Negan X You - Tumblr Posts

(Not a) Bad Guy

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Warnings - Mention of rape (no details, not between reader x Negan), you hit your head a lot, angst. First time writing Negan so probably very ooc. 

Requested - anon - based of 09x9. When Negan leaves Alexandria, he comes across the reader hiding in the saviour’s old place about to be bitten by a zombie. When he realises there’s, nothing left for him he takes you back with him. Just go from there Angst & fluff w/ a happy ending please, thanks x

Prompts - “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. That’s it breathe for me, it’s okay. We’ll sit here for as long as you need. You’re safe, I promise.”  & “You can’t sleep yet, kid, I need you to stay awake.” & "While there is life, there is hope.” &“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” & “Sometimes it’s good to be scared because it means you still have something to lose…” & “I’ve never met someone so optimistic. It’s impressive, but how?”

‘There’s nothing out there for you, for anyone’ Judith had told him. Deep down he knew she was right but he ignored that part of himself, he had to leave, had to see for himself. He hadn’t had to lie to Judith when he told her she knew him better than anyone, that was the sad truth, his only friend was a kid who defied her mom to come talk to him outside of his little prison.

As he walked, the sun on his skin, a slight breeze around him, he was glad he took his chance. Maybe the kid was right, maybe there was nothing left out here for anyone but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to look.

After stopping in a deserted town, and a close encounter with a couple of dogs, he knew where he had to go, just needed to see for himself what had become of his Sanctuary.

“Home, sweet, home.” He murmured to himself as he gazed upon the place he once ran, a place where he was looked up to, a place where he was practically treated like royalty, especially in comparison to his position at Alexandria. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked.

Judith’s words ran through his head as he looked at the place. Empty and trashed, nothing at all like the Sanctuary he’d built for his people. He didn’t leave though, he looked around remembering everything that once was. Hearing a banging in the distance he followed it, recognising one of the Walkers made him grin, people stayed loyal apparently.

He walked deeper into the Sanctuary, hearing the occasional moan and clang. Each room brought back a different memory, some made him smile whereas many made him frown. He’d lost what he had built, of course he’d known that from the minute his throat was slashed and he was thrown in Alexandria’s prison but seeing the reality, well it hit hard.

Negan was pulled out of his head when he heard a loud bang echo down the empty corridor. He raised an eyebrow thinking it was nothing more than a stray walker until he heard a scream. He was running towards the source before he could even think about it. He found where the screaming was coming from quickly, taking note of the scene in front of him.

A girl with tattered y/h/c hair and various blotches of dirt covering her skin was huddled in the corner of the room, two walkers drawing in on her. From the looks of it she had no weapon. Quietly, he made his way over to the one closest to him before attacking, the pipe smashing down on the walkers head a few times before killing it, gaining the other walkers attention as he did so, he turned his attention to that one and made sure it was dead too before looking at the girl who was covering her face with her arms.

Negan knelt down in front of you causing you to look up at him in awe.

“Hey there.” He said as he reached out to touch a deep looking cut on your arm but stopped when you flinched away. “It’s okay, I ain’t gonna hurt ya, just want to take a look at that nasty cut there.” He told you, you hesitated before offering the arm to him.

“That a girl. I’m Negan by the way.” As he looked at your arm, he couldn’t help but wince, it was deep alright and looked like it was getting infected.

“Y/N.” You managed to croak out. Your throat was dry and you were hungry but that wasn’t new. Hell, you’d been on your own for so long, not trusting other groups of people after a few bad experiences with the few you had blindly trusted.

“Nice to meet ya, Y/N. You know,” he started, ripping a small piece of his shirt, “this place here used to be my home. It’s not anymore of course but that’s a story for another time.” You winced as he wrapped the torn piece of fabric around your cut.

“You get separated from your group or somethin’?” Negan asked, looking at you questioningly. You just shook your head causing his eyes to widen. “You’re on your own out here? Hell kid, you don’t even have a weapon.”

“‘M fine.” You whispered causing Negan to wince in sympathy, he didn’t have any water on him to give you either.

“Look, you don’t gotta trust me but come with me and we’ll at least try and find ya something to drink, yeah?” He could have left you; it would have been so easy for him to walk away but something about you made him want to help you. He could see you looked hesitant and your breathing had started to come out more rapidly than normal.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. That’s it breathe for me, it’s okay. We’ll sit here for as long as you need. You’re safe, I promise.” Negan said soothingly, slowing his breathing down and exaggerating his breaths a bit but it worked and soon you were copying his breathing. You couldn’t trust him, that had gotten you hurt in the past but he said this used to be his home so maybe he knew his way round better than you.

“Okay.” You told him, voice still barely above a whisper.

“Good girl.” He whispered back, standing up before holding a hand out for you to take. You hesitated before taking his hand and letting him pull you up. He gently grasped your shoulder in his other hand when you wobbled, dangerously close to falling over.

“Jesus kid, when was the last time you ate something?” He asked causing you to shrug, it had been so long. “C’mon, let’s go see if we can find you anything.” Negan said, moving his hand from your shoulder but keeping his other hand intertwined with yours.

-

-

-

“Listen, you gotta stay here until I come get you, don’t make a sound. You got it?” Negan asked as he led you outside and surveyed the walkers. You could probably get through them, there weren’t many but you figured this guy knew what he was doing so went with it.

“Okay.” With that he turned and walked towards the walkers, you swore you could hear him talk to the one in a plaid shirt but shrugged and focused on making sure none came too close to you.

Watching Negan kill, was that even the right word, I mean killing something that’s already dead sounds insane but these are insane times, should have been scarier than it was but for some reason you really felt safe around him. Hell, you didn’t want to trust anyone but you’d been alone for so long maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to just stick with the older man, at least for a while.

You also were curious about Negan. Watching him now you thought he looked defeated, seemed like he’d lost a part of himself. It made sense, anyone who is still alive this late into the apocalypse has to of lost something, if not everything. You yourself knew that from experience.

“Come on, kid.” Negan called and you followed after him watching as he pulled a necklace or something out of his shirt. Leaning closer you realised it was a compass, you refrained from asking any questions when you saw Negan’s face. If this was before the apocalypse you would have avoided a man like Negan at all cost just because he looked like he could be trouble but after spending only a few minutes in his company it looked like he had more to him than that. He certainly let his expressions show on his face without hiding it.

“Damn kid was right.” He mumbled, still looking at the compass.

“Kid?” You asked, hesitation clear in your tone. He seemed to snap out of his thoughts, remembering you where there.

“Don’t matter. C’mon I know where we’re goin’” He told you before grabbing your hand again and gently tugging you along.

-

-

-

Your arms were wrapped tightly around Negan’s waist, your faced pressed into his back as he rode the motorbike to wherever it was the two of you were going. You hated the fact you were putting so much blind faith into the man, telling yourself over and over you couldn’t trust him but something about the man calmed you, you felt safe for the first time in a long time, maybe since this entire mess of walkers began.

Cruising down a road, your eyes were scrunched shut so you had no warning and no chance to prepare yourself for when the bike skidded and you were flung from it. You rolled down the hill at the side of the road, hitting your head hard causing you to groan in pain. You hated the damn apocalypse.

You heard Negan groan too and managed to look up to see what looked like a little girl stood with a gun pointing towards the man who saved you.

What the hell was going on?

“Alright slow down kid.” You heard him say as he sat up, his attention solely on her. “I know you said you’d shoot but damn.” He knew this kid? What had you gotten yourself into?

“Whole lotta people are out looking for you.” The girl told him. You lost focus for a moment, the world seemed to spin in and out of focus causing you to put your head down. You didn’t want to take your attention away from the girl who clearly had no problem using a gun but god you were in a lot of pain and she seemed more interested with Negan.

You heard them talking as you struggled to stay conscious, they were clearly familiar with each other and you felt so sick. Lack of food, water, potential infected cuts and now a bang to the head, things weren’t looking great.

“Yeah, cell and all.” Cell? Your heart raced, just who had you decided to let help you?

“There is nothing here for me, not anymore.”

Negan watched as Judith shrugged, letting him off the hook. He quickly turned his attention from her to you and frowned when he saw a cut on your head, blood pooling out of it.

“Oh shit.” He made his way over to you, propping you head up and calling your name. It took a few tries but you somehow managed to open your eyes.

“Hey there, pretty lady. Keep those eyes open for me, ya hear, we’re gonna get you some help. I promise.” You groaned, shaking your head weakly and turned it into his stomach as best you could.

“You can’t sleep yet, kid, I need you to stay awake.” Negan told you, sitting you up further making you groan in pain. “I know, I know, but you’re gonna be just fine.”

-

-

-

Negan managed to get you back to Alexandria, thankfully you weren’t too far from it. He ended up having to carry you despite your protests after you lost your footing for the fourth time. Judith kept looking at you and Negan but refrained from asking any questions.

The fuss over Negan when you got back concerned you. He’d mentioned a cell but you hadn’t been able to focus on that for too long with the pain. You were taken away from Negan and carried to their doctor who quickly began treating you.

You were given food and water, your wounds cleared and stitched before the little girl from the road walked in with another women.

“How do you know Negan? No lies.” She asked, tone hard as she glared at you.

“I-I don’t know him, not really-” You began but she cut you off.

“I said no lies.” She didn’t shout, she didn’t need to. The way she lowered her voice made her sound more dangerous than any raised voice, though the sword on her back did help with that.

“I’m not lying!” You protested, voice still sore and croaky. “He found me today. I was alone, he saved me.” You could see her mulling over yours words before looking at the kid who shrugged and nodded.

“You can stay but the first sign of trouble, you’re out. Understood?” She asked and you nodded. Relieved that you were granted permission to stay in this place that seemed like heaven compared to the rest of the world.

-

-

-

People talked about Negan but the story seemed to be different depending on who you talked to. You decided, after hiding away for a week, to go directly to the source. You were a little scared to go and talk to Negan, not because of what you’d heard of the man but because of the women who spoke to you in the infirmary, Michonne.

Deciding to risk it you left the house they’d let you stay in and found where he was being kept in what was Alexandria’s prison. From what you’d heard Negan had been in there for many years and you couldn’t blame him for running away, what you didn’t get was why he’d willing come back to a prison cell.

Noticing the bars on the small window, you sat on the steps next to it.

“Negan?” You asked, feeling slightly stupid.

“Y/N?” He asked back and you couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on your face. “Well don’t you sound better.”

“Thanks to you.” You told him and it was true. The people here had given you food and water, you had access to a shower which felt so good. You’d forgotten what it was to be a civilised person after all these years of just trying to survive each day.

“Yeah well, I’m just glad they didn’t kick you out on your ass for being with me.” He told you and from the way Michonne treated you every time she saw you, you knew Negan wasn’t exaggerating.

“So, what can I do for you? Sure, you’ve heard the stories by now.” So, there was no beating around the bush here. You didn’t mind, this conversation would be easier without trying to not be blunt.

“I’ve heard the stories but I also don’t believe everything I hear. Thought I’d come and see if you’d tell me what happened.”

And he did. You felt he was telling the truth too; he didn’t make himself out to be the good guy but he defended his actions and knew it would end bloody. He admitted he didn’t think they’d keep him alive but apparently that’s the sort of person Rick Grimes was. After listening to Negan’s story, you still decided that the man who had saved you for no selfish reason was okay.

-

-

-

It had been a month. You were healed, though you had a few more scars from where you’d been stitched. You never took any of the luxuries available within the walls of Alexandria for granted and you’d visited Negan daily. You could even admit you were beginning to trust him.

“So,” he started, breaking the comfortable silence the two of you had been in, “I told you my story, am I ever gonna get to hear yours?”

You mulled it over for a long while, looking over at him now that you were sat opposite him as opposed to sitting on the steps outside.

“I was alone when the apocalypse broke out. My family had gone to visit some distant family members and I hadn’t wanted to go. Two days into them being gone the world seem to turn. I called them and they said they were safe; they’d gotten to my aunt’s house and they were safe. The reception was lost sometime later in the week and that’s the last I heard from them. Hell, I don’t even know if they’re dead or alive. I stayed in the house as long as I could, mom had stocked up on food so I wouldn’t have to go shopping so I was good for a week or two but then the real panic set in with everybody. My neighbourhood seemed to get infected real quick and I was terrified. You couldn’t sleep with the screams and the banging on the doors, people begging to be let in but I couldn’t.” It had been so long since you let yourself remember the beginning and your eyes filled with tears. Taking a deep breath, you smiled as Negan stretched his hand through the bars and let him take your hand in his. He squeezed your hand encouragingly.

“I had to leave eventually. I nearly died just trying to leave my neighbourhood, I probably would’ve but someone pulled me away just in time for the walker to bite the air instead of my ankle. He said he was savaging for supplies and that he had a group. I trusted him and he took me to them.” Here Negan began rubbing soothing circles onto the back of your hand with his thumb as a single tear escaped your eyes. “A few days into being with this group, one of the men tried t-to,” your words were muffled by a sob but Negan understood and felt himself fill with anger. How dare someone try and cause any harm to you.

“I got away before he could do anything. I’ve been with a few groups since then because, well it was harder to be alone. Some groups were nicer than others but for the most part it all sucked. Before you found me, I was alone for months. Not too many people out nowadays and walkers are easy enough to deal with but supplies are so hard to come about now.” You finished lamely, shrugging as you turned your head to look at Negan. He pushed his other hand through the bars and wiped away the tears you hadn’t even known had fallen before squeezing your hand again.

“Damn, you’re tough as nails surviving this long on your own for the most part. Hell, even I needed people.” He said with a weak laugh.

“Yeah well, some people let the fear get to them I guess.” You said understandingly.

“You know what I don’t get though? Every time we talk, all the shit you’ve been through, you’re still so goddamn hopeful. I’ve never met someone so optimistic. It’s impressive, but how?” He asked and one look at his face you could see how genuine his was.

“I guess I just don’t want to believe that this is it for the world, ya know? Part of me still seriously believes it’s gonna change. Maybe we won’t find a cure, maybe we’ll be stuck with walkers forever but a part of me knows it’ll get better. Hell just seeing this place strengthened that belief. And I guess whilst there are people who want that future, who are working for it then there is hope. While there is life, there is hope.” You told him. He couldn’t help but smile softly at the way your eyes lit up, seeing the belief and passion that made you seem so damn innocent.

-

-

-

“You ever get scared?” Negan asked you one day out of the blue.

“Pardon?” You turned to him, looking up from the cards you held in your hands. You didn’t really know how to play but having Negan teach you was fun.

“Well you’re so damn hopeful for this bright future, you ever get scared? Not just that it won’t happen but just in general.”

You’d known Negan for a few months now, visiting the man every day. It pained you at first to admit that you trusted him but now you loved the friendship the two of you had, maybe even a little too much when you noticed the blushing that occurred on your cheeks when he held your hand or the way your stomach filled with butterflies.

“Of course I get scared but I think sometimes it’s good to be scared because it means you still have something to lose and, in this mess, having something to lose is surely one of the most important things in keeping you human.” You told him, noticing the way he grinned at you. He always grinned at you like that when you got a little insightful. Negan had told you once if he didn’t know what you had been through, he would’ve thought you were sheltered from everything to have that much faith and hope in a future.

“Do you get scared?” You shot back and he looked at you for a few moments before nodding.

“You know what? I do.”

-

-

-

“Negan!” You called. They were finally letting Negan out of his cell and putting him to work, though he still is under the watch of guards which made you roll your eyes but you couldn’t judge too harshly because you weren’t here when the two sides were at war.

“Hey Y/N.” Negan grinned, pulling you into his arms when you were close enough. People talked. Some didn’t mind that Negan was out whereas others protested it, not that they said anything to you about it. You’d been at Alexandria for over six months and people didn’t trust you because you liked Negan, though enough people had warned you about him. To this day people still hounded you over what kind of person Negan was.

“You know,” you started, pulling back slightly but letting your arms stay wrapped around Negan’s neck, “everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” You smirked causing him to roll his eyes.

“That so?” He murmured, dipping his head down so his forehead rested on yours.

“Yeah but see I think they have it all wrong, I think you’re a big ol’ softy.” You said, as serious as you could before laughing at Negan’s expression.

“I think you’re a big ol’ pain in my ass.” He told you as he placed a kiss on your head before pulling away.

“That’s not very nice.” You pouted before moving to help him with some of the plants he was tending to.

“Well maybe you should listen to people when they say I’m a bad guy.” He laughed before moving to your side.

Together the two of you worked, Negan teaching you some basic gardening skills and the two of you playfully flirting with one another.

Both of you were aware of the chemistry between you two but neither was brave enough to actually bring the topic up yet so the pair of you settled for shamelessly flirting with each other.

-

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-

Michonne had sent you out with a group of people to collect some supplies, despite your many protests. You weren’t even allowed to say goodbye to Negan as she dropped it on you last minute though you knew that was done purposefully. She hadn’t liked you from the moment you’d arrived with Negan and since your friendship with the man continued to evolve she hated you more.

Thankfully her daughter promised you she’d tell Negan where you were.

Being outside the walls of Alexandria after so long felt strange. It was easy to forget the world when you were in your own little bubble that was Alexandria. You didn’t realise how much you actually depended on the place and that thought scared you. Maybe the people didn’t like you but you like it there though it probably helped that Negan was there too keeping you calm when you wanted to panic.

You were collecting some medical supplies when you felt something grab you. It pulled you down causing to smash your head on a counter. You groaned but tried desperately to kick the walker off of you but nothing was working.

“Help! Please! Please, help me!” You shouted, tears flooding your face as you kicked. The world around you became dizzy and just as the walker was about to bite you somebody brought a pipe down on its head killing it. That was the last thing you saw before passing out.

-

-

-

“C’mon y/n/n, you gotta wake up for me. You gotta, you can’t leave me. Who else is gonna put up with me every day, huh?” You heard Negan laugh weakly. You tried to open your eyes but they felt too heavy.

Negan held your hand in his, resting his forehead on linked hands. When Judith had told him Michonne had sent you on a supply run his blood ran cold. Flashbacks to when he’d first met you, defenceless and close to dying, invaded his mind and he made Judith promise to let him know the moment you stepped through the gates.

What he hadn’t expected was to see a pale Judith running into the jail, clearly out of breath panting that you were hurt and in the infirmary. When she told him that you weren’t waking up, he begged Michonne to let him out, begged her to let him see you. He’d do whatever she wanted; he’d stay in that cell forever if it meant he could be with you now.

He thanked every God he could think of when she let him out and he’d been sat at your side for four days. Still you showed no sign of waking up.

“God, I should’ve told you how I felt earlier, now I might not even get the chance. Because, damn Y/N, I like you. I haven’t liked anyone like this in a real long time. Even back at the Sanctuary I never actually felt anything like this, don’t think I’ve felt anything like this since before the world went to shit. So, you gotta open your eyes and tell me you feel the same and I ain’t ever gonna let you go sweetheart. But you gotta wake up.”

You heard every word and wanted to scream because you felt the same but you couldn’t move. Frustration kicked in and you tried your hardest to show him that you’d heard him but nothing worked and eventually tiredness caused you to slip into unconsciousness again.

-

-

-

“Damn princess, you’re killin’ me here. I’m a god damn mess.” Negan muttered to himself. It had been five days since Judith had told him you were back and six long days since he’d last seen your beautiful y/e/c eyes or heard you laugh. God he really wanted to hear you laugh.

“If you’re a mess I’d hate to see what I look like.” You managed weakly, a dry chuckle leaving you before you started coughing.

Negan shot up, helping you sit up before guiding a glass of water to your dry lips and helping you as you gulped down half the glass.

“Bout time you woke up, sweetheart. Had me worried there for a second.” He told you as he moved closer, his palm coming up to rest of your cheek. You smiled and turned into the palm, just closing your eyes and savouring the moment.

“How you feeling doll?” He asked softly.

“Think imma be ok. My head hurts but that’s about it.” You told him, keeping your voice low too, not wanting to disturb the peace that settled between you too.

“Listen now probably ain’t the best time to be confessing shit but…” Negan started, looking more nervous than you’d ever seen him.

“I heard you, when I was out. I like you too, Negan, a hell of a lot. Funny how it took me nearly dying again for us to finally admit it though, huh?” You laughed causing him to roll his eyes.

“Can I kiss ya, sweetheart?” He asked leaning closer so his forehead was on yours, you couldn’t help but grin up at him before nodding slightly.

“You don’t have to ask.” And with that he leaned in, slotting his lips against yours and it was so much better than you had imagined in your own head. You fitted against each other perfectly. Negan kissing you softly as you snaked your arms around him, one hand playing with the hair on the back of his head.

“Damn baby, I could do that all day.” He told you as he pulled back, letting his forehead rest against yours again.

“I’ll hold you to that.” You smirked before leaning in again.

The two of you kissed until you were interrupted by someone awkwardly clearing their throat, you groaned against Negan’s lips causing him to laugh and peck yours one last time before pulling away.

“Sorry about that, Doc.”

-

-

-

“You know when we first met,” Negan said after a peaceful silence had settled between you two. Your head was against his chest in his cell, somehow Judith had managed to convince Michonne to let you in. One of Negan’s arms were wrapped around your waist and the other hand was playing with your hair. “Judith told me there was nothing out there for me anymore.”

“Guess that’s why you were so willing to come back to this place then, huh?” You asked, shifting slightly so you could look up at him causing him to smile and kiss you.

“Turns out the kid was wrong.” He whispered against your lips as he pulled back, “You see if I’d have listened to her I woulda never have gone back to the Sanctuary and never of come across this beautiful woman who I’d soon fall in love with cause damn lemme tell you she is one hell of a chick.” Your eyes widened as you sat up slightly looking him right in the eyes.

“What?” You managed, mouth opening and closing but no other words coming out.

“Yeah, you see, the moment I met this girl I knew there was something about her. Then she came to visit me every day and she’s so damn hopeful about life and the future even though everything she’s been through should’ve made her bitter and angry at the world. The kicker of it all is for some reason she thinks I’m a good person despite everyone warning her that I’m a bad guy. How could I not fall for her?”

You felt your eyes fill with tears and let your head fall against his chest before letting out a wet laugh.

“Fuck Negan. I love you too, so damn much.” That was all he needed to hear before titling your head up and smashing his lips against yours and taking his time to show you just how much he loved you.

Be Brave

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Requested - Yes - Anon - Can I request 30 with Daryl please? Angsty but fluff and happy ending. They’re not together to begin with but they eventually get together. Can be set during any season.

Prompts - 30. “Be brave, and you’re gonna be fine”.

You hadn’t known the group for long, maybe a month or two, sometimes it’s hard to keep track of time. Daryl had been the one to find you, unarmed and two seconds away from becoming the chew toy of several walkers. He had taken them out with his arrows before coming to help you up. 

You smiled at the memory of meeting the man. All gruff and rough, barking questions at you about who you were and why you were alone, if you were alone. You’d answered him honestly, you were Y/F/N Y/L/N and you had somehow gotten separated from your group, you couldn’t remember when but it had been a long time since you’d seen them. He was silent for a long moment before deciding he’d take you to Alexandria. The pair of you climbed onto his bike with you gripping his waist tightly, eyes screwed shut the entire time.

Since then Daryl had been the person you had taken most of a liking to, whilst you got along and were civil to other members of the group Daryl was the one you would seek out, the one who made you feel safe. It had taken some time for him to soften up to you, even now after getting to know each other he put up that gruff exterior when other people are around. 

Now the two of you could often be found with the other, Daryl had taught you how to better use the camps weapons, he’d taught you how to track and was attempting to teach you how to use his crossbow. All in all, you were glad you had found Daryl even if it meant fending for yourself for a few months.

“Hey.” Daryl greeted as he came and sat next to you. 

“Daryl, hi.” You smiled over at him, earning a half-attempted smile in return. “Everything ok?” You asked in concern.

“Just this Negan business.” He told you, picking at the blades of grass you were sat on, “We don’t have enough supplies.” 

“Oh. Are you going?” 

“Yeah but you ain’t.” Daryl told you firmly, not leaving any room for argument but you ignored his tone.

“Daryl-” You began but he quickly cut you off.

“Nah, you ain’t coming. I don’t trust this, the saviours” Daryl spat, “are gettin’ more dangerous and I ain’t risking you gettin’ hurt, I-I won’t. You’re gonna stay here, Y/N/N.” Daryl looked at you, stern gaze watching you but there was something else, something you couldn’t quite make out. 

“If Rick says I can come, I will.” You fired back.

“Damn girl.” He groaned causing you to laugh slightly. “Y/N, just, I ain’t doin’ this to be an ass, if things go bad, I want you far, far away, you hear me?” 

“Ok,” you began, watching as he relaxed a little clearly thinking you’d give in. “And what happens if things go bad and something happens to you?” You asked.

“Won’t matter, s’long as you’re safe, that’s all I give two craps about.” The honesty in his voice had your eyes widening.

“Daryl,” you breathed out but couldn’t bring yourself to say anything else.

“Just, please, promise me you’ll stay.” You let out a deep breath but once you saw how it was making Daryl feel, how serious he was, you agreed, you didn’t like it but he was going with Rick and the others. 

You just hoped everything would work out.

-

-

-

You woke up in the middle of the night to find Daryl gone. This wasn’t the first time it had happened but for some reason panic filled you and you rushed outside. 

“Michonne.” You called causing her to turn around. She wasn’t your biggest fan for some reason but you didn’t care right now. Something was wrong.

“Daryl’s gone. We’re going to bring him back.” She said gesturing to Rosita who looked bored but there was a look of dread underneath that.

“I’m coming as well.” You told her.

“No, you’re not. Wait here in case he comes back. You saw him, he was a mess and he’s out for revenge. If he comes back, he’ll need you.” She said and before you had the chance to argue back, Michonne was gone.

Part of you knew she was right, if he came back you were probably one of the few people beside Carol and Rick who could calm him down and considering those two where away, it could only be you. The other part of you who knew Daryl knew he wasn’t coming back, not until he did what he needed. 

Decision made you snuck off, following the path Rosita and Michonne had taken.

-

-

-

You watched in horror for behind some trees and Rosita, Daryl, Michonne, Maggie, Glenn, Abraham, Rick, Carl, Sasha and Aaron were forced to their knees. Watched as Negan stepped forward with Lucille. There wasn’t anything you could do but watch in muted horror and fear.

You watched as Rick stared up at the man, something close to defeat in his eyes. It was disturbing to see that coming from a man like him. 

“You’re kid right?” You heard Negan say, watched the grin play out on his face and you pleaded to anyone that would listen that Carl would make it out of this, that they’d all make it out.

You watched as Negan strolled in front of the group, bat pointing at each person.

When the bat landed on Daryl you felt your heart stop. Only letting out a breath as he moved away from Daryl.

You just about kept in your scream of horror as you watched Negan bring the bat down on Abraham. The tears fell from your face as you watched the continued blows until there was little left.

You watched as Negan gloated, tossing the bat around so blood flew off. You couldn’t blame Daryl, you honestly couldn’t, you would’ve done the same. Still it was with fear in your heart that you watched Daryl as stood up and punched Negan right in the face. You gasped but nobody heard, all too focused on Daryl.

You stood there as Daryl fought against the men trying to restrain him, tears flowing faster down your face. Your head already playing out scenarios of that damn bat being brought down of Daryl’s head.

Fear consumed you as you watched a man run forward, Daryl’s own crossbow pointed at his head. It took everything in you to keep your feet planted on the floor but you couldn’t look away.

You let out a quiet sob of relief as the bow was moved but it quickly turned into one of horror as Negan turned around swinging the bat down on Glenn, watching as Maggie sobbed.

There was a long period in which Negan left with Rick but you couldn’t revel yourself, there were too many saviours. All you wanted to do was take Daryl and leave, just hide away from this absolute mess. You tried to avoid looking at the bodies but your eyes drifted to them far too many times. 

Finally, Negan came back, dumping Rick on the floor, letting out another speech. 

“Dwight,” you heard Negan call, “load him up.” You followed the bat as Negan lifted it, sobbing when you saw it was pointed at Daryl. 

He fought against him but he was exhausted, you all were and you knew Daryl would kill you for your next move, or Negan would, but you couldn’t let them take him, not Daryl.

“No!” You exclaimed as you rushed forward, knife in hand as you stabbed the saviour Negan had called in the shoulder. 

“Y/N!” Daryl shouted from the floor where had been shoved. It was only moments before you found yourself in the hold of three saviours, knife pried out of your hand.

Negan laughed, making him way to stand in front of you and crouching so he was eye level.

“Well, well, well.” He continued laughing, “just where have you been hiding, little lady?” 

“Take me.” You sobbed, looking past him and down at Daryl who had more than one gun pointed at his head. “Leave him alone, just, just take me. Please.” You flinched as Negan brushed his hand against your cheek to wipe away the tears, only for them to be replaced half a second later with more.

“Now that is a tempting offer darling.” He smirked, looking you up and down and what a sight you must have been. “But I want him.”

“No!” You screamed, thrashing against the saviours.

“Yes!” He yelled back, standing at full height and pointing the bloody bat in your face causing you to reel back as best you could in the others grip. “But because I’m so damn understanding, I’ll let you have a moment before I take him.” With that he gestured to the men and you were thrown down, landing roughly next to Daryl who quickly took you in his arms.

“The hell where you thinkin’?” He snapped at you but then shook his head. “Don’t matter. You ever do that again I’ll -” Daryl trailed of, eyes peering over you to the dead bodies.

“I’m sorry.” You sobbed, clutching at his shirt, “Please.” 

“I know, darling, I know.” He said hugging you close. “You listen to me, now, you gotta be brave. Be brave, and you’re gonna be fine. You gotta remember what I taught ya and for God’s sake don’t get into any more trouble. You hear?” He asked, a few tears making their way down his face. You nodded with sobs wracking your body.

