Jungwon X Reader - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Pulling at my heartstrings 😫 this was sooo good

closer.

PAIRING ▸ ravenclaw! jungwon x ravenclaw! reader

GENRE ▸ hogwarts! au, fake dating! au, f2ls, romance, angst, fluff, humor

SUMMARY ▸ your house’s prefect, yang jungwon, is the textbook definition of a ravenclaw. as a fellow housemate and friend, you’re certainly willing to help him out when he needs it. but when jungwon asks you to be his date for the yule ball, you don’t expect the trouble that follows.

WORD COUNT ▸ 4.7k

AKA you and jungwon are the definition of dumb and dumber. 

NOTES ▸ mentions of food, not proofread ???

part of the charms and chasers miniseries.

“WILL YOU BE MY DATE TO THE YULE BALL?”

certainly a great start to your breakfast in the great hall. you choke on your orange juice, not expecting those nine words to leave your house prefect’s mouth. you’re not sure if you’re lucky that your friends hadn’t arrived yet to witness such unexpected words or unlucky that they weren’t there to help you. 

“e-excuse me?”

yang jungwon shuffles around nervously, glancing around before he repeats his words. “listen, i’m really desperate. you’re the first person i saw who was available-“

your eyebrow quirks up at that. 

“-and this year they’re making the prefects dance the opening and I don’t have anyone to-“

you zone out. 

sure, you thought jungwon was a really nice and responsible prefect slash housemate. and sure, you thought he was literally the textbook definition of a ravenclaw, but you weren’t sure what to make of this. 

you would even consider jungwon a friend- if someone you only talked to a couple times a week for schoolwork counted as a friend. blinking, you return back to focus when you see jungwon staring at you with a half-desperate and half-embarrassed? look on his face.

you fumble, “uhm….”

it comes out utterly confused, your mind scattered at the abrupt confrontation. with his eyes boring into you, you look everywhere and anywhere but at jungwon. you just wanted a peaceful breakfast, not a massive heart rate spike in the early hours of the day. give credit to your social anxiety and personality to please everyone that made you stutter out a weak, “sure,” and shoot jungwon a half-grimace, half-grin. 

he practically deflates in relief, clasping his hands together tightly and thanking you countless times. biting your lip, you watch as he leaves and your friends come into view, making their way over to you. truly, you have no choice but to wonder what you just got yourself into. 

you find it awkward to talk to jungwon after the confrontation. should you say something to break the ice? after all, he was the one who asked you to be his date. 

or was he waiting for you to make the first move? 

you shake your head, overthinking really sucked. 

“did you finish the assignment for potions?”

you jump at the familiar voice, turning around in your seat to see jungwon looking at your expectantly, although the jittering of his knee below the table catches your eye. 

“oh. yeah. uh… did you?” 

“yep,” he nods shortly. silence overcomes you and you bite the inside of your cheek. 

why were you acting like this? jungwon was your friend (right?), so you shouldn’t be feeling afraid to hold a conversation with him, let alone look in his direction. 

“listen, about the other day,” he starts off and your body tenses. 

“i just wanted to apologize for asking you so out of the blue. i was kinda freaking out since i had to find a date really soon, so i’m sorry i put you on the spot like that. if you don’t want to go with me, that’s fine, i’ll just have to-“

again, jungwon starts rambling and a tiny smile makes its way onto your face. 

“jungwon. i said i would go with you, right?”

he pauses and nods slowly at that. 

“yeah, and i don’t go back on my word. as long as you’re good too, there’s nothing to worry about. how about we just stay as comfortable as we have been?” 

you attempt your best to give a reassuring smile and you think it works judging by jungwon’s sigh of relief. 

“o-of course. thanks y/n, a lot. i mean it.” 

you’re not sure but maybe that conversation broke down a wall and unlocked something in jungwon. because after that day, you felt a noticeable shift in your relationship. 

no more of the friendly surface level conversations about school- you came to learn much more about the ravenclaw yang jungwon. 

entering your house’s commonroom during a break, you’re pleasantly surprised to find jungwon sitting at a corner, looking focused as he scribbles furiously on a sheet of parchment paper. 

there was no harm in sitting with your friend, right? that thought crossed your mind as you strolled over and took the seat across from him. 

for a couple of seconds, jungwon doesn’t even seem to notice your presence. you watch with amusement at the way his eyebrows furrow. what could he be so focused on? 

the sound of your name being called out questioningly brings you out of your thoughts. you look up to find jungwon studying you with wide eyes, a sight unexpectedly cuter than you thought. you internally slap yourself. 

“y/n! what are you doing here?”

you shrug, “wanted some peace and quiet during break. just happened to see you here so i…” your voice begins to falter, “thought it was okay to join you?”

jungwon smiles his trademark prefect smile and you almost choke. “yeah. i don’t mind at all.”

coughing, you glance around the empty room before looking at him again. “what are you working on?”

he lets out a exhausted sigh, and as a ravenclaw yourself, you’ve heard that too many times to count. 

“well, the riddle to enter the common room changed so i had to go around telling all the clueless first-years what the answer was. then i finished the herbology research and had to go on patrol. finally i guess i came here for peace and quiet, like you.”

an eyebrow of yours raises. “and yet you look like you’re still working hard?” 

he glances at you sheepishly, “helping complete a third-year’s defense against the dark arts homework?” 

“helping or struggling?” you snicker, and jungwon pouts. 

“not struggling entirely,” he defends himself and you send him a look, scooting closer to see the sheet better. 

you squint at the questions, faintly remembering the content on the page. as you explain to jungwon, you see his eyes light up as he begins to remember. 

while watching him write down the answer, you smile to yourself. 

“you have a lot on your plate, yet you always seem to be so on top of things still. it’s crazy. i really admire you for it.” 

the sound of scribbling stops. 

his lips purse together as he stares down at the half-filled paper in front of him. 

“thanks, but it’s not exactly ideal when that’s what it only seems like. in all honestly, i don’t know what i’m doing half the time. finding you as my date for the ball lessened half the load on me.”

perhaps there was much more to jungwon that you didn’t know about. you suppress a laugh, “was it really that hard?” 

“it was so bad,” he whines, and you resist the urge to reach out and pet his top of his fluffy hair. 

“then, i’m glad i was able to help you, mr. ravenclaw’s perfect prefect.” 

you can only laugh as he protests to no avail. 

as you leave charms, you pat jungwon’s shoulder. 

“good luck on your test- and don’t worry. you always overthink.”

he sticks his tongue out at you, “shouldn’t i be the one telling that to you?” 

with a huff and a shake of your head, you bid him goodbye. your friends are left on the side to watch your interaction with the boy, eyes zeroing in on you. 

“what was that about?” wonyoung sneakily slides in, giving you the side-eye. you give her an innocent look in response, “what was what about?”

“don’t try me. you know, the budding relationship between you and yang jungwon?” 

you roll your eyes at that. “what budding relationship? we’re friends. we’ve been friends. you know that.” 

she hums, “yes, but i’m also your friend. so,” she drawls on, “i’m telling you right now to tell me what the deal is. there’s obviously something going on.” 

at that, you’re not sure what to say. you have no clue if the ‘situation’ between you and jungwon was public knowledge or not. 

that being you as jungwon’s date to the ball.

the yule ball hadn’t become a huge topic amongst the school yet, mainly because it wasn’t announced to the student body yet. 

jungwon knew early as a prefect and asked you, so you figured you had to keep everything a secret. even to your friends. especially to your friends. 

who knew the amount of teasing you would be succumbed to for having jungwon as your date? 

you shiver. not exactly an ideal situation after all. 

what you didn’t realize, was that the news would be released during breakfast the next day. 

once the yule ball’s exactly details were announced, the great hall erupted in conversation.

“y/n!” kazuha calls your name from across the table with a gleam in her eyes. you turn to her with an easy smile, kazuha was like an older sister to you and you loved her. 

“are you going with anyone?” your friends turn to you expectantly, and your palms begin to sweat with all the attention. 

“w-well, you see-“ you glance around desperately for help but there appears to be no one. you’re not sure why but something in your chest tightens. 

you just can’t tell them the truth. it was so simple, yet something was keeping you from saying that you were going with jungwon. 

“er, i’m so sorry but i have somewhere to be- you know, i have to water my homework!” you blurt out quickly and grab your stuff before basically flying out of the great hall, leaving your friends to share confused looks. 

you turn the corner to an empty hallway and place a hand on your pounding chest. great job y/n, great job running away indeed. 

you take a small breather, closing your eyes and laying against the wall before blearily opening them again. your vision focuses on a clock in front of you, and you suddenly come to. 

“shoot, i’m late!” 

you just barely manage to make it to the ballroom. chest heaving, you noisily push past into the room, attracting everyone’s attention. you can only stare back, in a daze and gasping for air. 

the professor turns to you. 

“oh, wonderful! you must be mr. yang’s date to the ball!” 

as gasps fill the air, you almost collapse right then and there. 

“-jungwon’s date?” 

“does that mean they’re dating?”

“they have to be! did you see the way jungwon looked so worried when y/n didn’t show up?” 

amidst the mess, you find jungwon staring back at you with an apologetic gaze. as awkward as it is, you drag your feet over to your rightful spot next to him. while the professor goes over the details, you quietly apologize for being late. 

“i’m so sorry, i totally forgot what time you told me-“

“hey,” he interrupts, a hand reaching out to squeeze yours quickly. “it’s okay. at least you’re here now. that’s all that matters.“

curse jungwon for getting you into this mess and being so nice about it. you refocus on the task at hand, and as the words fill your ears, you feel the blood drain from your body. 

of course, the whole ball was about dancing. 

another thing you didn’t know about jungwon. he’s freaking good at everything. besides being smart, kind, attractive- you slap yourself once more- 

he’s also good at dancing? 

you can’t count the amount of times you had to apologize to jungwon that day, whether it be for stepping on his feet or literally existing. 

you shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly.  after that day of rehearsing, you couldn’t catch a break. 

you were still nursing your sore legs later when wonyoung quite literally attacks you in the courtyard. you were contentedly studying on a bench, papers in front of you. that is, until she practically leaps on you and makes all your notes blow off into the surrounding air. 

your lips purse into a thin line. what could it be now? 

“you’re dating yang jungwon?” 

your jaw drops as if she wasn’t just talking about you. 

“what did you just say?”

she grabs you by the shoulders, pupils blown. “it’s been spreading everywhere, y/n! why didn’t you tell me? or-“

her words fall on deaf ears as you stalk off with one mission in mind. 

it isn’t hard for you to find jungwon, you already knew what his next class was. but to see all the eyes on you as you drag him away and to the room of requirements for privacy was something else. 

jungwon doesn’t even get a word in as you force him to sit in an empty chair, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. 

“what is-“

“you tell me. what in the name of dumbledore is going on, jungwon?” you stare at him accusingly. 

when he avoids your eyes, you know your hunch is confirmed. 

"you see…”

“i see?” you prompt.

“all my friends kept teasing me about you… so i kinda forgot to mention that i asked you out on a whim, a-as a friend,” he manages to fumble out. 

it’s not hard for you to put two and two together. you pinch your nose bridge, “so you chickened out and said we were dating?” 

he visibly deflates. 

“yeah. basically.” 

you bite your lip, “but why would you do that? it’s not a bad thing for two people, who are friends, to go to the yule ball together. is it?” 

jungwon sighs and just says, “it would be embarrassing if my friends found out that i couldn’t find anyone and asked you randomly. literally i would never hear the end of it. i know already embarrassing enough for the both of us, and it’s all my fault, but can you please go along with it until the ball‘s over?”

you hesitate, and he stares at you with those pleading eyes again. curse yang jungwon. 

“we can just pretend for a short bit. it’ll be harmless, and after that we can just go back to normal.” 

harmless? normal? 

you weigh your options in your head. wouldn’t it be situation escalate even more if you denied the rumors after he confirmed them? maybe you should have thought about your answer more, but it was too late. 

“fine,” you exhale, “but you owe me a favor. history of magic tutoring because it’s literally the most boring class.” 

“o-of course. i really owe you one.” 

it was a long process coming up with a story. but surprisingly easier than you thought. 

“can’t we just say we were friends and then i asked you out?” jungwon frowns. 

you scoff, “really now? how realistic does that seem to you?”

he clears his throat. “fine. we’ll say that you asked me out and things just went on from there.” 

facing your friends was the hardest part. you had to give them the fake apologetic look and explain. 

“we wanted to keep it a secret at first. you know, since it was so new to us…” 

“you know, i’m honestly not that surprised. I could definitely picture you guys being together before anyone said anything,” haerin chimes in. 

you swallow your spit a little too harshly. before long, sounds of agreement fill the air and you actually want to transfigure into a fly and escape out the window. 

you let out a strained laugh, “really? i’m surprised.” 

wonyoung frowns, “i’m still mad you kept it from me but i have to agree. you guys look good together.” 

you splutter, “you haven’t even seen us together!” 

she shrugs innocently, “i’ve always been watching you two.” 

“creep.”

“whipped.” 

some ground rules were established between you and jungwon. rules never to be broken within your expected duration of (not) dating. 

first, no kissing, obviously. hand holding was fine, hugs were fine, just nothing too far. second, no cheesy nicknames (merlin’s beard, never). you settled on won for jungwon and he settled on- you pause- what did he settle on? after you suggested won, he seemed to be too preoccupied (with reddened ears) to focus on making one for you. 

third. walking to class together was necessary to keep the act up and study “dates” in the library (aka your side of the deal) were every thursday. 

“I think that settles it,” you glance at your list in satisfaction. 

“wait-” jungwon says abruptly before faltering. 

“what?” you glance at him curiously. “are we missing something?”

he mutters something under his breath and you lean in closer. 

“you can just say it,” you shake your head in amusement, “it’s not like this is a strict, by the book set of rules.” 

“clothes!” jungwon manages to get out, “like- don’t couples share clothes and stuff like that? but if you’re not comfortable with that-“ 

you fall silent. 

jungwon takes note of your lack of reaction and rubs his hands nervously. 

“o-or not, we don’t have to-“

“okay,” you say quietly, all of a sudden your fingers seemed much more interesting to look at than the boy in front of you. was it just you or did the room feel a bit too hot? 

you found jungwon’s scarf to be a bit big and a bit itchy, but comfortable. the first thing you noticed when you put it on was that it smelled like him. 

jungwon smiled softly, “it looks good on you.” 

you blink, almost feeling the soft material tug at your heartstrings. “oh. thanks.” 

“see you later at lunch,” he waves and you wave back with a soft smile.

besides the teasing from your friends, you found it to be quite nice- including the extra tutoring from smartie jungwon. 

“i don’t get it. who cares about who started the goblin rebellion of 1289?”

jungwon chuckles in amusement, “the professor does, that’s who. and you will too since your marks depend on it.”

you groan, planting your cheek on the wooden library table. habitually, jungwon pokes your cheek. 

“come on. we won’t finish until 12 if we stop now.”

you let out a muffled protest.

“y/l/nnnn-“ he drags out the last syllable. 

you turn your head so your cheek rests on the table, but you can still see him staring back at you with a fond expression. 

“don’t want to.” 

sighing, jungwon puts the textbook aside and puts his head down so he’s directly facing you. your breath hitches at the close proximity.

at this closeness, you can every speck of light in his eyes. the moles on his face, the eyebags that you’re sure you share as well. 

“i’ll make an excuse so you don’t have to attend the next dance lesson,” he says softly, and his breath tickles your cheek. 

“deal,” you whisper back. 

and yet neither one of you can seem to get up from your position. 

“you guys are sickeningly cute.” 

at this point, it was becoming a regular. after the shock of you and jungwon “dating” had subsided came the admirers and fans.

you laugh dryly, dropping jungwon’s hand and ignoring the look of confusion and protest he sends your way. to make up for it, you lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek.  only for a split second do you see the surprised look on his face before it’s wiped away with an easy smile. 

“see you later, won.” 

“bye, baby.” 

again, you pretend not to hear the cooing and awwing from your friends behind you. 

“you even have nicknames?” 

“he’s such a nice boyfriend to walk you to your classes.” 

you shift uncomfortably in your position. “yeah…” 

what was bad was that you had gotten a little too used to it- acting as a couple with jungwon. what was worse was that you were starting to like it. 

he comes to pick you up after class is over. and walk you to lunch. usually jungwon would drop you off at your designated seat with your friends and go to his friends, but today he was stopped by some third years. 

“hey prefect! could you help do my research paper for potions?” 

at the first sign of jungwon’s uneasiness, you frown. it wasn’t the first time you witnessed his stress and exhaustion of being a prefect- and simply a kind person. 

you knew he always tried to help out whenever he could. that was his duty, and his personal values. but the days spent observing him literally pulling his hair out over other people’s issues wasn’t making it any better. 

“excuse me,” you step out in front of jungwon, “but my boyfriend here isn’t your homework machine. he’s a human, and he’s perfectly willing to help you guys out- not do you work for you because of your laziness.” 

jungwon’s eyes widen, mouth opened to object, but you angrily take his hand and drag him out of the great hall to a quieter place. 

“y/n- you didn’t have to-“

“they were taking advantage of you. they always do. you have your own problems and those kids need to learn how to do things for themselves.” you were internally fuming and not about to hear jungwon defend them. 

