan leaves Alexandria, he comes across the reader hiding in the saviour’s old place about to be bitten by a zombie. When he realises there’s, nothing left for him he takes you back with him. Just go from there Angst & fluff w/ a happy ending please, thanks x
Prompts - “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. That’s it breathe for me, it’s okay. We’ll sit here for as long as you need. You’re safe, I promise.” & “You can’t sleep yet, kid, I need you to stay awake.” & "While there is life, there is hope.” &“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” & “Sometimes it’s good to be scared because it means you still have something to lose…” & “I’ve never met someone so optimistic. It’s impressive, but how?”
‘There’s nothing out there for you, for anyone’ Judith had told him. Deep down he knew she was right but he ignored that part of himself, he had to leave, had to see for himself. He hadn’t had to lie to Judith when he told her she knew him better than anyone, that was the sad truth, his only friend was a kid who defied her mom to come talk to him outside of his little prison.
As he walked, the sun on his skin, a slight breeze around him, he was glad he took his chance. Maybe the kid was right, maybe there was nothing left out here for anyone but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to look.
After stopping in a deserted town, and a close encounter with a couple of dogs, he knew where he had to go, just needed to see for himself what had become of his Sanctuary.
“Home, sweet, home.” He murmured to himself as he gazed upon the place he once ran, a place where he was looked up to, a place where he was practically treated like royalty, especially in comparison to his position at Alexandria. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked.
Judith’s words ran through his head as he looked at the place. Empty and trashed, nothing at all like the Sanctuary he’d built for his people. He didn’t leave though, he looked around remembering everything that once was. Hearing a banging in the distance he followed it, recognising one of the Walkers made him grin, people stayed loyal apparently.
He walked deeper into the Sanctuary, hearing the occasional moan and clang. Each room brought back a different memory, some made him smile whereas many made him frown. He’d lost what he had built, of course he’d known that from the minute his throat was slashed and he was thrown in Alexandria’s prison but seeing the reality, well it hit hard.
Negan was pulled out of his head when he heard a loud bang echo down the empty corridor. He raised an eyebrow thinking it was nothing more than a stray walker until he heard a scream. He was running towards the source before he could even think about it. He found where the screaming was coming from quickly, taking note of the scene in front of him.
A girl with tattered y/h/c hair and various blotches of dirt covering her skin was huddled in the corner of the room, two walkers drawing in on her. From the looks of it she had no weapon. Quietly, he made his way over to the one closest to him before attacking, the pipe smashing down on the walkers head a few times before killing it, gaining the other walkers attention as he did so, he turned his attention to that one and made sure it was dead too before looking at the girl who was covering her face with her arms.
Negan knelt down in front of you causing you to look up at him in awe.
“Hey there.” He said as he reached out to touch a deep looking cut on your arm but stopped when you flinched away. “It’s okay, I ain’t gonna hurt ya, just want to take a look at that nasty cut there.” He told you, you hesitated before offering the arm to him.
“That a girl. I’m Negan by the way.” As he looked at your arm, he couldn’t help but wince, it was deep alright and looked like it was getting infected.
“Y/N.” You managed to croak out. Your throat was dry and you were hungry but that wasn’t new. Hell, you’d been on your own for so long, not trusting other groups of people after a few bad experiences with the few you had blindly trusted.
“Nice to meet ya, Y/N. You know,” he started, ripping a small piece of his shirt, “this place here used to be my home. It’s not anymore of course but that’s a story for another time.” You winced as he wrapped the torn piece of fabric around your cut.
“You get separated from your group or somethin’?” Negan asked, looking at you questioningly. You just shook your head causing his eyes to widen. “You’re on your own out here? Hell kid, you don’t even have a weapon.”
“‘M fine.” You whispered causing Negan to wince in sympathy, he didn’t have any water on him to give you either.
“Look, you don’t gotta trust me but come with me and we’ll at least try and find ya something to drink, yeah?” He could have left you; it would have been so easy for him to walk away but something about you made him want to help you. He could see you looked hesitant and your breathing had started to come out more rapidly than normal.
“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. That’s it breathe for me, it’s okay. We’ll sit here for as long as you need. You’re safe, I promise.” Negan said soothingly, slowing his breathing down and exaggerating his breaths a bit but it worked and soon you were copying his breathing. You couldn’t trust him, that had gotten you hurt in the past but he said this used to be his home so maybe he knew his way round better than you.