“C’mere.” He said before cupping your cheek. Gently he lowered his head, leaning forward to press an urgent kiss to your lips. You kissed back, not thinking this would be how your first kiss with Daryl went. You let out a shout of surprise as you were forcefully pulled up and away from Daryl and he was shoved in the back of a van.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you sweetheart.” Negan smirked as he pointed Lucille in your face again. 

“Please.” You whispered as the saviours let you go causing you to fall to your knees. “Please.” 

Negan ignored you as he turned to the rest of the group, crouching down in front of Rick. 

“He’s got guts.” You heard him say and you couldn’t help but agree, hoping Daryl would cause Negan hell. “I like him. He’s mine now.” Hearing Negan say that caused you to pounce, well you tried to but Rosita saw it coming and dragged you down next to her. You thrashed and sobbed but she didn’t let go. Hearing him go on about how he’d cut pieces of Daryl caused your sobs to worsen, something you didn’t think possible.

Daryl had to watch you from the open van, not able to make a single move for fear of Negan pulling the bat out on you. He’d already done enough damage.

The saviours cleared out quickly, leaving a van, two dead bodies and a group of traumatised and sobbing people behind. You pushed away from Rosita, moving so you were a few paces away from everyone, crumbling behind a tree for the illusion of privacy. You rested your head on your knees as you sobbed. 

-

-

-

It was a while since you would see Daryl again. You’d spent the first few days alternating between sobbing and staring blankly at wall. Then you decided you wanted revenge. Going after Negan wasn’t an option yet, it’d take a while to get Negan but the other saviours were fair game. 

“Don’t.” Rick said as he watched you strut passed his house. He was sat on the porch stairs holding Judith close to him. 

“Don’t what?” You asked, stopping in front of them.

“Whatever you’ve planned, don’t.” He warned.

“I wasn’t going to do anything. I’m going on a run, no need to give that bastard any more incentive to hurt people.” You snapped.

“You’re like him, you know?” Rick asked, not looking away from Judith.

“What Negan?” You asked in disgust.

“Daryl.” Rick smiled; it was a sad smile. “It’s how I knew what you were going to do before you did because he’d do the same damn thing.” He told you fondly.

“He took him, Rick. You saw what he did to Abraham, to Glenn! Imagine what he’d do to someone he wanted to torment, to torture. Glenn and Abrahams death will look quick and easy compared to what he is capable off. I’m getting him back.” Your eyes filled with tears but you refused to let them fall.

“You think I don’t want him back? I’ve known him for years, he’s my brother!” He exclaimed, the change in tone startling Judith. He paused to shush her before turning to you. “Trust me what you’re feeling for Negan, so am I, so is everyone.”

“Yet you’re all just willing to sit on your arses and accommodate Negan’s every God damn need!” You yelled.

“He’s got Daryl over us; we fuck up then Daryl pays. You don’t want that and neither do I. Remember what he told you; don’t get into trouble.” Rick reminded you like you didn’t reply those last words in your head continuously.

“So what? I sat around here with my thumb up my arse?” You snorted, moving to take a seat next to Rick, smiling as Judith reached for you.

“No, I’m saying we play Negan’s game for a while until we have a plan. A smart plan.” He told you, passing Judith over to you.

You suddenly felt exhausted every bit of fight had left you. With a sigh you rested your head on Rick’s shoulder causing him to smile sadly down at you before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you close.

“We’ll get him back, Y/N, I promise.” He swore, placing a kiss on top of your head.

“I know.” You told him. With or without his help you were getting Daryl back.

-

-

-

The next time you saw Daryl it was when Negan came to pick up his share of Alexandria’s supplies.

“Daryl’s here.” Rick told you causing you to look around but Rick stopped you, placing his hand on your upper arm. “No one is to talk to him, he said he’ll start cutting pieces off.” He told you regretfully, watching the tears fill your eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N/N, I really am.”

“Fuck!” You exclaimed, kick the wall next to you.

You moved away from Rick, leaving him to deal with greedy saviours, and started looking for Daryl. The moment you saw him you gasped, trying not to cry. He looked terrible, drained, exhausted. It took everything in you not to run to him. 

You waited until Negan entered the house before sneaking over.

“Daryl.” You breathed out causing his head to snap around to you before looking to the house Negan just entered and then back to you.

“Y/N/N.” He whispered sounding worse than he looked.

“What has he done to you?” You asked, walking up to him and cupping his cheek. You smiled sadly as he leaned into the embrace.

“Nothin’ darlin’, don’t you be worrying. You just keep yourself out of trouble.” He told you with a smirk that held no energy.

“Now what is this?” Negan exclaimed as he walked out the house, that damn bat swung over his shoulder.

“Be brave for me, darlin’.” Daryl whispered before moving away from you. 

“I do believe I told all of you no talking to the help!” He yelled the last word, swinging Lucille in front of your face quickly causing you to flinch.

“I made an expectation for you once, sweetheart, tell he why I shouldn’t start chopping pieces of him off.” He demanded, swinging the bat in Daryl’s direction.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t, I was in the infirmary and I didn’t know he was here. Please.” You begged, not wanting the man to start swinging. 

“Last chance.” He warned quietly, coming close to you, leaning down so he could whisper, “one more move that I don’t like, your boyfriend is dead.”

You gasped as he moved away and beamed and you. A few tears made their way down you face as you stared at him in horror. Thankfully Rick had followed you down, knowing you would disregard his words, and wrapped his arm around him, nodding at Daryl as discreetly as he could manage.

Watching Negan’s smirk as he left with Daryl crushed you.

-

-

-

Somehow, you’d ended up at Hilltop with Rick and some members of the group. You suspected you’d only been allowed to go because Rick didn’t fully trust you yet, suspecting you’d go after Negan’s men alone which to be fair he wasn’t wrong. You went as a group because Rick had decided that they were ready to fight, they needed to fight Negan. It was the first thing you had agreed with for weeks.

He told Maggie how she was right and it was a heartfelt reunion for the group. You stood to the side watching, noticing how the group was down one vital member but hopefully when all was said and done, you’d have Daryl back.

You watched as Rick’s gaze strayed from Maggie’s to something behind her, too deep in thought though you didn’t follow his movement to see where he had gone. Not until Michonne bumped your shoulder. You looked up at her and saw the amazed smile on her face and followed her gaze when she nodded. You let out a choked sob as you watched Daryl leave Rick’s embrace and ran over to you. 

Daryl collapsed into your arms the moment he was next to you, laying his head on your chest even with the height different. You sobbed into his hair as he sobbed into your chest. Whatever Negan and his saviours had done it had broken the strong man in front of you.

The two of you ended up on the floor. You held Daryl close to your chest as he clung to you, neither of you willing to let the other go for even a moment. You looked up to find everyone around you in various stages of shock, most crying but with big smiles on their faces. 

For once everything looked like it could go in your favour.

-

-

-

That night you and Daryl lay in bed together. He lay comfortably on your chest and you played with the overgrown hair. He had told you and Rick about what had happened whilst he was at the Sanctuary and it broke both your hearts. 

You heard about his escape and couldn’t help but wonder why someone had helped him but didn’t dwell on it for too long because you had Daryl back. 

You weren’t surprised to hear the man had refused to join Negan’s side though. Thankful even because it showed Negan hadn’t broken Daryl, not completely. 

“Missed you.” You heard him mumble. The poor man looked exhausted but the relief and happiness to be back with his family, with you, was so visible on his face that you couldn't help but smile back softly. 

“I missed you too, baby.” You told him, voice barely above a whisper so not to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere that was there.

“Thought he was gonna kill me, kept thinkin’ bout you, bout the group. Those woulda been my last memories of y’all and I couldn’t- I couldn’t…” He trailed of as a sob wracked his body. 

You shifted so you could cuddle him, running a hand through his hair whilst whispering soft words of comfort. He was safe, you were safe, his family was safe. Everything was going to get better.

“Dunno why Maggie don’t hate me, I got Glenn killed.” Daryl whispered, almost like he didn’t want to admit it which was ridiculous because it wasn’t his fault.

“Negan’s a lunatic who doesn’t need an excuse to kill somebody but if the chance is there, he’ll take it. It wasn’t your fault Glenn was killed, ok, Maggie knows it, Rick knows it, I know it. Nobody blames you in the slightest, you can’t blame yourself.” You knew it would take more than one night to make Daryl see that none of this was his fault but for now the best you could do was hold him and tell him the truth.

“Dunno what I’d do without you baby girl.” He told you after he’d calmed down. The tears were gone and all that was left was sheer exhaustion.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you either. Can’t put me through that again.” You scolded causing him to laugh tiredly.

“Don’t think we ain’t talking about your little surprise appearance that night either, you’re still in trouble.” He warned, his body just slightly less tense than it had been.

“All the long nights filled with worry should be enough to make up for it.” You whispered to him as you watched his eyes blink shut for longer and longer each time.

“Long nights filled with this would be better, that’ll make up for it.” He told you before lazily lifting his head and pressing his lips against yours, drawing you into a soft kiss that made you melt.

“God, baby, I missed you so damn much.” He whispered against your lips as he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours.

“I missed you too.” You whispered back, pressing you lips against his briefly before pulling away and guiding him to lay back down.

“Go to sleep, baby. I’ll still be here tomorrow.” You told him as you resumed running your hand through his hair.

“Be here all the damn time, I ain’t ever letting you go again.” He mumbled before he drifted off to sleep.

It was a long road plagued with nightmares, tears, anxiety and more stress than one thought possible but eventually Daryl got better with the help of everyone around him and the two of you were closer than ever. Daryl had even officially asked you to be his girlfriend, after a kick up the ass from Rick. 

True to his word Daryl didn’t let your surprise appearance that night go but it ended with the two of you airing your frustrations out and admitting just how much you liked and cared for each other. 

It was good for both of you. 

Squeeze My Hand (Three Times)

Click here for my masterlist.

Fluff-uary Prompt - Hand Holding

Prompt - ‘The world doesn't feel quite so bad with your hand entwined with mine.’

The sun beat down uncomfortably as you made your way back up to The Sanctuary. All day it felt like you had been running back and forth, constantly being told you were needed here and there, do this, do that. You were just about ready to fall asleep where you stood, sweat clung to your skin making your skin crawl and you almost groaned in relief as you entered the main room, it was warm but still cooler than it was outside.

You walked through The Sanctuary, easily making your way around and desperately trying to stay as small as possible, moving as close to the walls as you could so that nobody called you for another favour.

It wasn’t long before you found an empty balcony, sitting down and letting your legs dangle over the edge as you rested your face on the railing, looking out onto the walker infested yard. Despite the heat from the sun you were thankful for the moment to yourself. You didn’t mind helping around, hell you were happy to aid in any way you could, but some days the reality of this new world seemed to weigh you down.

You were glad you’d found Negan all those years ago, damn lucky he’d found you. You remembered back then when you had been so frightened, so scared, so alone. By the time you had crossed paths with Negan you had just about given up fighting, not seeing the point in it anymore. If this was what the world was now how could you survive?

Negan had found you, near starved and dehydrated. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d come across another person, yet alone been with a group with supplies. Walkers had surrounded you and despite the fear of what was to come you did little to fight them off. Negan had watched from the sideline for a moment, then two, waiting for you to make a move, waiting for you to fight them but quickly realised you had accepted your fate.

He made quick work of killing the walkers, drawing their attention to him and using his bat to make sure they stayed dead this time, it was a brutal scene but then he had crouched down in front of you, eyes soft as he gave you a reassuring smile before pulling out a bottle of water and handing it over to you.

You hadn’t wanted to go with him at first, not used to people anymore, not sure what his motives were. Everybody had an agenda these days, if they took you in they wanted something and usually it wasn’t good. Negan though had been upfront with you, taking a seat next to you when he realised you weren’t moving and drawing his knees up as he turned his head in your direction. Then he had started talking. He spoke about wanting to build something out of this mess, wanting to build a safe place, a sanctuary.

You listened to his words, much as you hated it a spark of hope ignited in you as you did, wanting to believe that something could be built from this mess. You wanted to believe that there was still a chance for the world.

Eventually you agreed to go with him, agreed to help however you could. From there on you were always by his side, feeling emotions that had long faded as your fight slowly came back.

Negan watched it happen, watched as you smiled more, laughed more, the passion you spoke with now was such a drastic change from the person he had met all that time ago, ready to surrender to the new world. It wasn’t a shock to him when he found himself falling for you, he didn’t even try and deny the feeling to himself, knowing it was futile.

Over time the two of you grew close, a bond that neither of you had felt with another person before. That’s not to say Negan’s love for Lucille ever faded but the apocalypse had a way of creating a different kind of bond, one not a single person had felt before the world went to shit.

It started slow between you and Negan, both of you admitting your feelings to yourselves but not daring to say it to the other. It was easy to skip around as the two of you were in the process of building up The Sanctuary, coming across a building and clearing it out. It was the perfect place, and you were honestly surprised to find nobody had tried to take it over before.

Eventually though you and Negan got settled into this new life, the walls of The Sanctuary felt safer than any place you had ever called home before, whether it was because of the walls keeping the walkers out or because Negan was a constant presence there you wouldn’t say but at some point the two of you realised that you couldn't ignore it anymore.

The constant flirting, the glances when the other wasn’t looking, the need to say how you felt, the desire to be close to each other all the time. There was nobody you trusted more than Negan, even as people were brought into The Sanctuary and trusted by Negan, forming his inner circle, you trusted Negan above anyone else.

Of course just because the two of you knew your feelings that didn’t mean you could just come right out and say it. It took him nearly losing you before he confessed anything. It took what should have just been a simple supply run and ended with you barely avoiding being bit and Negan pushing away a new recruit in order to slam his bat down on the walker's head.

He immediately turned to you, pale faced and worry clear in his eyes. You watched, panting for breath, as he looked you up and down before he wrapped his arms tightly around you causing you to let out a breathy laugh before mirroring him. It was a while before he pulled away, only pulling far enough back so he could look down at you, his hand coming up as his knuckles ran gently along your cheek.

“Don’t you ever do that again.” He warned you, causing you to smile up at him.

And that smile was enough for him, that damn smile that could turn his mood around instantly, that smile that he would never say no to and never failed to calm him down. That was enough for him to lean down and press his lips to yours in a soft but desperate kiss, the kiss conveying his fear of almost losing you, his absolute love for you, his need for you to always be by his side.

You kissed back with the same force, hand resting on his chest as you did, feeling so happy as you finally knew what Negan’s lips felt like against yours. Now that you knew you never wanted to stop learning the feeling of them on yours.

When the two of you pulled away Negan rested his forehead against yours softly smiling down at you.

“You don’t leave my side.” He said, fear slowly creeping away as he held you close.

“Never.” You promised, intending to keep it.

You heard the door behind you open and barely resisted the urge to sigh as you let your eyes fall closed waiting for the next request to come. When nothing came you opened your eyes and looked up, squinting against the light from the sun, and smiled tiredly as you watched Negan take a seat next to you.

“Been looking all over for you, darlin’.” He told you as he let his legs hang over the edge of the balcony, looking from the yard over to you.

“Sorry,” You said, voice quiet, “busy day.”

“Huh,” Negan said, raising an eyebrow at you knowing damn well he hadn’t asked you to do anything around The Sanctuary but then again he knew how willing you were to help out when and where you could, “Doing what?”

“A bit of everything, helped on the supply run, then Frank needed help with the walkers, Lee needed help with food then there was an issue with the newbies,” you told him, the tiredness written across your face as you shifted to lean your head against his shoulder.

“Why the hell are they getting you to do it? Ain’t like there aren't enough people to do that shit, making my girl run around all day long.” Negan grumbled, turning his head slightly to press a lingering kiss to your head.

“You know I don’t mind.” You told him, moving your hand over to his and linking your pinkie fingers together before shifting and letting your hand slip into his, watching as his larger one covered yours, thumb brushing gently across the front of your hand.

You couldn’t help but smile down at your entwined hands, feeling yourself relax with each brush of Negan’s thumb. It was nice to have a moment alone with the man who was usually so busy making sure everything was running smoothly, nobody interrupting constantly.

Just you and him, together.

You tilted your head to look up at him before leaning up slightly to connect your lips. The kiss was slow and lazy, you feeling the last bit of energy draining from you as you relaxed in Negan’s presence.

Negan was the first to pull away, smiling down at you softly as he watched the way you struggled to pry your eyes open.

“Come on, baby girl,” He said, standing up and pulling you up with him, not letting go of your hand “Let’s get you to bed.”

You didn’t argue with him, couldn’t if you wanted to, just let him lead you through The Sanctuary, him glaring at anyone who dared to make a move in your direction. As you were being pulled along you squeezed Negan’s hand in yours three times, a long-standing tradition between the two of you, one squeeze meant focus on me, it was mainly used when Negan’s temper began to slip and he needed a something to focus on, two squeeze was a discrete signal that something was wrong, and three squeezes meant ‘I love you’.

You watched as Negan looked down at your hands before his gaze shifted up to you, a smile on his face that was always reserved for you and only you. His eyes softened as he squeezed your hand back.

No words were spoken as he gently pushed you down onto the bed, pulling the blanket around you causing you to smile up at him through half closed eyes. Negan allowed himself one more minute to sit with you, gently resting on the bed next to you as he brushed a stray piece of hair out of your face, watching as you sleepily leaned into the touch.

“Stay,” You mumbled, reaching your hand up to thread your fingers together again.

And who was Negan to deny that request?

He nodded at you, lifting the blanket up so he could slide into bed next to you, pulling you into his arms. You happily rested your head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart a comforting sound to lull you to sleep.

“I love you,” You heard him whisper, placing a soft kiss on your head.

“Love you too,” You whispered, bringing his knuckles up to your lips and planting a kiss to them before you fell asleep in Negan’s hold.

_________

Negan Taglist (Link in bio to add yourself!) -

@lovinnholland, @canadailluminate, @janesofia7, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @sia2raw, @cole22ann, @levisbloodcut, @alexxavicry, @lizamango, @morganaah

PISSIN' OUR PANTS YET?

💕Pairing: Negan x Reader x Daryl

📝Summary:

Walking through the paths of solitude in a diseased and silent world, you come across the memory of the old civilisation.

Stumbling across the highness of it you stay and discover that curiosity does not kill the cat but brings a change for good or bad. In its throne sits a king in a leather jacket, pointing at you with a wired bat and he asks you who you are.

Will your answer make the good reign or will hell unleash upon?

✏️Genre/au: Canon, The Walking Dead fanfiction, Action, Smut, Sci-fi, Complicated Romance, Strangers to lovers

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount: mentioned on each chapter

⚠️chapter warnings: Smut, explicit smut, gore and blood, tirany, surveillance, toxic relationships, manipulation (+ warnings on each part), dub-consent, non-consent

A/N: Hii! Did you stumble across this work? Glad you're here 😊

This is a long going story 👀 Expect it to be posted every 14 days on Wednesday 😊

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

Chapter 1: HAIL TO THE KING

Chapter 2: MATCH IN THE GAS TANK

Chapter 3: THE ROAD

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5:

Chapter 6:

Chapter 7:

Chapter 8:

Chapter 9:

Chapter 10:

Chapter 11:

Chapter 12:

Chapter 13:

Chapter 14:

Chapter 15:

Chapter 16:

Chapter 17:

Chapter 18:

Chapter 19:

Chapter 20:

Chapter 21:

Chapter 22:

Chapter 23:

Chapter 24:

Chapter 25:

Chapter 26:

Chapter 27:

Chapter 28:

Chapter 29:

Chapter 30:

© 2018-2024 Cherry Soulth, all rights reserved. reposting/modifying of any kind, translations, or unsanctioned adaptations are not allowed.

Pissin' Our Pants Yet?- Chapter 1: Hail To The King

💕Pairing: Negan x Reader 

✏️Genre/au: Canon, Action, Smut, Sci-fi, The Walking Dead Fic

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount: 10.581

⚠️chapter warnings: Shitloads of cursing, Gore details (zombies), Mentions of cults, mentions of cult practices, dictatorship status

<<<𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕷𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕸𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 2 >>>

Hii! Did you stumble across this work? Glad you're here 😊 Please, let me know your thoughts once you are finished. Feedback keeps me motivated to write 😁

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

From the other side of the road, as you make your way out of the last line of trees, you observe the huge mall again. The cracks on the asphalt as nature is taking over extend to the building. Decorative trees and plants around the parking lot and the entrance have also grown wild but not enough to cover the vision from the top to bottom windows. Once more, showing the coast is clear, after observing the building for two days. 

The image of isolation and abandonment of the huge mall in front of you is almost melancholic. You remember when places like this would be a spectacle of the consumerism the world was drowning in. When the green papers were all that was important in the first world. That is over now. That simbol of power holds it no more. It can't buy you food, drinks, a safe place or help anymore.

Now it's you against everyone else in order to survive, in order to keep your integrity. Who you are. Your mind, your heart and soul.

Inside the abandoned building, the floor is a display of dead bodies. Most of them are already too rotten to distinguish anything but bones inside the putrid flesh. Some bodies are missing big chunks or parts of their corpse, probably chewed off after being attacked. Most people perished only a few days after all of this started, only to rise again and take others with them.

It couldn’t have been more than a week later, when the silence started to reign and little groups started to form. Suddenly there was nothing left. Just those things walking the streets, attacking anything alive that crossed their path; this rekindled the real need for community to help each other survive for some, or unleashed the perverse desires of those with sick minds and souls. 

You thank the fact that most of the windows are shattered in tiny pieces all over the place, so the air can flow and freshen, otherwise, it would be unbreathable. When everything started, owners of places like this tried to close the establishments and people would break in for supplies. Most of the malls and supermarkets miles around are in similar condition, which makes them accessible, but unlikely to be a good place for shelter or to hold any supplies anymore.

Fresh meat is all those walking dead care about, because they lack the mind to think. No reasoning, no feelings; just an extreme hunger keeps them walking their senseless steps. One can cut them in half and they will still crawl with their meatless fingers to try and take a bite.

As scary as that can be, they are still less dangerous than people. The cannibals, who prefer to chase people for meat instead of animals. The rapists, the thieves, the murderers… All of those can use their brains to do what can only be held by nightmares. That's what rules were made for in the olden days, before all this, to keep them at bay. There are no rules anymore. Chaos has won. A deceivingly silent chaos that makes you forget there's a lot to fear sometimes.

To your surprise, the place hasn't been scavenged yet, probably due to the horde gathered inside, as the remains and waste suggest. Maybe it was even that what broke the windows; a large amount of eaters, attracted to a sound from outside could perfectly pressure the windows until they shattered.

The dead creatures are not interested in canned goods, pasta or dried food, that you know, and seeing that those things are untouched or have just fallen to the floor to a sloppy passerby, gives the cue. And, there's the fact, the parking lot is packed. Meaning, that whoever went inside never left or it's long gone.

Clearing up the walkers still standing their ground or rather not standing at all, you manage to go around the mall without too much trouble. There are only three food stores and you collect from them, filling your trunk with enough food to last you for a long time. The place is mainly formed by retail shops and now that the food thing is sorted, you take the opportunity to walk through them on the first floor. You are checking for things you can actually use but you enter one of the fanciest ones, led only by curiosity, maybe a sense of nostalgia; fascinated by the frivolity that life used to be, before you hear a couple of trucks draw near. 

Your caution to observe the place for so long before taking your chances of intrusion was based on the fact that some hordes act like programmed computers with the order to go back to a determined spot at a certain time after they have been roaming out. That’s the case, at least, if they haven't been disturbed or led away by something more interesting; and for what concerns you: there’s none. Even the squirrels are careful not to touch the ground these days.

During that time you've also been looking for fresh human trails on the little woods surrounding the building and when you’ve been sure everything is clear, you have finally given in to the urge for supplies.

You have taken the ugly car you've been using lately, driving it from the dirt road inside the woods to the parking lot. The thing is dirty, rusty and the left window on the back left passenger has a full crack on it covered with tape; not the fanciest thing to drive, but unlikely to be stolen or draw attention to. It even has low consumption, so it works well enough for you; for however long that may be.

You hide behind a column to watch and evaluate the situation, and soon you notice they are not alone. There are two vans with them and they are parking at the entrance of the building that, for good or bad, doesn't have its large doors anymore, as the remains are scattered all over the floor. You start thinking of a strategy to get out of there, but you know they might see you through the windows, and, if not, they will definitely do it when you start the car; and the thing can't really speed up for an escape, that is evident. You decide to keep hidden while listening to what's happening with the new arrivals, to assess how bad the situation really is. Hoping they might just grab supplies, if they are interested in any of the ones that are left, and then leave.

You hear that they are getting organised in the hall with their combat boots cracking and squishing, glasses and rotten flesh at their pass. When they stop you can hear that someone is organizing the scavenging party, if that is really what they are. There's not much time left to hide so after looking around, you move to another column, one with a clothing shelf attached to it, with more room to hide, leaving you in a blind angle from the windows and the corridors outside the shop. Your idea is to get out of there when everybody is inside the shops, but there are a couple of sets of footsteps going to your floor. 'Fuck my life!' you think. The adrenaline starts to accelerate your heartbeat and causes your body to tremble, ready to run, instincts prepared to take over.

Rationally, you know there is no way you will actually manage to get out of there without being noticed, especially the windows because there is no good place to hang before jumping to the concrete. The only option is to stay hidden, trying to lower your breath and your heartbeat, only the first being possible, thinking they will probably not stay too long in a luxury shop. Probably. After all, you're here just because you were curious. 'Fuck my fucking life!' you curse again 'That's karma for not getting the hell out of here after getting the supplies'. You know how dangerous people can be, thinking briefly about the people you'd already lost. For a second you're almost blocked by the sight of blood in your memories, still able to hear the screams, bile raising in your throat. You hear a single person entering the shop, your heartbeat so strong you're worried they might be able to hear it. Struggling to contain your breath.

"Look at this fancy stuff!" drawls a deep throaty baritone voice that makes you shiver the wrong way, to someone outside. "My wives are gonna pick a fight to see who screws me first!!" And he laughs, making your knees weak. 'Focus! Fuck!'.

That one second you put your guard down, processing his words, you are too late to notice he's going in your direction. Steps getting closer and closer, heavy, revealing he's probably a big dude. He hasn't seen you because he's coming from behind the shelf, but when you move, trying to be as silent as possible, it does not work. You know right away he's noticed you because the place falls into tomb silence. He has stopped his advance but you can still hear the people moving outside. He doesn't say anything immediately, waiting for you to settle into your new position. 

"Oh, so, I have company! Come out, come out, wherever you are…" he sings while he starts walking slowly. You freeze. there is no escape, sooner or later he'll catch you. You are fast, very fast but it sounds like there are too many of them. You don't know what will happen next but you don't move, in a futile hope he thinks there's no one there. Again, it doesn't work as he says: "C'mon! I don't want to repeat myself! Show the fuck up, you dickless fuck!"

As you take your gun out of the side of your belt,  you make one of your fast master moves to get in front of him, pointing the gun straight to his head, holding it with just one hand. You don't have that much munition on you: nine bullets. But You don't know these people or their intentions, and you are not the kind to give up without a fight. You will leave without a kill if you can, though.

"Well! Look. at. you! You definitely don't have a dick, do you?" You look at the man in front of you. An alpha male with handsome features. Thin almond, brown eyes, a big smile with dimpled cheeks and even if his hair is pure black his beard is a mix of salt and pepper. Tall, more than six feet. Black leather jacket, red scarf and a wired bat on his right shoulder. He looks like he's fucking trouble personified. 'The kind of trouble I would have loved to get into some time ago' you think. But you don't look down, even if you know he wants you to surrender. "You have a name, pretty thing?" He seems amused by your intent to hold your ground but there's something else you can't read. His presence is intimidating, although, at this very moment, he isn't trying to be.

You don't answer, but remove the gun's safety with the thumb without moving it an inch from where you're pointing, in a practiced move to let him know you will use it if you have to. But you try to keep your face emotionless. 'I won't if you don't. Please, don't make me shoot you, handsome'. It wouldn't be personal anyway, this is the way the world is now, for everyone. You kill or die, and you are not willing to die today.

"Oh, that's cute! Are you really gonna shoot me!?" He asks with his smile unfaltering, yet his eyes are dark and dominant. He takes a step forward and it's like his presence can swallow you whole. You feel like your blood is no longer flowing to your fingers but rushing to your brain and feet, urging you to run away. 'Your mother would be ashamed of you.' you hear a darker voice inside your head. Shame. Guilt. You shoot next to his head, missing on purpose.

"Let me leave." You say, frowning. Trying to scare him, but when he chuckles the adrenaline takes over and your amygdala chooses the worst option; you freeze. 'Am I scared? I'm the one with the gun, why the fuck am I scared?' He takes a step further, knowing you didn't miss.

"Ooh! So you do have a voice! How rude of you not to answer me then. Nonetheless to shoot…" He nods, cheeky. You see him wetting the center of his lips with his tongue. The way he moves and advances gives you the certainty that he's a step ahead of you. He knew you weren't going to shoot him as he knows you won’t do it just now, but that means he probably knows why. And you don't, because you can't even explain how you feel. He really doesn't look as scary as you instinctively know he is. 'I'm not scared. Intimidated? What the fuck am I feeling?'. He likes it, that you keep it cool in front of him, you can tell. You haven't lowered the gun, your hand is not shaky and you know your poker face is standing still. Practice makes perfect, they say. You distinguish by the sparkle on his eyes and the way he grins, that he likes you. There's lust there too but most men these days have it. Just as if the world going to shit and at least half of humanity is erased or turned into walking corpses tells them to try and repopulate the world. Or they were simply always lustful. Two more steps. 'Focus!'.

"I'm not rude, I just don't know who you are…" You say trying not to take a step back even though his energy is telling you to do exactly that. You can't avoid taking a look at the inside of his jacket as he moves, the black tee enhancing the broad chest and the narrow hips. He exudes virility through every pore but the worst thing is that you've done this while he was looking and now he has a Chesire grin. He probably thinks you want him. 'But you don't, do you?'.