“but it’s my job as-“

“i don’t care about your prefect duties, i care about you!” 

he freezes and your voice noticeably loses its strength, “you’re my friend. of course i care about you.” 

“yeah… right,” he manages to whisper before stalking away, leaving you alone and confused. 

you hadn’t seen jungwon in a while. it’s like he was personally avoiding you, but you had no idea why. 

he stopped walking you to class, showing up for tutoring on thursdays- completely and utterly avoiding you without a single word. 

you couldn’t even approach him, it’s like you didn’t even exist. you replayed that days events in your mind over and over, picking apart each and every interaction. 

what did you do? what did you say? 

“don’t worry, y/n. he’s just going through a tough time probably and wants to be alone. just give him time,” kazuha reassures you. 

wrong, you think bitterly but don’t voice your thoughts. jungwon wasn’t the type to do that, or so you believed. 

the yule ball was still coming up and now you had to practice dancing alone, rehearsing every step in the dark with an imaginary partner. 

you didn’t even know if you were still going with jungwon, but something in you made you feel obligated to at least get the moves down. if any tiny hope in you still said so. 

the day before the ball, one last practice, you thought you heard a sound but when you looked, there was no one. it was probably just your imagination hoping jungwon would show up out of nowhere. 

sweaty and breathless, you lay down in the middle of the ground. and let the sadness wash over you. 

“are you sure you’re not going?” 

you smile sadly, curling up tighter under your blue covers. “nah, i’m good.” 

“but-“

“really,” you insist, “i’ll join later.” 

as the door clicks shut and silent fills the room, you stare up at the highlighted ceiling, sprinkled with stars. stars alike the ones you saw in jungwon’s eyes. 

you rub a hand over your face, throwing the covers off you. 

screw it. 

you need to do this. 

scrambling out of the room with one heel on and the other untied, you hastily managed to dash over to the ballroom. soft music floated over through the doors, and you curse. 

were you too late for the introductory dance? 

releasing a heavy breath, you push past the doors and stumble to a halt. 

your eyes fall upon the familiar prefects positioned in the middle of the room, all students surrounding on the sides. 

and finally, you spot jungwon next to the dance professor. 

everyone’s eyes are on you, but for once you only seem to care about one person’s. 

the professor silently sighs in relief, 

“thank goodness. prefects and respective partners, take your places!”

blood rushing in your ears and adrenaline effectively coursing through your veins, you take each step carefully towards jungwon. 

he has an unreadable expression on his face, which makes your stomach churn. you take your positions as practiced, and your hand tingles when his touches yours. 

it’s silent at first, the period of waiting for the music to start, but once the music begins, jungwon speaks under his breath. 

“you look beautiful.” 

your heart skips a beat and slowly, your eyes flicker to his face. he doesn’t look at you, instead focusing on executing the moves perfectly. 

“you look handsome,” you whisper back. 

the dance proceeds smoothly in the beginning, as if you had practiced a hundred times. but nearing the end, you falter at one move and bite your lip, hoping not too many people noticed. 

“you’re doing good. three… four…”

you look eyes with him, surprised, and in that moment, your breath is taken away. time pauses and the music fades. everything else doesn’t matter in the moment, 

it’s only you and him.  

with jungwon’s encouragement, you’re able to finish the routine without another mistake. and when the dance ends and applause begins, you quickly take his hand before he can run away again, grip desperate. 

“can we please talk?” eyes pleading, he has no choice but to listen. 

finding an empty corridor, you face him on the other side, leaning against the wall. it’s completely silent, so you clench your fists. 

“could you explain why you ignored me for the past week? please explain what i did to you?”

“it doesn’t matter,” he shakes his head, “after today, we don’t have to do this anymore. everything i put you through will be over, because that’s what you want, right?” 

you groan in frustration. 

“who said i want that? what if i say i don’t want it to be over? what if i want answers from you so we can go back to how we were? fake lovers, real lovers, i don’t care! i can’t keep acting, i just want you back in my life,” your voice cracks at the end. 

his hands fall to his side. 

“what do you mean?” he responds shakily. you can barely see him in the darkness, so you take a few steps closer. 

“are you that dense? because i don’t think so.”

another step. 

you realized, and you knew. thursdays became your favorite day of the week. no, any day spent with jungeon was your favorite day. you had become too comfortable supposedly acting with him for all of it to be a lie. and it wasn’t. your feelings weren’t a lie. 

“i think i should be asking you that question.” 

you stop, head cocking to the side. 

“what-“

he pushes off from his spot on the wall, and you feel the action. blinking, you didn’t realize how close you had gotten. 

the newfound confidence seems to fade when jungwon fiddles with his tie, “i wouldn’t have asked you to be my date if i didn’t like you…” 

you clear your throat awkwardly, “so the whole you’re the first person i eyes on and was available was a lie?” 

“somewhat,” he defends himself, “i didn’t know what would happen, but you really were the first person that i was comfortable enough with to ask. it just so happened that i liked you as well. i dunno- things just happened and we got closer.”

“then why did you push me away?”

he sighs, “because i thought you didn’t feel the same way. i got too caught up in being your fake boyfriend so i tried to prepare myself to go back to the way we were before. just friends.” 

you lean in, just a barely. “but now we both know- that’s not what we want.” 

his face was just an inch apart. you could feel his nose tickle the side of your face. 

“what do you want?”

“this.” 

and you proceed to smash your lips on his.   

bonus :) 

“you’re just lucky that i practiced.”

“alone too,” you add with a fake dramatic turn of your head (jungwon internally melts at the sight of you acting like a little kid), “like a maniac in the ballroom during the wee hours of the night.” 

jungwon lets out a melodious laugh, squeezing your hand and sending you a guilty smile. 

“i know.” 

you straighten up, "excuse me?” 

“i saw you during patrol that night,” he explains, “technically no one is allowed there past hours, but i let you stay.”

you frown but suddenly gasp at the recollection, “it was you back then!”

he blushes. 

“you were watching me?”

“of course, i always was.” 

a/n ▸ hehe as a ravenclaw i had to do this :>

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Wowowowow! Soo good🥹 got me cryin buy in the best way possible lol💕

when I think of love (I think of you)

genre: soulmate au, college au, fluff and angst

pairing: yang jungwon x f reader

word count: 8.9k

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

There’s a word for it, something that’s whispered behind closed doors, shunned like a bad omen you can’t quite shake. 

Glitch. A cruel twist of fate. A failed soulmate match. 

Something you’ve been since the countdown on your wrist ticked to 00:00 two long years ago and left you just as lonely as ever. Something you’ve been fighting since destiny carved itself into your skin with a dull, lifeless shade of gray. 

But fate is a funny thing. And love, as you’ve learned, is often found in the most unexpected places. 

or, 

In which fate, in all its cruel, incandescent scheming, leads straight to Yang Jungwon. 

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

The overhead fluorescents in this particular lecture hall always manage to leave you with a pounding headache that even a strong dose of Advil can never quite seem to mitigate. 

“And with time, these bonds only strengthen, until a point is reached in which both parties would experience immense pain were they to be separated, willingly or not.” Well, it’s either the lightbulbs or the sound of your professor’s droning. Today, his words are slightly muted where they reach your ears, as if you’re hearing them underwater. It’s information you should be taking in, or at the very least be taking note of since it’s sure to appear in course content later on, but you can’t get your mind to cooperate.

Intro to Soulmate Theory. An absolute joke of a class. The very foundation your society is built around. A nagging reminder of the deficiency that stains your left wrist. 

Unwittingly, you tug your sleeve down further. There’s no need, not really. You made sure it covered the mark fully before you left your dorm this morning. Just like every morning. But long standing habits are rarely broken, and the last thing you need now is yet another reminder of what makes you different, what makes you wrong.  

But there’s little time to ponder this particularly cruel stroke of fate before your professor is pushing forward, unconcerned with the fact that his students may be affected by his lecture on more than an academic level. 

“As per the syllabus, you’ll be completing projects with an assigned partner on a topic of your choice. I encourage you to use a wide variety of resources to reflect and encompass several points of view and ideas surrounding soulmate theory.” 

Several points of view. Yeah, right. In your experience, any arguments against the traditional soulmate model have been met with nothing short of anger and ridicule. 

Although it makes for a frustrating life, it makes for a simplistic assignment. No matter how incompetent your assigned partner, you’re sure it will be easy enough to meet up once or twice and regurgitate common sentiment on how the soulmate system is nothing short of a wondrous gift to humanity. 

Glancing at the clock one last time, you silently thank whatever cosmic forces caused your professor to wrap up class fifteen minutes early. You’ll have enough time to grab a coffee before your shift. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you slide your laptop into your bag before standing up from your seat. No matter what bullshit this particular class dragged you through, today will be a good day. You’re sure of it. 

With one final scan of your area, you head to the front door of the room without a glance back. 

In the very back corner of the lecture hall, tucked neatly out of both sight and mind, Yang Jungwon exhales a long sigh before gathering his things. 

…

“Oh, you are an absolute goddess.” 

Playful frown tugging at your lips, you ask “Why is it that you only praise me when I come bearing gifts?”

Alina takes a moment to respond, too engrossed in the matcha latte you just handed her to concern herself with your question. 

Despite her inclination to only offer compliments as payment for caffeine, she’s hands down your favorite coworker. With Alina, even the slowest of shifts have a way of passing quickly with lots of laughs to fill the silence. 

Sliding into your seat next to her, you turn on your desk computer. “Any new applications to process today?”

“Nothing yet,” Alina glances at the empty inbox to confirm her answer. “This time of year is usually fairly slow. We tend to get more applications at the beginning of the semester and around the holidays.”

“Right.” You nod. “That makes sense.” Times when people are new to campus. And times when people are lonely. 

You had been the latter when you submitted your application. Last year was your first year of university, and although the writing on your wrist had already faded to black by the time you enrolled, living on campus meant you were away from your family and friends for the first time. 

You pushed it off as long as you could. It hurt something in you, pride perhaps, to seek help from the Student Support Center over something that you’d been grieving in private for the better part of a year. 

But loneliness is what finally did it, what finally pushed you to seek support from the university for your condition. For the permanent reminder of cosmic cruelty etched into the soft skin of your left wrist. 

For the second time in the span of an hour, you find yourself tugging at your sleeve. 

You suppose it’s the same thing—injured pride, a deep sense of shame, that has you wearing long sleeves even in the summertime. It’s not like you’re unfamiliar with the failure etched into your skin. You know what you’d find if you looked. A matte gray 00:00. A reminder of what could’ve been, what should’ve been. 

You remember when there was a different number displayed there, one that got smaller and smaller with each passing second. One that glowed a bright, glossy red instead of the dull, lifeless gray it is now. 

Just like everyone else, you’d been born with red numbers on your left wrist. There was no sign then, at your birth, that you were different, that you were a glitch. 

Just like your family, just like your friends, just like your classmates, your number was normal, albeit a bit smaller than most. 

As a child, you’d reveled in it—the comparative smallness of your countdown. It wasn’t unusual for people to have to wait well into their twenties or even their thirties to find their soulmates. But a quick calculation revealed that your countdown would tick to 00:00 just after your seventeenth birthday. 

It feels stupid now, like some sort of cruel joke, that you ever thought yourself lucky. 

Because two years ago, with just seconds to go, you had been waiting in a park close to your school. It was that cosmic energy again, that divine sense of something, that told you this particular park was where your life was destined to change, where you were going to meet your fated soulmate. 

Like everyone else, your timer had run out, and he was there. Handsome and a year or two older than you, if you had to guess. A perfect stranger that you felt like you already knew. A soulmate destined only for you. 

But unlike everyone else, your completed countdown, that ever coveted 00:00, didn’t transform into a glossy, shiny deep violet that signified the successful completion of a soulmate match. 

No, instead it had turned to the same faded gray that mocks you now. 

Confused, your brow drew together as you locked eyes with the man that was supposed to be a culmination of everything clicking into place. 

At a second glance, the wrongness of it all began to sink in. The way he walked toward you with slow, reluctant steps. The way his mouth pulled tight at the corners like he wanted to prevent any words from escaping. 

The wedding ring wrapped around the finger on his left hand that you thought would belong to you. 

It was an accident, he told you. A drunken mistake between him and a girl he met at university. One he wasn’t serious about, but damage had been done nevertheless. A single night that was meant to be a blip, a passing moment in time, but turned into a child. One that the two of them decided to raise together. 

A child that had them both decide to forgo the fate written on their wrists and forge a new life of their own. 

It hurt, he told you, to see you, to know that he was causing you pain. 

But his mind was made up and you knew better than to plead with a man who had fought and forsaken destiny itself. 

It wasn’t your fault. He’d told you that day, and you’ve heard it countless times since then. From your parents. From your closest friends. From your own tear-stained reflection in your bedroom mirror. 

But blame with nowhere to go always had a way of ending up on your shoulders, and reassurances never stopped you from pondering possibilities on sleepless nights. 

What if we had met sooner? What if he never met her? What if they never had a child?

In the end, it was pointless. Fate had been written and rewritten. The stars had aligned and shifted and still remained terribly out of reach. There was nothing you could do, nothing to be done. 

But it didn’t stop the loneliness from seeping in. It was loudest during the quiet moments, but it never truly left. It didn’t matter where you were—in class, with friends, surrounded by people, or completely alone. There was always an overwhelming sense of loss, of loneliness that followed where you went. 

And when the burden of it all felt too heavy, you’d bitten the bullet and applied to your university's support program for glitches, although none of the staff dared to use that word. 

It’s where you’d met Alina. And although she had a bright red number still ticking evenly on her wrist, she’d had a friend who shared your fate. Who let the loneliness consume her instead of accepting help. 

Even if it wasn’t through firsthand experience, Alina knew the pain of failed matches intimately. After a handful of weeks, you’d found genuine friendship in her and she was the one to recommend you for a job on the support team. 

You’re grateful beyond words for her, for all of it. For the people and the friendships and the moments that remind you life is worth living, even on the hard days. 

So you’ll take her compliments with a smile, even when they come at the expense of a matcha latte from her favorite campus cafe. You’ll take the hard days and the good days and all the little moments in between, and at the end of it all, you’re confident there will always be something to smile about, even when your heart feels so heavy you’re afraid it might sink right out of your chest. 

“The matcha’s good?” You ask, even though you know the answer. And if you didn’t, it would be apparent from the fact that it’s already half gone. 

But something in you still smiles, still feels a little lighter when Alina turns to you with a grin and says, “of course.”

…

If there’s one place you still find it difficult to extend optimism towards, it’s your damn Intro to Soulmate Theory course. Although an important element of sociology and objectively relevant, it does more to remind you of your abnormality than just about anything else. 

Thankfully, your professor’s cadence is beginning to slow, a surefire signal that class is wrapping up. You glance up at the clock. Could you really be so lucky as to get out early two classes in a row?

At the front of the lecture hall, your professor peruses his notes one final time. It’s all you can do to suppress a groan when he starts speaking again, and not to dismiss you.

“Before we end for the day, as I mentioned last class, you’ll be completing your next assignment in partners. The instructions, rubric, and due date can all be found on the syllabus, and you’re welcome to email me or attend office hours with any additional questions you may have. I’ve already taken the initiative to pair you, so please listen for your name.

“Kim Sunoo and Lee Heeseung.”

As he moves through the seemingly endless list of names, you begin to tune out. Have there always been this many people in this class?

When you finally hear your name, your attention snaps back into focus. 

“... and Yang Jungwon.”

Yang Jungwon. 

It’s a name you’ve heard in passing, maybe, but he’s not someone you’re familiar with. Standing, you begin to look around the hall. You figure it might be easiest to exchange information now, but if you can’t find him, you could always look up his email on the class list later.

Ultimately, it’s him who finds you.

“___?” At the sound of your name, you turn to face him. Dark hair and eyes, you’re surprised you don’t recognize him more. As it turns out, Yang Jungwon has the kind of face that makes you want to keep looking. The kind of face you’d search a crowd for. 

“Yeah,” you affirm, somewhat breathless. “Yang Jungwon?”

“Just Jungwon is fine.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Do you want to go ahead and exchange information? I get my final training schedule later today, so I can message you when I have a better idea of when I’ll be able to meet up.”

“That sounds good.” Nodding, you hand over your phone for him to input his information. As he types, you watch a strand of hair fall over his eyes. “Training schedule? Are you an athlete?”

If he’s put off by your probing, he doesn’t show it. “Mhm,” he nods. “Taekwondo team.”

“That’s cool.” Accepting your phone back, you type your name into the newly created chat. “Here, I’ll send you a message so you have my information too. I work in the afternoons, but I have a pretty consistent schedule. Once you have your training times, we can figure out when we’re both free.” 

Checking the message that comes through with a ding, Jungwon nods. “Perfect.” He hikes his bag further up on his shoulder, pausing for a moment before turning his gaze towards the door that the rest of the class is heading towards. “I’ll see you around, then,” he says before turning to do the same. 

And if you let your gaze linger just a little too long on his retreating back, you’ll be grateful that no one is paying you enough attention to notice.

…

Dinner cleaned up, skincare completed, and the events from the day blurring into a sleepy haze is when his first message reaches you. 

9:36pm Yang Jungwon I got my final training schedule. Looks like I should be free Tuesday and Thursday afternoons after 4 if that works for you?

Double checking your work schedule, you type a reply. 

9:38pm You I work on Tuesdays until 6 but I can do Thursday at 4. 