“Okay.” You told him, voice still barely above a whisper.
“Good girl.” He whispered back, standing up before holding a hand out for you to take. You hesitated before taking his hand and letting him pull you up. He gently grasped your shoulder in his other hand when you wobbled, dangerously close to falling over.
“Jesus kid, when was the last time you ate something?” He asked causing you to shrug, it had been so long. “C’mon, let’s go see if we can find you anything.” Negan said, moving his hand from your shoulder but keeping his other hand intertwined with yours.
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“Listen, you gotta stay here until I come get you, don’t make a sound. You got it?” Negan asked as he led you outside and surveyed the walkers. You could probably get through them, there weren’t many but you figured this guy knew what he was doing so went with it.
“Okay.” With that he turned and walked towards the walkers, you swore you could hear him talk to the one in a plaid shirt but shrugged and focused on making sure none came too close to you.
Watching Negan kill, was that even the right word, I mean killing something that’s already dead sounds insane but these are insane times, should have been scarier than it was but for some reason you really felt safe around him. Hell, you didn’t want to trust anyone but you’d been alone for so long maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to just stick with the older man, at least for a while.
You also were curious about Negan. Watching him now you thought he looked defeated, seemed like he’d lost a part of himself. It made sense, anyone who is still alive this late into the apocalypse has to of lost something, if not everything. You yourself knew that from experience.
“Come on, kid.” Negan called and you followed after him watching as he pulled a necklace or something out of his shirt. Leaning closer you realised it was a compass, you refrained from asking any questions when you saw Negan’s face. If this was before the apocalypse you would have avoided a man like Negan at all cost just because he looked like he could be trouble but after spending only a few minutes in his company it looked like he had more to him than that. He certainly let his expressions show on his face without hiding it.
“Damn kid was right.” He mumbled, still looking at the compass.
“Kid?” You asked, hesitation clear in your tone. He seemed to snap out of his thoughts, remembering you where there.
“Don’t matter. C’mon I know where we’re goin’” He told you before grabbing your hand again and gently tugging you along.
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Your arms were wrapped tightly around Negan’s waist, your faced pressed into his back as he rode the motorbike to wherever it was the two of you were going. You hated the fact you were putting so much blind faith into the man, telling yourself over and over you couldn’t trust him but something about the man calmed you, you felt safe for the first time in a long time, maybe since this entire mess of walkers began.
Cruising down a road, your eyes were scrunched shut so you had no warning and no chance to prepare yourself for when the bike skidded and you were flung from it. You rolled down the hill at the side of the road, hitting your head hard causing you to groan in pain. You hated the damn apocalypse.
You heard Negan groan too and managed to look up to see what looked like a little girl stood with a gun pointing towards the man who saved you.
What the hell was going on?
“Alright slow down kid.” You heard him say as he sat up, his attention solely on her. “I know you said you’d shoot but damn.” He knew this kid? What had you gotten yourself into?
“Whole lotta people are out looking for you.” The girl told him. You lost focus for a moment, the world seemed to spin in and out of focus causing you to put your head down. You didn’t want to take your attention away from the girl who clearly had no problem using a gun but god you were in a lot of pain and she seemed more interested with Negan.
You heard them talking as you struggled to stay conscious, they were clearly familiar with each other and you felt so sick. Lack of food, water, potential infected cuts and now a bang to the head, things weren’t looking great.
“Yeah, cell and all.” Cell? Your heart raced, just who had you decided to let help you?
“There is nothing here for me, not anymore.”
Negan watched as Judith shrugged, letting him off the hook. He quickly turned his attention from her to you and frowned when he saw a cut on your head, blood pooling out of it.
“Oh shit.” He made his way over to you, propping you head up and calling your name. It took a few tries but you somehow managed to open your eyes.
“Hey there, pretty lady. Keep those eyes open for me, ya hear, we’re gonna get you some help. I promise.” You groaned, shaking your head weakly and turned it into his stomach as best you could.
“You can’t sleep yet, kid, I need you to stay awake.” Negan told you, sitting you up further making you groan in pain. “I know, I know, but you’re gonna be just fine.”
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Negan managed to get you back to Alexandria, thankfully you weren’t too far from it. He ended up having to carry you despite your protests after you lost your footing for the fourth time. Judith kept looking at you and Negan but refrained from asking any questions.
The fuss over Negan when you got back concerned you. He’d mentioned a cell but you hadn’t been able to focus on that for too long with the pain. You were taken away from Negan and carried to their doctor who quickly began treating you.