"Hi, I'm Negan." You hear footsteps near, inside the shop, probably some other members attracted by the sound of the gunshot. The gun lowers unavoidably to his chest, he is intimidatingly just four steps in front of you now.

"I'm Alice." You don't know why but you smile at him, it is more a kind of nervous smile but still a damn smile. 'Fuck!'. Another two steps and he grabs your gun by the cannon. He is starting to get at the tip of your personal space, almost on top of you. 'God… His body is so warm...' your little demon whispers inside of you. You shut it down immediately.

"See, that's a sweet name. Hope you are too." a wide smile gleams at you. He seems to find the situation amusing. "I hope this is not your Wonderland, Alice. Because we are about to take every last nice thing from this place."

"Knock yourself out. Not the owner." You lose the grip on the gun and he puts it on the back of his jeans subjected by the belt, taking another step, now invading your personal space. 'I get it handsome, you are the boss now, but get a step closer and I'll knock those pearly whites out in a second.'. If his intentions are the wrong ones you are fucked. The low footsteps become really fast and before you know it, someone is pointing a gun to your temple. "Threesomes are really not my thing, you know?" you grill to the holder. Negan laughs loudly.

"She's funny! Isn't she?" he points out to the man on your right and this one also laughs, just less enthusiastic. Looking by the corner of your eye it's obvious to you he'll shoot you without thinking twice if the other one asks. 'Then Negan is their leader...? Of course, he's their leader…' Someone adds to the party, pinning the barrel of a sniper to your back, making you straighten up even further.

"Definitely not foursomes." you keep your cool but you know if they do try to do what some male groups do these days, you will be better dead. "You guys can do whatever the fuck you want. Just be sure I'm dead after, or in between because I'll make you regret the day you were born." You bile out. "Ah. And don't expect me to do shit!" You say, cold fire burning on your words. 'I should have tried to jump out the window and try to get to the car. Now I'll have to try to kill them all…' your hands open at each side, ready to grab the throwing knives on your belt. Negan stops smiling, and you expect him to grab you or something, but he looks stern.

"Oh! That's a no-no, sweetheart. We do not rape. I'm not gonna touch you. At least. 'Till you say so." he replies in a significant tone, giving you a naughty smile with his last sentence. When you raise a brow to it, he winks at you while he bites the tip of his tongue. "You have my word, darlin' " you sense he means it, but you stare at him for a long time without moving, before you allow the tension in your shoulders to slowly release. "Guys, come on, don't be rude. She's unarmed, ain't you, doll?" They immediately lower their weapons but Negan pulls you towards him by the hips making the tension return. He starts pulling and throwing to the floor the three throwing knives and the hunting knife on your waistband. "Pick'em up," he tells his man without taking his eyes away from you. "See, sweetheart, things are easy peasy when everybody cooperates." He smiles again. "Here, my folks and I, are part of a community, the Sanctuary, a civilized place with rules and all that good stuff! And you know what? Rape is a shit I don't take in my house. Hell, I, wouldn't want to be in a community where the leader allows such things to happen! Whoever does something of that magnitude, ends up meeting Lucille here. The wrong way!" he says, talking proudly, putting the bat between you two. 'A bat with a name. Cool. Just like when guys used to put pet names on their dicks. Now they do to their weapons.' you think, but you can't avoid to wonder 'Why does the bat have a female name?'. "You two will get along. We might just make a threesome one day." He swings his brows to you while he bites his lower lip and your eyebrows get to a height you didn't think they could reach. 'What the fuck is he talking about!? Is that a threat?'. "Just kidding! You already said you don't like threesomes, haven't you?" He chuckles carefree and you guess it is just his kind of humor. "Where were we…? Oh, yeah. The folks that came with me to scavenge today, are the Saviors and there’s a bunch more back home. If you work hard you'll become one of 'em. Or you can become a wife." He opens his arms and gestures with his hand as if he wants you to hug him. 'You gotta be kidding me…'. "I would sincerely love that..." he concedes in a low lustful tone, then winks and smiles showing his teeth. 'Damn. He's hot!' your demon speaks up again but you don't smile back, just raise a brow, 'Become his wife? Bitch. what. the. fuck?'. You can't lie to yourself: you like him, but marriage? Out of the blue? Who is this guy? You look around, the guys are still there checking the shop in case there's someone else hiding, giving you two some privacy. 

They seem to think he has everything under control. And he probably does. But you don't remember saying you were going to follow him and you don't like people making decisions for you. You already know he's a player, so you know exactly how to let him know that about yourself. Also, it's the end of the world, a little game won't kill anybody. Cutting the last distance, you are just at the right height. His eyes follow your movements but he doesn't move, nor does he seem to have the intention to do so. 

"Who said I'm joining?" you whisper close to his mouth and display a lopsided smile. His eyes reveal that he knows what you're doing and chuckles.

"So you do have nuts, hn?" He whispers too, and licks his lower lip from the side to the center, playfully showing his pearls while putting his chin up slightly. You know it’s because of how you did it: privately. Telling him you know he is the boss but you are not a sheep.

"A pair of ovaries bigger than a nut-sack, yes." You say distractedly, putting some distance between you two without breaking eye contact and something shines in Negan's eyes. He invades your personal space again just with his head towards your face as if he's going to kiss you, but changes the course to your left ear. 

"We'll continue this later." His warm breath in your earlobe sends a shiver through your spine, his closeness allowing your senses to take him in. He smells like leather, cedarwood and musk, clean. To that your skin bristles and you just feel like you could plunge on his neck to keep smelling him. You hold yourself. Regaining his straight position he puts his left arm around your shoulders to lead you. The two Saviors guarding Negan follow you when they notice. Approaching the railing you see the rest of the group putting things inside the two trucks parked in the center of the hall.

"Dwighty boy, would you be so kind and hold Lucille for me. Treat her with love, I think she's a little jealous." Negan passes the bat to a blonde guy with half his face burned. Avoiding looking at him for too long, out of respect, knowing you might make him feel uncomfortable, you look at the members of the group. Freeing you from his grip Negan puts his hands over the rail and whistles, making everybody turn around and look up. "Saviors! Who are you?" He speaks loudly for all of them to hear. By the unison answer to the question you realize you are in front of a sort of army group.

"Negan!" You get it straight away. They are one. Submitting to a leader's identity means total surrender. It reminds you of other great cults in history, like Manson with his community, Aum Shinrikyo or Jonestown. They are Negan because they'll follow him no matter what and that scares the hell out of you. Eyes meeting Negan's, he sees you understand. He snakes into your personal space again, whispering in your ear.

"You're a smart ass… Still think you have a choice?" The way he says it makes your body rise in goosebumps, like a frozen breeze caressing your skin. It seems unlikely. Although it doesn't sound like a threat, it's a matter-of-fact realization for you. Sadly, you will accept it, you might even want it. Maybe, with this,  you’ll find a reason to keep yourself going, not just mere survival. Less of a day after day of hiding from people and the walking dead, this is where you find yourself. Even if you are not completely sure how things work, at least they look like they work. 'At least they are not cannibals.' 

"Mhm." You mutter. "Just don't make us drink the Kool-aid..."

He responds with an eyebrow raise and a chesty laugh. "Consider yourself saved then!"  he voices enthusiastically, moving away from you. Civilization, community, laws... For so long, you have lived under the natural law of survival of the fittest, without anything that could stop people from killing or hurting each other. Just the instincts. Survival. Kill or be killed. It sounds pretty good, reliable, but not everything that glitters is gold, and you need to be sure of it before compromising yourself or befriending anyone. After all, you have been taught that trusting people can get you killed. Or worse. 

"Now. These are the rules: You provide for me. If you find something you really like while we are collecting, you can keep it. Unless… you think I might like it more. You obey what I say, you get rewarded. You don't, you get punished. Plain and simple. Are we clear?" You nod gravely, "So, you'll do what the others are doing just now. Useful stuff to the trucks. See?" At this point, you remember about your car.

"Negan?" He looks at you with a grin, interested.

"Hm?" His expression is relaxed as he meets your eyes.

"Is food granted?" 

"Of course, darlin' " He bounces on his knees and you guess that's like a characteristic thing of him. "You can't work if you are starving! You're gonna have some good food if you work for me. As a general fact, Saviors eat well." Even with that notion, you are already tracing an escape plan if things aren't as peachy as they sound. The only thing missing is to see where and how Sanctuary is. 'What if it's a sort of fortress or they lock me down once I'm in?' You start spiralling. 'But they could have harmed me already when it has become obvious that I'm here alone. They have not. I should wait and see, I guess…'. "You'll team up with me, doll. See what you've got in store. Easy-peasy. Chop-chop guys!!" He says hitting the railing with both hands and all the Saviors move back to their tasks. Dwight gives Lucille back to Negan before walking inside the shop where you were just minutes ago, along with the other Savio. "Shall we?" His left arm rests over your shoulders, again and you follow his lead downstairs. 

"Anything you want to tell me darlin'? I see that pretty little head of yours working its pretty wheels." You have your essential backpack with you, ready to flee at any moment, but there are other things in your car. The big stock of food, the clothing, a machete and some other tools that have been helping you survive. "Anything you might wanna share?" The sideways look he gives you with that, makes you think he actually knows what you have. 'How?' you wonder. Paranoia hits, ‘This could have been an ambush, their timing has been accurate, they could have been watching from afar. They sure have the equipment.’ you think, having seen one of them carry a rifle.

"What if I do but I don't tell you?" You ask, trying to sound like you are being cheeky, testing the waters. It doesn't seem to work because he stops dry and tilts his body towards you. 

"Well, in that case, if I find out, I'll take your stuff or your people and I'll throw your pretty ass into a cell until I'm sure you've learned your lesson." His eyes are warning, but his lips hold a mischievous smirk. Then regains his position and keeps guiding you looking forward. "Personally, I think it would be a pretty stupid decision." He mutters without looking at you, giving you the chance to think about it.

"I get that. Well then, I have some supplies in my car you might find interesting." He smiles, pleased, but still doesn’t turn to look. Giving it up willingly seems like a far better option in this case, not that you would in any other, but who knows what that time in a cell really means. If you know where they keep them, you can always get them back in the possibility of an escape. Because, who knows if you would find your stuff where you left it. Someone else could take it while you are away, no matter if that’s just hours; supplies like yours are shining gold.

At the end of the day, what Negan tells you about the Sanctuary does not seem like a bad deal. You have to work to get food and somewhere to sleep safely at night, without having to be half awake to avoid being chewed up or attacked by other breathing creatures. Sounds good to you. There's no rape, or so he says, and that's a lot of tension out of your system. Getting a better look at the group, they actually resemble the kind of people you used to hang out with before everything went ape shit. It could be just appearance because one can't judge a book by its cover and wolves can still dress like sheep, as they say, but it still gives some comfort. 

"Fat Joey!" Negan yells, startling the guy in front of him as he was turning around to see who was getting near him. 

"Where do you need me, boss?" The guy with the bullying nickname obediently asks. 

"See! Our new friend here, Alice, has some good stuff in her car." He points at you then points outside. "I want you to go and bring it all here."

"There are some personal belongings there. I'd rather go by myself." Negan looks at you sideways, probably thinking you are trying to trick him. You turn to face him and meet his eyes directly. "I'm not saying to go alone... I just-Look, I need to take care of it myself, if you don't mind.". You know by now the choice of words is also the difference between life and death, so you rather be careful with what you say and how you say it.

"I'll go with you." He states, briskly walking you both out of the mall. You don't say a word while you get to the car but you are starting to sweat under the Virginian sun. Or maybe because of his closeness; it's been too long since your last human contact. A couple of Saviors are fast to follow you.

"Jesus Chris!" He speaks when you open the trunk with the key. "Were you going to get yourself closed in a bunker? This could have fed you for ages! I have to thank whoever came up with the idea of clearing out this place, otherwise I wouldn't have found you." He whispers sensually in your ear. The octaves in his voice make your emotions shiver under your skin and your breath decides to betray you just a little. Enough for him to notice as he chuckles. "And this pretty stock of yours!" He adds, taking a salmon can out of its package. "This, my dear, has you in my good graces. You are up for a treat!" He moves away enthusiastically but his eyes stain with lust. "Anything you want. No need to ask." Then moves, very close to your face and your eyes fall directly to his lips. Before you are conscious of what you've just done he smirks, "I mean it."

"Good." You answer automatically, turning around to take the other bag and put most of your tools inside. All necessary to avoid the look in his eyes. You know the game you play is dangerous; especially if you can't control yourself.

"What about a: Thank you, Negan?" 'What about a: Suck my toes, you bossy!' You think, still looking inside of the trunk while you try to regain your cold bitch expression. "Or a kiss would be great." He puts a lock of hair that's hanging in front of your face behind your ear. His fingers lightly brush the skin behind it and half your neck before he pulls away. You damn the way your skin raises in goosebumps. "I can tell how much you like me already." His voice is seductive but not as arrogant as before, and you look up to notice he looks a little bit worked up too. His breath is unsteady, his nostrils betraying him, although his position is steady and authoritative.

"Not happening, big bad wolf." You cut him off, taking a deep breath, flickering your lashes and looking at him calmly this time. "Thanks, Negan." You play safe and hooking up with the boss has never been a good choice. 

His scent is burned through your brain and you know he might get in your dreams, but only in the privacy of your head you'll let him do whatever he wants. 

When he makes the pair of men pick up some packages, the two of you head back inside with an arm on you again. Taking in his scent again you stop to think; he smells masculinely clean, very clean, like everyday shower clean and although you're keeping up with your personal hygiene with simple things like brushing your teeth, it's not the same. You're relieved that you washed just yesterday in a river, terribly self-aware, all of a sudden. Not that you care about what he thinks but they all look very much clean and fresh, and you are left to wonder if the camp is near a river.

After leaving your stuff on top of the back seats of one of the trucks, as you were told, you help pick up things from the first floor. Throwing tons of comfy clothes inside of big black bin bags and throwing them over the railing, for one of the Saviors to pick them up, down on the hall. The other guy, Dwight, doesn't have such an easy task as he passes by with boxes and takes them down himself; you guess it’s probably all the fragile, fancy stuff. You wonder what use they will have. When you and Negan move to the next shop, you see in the corner of your eye how another truck has pulled into the parking lot. There's probably too much to take in a three-floor mall that hasn't been overrun.

You are so focused on that fact when you glance at where you are, you go pale. A shop for women's undergarments. One of those where everything has lace or silk or anything that makes it look classy and sexually attractive. You are about to walk out, thinking Negan won't find anything useful there when you see him looking at something on a mannequin, arms crossed over his chest like he's studying it.

"Sorry Negan but this is fucking awkward... I mean what the hell?" He turns over his heels raising his brows.

"I guess you didn't hear me before. I have wives that need my attention." At this point, your brow is starting to hurt. 'Tell me he's not saying what he's saying.' "What? You thought I was abstinent?" He chuckles. 'What a cocky bastard…' "This big dick needs a lot of attention, apart from my ape-”

"Okay, I get the idea." You cut him off with an eye roll and start to look at the articles displayed on the racks next to him. "What are we looking for?"

"It's a surprise you are still here." He chuckles.

"Hum… You said we'd team up, right? I'll leave if you want me to." You start walking away but he grabs you by the forearm.

"I was just kidding," he tells you, awkwardly stern. His mood swings are a thing of madness. "Stay. Why don't you grab something for yourself?" He tells you with a wolf grin, bouncing his knees again. You wonder how he manages to do that all the time without them snapping.

"Nah. I think I'll pass, thank you." This time, you are the one to chuckle and he looks at you as if you had grown another head. "So… I'm looking for...?"

"Whatever you think is hot in sizes Medium and Large." You nod. 'So he likes them curvy, huh.' You walk around the shop putting stuff in a shopping basket. It is a bit strange, especially when Negan stares at you whenever you extend a piece of clothing to take a better look. You simply keep going, taking it like any other job. "You could try them on, be my model..." he suggests. "Oh… You don't know how much I would love to see that." You don't know why you can't contain it but your reaction is to show him your middle finger over the rack you have in front of you, arm extended so he doesn't miss it. You should regret it but you hide a smile behind the top shelf, looking down. To your surprise, you hear him laughing. "Ok, ok, ok." He stops laughing suddenly. "But you better not do that again."

"Sorry, sir…" You reply, dragging the words.

When you go down to the main floor there are some boxes and other stuff placed on the floor, everything fragile and food is being arranged carefully on one of the trucks. As Negan orders you to give a hand while he talks with a big dude with tanned skin, blue eyes and an unfriendly face, you get to know some of the Saviors. 

Arat is a high-ranking member, you guess, as she barks orders around. She's quite young, some years less than you, with curly brown hair with blonde ends and round brown eyes. She has beautiful features but she also looks tough and well-respected amongst the men. Joey, the man who almost gets his paws on your stuff, explains to you about the others as you two carry, place and secure boxes inside of the truck. He looks a little bit on the nervous side, not the toughest kind, but he respects the rules and follows them. His mass helps him with tasks that require strength.

You hear two Saviors, David and Ronald, the dangerous kind of dumb, talk about someone named Jesus from a colony named Hilltop that's under Negan's control. They seem to dislike the guy because he is silent and sneaky and you think you two could get along, just by that fact alone. He seems to be a solitaire when they talk about how Gregory, Hilltop's apparent leader, seems to not have any kind of control over his comings and goings. At the same time, they also think Gregory never seems to know anything and he is constantly making a fool of himself. The gossiping between the two does not surprise you, what does, is the fact that other communities work for Negan. That has to mean he is more powerful than you initially thought and Sanctuary is probably a very big compound.

Once everything is packed and placed, Arat invites you to go on her truck as you two have had the chance to chat for a little bit but Negan claims you'll go with him. So you end up sitting between Negan and Dwight in the front seats of a black truck. You don't know if you are supposed to talk but it doesn't matter because you hear the static of the radio taking anyone’s chance to do so.

"Negan, we have a situation." says a man over the waves.

"What is it?" Negan answers, picking it up from Dwight's right hand.

"Someone attacked the Satellite outpost last night." There you see how Negan's natural grin turns into an angry grimace. "Boss?"

"What in the fucking fuck happened!?" he roars to the radio. "You better have somethin', Simon, 'cause we had a damn project in that fuckin' outpost!"

"I didn't suspect anything until this morning. When they didn't check in, I went there and saw the massacre. Primo is the only survivor. They did the last check out for the night and an unknown group attacked them during their sleep. Someone set the alarm and that's how they could try to defend themselves but they were overpowered." Negan's grip on Lucille, lying on his lap, tightens. So does his jaw. "Primo didn't recognise them."

"Any idea, who the fuck could have done this? Hilltop? The kingdom? They got new people we don't know about?" he asks, calmer this time. 

"We are on it now. I'll find out. Leave it to me." the other man, Simon, replies dutifully.

"Simon." He doesn't wait for him to reply. "I don't think I need to ask this, but, I want them fucking alive, ok? Keep me in the loop, I wanna know every fuckin' detail."

"Yes, sir." answers the other man and you would have sworn his voice wasn't so dutifully this time.

After that, the truck's cabin falls dead silent. Infuriated energy emanates from Negan's body like warmness irradiates from the sun. You are about to say something when Dwight elbows you softly and shakes his head, without taking his eyes from the road. 

Half an hour later, or so it says the clock on the dashboard, Negan clicks out of his thoughts and looks at you, instead of outside the window. 

"So, darlin', are you with a group or something? If it's so, how can they let a pretty thing like you out there alone?" He opens the window and lights a cigarette. 

"I've been alone for the past six months or so. It's hard to tell exactly." You tell him looking at the front of a straight road under the sun. It’s already starting to show refractions, like little waves in the air. "Some things don't even seem real these days… Just like taken out of a movie or a nightmare."

"Yeah, this new world has become some crazy shit." he agrees. "Lucky for you, we found you. No need to be alone anymore..." He winks at you, with a second meaning.

"Don't be so sure I'm the lucky one…" you tell him as a joke but how much you mean that slips a bit through your tone.

"So cocky!" he chuckles. "I can't say I disagree…" his tone matches yours and he looks at you from the corner of his eye, wolf grin attached to a lady killer demeanor. It kind of works to distract you because you look away to avoid the effects and he gets comfortable at your side. 

You can tell he’s still in a bad mood but it's slightly better than it was an hour ago. His head is back to working its wheels as soon as a huge factory appears in the distance but something tells you that's just how he is. A chess master that thinks and sees its opponent's next movements, and for that reason, how to move his own pieces to checkmate. 

It takes you off guard to know this is the building where they live in but it does not surprise you to see a chain link fence full of walkers attached to it. What really does is the people you see inside, working as if the undead were not even a thing. Although most of them look like they could benefit from some rest, food and a shower, as they look exhausted and drained, your attention is grabbed by a group of kids that walk between those people and then disappear behind a metal door. 'Kids!' you think. After all, you've seen happening around, Negan has managed to keep them alive. It strikes you that maybe somewhere in this huge building you may even find a baby, born in this mess, but safe. Sanctuary does feel like a safe place.

Everybody kneels when Negan passes near them. He is like royalty, not just a leader. You can feel that self-confidence oozing from every pore of his body and, since nature tends to lead us, you have become attracted by that since the moment you two crossed eyes. Sure, his handsomeness is more than enough for him to have anyone he wants but powerful confidence equally attracts people; as simple as that. That is what makes him a good leader, he makes people feel like he has the situation under control; people rely on him.

Growing up as the daughter of an army captain you were raised up under the orders of a leader. As cliche, as that is, you know perfectly how to deal with the bad sides of it and how to push the soft spots. Your mum was an exceptional human, a real survivor but nothing prepares you for waking up being attacked by one of your group mates as he died during the night and turned.

As much as she showed you how to manage people, you are still not a hundred percent sure what you are dealing with. Negan has that mysterious vibe and he seems smarter than anybody you have had to deal with while being alone. It has not been that long ago since you were prosecuted by a couple of freaking cannibals that thought you would make a good dinner.

Negan shows you your designated room, a pretty simple thing but it seems to you like a palace after sleeping in abandoned trucks or cars for the last months. Basically, anything logical enough to keep walkers and people away, although, they didn’t always work for breathing creatures. Since there was no one to keep an eye out for you, your sleep was never deep nor were you ever really relaxed. Things were really different when you had a group. 'Maybe things will get better now.'

He asks you to stay there while he's sorting out what happened with the outpost. You realize that if there is an outpost, and from the line of the conversation there is more than one, plus the amount of "saved" people in the building, there has to be a really big amount of Saviors. Now you can kiss goodbye to the idea of escaping this place. You are kind of sure that if this place works as you think, and from what you have just seen so far you are kind of certain of it, there is no way you are leaving by the front door alive. So this is your life now, at least till you outsmart the system if you don’t want to stay. Right now, you are willing to stay, maybe out of curiosity or longing for some normal human interaction, because loneliness has been messing with your head sometimes. 

You go around exploring every inch of your new home, a full apartment with its own kitchen, bed and even a television. You have a wardrobe but not much to put in it, so you decide to leave your bag inside for the moment. While you are thinking about how much you want to get a nice sleep in that bed, someone knocks.

"May I come in?" you hear Dwight on the other side of the door.

"Yeah," you say, turning to face him as he enters with a towel and toiletries on one of his arms.

"Negan wants you to get ready for tonight, shower and stuff... Umm... He said you can go to the market and pick up something cool in the clothes section." You wonder what this is all about. “Do I not look cool in this?” you fake to be offended. You wear a long brown jacket, a little oversized black T-shirt, jeans and military boots, everything is really used but it has worked for you so far. "Negan said he wants you to look more like... yourself." Indeed you don't look like you usually did. 'But how does he even know that?'. 

You definitely look like some generic person if there was one but that is the point, to look less like a fighter as possible. If people underestimate you there’s a higher chance of getting out of trouble. You think he is going to say something else but he leaves the stuff on top of your bed and bids you to follow him with a gesture. 

The market in Sanctuary is a place where people can exchange points for stuff, as you have been explained earlier. The points system is a mere euphemism for capitalism, using points instead of bills. The same exhaustion of living to work and not working to live is pictured on every person you walk by, as you take a good look at the stands before catching up with Dwight. There are such things as pharmacy, devices, food, toiletries, etc. Still, though you don't think whatever is there of basic living supplies is affordable for these people and you start to feel concerned about their situation and how abusive Negan might be.

Once at the clothes stand you find a pair of black fake leather trousers, an over the hips, bordeaux red top and a black denim, rocker jacket with some scratches. You grab another pair of military boots, these ones have some height on the heel, one and a half inches probably, and a pair of thin socks.

"Do I have enough points from today for this?" you ask, not sure about who may know that.

"This one is on the house." 'Is it a reward or an owe me kind of thing?' you are not sure, your confusion must be visible as he quickly says. "We-The Saviors don't exactly work with counted points anyway. You earn what you take, as Negan says."

"Oh... ok, I just need a couple of thigh holsters then and I'm done. If that's possible. My speciality is throwing knives. " He doesn't seem to mind. Now that you notice he doesn't look very happy either, although he's a Savior and you wonder why. His life should be easy in comparison with the people working around you, yet he looks… sad. Maybe his burned face has something to do with it.

"I'll find someone to look for it. You should get ready, I'm starting to get hungry.” Without another word, he heads back to the stairs and you hurry to follow him through the corridors, knowing for sure you will need to walk around to get to know the building. Once you pick up the stuff from your room he leads you through, again, to a community shower and waits on the other side of the door. You have good expectations of clean water but when you turn on the shower a hot one comes out. “No fucking way!” You quickly get under the water and get rid of all the dirt on your body, feeling like you are washing some of your scepticism with it too. You are not up for a brain wash though, you've been here for less than an hour and you already know Negan is indeed a dictator. He favours those who work directly for him but those who work for the system are not in a good shape or happy at all. You've also seen, along with respect and somehow admiration, the fear in some of them. Deep in their tired eyes, hooked to the bone. It makes you even more aware of how careful you need to be with Negan and those who respond to that name. He's not even close to being a saint, the only good thing is that he hasn't tried to make you think he is.

After you get dried and dressed with your new purchases, you decide to fast dry the last remains of dripping water from your hair with the towel and make a single French braid, leaving a couple of tufts on the sides. You hear a knock on the door and that unique voice.

"Having fun in there?" says Negan with his characteristic chuckle. "Do you need help?" he adds in a seductive tone. "I can wash your back... Maybe you ca-"

"I'm done," you reply, opening the door. You find him just a few inches in front of you with Lucille on his shoulder. It seems like it's his natural posture as if she was meant to be there. "Is this cool enough for you?"

"Fuck yeah, it is! You look like you could kick a couple of asses just batting those lashes! You would make a hell of a badass wife!" he chuckles again as he raises a brow and looks you up and down. "I knew it! That glare…" he fakes a shiver. "I knew the second I saw you pointing at me with that gun, that you, were something else... You have something that tickles--"

"Are you talking about the fact that you think and I am smart enough to know how to play your game? Or the fact that I'm cool as f-word?" you take a little breath but you don't let him answer. "If it's the second, I would be surprised, as I didn't think that was a requirement to join the team... especially after seeing some of your guys." Uttering those sentences you've kept eye contact, and you hear a cracked chuckle coming out of his throat but he doesn't answer. He seems to think you are funny, which isn't exactly a bad thing but there are a couple of points you wanna make clear, as carefully as you can. For some reason, you don't feel like Negan is necessarily a threat, to you, but you are aware that it could be a misinterpretation and pointing these things out, could put you at risk. Even with that thought, you feel like he might have already read underlines and judged your character. "I understand, all you have done until now is being nice to me. It gives the impression that you think that because I'm a woman and I'm alone, I might be somehow... inoffensive." you put your hands at the side of your hips. "I would be offended if it wasn't because that's the exact image I've been trying to portray.” In response to that, his eyes somehow show lust but he seems to want to listen more. "Or maybe, you have second intentions which are not exactly offensive but bothering as I have no intention to become your entertainment. Sir." you have to take a step back because this time it's been you who invaded his personal space getting on your tiptoes close to his face. At this point, he's looking at you wide-eyed. Surprised you had the balls to confront him. 

"Oou-holly shit! I hope there's more smartass prattle where that came from!" he does his thing with the knees again and says with a husky tone, that tells you exactly where your attitude has hit. "I like you. I really do. I think you'll do great things here. And truly, I want to have your pretty face by my side, one way or another." he smiles, closing up the space between your faces. "Now… I'm being nice to you because I can read you like an open book. I also know if I do shit to you I'll not sleep well afterwards." 'Yes, I would take that chance to slit your throat' you think, even if you know what he means. Quite sweet. "You are kinda special. I'm not sure what... But I have that feeling that tickles my nut sack that you'll surprise me with a magic trick." He cuts off the short space between you two with a wolf grin. You can breathe his scent and feel his breath over your nose. It drives you crazy long enough to think of grabbing his face between your hands and kissing his lips slowly. Then when he opens his mouth to answer your kiss, you would kiss his underlip from one side to the other before making it deeper. 'Holy shit! Those hormones giiirl!' you feel the need to throw a cold bucket over yourself but decide some mental hold will have to do. You get back to reality to notice he smiles at you. You are looking at his lips not his eyes anymore. It was so obvious that you feel like he knows what you just thought. "I can't wait to see what you hold for me, sweetheart." You look into his eyes again, blush staining your cheeks as you start to feel a real need to kiss him. He puts his free arm around your waist, pulling you towards him, getting closer to your lips.

"Boss, I've been looking for you…" you hear someone behind him, Negan is annoyed, you feel the tension in his body but you tap your hand on his chest to make him react. He moves and turns just enough for the other man to see what he interrupted. "Sorry boss. I didn't notice you were in such good company." You take a look at the tall man with a seventies moustache and dangerous eyes. "Hi, I'm Simon." he introduces himself with a cheeky smile.