9:39pm Yang Jungwon Let’s plan on Thursday then 👍 Meet you at the library? I’ll reserve a study room on the first floor. 

9:40pm You Sounds good, see you then!

With the semester well underway, Thursday is quick to roll around. A handful of minutes before four finds you wandering through the first floor of the library, working to locate the study room Jungwon texted you the number of earlier. 

After a minute of searching, you find it, half surprised that he’s arrived even earlier than you. 

Early and straight from practice, you assume, if the still drying strands of hair that indicate a recent shower are anything to go by. 

“Good call on the study room,” you add after your initial greetings. “I always forget how packed the library is once the semester really gets going.” 

“Right?” Jungwon agrees. “I have a friend who swore by them last year, and now I’ll never go back.”

“Sharing the study room secret?” You grin. “That’s a true friend right there.” 

“Yeah,” something softens in Jungwon’s gaze, a distinct fondness in his eyes that tells you he’s thinking of more than just study rooms. “He is.” 

“So,” you continue, not wanting to waste time getting started. “I glanced over the instructions on the syllabus, and it seems pretty straightforward.” Switching to the open tab with the syllabus, you confirm. “Looks like we just need to pick a topic in soulmate theory with some kind of recent research developments and explain why the new research is significant and how it has changed, challenged, or confirmed existing theory.” 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you force yourself into the familiar state of detachment you always revert to when discussing this particular topic. 

“I don’t know if you have a topic in mind already,” you shrug. “I’m pretty much open to anything.”

He pauses for a moment before answering. “What about—” Dropping his thought into silence, Jungwon seems to reconsider. “Never mind.”

“Is there something you’re interested in?” 

“No.” Jungwon shakes his head. “I doubt there would be any recent research, anyway.”

“Okay.” Part of you wants to push further, but you don’t want to make him uncomfortable. “I just looked up some recent research topics, and it looks like there’s been some more development in theory related to countdown colors and location-based soulmate matches.” Ignoring the way the gray on your wrist suddenly seems like the most prominent thing in the room, you mold your voice into an even tone. “Do either of those sound interesting to you?”

He considers for a moment. “Maybe location-based matches?”

Releasing a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, you nod. “That sounds good to me.” Turning back to your computer, you add, “Let’s both find a few publications to reference and then we can take notes on them before we meet up next week. The final paper is due in four weeks, so we can outline next week and then start the actual writing.”

“Yeah,” Jungwon agrees, “that works for me.”

In the minutes that follow, a silence settles around you. It’s not horribly awkward, but part of you is still itching to fill it with something. 

Finally, you bite the bullet. “Would it be okay with you if I put some music on? Just something instrumental.”

“Sure,” Jungwon nods. 

Grateful, you open your study playlist and begin it on shuffle. The first notes play out, an easy piano melody that cuts through some of the stagnance. 

A handful of songs and journal articles later, Jungwon breaks the rhythm. “Clair de Lune.” A small smile turns the corners of his lips up. “This is on my study playlist too.”

You offer a small smile in return. “You like this song?”

“Yeah.” He nods. The quiet melody sings through the air, floats around tentative glances, delicate breaths. Lands lightly on two sets of shoulders. “You know, you’re better than me. I always end up turning on my regular playlist and then singing along to the songs instead of actually working on anything.”

That earns him a full blown smile. “Believe me, I do that more than I probably should, too.”

A shared grin later, the two of you are back to your own laptop screens. 

Despite the fact that you don’t switch your playlist, you find yourself distracted for the rest of the session. Not by the music, but by the fact that it’s all too easy to picture Jungwon in the comfort of his dorm, headphones on as he sings along with whatever’s playing in his ears, forgotten assignments scattered across the desk in front of him. 

…

Despite your newfound fondness of your project partner, you have a feeling that Intro to Soulmate Theory will continue to be your most dreaded class until the end of the semester releases you from its twice-a-week morning monotony. 

Life seems determined to prove you wrong, though, because just as the professor is settling into his position behind the podium, a body slides into the usually empty seat on your left. 

Startled, you glance up. 

“Jungwon?”

“Hey,” he smiles. “I’m glad I made it on time. I thought for sure I’d be late.” 

He finishes settling into his new seat before sliding something onto your desk. “I brought this for you, by the way.”

Eyes catching on the iced coffee in front of you, you try to do anything but balk. 

“I noticed you have one sometimes in this class. I wasn’t sure what your order was, so I had to guess based on color. And I mean, light brown can be just about anything with iced coffee, so I hope you like it.”

“I—thank you.” The fondness in you swells. For just a moment, it feels like something bigger, something more. Something you haven’t felt since… Since an afternoon you’ve worked hard on forgetting for a long time. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Jungwon shrugs.”I was stopping by the cafe anyway.” He gestures to the coffee on his desk. “Besides, it’s what a partner’s for.” 

“Well thank you,” you repeat. “I—” Whatever you’re about to say is interrupted by the beginning of the lecture. 

You’re not sure if it’s the caffeine or the boy at your side, but something has today’s lecture flying by. You’re not sure if you’ve even blinked once before the professor is dismissing you for the day and you leave Jungwon with an unfamiliar lightness in your heart and a promise to see each other on Thursday.

…

Thursday afternoon finds the pair of you back in the same study room, laptops open and project outline halfway formed. 

This time, the drinks on the table in front of you are courtesy of your wallet. It’s too soon to say for sure, but you have the feeling a tradition of sorts may be blooming. 

You can’t say that you mind. It’s nice to have something to look forward to, to have someone to share it with. It doesn’t matter if it’s small, if it’s nothing but an unexpected coffee to make a study session pass just a bit faster. It feels nice. It feels… special. 

The same instrumental study playlist filtering through your laptop speaker, you both share a small smile when Clair de Lune begins to play. 

It’s pleasant, you realize. A project that you were dreading has become something you look forward to, and you’re sure it’s because of him. 

Despite the fact that you’re poring over research that would sting like a slap in the face under any other circumstance, Jungwon’s presence soothes the ache, keeps the reminders of a fate lost to time and circumstances at bay just by occupying the seat next to you. 

You’re not sure what it is, not sure why it seems to reach you somewhere that’s remained untouched for years, but the more time you spend with him, the more you start to like it. 

That odd sensation that almost feels like butterflies in your stomach. The stilted rhythm of a heartbeat that almost feels like it’s running a little faster. That warmth that sits high on your cheekbones almost like a flustered blush whenever he catches your eye for a little too long. 

A million little almosts. A million little possibilities. A million little somethings you thought ended with the dead countdown on your wrist two years ago. 

You don’t let yourself voice these thoughts, don’t even let your mind linger on the connection for too long. 

If it does, it will twist and tarnish whatever is taking flight into something ugly, something rotten. Will convince you that your happiness is borrowed, that it will only come back in the form of future misery. 

That the semester will end, the class will wrap up, the project will be submitted. 

Yang Jungwon will be nothing but a moment in time. A blip on a radar. Time will continue on with its incessant march and the countdown on your wrist will remain unchanged. 

That it doesn’t matter how many almosts the two of you share. Your fate was written in the stars and unraveled by a man who didn’t want you. 

You’re a failure. A glitch. 

Pretty words and sideways glances and unexpected gestures of kindness won’t change that. 

Yang Jungwon will move on from this project, from this class, from you. 

His countdown will keep ticking if it hasn’t turned to a shiny violet yet, and you will be nothing but a forgotten memory. 

You’re not sure why it’s so upsetting in this moment, this series of truths that have been both apparent and unavoidable since you first made eye contact with Jungwon. But something about the way they swirl in your mind now has you desperate for air, for space. 

You try to offer some halfhearted excuse about stepping out for a moment, and you barely note the concern that flickers across Jungwon’s features in your panic induced stupor. 

You hear your name. Hear it followed by the gentle question, “Are you okay?” 

But it’s muffled. It’s all wrong. 

In your haste to escape, you knock over the gift, your gesture of goodwill in the form of the coffee you brought Jungwon. 

You watch, horrified, as it seems to fall in slow motion, hot, dark liquid spilling over the table. 

“It’s okay,” you think you hear him say. But it’s not. It’s not. 

He reaches for his bag, pulling out a handful of napkins. Instinctively, he rolls up his sleeves to wipe up the excess liquid. 

And that’s when you notice it. The inky 00:00 on the inside of his left wrist. 

It’s not violet. It’s not shiny. It’s a dull, muted, lifeless gray. 

A reflection, a twin, a copy of your own. 

His eyes fall to the same spot as your own, and he’s pulling his sleeve down just as quickly as he rolled it up. But it’s too late. You’ve already seen. 

Shared pain. Shared shame. 

It grounds you. Reaching out a hand, you take a handful of napkins off the top of the pile. 

“Here,” you offer, voice unbearably small. “I can help.” Hollow words and a hollow sentiment. As luck would have it, spilled coffee is the least of your shared concerns. 

Nonetheless, the two of you wipe up the remainder of the spill in silence, a gentle piano melody weaving its way around the silence, wrapping itself around both of your wrists, threading an invisible string between two lost souls, two shared fates. 

“It didn’t get on your computer, did it?”

“No,” Jungwon shakes his head, reaching out his hand to grab the soiled napkins from you before discarding them in the trash can. “Just the table.”

“That’s good.” A moment passes. Two. “I’m sorry.” You’re not sure what you’re apologizing for, what you should be apologizing for, but you take the easy way out. “I should have paid better attention to where your cup was. You can finish mine, if you want.”

“It’s okay.” Running a hand through his hair, he adds, “I usually only drink it hot.”

“I can get you a new one—”

“Really, it’s okay.”

And it is. You can tell that he’s not upset, not about the coffee. But the tension is still there. 

You saw it. You have the sinking suspicion that he knows you saw it. 

And you’re at a crossroads. You can act as if nothing happened, pretend that you saw nothing and return to your half finished project outline. 

But you’ve had friends and family tiptoe around you, and it never left you feeling anything but more empty, more unwanted, more of an anomaly. 

You don’t want Jungwon to feel those things. So you try your best, in a steady voice, hiding the shake in your hands underneath the cover of the table. 

“You know,” you nod towards his arm, taking care to keep any signs of judgment clear from your voice. “I actually work at the Student Support Center. I know it’s rare, but there’s a whole department dedicated to helping people that… struggle with soulm—”

“I think we should just work on the project.” Jungwon is tight lipped where he avoids your gaze. The way he tugs on his sleeves has you wanting to press matters further, to push just a little further until he knows that he has you on his side, but you’ll respect his wishes. The last thing you want is to increase his discomfort, and you have the feeling you’ve already done just that. 

“Okay, yeah.” You take a deep inhale. “I overstepped. I’m sor—”

But Jungwon just shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.” 

…

But you do. 

You worry about it when you head home for the evening, accidentally leaving the oven on long after your dinner is finished cooking. 

You worry about it as you try to fall asleep, unsettled by thoughts of Jungwon suffering the same pain, the same shame you’ve been hiding the last two years. 

You worry about it when you arrive at class the next day, two coffees in hand. 

Your worry turns to dread when Jungwon never comes, coffee going cold where it sits untouched on your desk.

You worry when you arrive at work, the handful of messages you’ve sent still unanswered no matter how many times you check your phone. 

10:47am You Hi Jungwon, sorry if this is annoying but you weren’t in class today and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay

10:58am You I’m really sorry about the other day at the library. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

1:32pm You Hey let me know when you see this. I just really want to make sure you’re okay. 

You’ve typed and deleted a million more, unsure of how to best approach the situation. You don’t even know if he considers you friends, really. 

Your shift passes in a blur until Alina asks if you’d be up to pull a double, since someone on the evening shift called out sick. 

Usually you’d be hesitant, but right now you’re desperate for any sort of distraction and agreeing comes easy. 

But you’ve forgotten one key thing. In your old schedule, evening shifts were always your favorites. Primarily because they’re significantly  slower than the rest. Most students preferred to schedule their visits during the day, which left you with plenty of time to catch up on assignments between tasks. 

It’s an especially slow night tonight, the near torrential downpour tearing through the campus an added deterrent to anyone wanting to venture outdoors. Unfortunately, this only leaves you with more time to ruminate over Jungwon, whose name has yet to light up your phone screen. 

You wish you knew more about him. Wish you knew who his friends were so you could reach out to one of them to check in on him. 

You’re halfway convinced you should just go through everyone on your class list and send emails until someone knows something when the sound of a bell chimes out, signaling the opening of the center’s front door. Peering over your computer, you squint, trying to make out the person who’s just entered. 

As they draw nearer, a familiar form begins to solidify. 

“Jungwon?” You brow furrows in confusion as you stand up out of your seat. A million emotions flicker through your mind. Annoyance that he’s been avoiding you and your messages. Confusion as to why he’s here. Above it all, relief that he seems to be okay.

 But then you take him in fully. 

He’s absolutely soaked, down to the bone, rain matted hair falling over his eyes while his clothes cling a little closer to his frame with the added weight of precipitation. There’s a frantic look in his eye, a panic that you recognize all too well. 

“Jungwon,” you repeat, letting your strides eat up the group as you close the distance that still separates you. He’s shaking, you realize, once your hands reach up to smooth some of the hair away from his eyes. Trembling like a leaf and dripping onto the floor. He still can’t match your gaze, still has yet to breathe a single word to you. 

“You’re shaking.” You can’t help but point out the obvious. With determined movements, you reach for his hand, finding no resistance as you envelop it in your own. Tugging slightly, you pull him into a nearby room, stopping only to grab a warm blanket and to begin brewing a warm cup of tea. After a moment, you wordlessly offer him both. 

A million questions bubble in your throat. You breathe life into none of them. Silence settles around the both of you. Not entirely unpleasant, but brimming with something heavy.

“I just,” he finally breathes and you feel your heart clench in your chest. Seize like his pain is your own. “I couldn’t be alone.” There’s a tremble in his breath when he adds, “Not tonight.”

“You’re not.” You shake your head, drawing closer as you take a seat to his right. “I promise you. You’re not alone.” 

And you won’t let him be. Not after the time for your shift to end comes and goes. Not when the sun starts to peek its head over the horizon, painting the sky in the pastel watercolors of a new day. 

You don’t move until he does. Until he asks in a small voice if you’ll meet him in an hour at the coffee shop you now both frequent. 

Until you honor his request with a nod and a promise to see him again soon. 

…

The coffee shop is mostly empty this early in the morning. The corner table the two of you occupy feels private, secluded. A place fitting for revelations. 

Jungwon begins all at once, coffee warm between his hands. 

His match was supposed to be in a park, too. 

It’s interesting—the research you’ve been reading supports claims that soulmate bonds tend to prefer open air, areas surrounded by nature. 

Jungwon’s fate was set in stone later than yours, only a year ago today. Shared fate. Shared pain. Shared shame. 

A park, his favorite one. A place he went often, a place he loved. He hasn’t been back since. 

Not when that eerie, cosmic, magnetic pull of destiny tugged at him until he was sitting on a bench, next to the rose garden in full bloom. 

Not when his breath stopped the second she arrived, not when he knew, he knew it was her. His destiny. His soulmate. 

Not when he stood up to greet her, to meet his future with a wide smile and open arms just as the numbers on his wrist drew closer and closer to zero. 

Not when he watched, with a distinct sort of dread building in the pit of his stomach, as someone on the opposite side of the garden emerged. Not when time ticked on, revealing with every steady second that this stranger had the same intentions, the same plan, the same countdown, the same fate. 

Not when he watched this stranger meet her first. 

Not when he watched in abject horror as smiles lit up both of their faces. 

Not when he looked down at his own wrist, vision blurred through the onset of tears, as the bright, ruby red faded to gray instead of the violet it was meant to be. 

Not when he was a failure, a miscalculation, an unfortunate needle in a haystack of perfection, of success stories. A glitch. 

Not when he watched the love of his life fall into the arms of another man and leave him. Alone. Lonely. Forgotten. 

Even now, in the seat across from yours, you can see the toll it takes on him. 

So you reach for comfort in the only way you know how, in the unique twist of fate that led two unlucky circumstances to cross unlikely paths. 

Laying your left arm on the table, you pull the end of your sleeve up. 

It’s not a lot. But for now, it’s enough. 

…

There’s an odd sort of balance, a sense of comfort that comes with understanding and being understood. It’s not like before, but you and Jungwon fall into a new kind of easy rhythm. One that both understands the most intimate pain and shame of the other while still keeping them at an arm’s distance. 

It’s not solace. But it’s something. 

You’re off tiptoes and on solid ground. And when you meet Jungwon for your next Thursday study session, there’s a new kind of fire in his eyes. 

“I think we should switch our project topic.”

It takes a concentrated effort not to spit out the drink of water you just took. “What?” At this point, your outline is finished and you’re well into writing your report. The thought of redoing all that work with a week and a half to go is nearly unbearable. “Why?”

He doesn’t falter. “I think we should do our project on glitches.”

You recoil as if you’ve been slapped. 

Glitch. It’s a word people tiptoe around, whisper behind closed doors. Not meant for respectable society and certainly not in a university research paper. 

You don’t even need a second to consider. “No.”

“What?” It’s Jungwon’s turn to look surprised. “Why? I mean, we’re both—”

“I said no.” The shock on his face has you supplementing. “Look, I’m just not comfortable with it. Besides, we’ve done so much work on this topic already. It doesn’t make sense to switch.”