You were given food and water, your wounds cleared and stitched before the little girl from the road walked in with another women.
“How do you know Negan? No lies.” She asked, tone hard as she glared at you.
“I-I don’t know him, not really-” You began but she cut you off.
“I said no lies.” She didn’t shout, she didn’t need to. The way she lowered her voice made her sound more dangerous than any raised voice, though the sword on her back did help with that.
“I’m not lying!” You protested, voice still sore and croaky. “He found me today. I was alone, he saved me.” You could see her mulling over yours words before looking at the kid who shrugged and nodded.
“You can stay but the first sign of trouble, you’re out. Understood?” She asked and you nodded. Relieved that you were granted permission to stay in this place that seemed like heaven compared to the rest of the world.
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People talked about Negan but the story seemed to be different depending on who you talked to. You decided, after hiding away for a week, to go directly to the source. You were a little scared to go and talk to Negan, not because of what you’d heard of the man but because of the women who spoke to you in the infirmary, Michonne.
Deciding to risk it you left the house they’d let you stay in and found where he was being kept in what was Alexandria’s prison. From what you’d heard Negan had been in there for many years and you couldn’t blame him for running away, what you didn’t get was why he’d willing come back to a prison cell.
Noticing the bars on the small window, you sat on the steps next to it.
“Negan?” You asked, feeling slightly stupid.
“Y/N?” He asked back and you couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on your face. “Well don’t you sound better.”
“Thanks to you.” You told him and it was true. The people here had given you food and water, you had access to a shower which felt so good. You’d forgotten what it was to be a civilised person after all these years of just trying to survive each day.
“Yeah well, I’m just glad they didn’t kick you out on your ass for being with me.” He told you and from the way Michonne treated you every time she saw you, you knew Negan wasn’t exaggerating.
“So, what can I do for you? Sure, you’ve heard the stories by now.” So, there was no beating around the bush here. You didn’t mind, this conversation would be easier without trying to not be blunt.
“I’ve heard the stories but I also don’t believe everything I hear. Thought I’d come and see if you’d tell me what happened.”
And he did. You felt he was telling the truth too; he didn’t make himself out to be the good guy but he defended his actions and knew it would end bloody. He admitted he didn’t think they’d keep him alive but apparently that’s the sort of person Rick Grimes was. After listening to Negan’s story, you still decided that the man who had saved you for no selfish reason was okay.
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It had been a month. You were healed, though you had a few more scars from where you’d been stitched. You never took any of the luxuries available within the walls of Alexandria for granted and you’d visited Negan daily. You could even admit you were beginning to trust him.
“So,” he started, breaking the comfortable silence the two of you had been in, “I told you my story, am I ever gonna get to hear yours?”
You mulled it over for a long while, looking over at him now that you were sat opposite him as opposed to sitting on the steps outside.
“I was alone when the apocalypse broke out. My family had gone to visit some distant family members and I hadn’t wanted to go. Two days into them being gone the world seem to turn. I called them and they said they were safe; they’d gotten to my aunt’s house and they were safe. The reception was lost sometime later in the week and that’s the last I heard from them. Hell, I don’t even know if they’re dead or alive. I stayed in the house as long as I could, mom had stocked up on food so I wouldn’t have to go shopping so I was good for a week or two but then the real panic set in with everybody. My neighbourhood seemed to get infected real quick and I was terrified. You couldn’t sleep with the screams and the banging on the doors, people begging to be let in but I couldn’t.” It had been so long since you let yourself remember the beginning and your eyes filled with tears. Taking a deep breath, you smiled as Negan stretched his hand through the bars and let him take your hand in his. He squeezed your hand encouragingly.
“I had to leave eventually. I nearly died just trying to leave my neighbourhood, I probably would’ve but someone pulled me away just in time for the walker to bite the air instead of my ankle. He said he was savaging for supplies and that he had a group. I trusted him and he took me to them.” Here Negan began rubbing soothing circles onto the back of your hand with his thumb as a single tear escaped your eyes. “A few days into being with this group, one of the men tried t-to,” your words were muffled by a sob but Negan understood and felt himself fill with anger. How dare someone try and cause any harm to you.