"Hi, I'm Alice," you reply, a little bit more serious than you intended. You feel Negans' body language change to a 'Dude, fuck off!!' so you take a step back making Negan release you. He looks at you for a moment with deep eyes but turns back to Simon, flexing his legs and making a gesture saying 'What an inappropriate moment, Simon!' then returns to his smile.

"Let's meet the rest of the team, shall we?" says Negan. You don't move immediately, so he puts his arm over your shoulders to lead you and looks at Simon sideways over your head. As you two enter the common area followed by the mustache-man, every Savior kneels to Negan. He asks you to stay behind him and listen carefully. So you do. Everybody keeps silent.

"Tonight I'm pissed," says Negan in a harsh tone, loud enough for everyone to hear. "This afternoon, I was having my hot diggity dog moment after a succulent scavenging. Then Simon here tells me: Satellite has been overrun and some of my Saviors have been murdered while they were sleeping!" he gives a second for people to react before talking again. "Ooh... and that, THAT, is a grave NO-NO! I'm not gonna let shit like that happen and do nothin' about it… My guys deserve at least to die fighting, not to be stabbed in their back while they are not looking!" he looks furious about it. "Who the hell does that anyway? A coward!" The crowd voices their agreement "Whoever did this, has to pay! So I want every search party putting all their asses to work hard on knowing which kind of DICKLESS SHIT did this to my men." he takes another pause. "I want you to bring them to me and let Lucille make justice! Now, who are you?"

"Negan!!" They all answer and he smiles proudly.

After his speech you follow him downstairs to where the others are, he introduces you to the higher ranks of the Saviors.  Arat gives you a nod in recognition while you walk around. You see others look at you and whisper to the man at their side. You don't need to be very smart to guess why or what they might be saying.

"You'll get to meet everybody else as the days go by. I don't want you to get stressed with names just now." Negan adds with a smirk. 'Too nice…' "You'll need to use that brain of yours for other matters. Names ain't important right now."

You start to walk away from Negan as Simon and Dwight approach to talk to him. You don't want to get into other people's business, as curious as you might be about what's really going on in this place. You notice Arat calling you over with her hand and you decide to go see what she might want. She offers you a beer as soon as you get close enough and you gladly accept it. 'Oh my... a cold beer!' you think. Not that you are very enthusiastic about alcohol but you still appreciate it with the weather.

"My mates and I here were wondering what your speciality is. We guess that if you are not with the wives by now, Negan must have seen something beyond that pretty face," says Gavin, one of the high ranks in the group. Without a word, you quickly take two knives from Arat’s belt and throw them just behind Gavin. He turns to see that five yards from his position, on the dart game, there is one knife in the bulls-eye and the other less than half an inch on top of it. Perfectly lined up.

"Yes, in fact, he sees something," says Arat winking at you. "I guess you really don't need to talk to send a message." she chuckles taking a sip.

"I guess you can't really talk with his dick in your mouth. Do the bruises on your knees hurt, pussycat?" says a big dude with a bully face. You smile as you approach him.

"It must be harsh, that women don't like brainless assholes like you," you say with a cold smile in your eyes. He doesn’t seem to notice and approaches to grab your ass. 

"I know little sluts like you would do anything for status and not have to do a thing. That's why he has so many wives," he says, lowering his voice in a wannabe intimidating tone. As close as he is and still grabbing your ass, you grab him by the crotch and squeeze so hard he yelps. 

"You'll be surprised what I can do with what you lack off," you say as he starts to turn white from pain. "By the way, I'm talking about the mind, honey. Not all of us are only flesh and bone without the capacity of reasoning like you." Then you let him go and punch him right in the left side of the jaw with all your strength. "That's to show I don't need a man to do anything for me." then on the right. "That one's for grabbing my butt. That's not the way to treat a lady. You prick." to that he falls to the ground k.o. "Who's this?" you ask in a despectively still breathing fast from the effort of knocking down a massive body while pointing at him. At that very moment, you notice the room has fallen silent.

"His name is George," says Arat, her eyes still wide open in surprise. You start to hear a slow clap from the side and when you turn to look, you see Negan with a wide smile.

"Fuck me, darlin'. You have quite a temper, don't you? Look! He's lying there like dead weight and you ain't even that tall!" He’s almost laughing.  "Remind me not to mess with you. I do appreciate my balls," he says, invading your personal space. 'I fucking get it! Your man, your rules.' You think for yourself relaxing the way you look at him. 'Why does this dude has to be so hot…?' "Someone take this poor fucking cunt to our dear doctor, please." To that, you see two guys scurrying over to get him. "Now, sweetheart, let's get you something to eat. That must have left you hungry." Negan is already leaving, but turns his face over his shoulder and says. "Oh! But first things first." then turns on his heels. "Who are you?" 

I hope you enjoyed this. Let me know your thoughts and reblog to let it spread 😊 See you soon! ~

Pissin' Our Pants Yet?- Chapter 2: Match in the gas tank

💕Pairing: Negan x Female Reader 

✏️Genre/au: Canon, Action, Smut, Sci-fi, The Walking Dead Fic

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount: 9954

⚠️chapter warnings: Shitloads of cursing, Gore details (zombies), Mentions of cults, mentions of cult practices, dictatorship status

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Hii! Did you stumble across this work? Glad you're here 😊 Please, let me know your thoughts once you are finished. Feedback keeps me motivated to write 😁

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

My gratitude goes to @alldevilsarehere90 for her hard work on beta reading 🧡

The silence quickly spread across the room. He wants that kind of social pressure on you. He wants you to feel the tension of the expectancy on you to give the right answer.

"I. Am. Negan." You say in a firm tone, as his eyes study you closely.

You realise now why he chose this moment and does not wait for you to be more integrated. Being Negan means giving up your identity to be part of the team, doing things as a group, as Negan would. If you were not Negan, your attack on George would then have been an attack on Negan. So, even if you don't mean it, it was the only possible answer.

"That's true, you fucking are!" he smiles at you with a wolf grin. "Let's see what succulent dinner my wives have made tonight. See what I was talking about? This will be my treat for your cooperation earlier. Still though! You can ask for anything you want." he says, rubbing his hands first then looking at you from up with a smile. "Anything..."

After that little moment of initiation, you follow him through the backstairs in the building, to the top floor where his chambers are. Two beautiful women in elegant black dresses are waiting, leaning on the frames of the double doors. They both look surprised to see you but not a single word leaves their perfectly painted lips.

"I'm going to make myself comfy and then I'll show you around." He gestures for you to come into his room but you stay in front of the open door, seeing how black and grey reign in his private space. It looks fancy, neat, with the big squared windows giving light to the space, it contrasts the general shadow staining the hallways on your way here. One that isn't real an illusion feeling towards the unknown. What is his life like when he is there, alone or with his wives? His mouth twitches, followed by a raised eyebrow in what you interpret as his way of saying 'Ok, don't come in then'.

You watch as he takes his jacket off and does the same with his white tee. Now, you can see his toned back and some tattoos on his body. An old marine unit sticks out in his upper arm, as the only one with known meaning for you. The rest seem pretty personal, you would need to ask about them to get more understanding.

He's not too muscular but sexy as hell. Gorgeous. It stirs those basic instincts in you, making you want to kiss his jaw, his neck, his throat going down his chest. Bite him, lick him. You gulp, without realising. As he grabs a clean piece of clothing and, he reprimands you , with fun, easily read in athe singsong tone.

"I know you're staring."

Instantly you look away towards the wife at your right, then to the left one. They both are giving you a pitiful look. You can only guess it's because Negan can't see them. You've seen their earlier reaction when he arrived: fear. Almost perfectly covert with stoicism but too familiar to miss. 'Why do they fear him? They are his wives. Is he mistreating them?' The idea angers you.

"You ok? Have you seen a ghost?" asks Negan, snapping you out of your thoughts, being just a few centimeters right in front of you. Then you notice the wives are back to staring to the front again, like two beautiful fallen angels protecting their master's door.

"Yes. I mean... No. What are we having?" you wonder in an almost childish tone following the rhythm of his earlier reprimand, letting him pass and following his way. 'Why is everyone so scared of him?' Then something twists in your stomach, sensing the danger possibly creeping in the shadows, from the nervous atmosphere suffocating the room..

As you take a tour through each floor, you can observe there's a general flow in the decoration, since his living room matches his quarters and at the same time is similar to the one in his wives' dormitory. Negan has shown you around when he's decided to 'ask' a subtle order- the wives to add another plate for you at dinner and the four women in that room glanced at you sympathetically while Negan explained to you how having his wives can make him feel human again.

Those stares on their own, would have pissed you off at another time but for some reason, it hasn't hit yet. You are not sure what that look is for, anyway. 'Do they think I'll become a new wife or something...?' you brush it off, not really caring about what they might think about you.

You see the general palette: black, grey, silver, champagne and gold. Except for the flowers on the table: red velvet roses. Perfect, as if they were specially chosen for an advertisement. Everything looks as if you are not at the end of the world at all but in a luxurious house, except for the windows that shake you back to reality. Dust stains them since there's no way to clean them from the outside at this height, but you can still see through them clear enough, the extension of terrain where walkers may lurk between the trees. The outside world that once was precious to look at from above but now just makes you think how harsh it is to walk in it. Truly harsh.

You are surprised by Negan's classy ways. You would have expected something more like a gangster-style kind of thing; sexist, with strippers or at least a pool bar. Maybe because some of his guys look like the kind that lack such classic taste, who prefer vulgar stuff and looking at a woman like they are meat, only made to please them. Maybe you are just judging by bad experiences, you don't know these people anyway, because you have found this place to look like a king's harem instead.

You used to like motorbike gangs. Most of them were cool, some were even hot. Usually, you got involved with a guy from a club and fled before things got too serious. Especially if they got emotional.

Your mum and dad had you and your brother at a young age as a consequence of their love. He was a police officer and ended up being shot when he tried to arrest a thief. That was one of the reasons for you to avoid falling in love with someone, that fear of people dying on you. But a broken heart was the main reason.

You had a boyfriend once and you fell in love blindly. The guy was too broken or you were too young and inexperienced to help him at all. You tried your best, god knows you did, but it all ended up as a useless effort.

He had been your first love, your first in all and that always leaves a mark.

You avoided drugs and guns too, even though you knew some people inside the gangs worked on that. You were just a hangar under or maybe they considered you a lay on, - although you never heard them use that word towards you because of your brother's association with a club. If they ever did though, you were deaf to stigmas in order to avoid being banned from entering a club, for causing trouble because of those comments. You needed to be thick-skinned when it came to male-centred clubs because sexist jokes or comments were almost the norm.

The percentage of drug dealers in motorbike gangs was really low but you happened to come across the wrong people a couple of times. Especially when it came to your ex-boyfriend's brother who was a dealer and a consumer. 'Even with that, those were easier times,' you think 'Or at least I didn't have that many life-threatening situations...' Your brother and your ex made sure to keep you away from trouble as they knew what was behind the curtains and wasn't shown publicly.

His wives are already seated at the table when you snap back into your current reality. As he properly introduces them to you, you notice that they are all dressed in black and high heels like the other two, they look ready for a party in the hot spot club of the moment. But it seems more like you are at a funeral with the kind of tension coming from them with the; 'I don't know what to say' hanging heavy in the air. You think that someone else, in your place, would feel uncomfortable because of it but you like them, like someone that enjoys a bird that's inside a cage. Beautiful creatures on display.

Some people feel the need to free them, and you are that type.

You do not understand how their relationship with Negan works. So far you get that Negan likes to explain things loud and clear, so you probably just have to ask a question, sit down and listen but you don't know if it is a sensitive subject to break on your first night in this place. Especially in front of his wives. 'Six wives!' you think. 'What is he trying to compensate for?'

The wives almost don't say a word during the dinner and you just add the necessary conversation just to keep Negan talking. You need to know more about him, how he thinks, how he moves but he starts to talk about the attack on his outpost and the fact that it has to be a group running around his territory without him knowing who they are. He seems pissed about it again by the way he chews on the bread. The ones he knows don't have enough nuts to defy him this way, according to him.

"So, honey, what have you seen before you arrived at the mall?" he asks before putting the fork with the last veggies in his mouth. The redhead wife, who presented herself as Frankie, looks at you for a second, seeming surprised.

"Do you want a full report of the situation surrounding your safe perimeter or do you want just the general concept? I'm gonna need some maps and our current location, to be able to do the first but in general, everything is screwed up. I've seen a couple of places where you can get interesting stuff, useless for other groups, useful here." you explain, while you play with a pea with your fork. Sherry, at this point, asks if you need to be left alone.

"No, it's fine, finish your dinner, sweetheart," he tells her in a gentle tone and then returns his attention to you. "So, hearing the way you said that, it sounds as if you had military training. Were you infrom the Army?" he asks genuinely curious but with his normal tone.

"My mum was. She taught me to be the tough person I am now," for the way he looks at you fully focused on your words, you understand he wants you to keep talking. "She died a few months ago, along with my brother and I left the group I was with. No hard feelings, no shit, I just couldn't stand to care about someone else... and see them die too." Then you see something in his eyes like it resonates with him, something deep down his soul that he shows from his heart, just for a second. Only to compose himself with that intimidating look that clearly hides his feelings.

'That ain't about the men he lost last night' you think. 'Who have you lost, big bad wolf?'

After the wives leave for the night, you two stay chatting about all kinds of things that come to mind. Just as if you were two friends catching up with each other's lives after a long time apart. At least that's how one could see the scene because there is a point where you can tell he's somehow letting his guard down with you with how he speaks and what he says, even his gestures.

It's not difficult to know, aside from his comfortable stance of walking around the world like he owns it, he's always aware of everything. And at the end of the day, it must be exhausting. Even with that in mind, you can't fully pity him for what he is and what he means to other people. There's also the fact of how easy he's making things for you, when you are sure there's others who have had to claw their way up to the top. Or so you've assumed from what George said.

It means he has something in mind for you. Things are never this easy and when they are, there's always something behind it. There's always a price to pay. Breaking the silence that's formed after your internal cognition, you excuse yourself, wanting to get back to your room and he insists on escorting you.

"It's been a pleasure, Negan. It was the best meal I've had in a long, long time," you say to him when you are just a few steps from your door. "Thank you. Have a nice sleep. I'm sure I will." you give him a little smile, more out of tiredness than gentleness.

"No goodnight kiss?" he questions, when you open your door, putting an arm against the door frame with a smile, while you enter backwards to keep facing him.

"I don't think so," you answer, arching an eyebrow while turning to take off your jacket and leave it draped on a chair.

"What a shame! Maybe tomorrow... Goodnight darlin'." he says, staring back at you for a second with that smile before he starts to walk back to the corridor. You stand there listening to his footsteps retreating as he walks away. It has been an intense day but at least tonight you have one less worry: you aren't going to wake up with a walker chewing your face off. The rest is just the same.

It takes you practically seconds to fall asleep once you get inside the covers and your head falls onto the fluffy pillow. Your chat with Negan lasted until the early morning, when everyone seemed to have gone to bed, quietness reigning inside The Sanctuary and you are very tired already from sleeping rough on the road. When you are alone, time seems to lose its sense. At some point you stop counting, now you can't remember how long you have actually been alone. You think it has to be at least six months for the seasons' change but that isn't precise enough.

No nightmares this time, but no dreams either. Just the whiteness of an empty mind. At least that is the sensation you feel before the knock on the door breaks your state of mind travelling nowhere and you wake up startled. For a second you panic 'Where the fuck am I !?' as you frantically search for the knives on your belt. Then you remember everything that happened the day before and breathe, as you stand to look through the dirty glass of your window. This new day is starting to break, you can see it in the faded purple and orange that stain the horizon. You wonder what time it must be until you remember the clock. Half past six. 'Why!?' you roar internally for whomever it's outside the door.

"What?" you voice out in a dry and moody tone as you open the door.

"Good morning sweetheart...Uuuh...Nice panties." says Negan, who's already resting his forearm on the door frame. You remember now that you took everything off and just left your panties and top on. 'Like he hasn't seen a woman in her underwear...' "You ain't wanna go out like that, right? So hurry up and get dressed, it's time to see what kind of cards you keep up your sleeves." you have already started to dress before he's even ended the sentence. "So," he says as he leans with his right side against the door following your every move with his dark eyes. "Today you'll go with Arat. You're gonna check the places you told me about yesterday. And that better be good, 'cause I'm coming too." he adds with a grin and some brow raising.

"I thought the king would be too busy doing..." you roll your wrist while looking away as if you are thinking. "Whatever kings do..." you conclude looking at him. "If they do anything at all," you add in a lower tone, as you turn around to pick up your backpack from the closet.

"You think you're funny, uh?" he says, faking offence. When you turn around his smile tells you he did find that funny.

"You look like you had a good fu--sleep last night." 'He's not your friend. His private life has nothing to do with you.' you think while tying your boots. To your surprise, there's no immediate response or a joke and when you look at him, he seems to be trying to decipher you as if you were talking another language.

"Are you... jealous?" he asks you as if having a lot of fun with the question. You know he is joking but you roll your eyes. "The candy shop is open for you too, darling. You just have to ask for your favourite sweet," he adds, bouncing his knees thrustingraising his pelvis, as a sexual insinuation.

"Jealousy is for insecure people or those who see a cheating bastard on their partner or cheat themselves. Besides...I should feel or have something for or with you for that to be even possible. So, no. I'm sorry for your ego but the answer is no." you answer, as you walk to the door expecting him to move aside to let you pass but instead he walks towards you. "I don't want sweets either. You can get decayed teeth." 'I can be metaphoric too, you know?' you add for yourself.

"I know I'm growing on you. Since the moment we met," he tells you, with a hot voice that runs chills down your spine. 'What if I do? It doesn't mean anything is gonna happen.' you say to yourself. He gets so close, his mouth is almost touching yours. "Besides...We do have something." that thought gets lost in your mind when you feel his breath on your mouth and kiss him, letting passion do its own work.

You put your hands around his nape between his deliciously warm skin and his leather jacket. Your lips smoothly caress his and you feel the wetness at the centre, inviting the caress from the tip of your tongue before you deepen the kiss. Then you stop for a second, without letting him go, just to take his lower lip between yours. Just after a second, you're back to attach your mouths again. Meanwhile he grabs you by the thighs to put himself between your legs, then moves to press your back against the wall. But when he puts his hand under your top where it meets your hip, something switches inside your head.

"Ok, ok, ok. You proved a point here." You say, breathlessly. To that, he lets you down softly.

"I'm not sure about that. I think I could keep with this all day long...Just to make sure you get it." he says without moving, proudly looking at you from above, with a mischievous smile.

"I don't think that's gonna happen." then you recall that's what you said last night. 'Be more true to your word if you want to be taken seriously.' you tell yourself. "What I mean is, stop playing with me. I don't want this mess. Just be with your wives and leave me out of it." Just as soon as you say that, you leave your room with the devil hot on your trails if chased by the devil.

Minutes later, you ask the first Saviour you find in the hallways where to go to find Arat because all corridors are so similar you are not even sure where you are anymore. You find her near a truck. Negan is already there, bouncing and giving orders while some jump in vehicles and head out. As soon as you reach Arat, Negan gives you two maps and instructions, acting as if you are just any other Saviour. Exactly what you want, even though you still have the taste of his mouth in yours and it's driving you insane.

It's been too long in abstinence and he's like the red juicy apple for Eve.

You and Arat are meant to go to the head of the convoy, just behind Negan's truck. There are another four trucks that will take other routes with him, to be able to check other spots near the one that's been chosen for you; the abandoned school, to try and find out if there's anything interesting.

When everything started, the schools were used as camps for the special forces because of the open spaces and many classrooms. So there could be something left behind.

But you don't get that lucky. After expecting to find a good load of guns, it seems that the army left only a few men here. As far as you can see, they were attacked by walkers while they were trying to move the few survivors to the military helicopter. You two start clearing out the outside from the last walkers wandering around and decide to leave the inside of the building for later, in case a herd decides to appear and you lose the chance to pick up the stuff that's waiting outside for whoever wants to take it.

You start checking the place for any weapons left on the floor and any car that might still be useful.

"This one is fine," you say to Arat after checking a four-wheel engine but after looking for the keys in every place inside the car, it comes up empty. "It needs a jump starter, the keys are nowhere to be seen," you tell her, then notice she isn't near anymore, searching for her you see she's putting a couple of assault rifles and some ammunition inside the cab of your truck while she keeps an eye on where you are.

Then, both of you walk to a unit for medical supplies in sync, you open the door like the SWAT would do and a walker comes out after a few seconds, falling through the stairs. Just to find himself stubbed with a throwing knife. You two enter and check if there are no other walkers inside. The place is clear and kind of clean, with only little stripes of skin stuck to any sharp edge as if the walker has been moving around the room attracted by something that's been outside.

"Pick up three plastic boxes." Arat orders, so you walk outside directly to the van.

"Kyle, do you see anything?" you ask through the radio to one of the Saviors. His mission is to look after you and Arat from a highway road next to where you are. He's using a sniper to see more accurately if anything moves around to the camp.

"Two lost souls, no horde. I see many walkers through the windows of the building. Be safe." says the man cutting the communications.

When you two have put the medical supplies in the back seat of the truck, you two decide it's time to check inside the building.

You two stay in front of the door for a few seconds before pushing the entrance open. The hallway is clear all the way along the school, as you move around to take the fire extinguishers and other supplies that were left along the walls. Mainly boxes with basic camp supplies such as; torches, batteries, pillows, blankets, disposable medical outfits and masks that you two put on a metallic trolley. Next to it, you notice an exhibitor with yearbooks and trophies. Taking everything to the truck that Arat has now moved to the front of the building to ease the work.

Once you've emptied the corridors, you two move room to room from the entrance all the way back to the rear doors.

The library is full of books but there's only one body sitting at the study tables with a bullet wound in the head and a handgun still held by his unanimated fingers. Taking the gun and checking there's still bullets inside, you place it in your backpack. You also check inside the librarian's desk and find a gold handwatch and a bottle of Nina Ricci perfume. You place them in your backpack too. On your radio, you notify the scavenge party that's with Negan, about the books on the next channel. The man on the line says they'll pick it all up later. Somehow you expected Negan to answer but you shake yourself out of the thought.

'That can only end badly. Stop thinking about it.'

You meet Arat at the entrance as she walks carrying a box towards the truck. There you take the watch out of the backpack and place it between the sheets inside of it, taking one of the material bedding with you back inside the library, to cover the body with it.

"Why am I not surprised?" says Arat leaning on the door frame. "Don't bother, he's going to be left outside. We don't waste time burying people." You are not surprised because it would be a task that never ends if you buried every single dead body you found. But you still leave the body covered before following her.

As you open the science classroom door, you're met with a huge walker, coming at you, desperate to eat your fresh flesh. You stab him in the cerebellum through the jaw with your hunting knife. But before you are even able to open the lab cabinets, you hear Arat's footsteps approaching you.

"What are you doing here?" she asks impatiently as if you are wasting time.

"We need to pack this stuff, it can be useful for someone who knows how to use it."

Arat raises her shoulders in response. "Fine. But leave it for later, let's keep going. I've found the rest of the supplies in the gym but there's some dead-not-so-dead there." she says.

You take your knives from your belt and nod. You two walk the hallway side by side and push the door open with opposite feet. She kills the first walker with her hunting knife and you throw your knives putting three others out of their misery, as she kills another one from further away before it even has time to come her way. You kill the last one left with your own hunting knife.

"Good job." she congratulates you, as you move to pull out your knives from the putrid skulls.

"Thank you," you nod, as you clean them with a rug hanging from the edge of a bed. There you notice a couple of bodies between the lined-up bunk beds, shot in the head. When you look around there's more. Placed exactly like that. What you hate the most about it, is that it doesn't phase you. Something that would have kept you awake at night almost three years ago, doesn't affect you that much anymore. You've stopped trying to see the person behind the corpse in order to keep your sanity but they were people and they were shot before turning.

"At least they didn't suffer," Arat tells you from behind as she picks up a box.

"But why would they do this if they had supplies?" you wonder. She stops for a second and looks around, then towards the supplies.

"You saw what happened with the helicopter, maybe there were too many of those things around and they thought it was the best they could do." she says as she places a box in your hand. "The ones we've killed just now, they weren't shot. So they didn't have enough bullets to defend themselves and there was definitely not enough food to feed this many people."

"They thought they would starve to death because of the walkers and decided to end it before that," you reply in understanding. Some bodies were chewed on by the ones that died in other ways. "The ones we've found in the other classrooms were locked from the inside..." you tell her as you two walk down the hallway. You can only imagine why. "We should park the truck next to the emergency door, we'll go faster. I'll go pack the lab stuff and I'll take it to the gym."

While she manoeuvres the van, you manage to open the cupboards and fit a first cardboard box full of test tubes and other glass materials. You decide to leave the chemicals for later and run to pick up the trolley from the entrance to place the boxes in it and go to the gym. While Arat places some supply boxes filled with dry food and other survival supplies, you position your boxes in the gap behind your seats. Pulling up the folding bed to be able to place them next to each other and avoid piling them up. Then you jump out to help her with the boxes and a defibrillator that was in the gym instead of the medical unit, for some reason.

When everything is on the back of the truck you two take a walk around the playground at the back of the building, directed to where the four-wheel is so you can drive it to find the rest of your group. That's when you find something you didn't expect in the slightest; a flamethrower. Without thinking twice about it but knowing you probably shouldn't have, you aim it at the school bus, which is already a little bit tatty and shoot against it.

'I might never get another chance...' you think with a smile on your face.

"Did someone hate school?" you hear Negan from the radio in a fit of laughter, probably watching the scene from the highway too, and in a matter of seconds Arat appears.

"I wouldn't have guessed this would happen today. Now, I know you're having fun, but, stop playing with that shit. I want it." he says, the last part with a stark, authoritative tone that reminds you which position he holds above you all.

You don't answer to the radio but roll your eyes as Arat gets down from the cabin and walks towards you, along with the radio in her hand and a cheeky smile. When you start to walk towards her, you hear a weird noise, like metal cracking and you two drop to the floor just as an explosion bursts behind you.

"Are you psychotic!?" asks Arat, not smiling anymore and still on the floor. The noise of flames and metallic parts falling around is almost deafening

"What the hell just happened!?" you ask, eyes wide open in shock. Your confusion clears, thinking you were being attacked before you realize what you've just done.

"You did it, you silly bitch!" she says laughing from the depths of her lungs. "What are you surprised about!?"

When you look behind, the bus you've just burned is all messed up with pieces of it surrounding you. You two were lucky to not get badly hurt or winding up dead by the shrapnel. You just have a few cuts, the same as Arat.

"Was that supposed to happen!?" you ask even more surprised now that you understand the mess you've just made. She shrugs her shoulders.

"Are you guys ok!?" you hear Negan's voice over the radio.

"We are heading in your direction, are you under attack?" says Dwight, getting on the frequency. You hear the sound of their engines in the distance.

"Negative. I just bombed a school bus!" you say, starting to laugh. "Oh my God! That was...fun," you say as you keep laughing.

"How old are you? Ten?" Dwight replies, trying to sound serious but you can hear in his tone he's actually amused. "Be careful that's sure to call the attention of the walkers," he warns, cautiously.

"Don't be such a pussy, Dwight! You think I'll let the ladies be eaten like a red velvet cake by those tasteless pieces of shit?" says Negan. "Not on my watch," he adds, with no reply from Dwight. Not that he expected one, of course. "Coast's clear, ladies. Pack whatever you found and get hell out of there 'cause we can't see shit through the woods."

"Yes, sir." you hear Arat answer dutifully through her radio. "Seems like we are done here," she tells you while turning towards the truck.

You put the flamethrower with the rest of the stuff in the trunk and make sure everything is safe inside for the journey. Then you head to the road following her with the car, you see through the mirrors that some walkers are arriving at the place.

'What counts is not the amount, it's their position and they are coming from everywhere.'

"Negan, you see that?"

"Hm... Yeah. It might be risky just for some books." he says. "Boys, turn around, we'll pick up the readin' if we drive by. Another day," he orders.

When you two meet with the rest of the convoy, you find Negan staring at you as if he's going to lecture you like an undisciplined child. Instead, he just checks what's in the back of the vehicle to have an overview of everything.

"Well done! That's a good load!" he says, with a smile that doesn't fool you or anyone who knows him. The tension in his voice says otherwise, and you are unsure if he's even trying to hide that fact. When he gets near his car, you realise that he's having the courtesy to wait for you two to be alone to say whatever he needs to. From what you've picked up from Arat, Negan's very public about everything. So it has to be bad. "Alice, you'll drive with me. I think we have to discuss some of the rules again." Just like that, without giving an option, he jumps inside his car and puts the engine on.

You hop in and wait for some shouting and blaming but instead, he remains silent for a bit

.

Come as you are by Nirvana sounds on the music player masking the silence.

"What in the fucking fuck were you thinking!?" he says suddenly while looking at you sideways. "I'm good at reading people and I don't fucking think you are one of those kamikaze shit-fucks who don't give a fuck about dying or getting someone else dead. SO. Tell me, are you nuts!? 'cause I would like to know before I put someone else at fucking risk because of a sudden fantastic idea you might have..."

"Don't be an asshole! I might seem nuts to you but I didn't know that was going to explode like a fucking balloon!" you respond, rolling your eyes and turning your body towards him.

'Well, I kind of knew. But I thought it wouldn't look the way it does in films.' To that, he calmly pulls the car to the side of the road and with his arm out of the window gestures for the rest of the trucks to keep on their way.

"Ok, then you are just a reckless lady," he says, looking at you as he keeps gesturing. "You are out of the mission. No Saviours for you. I'll find you something to do inside. If that ain't enough, I can be a lot more of an asshole, just try me." he continues looking at you directly, resting his elbow on the top of the headrest.