Only a fraction of what you’ve said seems to resonate. “Not… comfortable,” he echoes, twisting the words like they’re indecipherable. 

He doesn’t continue, but you can sense the urge to press further in the tense set of his shoulders. It’s a sensitive subject made even more so by the way he tiptoes around it.

“I can tell you have something else to say.” Annoyance creeps in, like an old friend, like a dangerous reminder. 

“It’s nothing.” Jungwon shakes his head. “I guess I just don’t…” He trails off for a moment. “How can you not be comfortable? I mean, you’re a glitch like me. Aren’t you curious at all? About why we glitched? If there’s anything we can do to fix it?”

And there it is. The lingering fear you’ve been working for two years to overcome. The deep seated insecurity that it’s your fault. That something is fundamentally wrong with you. “Fix me, you mean.”

“I mean, I guess you could look at it that way, but I’m more curious about what kind of solutions there are. I did some research the other day, actually, and there’s this one scholar who thinks that all glitches happen for a reason, that you can still meet your soulmate and get your countdown to turn violet if—”

“Stop!” Your voice is too loud for the small room. “Please,” it’s a whisper now, but somehow just as poignant. “Just stop.”

The crease doesn’t leave his brow. He still doesn’t get it, and he tells you as much. “I don’t understand why you’re so against it. I mean, we finally have a chance to look into why we gli—”

“I said, stop.”

Jungwon looks as if you’ve slapped him. Dumped ice cold water over his head and left him out to dry. There’s an accusation in his words when he says, “I thought you would understand.” And you do. You know how flowers wither when they go without water. You know how love blossoms and blooms and dies all within the span of a single breath. You know what it feels like to have a constant reminder of your most intimate pain seared into your skin, your soul. 

He won’t match your eye. Just aims for the heart instead. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who understands. Who knows what it’s like. To lose the only thing in life that really matters.” Jungwon’s voice is small, but it’s teeming with frustration, with anger. There’s an unmistakable fury in his eyes when he finally lets his gaze fall on yours. But where he expects to find an apology, or perhaps some sort of agreement, he is met only with a fury to rival his own. 

“Fuck you.” It’s barely decipherable under your breath, but he catches it, even if just barely. 

“What?”

“I said fuck you, Jungwon. How dare you. You think you’re the only one that’s ever been hurt, that you’re the only person that this stupid fucking system screwed over?” And now your anger is rising, ebbing and flowing like waves against a shore, weathering over all the sharp pieces and jagged edges that time hasn’t yet managed to erode. Spilling over onto the table like his forgotten coffee from weeks ago.

“Why do you think I work at the support center? Why do you think you’ve never seen me in a short sleeve shirt?”

You’re angry and you’re hurting and you understand his pain. Feel it reflected in your own, under your skin like an itch you can’t scratch, an ache you can’t get rid of. You don’t know why he wouldn’t just listen to you. 

“At least you get to wonder what might have happened.” You don’t mean to do it, to throw his hurt back in his face. To compare pain, to stack your scars against each other and measure them like there’s a winner and a loser in this game. “I met my soulmate. I met him and talked to him and fell in love with him and he still didn’t want me. It doesn’t matter what some scholar says. You can’t fucking fix that.”

You’re halfway to the door before you can find it in yourself to add, “You’re hurting and you’re lonely and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You don’t deserve that pain and you never will. But I refuse to do this again, to spend the rest of my life thinking there’s something wrong with me, that it’s my fault, that I can fix myself if I just try hard enough. My match glitched. I’m a glitch. But I refuse to let that be the only thing I am.”

The door shuts behind you too loud. Your footsteps feel too heavy as they eat up the ground between you and the library entrance. The air feels too cold as you walk back to your dorm. 

The silence is too loud as you sit alone in it. 

And the mark on your wrist is too gray no matter how you look at it. 

…

Jungwon is antsy. Even with the space of a day between him and your argument, he’s brimming with a sort of uncontained energy that will only spell trouble if he doesn’t find a way to clear his head. He needs to talk, needs to process, but he’s not sure who to go to, who to talk to. 

It’s then that he comes to the startling realization that under any other circumstance, the person he’d want to reach out to, to spill his hearts and guts out to, is you. 

It’s been weeks, a handful of days, a smattering of hours, since you became a name in his mind. A person with an identity outside of the pretty girl that sits in the sixth row of the lecture hall, and yet. 

And yet. 

He’s suddenly overcome with the urge to reach for his phone, to send a message, make a phone call that would land home. But that’s where his better judgment catches up. 

Because he’s not sure what he’d say. An apology is in order, surely. He still sees the way pain etched itself into your features, the way your shoulders caved in at his suggestion for a topic change. 

He’s not sure if it’s something that can be remedied with words, but he is certain he never wants to see that look on your face again. 

An apology it is, then. But for what? And why?

If he’s honest with himself, he still doesn’t understand. 

So he lets his confusion carry him to the only place he thinks he might find an answer. 

The girl smiles, a generic greeting falling from her lips before she looks up at the sound of the bell over the door ringing, signaling a visitor. 

Alina, it must be, if your descriptions are anything to go by. Another person that Jungwon’s become familiar with in the past few weeks, albeit only through secondhand accounts. 

And you must have done the same for him, because she’s quick to make the shock that flickers over her features with something careful, guarded. 

“Hi,” she says then, standing from her seat. “I’m Alina.” She looks him over one more time, something akin to a sigh escaping. “You must be Jungwon.”

Alina, as it turns out, is surprisingly easy to talk to. He understands why you like her so much. 

In a matter of minutes, an account of your last library session has been reconstructed, laid bare in front of eyes that know you best. 

Alina is silent for a moment, turning over arguments from an invisible debate in her mind. Finally, she says, “It’s not my story to tell.” He figured as much. “But I think she would, if you asked.”

Jungwon nods. It’s permission. From an indirect source maybe, but hope flutters through his chest all the same. 

There’s a pause before she speaks again. “What I can say is that she’s done a lot of work to move on. To find meaning in her life outside of the number on her wrist. To stop feeling… incomplete, like a problem to be solved.”

And I threw those fears back in her face. 

The despair must play out on his features, because Alina is gentle when she says, “I won’t pretend to know what it’s like, but I do know how it feels to grieve for what could have been. It’s easier sometimes, I think, to let that consume you. To spend your life trying to get as close to that lost future as you can, even though you know it will never be quite right. Even though you know you’re chasing ghosts.”

Alina folds her hands across her lap, lacing her fingers together. 

“She made the decision to let those ghosts rest, to let that part of her life go. To find something else worth living for instead. For the small moments, maybe. For joy, for love. All those things that she still gets to feel.” That you still get to feel. Alina doesn’t say it, but Jungwon hears it all the same. “Those things that nothing, not even fate, gets to take away.”

Jungwon glances at his wrist. It’s covered, but he can feel the weight of it, of the gray numbers that he knows, deep down, will never fade. Will never change. 

And for the first time in a long time, they don’t feel so heavy. 

“I… Thank you.” For telling him. For helping you. For being here. “For all of it.”

“Of course.” Alina smiles. Lets her fingers fall to her sides as she stands, brushing invisible dust off of her lap. “Joy is even better when it’s shared, no?”

Joy is even better when it’s shared. 

For the first time in a long time, Jungwon smiles. A real smile, a face-splitting, uncontrollably wide smile. One that reaches all the way to his eyes. 

It’s still there when he’s walking back to his dorm, when he sits down at his desk, when he turns on the last playlist he was listening to earlier just for something to fill the silence. 

After a handful of moments, a familiar melody lilts through his speaker. 

Clair de Lune. 

Looking at the computer in front of him, he thinks fate just might be a tangible thing. 

He feels it in his throat first and then the base of his nose. That telltale sting that comes at the first sign of tears. 

He lets it. Lets them fall. Hard, long sobs that wrack his body and leave him gasping for air. Sorrow and grief and anger and joy all tangled together in one. 

Because Jungwon is done mourning himself, the ghost of a life that has haunted him for the last year. The weight of possibilities that time cannot undo, that sheer will alone cannot change. 

Joy is even better when it’s shared. 

And he thinks he’ll start with himself. 

…

The unexpected knock on your front door comes just too late at night for you to feel entirely comfortable opening it on your own. Footsteps padding as silently as possible towards the entrance, you run through the short list of people you think could possibly be at your dorm at this hour and come up blank. 

Against your better judgment, you undo the latch, opening the door slowly like that will somehow deter any unwanted visitors. 

The sliver of space reveals not a threat, but someone that has your brow pulling downwards, relief quickly replaced by confusion. 

“Jungwon? How did you—”

But explanations are not at the top of his priority list. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, releases all at once. “I don’t…” a pained expression crosses his features. “I’m not good with words, and I don’t know what the best thing to say is, but I’m sorry. I never should have said those things about you, about us. I—we’re not glitches.” He pauses, frowning. “I mean, we are, but that’s okay. We’re okay. There’s nothing to fix, and I’m sorry that I made it sound like I think otherwise. I…” He trails off again, swallowing a lump in his throat. “You have to know that I think the world of you. I would never, never want to say or do something that makes you—oof.”

His words die with the sudden impact of your head on his chest, arms wrapping tight around his shoulders. Shock renders him immobile for just a moment before he’s melting into your touch, returning your embrace with one of his own as his arms twine around your back. 

It’s all there, wrapped up in this moment. A solid foundation. A warm place to land. Things that futures can be built upon. Things that can breathe life into possibilities, into almosts. 

“Thank you,” you whisper, and it’s lost somewhere against the skin of his neck. 

“For what?”

“For being here.”

You mean it. He knows it. 

“It’s the only place I wanted to be.”

He means it. You know it. 

…

“Where are you taking me?”

“You know, the more you keep asking that question, the less inclined I am to answer.”

“We’ve been walking for thirty minutes,” you argue. “Don’t I deserve some kind of explanation?”

“That’s what the coffee was for.” Jungwon grins, one of those real ones that lights up his eyes. One that has you returning a smile of your own, despite your complaints. “To distract you through the physical labor.”

“Well, we can’t all be on the taekwondo team.”

Jungwon just rolls his eyes. “We’re almost there. I promise.”

And despite it all, you believe him. Because it’s been months since you turned in your project, since your class ended, and he’s still here. Still a permanent fixture in your life. Still responsible for so many moments you look forwards to, so many moments you look back upon fondly. 

Because despite the gray numbers on your wrists, you’re both dressed for the weather. Welcoming summer heat with short sleeves and smiles to match. 

Because there’s no one else you’d walk thirty minutes towards an undisclosed location for. 

Because there’s no one else that understands you the way he does, gray soulmate marks aside. Because to him, you’re just you. A person capable of joy and anger and grief and love and all of the beautiful, wonderful, messy things that come with being a human. Not something to fix, not a person to mend. 

Because you think you might love him for it. 

Because you know you do. 

And when you finally arrive at an oasis of a park ten minutes later, sprawled on a picnic blanket overlooking a pond, you’ll turn to him and whisper some nonsense about recent studies showing that soulmates often find each other surrounded by nature. 

He’ll roll his eyes, brush a strand of hair off your forehead while he tells you that he doesn’t care, that it doesn’t matter, that it’s all a bunch of nonsense anyway. 

And it will feel like coming home, like resting after a long day, like basking in the first rays of sunshine as winter finally spreads its wings into a glorious spring when he intertwines his fingers with yours and tells you that he thinks you’re beautiful. 

Fate is a funny thing, you’ll think to yourself as his breath tickles your neck, sends shivers down the length of your spine. And no matter how many nights we’ve spent berating it, resenting it, cursing it, I’ll always be grateful that it has led to this. Or maybe we led it, grabbed fate by the collar and forced it to bend to our whims like the masters of destiny we are.  

Whatever it may be, I’m glad it brought me here. 

To joy. To love. 

And most of all, to you. 

~Rec. Master List~

Note: NONE of these works are mine! I simply read too many fics/smaus and want to share all my favs to everyone. Please give all the writers love and support for THEIR work because without them, we wouldn’t be able to read these incredible fics! Don’t forget to leave likes and reblogs on their works!

Enyphen

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SMAU - 💫 | Oneshots - 🔮 | Imagines - 💭 | Reactions - 💌 | NSFW - 🔞 | Personal Fav - ₊˚⊹♡

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Jungwon

haru yo, koi 🔮 ₊˚⊹♡ 34.9k wc (ik it’s alot but its WORTH, trust) By amakumos Baked with Love 🔮 ₊˚⊹♡ 6.3k wc By demusewriter in my head 🔮12.9k wc By nwjwns Whispers From My Heart 🔮 5.7k wc By enmayz (pt.2) closer🔮4.7k wc By palajae A Pin Straight To My Heart 🔮5.3k wc By snwpcktz no one has ever cared about me like you do 💭0.7 wc By heeliopheelia the language of flowers 💫₊˚⊹♡ By soobnny when I think of love (I think of you) 🔮8.9k wc By stllmnstr

Heeseung

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Jay

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Jake

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Sunghoon

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OT7

seeing you at their concert 💌0.84k wc By yenqa but my heart it carries on - demigod series 🔮₊˚⊹♡ By cloudninescenes-archived for with you is where i want to be - hogwarts series 🔮By cloudninescenes-archived Apocalypse - ₊˚⊹♡ Mini Series By eeunoia. WE DATING FR?! 💌 By hoony2k

See? It's because of you

pairing: roommate!jungwon x fem!reader

synopsis: Jungwon and you have been roommates for the past two years, even tho you had always find him cute, you didn’t take your shot because you were scared to make things uncomfortable. But all of this changes when he comes drunk into your apartment and confesses his love for you.

warnings: jungwon being drunk, cursing, kissing, nothings else just pure fluff.

want to keep reading? click here ⬇️

It was around 11:45 pm on a lonely friday in your apartment. You roommate, Jungwon, went out with his friends ours ago, and even tho he told you to come with them, the pressure of studying for exams didn’t allowed you to go.

“I can’t read anymore…” i said, holding my head between my hands. “Fuck chemistry, fuck biology, fuck physics.”

ding dong

It must be Jungwon, i thought.

“Jungwon?” no response. “Jungwon is that you? Are you back?” i asked again, just silence.

I got up from my chair and went to open the door, showing a really, really drunk Jungwon laying his head on the wall.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed with a big smile, hugging me tight and giving a kiss to my cheek.

“Wow, wow. Jungwon are you okay? You look really drunk.” his face was a little pale, his pupils were dilated, and every word i said, sounded like a joke to him.

“Yes —nOo— No, i mean yes.” he laughed. “Tayo almost killed me outside.”

“Wonie, what in the world is Tayo?” i asked, a confused look in my face.

“You know, Tayo… the car, vroom vroom.”

“Okey, yeah sure.”

“Oh, Y/N!” he exclaimed, hugging me tightly once again. “It’s so hard without you… i missed you soOoOooOO much.” Jungwon complained like a little child.

“What are you talking about? You’re super drunk Jungwon, how much did you drank?”

“Me? Drunk? NoOoOOooO” he slurred, shaking his head before resting it on ny shoulder. “I’m just… divine— I mean, fine.”

“Let’s go to your room, Wonie.” i said, trying to carry him by putting his arm around my shoulder and closing the door behind me. “I think you need some rest…”

Jungwon held into me tighter. “No Y/N, no bed~” he protested. “I wanna stay here with Y/N.”

“Jungw—”

“Talking about Y/N, have you seen her?” Jungwon asked, scanning the room. “She has like… long hair, beautiful dark brown eyes, she’s like, super pretty.” i blushed at his comment.

“Yang Jungwon, you need to lay down in here, and take a deep sleep.” i said sitting him in his bed. His head was moving in circles, his eyes were almost closed and his hair was messy on his face.

I sat next to him, trying to take off his jacket so he could go sleep only with his jeans and t-shirt.

“But i want to spend time with Y/N.” he mumbled, his head now resting on my shoulder. “WoOooOw, you really smell just like her…”

“It’s because it’s me, Wonie. I’m Y/N.” i giggled a little, i was worried about him, but it was also kinda funny seeing him like that.

“AaaAaAh~ You smell really good, Y/N.” Jungwon said, nuzzling into your shoulder.

“Thank you, i guess.” i smiled nervously.

“You know, can i tell you a secret?” he lifted his head, now looking at me with a silly expression. “Something only and you and me know?” Jungwon smiled widely, his face looking really cute in his drunken state.

“Hm, what is it?” i asked.

“Well, i think i like you. I, I think about you a lot.” he confessed, his face now starting to flush red. “Like, really a lot. And uhmm…” he paused. “And sometimes, I imagine -uh- hugging you, and -huh- holding hands, and… kissing.”

“Jungwon, you’re just drunk.” i said trying to stand from the bed but he caught my arm.

“N-no, i’m not!” his voice slurred. “I’m very serious, Y/N!” he grabbed my other hand and place it in to his chest, allowing me to feel his heartbeat.

“Jungwon…” he looked at me with puppy-dog eyes. “See?” he asked softly. “It’s because of you.”

“I don’t think you’re thinking straight, Wonie, there’s a lot of alcohol in your body, your head must hurt like crazy.” i answered, stroking his soft hair with my hand.

“No!” he groaned, pulling you harder this time, causing me to fall into the bed. His arms instantly wrapped around my waist, making it difficult to move away.