“I got away before he could do anything. I’ve been with a few groups since then because, well it was harder to be alone. Some groups were nicer than others but for the most part it all sucked. Before you found me, I was alone for months. Not too many people out nowadays and walkers are easy enough to deal with but supplies are so hard to come about now.” You finished lamely, shrugging as you turned your head to look at Negan. He pushed his other hand through the bars and wiped away the tears you hadn’t even known had fallen before squeezing your hand again.
“Damn, you’re tough as nails surviving this long on your own for the most part. Hell, even I needed people.” He said with a weak laugh.
“Yeah well, some people let the fear get to them I guess.” You said understandingly.
“You know what I don’t get though? Every time we talk, all the shit you’ve been through, you’re still so goddamn hopeful. I’ve never met someone so optimistic. It’s impressive, but how?” He asked and one look at his face you could see how genuine his was.
“I guess I just don’t want to believe that this is it for the world, ya know? Part of me still seriously believes it’s gonna change. Maybe we won’t find a cure, maybe we’ll be stuck with walkers forever but a part of me knows it’ll get better. Hell just seeing this place strengthened that belief. And I guess whilst there are people who want that future, who are working for it then there is hope. While there is life, there is hope.” You told him. He couldn’t help but smile softly at the way your eyes lit up, seeing the belief and passion that made you seem so damn innocent.
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“You ever get scared?” Negan asked you one day out of the blue.
“Pardon?” You turned to him, looking up from the cards you held in your hands. You didn’t really know how to play but having Negan teach you was fun.
“Well you’re so damn hopeful for this bright future, you ever get scared? Not just that it won’t happen but just in general.”
You’d known Negan for a few months now, visiting the man every day. It pained you at first to admit that you trusted him but now you loved the friendship the two of you had, maybe even a little too much when you noticed the blushing that occurred on your cheeks when he held your hand or the way your stomach filled with butterflies.
“Of course I get scared but I think sometimes it’s good to be scared because it means you still have something to lose and, in this mess, having something to lose is surely one of the most important things in keeping you human.” You told him, noticing the way he grinned at you. He always grinned at you like that when you got a little insightful. Negan had told you once if he didn’t know what you had been through, he would’ve thought you were sheltered from everything to have that much faith and hope in a future.
“Do you get scared?” You shot back and he looked at you for a few moments before nodding.
“You know what? I do.”
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“Negan!” You called. They were finally letting Negan out of his cell and putting him to work, though he still is under the watch of guards which made you roll your eyes but you couldn’t judge too harshly because you weren’t here when the two sides were at war.
“Hey Y/N.” Negan grinned, pulling you into his arms when you were close enough. People talked. Some didn’t mind that Negan was out whereas others protested it, not that they said anything to you about it. You’d been at Alexandria for over six months and people didn’t trust you because you liked Negan, though enough people had warned you about him. To this day people still hounded you over what kind of person Negan was.
“You know,” you started, pulling back slightly but letting your arms stay wrapped around Negan’s neck, “everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” You smirked causing him to roll his eyes.
“That so?” He murmured, dipping his head down so his forehead rested on yours.
“Yeah but see I think they have it all wrong, I think you’re a big ol’ softy.” You said, as serious as you could before laughing at Negan’s expression.
“I think you’re a big ol’ pain in my ass.” He told you as he placed a kiss on your head before pulling away.
“That’s not very nice.” You pouted before moving to help him with some of the plants he was tending to.
“Well maybe you should listen to people when they say I’m a bad guy.” He laughed before moving to your side.
Together the two of you worked, Negan teaching you some basic gardening skills and the two of you playfully flirting with one another.
Both of you were aware of the chemistry between you two but neither was brave enough to actually bring the topic up yet so the pair of you settled for shamelessly flirting with each other.
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Michonne had sent you out with a group of people to collect some supplies, despite your many protests. You weren’t even allowed to say goodbye to Negan as she dropped it on you last minute though you knew that was done purposefully. She hadn’t liked you from the moment you’d arrived with Negan and since your friendship with the man continued to evolve she hated you more.
Thankfully her daughter promised you she’d tell Negan where you were.
Being outside the walls of Alexandria after so long felt strange. It was easy to forget the world when you were in your own little bubble that was Alexandria. You didn’t realise how much you actually depended on the place and that thought scared you. Maybe the people didn’t like you but you like it there though it probably helped that Negan was there too keeping you calm when you wanted to panic.
You were collecting some medical supplies when you felt something grab you. It pulled you down causing to smash your head on a counter. You groaned but tried desperately to kick the walker off of you but nothing was working.