"Hm, I think that's unbeatable. I think I'll pass, thank you," you say sarcastically, looking at the front quite angry. It takes you a minute to cool down a little and notice that he's right to be angry. Looking at him again, only to see he is giving you the 'no shit' look. "Oh, 'c'mon. I thought you had a sense of humour." you say with a tone still stained with sarcasm causing him to arch a brow, still not smiling.

Then he moves his arm and puts it around your shoulders, and places two fingers down your chin invading your personal space with his body, as he moves. He kisses you, somehow needy, causing you to melt as it turns deeper and sensual, starting to create tension in your lower body. You have the urge to straddle him but instead, you hold yourself back and try to keep up with his kiss. 'He is such a good kisser...' His tongue slides between your teeth and that makes you lose control, pulling him to you by the jacket and cutting the space between your bodies. At the very moment you are about to move on top of him, you hear the growl of a walker as it gets near your side of the car and you pull away quickly.

" 'C'mon baby don't run away again," he says, with a heated tone, almost sweetly, as well as a little bit frustrated. This time it's you who kisses him with your hands at the sides of his face.

"I'm not doing this here with a half-rotten undead dude trying to get into the car to eat our asses off. Simply not my kink." With that, you free yourself from his hold and make yourself comfy on the seat. "By the way, you better not look me down on me like another one of your caged birds or be sure there will never be another kiss for you from these lips. Just biting and blood," you warn him, meeting his eyes directly. To your surprise, he doesn't say a thing, instead, he chuckles and starts the car again.

When Negan pulls in at Sanctuary and you jump out of the car, you listen in to what Simon is explaining to Negan.

There's a place named Alexandria, where the people that killed the Saviours in the outpost live. Then they laugh about someone called Gregory and Negan gives orders to a group to go find those people the next day.

You take the chance to get away and head to the showers. It's not as if he will not know where you are if he wants to, you are aware of that. Even with that, you need some space from him. 'Don't let him play you around. You are stronger than that.' you think. 'It will be just for fun, no emotions involved' speaks your demon, very convincingly.

You step into the cubicle and turn on the shower, the water runs warm just a few seconds later. It falls over your body taking with it the dirt and sweat from your work with Arat. You wonder why you are letting yourself get so carried away with him. You don't even know him. Some of his character traits can be analyzed by his behaviour but you can't really know how he is without being too involved. He does not have friends, only subjects and that's exactly the way he treats them. 'How could I ever get to know who he really is?'

Negan looks like the kind of guy who knows where his place in the world is. Self-confident. But these kinds of things are usually the ones that get girls and women confused, what he does is what matters. How he treats you and the people that surround him, not what he says or what he tries to scheme. The wives' behaviour is a red flag and the smart choice would be to run away. As usual norm noone is ever an exception to the rule if they do it to another person they will do it to you, no exceptions.

Most people who need to exercise control above everyone around them are usually abusers at one level or another. You understand that Negan uses power to control people and also violence to punish those who don't follow the rules. It's an acceptable measure in extreme times like this but still, unacceptable if he overpowers his wives to make them do what he wants. Instead of running like your instinct and knowledge tell you, you choose to stay, thinking that it is too early to judge.

You come out of the shower all built up in your decision, then get dried and dress in the same clothes you wore the first day you came here. Clothes aren't so difficult to scavenge but someone's bothered to wash them and leave them folded over your bed. Thing that you appreciate since you've been in this placeset is, without any doubt, it's very comfortable. You finally put on your new boots. When you go out, there's no one in front of the bathroom but still you walk to your room stealthily. You come across Sherry who seems to go around just as careful as you do. For good or bad, you think maybe that's a sign from the cosmos to ask her some things.

"Sherry, can I talk to you?" she gives you a suspicious look, as if she thinks you're untrustworthy. "Please," you put your hands together, pleading.

"Sure, follow me," she says and, with an unsure look in her eyes, leads you to some back stairs that don't seem very busy. "Go ahead."

"It's about Negan. I need to know how he is." First, she seems troubled, then she looks around worriedly. "It's just that I need to know what happens when there's no one around," she seems confused at first but then her eyes turn a little more soft and you read sadness in them. Suddenly you feel disappointed about Negan as if you expected something better. "I mean, how is he with you when there's no one around or when there's just the wives with him?" you clarify, in case she's taken the question as you lusting over her husband.

"He doesn't hit us if that's what you're asking," she says, leaning on the wall behind her but looking at the ceiling. "But he has terrible ways to make you do what he wants," you look at her horrified and your stomach curls. "Well, I don't mean in a sexual way... He's against rape as you might know already and he gives us protection. He's a gentleman in that way but we're with him because that's all we could do or we had no other option." She explains to you her story, when her sister Tina, said she would think about Negan's marriage proposal. Her and her husband, Dwight, tried to escape, but Tina had died and they had no choice but to return, she had to marry Negan to save Dwight's life.

"So you two... Shit... That sucks..." you mutter. She just gives you a nod and you don't want to bring her down with memories.

"One way or another, he always gets what he wants. If you give it to him it'll make your life easier, believe me." She then explains to you about the other wives.

You are furious and want to face him, even though you know it wouldn't be a smart move. 'How can he be such a bastard to make people abdicate their will like that. He's a fucking dictator. I already knew that but he's definitely not a clean-handed one...' He has a full army with him so it wouldn't be very smart to threaten him physically to leave you alone. You are not getting out of this place, now you know for sure. It would be smart to do your best with the situation.

"Ok, thank you for your time." you say, softly.

"I'm sorry if I broke your fairy tale," she says genuinely, making you think that she thought you might be falling in love with Negan. 'If they think that, maybe Negan does too,' you think. 'That could be an advantage.' You don't say anything to her to make her think otherwise, instead you part, walking back to the corridor. Before the door to the backstairs closes behind, you hear the sound of a lighter.

You take your time, caressing the walls with the tip of your fingers. When you enter your room it catches you off guard that Negan's there, sitting on your bed with his left ankle on top of his right thigh and dropping the weight of his torso on his arms, tilted backwards. Lucille's resting on his lap.

"What are you doing here?" you ask him, in an annoyed tone sounding a little bit more pert than you meant to. "It's wrong to invade other people's privacy, you know?"

"The last time I checked, this was my fucking building and the questions were asked by me. Have we changed the roles? Because fuck, I had no fucking clue." he says narrowing his eyes as a way to intimidate you but when he sees that you don't change your expression, he looks at you like: 'What's wrong with you?'. Maybe he's being genuinely himself but he definitely hits a nerve. 'I can't just act like I'm dumb and let him get away with everything.'

"I'll just tell you this once: I'm not below you, more than an employee for its boss. And with this, I mean that I respect you and you respect me. Understood?" you say without any kind of fear, before he opens his mouth.

"What a nerve! How dare you," he replies, with a rough chuckle. It seems to you as if you have pointed out something obvious to him. You expected another kind of reaction but for some reason, he hasn't considered your claim a problem. Maybe it's because you are alone. You get that's your only advantage over all these people. "As I tried to make you understand, I have my tactics to make people do what I want but my only intention with that is to create a chain and order. Not to abuse my position of power."

'Liar.'

"When people follow the rules everything is fine, they produce and receive points for it but I don't intend to dominate what they do with the rest of their free time in certain terms. The same goes for you. There's also the fact, that I have a fucking soft spottingle for you, I think I've been pretty clear on that. But you are not bound to anything, sweetheart. Everyone has a choice, even if they take dumb ones."

'Do we? Do you even know how untrue that is?' That's just a bunch of lies but he really seems to believe his words so much, if you didn't know any better, you would believe him. It pisses you off.

"Till when?" you ask, frowning. You are so furious that you let your tongue loose. If he wants you around, he's gonna get what that means. "Until you get fed up and decide that there is something you can hurt me with to convince me?"

Sherry told you that's how he got three of the wives and you're definitely not accepting that. "I don't have a family, so you have nothing to grab me by the balls with. For now. Should I keep an eye on not making friends, so I don't make them a target of your anger when I don't do what you want?"

"Watch that tone," he warns, suddenly serious and sitting rigid on the bed, staring at you with a 'Be careful.' written in his eyes.

"What if I don't Negan, you gonna kill me?" you say expressionless, letting your hunger for balance and justice get the best of you. "Come on, do it, who the hell cares? Show me what you got."

He looks at you, furious, and stands closing the distance between you but you notice he leaves Lucille on the bed. He approaches you quickly and without warning, as he raises you by the thighs, kissing you. His lips own yours hungrily and makes way for his tongue to invade your mouth while backing you against the wall. His taste raises your skin in goosebumps and suddenly you forget that you're angry. His mouth descends to your neck and you lose the north. You feel that pressure coming down your stomach to the innermost part of your being but it is his hands moving towards your rear that shoot something inside your head and there's no turning back.

You slide your right hand behind his neck from inside his jacket, while your left-hand goes down between the two of you searching for the end of his white shirt. You slip your hand underneath and find yourself in direct contact with his skin. His toned torso tightens and relaxes with the movements of his breathing, his heated skin feels so smooth under your fingers.

You feel him hardening like a rock right against your centre, making you lose the relaxed rhythm of your breathing when he breaks the last of the distance between your bodies. You gently bite his lower lip, pulling it towards your mouth and intensifying the kiss. You feel like a drug addict about to receive a dose of your favourite high, except that this time it's superior quality.

You drag your nails gently over his abdomen, wishing to leave a mark on his skin as your hand travels lower to the button of his pants, while your lips stay moulded to his. You begin to introduce the tips of your fingers into the waistband of his underpants.

"You see I wasn't kidding, huh?" he says confidently, half-laughing in your mouth but making space between you so you can manoeuvre.

"Shut up..." you reply, stopping your hand from going further. You move your hands against his jaw as your lips explore his, parted, tongue sneaking inside his mouth to caress his with the tip, an invitation to dance. His tongue responds, twirling around yours, dominating the movements. He can't avoid grunting, as your hips push against him in pleasure.

He whisks you over to the bed, discarding Lucille out of the way but leaving her carefully standing against the bedside table. Then he liyes you down, like a fragile piece of crystal, appreciating the lines that form your body, focusing on the ones in his direct line of sight, the way your top hugs the sensual curve of your breasts. As his eyes grow with lust, his head is working on what he wants to do to you while he takes off his jacket and places it on the armchair in front of the TV unit.

As he walks back to you he stops for a second staring at the image of you leaning on your elbows watching his every move, studying the frame of his body, the straight, secure, yet relaxed, posture of his back. The way his white t-shirt hugs the width of his shoulders and gets a little bit loose at the end, insinuating an easily accommodating hips size, as tall and broad as he is. When your eyes set on his bulge his smile widens proudly, but your eyes soon move to his feet as he kicks his boots off, triggering you to do the same, eyes still fixed on each other.

"Wait." you ask, before getting out of bed, as he curiously watches your every move. You press the button on the door knob locking it with a click and turn on the music player sitting on top of a bookshelf next to it. It's loud enough to cover up the sounds Negan has been inflicting on you but not so loud to bother anyone.

"Come down to the black sea swimming with me ah-ooh uuh." you sing with it before you turn around walking back to him, circling him as you wrap your arms around his back and hug him from behind, kissing his back before gently grabbing his hand to leading him to your bed.

Your synchronized movements escalate from the foot of the bed to the pillows, with you moving backwards as he crawls with you until he's towering over you. He fits himself between your legs, pulling your hips towards him while claiming your neck. You gasp when you feel one of his masculine hands climb up your side to get under your shirt, raising up goosebumps in its wake. At this point, you know this is going to be worth your while.

'Negan's hot like the damn sun.'

Something visceral inside of you takes over your conscience and you practically wrestle him under you, flipping him over using your hips and legs. You yank off his white tee, frustrated by it obstructing your vision and toss it aside. Finally able to see the full glory of his chest and abdomen, covered in a decent amount of unruly dark hair until it trails down, hiding underneath his pants. The perfect amount on the perfect body.

'Shaved six-pack youngsters are overrated.' your mind defines.

Your red top slides up, slowly, as your hips roll over his hardness to the rhythm of the music. Making it all feel more like a strip tease. A little groan escapes his throat.

Your mouth attacks his neck, nipping and sucking hoping to leave purple love bites but you don't remain there before moving down his chest and stomach trailing soft and poisonous kisses full of desire. That is until your chin meets the edge of his trousers, you lift up to observe him; arms crossed behind his head letting you do as you please while enjoying the view.

Your fingers trace the form of his member, caged inside those tight black pants and his breath halts. Your hips settle over his just to see him react, as you move them teasingly whilst slowly unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. His hands grip your waist tightly before you stop moving them, then one hand moves to undo you too as the other keeps you firmly in place.

"In case you change your mind and go running, this is the moment to stop it. Please, don't play with me," he says and you feel a sense of wariness and frustration in his tone, disguised in sarcasm. He wants you so bad he's letting his guard down just long enough for you to hear that out.

'I'm far away from running, big bad wolf...'

Then he raises his torso and your noses rub against each other. "Oh! Turns out you can ask for things nicely..." you fake surprise. "Will it turn out that you are indeed a charmer, after all..." you say, your nose nudging his again before your lips meet his. Tenderly you bite on the lower with a slight smile, making him grunt a little.

'Fuck. Shit!'. You squeeze your eyes shut. 'This bastard is gonna make you fall for him!'

"Everything ok, babe?" he asks, worrying creasing his forehead.

Just nodding before going straight back to kissing him again, you hope that whatever is starting to grow inside of you for him will die as soon as you see his bad side for yourself. Deciding it's too late to worry, knowing that the fear transpiring all over Sanctuary isn't due to a one time incident but too many.

Getting to your feet at the edge of the bed and pulling his trousers off his long legs. 'Hell if I don't love his body and his height already...' your inner demon sounds, much to your dismay. As you toss them aside too in a mess on the floor, Negan's already sitting up at the edge of the bed, kissing your belly as he slides the fake leather covering your legs down to your ankles. He bites your hip bone making you shiver as you resume your seat on his lap, feeling his warm and full form now that there are not many clothes left between you.

"Do you have condoms?" you ask him, knowing this is the right moment to ask before you get too into it. Knowing if the answer is no you're just not going to do it.

'I should have asked beforehand...'

"Of course, darling." He reaches down to his pants and takes out a couple of condoms from the pocket.

'Great! He actually came here with the intention to get in your pants.' Somehow, valuing the situation, the idea makes you frown. 'Well, who's to blame you for giving into your urges at the end of the world. You could die tomorrow. Although with Negan around it doesn't seem likely.'

"Well, honey, as you may know I'm married to a lot of women." he responds to the expression on your face. "Not all married man take fucking care of this stuff as they should. But if you're gonna cheat, do it safely at least, don't bring a fucking disease to your partner or get your lover pregnant. You don't need to be too smart for the 'better be safe than sorry' shit." you understand his point and find it something to agree with. You rub him with your lower body parts to get him back in the game, although his erection hasn't ceased.

'Hell does he ever relax?'. You notice his body is slightly tense too, you put pressure on his shoulders as you keep grinding.

It has its effect, and you are soon under him as he takes your panties off. 'I guess we are done talking.' you think, right before he lures a moan out of you by attacking your neck, going down your body mercilessly. His teeth meet parts of your body that make your lower body tense, as if he knew where to bite and kiss. He's exploring every inch, getting to discover those little secrets that will make you ready for him.

Your arousal is quick, after who knows how much time since you've been touched like this but at this point you are raging and needy. He must have read it on your face because he rids himself of his boxers as he meets your eyes, pulling the condom open and down his length in no time.

'He knows what he's doing, damn if he ain't hot as hell!"

His tip meets your entrance without wavering from your gaze, attentive to any sign of discomfort,as he slides inside slowly. You notice you didn't quite size him up correctly before unless it's the sheer lack of sex thwhat has made you unprepared. The pressure of your walls trapping him inch by inch of his advance. Both of you seem to have forgotten how to breathe when his length is fully inside of you but he doesn't move, to your surprise. He seems perplexed somehow, with something clearly on his mind.

"Did I leave you drained of energy already?" you say in a mocking-like tone. "You should do more cardio Negan or you will die here-"

He cuts off your prattle with a quick push in before pulling out just as fast, with a smirk of victory. His face relaxes as he moves slowly, studying yours.

'He's trying to see if he's hitting the spot.' your mind babbles.He moves his hips with experience, aiming at the right angle, while grabbing your left thigh to hold you in place, making you feel like you are in heaven. His mouth meets your neck when you let your head fall backwards as your back arches. "Negan..." you whisper.

"M'Right here, babe..." he whispers against your neck. Your only answer are quiet moans. You can feel goosebumps under your fingertips along his back. His mouth meets yours between airy breaths as his pace accelerates, feeling his thickness hit just the right way.

"Oh my God..." your breath hitches as his precise movements build up pressure in your stomach, your impending orgasm looming.

"I know, darlin'..." he mutters in your ear as his pace increases, speeding up your climax and putting you over your limit, until you explode a shaking, quivering mess underneath him. Faster than you ever have and more desperate, as your nails trail sharp lines down his back making him growl deep.

Taglist @stxrg4zer

I hope you enjoyed this. Let me know your thoughts and reblog to let it spread 😊 See you soon! ~

Pissin' Our Pants Yet?- Chapter 3: The road

💕Pairing: Negan x Female Reader 

✏️Genre/au: Canon, Action, Smut, Sci-fi, The Walking Dead Fic

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount:

⚠️chapter warnings: Shitloads of cursing, Gore details (zombies), Mentions of cults, mentions of cult practices, dictatorship status

<<< 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 2 | 𝕸𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 4 >>>

Hii! Did you stumble across this work? Glad you're here 😊 Please, let me know your thoughts once you are finished. Feedback keeps me motivated to write 😁

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

My gratitude goes to @alldevilsarehere90 for her hard work on beta reading this huge chapters🧡

Scavenging with any group that leaves Sanctuary, occupies most of your days. What's outside is your world, where you know how to move, how to play. It's almost like you are trying to avoid reality, the view of what's going on in the lower floors of the building. Turning a blind eye to the Saviours' abuse towards people is the only way you could do so. Not being there. Still, it’s like it haunts you, seeing from the corner of an eye, how it gets perpetrated.

Negan has to agree with it when it's so common. There's no way he doesn't see or know, the Saviours' use of physical punishment to afront any sort of confrontation and the constant abuse of power when it comes to belongings. Your thoughts and actions twist to centre on winning him; the big bad wolf's trust. Without that, there's nothing you can do for these people or his wives. 

Most of your productive working time is around him as if he wants to be glued to you. He will ask your opinion on random things, sometimes important decisions that require some knowledge. It reminds you of when you were your mum's right hand and she would let you make decisions to evaluate your qualities as a possible successor. In his own words: he values your opinion as much as Simon's or any of the other high ranks, admitting it comes from your stay outside by yourself. He says it blows his mind that you've managed to survive on your own, remarking it has nothing to do with you being a woman.

It surprises him so much he asks more than once if it was, in fact,  six months because that's a lot of time to be on your own. The first time, you talked about the scars on your body, where they came from, and who or what caused them. Although you told him there were a few you couldn’t recall. You knew there was one he hadn't seen and that's the only one you avoid talking about.

The second time, it was more like asking for a reminder and when he asked about your group, you just didn't feel good talking about it. Surprisingly, he didn't push it further.

In the beginning, you thought his appreciation excluding your pretty face was touching, since he had been flirting with you from the moment he set eyes on you. At some point, you even expected him to be trying to push you into marrying him like he's done with his golden-caged birds. But on second thought, you figured out he's interested in understanding how your mind functions, for easier control since you have nothing to lose. It wasn’t a surprise but the idea still bothers you.

Inside the Sanctuary you feel the breath in the air coming from that many people living together. Different mindsets cluttered in the same space like a bee's nest, just less alike because the ones protecting the working bees are also their bullies. 

Being with people after such a long time alone doesn't seem to be your forté but being alone again is too fucked up to consider it an option. The world has become a deadly dangerous place with all those non-dead walking around and trying to take a chunk out of you. Although the survivors can be even worse. 

Here the rules matter, which seems to be engraved with fire in these people's minds. Negan keeps people alive in a system that's tough but works. Kind of. It reminds you of those documentaries you used to watch on TV about modern slavery in various countries, that made it sound too far to even suggest it could happen in yours. But here you are, observant of those images in the very place you live, just a few feet from you. 

Leaving that aside, you can admit freely that it has been partly luck that's kept you alive. Like it is with anyone else because anything can kill you these days. That, along with your ability to avoid people, if you're honest, is probably a big part of the equation. 

You'd say your aiming is your best quality and it's probably the best skill one needs to protect itself and hunt with or without guns. You are also very fast but when it comes to the rest of your skills, you'd say you are just about average. Incomparable to your mum who was awesome in everything she did. 

You tried to learn everything you could from her but she was exceptional. Losing her and your brother at the same time, destabilized your whole world and vision of it. That was partially why you left your group and wandered around aimlessly. You couldn't see things so clearly anymore, the mourning blinding your best judgement and decision-making. The memories of the days after their death are still confusing to this day.  

When you found yourself lonely and realized that was going to be the rest of your life, some sort of mad need for socialization took over you but boy, the things you saw on the road. Soon you understood it wasn't safe anymore to "apply" for another group's membership. But then you had to make peace somehow with your new reality. Going back to your group just wasn't an option because you didn't find them where they were supposed to be. They had probably waited long enough and thought you weren't going to come back or that you were the one dead already. 

That was until the mall happened. 

It did not seem a bad option after taking your security measures. You even unblocked the back doors as a safe passage if another group crossed you. But you trusted too much in your luck going to the first floor. In big places, the rules were to enter, pick up the goods as fast as you could and leave. At least, while being alone. 

Now, even with a short group of four, you feel kind of safe. Well, it's almost completely safe. Becoming a Saviour does affect one's ego, how could it not, when it makes people feel like they are on top of the world. Invincible. As if the walkers were just a minor problem, a day after day thing but even with that sensation building up in one's chest, nobody puts their guard down. That would be really stupid.

"Do Saviours get bit often?" You ask John, one of the guys in your group. Even if his name is also your brother's, they are nothing alike.

"Nah... It doesn't happen a lot. You worried?" he asks you, without stopping what he is doing. You mutter a simple, "Not really," and he smirks.

Your group is out of the safe zone, looking for supplies or anything interesting that could be of use. Maybe a well-positioned building for another outpost or another group to discipline for Negan. He did not want you on the search parties for the "problematic community" that had been running for the last week and a half. "New arrivals don't get those privileges, pretty face," he said to you in front of your group of newcomers, when you asked. 

You think that at least you are not the only fresh blood in the nest. Having all eyes set on you, people expecting things, good or bad, maybe both, sucks. 

In fact, even if the other Saviours found them and there was a plan going on, your group was not on the first line or in it at all that matters. You were told that almost every Saviour was going to be at the "final show" but Negan still didn't trust you enough to put you in certain positions outside. 

'Dude, get over it, get that stick out your ass. The flamethrower thing was a mistake!' you thought when Negan said: "You will stick to the basics until I know for sure you won't do the shot to send people running for the hills".

It all becomes routine, or sort of, as new days go by. You wake up before the clock in the mornings and take a shower in the commons, chit-chatting with Arat and Norma as you brush your teeth. There are other women around but these two are kind of the ones with whom you get along better. 

One morning, Arat praised your work and said you'll go up quickly if you keep working hard and giving useful input. One of the girls in the showers jokes about it being easier when you bend on your knees privately for Negan, a few laughs follow the statement, to which you spit out the toothpaste and calmly leave your toothbrush on the counter. Walking towards the shower, you hear Arat mutter an "oh-uh" although she doesn't stop you. Opening the curtain of who you know has said it, you grab her by the hair and bang her head against the wall, breaking her nose, then watching as she slides down the wall, moaning in pain. 

"For people like you, men treat women like shit," you say before spitting on her, then Arat makes her presence known beside you by putting a hand on your shoulder to turn you around. 

"She's learned her lesson," she mutters. "You won't say a word about this. Keep your mouth shut next time you feel like offending another woman for being better than you," she tells the one bleeding.

"I wasn't going to hit her again." You don't even feel right about it. You've just lost your temper too easily for your liking. Leaving aside the fact her type of attitude is the kind you despise. 'Sometimes people need to learn the hard way' you tell yourself unconvincingly. 

The incident did not leave that bathroom, although there were a lot of witnesses.

At lunchtime, you sit with Arat to eat some sort of spaghetti bolognese with meatballs in her apartment with Norma and Donna, another Saviour who is seemingly in some kind of relationship with Arat, when a knock on the door calls your attention. A low-ranking Saviour, just like you, opens it when given permission and informs them they have the Alexandrians under their radar. Negan is claiming Arat for planning and the three of you are left to eat alone. 

That same afternoon, while you are looking at the maps in your room memorizing the future attack, Negan's plan over the Alexandrians starts to roll because a bunch of them are leaving the community in an RV. It's an ambush, prepared like any other but it has coincided with someone running off from Sanctuary and a search party already there. The outposts near were fast to move and play their part, following the previous preparations. 

The plan is divided into phases. First step: you all had to wait until one of the lookouts that are surrounding Alexandria gave the intel on a number leaving the fortress. Second step: block the roads and get them to surrender. This part is already done.

There are two options after that: One; they will come out, in which case someone will have to bring their leader or you will go find him or her and put them all in their place. Someone has to die, "unavoidably" according to Negan, to prove the point that no one messes with him and his Saviours. He also added that he's being magnanimous as people didn't really know who they were messing with, so he isn't going to just take an eye for an eye. But once the rules are settled, there will be no place for mistakes. 

At this point, you are sure that isn't a subject of discussion and nobody has played the devil's advocate. You won't because you can easily understand why he's going to do that. Protecting his people first, saving people later, as it has to be. 

And option Two; they won't surrender, which would lead them to the same end but with Negan going harder on them. 

The plan is set and turns out you are indeed a part of it. Not all the Saviours are going to have the "privilege", as he pointed out, but you are, even though he originally said you wouldn't. And you are one hundred per cent sure it's to prove to you that no one can go against Negan's will. You hear a knock on your door and he enters after your "Come in".

"So, you've really been diving into your work here, huh?" he says, closing the door with a grin. "I have no problem with that, but I gotta say… Not being able to find you after your shifts…After what happened between us...Man, I would say, you are avoiding me. Not cool." he says practically into your ear, with his breath raising goosebumps on your neck.

"Guilty as charged," you admit. You have been, indeed, trying to avoid being left alone with him. You thank all the gods of the world for his discretion on the subject as you would probably slap him.

He had shown you the skilled lover he was, over and over, until you were spent under him, with both your bodies covered in sweat. Needless to say, you were impressed. 

As pleasure subsided, you were able to find your brain again and once he groaned on top of you and let his body fall to the side, something else surprised you. When he lay next to you in the tiny bed and pulled you to him, cuddling you against his chest. 

You fell asleep for a few minutes while twirling softly on the hairs of his chest, as he drew circles on the leg resting across his hips. When you woke up he was still there, his caress, tickling you awake. After kissing you softly, almost sweetly, he finally stood to get dressed and left with a courtesy, stating that management wasn't going to sort itself out.

After he left, you stood regardless of your naked form, to open the windows and refresh the air in the room, it came in fast and cold and although you welcomed it, you felt the iciness in your soul too. 

Did you let your attraction for him cross lines for what Sherry said, maybe out of fear? You weren't sure how you felt about him. Somewhere between attracted and concerned, and that wasn't exactly a good thing. The way he treated people was absolutely not your cup of tea. He is the kind of guy you would usually hate to be around.

Were you just having fun? Or were you expecting something to come out of it? This was something that was leading you to a dead end and you felt the need to run away like you always did when it came to men, sex, love and its relatives. Giving him what he wanted could keep away the idea of making you a caged bird from entering his head but it would take off the importance of whatever you did in the Saviours. Everybody would just see that you were giving it a try with the big bad wolf. 

It's all put in a delicate balance and you know it will fall apart. 

"This is not a good idea, Negan." you voice out.

"What in the holy hell are you talking about?" you've almost forgotten that you are facing the maps displayed on the wall.

"Everything," he raises a brow not believing what he is hearing. "This plan. You and me. Everything is fucked up, Negan. I'm not gonna be your lover and that's what I would be as I'm clearly not your wife." you say in a soft tone, just talking calmly. He opens his mouth but you cut him off before he says a word. "I have no interest in becoming one. I'm a woman of action. I have a clue why everybody follows your ass but I'm not falling in line in all ways. No. My life stays mine and I'm not even sorry for that." you had the intention to say it all calmly but at the end, you hear the heated tone in your words. It seems to happen too often lately, you are tense and restless. As if you were the one doing something wrong. "I do my fucking job, follow the rules and I'm a fucking damn loyal bastard to you because that's how I am. But I'm not going to let your--our." you can't put all the blame on him, "attraction, reduce my qualities as your new bed-warmer. I'm a fucking valid person for a bunch of reasons. I hope you can understand that." you say as you turn around slowly, having felt him cut the distance and his warmth behind you, expecting that sour feared face you've seen more than a couple of times, since being at the sanctuary. Surprisingly, there's a toothy grin with a furrowed brow, something you read as amusement.

"Wow. Yeah, I do! Don't cha worry darlin' we can keep this fuckin' hot thing going on between us as our little secret. That's no fuckin' problem for me." he speaks in a low whispery tone above your nose, meeting your eyes. "But no, you, like everybody else here, are mine," he says, brushing off the importance of the subject and yet putting emphasis on the possessive statement. You can't believe he said it just like that as if people were play-things and nothing more but decide that you will touch that subject at another point. "But what the fuck do you mean that you don't agree with the plan…" he says, having a mood swing like he usually does. That is a good quality for making people fear your reaction but you are way too built up to shut your mouth. Maybe because of his reference to you being his. 