“What are you doing?”

“I meant what i said.” he said, resting his head on my chest while still hugging me by my waist. “I just… I didn’t think i was capable of telling you before, so I thought that if I got drunk it’ll make things easier. Guess Jay hyung was right about this being a bad idea.”

“Do you… really like me?” i asked, not trying to scape from him anymore.

“Yes, absolutely yes, yes, and yes.”

“Well, i like you too Jungwon.”

“I know.” he simply replied giggling. “What!? How did you knew?”

“I’ve been living with you for the past two years, Y/N. I know everything about you. What you like, what you don’t like, how you react to situations, i know when you’re lying, your favorite color, your favorite food, and i for sure know when you look at me.” I blushed. “ You’re too obvious, and I know you didn’t told me because you were scared of making things weird between us.”

“Wow… you really know me, huh.” he smiled. “I do.”

“Just promise you won’t get this drunk again, at least you can talk properly now.”

“If you stay in my room tonight, i won’t drink a single drop of alcohol ‘till de day i die.”

“But— i have my own room, Wonie.”

“You can’t leave me alone, i’m a drunken boy who needs attention. If you don’t take care of me, i will scape jumping from my window.” i laughed.

“Okay, okay. Fine.”

Jungwon snugged closer to my body, his arms holding me tight while his head was resting on my chest. I started stroking his hair, trying to make him fall sleep quicker, he looked so peaceful like this.

“You’re so cute.” i whispered, thinking he was already fallen asleep.

“You’re cute too, Y/N.” he replied, his eyes still closed. “I thought you were already asleep.”

“I can’t sleep without my goodnight kiss.” he opened his eyes this time, tilting his head up a little bit and staring directly into mines.

“You want a goodnight kiss?”

“Mhm, yes.”

“Are you gonna remember this happened tomorrow morning?”

“Absolutely, how could i forget when the most beautiful girl in this world kissed me?” i blushed.

“Oh, God. Stop.” i laughed.

“So..?”

My face moved closer to his and then our lips met in a sweet, quick peck, soft and tender, allowing me to taste the alcohol that remained on his lips. Jungwon was the first to pulled back just enough to look at my face, his smile wide and infectious, the joy of that innocent and quick kiss lighting up his face.

“Finally, now I can sleep as a happy man.” he said in a proud voice.

“Good night, Wonie”

“Good night, Y/N.”

ROYAL BALL

Listen to it when you read this :)

For princess Y/N being there was just so bored. She was only smiling to random people, who came here for a royal ball her kingdom made this year. Then, from nowhere, seven young men stood in front of her

“Do you mind dancing your highness?”one of them asked, bowing and pointing his hand towards princess Y/N as the other six. She took a look at her parents, waiting for their reaction. Her father nodded, so princess accepted the stranger's invitation and grabbed his hand - she did her’s first mistake. The stranger led her to the center of the ballroom, and moments later they began to move. The dance was delicate, but mysterious at the same time. Before princess Y/N could ask her partner for his name or from what kingdom he came from, he melted like a mist, and another appeared at his place. The tall brunet bowed slightly to the princess and then grabbed her hand, lightly touching her skin with his lips. After a short dance with the him, the blonde appeared, who took the place of the predecessor, after the blonde, another boy appeared, then another, and yet another, until it was time for the last one. The dark-haired young man grabbed princess's hand, and it was only at that moment that she realized how cold their hands were. When the stranger’s hand touched her waist, she shivered. Princess Y/N for the first time this evening looked in the eyes of one of her partners- his eyes were empty and dark as a winter night. After breaking that short eye contact with young man, Y/N started scanning his face- single black hair fell on his forehead and his nose on which she found a little mole. When the princess was about to ask for his name, the boy, like the rest of them, vanished in between all of tonight’s guests. Something in her wanted to stay, inside she felt that something was going to happen, but her body didn’t listen, and she moved forward, pushing through people. She saw one of mysterious boys with the corner of her eye, so she ran towards him, then she saw another one, so the she headed towards his direction. Y/N followed his footsteps, she left the room and entered one of the corridors, only to see the big castle doors open widely. She ran out of the palace and her eyes saw one of the strangers enter the garden maze- she followed him and it was her second mistake. Going through the dark labyrinth alleys, princess Y/N didn’t knew if it was her mind playing with her or was it really happening, but she heard murmurs or footsteps behind her, which made her shiver from fear and cold. Finally, she stopped looking for the missing boys, at that point, her priority was to find a way out. The footsteps and whispers grew louder and Y/N quickened her pace “Hello!? Is anyone there?!” she screamed, stopping in one place for a moment - it was her third and last mistake. The noises around began to intensify, and princess no longer wasted any time and began to run away. She knew that whoever was there had no good intentions, and she is really easy pray to catch. The sound of steps she heard were already loud enough for her to hear them clearly. She could easily say that someone was following her and knew her location. Y/N, in fear, turned off the first corner she could find, prying to god for help with getting out of here. She hoped that she will find a way out, but instead ended up in a dead end. And then she felt that she was no longer alone, it was obvious that whoever had chased her before was now standing behind her. Before she could turn around, someone leaned over her ear and whispered "You will finally be one of us" and after these words she felt an unimaginable pain in her neck. Now, she will be dancing with them for all eternity

Enhypen x Yandere!reader🫀💋

warning: yandere theme, mention of death, mention of suicide

Heeseung:

You and Heeseung were a couple for over a year now, he was your high school sweetheart, the love of your life!

Yet he still wanted to leave you!? After all this time? The pain you felt because of him was unbelievable, but you still love him, so obviously you won’t let him go that easily

You CAN'T let him go, if you do then you will be left alone in this cruel world, without him you have no reason to be still alive

He is the reason why you're still breathing, why you’re still eating, and why you’re still existing

“Please Heeseung, don’t do this to me! I love you! Why did you stop loving me! What did i do!?” You cried out on your knees before your boyfriend, you know how pathetic you must look, but hey! This way you can show him how much he means for you, how much you are willing to do for him

"Y/N stop please… get up" he said, looking down at you with a pity in his eyes, he’s starting to feel bad

"You don’t understand how much you mean to me! You’re my only reason to live! If you leave me, then i will kill myself, cause i can’t just move on from you!! You want me to die?!" your cries got louder, tears spilling from your red eyes like a fountain

Your words + the way you look right now made Heeseung feel extremely guilty, you broke him, just like you wanted to :))

He crouched and hugged you tightly, one of his hands on your waist, the other stroking your head to calm you down from you histeria

"Please forgive me baby! I love you…. I wont leave you" he whispered and you nodded, hugging him back as tight at he does, but you knew, deep down, that his words are straight up lies, he’s still gonna meet that slut behind your back

So, if you want to be 100% sure about his loyalty, you have to get rid of the main problem….

You have to kill that bitch, who tried to take Heeseung away from you, she’s not worth living anyway, and when she’ll finally disappear, everything will go back to the way it was before she ruined it

I mean, every action has consequences, she worked for what will happen to her, and you’ll make sure that she’ll understand that

Jongseong:

Is it normal that best friends are jealous about other people? Or is it normal that best friends want to kill for each other?

The answer is simple: T O T A L L Y !!! After all, that’s just different way of showing the other one you care for them

Jongseong was your best friend since kindergarten, he was the first kid who talked to you, he was your super hero when a boy pushed you of the swing in the 1st grade, he was there for you after your first break up (that night you realized that he would be 100 times better boyfriend for you)

And then, he wanted someone else? He wanted a girlfriend? You are his girlfriend , maybe not the one he meant but you have no problem in becoming one if he wants! Can’t he understand that he only needs you? You know him like your own hand, no one can replace you! It’s so simple yet he can’t see that

That night, when he came to your house, crying about his crush dying in a car accident, you obviously comforted him the best you can, you were there for him, just like he was there for you every time you needed him the most

But you just coudn't stop the smile on your face to appear when you hugged him…

You did it! She wasn’t a threat anymore! Now your Jongseong can be REALLY yours, only yours

Jaeyun:

He is YOUR boyfriend and you are HIS girlfriend, your were loyal to him, and he sweared that he’s loyal to you too, but then he’s still looking at other girl, greeting then when you go for a walk with layla, even texting some of them, it doesn’t matter if it’s only for study purposes

Men are just liars, you shouldn’t believe him when he confessed his true love for you, when he told you, you have no reason to be jealous

"Do you even love me? You’re probably seeing someone else without me knowing, huh? How could I be so stupid and believe you!" you yelled at him with anger visible in your face

"Baby, stop those nonsense! I love you, you know I do! I swear to god!" he reached for your hand, but you knew better that that what he’s trying to do, he thinks one touch and you will be on your knees for him, but you’re not that dumb

"Liar!! Who is it?! I bet it’s that Jennifer girl! Am I wrong?!" suddenly your voice changed dramatically, from female rage to hysteric cries “Why are you like this Jake? Am I not enough? I’m trying my best!” you cried in your hands, your knees getting weaker and you just felt like passing out

"I'm sorry Y/N! Please don't cry! I won’t look at any other girl ever again if it means you’re not going to cry because of me ever again!" He hugged you to his chest, kissing he the top of your head, and caressing your back

You smiled, cause let’s be honest, you’re not the stupid one in this relationship

Sunghoon:

Perfection.

This word can describe Park Sunghoon and his ice skating perfectly, his style and skills are just amazing, everyone knew that

You- as his skating partner- have to be as perfect as he is, if you’re not, your imperfections can ruin his image, and that’s something unacceptable

You were sure that you weren’t enough for him, but someone else was, the only problem being her looks- she just didn’t much him visually, but you did

That’s why your coach told you that Sunghoon will be paired up with her till you improve, you felt like shit after hearing this but you just nodded, it’s not like there’s anything else you could’ve done

That week you practiced super hard, motivated by the sight of Sunghoon with this stealer, your exhaustion was pretty visible, but you didn’t care, not when your partner is holding her hand instead of yours, not when his hands are on her waist, lifting her in the air

You have to get your position back, no. matter. what.

The jealousy was eating you for the inside, and you knew that you can’t live like this any longer

I were thinking about the plan to be Sunghoon’s pair again, and then, like a gift from universe, the opportunity came to you by itself: she was walking down the stairs to the skating ring, no one around to caught you, no cameras, just a perfect chance you couldn’t loose

You weren’t thinking straight, it’s like something had clouded your mind

You pushed her with all your strength, the push was fully personal, all your jealousy and rage was putted in it

She fell, and you watched as her body rolled down the stairs, then you watch her unconscious body- she was alive, but she won’t know who did this to her, you were supposed to be home at this hour so you’re out of the suspect’s list

The next day, as you expected, your coach told you and Sunghoon that she broke her leg, and you will be paired up together again, a smile made it’s way to your face, the coach even praised you, telling you, you’ve improved enough to be Sunghoon’s partner again either way

“I missed you, I couldn’t wait for you to be my pair again! She wasn’t as pretty as you, you know” Sunghoon said, as soon as the coach disappeared from your sight

Your smile became bigger, not only because Sunghoon said he missed you and called you pretty, but also because pushing this idiot down those stairs was worth it

Jungwon:

Your brother started attempting taekwondo classes after school, which you didn’t really care about, till he called you one monday afternoon, and asked you if you could come by and drop him his lunch that he forgot

You were about to tell him to piss off and buy something near, or to not waste your time, but then you thought it over- he would probably snitch on you to your parents- so you agreed

You stepped into the practice room, and the second you layed your eyes on the circle your brother was sitting in, your heart started to beat faster

Right next to your sibling, was the most breathtaking and cute guy you have ever seen, it was a love from the first sight

When he looked at you, a blush appeared on your cheeks and you looked away, hurriedly giving your brother his food and making your way out of the room

from that day, you started to bring lunch for your brother every monday, sometimes even staying longer to watch Jungwon their practice

After quite some time of crushing on Jungwon, you decided to tell him about your feelings- the worst thing he can do is reject you, but he won’t do that, right?

“I’m really sorry Y/N, I like you and I think you’re awesome, but I’m not looking for any relationship now” He shrugged, with an apologetic smile on his face

You froze, blinking was the only think you’re body could do in that moment, your brain stoped working

You couldn't understand that, it’s clear that universe wants you two together, that monday when you saw him for the first time, it’s was destiny who told her to go! Can’t he see that?!

He’s just lying to himself! He must feel the same way! Was he leading you on this whole time?! It’s not possible, he’s not like that!

"Oh… okay" you said with a blank expression

He’s probably playing hard to get, he wants to know how much would you do for him, how long can you wait for his love, but you’re patient, you will be together at the end, you’ll make sure he will understand that you’re made for each other

Sunoo:

You were just shy,quiet worker in small café

It was August 2nd, 5 pm., really warm, summer day- the day you met your soulmate, your lover, your obsession

He ordered ttaebokki with coke zero- kinda weird combination but you didn’t care, all that mattered is that he smiled at you and even said you have nice hair, he was obviously flirting with you, even someone blind would notice

You hated him for how flustered he made you feel by this simple interaction, and you hated yourself even more for not flirting back

Since that day, you’re like his shadow, you even befriended some of his friends so now you’re kinda in a same friend group

Only recently you have confessed you love for him in a letter, where you have confessed everything you fell for in him

When he called the cops and told them he has a stalker, you were a little confused, you didn’t see anyone around him who would possibly stalk him, but you promised yourself that you will find this motherfucker and made them regret scaring you lover

Riki:

In Riki's eyes, you're just his nice desk mate, but in your eyes he’s your whole world, and every time he asked you to borrow a pen or a pencil, you knew that he’s doing that only to get your attention- you found it really cute

every glance he send you made you warm inside, he really is in love with you

You were so in love with him that you didn’t care When he told his hyungs that you're a little weird, what you cared about was the fact that he talked about you to them! It’s not important what he had told them! Maybe he even talks about you to his family!!? That would be like a dream!

Your final push to confess to him was when he complained your outfit: “You look great today” he said and smiled, he has to like you back

What’s confused you is his reaction when you told him you’re meant to be, because if he likes you back, why would he tell you to stay away from him and run away? I guess you just have to give him some time! :))

i’m actually sobbing why do i do this to myself

i actually need to stop reading angst

ILY FOR THIS ITS SO GOODHSISNSISBX

bandaids are no good for heartache - y.j.w.

summary — with jungwon so busy with work, you've been feeling like less of a priority to him.

pairing — bf!idol!jungwon x gf!reader

genre — angst with a pinch of fluff

wc — 4.5k

warnings — lots of break up talk, super brief mention of potential cheating (no cheating happens tho), jungwon on his knees begging (very much self-indulgent and i am not sorry)

a/n — #ILOVEANGST <3 tbh i'm not super proud of this but i rly wanted to put smth out during my lil uni break. also i almost wrote my name instead of "y/n" multiple times while writing this ... the delusions are getting to me i think. anyway this whole fic is extremely self-indulgent (mostly the begging i just love when men beg *evil laughs*)

your eyes sting as they stay trained on the screen of your ipad, illuminating your face in the dark room. it’s been weeks since you saw him last, and now you watch your boyfriend dancing across the stage in a livestream of his concert, catching it in the early hours of the morning because of the time zone difference. he looks so happy. he always looks the happiest on stage, doing what he loves. you continue to watch him jump around and laugh with his members, trying to remember the last time you saw him smile like that with you.

as the concert comes to an end, you watch jungwon’s sweet grin as he waves goodbye to his fans. fans. honestly, that’s what you’re starting to feel like too. it’s been months since you felt his presence in yours—even when he’s with you, it feels like his mind is spiraling elsewhere, never keeping his attention on you. is it his fault? of course not, and you know that. being as young as he is, and having as many responsibilities as he has can definitely take a toll on someone, especially on top of constantly being on the road. although you’ve always been supportive of him, there are times where you feel like you’re not getting enough back. this is something that’s been in the back of your mind for a while now, but you could never bring yourself to voice it to him. you know how much jungwon appreciates your support and care, and you cannot fathom putting more of a burden on him when he’s already so stressed and busy. so, you stay silent, just as you always have. it’s just a little seed of concern anyway.

what you didn’t notice though is how over the years, that seed of concern started growing as resentment in the silence of your heart, spreading roots that tangled with your love for him, making it harder and harder to separate the two.

your thoughts and worries fade into nothing as you fall into a quiet slumber, your body curling into just one side of the bed in jungwon's absence.

--

the day of jungwon's return home arrives like any other. it’s a routine you’ve fallen into—knowing he'll walk through the door sometime in the evening, bringing with him the familiar mix of exhaustion and relief. as you await his arrival, you decide to make his favourite dinner as a small surprise. 

as you prepare the dining table, you hear the rattling of the door knob, turning around just in time to see your fatigued boyfriend come through the door. despite his exhaustion, he wears a lazy smile on his face, always so happy to see you.

“wonie! i missed you so much!” you jump into his embrace, his arms instinctually wrapping around you, dropping his bags in the process. you feel his face fall into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as if to ingrain your scent into his mind.

“i missed you a lot too, baby,” he pulls back to look at you and give you a chaste kiss before setting you down, keeping his arms wrapped around you. “i’m hungry as hell though. we had snacks for the road but fuckass sunghoon ate them all in the first half of the ride.” 

you snicker at his expression of distaste towards his friend’s actions. “well, lucky for you, i made your favourite!” you gesture towards the table set up with your home cooked meal. you watch jungwon’s eyes sparkle with excitement as he looks between you and the dining table. you feel his arms wrap around you tighter as he pecks the top of your head. “what did i do to deserve you, y/n…” he asks rhetorically, affection prominent in his voice.