“Help! Please! Please, help me!” You shouted, tears flooding your face as you kicked. The world around you became dizzy and just as the walker was about to bite you somebody brought a pipe down on its head killing it. That was the last thing you saw before passing out.
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“C’mon y/n/n, you gotta wake up for me. You gotta, you can’t leave me. Who else is gonna put up with me every day, huh?” You heard Negan laugh weakly. You tried to open your eyes but they felt too heavy.
Negan held your hand in his, resting his forehead on linked hands. When Judith had told him Michonne had sent you on a supply run his blood ran cold. Flashbacks to when he’d first met you, defenceless and close to dying, invaded his mind and he made Judith promise to let him know the moment you stepped through the gates.
What he hadn’t expected was to see a pale Judith running into the jail, clearly out of breath panting that you were hurt and in the infirmary. When she told him that you weren’t waking up, he begged Michonne to let him out, begged her to let him see you. He’d do whatever she wanted; he’d stay in that cell forever if it meant he could be with you now.
He thanked every God he could think of when she let him out and he’d been sat at your side for four days. Still you showed no sign of waking up.
“God, I should’ve told you how I felt earlier, now I might not even get the chance. Because, damn Y/N, I like you. I haven’t liked anyone like this in a real long time. Even back at the Sanctuary I never actually felt anything like this, don’t think I’ve felt anything like this since before the world went to shit. So, you gotta open your eyes and tell me you feel the same and I ain’t ever gonna let you go sweetheart. But you gotta wake up.”
You heard every word and wanted to scream because you felt the same but you couldn’t move. Frustration kicked in and you tried your hardest to show him that you’d heard him but nothing worked and eventually tiredness caused you to slip into unconsciousness again.
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“Damn princess, you’re killin’ me here. I’m a god damn mess.” Negan muttered to himself. It had been five days since Judith had told him you were back and six long days since he’d last seen your beautiful y/e/c eyes or heard you laugh. God he really wanted to hear you laugh.
“If you’re a mess I’d hate to see what I look like.” You managed weakly, a dry chuckle leaving you before you started coughing.
Negan shot up, helping you sit up before guiding a glass of water to your dry lips and helping you as you gulped down half the glass.
“Bout time you woke up, sweetheart. Had me worried there for a second.” He told you as he moved closer, his palm coming up to rest of your cheek. You smiled and turned into the palm, just closing your eyes and savouring the moment.
“How you feeling doll?” He asked softly.
“Think imma be ok. My head hurts but that’s about it.” You told him, keeping your voice low too, not wanting to disturb the peace that settled between you too.
“Listen now probably ain’t the best time to be confessing shit but…” Negan started, looking more nervous than you’d ever seen him.
“I heard you, when I was out. I like you too, Negan, a hell of a lot. Funny how it took me nearly dying again for us to finally admit it though, huh?” You laughed causing him to roll his eyes.
“Can I kiss ya, sweetheart?” He asked leaning closer so his forehead was on yours, you couldn’t help but grin up at him before nodding slightly.
“You don’t have to ask.” And with that he leaned in, slotting his lips against yours and it was so much better than you had imagined in your own head. You fitted against each other perfectly. Negan kissing you softly as you snaked your arms around him, one hand playing with the hair on the back of his head.
“Damn baby, I could do that all day.” He told you as he pulled back, letting his forehead rest against yours again.
“I’ll hold you to that.” You smirked before leaning in again.
The two of you kissed until you were interrupted by someone awkwardly clearing their throat, you groaned against Negan’s lips causing him to laugh and peck yours one last time before pulling away.
“Sorry about that, Doc.”
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“You know when we first met,” Negan said after a peaceful silence had settled between you two. Your head was against his chest in his cell, somehow Judith had managed to convince Michonne to let you in. One of Negan’s arms were wrapped around your waist and the other hand was playing with your hair. “Judith told me there was nothing out there for me anymore.”
“Guess that’s why you were so willing to come back to this place then, huh?” You asked, shifting slightly so you could look up at him causing him to smile and kiss you.
“Turns out the kid was wrong.” He whispered against your lips as he pulled back, “You see if I’d have listened to her I woulda never have gone back to the Sanctuary and never of come across this beautiful woman who I’d soon fall in love with cause damn lemme tell you she is one hell of a chick.” Your eyes widened as you sat up slightly looking him right in the eyes.
“What?” You managed, mouth opening and closing but no other words coming out.