"I think the way you're doing some things will backfire at us, the Saviours, right in the ass, Negan."  his demeanour turns dominant and stern, stormy eyes subject to objectification. "When you push people too hard, especially the ones that do what they've done to our people, they tend to unite and fight back till their last breath. You act as if people are belongings that don't know right from wrong-"

"I beg your pardon," he interrupts. At this precise moment, you know, you've fucked up. "Are you actually questioning me?" he gives you the look, the one that makes the toughest man look at their feet. You included. "Who are you?"

"Negan," you say, raising your head to meet his eyes again, obedient like a puppy. Experience has shown you that keeping your mouth shut, especially when you have not, is the best way to survive. You will do whatever you want because your life is yours, no matter what he says, you won't let others decide for you but sometimes, the best way to get away with what you want, or just simply get away from a difficult situation, is to make others believe that you agree with what they want. When people think that you're submissive they don't expect you to take opposite decisions from what they would want you to do.

"Then you will want what's best for you. Isn’t that right?" he says, still serious and raw. There is no possible objection to that statement. 

 "Yes, Negan," you give him the puppy eyes, so he smiles at you.

"I think we should take a ride. Just for the pleasure of it," You get scared for a second, he starts to take leave without waiting for your answer but stops. "That was a suggestion, by the way. Unless you're scared of being alone with me, darlin'." 

"Is this a date?" you ask him with an edge of sarcasm inside your words, relaxing as he does seem to have genuine intentions.

"Yeah." he gives you in a low breathy tone, like a whisper, while wrinkling his nose and showing his teeth, then bites his lower lip seductively. You chuckle.

"I think I might pass," you reply, putting on a poker face and he raises his eyebrows surprised. "Just kidding, let's get out of here, salt and pepper," he chuckles at the pet name. "I drive…" you say while you take the leave in front of him.

"No way I'm letting you drive my car!" he chuckles but you stop to look at him, brows arched.

"I swear to God, Negan, if you pull up that shit that a girl can't drive-" you are not even joking, it pisses you off. Men and women can work out the same things, it all depends on each individual's qualities, not the gender.

"Hey! Calm your tits down. Nobody swings Lucille, nobody drives my car, it’s as simple as that. Now, if you want to drive, you will have to find yourself a machine that works. My car, it's just mine," he says arching a brow in a way to say 'I don't want to have to repeat myself'.

"Got it," you say and start your walk to get to the garage. You jumping inside Negan's car raises some eyebrows but suddenly you don't care. 

You haven't noticed how much time you've spent in your room looking at those maps until a Saviour opens the garage door to let Negan's car out of the building, the sun already heading west, its light less intense, the temperature less hot. Perfect timing.

Out of the safe area, as it's circled on the maps, your head rests over your arm on the window breathing the fresh air as you close your eyes. The trip was definitely needed, for a second it's like this isn't the end of the world at all. Just two people on a date. Like when your worst problems, from a first world person where to pay your bills and maybe what to do on Saturday night. Now, all that seems so stupid, such nonsense. 

The car runs as smooth as new and you guess there's a mechanic at home. 'So cool. I should probably investigate the building more, I've been too busy working and hiding to know all that's offered.'

"So. Where do you want us to go, sweetheart?" you hear in the background, too taken by the moment. "Earth to Alice. Where are you, dollface?" he asks, almost with a genuine look.

"I'm right here, babe," you say, doing an impression of him.

"Are you trying to be cool?" he asks with a chuckle.

"I am already, pops" You turn on the music on his player. "I think that we should ride to a place that we don't know, to a place where no one has seen us before" sounds filling the vehicle, surprisingly, being that this is his car. "I'm thinking you and I better just go with the flow. The last thing that we should do is go slow..." you sing along, forgetting for a second he's asked you a question. He looks at you, raising an eyebrow, and then, looking at the front he accelerates. "A really adequate song, right? I didn't expect you to hear this kind of music."

"Arat said you might like it," he says with a smirk. 

"Wait. This was planned," you say matter-of-fact, changing your position on the seat to look at him directly. He smiles, looking at you. 'Of course, it is, he could not just leave like that for the sake of it. He's the leader, for Christ's sake.' you conclude. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see." That's the last thing he says on the road.

He stops the car in the middle of a set of crops that has gone wild, the golden plants tickling in your fingers as you walk around enjoying the view. There is a forest a few yards away at the left, close enough for you to see a squirrel jumping up a tree. 'That would have been dinner… this is her lucky day.' 

"What is this place, planning on building a farm for retirement?" you ask, struggling to understand why he chose this place to travel to. It's beautiful, you have to admit it, the view extends for miles, so much that you can't see the details at the end of it.

"Don't be impatient. You'll see it pretty soon." He leans on the car and takes a packet of cigarettes from the side pocket of his leather jacket. He takes one and turns it. "A smoke?" he leaves the filter of a cigarette showing for you to take it, as an offer.

"No, thanks. Never did, I have no intention to start now that I need my lungs to run," The smile coming to that statement confirms he already knew it. You lean on the car close to him, you know he does not smoke that often for the smell of his skin and his breath. "What are we looking at?"

"Damn, woman! Patience…" he says, his pretty smile holding the cigarette with the side of his lips. You fake a pucker followed by a naughty smile that makes him snort and roll his eyes in amusement.

Closing your eyes when the soft breeze warmed up by a sunny day hits your face. You keep them closed enjoying the moment trying to engrave this memory in your mind to hold onto when things go wrong. For the future, if there is any. The warmth against your face, the smell of the trees, the plants that are tickling your legs over the trousers... and Negan, like a second sun to this earth, giving life, taking it, volcanic, warm, symbolic… 

In other circumstances you two would probably never have crossed. He was from somewhere else, he sure had a wife or at least a girlfriend, there is no way he was alone. None of his actual wives were with him before Sanctuary so maybe he lost her on his way through surviving. The world had always been like this: one day you had someone but you could lose it the next; an accident, a murder, a disease… people were always fragile, even if they felt invincible. What went down, only accentuated that fact. It showed the truth within, what was held in the shadows, the taboos. At least in most people. In others, it surfaced the feel of the community, the need to survive together, and the strength of grouping up. 

You think you are somewhere in the middle, far from perfection. You are inclined to protect the weak. Good, noble while others are good to you.  Savage, wild, fearless… cruel if there's someone evil, despicable. Negan stirs your darkness with some acts as much as he stirs the light inside you. It's a balance that can easily be consumed by the darkness. Everything points to it. Your mentality with the time has grown patient and yet, you live in the moment. 

This is a beautiful moment to live in, so you live it. 

You hear the sound of his breath exhaling the smoke of his slowly consumed cigarette, enjoying it. With that mundane action and your previous knowledge of him, you notice that, despite his attitude of walking on air, he still makes the most of everything he does. You've seen him do that with the wrong stuff that has you on edge but you realize, it's not that he's a bad person, it's just him doing what you are; living the moment and owning his shit with no regrets. 'Maybe we are not so different after all.'

A new breeze brings his scent to you, now mixed with the nicotine but still his. You memorize it; the touch of his body on your side is warm and makes you feel less lonely, even if it’s unreal. 'We are born alone and we die alone,' has been your mantra. You notice that you have been starting to feel the excitement you normally do when you're around someone you have a crush on. Knowing if you let it continue like that, even if it’s just for a second, it will surely become a car crash for you. As much as he is the sun and you can need him, you might get burned if you have too much. 

You were never emotionally attached to the boys you slept with or if you ever did you killed it as soon as it appeared, leaving some heartaches in your past, or maybe not, you always ignored it. What you don't know won't hurt you. 'This can't be different' you tell yourself.

You open your eyes when he clears his throat, without knowing how much time you have had them closed. His gaze is on you but your eyes are focused solely on the horizon where the sunset, one of the most beautiful ones you've ever seen, starts to turn the sky into a spectacle of colors. As if the sun itself has set the clouds on fire above you. You feel as if the tears confined inside you are going to spill rivers on your cheeks, moved by the most beautiful thing you have seen in a long, long time. 

Watching the sunset was a thing you used to do with someone very special -before ice covered your heart-, it was in those moments that you stayed silent and the world seemed to be only for the two of you. The rest of the world disappears, making all the noises muffled as if you were deaf and the only thing that mattered was the sky burning. 

Life has become so painful since then and no one you've ever cared about can enjoy this anymore, they can't see any of this anymore. You feel the knot in your throat and you start to freak out. No crying in front of others. Never.

"You know how to get a lady into your bed…" you say cheekily trying to avoid him thinking you are into sentimental stuff, not that you are these days. He smiles almost sadly, he has his eyes lost in the sky, melancholic. 'You two are not that different. He's lost someone too. Who is he thinking about?' 

"What can I say? I'm a gentleman," he says, in a flirty tone, taking another whiff of smoke to his lungs. That’s when you notice he's taken the chance to put his arm around your waist, while you are lost in the view and he uses it to get you near him. The hand starts moving lower and with it, a naughty smile appears on his face.

"That hand has dishonest intentions, gentleman," you say rolling your eyes and in a quick move he puts you up on the bonnet of the car. You give him room to slide his body between your thighs. "Oh! Your body acts like a hooker." He laughs at that. He's so warm, so sexy. You escape the kiss he wants to give you, to go to his neck, smelling him while you give him soft bites on his hot skin. It drives you crazy. You let your back fall against the metal and you cover your eyes with the back of your hand.

"Jesus, if you ain't a vision.." he mutters in a little husky tone. You exhale, hearing a chuckle and one of his thumbs caressing your lower lip. Your arms slide above your head as he leans forward on top of you with eyes that show the desire burning inside of him just like the sunset that you have just seen. You want him to show you. Closing your ankles behind him and your arms on his neck, you pull him against your body. When his mouth finds yours,  his lips capturing yours, it's as if time stops. The way his lips press and move against yours, his tongue moving slowly just at the entrance of your mouth, makes you light-headed. Your body itches for more, absorbed by the feeling of him. His lips move down to your chin, then neck, an expert hand pulling your hips against his with a single move. Pressing his erection against your core, your breath catches, and your lungs almost fail to work.

In a fast move, he unties your belt and takes off your trousers, faster than you've ever seen a man capable of. 'He must have had a lot of practice,’ you guess. He puts a hand on your waist pulling you towards him again as his parted lips meet yours. Then with just one hand he unties his belt and zips down his trousers. The hand over your waist trails down to your pelvis sneaking inside your panties, fingers testing the waters to make sure you are ready for what comes next. You are. 

He pulls his trousers down slightly to make room for his member to make an appearance and simply slides your panties to the side. A word crosses your head 'Condom' and as if he can read your mind, he takes something from his wallet, and puts it within his lips, his teeth helping to break the package. With a fast movement of both hands, he has it on.

"So you were ready, huh?" you suggest, under his complete control. He's making you dance his waltz. 'But damn if it ain't the hottest one.' At this very moment, it doesn't matter who holds the power. He nods with raised brows and a smirk.

He smiles as his tip finds your slit, moving slowly up and down to coat up your entrance for him. His slide-in fills you comfortably in three swift motions, the craving for him growing as he stills inside you, observing your expression. He clearly finds something he likes, because he starts to move increasingly at each moan his hard rock elicits from you and you love the little growls and grunts that your constricting walls rip out of him. 

You raise your upper body to let your lips meet, your initial tenderness is soon followed by a soft bite and pull of his lower lip, increasing the sounds of flesh meeting flesh as that little touch of sin motivates him. Your lips run over his neck and a bite finds his jaw, making him grunt as both his hands press his hips against yours. Your walls tense as you edge closer to your orgasm. Suddenly the static of the radio on the dashboard distracts you from reaching the sky, although Negan does not cease until he hears the words. 

"Negan, we have them." Negan's face turns towards the car, his passionate expression now gone and something different in his eyes, something dark, something that sends shivers through your spine as he pulls away. The shadow of a premonition that something bad is about to happen. 

A quiet moment extends as Negan climbs off of you, his brown orbs lighting a little when his eyes meet yours again, making you relax slightly. He tidies himself before zipping up his pants to go and pick up the radio. The mood he displays as he answers contrasts completely with what you've seen and felt exuding from him only seconds before. With the radio in his right hand, the other one finds your waist and he kisses your forehead. 

"I'm sorry, babe," Negan says in a low apologetic tone. "We will pick this up where we leave it after this shit's sorted." Right after his words, he kisses your neck, giving closure to the moment with a deep kiss, pressing his body against yours. His own needs unsatisfied, he sighs after the kiss in annoyance. You just nod and give him an understanding smile. 'He is a charming bastard. He had you under him the day after picking you up. God damn you if you fall in love with him… This is just fun for him. He already has the rest: housewife, paramour. Six times.'

Telling yourself you'll manage the feelings as you've always done, you decide he is convenient for survival, sex is just that; sex. He's the hottest man you've seen in years, counting before all of this, the chemistry unavoidably obvious and you need to feel it, you need to live it. As well as being a dangerous man to go playing around with feelings that can tear your life apart if something goes wrong. 'Mistakes with men like him are paid with blood and tears.'

Negan speeds up on the empty road, you feel the smooth roar of the car as it settles at seventy miles per hour. There is no other authority than him now, so, who will tell him not to? You would, if you didn't find it amusing.

As much as you don't agree with the kidnapping, killing, humiliating and basically robbing of other communities' supplies, you understand the plan that will go on tonight. Besides your late protest about how Negan pushes people to their limits, you get why this is happening, and why he says he is being magnanimous with this group. Indeed, if someone killed that many numbers, even just killing one of the people you cared about, you would want hell to fall upon those offenders. 

Looking at the plan from an objective and subjective point of view, it is epic. The number of members participating, cutting roads, redirecting them to the hot spot… it's by far intimidating. Negan has power and many subjects to follow his orders, whatever he wants to do, gets done, and that's quite bone-chilling. His domains extend day by day and those who say one day everything might belong to him are not far from the truth. He is a warlord bending over every community on his path but the little thing that seems to escape his comprehension is the limits between showing power and humiliation. That will backfire on him some day no matter how many people stand at his back. He's not a God, he's just a human, bone and flesh that can bleed and die. 

For some reason, that worries you. It's not just that the myth that holds together the Sanctuary, would die, leaving the civilians to some merciless Saviours, it's unsure if Negan's not there his lieutenants will keep his rules and guidelines. There's something else. You've been around him enough hours a day, received enough praise for your mind or good choices, seen enough sneers and chuckles, enough reward and punishment for the guy to grow on you. Thankfully not romantically but in an appreciative manner. Maybe some weird admiration.

He's built something from scratch, kept people alive, and created a system and rules to keep people safe. Everything that so many other communities have struggled with, even when things were easier, he's kept it tight and together. That, at least earns him some respect from you. The primal instincts he awakes in you are just a that’s a whole new ballgame.

When you arrive, the sun has fully disappeared leaving its place to the stars and the moon. His men are following the plan down to the last inch, you can only see the cars parked and the mentioned RV in the middle of the clearing. A mulled-haired guy, beaten up, stays on his knees with a Saviour at his back pointing a rifle at him, to the touch of the artificial light. Simon's been radioing in with every detail he could get his paws on, so you know this one's the driver and the others are moving on foot inside the forest. You are just too many for them to stand a chance and you wouldn't like to be in their place. 

Simon notices you getting out of the car along with Negan, and smiles, although you are sure he did not see Negan kissing your temple before that. You guess he’s just figured it out,  Negan hasn’t gone mouthy on the subject before you talked with him previously. Simon is his right-hand man and you guess he's confident too, to occupy such position. Even with that, it pisses you off that he knows what you've been doing as if it was his business, wanting to erase that mustache-smile off his face. 

Negan, being the leader, walks in front of you, looking at the stuff the Saviours have found on the trailer, displayed on the trunk of a car for Negan to see. As he goes to inspect the goods you stay behind, leaning on the same car as Simon. "I dare you to smile like that again and see what happens…" flows through your lips, giving him a side-eye, without giving a chance for his response you move closer to Negan. The smile on your lips is hidden by the dim illumination from Simon's sudden wide eyes, although at this very second you can feel him burning holes on your back.     

"They are like little mice running directly to the cat's mouth. And. I. Am! The big-sized cat!" says Negan with his characteristic toothy smile, getting your attention and Simons' too. "I almost feel pity for them!" he adds with a burst of laughter that ends in a high-pitched squeak of his breathing, like he always does when he finds something very funny. Simon and the Saviours present, laugh back. You can tell that there is something off in him, you just cannot tell what it is. 'Surely you are not that obedient, right, Simon? Maybe you are hiding something,' you think for yourself. Not even a smile appears on your face, knowing someone is going to die tonight. You might understand why it's going to be done, you might even agree with it, but enjoyment is far from what you feel about it. Negan looks at you with an arched brow, his smile fades just a little before he adds. "Let's get down to business, shall we? Alice, come 'ere." And you obey. "Time to prove yourself," he says, lowering his tone a little. "You wait here and be a good Saviour. Simon! You know what to do," he says, as he gets inside the RV.  

"Right! Let's get this set up," Simon makes you put a van full of bullet holes near the RV, some other cars are parked facing the center, then Negan turns off the lightning and they move the Alexandrian further. Just after, Simon organizes your positions, patting your shoulder to pity you for what you might see. There's an echoed sound of whistles through the forest and you join them as you have been commanded, walking to the back of the semicircle of Saviours, to watch for any walker attracted by the sound. 

There is nowhere to run for the poor souls that are about to be punished. No one can cross the Saviors and get away with it, that, you have clear. There is punishment. There is and will always be punishment. 

Finally, seconds later, the rest of the group arrive at the meeting point carrying a stretcher, just to find themselves surrounded by the Saviors coming from everywhere around the forest and the incessant whistle. Negan's trademark whistle. There is nowhere to hide, their RV parked in front of them, now the lights of the cars turning on, blinding them for a second while the Saviours that followed them make the closing wall of the circle. Looking like deers surrounded by wolves, fear of the unknown is written all over their faces. The general whistles start to fade, yours too. Then a thick silence is made.

"Good. You made it. Welcome to where you were going." says Simon, walking forward. You observe one more time behind you, other Saviours keeping their ears up for walkers or other guests but it has to look like you all are just watching a show. "We will take your weapons," he adds, extending his arms vaguely to the rest of the team, then points a gun to one of them, a kid with a wounded eye. "Now." 

'Very brave, Simon…' you think.

"We can talk about-" speaks up a man with a peppery beard and really strong southern accent, who seems to finally understand the situation they had put themselves into.

"We're done talking. Time to listen," throws Simon in a meaningful tone. Some men approach the group to take the weapons and he walks to the kid. "That's yours, right?" he closes in on the child, adopting a menacing stance. "Yeah, it's yours," adds before clipping on the kid sheriff hat. Regaining his posture he commands. "Okay! Let's get her down and get you all on your knees. Lots to cover."

"Hold up," says a redhead that looks like he could definitely put up some resistance. Big muscles and a fierce look that also exudes from his very being. 'A soldier,' you can guess. You've seen enough of them to be able to tell them apart. "We got it."

"Sure, sure," replies Simon, making a signal for them to proceed. They help a short-haired woman that looks very sick to get to her knees in the center. For the others, it takes a little longer to obey. "Gonna need you on your knees," replies Simon starting to get impatient. "Dwight!"

"Yeah," answers the blonde fellow, dutifully.

"Chop-chop," Simon commands, to the expectant man. 

"Come on. You got people to meet," Dwight moves from behind the crowd and advances to the bullet-holed van. The first person you see shocks you to the bone. 'Daryl!' you freeze. 'He's alive!? What is he doing here!? Oh god, I moved that van!' So many questions are building in your head that you start to spiral. The last time you saw Daryl the world was guided by less hard rules than survival, or at least that was the image portrayed by everything surrounding you. Times when you were way younger and with fewer experiences in life over your shoulders. Those were by far, sweeter times.

You met Daryl when you were twenty and he was twenty-seven, by chance, getting into the worst-looking bar in your area with your "friends". They were in one of those reckless moods and they called you for a girls' night, although they were nearer to Daryls' age than yours. 'Why am I with them again? Oh, yeah! My mum wants me to be nice to them because they are her new friends' daughters.' you told yourself each time. You ended up sticking with them, though you were a lone wolf and by far very different from them. 

"If you want to feel like you are wild, or whatever, we could go for a bungee jump. You are just going to find a bunch of regular people chilling, I'm telling you," you told them that afternoon. You knew that to be a fact but they did not listen. 

When you opened the door because somehow you were the head of the group, although you weren't even allowed inside by age, your eyes found Daryl instantly. You knew right in that second, the guy was just a bit odd in his group. A quiet guy, in a group that looked like the kind of pricks you would like to kick their asses. Troublemakers, busting up fights. The kind with 'I'm a prick because my parents neglected me and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life,’ as a life excuse. 

Merle, Daryl's brother, called you and your friends over to sit with them, as they spotted you at the door and the impulsive girl of the group was walking there before you could stop her. The rest had to run after her, looking at each other with longing of going home.

'There are only two ends to this night,' you thought. You walked behind them with your sassy face and took your seat at Daryl's side. He looked at you sideways, not sure of what to do or not sure what you had in mind with him.

"Come on Daryl! Say something to the girl. You might finally get your ugly ass laid today, boy!" Merle laughed at his brother. Daryl, annoyed, flicked his tongue. He seemed bothered about something. You thought he was cute but did not say anything to him and instead glared at Merle. "Come on darling, you know why four girls have come here alone, dressed like that. And if you don't, well, you are too innocent to be here." 

Your clothes were quite normal, according to the fashion trends, not that you should have apologized if they weren't. Your sweetheart neckline sleeveless skater black dress was over your knees. Your friends wore similar things, showing more or less thigh, but that was not his business anyway.

"Dressed like what? We are not on display for your entertainment. Asshole." your voice slid through in his direction, venom staining your tongue, ready to bite at the wrong move. Your friends looked at you as if you just poked a bear with a stick.

"Be careful how you speak to me, girl. We are having fun! Don't be such a party pooper!" growled Merle, as if his sexist comment was not a serious thing that was meant to offend.

"How I-But you just-" you almost said, taking it way personal.

"Let's go for a drink," interrupted Daryl, with a calm tone, standing up. You didn't know he did it for your sake that night because Merle would, no doubt, have slapped you. You liked the fact he finally said something to you and gladly followed him. "You guys should leave, this is not your place," he said when you took a seat on a stool, looking behind to see his brother getting touchy with one of your "friends", she gave you an ok signal and a wink. You turned around rolling your eyes.

"Well, thanks for the advice but I'm not the one that chose the worst bar in town," he looked at you sideways again, kind of offended. "I meant no offense." He just nodded and handed you the beer that he just purchased. 'Cool! He has no idea I'm not old enough to drink! If I tell him they might kick me out… what would these airhead girls do next…  Damn. Why do I even bother?'

"I-Doesn't matter!" you interrupted yourself and made a toasting gesture with it. You told him your age later that night and although Merle made a joke about that he should keep away from jailbait, Daryl did not seem too bothered to see you again the next weekend, as you met them with the friend that was now hooking up with Merle.

He was difficult at first, whether it was for your age or him being uncomfortable around new people, you weren’t sure. You hung around and tried to be easygoing with him, although you would jump down the other guys' throats if they tried to talk to you. You kind of knew how to earn a biker's respect, it wasn't you trying to be someone you were not, just you being who you didn't trust to be around other men. 

He seemed to be good at reading people because he seemed to do it with ease, almost as well as you, only far more silent. Your persistence paid off and within a few months, his sweet and kind side became more obvious for you. It was easy to understand where that volatile character came from, he was raised by Merle and his parents indeed neglected them, which made him have to work for everything himself. There was never really anyone there for him to trust or rely upon, besides his brother. And Merle wasn't exactly a solid rock.

The more you talked, the more you were able to wheedle from him. The more you were able to see beyond the surly attitude he had towards everyone, it was a defence mechanism but that was it, he didn't do a single thing to go rogue or do bad things per se if he followed his brother it was his brother who did wrong, not him. For some people, it was difficult to separate them from behavior and action, so Daryl was harshly misjudged, which only fed his aversion towards people. But it was truly not that difficult to get along with him if you dismissed disruptive judgments. 

Your mother did not like him at first and asked you to stay away from him, that pissed him off when he found out about it. He asked you to leave him alone and said 'What is a nice college girl doing with a savage town boy, anyway? Your mum is right, we don't match.' But when you made your way to see him again because you knew he was pushing you away. To avoid bad blood between you and your family, he did not send you away or say anything to make you feel bad about your argument. The two of you just sat next to each other until you reached for the hand resting over his thigh while getting closer to him, then you tangled your fingers with his and he did the same.

The physical contact was just a world apart, at first it was difficult because you weren't sure how to interact. You liked the guy, so you wanted to let him know he was different from the other man you talked to. You had always seemed like a cold bitch in that aspect of your life, not sure if it was for the way your mum was around her people, even if she was an affectionate mother, or if it was for the thought that guys had to earn any sort of closeness from you.

It was probably the latter because that mentality has not changed that much. You have to like someone very much to be physical in any way. On the other hand, he flinched at your approaches at first, so you respected his personal space for months until he got used to having you around for a little bit more than talking.

It was you who took the initiative in sex, even being a virgin because he was always very reserved when it came to the subject. You were kind of worried about what kept him from advancing, so you made sure to be clear enough on how far you wanted him to go. 

That day, you placed a condom box over his nightstand making sure he saw you do it, the rest was history. He was delicate and gentle, it stung at first but it wasn't painful at all and he even made you feel the fireworks. For what you knew, the first time this wasn't always the case. Besides that, Daryl didn’t seem to be a very sexual person.

You were in love with him, nothing stopped you from being with him, and no one was able to come between the two of you. You even managed to tolerate Merle in his ways and inopportune jokes. That was until his dealing with drugs fucked up everything.

Your eyes grow wet from the memories and you force yourself to blink them away. It is not the moment for a breakdown. You always knew you were not over what happened with you two but had pushed your feelings so far away in the back of your mind when you moved. You didn't know how bad that wound was still stinging, until now.

All you can do in the situation you are in is to put on your 'cold as ice' face back on and keep your shit together. At least until you get your thoughts and feelings in place and order. 

"We've got a full boat! Let's meet the man," Simon approaches the RV and knocks at the door, then walks back to where the future Negan's victims are, to stand behind them. Negan opens the door and steps out with all his weight, bouncing on his knees with Lucille’s placed intimidatingly at his shoulder. Displaying his pearly whites in a wicked grin and in that exact moment, you know that something you won't forget is about to happen. Something really, really bad.

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Pissin' Our Pants Yet?- Chapter 4: New order

💕Pairing: Negan x Female Reader 

✏️Genre/au: Canon, Action, Smut, Sci-fi, The Walking Dead Fic

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount: 9173

⚠️chapter warnings: Shitloads of cursing, Gore details (zombies), Mentions of cults, mentions of cult practices, dictatorship status

<<< 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 3 | 𝕸𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 5 >>>

Hii! Did you stumble across this work? Glad you're here 😊 Please, let me know your thoughts once you are finished. Feedback keeps me motivated to write 😁

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

My gratitude goes to @alldevilsarehere90 for her hard work on beta reading this huge chapters🧡

"Pissing our pants yet?" says Negan, the wicked big bad wolf on full display, the dance of shadows and lights in the clearing only making him look more imposing. The alpha in him is exuding from every pore through the depths of his hatred. 

'That's how he uses his anger. He channels it to dominance and subjugation,’ you think as you watch Lucile with her dangerous wires resting at his shoulder, his head held high. If you would have met him in this situation instead, you would have felt far more terrified of him than you were back in the mall. His characteristic smile back to his lips as he starts to walk, knowing they are not yet aware of the things Gregory the pencil dick has told Simon about them. "Boy, do I have a feeling we’re getting close.'' He keeps on his advances, calmly, inspecting the prey, checking each one of them in a semicircle. "Yep, it’s gonna be Pee-Pee Pants City here, real soon," his smile doesn't fade an inch at any moment, then casually points at each one of them while asking: "Which one of you pricks is the leader?" 

"It's this one," Simon replies, pointing to a slim man seemingly in his mid-forties, judging by his peppery beard. Looking at Negan as if he isn't surrounded by at least fifty men or as if Negan is as much of a threat as a walker without legs. To a certain point, you can understand his attitude. 'The dude has taken down a bunch of Saviours like they were pigs waiting to be slaughtered, instead of soldiers to a tyrant's regime,' you remind yourself. "It's this guy," adds Simon with his typical second-in-command tone. Negan looks at the guy up and down, first curious, then gets closer, smiling widely. He already knew. 

"Hi, you’re Rick, right?" he licks his molars, knowing he’s about to break some tough questions for these people, surely: the 'What's he going to do to us?' one. But starts talking seriously and the darkness shown in his features just seconds ago, makes its way into his words. Simon, in front of you, seems to be somewhere darker, his body so tense while seeming to be standing casually, you are sure you heard his joints snap. Like a contained animal on a tight leash. "I’m Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people," his eyes strain and his voice grows lower with those words. 

"Not cool. Not fucking cool. You have no idea how not fucking cool that shit is," the guy looks at him and you notice that sparkle in Negans eyes. Something crosses his mind. "But I think you’re gonna be up to speed shortly. Yeah, you are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes," that smile slowly comes back to his face, the lights making his pearls stand against the dark expression in the rest of his demeanour. "Yes, you are," his tongue travels to the side of his mouth again and for some sick reason you find that sexy. "You see, Rick, whatever you do, no matter fuckin' what, you don’t mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it’s really very simple, so, even if you’re stupid, which you very well may be, you can understand it." There's a short pause in his speech. "You ready? Here goes, pay attention:" he adds, dropping Lucille from his shoulder to point to the guy who's sweating and shaking like jelly, probably starting to notice there's no way out or trying to figure one out, making him move uncomfortably away from her. 