“yeah, sometimes i ask myself the same thing,” you reply teasingly.

as you two start to eat away at your hard work, jungwon tells you all about what happened at the concerts they had in the past two months. 

“no way, he did that? oh my god, that’s so dangerous!”

“i’m serious, he jumped off the platform while it was still in the air! it was insane, but you know what jay’s like during concerts, so it’s not too shocking.”

you sigh as you poke the food on your plate with your spoon. “i wish i could’ve been there. the livestream didn’t show that,” you huff.

jungwon smiles at your pouting. “well, we’re having a show here in two weeks, so you can come to that one!”

he looks at you expectantly, waiting for your squeal of excitement, but it doesn’t come. what he gets instead is a blank stare, that quickly turns into a hesitant smile. “oh, nice!” you try to muster up as much excitement as you can, but your disappointment is too evident. he just came back and they’ve already planned the next concerts, meaning he’s not going to be around at all for those two weeks since he’ll be too busy preparing and practicing. you’re going to be alone again. you can’t help but feel a bit selfish for thinking this way, but you’re starting to feel like you don’t know how much longer you can handle this for. at the same time, you feel like you can’t bring it up because you don’t want to burden jungwon even further.

he raises an eyebrow at you. “nice? that’s all i get? i thought you’d be more excited about this.”

“i am excited, wonie,” you lie as you start to get up to clear your plate when you feel your eyes begin to burn with tears. as you walk towards and into the kitchen, his eyes don’t leave your face for a second.

“okay, obviously you’re not, y/n. i know you, and i know when you’re not telling the truth,” he says, his eyebrows so furrowed that they’re almost connected. “what’s wrong?”

an uncomfortable tension starts to settle in the air as you continue to lie to him. “nothing’s wrong! i’m just tired.” you hope he didn’t hear the slight crack in your voice as the tears start threatening to fall. unfortunately for you, jungwon knows you better than you know yourself and he knows when you’re upset. he heard the familiar crack loud and clear, and he knows exactly what it means.

“wait, baby, are you crying?”

you swallow down the tears rising in an attempt to hide them from jungwon. “no, what do you mean?” you try to mask your sadness with a chuckle, but jungwon knows you better than that.

“my love, you know you can tell me anything, right? talk to me,” he says softly.

and apparently, that’s your last straw. the second his words hit your ear, the dam breaks.

alarms blare in his mind as soon as he sees the first tear fall, screaming for him to get up and wrap you into his chest, as he usually does in this type of situation. and so, that’s exactly what he does, just as he has in the past. the only difference here is that when he reaches for your crying form, you brush him off and leave for your room. jungwon feels his heart crack while he watches you walk away from him in this state. this is the first time he’s felt like he didn’t know how to help you, since he doesn’t even know what he’s done wrong.

after hearing the door of your shared room shut, jungwon cleans up the rest of the dining table. he decided to give you some space to cool down, while also giving himself some space to figure out how to approach this. now that he’s thinking about it, he hasn’t seen you cry in months. you’ve always put on a smile for him, and now he can’t help but wonder what he's been missing. after what feels like a long few minutes, he decides he can't wait any longer and heads to your room. he doesn't want to push too soon, but he can't stand the thought of you hurting alone. lifting his hand to knock on the door, he calls out for you.

“y/n? can i come in?” hearing a muffled noise of approval from your side of the door, he hesitantly enters the room. the first thing he sees is you lying under the covers with your back facing him.

you feel a dip in the bed behind you as he sits next to your sad figure. not knowing what to say, he gently smooths down your hair, hoping to relieve you from even an ounce of your heartache. the tenderness of the act, although small, is enough for you to start crying again.

before jungwon came into the room, your mind was reeling with thoughts about how this is going to work out. how can you tell him that you need more from him when he’s already working himself to the bone for his career? you can’t put that pressure on him, so instead you came to the conclusion that maybe it’s time to let go. he deserves to focus on his career, and you can’t keep waiting for someone who's never fully present. when he starts petting your head to cheer you up, the guilt hits you like a truck. you sit up, thinking it’s better if you just bite the bullet now.

jungwon worriedly looks into your teary eyes, now filled with sadness and a hint of something more complex. he’s never seen you like this before, and it scares him. sure, he’s seen you cry before. many times actually. after all, you’ve been together for two and a half years. but usually, the first thing you do when you’re upset is lean to him for comfort. the second he opens his arms for you, you fall right into them. this time, it almost feels like you’re pushing him away, like you don’t want his help. and that terrifies him. 

his eyes are stuck on your wandering ones, as you don’t have it in you to look at him as you say this. jungwon’s hand goes to hold your cheek, gently urging you on, encouraging you to speak. he holds you so softly, so delicately, as if you’re the most fragile thing in the world. your eyes shut with guilt. you need to get it out now, before the moment slips away from you.

“jungwon, i don’t think i can do this anymore.” your eyes are still closed, afraid that seeing his face will make you regret your decision. the words leave your mouth much weaker than you intended them to, but jungwon hears you loud and clear. hoping you don’t mean what he thinks you mean, he asks for confirmation.

“what can’t you do anymore, darling?” although you can’t see him, you hear the shakiness in his voice, suggesting that he’s holding back tears. when you finally open your eyes, you’re met with the view of his glistening eyes and sad smile, as if he’s unable to accept your words.

your heart aches at his state, but you have to do this. for the sake of both you and him. “jungwon, please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” 

his heart shatters at that. disbelief, sadness, and anger seeps into his bones. harder than it has to be? his beloved girlfriend of almost three years is breaking up with him, is this supposed to be easy? 

what part of losing you could ever be easy?

“what? are you serious?” he manages to muster out, the words barely audible in his state of shock.

he stands up from the bed, hand going straight through his hair in frustration. “okay, y/n, what the fuck is going on? why are you doing this? you’re breaking up with me, for no reason, and you think i’m just going to be okay with it? what, you think i’m not going to fight for us?” 

“jungwon, i’m sorry--”

“no, y/n, you’re not sorry, because this isn’t happening. we’re not breaking up, because there’s literally no reason to.” he looks at you with a twinge of insanity lingering behind his eyes. have you lost your mind? no way in hell is he letting you go, especially when you two have been fine until now.

but now you’re starting to get frustrated with the tone he’s taking with you. jungwon’s talking to you like you’re crazy, as if this is something you decided on a whim. you’ve both raised your voices at each other before, but this time it feels like new territory. “alright, tone it down, jungwon.” you say, gentle but firm.

your demand seems to anger him even further as he stares at you with disbelief etched into his features.

“oh my god, y/n, can you even hear yourself? telling me to tone it down when you just tried to dump me, of course i’m going to be upset!”

“i really don’t want to fight right now—”

“do you think i want this to be happening right now? of course not! i just came back from tour and i’m so fucking tired. i don’t want to be here right now either!” the words slip out quickly, before he can even think about them. for a split second, his face twitches with a hint of regret, but he quickly masks it again when he sees your stare piercing into his.

at that, you snap. “yeah, i can tell! you never want to be here, and i know that because you never fucking are! you’re always off on tour or at group dinners, and i basically live by myself at this point!” the words spill out uncontrollably, too late to stop them even if you tried. your tears are all dry now, the previous feeling of sadness in your body now being replaced with anger.

“you’re never here, jungwon. and even when you are, it’s like i don’t even exist to you!”

jungwon blinks at your outburst. you’ve never vocalized these feelings before, and it takes him by surprise. he had no idea you felt this way.

“y/n, that’s not fair. this is my job—you knew this when we started dating.” his voice is calmer now, but there’s a hint of wariness, as if he’s trying to tread carefully, afraid that your frustration with his career might mean you’re really ready to walk away.

before you can respond, jungwon’s phone buzzes, interrupting the charged moment. he glances at the screen, and you can see the frustration carve deeper lines on his face. “it’s my manager,” he mutters, eyes narrowed. “i can’t believe this is happening right now.”

the irony makes you scoff, jungwon head snapping away from his phone to look at you. “this is what i mean, jungwon! i know it’s not your fault but i can’t keep doing this anymore! even when you’re with me, your mind is constantly somewhere else!” you exclaim exasperatedly.

“okay, y/n, but what am i supposed to do about that?” he yells out, his voice raising once again. “i just don’t know what you want from me right now. you knew about my job since we met, you knew what you were getting into,” he breathes out, frustration filling him to the brim.

“yeah, i know, and i thought i would be okay with it, but i can’t keep waiting for you like a sad puppy while you’re out having the time of your life with who knows who.” you don’t mean that. you know you don’t. but right now you can only see red, and all you want to do is hurt him the way you’ve been hurting. 

and that you did.

your words hit jungwon in the chest like a truck. of everything that’s been said today, this one hurts the most. as if his heart wasn’t already in pieces, it feels like an anvil has crashed down on the fragments, crushing them even further. his eyes fill to the brim with tears, and he does everything he can to keep them from falling.

as your words continue to sink in, hurt flashes in his eyes. “you think i’m out there having the time of my life? with “who knows who”? you really think i would cheat on you?” he looks at you incredulously as he says that, as if he can’t believe those words even came out of your mouth. jungwon’s voice is quieter now, everything coming out in a whisper. “you have no idea how hard it is for me to leave you every time i go on tour,” he sighs, his voice laced with frustration and shock. “i’m not some asshole who’s choosing this over you. i’m doing it because i care about us, y/n! it’s like you don’t even know me anymore.”

the pain in his voice goes straight to your heart, but you know you can’t stop now. “i barely do, jungwon, that’s what i’m trying to tell you! this relationship is going nowhere because we’re never around each other anymore… i thought i’d be able to handle you constantly being away but i guess i overestimated myself.”

jungwon lets out a bitter laugh at your remark. “overestimated yourself or your love for me?” he pauses for a second before continuing, “you know what, maybe you’re right. maybe it is best if we break up,” he looks at you, his sweet brown orbs now replaced with piercing feline eyes filled with anger and sadness, “because if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have given up this easily.” his fists are clenched tightly as he speaks, nails digging into his palms almost painfully. he doesn’t really want to break up, right now he’s just throwing your words back at you in a pathetic attempt to hurt you back.

your heart sinks at his words. “oh my god, jungwon, don’t you get it? it’s been like this for months now, this isn’t a new issue,” you stand up and face him, hands reaching out for his arms to hold him down, trying to ground him to get him to listen to you. “i’ve reached my limit, jungwon. we’re at two different stages in our lives right now, and i can’t keep spending my life waiting for you while you’re out living yours,” you say, your voice much more gentle now as you watch his eyes soften back into the adorable big brown eyes you’ve always loved to lose yourself in.

he squeezes his eyes shut, struggling to contain the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. “i can’t help my job, y/n. i want to be there for you, but you’re acting like i’m actively choosing my job over you as if i have a choice... it’s just not that simple.”

“i know, none of this is.” your hands move to brush his overgrown bangs out of his face. silence hangs heavy between you, both of you grappling with your emotions. jungwon’s gaze flickers away, and for a brief moment, he looks lost. “i didn’t realize how hard this was for you,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “i just... i thought you understood.”

you soften at his sad tone, all the anger drained from your veins now. “i do, jungwon, but i feel so alone sometimes, and i can’t go on like this anymore. this is what’s best for us. for both of us.” despite the tears softly trickling down your face, your voice was steady, almost serene, as if you had been preparing yourself for this moment. jungwon’s confusion deepened, his brows knitting together as he tried to process the calmness that radiated from you.

“how can you be so calm about this?” jungwon asked with a sniffle, almost in disbelief. his voice had softened, but there was a hint of desperation behind it. “you’re just… okay with breaking up? just like that?” his heart drops to the bottom of his stomach with the realization that this is really happening. you’re really breaking up with him right now. his eyes fill with tears for the nth time this evening as he looks at you, waiting for an answer.

you met his gaze, and for a moment, jungwon saw a flicker of something he couldn’t quite place—was it resignation, or acceptance? he couldn’t tell, and that only made him feel more unsettled.

“i don’t know, jungwon,” you replied with a sigh, glancing away for a moment. “i’ve thought about this so much… and maybe i’ve just come to terms with it. we need different things, jungwon. you need someone who’ll be okay with your busy schedule, and i need someone who’s always going to be there for me.”

at your last sentence, jungwon’s resolve breaks, salty tears flowing out of his beautiful eyes. 

you need someone who’ll always be there for you. you’re saying you need someone else. 

hearing you say that you need more than him pains him to no end, as if each word is a dagger to his heart. he feels a surge of panic, the thought of a future without you consuming him. his mind races, replaying every moment, every laugh, every shared dream, and he realizes how much he’s taken for granted. he wants to scream, to tell you that he can change, that he can be better, but the words feel stuck in his throat. instead, he stares at you, feeling helpless and terrified, grappling with the reality that the love of his life feels abandoned in a relationship he thought was built on understanding.

jungwon’s face crumples at the thought of you needing someone else, his expression torn between hurt and understanding. “you’re right,” he says after a moment, his voice barely above a whisper. “i haven’t been giving you what you need, and i hate that i’ve made you feel so alone.”

your eyes widen as jungwon gets on his knees as he reaches for your hands, holding them tightly in his, as if anchoring himself. “y/n, i know i’ve been so focused on my job that i haven’t been there for you. but i don’t want you to feel like you need more than what i can give. i want to be enough for you—i need to be enough for you. i’m ready to change, to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

“jungwon—” he cuts you off as he notices your hesitancy to accept his words. 

“please, y/n. i’m not letting you go like this. not when i know i can give you what you need. just give me a chance to show you. please, baby, don’t leave me like this.” his hands are wrapped around your smaller ones, his watery, pleading eyes looking up at you as he begs you to stay with him.

you want to believe him, you really do. you’re just scared of nothing changing. he opens his mouth to speak again when he notices your silence. his grip on your hands tightens, as if he’s afraid you might slip away. “i know i’ve messed up,” he says, his voice raw and honest. “but i’m willing to fight for us. i’ll make time for you, i’ll change for you. just give me the chance to prove that i can be the boyfriend you deserve. the one you need.”

“please, princess, trust me.”

you feel a tear run down your cheek at his words. “i’m scared, jungwon. but i want to believe you. we can try again, but if things don’t change…” your words trail off, shaking your head while looking into his eyes, gesturing that this is his last chance.

“i understand, baby,” he replies, his tone earnest. “and i swear i’ll make it happen. i’ll show you that i can put you first. just please don’t walk away from me. i love you so much, y/n.”

“i love you too, jungwon.” you smile at him, a twinge of sadness still evident in your expression, a result of the heated argument you two just had. you pull him up by his cheeks, your lips meeting his a kiss filled with love, fear, and relief. you taste the saltiness of his tears on his lips as they continue to fall from his eyes. when you pull away from him, he gently drags you down onto the bed with him, his warm body enveloping yours in a tight embrace. you hear his uncontrollable sniffles coming from behind you, making you turn to face him. your hands instinctively move to his face to wipe his tears away, and his eyes close at the feeling of your fingers carefully treading his soft skin.

“wonie, baby, it’s okay, i’m here with you.” you whisper to him, kissing his nose in reassurance, trying to soothe his emotions that are still in the process of coming down from their high. his heart rate starts to slow at the sound of your sweet voice calling him by your nicknames for him again.

“i just can’t believe i almost lost you, princess. that was so scary,” your heart aches knowing that you made him hurt like that, but at the same time, you knew it had to be done. “please don’t ever do that to me again. i promise i’ll never give you a reason to feel like you need more than me ever again.” his hands move to rest on top of yours which are still placed on his cheeks.

“i won’t, baby. i didn’t want to hurt you, but i guess i needed you to understand how i felt. i never wanted to bring it up before because i didn’t want to add my needs to your already full plate.” you can’t shake the slight feeling of embarrassment that rises at the realization that this whole argument happened because you hid this one thing from him.

“you can always tell me anything, my love. your needs are my priority, your happiness being the most important thing to me over everything else in the world. please don’t ever think otherwise.” his eyes don’t leave your glossy, embarrassed ones as he speaks, ensuring that you remember his words. his chapped lips move to leave a soft kiss on your forehead, his lips barely grazing your skin as if he’s scared you’ll fade away at his touch. “and next time there’s something on your mind, please just tell me as soon as it comes up. slapping a bandaid on it is just going to let it fester and blow up again, and i can’t stress enough how badly i don’t want to lose you.” 

“i understand, wonie. i’m not going anywhere.”

he nods, relief washing over his features. “no more hiding our feelings, okay?” a small smile breaking through his tears.

“okay,” you promise, feeling the warmth of his hands still cradling yours, grounding you in the moment.

in that shared silence, you both know that challenges may still lie ahead, but you know you have each other. and right now, that’s more than enough.