“Yeah, you see, the moment I met this girl I knew there was something about her. Then she came to visit me every day and she’s so damn hopeful about life and the future even though everything she’s been through should’ve made her bitter and angry at the world. The kicker of it all is for some reason she thinks I’m a good person despite everyone warning her that I’m a bad guy. How could I not fall for her?”
You felt your eyes fill with tears and let your head fall against his chest before letting out a wet laugh.
“Fuck Negan. I love you too, so damn much.” That was all he needed to hear before titling your head up and smashing his lips against yours and taking his time to show you just how much he loved you.
Squeeze My Hand (Three Times)
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Fluff-uary Prompt - Hand Holding
Prompt - ‘The world doesn't feel quite so bad with your hand entwined with mine.’
The sun beat down uncomfortably as you made your way back up to The Sanctuary. All day it felt like you had been running back and forth, constantly being told you were needed here and there, do this, do that. You were just about ready to fall asleep where you stood, sweat clung to your skin making your skin crawl and you almost groaned in relief as you entered the main room, it was warm but still cooler than it was outside.
You walked through The Sanctuary, easily making your way around and desperately trying to stay as small as possible, moving as close to the walls as you could so that nobody called you for another favour.
It wasn’t long before you found an empty balcony, sitting down and letting your legs dangle over the edge as you rested your face on the railing, looking out onto the walker infested yard. Despite the heat from the sun you were thankful for the moment to yourself. You didn’t mind helping around, hell you were happy to aid in any way you could, but some days the reality of this new world seemed to weigh you down.
You were glad you’d found Negan all those years ago, damn lucky he’d found you. You remembered back then when you had been so frightened, so scared, so alone. By the time you had crossed paths with Negan you had just about given up fighting, not seeing the point in it anymore. If this was what the world was now how could you survive?
Negan had found you, near starved and dehydrated. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d come across another person, yet alone been with a group with supplies. Walkers had surrounded you and despite the fear of what was to come you did little to fight them off. Negan had watched from the sideline for a moment, then two, waiting for you to make a move, waiting for you to fight them but quickly realised you had accepted your fate.
He made quick work of killing the walkers, drawing their attention to him and using his bat to make sure they stayed dead this time, it was a brutal scene but then he had crouched down in front of you, eyes soft as he gave you a reassuring smile before pulling out a bottle of water and handing it over to you.
You hadn’t wanted to go with him at first, not used to people anymore, not sure what his motives were. Everybody had an agenda these days, if they took you in they wanted something and usually it wasn’t good. Negan though had been upfront with you, taking a seat next to you when he realised you weren’t moving and drawing his knees up as he turned his head in your direction. Then he had started talking. He spoke about wanting to build something out of this mess, wanting to build a safe place, a sanctuary.
You listened to his words, much as you hated it a spark of hope ignited in you as you did, wanting to believe that something could be built from this mess. You wanted to believe that there was still a chance for the world.
Eventually you agreed to go with him, agreed to help however you could. From there on you were always by his side, feeling emotions that had long faded as your fight slowly came back.
Negan watched it happen, watched as you smiled more, laughed more, the passion you spoke with now was such a drastic change from the person he had met all that time ago, ready to surrender to the new world. It wasn’t a shock to him when he found himself falling for you, he didn’t even try and deny the feeling to himself, knowing it was futile.
Over time the two of you grew close, a bond that neither of you had felt with another person before. That’s not to say Negan’s love for Lucille ever faded but the apocalypse had a way of creating a different kind of bond, one not a single person had felt before the world went to shit.
It started slow between you and Negan, both of you admitting your feelings to yourselves but not daring to say it to the other. It was easy to skip around as the two of you were in the process of building up The Sanctuary, coming across a building and clearing it out. It was the perfect place, and you were honestly surprised to find nobody had tried to take it over before.
Eventually though you and Negan got settled into this new life, the walls of The Sanctuary felt safer than any place you had ever called home before, whether it was because of the walls keeping the walkers out or because Negan was a constant presence there you wouldn’t say but at some point the two of you realised that you couldn't ignore it anymore.
The constant flirting, the glances when the other wasn’t looking, the need to say how you felt, the desire to be close to each other all the time. There was nobody you trusted more than Negan, even as people were brought into The Sanctuary and trusted by Negan, forming his inner circle, you trusted Negan above anyone else.