"Give me your shit, or I will kill you," a confident smile appears on Negan's lips. You are the only lucky bastard at Sanctuary on that matter, there's nothing that Negan can threaten you with besides your own life and you are sure he already knows that wouldn't even be a threat. That is until Daryl has reappeared in your life and something has twisted in your soul. Bringing back the threat of trouble and something old, something you thought you left on the road. "Today was career day." Negan starts to pace in front of them with Lucille at his side, talking louder for everyone to hear. Not that you couldn't in this forest of silence. "We invested a lot so you would know who I am, and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me," he points to a short-haired woman. "That’s your job. Now, I know that is a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly mother-fuckin' will." there's some rage in his voice but he knows tonight the rules will be engraved in every single one of their minds with blood. That smile coming and going in the meantime, makes you hope it's just his way of making people think he doesn't care about hurting people to make them fall in line. "You ruled the roost. You built something. You thought you were safe. I get it. But, the word is out: You are not safe. Not even close." emphasising those last words to make a point. 'We are the only ones safe, the Saviours. Only if we follow his rules.' It makes you shiver. 

"In fact, you are fucked. More fucked if you don’t do what I want. And what I want is half your shit. And if that’s too much, you can make, find, or steal more, and it’ll even out sooner or later. This is your way of life now," he explains, extending his arms referring to the situation they are in. "The more you fight back, the harder it will be. So if someone knocks on your door, " he chuckles, "you let us in. We own that door. You try to stop us, and we will knock it down. Do you understand?'' Then he cups his ear not really expecting a response, as he arches his brows towards Rick. All probably because there's still some glare-fight coming from his little crowd. The courtesy isn't replied. "What, no answer?" He steps back again to direct himself to the kneeling group. 

"You don’t really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now, did you?" you look at the group stopping your eyes from staying too much on the one body you know. You knew him but you can't stop the thought: 'Anyone but him, please.'  "I don’t want to kill you, people. Just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. You can’t do that if you’re fuckin' dead, now, can you? I’m not growing a garden.'' Then you notice a change in the air, so thick it could be cut with a knife as if the words before were just a warm-up and he is starting the main event. Starting to get serious. "But you killed my people, a whole damn lot of them, more than I’m comfortable with. And for that, for that, you’re gonna fucking pay. So now, I’m gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you." he makes a slight pause to put his weapon of choice on display. 

"This, this is Lucille, and she is awesome. All this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor.'' He keeps walking and stops in front of a redhead that gives him a 'Let it be me, I'm not scared of you,' kind of look, to which Negan smiles, inhaling sharply while rubbing his beard. "Huh. Ugh, I gotta shave this shit," he mutters to himself, then keeps walking till he sees the young man with the patch on his eye. "You got one of our guns." Negan squats in front of the kid. "Yeah. You got a lot of our guns," his gaze grilling on the kid but the boy keeps eye contact. You shiver, thinking that giving him a stink eye in this situation is probably a dead sentence but the boy is so young, he's probably not yet had the time to make big mistakes to pay for. 

"Shit, kid, lighten up. At least cry a little," Negan tells him with a chuckle before clearing his throat. He moves around still not deciding, just creating tension before choosing who's gonna die tonight. But stops in front of the short-haired woman again, who already looked like she was going to pass out when she was put down from the makeshift bed and she looks even worse now, judging from Negan’s ‘not giving a fuck tone’, says: "Je-sus. You look shitty. I should just put you out of your misery right now-"

"No! No!" shrieks an east asian guy, near to tears as he launches forward towards the woman. You bet, to protect her. 'They are a couple, definitely.' Dwight and another Savior reduce him quite violently, the first one pointing the crossbow to his head while the guy grunts on the ground.

"Nope," Negan, who has been watching the whole thing, starts to move again. "get him back in line," commands before sighing.

"N-noo…" grunts the guy while Dwight drags him to his place again. Then growls and yells with impotence and desperation. 'They don't look like bad people, in fact, they look like pretty normal people you would find at the grounds of Sanctuary. Maybe they just wanted to defend themselves' but it's not your call. "Don't... Don't…" the guy continues to plead, Negan chuckles again but you can't see the fun in all this even if he pointed it out to you.

"Hey, listen. Don't any of you, do that again. I will shut that shit down. No exceptions. First one's free. It's an emotional moment," Negans' smile comes back again, "I get it." He pauses. At this point, it seems obvious how many times he's done this to know how to increase the tension and not let the situation become a bloodbath. You realise that this might, indeed, be a tough choice. He has to choose between them the one that will seal the deal. They all are very close to each other somehow, from what you've heard along the waves, seems like the community is tightly bonded together. "Sucks, doesn’t it? The moment you realize you don’t know shit?" He looks at them and stops his eyes at the kid again, then points him with Lucille and his gaze shifts towards Rick. "This is your kid, right?" he laughs cruelly, sucking in a croaky breath. As if it's been a funny realisation, although you know he already knew somehow before making that comment. "This is definitely your kid!" he adds with a chuckle.

"So stop that!-" growls Rick, finally saying something.

"Hey! Do not make me kill the little future serial killer. Don’t make it easy on me," he suggests, showing off that he already knows who is who and what's been done. "I gotta pick somebody. See, everybody's at the table waiting for me to order." He starts to walk again, with his characteristic whistle, letting the air break through his teeth before saying: "I simply cannot decide..." Then turns, giving them his back, before another dark chuckle escapes, adding to his mystique. Turning, again, to look at them, he adds:  "I got an idea…" wetting his lips, giving it a little thought and his teeth gleaming brightly again. A terrible one, you guess. 

"Eenie. Meenie." he starts, pointing at each one of them, starting at Rick. "Miney. Mo. Catch. The tiger. By. His toe. If. He hollers. Let him go..." he moves to the other end of the lined-up people. "My mother. Told me. To pick. The very. Best. One. And you. Are. It." The time stops for a second, so does your heart in anticipation. Something familiar, yet unknown, stirring up some old emotion close to terror in you. Pure terror. "Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy’s other eye out and feed it to his father, and then we’ll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you’re all gonna be doing that!" The mighty strength put on Lucille for the first hit affects his last words. Then something stops in you, a numbing sensation, swallowing anything you'd been feeling until this moment. Your blood cold in your veins as you see real blood dripping. Some old memory triggering but it doesn't clarify, it doesn't show in your mind. "Oh! Look at that! Taking it like a champ!"

"Suck. My. Nuts," replies the redhead as the blood starts flowing through his head and drips down. The people who know him cry and grunt in desperation. You can do nothing, you just stand there trying to seem like you are looking, but your mind is not focused on that anymore. 

It is hard to see someone you know, do those kinds of things to someone else but you remind yourself that this is survival to the fittest, you have chosen a side, you don’t know these people. You have to stick to the plan. They killed a bunch of your people. You are not a heartless bitch for this. Just one kill, just one and everything will be over. Your head spins on the times you've killed, it was always personal somehow: someone who was a threat, someone who'd hurt you or your family, someone hurting someone else who couldn't defend themself… What was really that different from this? Nothing. Your hands are dirty too. Who hasn't killed these days?

"Did you hear that?" You focus back to a mass of brain and blood instead of where a head should be, on the floor. Negans' voice is tired from the effort. "He said: Suck my nuts!" He exclaims, before laughing. He continues to smash the mass. This only adds to the distress of the people on their knees. Negan moans by the strength put on his act and you forget for a second the situation you are in. "Look at this!" he swings Lucille, spraying blood everywhere and makes that deep husky laugh, when he’s enjoying something way too much. "You guys, look at my dirty girl!" he continues between tired breaths. "Sweetheart. Lay your eyes on this." He adds, pointing to a woman within the kneeling group and sighs heavily. "Oh, damn. Were you- Were you together?" points out moving Lucile between the corpse and the woman. "That sucks. But if you were, you should know there was a reason for all this. Red- and hell, he was, is, and will ever be red. He just took one or six or seven for the team!" he concludes, with dark humor added to his last line. You can hear all of them breathing shakily, affected by the circumstances and it spins your head, unable to get joy from it. Unable to convince yourself that joking around in a situation like this is acceptable. "So, take a damn look!'' Then,  before you notice that you have been walking at all and even less moved, you are grabbing Daryl who has tried to jump on top of Negan, surely to punch him. You whisper in his ear "Be smart, don't get anyone else killed..." he moves his head to look at you, eyes wide open, then tries to shake off from your grip. 

"Daryl!" shouts Rick.

"No! Oh, no." You see Negan pointing at Rick. After a little silence, he chuckles looking at you. Your mind processes then that he might assume you protected him, which you did too, somehow. But the darkness in his sight gives you the thought he might have caught on to  you and Daryl knowing each other. If that is it, you two are fucked, in one way or another. "Get him on his knees."

You obey and retire back to your place on the right side in the background, you begin shaking worried he might kill Daryl as he warned just minutes before. Simon approaches, "Calm down, sweetheart," he whispers, but you barely notice. The way you shake being the telltale sign of how troubled you are, makes you shoot him a murderous look and even with all his height and strength he backs up, hand leaving your shoulder. A thought occurs to you, that if Negan kills Daryl... 'Why do you still care, you idiot!? He broke up with you ages ago! Literally, ages, what? Ten-eleven-twelve years ago? Shit, who can remember that...? Maybe he is not the person you remember him to be.' You keep strong but know you will hate Negan if he kills him. You would kill him. 

In a normal situation, you would be working in a conversation with Daryl. Settle things for you to move on from the past for good. Not that you would bother with anyone else. After all, you were raised not to take bullshit from anyone. But now, 'Shit... This totally sucks...'. 

Negan looks at you once more but your head is already spinning to the past. 

You tie your middle-length, dyed black hair in a ponytail before you hand him a cup of hot chocolate from the thermos. Then you rest your head on his thighs once again. Staring up at the sky full of bright tiny dots in the darkness whilst you caress the picnic blanket next to his legs with your index, making circles while watching your breaths making foggy clouds in the air.

It was your idea to go see the stars in the middle of November but it's the best time to go stargazing, when there's less heat and humidity haze, not that you couldn't see them in summer but the view was definitely better. 

The road to Brasstown Bald has also been enjoyable by itself. Anything that has to do with going on Daryl's bike is pleasurable to you. Sometimes you wish you could just have your own and at this point, you know Daryl wouldn't be the kind to shame you about it. You can't say the same about your mum, she definitely would oppose the idea. She has had enough of her son being a biker, she doesn't want her daughter to be a biker herself. Little does she know you are actually an ol' lady. Even Merle calls you that.

You pull your furry blanket higher due to the cold and Daryl's gaze drifts towards you. In a quick movement, he places his drink over the grass, peeling off his own blanket and lies down next to you. Then takes the spare blanket and pulls it over the one you already have.

Although your heights are not so different, his much bigger frame makes you feel tiny in his arms as you cuddle, with your head against his chest. His breaths and his heartbeat are like lullabies. The tenderness filling your heart makes you wish moments like this could last forever. 

It's surprising how many things your body can do automatically. You've moved into the background from one edge of the crowd to another, being now on the left. Even with that, you've seen it all, as if you were watching. Even if you've tried to eradicate it.

"Sure. Yeah," Negan keeps his squat in front of Rick. "Give me his axe," ’Jesus. What's he gonna do with it now…?’ you wonder. Simon walks forward from his corner and hands it to Negan, who puts the axe in front of Rick and starts to get into an ironic stare-off, smiling and analyzing the man he has in front of him once again. After seeing there is no back down from Rick, his demeanour turns stern. Standing, he puts the axe in his belt with a deep sigh, then grabs Rick by the collar of his jacket and starts to drag him through to the RV. "I'll be right back. Maybe Rick will be with me. And if not, well, we can just turn these people inside out, won’t we?" He pushes Rick through the open door and adds: "I mean the ones that are left." He points at you and then points to the vehicle in a silent order. You jog following after him, closing the door behind, you can locate the axe pinned on the table before you sit in the copilot. Negan is already in the driving seat. He’s looking  straight ahead with determination. 

"Let's go for a ride." He tries to start the engine with no success. "Wow. What a piece of shit!" Then he sucks in with his tongue between his teeth and adds: "I'm gonna kill you..." with mockery, imitating Ricks' previous statement and chuckling at it. "Are you kidding me? Did you see what just happened? What I just did? You just..." he comments, sighing ironically. "Your best chance, is to stand up, grab that axe, and drive it to the back of my head," he states, without even turning around. You are not sure if it is due to cockiness or because he is sure Rick will not do it but you're still sitting with your legs halfway in Negan's direction in case you have to stand abruptly. "See how you do?" Now you see Negan looking through the rearview mirror. "Keep acting tough. Go ahead. Grab, the damn, axe.'' When Rick does exactly that, Negan stands up at the second, pointing an M4A1 SOPMOD previously left next to the driver seat while you point him with your Magnum Desert Eagle. You have not even bothered to get up and just turned in your seat. Negan makes a denial gesture with his head and chuckles.

"Drop it," He says in a tone that almost mimics the sigh, which causes a shiver of excitement in your body. ‘At what point have you started to like his dominant tone…? Damn girl, you're fucked up.’ Rick obeys,  the clink of the axe on the ground sounds around you. Then Negan uses the base of his weapon to hit Rick's belly, cutting off his breath. Sighing again, he sticks the axe back on the table in such way that it makes Rick reel back, even though you remain impassive. "Do not make me get up again." Concludes Negan dryly. When he turns back, you exchange glances. "Well, look at that. Dawn is breakin'." his eyes meet yours again, with a face you can not decipher, then turns back, his pearly smile doing the honors on his face once again. "It's a brand-new day, Rick," he announces with a chuckle and sits in front of the wheel, ready to go. "I want you to think about what could have happened, think about what happened, and think about what can still happen." Negan sighs as if tired of repeating himself, which is probably not a good thing for the dude on his knees. Then Negan starts the engine and the big machine finally moves. Silence falls upon you all for a few seconds and you take the chance to observe the person who has become Negan’s plaything, only to realise he is lost inside his mind. ‘Good, he's thinking, maybe this will end soon for all of us. This shit is taking too long if he just accepts that he has nothing left and that he lost… I hate this shit I wanna go home.' The day is brightening but the road is covered in a dense fog that won't let you see in an inch of distance without the lights. You hear a walker approaching just before the RV splashes its head in the front window. 

Negan laughs with malice "Oh! Boom!" jokes Negan before he keeps laughing. "That reminds you of anybody you know?" ’Oh boy...’ Another giggle comes along while bashing another walker’s head against the front of the vehicle. "Oh, yeah." The growling continues, you suppose it must be a herd attracted by all the noise that has been going on the past few hours. The brakes squeal and the engine shuts off, then Negan makes the keys jingle in his hand. Grunting, he walks to the back but you just stay and observe. Squatting on Rick’s side, he states: "You are mine. The people back there," Rick does not meet Negans' eyes as he speaks "they are mine. This," He shows Rick the axe "This is mine."

All the grunting noises coming from outside indicate a large amount of walkers approaching the RV. Negan stands up and walks to the door opening it and does something you would not expect. After killing one of the undead, looks at Rick whose eyes are on the carpet that covers the floor and with a naughty face, he throws the axe over the roof of the motorhome. "Hey, Rick, go get my axe. Let's be friends." Rick looks at him for a second, pissed off, not wanting to bow his will to Negan’s ways of humiliating people. Another walker tries to get inside, fighting for the taste of flesh. "Oh," Negan says with a chuckle, then bashes its head with Lucille. Negan sighs and angrily approaches Rick, threatening him with Lucille. "Get my axe." Moving away to leave some space for the guy to reach the door, you can see in the obvious expressions of his face that Rick is struggling to give up. But then Negan throws him out of the truck without giving him a thought and closes the door behind. You stay put, staring at Negan who's now looking back at you.

"I can't wait to get home," you whisper, looking away while you stand, more for yourself than anything else.

"Yeah. Well. I have a better idea after what I saw earlier," says Negan with a lusty whisper. You suppose he is referring to the fact that you saved his gorgeous face from a punch.

"You're welcome," you say, looking at him with a mischievous glint in your eye. "It was nothing, really. But I was referring to going to take a nap. I'm so done..." you talk back in a playful tone while closing the distance between you. His features show he's not in the mood for pull-and-push.

"I was expecting to end what we started before. Maybe get that sweet a-" You give him a killshot glare to which he responds with a dark smile from his side.

"Language," you grill.

"Hey, didn’t mean to-" he responds quietly in contrast with his previous attitude but gets interrupted by Rick's footsteps on the roof of the RV. He looks up, forgetting about you and loud enough for Rick to hear, says: "Bet you thought you were all gonna grow old together, sittin' around the table at Sunday dinner and the happily ever after," pausing for dramatic effect. "No. Doesn't work like that, Rick. Not anymore. Think about what happened," then his eyes meet yours. "People died, Rick. It's what happened. Doesn't mean the rest of them have to. Get me my axe." There’s the lesson you mustn’t forget: he doesn’t feel like what he is doing is wrong. "Get me my axe!" repeats looking at the ceiling and then whispers to you: "So, sweetheart you are on my top list now. The way you stopped that guy, your fury..." he gets closer, expecting you to react but instead, you press your hand on his chest. He wastes no time grabbing it and kissing your wrist.

"Let's leave this for the privacy of Sanctuary, shall we?" you whisper in his ear. He puts his hand gently in your throat, catching your jaw and kisses you. You can hear in the background how the amount of walkers around the RV is increasing.

"I thought you were the guy, Rick. Maybe you're not!" speaks Negan but this time doesn't look away, his hand moves to the back of your hip. His voice louder and intense. "We'll give it one more go. Now, I really want you to try this time. Last chance," his face gets darker when he hears no movement from up, his hand leaves your hip to unlock the automatic weapon and his eyes look up before shouting: "Bring me, my axe!" then he moves quickly away from you and starts to fire it towards the ceiling, slightly away from where you could hear Ricks' footsteps. You note the thud of his run and the sound of a chain rattling. The two of you head to the back window to see him hanging, grasping like a koala onto an undead guy hanging off the bridge. Then the walkers start to pull him down by his feet when he slides a little from the moving body. You look at Negan, who only smiles at you. You gesture at him with a: 'Please, do something,' look, his only response is a chuckle and an eye roll as if he thinks you have no sense of humor. When your eyes make their way outside again, you both see how the head of the hanging corpse is separating from the body 'Jesus! That's awful!' you think, totally disgusted. Negan quickly opens the back window and starts to shoot at the walkers surrounding Rick. You move back to your seat, expecting this to be over soon.

"Clock is ticking, Rick!" Says Negan, closing the window with a knock of his hand against it, then adds, "Think about what can still happen!" You can hear Rick outside grunting, assuming he's fighting the walkers. Negan winks at you and you have to hold back the disgust you feel for his enjoyment. Negan presses the horn, to alarm Rick outside, you guess, or maybe the walkers. You can hear Rick bashing walkers on the other side of the door. One splashes against the RV, like a popped water balloon. He tries to enter but the door is locked and you can hear one more crashing against the bodywork. 

Negan calmly opens the door and shoots with his M4 clearing a little area for Rick to enter, then gets out of the way before Rick jumps in closing the door behind him, panting hard. Negan paces in the same spot, while Rick attempts to get the air back into his lungs. When he finally stands, the big boss looks him over, demanding the object with his hand. Rick reluctantly gives it to him with hate in his eyes and sits at the table with his head down. Negans' stare stays on the other man and even with his back to you, you know he is smiling. "Attaboy!" with that he sinks the axe into the table once more and walks to the wheel. You see from the corner of your eye how Rick follows him with his eyes, staring daggers at him. 'Man, you are not understanding shit, are you…?' you think. He is so focused that he seems to have forgotten your presence. Negan starts the engine and drives back to the meeting point.

"We're here, prick," states Negan, standing up and walking over to Rick, who at the same time keeps that killshot glare fixed on him. Negan notices and judging by the way he smiles, you know he's not having any of it. 'This guy has way too much testosterone or he’s just a fucking idiot. Oh lord… Just bow your head and accept you lost'. Negan starts to talk while checking on the cabinets. "This must be hard for you, right? I mean, you have been King Shit for so long. Losin' three of your own like," He snaps his fingers in front of Rick. “And yes, I'm taking the punching hellcat too.”

“Oh. Goody!" he exclaims when he finds a bottle of ethyl alcohol before opening it. Following the motion with a sigh, he leaves the cap on the table and leans on top of Rick before adding. "You were in charge." He unhooks the axe from the table, "Hell," he rubs it against Rick's jacket to remove the traces of clotted blood that cover it, making Rick wince. "you were probably addicted to it. And now," Negan starts throwing the liquid over the metal of the weapon to clean it. "well, clip, clip- that's over. But," he points out, as he takes a seat in front of Rick, "you can still lead a nice, productive life producing for me." Rick's eyes meet Negan's, not submitting and this time he passes Rick the axe by the handle. You can sense his smile again. "I think you're gonna need it. I just got a feelin'," Negan tells him before he sighs. You know that Rick is pushing his patience with the useless resistance he is showing. "So take it," he concludes, demanding. By his tone, you'd say Negan is borderline angry but you can't really tell if it's part of the game or if it's real. 'His mood swings… damn…' He stands and you follow his lead, only to see him throwing Rick out of the RV.

Negan grabs Rick by the nape again, to put him in front of his group as if he was a dog. You follow out of the RV and close the door behind you before reuniting with the rest of the crew.

"Here we are. Let me ask you something, Rick. Do you even know what that little trip was about?" inquires Negan without moving. You can now see the faces of Rick's group in detail and notice, that Daryl now has blood running down his shoulder, which pisses you off, awakening old feelings of protectiveness. "Speak when you're spoken to."

"Okay. Okay," replies Rick breathing heavily.

"That trip was about the way that you looked at me. I wanted to change that. I wanted you to understand..." explains Negan, adding a smile when Rick gives him the look, again. "But you're still looking at me the same damn way. Like I shit in your scrambled eggs, and that's not gonna work! I wanted you to understand. So," then he squats next to the man in question, playing with Lucille in his grip. "Do I give you another chance?"

"Yeah," replies Rick rapidly, still panting. "Yes. Yes."

"Okay." Negan taps on Rick's shoulder before adding: "All right!" standing again and rubbing his nose thoughtfully. "Here it is," bouncing he paces for a moment, "the grand prize game. What you do next will decide whether your crap day becomes everyone's last crap day or just another crap day." He then gestures to the Saviours at the back. "Get some guns to the back of their heads." obedience takes only seconds. "Good. Good. Now level with their noses, so if you have to fire-" gesturing an explosion paired with sound effects in a very graphic way, adds: "it'll be a real mess." then chuckles. "Kid," he says, calling the youngest subjects attention, inviting him with a hooked finger, then pointing to the floor where he wants him to go. "Right here." Disobedient, the boy does not move and stays put looking back at him. "Kid. Now." Finally he moves.

"You a southpaw?" Negan asks him once he is where he ordered.

"Am I a what?" asks the kiddo, giving Negan a strange look.

"You a lefty?" Negan inquires, rephrasing his question as he would to a child.

"No." replies the boy, derogatorily. ‘This kid has a fucking nerve! Like father, like son...’

"Good," adds Negan, while tying his own belt on the left arm of the kid with Lucille held under his own. "That hurt?" he wonders then, with no genuine care in his tone.

"No." 

‘God, Negan will fool himself into thinking this kid would make a good Saviour. His face says it all...’.

"Should. It's supposed to," he replies with his characteristic grin. "All right. Get down on the ground, kid. Next to daddy. Spread them wings!" orders the man, throwing the boy’s hat away at his back. The kid obeys when Negan makes him go down to the floor and gives him a final push to make his belly touch the ground, with a grunt. "Simon, you got a pen?" 

"Yeah," Simon responds, unimpressed.

"Sorry, kid," apologizes the big boss as he takes off the lid from the marker pen, then groans when he squats next to the boy as if his knees hurt after so much bouncing. With the cap held between his teeth, he starts drawing something on the kid's arm and adds: "This is gonna be as cold as a warlock's ballsack, just like he was hanging his ballsack above you and dragging it right across the forearm." then takes the cap from his mouth and returns it to the pen before passing it back to Simon. "There you go. Give you a little average."

"Please don't. Please don't," begs Rick, eyes pleading with Negan.

"Me?" Negan chuckles dismissively. "I ain't doing shit." then stands, with Lucille back in his grip again. "Ahh...Rick, I want you to take your axe and cut your son's left arm off, right on that line."

‘What the fuck…’ 

"Now, I know- I know. You're gonna have to process that for a second. That makes sense. Still though, I'm gonna need you to do it, or all these people are gonna die," Rick begins hyperventilating. "then Carl dies, then the people back home die, and then you, eventually. I'm gonna keep you breathing for a few years, just so you can stew on it."

"You-You don't have to do this. We understand. We understand." pleads a dreadlock-haired woman.

"You understand," emphasizes Negan. "Now. I'm not sure that Rick does," he remarks, before returning his attention to the man in question. "I'm gonna need a clean cut right there on that line. Now, I know this is a screwed-up thing to ask, but it's gonna have to be like a salami slice." 

‘He’s got to be fucking joking… why am I even surprised at this point...’ you think. 

"Nothing messy, clean, 45 degrees- Give us something to fold over. We got a great doctor. The kid'll be fine..." Then fakes to ponder on it for a second. "Probably." Squatting again directly in front of him he continues, "Rick this needs to happen now,  chop-chop, or I will crush the little fella's skull myself." he adds, aiming the baseball bat at the kids' head.

"It can-It can-It can be me. It can be me. W-W-" Rick stutters sniffing, completely discomposed. "Y-You can do it to me. I c-I can go with-with you."

"No. This is the only way..." Negan replies calmly. "Rick, pick up the axe." He orders as he stands again. A short silence is the response. "Not, making a decision, is a biiiig decision." Negan’s tone is starting to rise, meaning his patience is cracking. "You really want to see all these people die? You will. You will see every ugly thing," Rick hyperventilates again. "Oh, my God. Are you gonna make me count? Okay, Rick. You win. I am counting. Three!"

"Please…" Rick starts crying, "Please…" he gasps, "It can be me. Pleeease!" the crying intensifies, desperation evident in his words. "Please don’t…"

"Two!" Shouts Negan without compassion.

"Please, don't do-" "Rick continues pleading while sobbing. 

"This is it," replies Negan, after he squats to grab the crying man's face to make his point clear. "One!"

"Aaah!" Growls Rick desperately.

"Dad just do it." you can hear the kid whisper. “Just do it." 

‘What a pair of balls.’ 

Rick stays there struggling, breathing heavily and you start to think he might pass out. You have seen someone do so before, being under pressure, sometimes the body just collapses but instead, he keeps screaming, grabs the axe and points it to the sky, getting ready to do what he knows will change his kids' life. Negan squats next to Rick again, but his face is an image of winning and pride. Rick looks at him with the most pleading eyes you’ve ever seen. Broken.

"You answer to me. You provide for me." Rick nods obediently. All you can think is, 'This is what Sherry meant when she said he always gets what he wants, no matter what…' "You belong to me. Right?" growls Negan, while the man continues nodding, eagerly trying to get air back into his lungs. "Speak when you're spoken to!" shouts Negan grabbing Rick’s face violently "You answer to me! You provide for me!"

"Provide for you" replies Rick in a broken voice.

"You belong to me, right?!" remarks Negan, still shouting.

"Right," Rick answers.

"Right." Negan wins. ‘Negan always wins.' you think. 

"That. Is the look I wanted to see!" He exclaims, standing again. But things aren't over yet as he grabs the axe. "We did it, all of us, together. Even the dead on the ground. Hell, they get the spirit award, for sure." sighing, he adds: "Today was a productive damn day! Now, I hope, for all your sakes, that you get it now. That you understand how things work. Things have changed. Whatever you had going for you, that," he interrupts himself, chuckling. "is over now. Ah..." he adds before doing something that puts you on high alert, pointing at Daryl with Lucille: "Dwight! Load him up.'' The man in question has to put some effort to pull him back to the back of the van before he points at Daryl with the crossbow. Then you look at Daryl for a last time, his eyes meet yours before they close the doors. 

Negan squats again, next to Rick. "He's got guts- Yeah, he does. Not a little bitch like someone I know," he remarks, mocking Rick. "I like him. He's mine now. But you still want to try something?-Not today, not tomorrow- Not today, not tomorrow-? I will cut pieces off of-" he looks confused for a second and directs his eyes to Simon. "Hell's his name?"

"Daryl," Simon answers solemnly.

"Wow." Negan chuckles. "That actually sounds right!" his eyes dart back to Rick. "I will cut pieces off of Daryl and put them on your doorstep." smiling he decides to rephrase: "Or, better yet, I will bring him to you and have you do it for me." then he chuckles and pats Rick's shoulder before standing up. "Welcome to a brand-new beginning, you sorry shits!" he shouts, theatrically. "I'm gonna leave you a truck. Keep it. Use it to cart all the crap you're gonna find me." Then everybody starts to move, including Negan. You too in his direction. "We'll be back for our first offering in one week. Until then ta-ta!"

With that, he leaves behind his trail of destruction. In this case, it is more psychological than physical. 

You leave along with Negan, right behind him as you both get into the car. There and then the tiredness hits you. ‘Shit, I’m getting too comfortable… I was never this tired when alone.' But you put your seat back and close your eyes in what could be read as a trustful gesture towards Negan. You can feel his glare for a second but you just relaxe and let the darkness consume you. Then you are in a different place. 

It’s a cold night, too cold to be outside but your group has not found a shelter yet. After two days of walking around, trying to find food and medicines for Eric, the member who has been ill for a few days. Without that luck, it’s just getting worse. You have no other option than to light a fire for all of you to warm up. Laura and Alan, the blonde couple will keep the watch during the night so the rest of you can sleep. 

You wake up, startled by a scream, to find Eric has inexplicably become a walker. He had just a bad cold, no bite, no scratch. Now he's attacking your mum, who was sleeping right next to him to offer some aid during the night. 