Is This Love?

yang jungwon x reader [afab]

genre: fluff

concept: despite barely being of noble blood yourself there's nothing your family wants more for you than to find a man of high class and finally marry into a family of wealth and reputation. you aren't so taken with the idea, and instead find yourself gravitating to a man that your mother couldn't dislike more.

w/c: 4.7k

warning: regency era au, period typical racism and racist commentary (not graphic or violent, reader is heavily implied to not be of asian descent), period typical classist commentary, yearning, forbidden love

You’ve never really been one for parties, but it never fails that the sun of the summer tends to bring people out in droves to enjoy the sunshine and the warm weather. You’ve also never really cared for summer though, long evenings spent in your parlor, sitting in front of the fire with a hot pot of tea and a book have always been your preferred evenings but that’s quite a long way off. Right now, you’re being forced to languish away in hot skirts, fanning yourself in an effort to give yourself some kind of breeze and entertaining young suitors that you truly have no interest in. 

It’s all your mother’s doing. “You’re not getting any younger,” she reminds you day in and day out about your biological clock and how you’re running out of time. It doesn’t matter to you, the idea of bearing the children of these pompous, exhausting men is a nightmare in and of itself. If you never bear a child and spend the rest of your life being called ‘baren’ ‘cold’ and a ‘spinster,’ well, so be it.

“Oh, goodness,” your best friend whispers to you behind her own fan. The garden party today is crowded, so you’ve decided to seek refuge beside your best friend, despite the fact that she’s being trailed by her incredibly well meaning fiance. They’ll be getting married when the weather turns, it’s going to be a huge party, you’ve been helping her plan it since he proposed last autumn. Still, she’s your only lifeline that’s not either condescendingly commenting about how unfortunate it is you’ve not found a man yet or pushing said men directly onto you. 

“Something the matter?” You ask her, sipping delicately from your crystal glass. The water is tepid but it’s better than whatever booze concoction is in the communal drinking bowl. 

“Nothing,” she chirps but you simply lift a brow. “Did you happen to see who just arrived?” You shake your head but then slowly turn your head towards the entrance to the garden. “Late as always. No one taught the foreigner how to read a clock,” she comments. You glare in her direction for just a moment before turning back towards where the newest attendee of the garden party has entered. 

He’s a young man, about your age, with wide eyes, dark hair and he’s dressed impeccably in his charcoal grey suit. His hair is combed neatly away from his face and he’s greeting anyone who looks in his direction with a politeness they neither understand nor deserve. He’s always been this way, from the moment you met him last spring, transplanting from the far reaches of the East right into your back garden. If anyone had the slightest understanding of what they were looking at they would treat him better, at the very least because of the regality he seems to display and the handsomeness of his features. 

“An hour late,” your friend drones, rolling her eyes. 

“No later than you’ve ever been to a garden party. Might I remind you what kept you during all those balls during our school years?” You tease her. She harrumphs, turning to her fiance. 

“Darling, would you get me something to drink? This weather has me just parched,” she tells him. He goes without any other prodding and you smirk behind your fan. Once he’s outside of earshot she turns to you harshly. “Shut your mouth. What do you know about the things I did in our school years?” 

“You forget who covered for you so quickly?” You retort. She huffs, waving her fan around faster, as though it will be enough to cool the heat of her blush as it makes its way around her ears and up her neck. “Face it, you only say such things because you don’t care for him,” you insist. 

“As if I’m alone in that opinion,” she retorts haughtily. You don’t remember her being this petty when you were young, but you can’t very well be too surprised. She is marrying a Lord’s son and that’s sure to bring her a fair amount of social status. It makes her head the size of the moon some days, when she’s feeling especially like she suddenly deserves the world just because of who she’s going to be marrying. 

You’re just a Viscount’s daughter, which means you are owed quite a bit less status that she will inherit. Not that status has ever really mattered all that much to you. Your mother insists upon it, marrying up in the world. She did, after all, a lucky commoner’s child that happened to catch your father’s eye. Perhaps, to her, it is everything, but not you. 

You’d sooner marry for love than find yourself in a loveless, arranged marriage for the sake of your family name and nothing else. 

“Ladies.” While your friend has been harrumphing and grumping about his arrival, he’s clearly been making his rounds, finally finding himself at your side. You turn to him with a gentle smile, though your friend's politeness is clearly forced. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he says, his voice lilting with a slight accent. 

“Well⁠—” 

“Of course not,” you’re quick to insist. You hear your friend huff at your side but you’re looking at the man before you, who smiles back at you. “Lovely to see you again, Lord Yang. How have you been?” 

“Quite well, thank you for asking. Kept busy,” he says, brushing a stray piece of hair out of his eyes. Your eyes follow the trail of his white gloved hands from his side to his hair and back down to his side. “And yourself, Miss?” He asks, which brings your attention back up to his face. Just the corner of his lips tilts upward in a sharp little smile, causing a dimple to appear in his cheek. 

“Well enough,” you reply and he lifts a brow. “Much to attend this season. I’ve been kept plenty busy with the various garden parties and balls that the noble are known to throw. I’m sure you’re much the same.” 

“Not nearly as well invited as you are, it seems,” he comments, grinning at you. “I suppose a lovely woman such as yourself must spend quite a bit of time with handsome suitors. Just as well, I heard you’re looking to be married.” 

“Not so soon,” you laugh off, shaking your head. “My friends are more the marrying types,” you say, looking over at your friend, who huffs but has a rather pleased smile hovering around her lips. 

“Ah, right. You’re betrothed to Lord Erikson, if I’m correct,” Jungwon says, turning to your friend. Her smile turns from forced to downright pleasured as she turns to face him fully, face half covered by her fan. She’s a taken woman, nothing pleases her more than being able to talk about it. 

“That is correct,” she lays on. 

The moment her awaiting marriage is mentioned, you’re left to do nothing else but stand by and listen to her regale Lord Jungwon Yang with all the glorious details of her upcoming marriage, the wedding, the manor she’ll be living in, everything bright and sparkling about being a bride-to-be. You’ve been listening to it for ages but Jungwon is a fresh set of ears to be forced to hear about it so you stand idly by, thankful to have Jungwon at your side because at least it’s a temporary shield against the many men who can’t seem to take a hint. 

Temporary is the problem, however. 

“Lady Y/L/N,” a gentleman says, coming to your side while Jungwon is being enthralled (unlikely) with the wedding plans of your school friend. You turn slowly towards him, forcing a smile to the surface despite how little you’d like to. “I understand you came to this event unattended. Might as well be a crime, a lovely woman such as yourself being left to fend for herself.” You blink at him slowly, lifting your fan towards your face. “If you’d like, I’d be more than willing⁠—” 

“I believe you got the wrong idea,” Jungwon says. You turn abruptly to him, your friend cutting herself off as soon as the words leave Jungwon’s mouth. He turns to the man at your side, tilting his head. “I don’t know quite know how as I’ve been standing here this whole time, but I assure you, Lady Y/L/N is quite well attended to for this event.” The suitor standing beside you blinks at him, stunned. “If you’d like to dance with her, you might think to ask the man attending to her, don’t you suppose?” 

“I wasn’t aware⁠—” 

“I didn’t think so,” Jungwon says. “You made that quite clear.”

The suitor clears his throat awkwardly, bending slightly at the waist in a bow to Jungwon and then straightens back up to ask, “if I may ask her hand for a dance? It would please me greatly.” He’s turned slightly to you, however, an obvious disregard for Jungwon’s opinion. You hide a smirk behind your fan, eyes downcast. 

“I’m afraid I was about to ask her to dance,” Jungwon informs him. The man turns back to Jungwon, startled by his boldness. “Thank you for your interest though.” The suitor turns to you, as though you’re going to rebuke Jungwon’s claim but you simply turn towards Jungwon. 

“You were?” You ask, tilting your head at him, lowering your fan a bit so he can see more of your face. 

“I was. It would’ve been terribly rude to interrupt your friend while she was speaking though.” He turns back to your friend, who is wearing a truly flabbergasted expression, having witnessed the entire exchange between the three of you. “I apologize for my rudeness, miss.” He bows slightly to her in apology. “You won’t mind if I take her hand in a dance though, would you?” He asks. 

“No,” she says, clearly too startled to deny him. 

“Wonderful.” Jungwon offers his hand to you. “Shall we?” 

You slide your gloved hand into his, feeling the heat of his hand in your own. Silently, you wish neither of you were wearing gloves so you could feel the full warmth of his palm against yours. This will have to do for now though as he leads you out onto the dance floor, your fan folded and hanging from your opposite wrist. 

It’s only once you’re on the dance floor, the bricked path beneath your feet, that Jungwon speaks again. 

“I apologize,” he whispers to you. You look at him to see him already looking at you. His gaze is gentle, staring at you with a kindness you’ve yet to see from the many suitors that have tried to take your hand before him. “I’m not usually so forward but, you see, I’ve waited all season to ask you to dance.” You blink at him, taken aback by his confession. “I’m not often invited to events like these so I had to seize my chance when it presented itself. I hope you weren’t too startled or offended.” 

“On the contrary, I was very impressed,” you inform him. A smile creeps its way across his lips again. “Not many men have the boldness that you do. Most men wouldn’t do such a thing for my attention. I am, after all, not that desirable.” 

“I don’t think you understand what that word means if you think that,” Jungwon retorts. “I’m afraid I’ve been working very hard to make my way through the crowds of men seeking your attention all season long.” You giggle, bringing your hand down from his shoulder to cover your mouth. “I know I’m not quite the man your family would prefer⁠—” 

“You’re a good man, Jungwon,” you interrupt him. His eyes widen in surprise at your bold statement. You feel warm with embarrassment at stating something so abruptly and interrupting him in the process. You cover your mouth with your hand again. “Oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have⁠—” 

“Thank you,” he tells you. Your embarrassment dies down at his words and you look at him from under your lashes. “Not many people would say that to me.” 

“You shouldn’t listen to what other people think,” you tell him, resting your hand on his shoulder again. The hand on your waist tightens just a bit, pulling you the tiniest bit closer to him. It’s not unseemly, not yet, but your bust brushes the front of his suit jacket. The heat of him is close, his face just inches from your own. You truly think you could get lost in the depths of his dark brown eyes, even deeper and darker than the tea your mother makes in the winter months, yet twice as warm. 

“I’ll take that into consideration.” 

Though you hadn’t thought about it before, the longer you remain in Jungwon’s company the more you grow to like him. He’s sweet to you, kind and speaks with a gentle tongue. While others might find his lilting foreign accent distracting or uncouth, you don’t. It’s sort of handsome to you and when you’re done dancing, you spend the rest of the party in his presence. No one else approaches the two of you, after Jungwon’s abrupt and firm rebuke of the first suitor’s interruption, your hand wrapped around his bicep. You find his attention sort of all consuming, in the best way, the adoration in his eyes and the soft way in which he regards you. It’s enough that you sometimes find yourself hiding behind your fan to keep your composure. To say you’re taken with him would be an understatement for certain, assuring him on his parting that you want to see him at the next event you both will be attending. 

“I look forward to it,” he tells you, taking your hand in his. He bends at the waist, bringing your hand to his lips to gently kiss the back of it. Oh how you wish you weren’t wearing gloves, the mere thought of the soft touch of his lips to the back of your hand is enough to leave your heart racing. 

Others, however, don’t feel the same. 

“Do you think this is a joke? This isn’t just your life we’re talking about here!” Your mother explodes as you’re being fitted for a new gown. The poor seamstress that’s fitting your skirts around your waist is being forced to bear witness to the verbal lashing you’re receiving from your mother. You’re quite used to it though, keeping your composure as she speaks. “Do you have any idea what kind of scar you would put on your father’s name if you were to entertain such a man? I won’t have it!” 

“You don’t even know him,” you say, voice measured. 

“I don’t have to! You’ll not be wasting your time with some low life trader’s son!” She insists. 

“He’s a doctor,” you inform her, turning your head to look at her. She scoffs, arms crossed over her chest. “He’s gone to school and everything. Has his own practice. He’s a good man, with a good standing. Just because his father is a trader doesn’t mean he’s the same. He’s made something of himself!” 

“Made something!? He’s an Oriental, he’ll never make something of himself, Y/N, don’t be naive. He’s no more a doctor than that Chinese medical man who sells herbs on the street. You’re not to be mingling with the likes of him,” your mother warns you. “Do you have any idea the kinds of things people would say about you if you were to court him?” She asks, walking around to stand in front of you. You huff to yourself, not meeting her eye. “The kinds of things they would say about me, or your father, if you married someone like that?! I won’t have it. You have a reputation to uphold.” 

“You think he couldn’t carry father’s name?” You retort. 

“I’d hope the good Lord would strike me where I stand before I let something like that happen,” your mothers tells you. “Now you listen to me, you are not to be seen with him anymore. He is not going to court you and he is not going to attend you to any further events, do you understand?” You bring your gaze down to meet hers. “I don’t want you to even go near him. Don’t let him get any ideas. Do you understand me?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” you sigh. 

You knew this might happen. Your family has some very old fashioned ideas, your parents especially, and the idea that you might let someone like Jungwon attend to you, of course your mother couldn’t stand it. As stated, your reputation is everything to her, especially yours. She expects you to marry up, not down. Of course a simple man with a good job isn’t enough for her, he needs to be noble, of high class. Jungwon will never measure up to her. 

The next party you attend, you keep to yourself, eyes down, fan in front of your face. The heat is unbearable, so surely no one can blame you for the way you keep your fan close and up, keeping yourself covered. You don’t even dance, sitting away from the festivities, allowing the chatter of late season weddings, births and birthday parties wash over you. 

You glance up when a murmur runs through the crowd, an hour past the beginning of the party, just in time to see Jungwon enter the gardens. He’s dressed just as impeccably as before, though his suit is brown rather than grey. Still, you doubt he could ever look poorly, his handsomeness speaks for itself. You sigh to yourself, standing and walking away from the table. 

Perhaps it’s all a bit juvenile but the idea of being away from him is easier than trying to ignore him. After all, you can’t stop your feelings any more than you can stop your heart from beating. It’s all so sudden and yet, with one longing gaze, it’s all you can do to not ask Jungwon to ask for your hand right then and there. He’s a gentleman so he won’t, he’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means flowers and dancing and courting and admiration from afar until it’s socially acceptable to ask you to marry him. But you wish he wouldn’t, you wish he would just cut the chase. 

You’ve never cared for men who waste time. 

Hedge gardens are all a bit trite to you, but they’re fine places to think. Especially since no one will come looking for you, you can even go alone. So you do, finding yourself wandering through the thick maze of tall hedges, bright green and reaching above you, almost like trees. You fan yourself, glancing up at the unbearable sun, hoping for the day the air becomes crisp with the autumn wind and you can wrap yourself in shawls instead of sweating under your many skirts. You wonder if there’s a place where it’s like autumn all the time, if you could hope to live someplace like that. Someplace away from this, all of this meaningless nonsense regarding class and reputation. 

“I thought I might find you here,” someone says and you turn, finding Jungwon walking up behind you. He’s still a few paces away, a respectful distance between the two of you, especially since you’re alone here. “When I saw you leave, I worried I’d done something. But we’ve not even spoken since our last outing.” He stops a few feet from you and you lower your fan with a sigh. “Maybe that’s the problem. Should I have chased after you, sending you love letters and words of admiration so that you might miss me more?” He’s teasing you, you know it, but it makes you frown anyway. “What have I done?” He asks, moving to close the distance. 

When he steps forward, you step back, causing him to stop in his tracks. 

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you,” you say and his expression drops into one of confusion and worry. “I think it would be best if you attended to someone else this summer.” 

“I don’t want to attend to anyone else this summer,” Jungwon informs you. “I thought you wouldn’t want me to,” he adds, walking towards you again. You stumble backwards, only to bump directly into a hedge, causing you to stop. You glance at it, betrayed by your own clumsiness, and then look back at him. He closes the distance until he’s only a foot or so in front of you. “Have you changed your mind?” 

“I…” He tilts his head at you, “have. Yes.” 

“I see,” he sighs. “Well, I apologize for wasting your time.” Your frown at him, hurt. “I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.” He takes your hand gently in his, bending at the waist and kissing the back of your hand again. Your heart flutters like it did before, Jungwon lifting his gaze to look at you from under his lashes. “Have a lovely summer, Lady Y/L/N.” 

You sigh softly as he lets go of your hand. He leaves you, walking back out of the hedge maze and, presumably, back to the party. You huff to yourself, turning your fan over between your hands, despondent. 

Your mother, as expected, is nothing less than thrilled when you tell her about the exchange. 

“Well, I should hope so,” she says, enjoying her tea in the garden, fanning herself. “That young man is finally learning his place.” 

“I suppose he is,” you mutter to yourself, staring down at your hands. 

That evening the night falls, dark but illuminated by a silver, full moon. You dress down into your nightgown, the late summer turning into autumn as soon as the sun goes down. You find yourself wrapped in a long housecoat, shuffling to the window in your slippers. You open the window, leaning out to let the crisp night air caress your skin. Though the courting season might be ending, perhaps you will finally find solace once more in the quiet days and cold nights. It’s the least you can hope for. 

You’re startled by the sound of rustling. You look out towards your garden wall, nervous of what might be happening. The leaves on the ivy that drapes down the sides of the wall shiver and rustle in the night air but it sounds heavier and heavier the longer it goes on. You lean out over your window sill, watching out for what might be causing such a ruckus at such a late hour. 

He appears over the top of the garden wall, heaving himself up and over the top. Your mouth drops open with a gasp when the moonlight illuminates his features, making his wide eyes seem even darker, his smirk coming into focus. Jungwon sits on the edge of the garden wall, suit jacket and waistcoat gone, tie missing and first few buttons undone like some kind of rascal from your romance novels. He looks up at you, hands on the top of the wall. 