Of course just because the two of you knew your feelings that didn’t mean you could just come right out and say it. It took him nearly losing you before he confessed anything. It took what should have just been a simple supply run and ended with you barely avoiding being bit and Negan pushing away a new recruit in order to slam his bat down on the walker's head.
He immediately turned to you, pale faced and worry clear in his eyes. You watched, panting for breath, as he looked you up and down before he wrapped his arms tightly around you causing you to let out a breathy laugh before mirroring him. It was a while before he pulled away, only pulling far enough back so he could look down at you, his hand coming up as his knuckles ran gently along your cheek.
“Don’t you ever do that again.” He warned you, causing you to smile up at him.
And that smile was enough for him, that damn smile that could turn his mood around instantly, that smile that he would never say no to and never failed to calm him down. That was enough for him to lean down and press his lips to yours in a soft but desperate kiss, the kiss conveying his fear of almost losing you, his absolute love for you, his need for you to always be by his side.
You kissed back with the same force, hand resting on his chest as you did, feeling so happy as you finally knew what Negan’s lips felt like against yours. Now that you knew you never wanted to stop learning the feeling of them on yours.
When the two of you pulled away Negan rested his forehead against yours softly smiling down at you.
“You don’t leave my side.” He said, fear slowly creeping away as he held you close.
“Never.” You promised, intending to keep it.
You heard the door behind you open and barely resisted the urge to sigh as you let your eyes fall closed waiting for the next request to come. When nothing came you opened your eyes and looked up, squinting against the light from the sun, and smiled tiredly as you watched Negan take a seat next to you.
“Been looking all over for you, darlin’.” He told you as he let his legs hang over the edge of the balcony, looking from the yard over to you.
“Sorry,” You said, voice quiet, “busy day.”
“Huh,” Negan said, raising an eyebrow at you knowing damn well he hadn’t asked you to do anything around The Sanctuary but then again he knew how willing you were to help out when and where you could, “Doing what?”
“A bit of everything, helped on the supply run, then Frank needed help with the walkers, Lee needed help with food then there was an issue with the newbies,” you told him, the tiredness written across your face as you shifted to lean your head against his shoulder.
“Why the hell are they getting you to do it? Ain’t like there aren't enough people to do that shit, making my girl run around all day long.” Negan grumbled, turning his head slightly to press a lingering kiss to your head.
“You know I don’t mind.” You told him, moving your hand over to his and linking your pinkie fingers together before shifting and letting your hand slip into his, watching as his larger one covered yours, thumb brushing gently across the front of your hand.
You couldn’t help but smile down at your entwined hands, feeling yourself relax with each brush of Negan’s thumb. It was nice to have a moment alone with the man who was usually so busy making sure everything was running smoothly, nobody interrupting constantly.
Just you and him, together.
You tilted your head to look up at him before leaning up slightly to connect your lips. The kiss was slow and lazy, you feeling the last bit of energy draining from you as you relaxed in Negan’s presence.
Negan was the first to pull away, smiling down at you softly as he watched the way you struggled to pry your eyes open.
“Come on, baby girl,” He said, standing up and pulling you up with him, not letting go of your hand “Let’s get you to bed.”
You didn’t argue with him, couldn’t if you wanted to, just let him lead you through The Sanctuary, him glaring at anyone who dared to make a move in your direction. As you were being pulled along you squeezed Negan’s hand in yours three times, a long-standing tradition between the two of you, one squeeze meant focus on me, it was mainly used when Negan’s temper began to slip and he needed a something to focus on, two squeeze was a discrete signal that something was wrong, and three squeezes meant ‘I love you’.
You watched as Negan looked down at your hands before his gaze shifted up to you, a smile on his face that was always reserved for you and only you. His eyes softened as he squeezed your hand back.
No words were spoken as he gently pushed you down onto the bed, pulling the blanket around you causing you to smile up at him through half closed eyes. Negan allowed himself one more minute to sit with you, gently resting on the bed next to you as he brushed a stray piece of hair out of your face, watching as you sleepily leaned into the touch.
“Stay,” You mumbled, reaching your hand up to thread your fingers together again.
And who was Negan to deny that request?
He nodded at you, lifting the blanket up so he could slide into bed next to you, pulling you into his arms. You happily rested your head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart a comforting sound to lull you to sleep.
“I love you,” You heard him whisper, placing a soft kiss on your head.
“Love you too,” You whispered, bringing his knuckles up to your lips and planting a kiss to them before you fell asleep in Negan’s hold.
_________
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