He is ripping right into her throat by the time you all react to the horrible scene unfolding before you. Your first reaction is to put a bullet through his head. Running towards your mum, you can only watch as she chokes on her own blood. Tears start running down your cheeks and a hard lump forms in your throat, as you contain a scream of pain. Out of love and compassion, you show mercy by shooting her right in the middle of the forehead. 

You stand there, staring at her lifeless body with no light in her eyes, it's as if time has stopped, as if you were frozen, unable to move a muscle. She’s gone. Your mother is dead. 

The warm tears keep falling but you are numb, your thoughts collapsing, until you feel a hand pulling you before snapping back to reality. The screams and the gunshot have attracted more walkers to your camp. Some members of your group are already dead, their bodies scattered around you with chunks of them missing. Finally reacting, you run in the direction you are being pulled in. Your brother has your hand and you are both already breathless in your escape. 

After killing a few walkers on your way, you two get to a tree to rest for a few and that is when you notice it. Your hand is wet with red, blood, your brother's blood. You follow the trail up to his shoulder to see a bite. He is already losing too much blood, it probably nicked an artery. 

"John…" he hushes you. "John." You whisper this time. "You are bleeding..." you say. As if he hasn’t noticed yet, his eyes follow your gaze to his arm, under the light of the moon it seems to illuminate it.

"Shit!" he whispers. "Fuck!" you see a walker go the way you just came from. "You have to shoot me, Allie."

"What!? No!" He hushes you again. "No way…" you insist, adamant.

"I’m going to die, Alice." That shoots you like a bullet through the heart and you start to sob. "I don’t want to become one of those things… and I will only slow you down if we go together, for me to end up like them anyway. I don’t want to put you in danger.'

"Please don’t…" You can't stop crying. You feel weak and lonely all of a sudden. Unable to believe you are going to lose the only people you ever loved in your life on the same night. Your mum and your brother wiped out like dust in the wind. As if they were nothing. "I can’t do this alone… Please…"

"Allie, I love you and I want you to try to live. There has to be somewhere you can live a life, there has to be somewhere. I want you to find it. I want you to fight for it. I want you to live. Promise me you will live." You don’t say anything. "Promise me, Alice."

"I promise." You say and hug him, only to feel the accelerated beating of his heart, working very hard to keep the blood pumping through his body.

"You have to do it now," he mutters. You don’t know how much time has passed but you can see your brother looks paler. He tries to pick up the gun that is still in your hand but you pull your hand away. He looks at you, eyes pleading, but you can’t do it. Something stops you. Something selfish that wants to keep clinging onto your bond.

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…" you whisper as you cry. He nods, understanding, and with a movement faster than you expect, he yanks the gun out of your hand and shoots himself in the temple.

You whimper and automatically cling to his body stopping it from falling. You cradle him, burying your head against his chest, letting the knot in your throat break in a pained cry.

You wake up with a whimper as someone's hand moves you. You panic for a second but then notice you're still in Negan's car and he’s been the one to shake you awake.

"Sorry, love. You seem to be going through hell there." You notice the warm sensation of tears falling through your cheeks. "Oh shit…" You rush to swipe at your skin unwilling to show your weakness.

"I’m fine" he looks at you, clearly not believing it but he doesn't press it as he returns his eyes to the road. Noticing you’re shaking, you put your seat straight and rub your hands feeling strangely numb. ‘If the nightmare is back, it has to mean something’. 

You are still restless when you get out of the car. Negan starts ordering you, the Saviours, to occupy your next hours resting since he's satisfied with the job you all did. You see Dwight taking Daryl out of the van, Negan gives him a nod, and then he walks to the door and disappears through it. You feel the urge to go behind them and make sure Daryl is fine but that would be a serious mistake, for the both of you. So masking your nervousness, you lead the way through the corridors. Feeling a big, warm hand take hold of your wrist, takes you by surprise and your first response is to snatch your hand away that is before you realize it’s Negan.

"What’s going on?" He wonders seriously.

"Sorry, I'm just really tired," you reply showing a toothy smile but Negan does not buy it.

"I wouldn’t like to have a misunderstanding here, so, for your own sake, tell me what’s going on." He asks politely, yet there's a threatening undertone to it.

"I just vividly dreamed about how my mum and brother died… I think I’m feeling a little bit out of my body right now. My apologies," you answer, deleting the smile from your face. You can’t believe the fact that Negan gets closer and kisses your forehead.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’ll see you in a few hours," he whispers. You nod appreciating the gesture, and with that you leave, walking slowly through the empty corridors. Once again in your room, you let your body fall on top of the bed and everything becomes pitch dark again. 

You wake up confused and alarmed for a second before realising where you are. It's night time and silence reigns at Sanctuary, as always. That's one good thing that came along with the disease. The silence. 'Some day nature will win it's place back.' you wish.

You get up from the bed thinking it could be a good chance to sneak out and get into the cells and see Daryl again, to know what kind of treatment he has been given. 

'Am I stupid to worry about him?' you wonder.  Looking through the room in the darkness, only the moonlight allows you to find the clothes you were wearing earlier. Still not showered, there is no point in changing the garments. 

Your steps lead you to the cells. The door isn't closed but you take a careful look at what's around you, in case there's someone on watch. There's an annoying song playing on repeat but you don't dare touch the music player. Surprisingly, there is no one looking after the prisoners. Taking the chance to look at which doors are locked before you find out only one of them is. Then you find yourself entering the guardian's room, looking for the set of keys. 

Opening the door you see a plastic plate on the floor with some sort of sandwich and Daryl covering his eyes from the light in the corridor, in one corner of the room. Your eyes fall over his dirty clothes and hair, thinking how the man has definitely seen better days. Then you realise he's looking at you. 

"Are you okay?" you ask, feeling stupid. He's obviously not but it's more like an opener of conversation. You begin to squat in front of him and reach out to touch his shoulder, only for him to avoid it. 

"I mean no harm…"

"Why are you with them?" he inquires, fierce eyes meeting yours.

"Seems things have taken a twist, uh?" you reply bitterly, unable to hold your tongue without that judgement.  "Now I'm the one with the bad guys and you're with the good ones. Who would have said that ten years ago, when your brother screwed everything up and you… still chose him," you grill him sarcastically, he lowers his head just slightly while still analyzing your face. 'Are you sorry or you are still your brother's puppy dog?'

"It was-" he tries to speak but you interrupt him.

"I was alone. I had no option. Also… I thought it could be a better chance of survival," his eyes still hard on you soften a little, just slightly enough for you to notice. "Don't lecture me, from what I've heard you killed dozens of Saviours for no apparent reason…"

"If you think they are good people you're delusional," he comments. You chuckle. It seems that some of Negan’s traits might be running off on you.

"Call me whatever you like Daryl… I've always done right by my conscience, I'm not going against it now." You whisper the last word. "I'll also remind you what I said that day; 'I forgive you'. No matter how bitter I am about it." you whisper that close to his ear, waiting for him to lash out at you but only surprise alters his features. He says nothing. When you move to stand, you find something calling your attention in the corner of your eye. Dwight's shocked look from the other side of the door with a sandwich in his right hand.

You calmly close the door and walk his way handing him the set of keys, with a dangerous smile, warning him to keep it a secret. If he were to drag you down, he would fall too and you both know it. Instead, he just nods and you keep walking while deciding it might be a good idea to have a shower and some food. 

In a hurry, you walk to pick up your stuff and rush to the showers, in case you are needed for anything. Afterwards with your hair still damp you sit on the couch of your room, opening a can of sardines, and cutting some bread to fill your stomach, even though it's still quite nauseous from the previous events. 'He's there, eating shit and I'm here eating like a monarchy these days. If I was lucky I wouldn't even know he's still alive…'

You are almost done when you hear a recognisable knock. 

"Come in," you call.

"Hello, darling," says Negan, swinging the door open slowly and entering with his hand still on it. His eyes meet yours with darkness.

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Attention

Pt.2

~~~~~~~~~~

Being a Grimes was a hard life to live. Your father as an ex-sheriff, mom a cheating whore and your little brother a menace. The apocalypse didn’t help your hatred towards Lori, her cheating with Shane when you all thought your father, Rick, to be dead in the hospital bed you were dragged away from. You felt sort of relieved when Lori passed giving birth to Judith, of course it was rough to lose your mom, but she no longer felt like your mom at that point.

 Carl always hated you for how you acted towards her, but when your family reached Alexandria, you had the chance to explain and his attitude changed drastically. While Alexandria felt too good to be true to begin with, your group melded seamlessly into the community. A few months or so passed with little incident, meeting Jesus from Hilltop, living in a false sense of peace. In the time of peace you had, you were going crazy without music, the songs running through your head never letting you fall asleep easy.

 So, you fixed up an old iPod with hundreds of songs left on it from before the fall of humanity. Skipping through the house you shared with your blood family, you slid on your socks into the kitchen blasting Choke by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME. You were in your own little world of music when Daryl walked into the room, staring you down with an amused look for a little before he cleared his throat. A gasp left you in panic when you slipped and fell onto the floor, your back meeting it on a personal level once more. 

“Fuck Daryl! What the hell?!”

His laugh filled your ears as you grabbed the counter to pull yourself from the floor. You couldn’t help yourself and started laughing at yourself with your boyfriend, his hands clutching his stomach as he keels over. You make your way over and smack his shoulder lightly while wheezing out a small ‘stop it!’. The both of you kept laughing until you slipped again and pulled Daryl down with you by mistake. He landed half on top of you with a grunt as you coughed from his weight being thrown on you suddenly. The laughter stopped after you gave a few more giggles, glancing up to the doorway to see Rick staring you down with that dad look on his face. You panic and push at Daryl’s shoulders trying to get him off of you before your dad came and beat the hell out of his best friend for being on top of his little girl... again. 

Daryl stayed pinned on top of you while your dad stared holes into the back of his head. You pushed at his shoulders more urgently, your eyes filled with panic. The crossbow wielding man suffocating you looked up and over his shoulder at the sound of cowboy boots, knowing that only Rick Grimes wore those in Alexandria. He panicked as well, scrambling off you before your dad could reach you, his hands pulling you from the floor to use you as a shield of human meat. 

“What were you two just doing? You better not have been fuckin’ my little girl Dixon. If you were I swear to whatever god is-”

“Dad! Stop it! We weren’t doing anything...I sort of slipped and fell and... Daryl fell with me.”

Blue eyes pierced yours before finding that you were telling the truth and nodded, clearing his throat and scratching at his head nervously,

“Maggie's gone into labour. We have to go to Hilltop. Doc says we shouldn’t rush it though. She’s not dilatated yet, but she asked for you by her side, Y/N.”

Both you and Daryl gasp at the news, you scrambling to get your running shoes and a sweater to keep warm. Daryl stared you down as you ran around the downstairs floor of the house for your things. Once you collected them, you kissed Daryl on the cheek as well as your dad before you were out of the house in a blur of black. You no longer cared what your father would say to your boyfriend, just focused on getting to your best friend who was going to give birth soon. 

You muttered hellos towards people you passed on your sprint, their eyes wide as they watched you go. When you reached the building you slowed your pace to a walk, entering the building panting and sweating and tired, but that was easily forgettable when you saw the state that Maggie was in. Glenn was at her side as you expected, him not looking the best either as he watched over and talked to his wife. As Maggie looked up at you, relief came over her face before she winced and clutched at her stomach, Glenn grasping her hands in worry. You stumbled to her side, Glenn matching your concern that she waved away even though she looked like the dead wandering outside. 

“Maggie... you are not ok. I’m going to find my dad... you’re way worse than you seem. Stay right here!”, you pointed at her spot in the bed as you kissed her forehead and sprinted away, yelling for Eugene to get everyone to the RV. 

More people watched you like you were crazy, your hair flying behind you and your steps echoing through the safe zone. Daryl, who had escaped your dad started running with you, questions flying at you as you ran. You answered all of them and he immediately broke away to gather everyone in your group for the trip, also wanting it to be as safe as possible for Maggie and the baby. As soon as you reached your house, you called for your dad and Michonne responded in a tone of confusion and calm. You sprinted upstairs after Michonne’s call back, her stopping you from falling as you tripped on the edge of the carpet.

“Dad! Maggie is getting worse, so much worse, we have to go! Right now!”, you tugged on Michonne’s hands, beckoning your dad to hurry the fuck up because he was just staring at you like he found Daryl on you again. 

They both reacted after a minute, shushing noises coming from both of them as Rick walked towards you to gather you in a hug. You sagged into it as Michonne rubbed your back, both shushing you still before Carl walked in and asked why he heard yelling. Then was when you started up again, tugging at you dad this time, ranting about how pale and weak Maggie looked in the bed. Carl reacted similar to you and began panicking, muttering about who would take care of Judith. You insisted that Olivia should but your dad silenced conversation.

“BE QUIET. OK. Y/N, you will stay and take care of Judith, Carl, grab your gun and lets get Maggie to Hilltop before dark. Don’t fight this, Y/N. You know you can’t put Maggie under more stress.”, his eyes met yours and you sighed knowing at every turn for the worse you would breakdown more and more. 

“Ok...”, you turned to Carl again and gripped his shoulders, “Don’t do anything dumb there kiddo. Stay safe and take care of Maggie.”

He nodded and hugged you before he left the room, Rick hugging you once more as Michonne nodded at you. You followed Carl's steps out of the room and back to the streets of Alexandria. You noticed Rosita and Abraham walking from a house and sprinted to them, sliding to a stop in front of them. 

“Don’t let Carl get hurt. I trust you both. I know you’ll keep an eye out for him. I have to stay and watch Judith... be safe.”, you hugged them both quickly before jogging to find the next group of people heading out. 

You came across everyone else already at the RV, Rick holding Judith and waiting for you to approach. You know he knew you would be running around  telling everyone to stay safe and to say a goodbye to Maggie. You grabbed your little sister from his arms, smiling at her coo of content being held by her sister. Your head turned rapidly through the group, searching for your boyfriends gruff expression when you spotted him, Glenn and Abraham helping Maggie out on a cot from the infirmary. You walked over to go through your stay safe speech, Maggie holding your hand until she was in the door of the RV, Rick now helping to lift her into the back onto the bed. Daryl stayed back to give you a peck on lips, you exchanged “I love you’s” and stay safes before he was in the RV and then they were gone. You waved at the RV with Judith until it was out of sight, a sigh leaving you as you walked back to the house to play with your sister before it was time for her dinner. 

You estimated it had been at least two hours since your family had left with Maggie. Having no way to know if they were alright terrified you, but you stayed calm because if you had panicked, Judith would’ve been crying as well and you could never calm her when you weren’t. Your little sister had fallen asleep on you as you had read her a beat up children’s book in hopes of making her tired after eating. When she finally did, you placed her gently in her crib and wandered to the kitchen. You stared at the floor in contemplation of whether or not you wanted water or orange juice. During your decision you may have zoned out... but we don’t mention that. Holding your glass of orange juice, you sighed. This was the second longest you had ever gone without knowing how your group was. It made you anxious, so anxious that you left the house quietly to sit by the little pond near the back walls of the community. The calm water always allowed you to calm your thoughts but as you sat watching the small ripples, it made you more anxious. You had to move, do something with your body because you just could not sit still, your bouncing leg testifying the truth behind your thoughts (unlike Amber Heard). So you got up and began a jog. It was all you could think of until the old crap box of an ipod fell from your pocket. You stared at it reflecting the moonlight before you realized that staring at it wouldn’t turn it on and calm your thoughts as you ran. 

Turning the ipod on and stuffing the headphones into your ears, you started your journey as a light jog. Your pace slowly progressed as you made your way around the entire community, soon enough you were sprinting through streets and weaving around lamp posts under the light of the full moon and stars. The breeze caressed your shoulders as you ran for a while, only stopping when you nearly fell over the edge of a sidewalk. When you did and wiped your brow of sweat, looking around to see where you ended up. Seeing that you ended up at the gates, you sighed remembering why you had began your run in the first place. Time wasn’t really something you were entirely sure of anymore so when you glanced at the ipod time out of habit, you sighed. You never asked any member of Alexandria if they had a clock that was never changed, so your ipod time just read 1:23am. You estimated it might be right but really you just hoped it wasn’t. That would mean that your family had gone for most of the day and night, with no way of knowing when they would be back...well. Until the gates opened for the RV as you had started a slow walk back to the house. Seeing it covered in bullet holes and the look on your dads face as he drove, you knew deep down that something happened. 

Your worst fears were confirmed when the door opened and out stepped everyone except for Glenn, Maggie, Abraham and Daryl. Not seeing them brought tears to your eyes as you rushed to your dad and pulled him into an embrace, looking around for answers. Rick looked like he had died and been revived three times with no proper recovery to look like a human again, Rosita was crying, Carl was dead silent and looking angry if anything. It did not settle well with you as your little brother made eye contact with you and shook his head before he walked away from everyone. No one gave you answers as they all split ways, whatever happened out there shaking them all to the core as your dad sobbed into your shoulder. Michonne was the only one who looked semi-normal, her hand steading you under your dads weight. You stared her down curiously, wanting answers about what had happened and where your boyfriend and best friends were. She just shook her head while staring at the back of Ricks head. You knew that meant it wasn't wise to discuss what happened in front of the broken man. He hadn’t cried this much since... well, since Lori died. 

So, you went along with it and helped your dad to the house, silently as possible bringing him to his room where he could shower the blood off him and maybe regain some thought. When Michonne situated him under the stream of water and sat beside you on the couch, you didn’t ask what happened. You knew she would let you know when she was ready to put into words. The two of you sat in silence, only the water running providing background noise.

“Everything was on plan. We were making our way to Hilltop but we encountered blocks in the road. The saviors put them there. Negan. That’s the leaders name.”, Michonne took a big breath, not knowing how to explain the rest as she stared at her hands, “It was unexpected. They cornered us. Eugene took the RV the route we were going while we ran through the woods carrying Maggie on the stretcher. We were cornered that way too.”

You listened avidly, leaning forwards onto your knees and reaching to hold her hand, Michonne squeezing it lightly in thanks for your silent comfort.

“He made us kneel. On the ground, in front of him. Negan, I mean.”, she corrected herself when she saw your confusion, “There was a lot of them though. He said he was pissed about the outpost we attacked a while back. Said we had to pay for killing so many of his men, even when he sent more to kill us and we killed them.”

Michonne paused and tilted her head towards the stairs where the sound of the shower running was coming from, “Negan took your dad in the RV somewhere... he won’t talk about it. Before that... he took revenge.”

You could see the struggle in her mind on how to word the happenings before the RV trip with Negan. Michonne had just opened her mouth to phrase it gently, knowing you lost your boyfriend and two good friends without knowing it yet when Carl chimed in from the stairs as he walked down them to the kitchen. 

“He bashed in Abrahams head with his baseball bat. Daryl got angry at his taunting, punched Negan, Negan got more angry and based in Glenn’s as well.”

He vanished up the stairs after that, leaving you and Michonne to stare after him in disbelief. On your end it was because you had learned so coldly that two of your friends had had their heads bashed in brutally by a baseball bat, which Michonne soon explained is also covered in barbed wire and called Lucille. You had scoffed at that, as any person would, but the look your dad’s girlfriend sent you had you rethinking your choices. She continued to explain that because of Daryl’s burst of energy and anger despite being injured caused Negan to take an interest him. Which led to the Saviors pulling him from the ground and into a truck to be taken to the sanctuary. 

You had frozen, your mind blank with the thought that you wouldn’t be seeing your boyfriend in a long while despite seeing him earlier and everything was ok. Tears leaked down your face as you shrank into the couch, your entire body shaking as grief washed over you. Michonne rubbed your leg soothingly for a little while until the shower turned off, she then excused herself to go and stay with your dad, knowing you had your ways of dealing with sadness. She was right, you did. Sobbing still and shaking violently, you made your way outside again, walking with your head down until you made it to the gates. It would never be the same and you knew that when Rosita came up to you with tears streaming down her face as well and hugged you tightly. 

As you both stood sobbing into each others shoulders, you knew that you both had just gotten closer, but also that safety was never something you would get again. With the moon casting shadows over your hugging figures as cries of despair filled the night, something had set in steel deep down inside you. You, along with the rest of the community, would never be the same. Not even with Jesus smiling at you from Hilltop.

Attention Pt. 2

Pt. 1 

~~~~~~~~~~~

When you and Rosita finally moved, it was towards the gates under the now dull seeming moon. The two watching the gate seemed hesitant after seeing your tears, but a solid glare from Rosita had the gate opening. The two of you wandered out with an almost urgent walk, ears already perked for the groans of the dead. Words were definitely not required, the hug speaking for enough of your emotions. You had both lost someone, multiple people you loved in a span of a few hours. 

It was a lot of emotional turmoil but with everything being calmer in a few days time, everyone should be feeling a little better. You firmly believed in that thought even though there was a nagging feeling in the back of your mind. The gravel road crunched under your feet as you both walked in silence. Words felt almost wrong at this point, the sadness becoming palpable enough that when a lone walker roamed from the tree line and towards you two, you stood there and watched it. No knives drawn, just heavy eyes watching the rotting man stumble at you. 

You only jumped into action when the groans finally registered and Rosita walked forward in an almost drunk state. Your hunting knife in hand, you trudged up to the walker and sunk the blade into its soft skull. Its body fell limply to the ground and you stared down at it, Rosita being the one to snap out of it and drag it out of the main road. She made her way in front of you afterwards and grabbed your shoulders.

“There’s an old Costco warehouse a few miles down. Let’s go.”

You nodded with a muttered ‘okay’ as you began the walk that you could only imagine was going to be ankle pain inducing. Though you never minded the extra motivation to get back to Alexandria as soon as possible, you knew that coupled with the emotional pain it would be grueling. As Rosita walked to your right, you kept glancing to your left to keep an eye out for more possible lone walkers. Rosita kept watch of the right while you trudged along the winding roads.

The pair of you got close to the warehouse in about an hour, deciding that running would be good for you both. Reaching the gate surrounding the  building, you scanned it quickly for any breaks in the fence. After you had found none and had told Rosita who had also found none, you both climbed over it as quietly as possible. It wasn’t the best way to get in as it proved an issue for getting out but you were both quick on your feet so you both brushed it off. 

You found an unlocked door around the back of the building, a few walkers trying to chew off your arm only to be met with a swift plunge of your knife into its head. Rosita opened the door as you kept watch around the warehouse, watching for anything suspicious. Seeing nothing immediate you turned and followed Rosita into the building, propping the door open slightly with a metal bar that she had found by the door.  You looked around as soon as you entered, the interior being large and echo inducing. You made eye contact with Rosita and agreed to search together, the risk of trouble while alone in such a large space would be disastrous. 

The two of you walked to the left of the building, eyes scanning the boxes you passed on the way. You would get back to them later but you were still curious. Your curiosity proved helpful when you saw a box of backpacks, pulling Rosita over to open it and pull out the Reebok bags. You both had two on your shoulders and one in a hand while your knives was in the other. Continuing along your original path, you reached the very left side of the place and began opening boxes without looking at what they were. The left side proved to hold tools, pet toys, kitchen appliances and outdoor furniture. Rosita started laughing at you when you pulled a foldable camping chair from its box and then its bag, jumping a few inches the air when it snapped itself open with force. 

After your laughing fest and gathering some tools and kitchen appliances that could easily fit in a backpack, you began making your way to the right side of it. With the results from the very left side being disappointing and the boxes closer to the middle providing non-helpful cook books and pet food as well as cat litter, you and Rosita began to dread the right side. On the way over you both collected some children’s and baby toys for the younger ones at Alexandria. Coming across a few boxes of sex toys had you both doubling over in laughter when Rosita tried to sneakily put a dildo into one of her bags, you grabbing one and smacking her ass with it while shoving one in your own bag. 

Quickly escaping from the boxes of dicks, you made your way to the right side...officially. Reaching it was the best day of your life, the shelves chalk full of candy and bars of all kind as well as alcohol. You and Rosita jumped at each other in happiness, a few single serve bottles of vodka being downed by each of you as you shoved bags of jelly beans, chocolate and dried fruit into one bag. That alone filled a whole backpack to the point of barely being able to close any of the zippers. Rosita did the same, hers filled with the variety of alcohol. You both shoved protein bars and granola bars into your third bag, the empty boxes littering the floor around you both. 

All of your bags now full to the brim of cans and things had you both sighing and searching for children’s wagons to carry more than the backpacks. Finding large ones, large enough to hold you and Rosita as you used curtain rods to race down an aisle of shelving, you filled two each with the backpacks, Rosita running and grabbing more to maximize storage capabilities. Bottle of alcohol filled the gaps between bags filled to the brim with food and smaller things like toothpaste, toothbrushes, Advil, makeup, antiperspirant, some allergy pills and razors for shaving. The wagons squeaked along the floor from too much pressure in some places, making you copy them in annoyance as you both downed an old Pepsi, remembered period materials for the ladies, ran to get them, packed in lots and lots of everything and then left the building.

The sun was just beginning to rise as you walked outside with the wagons, you leaving yours to cut a hole large enough for the wagons in the fence with clippers you had found. You guessed you had wasted away at least 5 hours in the warehouse, the two of you maybe taking a nap and having some... lots of... the candy you had uncovered as well as wagon racing and casual conversations while sat on a porch swing that you had put together to surprise your friend. You may have gotten tipsy with Rosita, a few kisses being given to foreheads here and there, hands being held and makeup being used wrong. 

Thinking back on it made you smile as you squeezed through the gate and lead one of the wagons along as well. Rosita pushed one out to you after you stationed one to the side, this process going until Rosita was the one going through the fence and tying it up with zip ties as well as a chain with a few master locks here and there that you now wore the keys to on your neck. You both dragged the wagons behind you with some trip ups here and there from downhill roads that gave the wagons too much speed which caused them to bump into your ankles. 

You had red ankles by the time you reached the gates of Alexandria again, the lookouts looking very shaken as they opened the door after you waved to them happily. The adamant conversation you were having with Rosita continued as you walked through the gates, your laughter echoing until Rositas whole body language changed. Her shoulders tensed and her face became angry, her hands twitching on the handles of the wagons. You watched her in confusion until you heard Rick call out to you and your attention shifted. 

“Y/N...”, his voice was shaky, teary and it almost sounded like he was about to tell you that your childhood beta fish had died again. 

You were so hyper focused on your dad speaking that you didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. You looked over Rosita one last time in confusion, hugging her quickly before sprinting to your dad after dropping the handles with a clunk against the road. 

“Dad! Are you ok?! I was so worried. I’m so sorry I left without telling you, we just needed some time for ourselves... we found lots of good stuff! We’re gonna be ok. I promise. I’ll personally go back and collect more when we need it! I-”

“Y/N...”

You looked confused as he didn’t reach out to hug you like he normally would, you brushed it off though as you hugged him tightly, spotting Carl standing not too far back watching you with surprise. You gave Rick a kiss on the cheek and pulled a rolled up comic book from your pocket as you made your way to your little brother. 

“Hey you little weirdo. I got you a comic book. And there’s a lot more too so you’ll never be short of them.”, you smack Carl over the head with it as you gave him a hug, his hands wrapping around you as he stayed stoic, not showing any emotion past the slight smile he sent you after you handed the comic to him.

You turned back to say more to Rick when you finally noticed big trucks inside the gates, around 50 or so people staring you down. You cleared you throat and shuffled awkwardly to your dad, whispering loudly to him in confusion.

“Dad... what the actual fuck?”

Noticing he wasn’t answering and glancing towards someone just out of view, you glanced over and froze. The man stood there with a cocky smirk on his face was staring straight at you, not even bothering to hide it in the slightest. His leather jacket hung off his broad shoulders perfectly, the white t-shirt a nice contrast to the dark leather, his jeans hugging thighs like they were about to pop off of him with a single step. What caught your attention was the baseball bat covered in barbed wire sitting in his hand while his other was stroking the salt and pepper beard on his chin. 

You made eye contact with him until shuffling caught your attention and you glanced over. You could tell that the man clearly leading these people was going to say something, but your gasp cut him off. Seeing Daryl in dirty, baggy clothes and in no shoes with his hair super greasy as he stood between two large men made tears come to your eyes when he made eye contact with you. The desperation in his eyes made you forget your surrounding as you sprinted towards him.

“Daryl!”, you were stopped short in your journey a few feet in front of him as someone grabbed you around the waist and dragged you back in front of the man with the baseball bat. 

You struggled against the man the entire time, your feet kicking in the air as you pushed at the strong arms holding you. When your feet were on the ground you waited for a minute, staring intently at the ground until someone cleared your throat. Then you ran. Catching Daryl up in a giant hug, you sobbed into his shoulder as he held you gently, a hand cradling your face as you leaned into it. The eye contact was intense with emotions as he leaned in and kissed you gently, your hands gently holding onto the back of his head as you kissed him back. 

It was cut short when you were ripped away from him again, your feet flailing as you were carried over again.

“Put me down! You great big barbarian! Put me down so I can kiss my boyfriend!”

The man holding you just chuckled as you struggled helplessly, holding you still in front of the boss man again. You glared at the arms around you until they moved with a “C’mon now Simon, let the lady stand.” from his apparent boss. You brushed yourself off and looked at Daryl again but your vision was blocked by the man you guessed to be Simon, his bulging muscles giving him away. You gave up trying to get another look at Daryl and looked up at the leather clad man.

“What? Never seen a girl before? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

You heard a few people gasp loudly at your comment but he just laughed at it and held out his hand. 

“Hello there, darlin. I’m Negan. Who might you fuckin be?”

As you grasped his hand out of habit, you saw his smile grow bigger.

“Y/N... Y/N Grimes.”

premiumcable || masterlist

Rick Grimes x Reader

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Carl Grimes x Reader

Negan x Reader

premiumcable || masterlist

Rick Grimes x Reader

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Carl Grimes x Reader

Negan x Reader

Basically him explaining I’m to young for him..

(FYI I don’t care lmao-)