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel,” he calls out, making you laugh and shake your head at him. 

“You shouldn’t be here!” You insist, trying to keep your voice down but still trying to make sure he can hear you. 

“I shan’t go until you speak with me. A young man’s heart is nothing to toy with, princess,” Jungwon tells you. You lean against the window frame, smiling sadly. “Come to my side, tell me your woes. I’ll do whatever I can to ease them.” 

“I assure you, you cannot,” you sigh. His expression softens as he looks up at you. “It is not your heart that is being toyed with, prince charming. I assure you.” 

“A princess’ heart is not one for games, of this I’m sure,” he replies. “Come down from your ivory tower so that I may offer you solace.” 

It’s a tempting offer. You glance back at your bedroom door, knowing well your parents must be asleep by now. Only your bedside lamp burns in the entire house. You turn back to him, Jungwon looking up at you with hopeful eyes. After this afternoon, his bright eyes make you ache for his side once more. You can’t help but notice he’s without his gloves, dressed down in what is surely an unseemly way, you are as well. Yet you long for the touch of his bare skin against yours, even if it’s just his palm clasped in your hand. 

“Will it be in your arms?” You ask.

“I desire nothing less,” Jungwon says, voice aching with conviction. You smile, reaching out to close your window. 

You snuff out your lamp as quickly as you can, then gently open your bedroom door. You must creep, as silently as you can, from your bedroom to the first floor, then make your way through the estate to the doors to the back garden. When you get there, you carefully ease that door open as well, closing it with a soft hand. You rush out into the middle of the garden, still dressed only in your housecoat and nightgown, looking for him.

“Was it my arms you wish to find solace in?” A voice speaks from the darkness and you turn towards it. Jungwon walks towards you, hands in his pockets. You rush towards him, his hands leaving his pockets so he can catch you when you run into his chest, your arms wrapping around his neck. Jungwon bundles you into his arms, holding you against him.

It’s the first time he’s ever held you, but you sink into the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around your body, the weight of him against you, the warmth of him seeping into you. You rest your cheek against his shoulder, hugging him to you. If this is the only time you’ll be able to do this, you’ll not forget it for the rest of your life. 

“So you haven’t changed your mind,” he whispers into your hair. You pull back to meet his gaze. “You never did. Did you?” 

“No,” you whisper. “My mother⁠—” 

“She doesn’t approve,” Jungwon says. You nod slowly. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. A woman such as yourself isn’t meant to marry beneath her, after all.” You frown at him. “I’m not worth much to them. I’m just a trader’s son⁠—” 

“Your status doesn’t mean anything to me. Marrying someone for status is useless. What about love?” You reply and his expression turns soft. “What about marrying someone because you love them? Because they make you feel happy and full and good in their presence? What about that?”

“Women like you aren’t supposed to yearn for love,” Jungwon says, lifting a hand to your cheek. “Love won’t bring you things you most desire.” 

“If love is not what I most desire when you do not understand what that word means,” you reply. He smiles at you, stroking his thumb over your cheek. 

“Run away with me?” He asks. 

“So suddenly?” You reply, staring up at him. “What if you grow bored of me?” 

“Do you think I’m the type to grow bored of people easily?” Jungwon asks. “I assure you I’m not.” 

“Of people? No. Of lovers? Perhaps,” you reply. His eyes widen, a smirk making its way across his lips. “You don’t see me as a temporary lover, do you?” 

His lips press to yours suddenly. It’s like he’s taken the breath from your lungs, your body paralyzed in his hold. His fingers hold you gently in place with a tenderness you’ve never experienced, your arms wrapping around his neck tighter once more. Jungwon’s hand guides you to tilt your head, his opposite arm wrapping tightly around your waist. 

You’re not courting, he’s not even attended you more than once, but you grip at his shirt, holding him tightly against your body, chasing the feeling of his mouth against yours. It’s an earth shattering kiss, one that makes it feel as though the entire world has melted away underneath your feet. Your knees are weak but he holds you up, keeping your body pressed against his own. He kisses you with a recklessness you have never known, a passion that makes you feel dizzy and lightheaded when he pulls away from you. 

“I’ve never had a lover before you,” he confesses, “and I don’t plan on ever having another after you.”

a/n: sometimes, it's about the ✨ romance ✨ it's about the longing, the yearning. that's what it's all about this time, baby. hope you enjoyed 💕

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𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐒/𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌

genre: fluff, established relationship

word count: 1.9k

a/n: guys it's 2am but i finally finished editing this... whatever that is. it's been a while since i posted this type of a fic so i hope you like it just as much as the previous ones!! 🤍

masterlist

LEE HEESEUNG

"I'll be right back, baby. Just give me ten minutes, okay?"

These were the words your boyfriend said to you twenty minutes ago as you patiently sat on the wooden bench in the empty locker room. His basketball team just won their first game of the season and now you wait for him to finally finish showering, so that the two of you can go back to his place and catch up on the much needed sleep. Much needed as he's the one who has deprived the both of you of it last night when he made you watch him practice nearly until morning.

So it's no surprise that as another minute goes by, you find your eyes growing heavy. Leaning your head back on the cool locker, you start dozing off when familiar footsteps finally approach your tired figure.

"Aww, sorry I kept you waiting, baby. I'm ready to go now, though," he says softly as his hand goes to swipe some hair away from your face. He grins as you blink slowly at him before slinging his bag over his shoulder and kneeling down in front of you. You don't have enough strength to question his behavior when he turns around and wiggles his fingers at you and looks over his shoulder. "C'mon, hop on. I'll carry you."

You manage to somehow climb onto his back and when your hands wrap around his neck securely, he hooks his arms under your thighs and lifts the both of you off the ground.

"Up you go," he grunts quietly, adjusting you in his arms before making his way out of the locker room. "Let's finally get my sleepy baby home, shall we?"

PARK JAY

Throwing his bag on the ground, Jay tosses the keys to the cupboard and feels his shoulders relaxing at the thought of seeing you after such a long day. Even though it's late at night, he knows you'll be stubbornly waiting for him like you always do, so instead of heading to the bedroom, he directs his steps to the living room.

And he was right – there you are, slumped over the arm rest of the couch, mouth slightly ajar because of the palm you're holding up your face with.

Jay snorts quietly, mind running back to all the times you've denied the possibility of ever falling asleep while waiting for your beloved boyfriend to come back home. He takes a mental note to remember that and tease you in the morning.

With a sigh, he crouches down in front of the couch and reaches his hand out to brush your cheek gently. The feeling of his cool fingers against your skin almost instantly wakes you up and you jerk underneath his touch, eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the dim lighting. When your eyes meet Jay's, you straighten your back and send him a guilty smile as if you've been caught committing a crime.

"Oh, you're back," you mutter tiredly, letting his fingers run over your eyes to wipe the sleep away from them. "I was so not sleeping, you're just tweaking."

Jay chuckles before standing up and pressing his lips to your forehead. You wrap your arms around his neck and close your eyes back again, feeling content now that he's finally back. Sighing, you softly kiss the crook of his neck before nuzzling your face into it.

Jay's hand is caressing your hair gently. "Let's get you to bed now, hm?"

SIM JAKE

"Well, aren't you just cute?" Jake huffs under his nose as the first thing he comes across of is you laying on the couch, face buried in one of the green cushions you bought on your last Ikea trip. He giggles quietly, heart feeling full as he looks at you with such lovesick eyes, you'd definitely be left blushing if you ever caught him like this.

He decides on not waking you up, realizing how tired you must've been if you actually fell asleep while waiting on him. So instead, he slips underneath the blanket right next to you. He turns to his side so that you're laying face to face and he smiles at the way your lips are slightly pouted. He leans forward and presses his forehead to yours, draping an arm around your waist as you subconsciously curl up to his body, seeking for his warmth even in your sleep.

Jake softly presses his lips right above your eyebrow when your eyelids slowly flutter open. You look at him with your foggy eyes before wrapping your arm around his neck and wordlessly pulling him even closer to yourself. You bury your face in his chest instead of the cushion now and slowly start dozing off again when his hand sneaks underneath your sweater and caresses your side gently.

"I'm glad you're home," you mumble into his skin, nudging his neck with your nose before leaving a butterfly kiss on the same exact spot. "Been waiting for you."

Jake feels his stomach tickle funny at your sleepy affection and he buries his smile in your hair. "Yeah, I know. You can go to sleep now. I'm not going anywhere."

PARK SUNGHOON

"How many times do I have to tell you not to wait for me this late, you idiot," Sunghoon scolds you as he adjusts your half-asleep body in his arms and carries on up the stairs.

You mumble an incoherent answer with mouth muffled by the warm skin of his neck. You hold him tighly, arms slung around his shoulders as you hang onto him like a baby monkey. Sunghoon has to bite his lip to prevent himself from snickering right then and there.

"What was that?" He asks, leaning his face a little closer to hear you better.

"You're so warm. Makes me even more sleepy."

Sunghoon can't help the chuckle that leaves his mouth anymore and he opens the door to your bedroom with his foot. He carries you straight to bed and places you on the soft mattress, only to quickly change into a pair of sweatpants and slip underneath the covers right next to you.

Your body moves almost automatically as you shift closely to your boyfriend and cling onto him once your arms make contact with his skin. You shuffle and twist in your place, somehow unable to find a comfortable position, because no matter how close you get to him – it's just simply not close enough tonight.

So you climb on top of his body and use him as a mattress instead, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

"I wanna get inside your skin. Lemme," you mumble tiredly and feel his chest vibrate with laughter.

His hand makes its way to your hair. "Some of the things you say when you're sleepy are quite concerning, sweetheart."

KIM SUNOO

Sunoo is greeted by the view of you and Riki chilling on the couch in their dorm. More precisely – Riki playing some videogame on playstation and you sprawled out by his side, the white controller laying on the carpet below you as you sleep soundly.

"What time did she get here?" Sunoo asks as he drops his training bag somwehere on the floor and approaches the two of you. He crouches down in front of you and picks up the long forgotten controller.

"Two hours ago maybe," Riki responds, eyes glued to the TV screen. "She wanted to wait for you but she fell asleep like half an hour ago. Made me lose my damn game."

The older one only sends him a glare paired with a scoff before turning his attention back to you.

"Y/N, wake up."

You peak one of your eyes open as another tap lands on your shoulder. When the first thing your met with is your boyfriend's pretty face, a smile spreads on your slightly chapped lips and you lift yourself up in your seat.

"You're back," you croak out, rubbing your eyes quickly before nuzzling your face in his chest. "Sorry for dropping by without giving you a warning. Jus' thought you'd be home."

Sunoo presses his lips to the crown of your head. "Don't apologize for things like that. You know I always like having you around."

You nod slowly, reaching your hands up until they're circling his neck. Turning your head to the side, you place a small kiss to the side of his jawline. "Can we go cuddle now?"

"How can I say no when you're this cute, huh?"

YANG JUNGWON

Jungwon tries, he really tries to be quiet. It's really not his fault that his clumsy nature made him bump his hip into the cupboard and cause the keys to topple down to the ground with a clank that probably could wake up a hundred year old half-deaf granny.

You open your eyes and lift yourself from the table you've been laying on top of, startled, head spinning from the sudden movement.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, angel. I didn't mean to wake you up," Jungwon apologizes as he rushes over to you from the other side of the kitchen.

You watch as he crosses the space quickly and plops down on the chair next to you, then wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you to his lap instead.

"No, it's okay," you say quietly as you clear your throat, lifting your head up to smile at him softly. "Was waiting for you anyways. I made you dinner. Just kinda fell asleep after cooking."

Jungwon giggles at the dissatisfied scrunch of your nose. He leans down to press a small kiss to the tip of it.

"Thanks for waiting for me, baby. And for cooking for me. That's really sweet of you, you didn't have to," he mutters, lowering his tone to match yours as he rubs your noses together. "Well, now that I'm finally here, how about I try some of it, huh?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea I suppose." You smile at him and bring your hand up to stroke the short hair at the back of his head. "Can we stay here a little longer, though? I missed you today. Wanna cuddle you."

He chuckles warmly at your words before leaning down and laying a kiss on your forehead. "Of course. We've got all the time in the world, angel."

NISHIMURA RIKI

"Baby?"

Silence.

"Baby."

Still nothing. The only thing Riki can hear is your slowed down breathing, slightly muffled by the fuzzy blanket you've pulled right above your nose.

"Y/N."

Now that finally wakes you up and you blink your eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of your living room. You lift your gaze to look at Riki standing in front of the couch you're laying on, a small smile playing on his lips.

"There you are," he huffs, slightly amused. "C'mon, let's get you to bed."

A grunt leaves your throat as you bury yourself even further into the back rest of the couch. You open your arms and lift the blanket a little as an invitation.

"C'mere. 'm too comfy to leave," you mumble groggily, barely managing to keep your eyes open.

With one more pleading look of your foggy eyes, Riki sighs and shakes his head at your stubborness.

"Tsch, fine." He clicks his tongue before standing up and laying down on the tight space right next to you. You don't waste a single second and wrap all of your limbs around his tall body, snuggling up to him with a content sigh.

"Perfect," you whisper as you press your face into his warmth and fall back asleep the moment that his arms wrap around your waist and pull you closer to his chest.

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© heeliopheelia 2023 // ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. DO NOT copy, translate or repost any of my works on any other social platforms.

Boyfriend! Jungwon x girlfriend! Reader

Baby, you're so preciou-ciou-ciou-cious!

You were watching your boyfriend, Jungwon, brush his teeth, finally spitting out the foamed up toothpaste, rinsing his mouth and drying it with his face towel. Your head tilted as you stood up and grabbed his towel, tapping his plushy lips gently before hanging it up again.

The action made Jungwon look at you with fondness, his smooth cheeks turning rosy as he gently placed his hands to rest on your hips, pulling you closer and kissing your nose. "Thank you, love." He said softly and nuzzled his face into your hair, inhaling the gentle smell of your shampoo since you had taken a shower previously.

You hummed in response and shimmied closer to him, burying your face in his neck and throwing your arms over his broad shoulders. You placed a gentle kiss on his jaw, before looking up at him with a smile. "Now let's go to bed, Wonnie! You were taking too long!" Your soft voice rang his eardrums pleasantly, a soft chuckle leaving him as he nodded.

"Yes, yes, ___ie, let's go." He said and placed a kiss on your forehead, feeling as your hand gently wrapped around his wrist to eagerly tug him out, which made him chuckle a bit more.

Once back to your shared bedroom, he flopped on the bed with a grunt, and you flopped on top of him, eliciting another grunt from him before a chuckle left him. Before he got the chance to wrap his arms around you, you got back up, off of him and flopped down beside him, grabbing one of your favorite plushies and closing your eyes as you cradled it close.

Jungwon looked at you with a deadpan expression, a whine leaving his lips as he tried to tug the plushie out of your hands. "___ie, we talked about this! No plushies during sleep! I like holding you!" He said, which caused you to whine louder than he did, a pout forming on your pillowy lips.

You cradled the stuffed animal closer, a huff leaving your nose. "But I wanna hold it!" You whined out, before pulling the one card Jungwon could never resist - puppy eyes -

Something about the way you manipulated your pretty eyes to look rounder and more innocent, the way you looked at him through your cutesy eyelashes, the way your eyebrows furrowed slightly and the way that sweet, adorable pout rested on your cute lips made it impossible for him to say no to anything your precious heart and brain wanted.

He groaned and huffed, whining as he tried to plead with you. "D... Don't do that, baby... you are playing dirty!" He said softly, which only made your pout grow bigger and your eyelashes to bat gently at him.

He groaned again and sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair in defeat. "Fine... you don't play fair, baby..." he said, a giggle of accomplishment leaving your lips as they curled into a smile.

You turned around and cuddled your plushie close, and felt his arms snaking around you, spooning you from behind. He buried his face into the back of your neck and closed his eyes, pressing a gentle kiss before humming quietly. "Goodnight, precious..." He said softly, the soft, sweet nickname causing your heart to flutter before it slowed down and you closed your eyes as well, mumbling a soft 'I love you too, Wonnie...', which brought a small smile to his lips as you both drifted to sleep, tangled in a gentle embrace.

This had me giggling and kicking my feet the entire time while reading cause is so cute and pure gonna read again and again

wishlist — yang jungwon. best friends to lovers. fluff.

synopsis. jungwon doesn’t understand why you won’t just tell him what you want for your birthday. clueless and determined to give you the best present, jungwon is left at a crossroad. instead of getting it wrong, he might just… confess? (7.1k words)

note. since 2022 is ending, i only saw it fit to write something for my bias based on my spotify wrapped top song. drum roll please … wishlist by txt! i have also missed writing for jungwon so i hope this is good!

I. 30 days before d-day

Yang Jungwon would like to think his meticulous 15-step plan for your birthday was going perfectly.

Despite still having a month until the celebration, he had prided himself in his preparations. A surprise birthday party should always be in order for his person where he can quietly hide his feelings, yet show them at the same time – through platonically giving you a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and writing a lengthy letter on how much you mean to him as a friend.

It is your birthday anyway, and he thinks you need to be reminded everyday of how loved you are. Nevermind if his love has seeped past the boundaries between platonic and romantic. You didn’t need to know that.

So, with 14 steps down his plan, he’d like to think it was going perfectly.

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