Kim Namjoon One Shot - Tumblr Posts

Every Part.

Prompt(s):

84. “Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just easier that way.”

Pairing(s): BestFriend!Namjoon x Reader

Genre(s): Angst, Fluff (maybe just a little)

Summary: Joon hasn’t seen his best friend Y/N in a while, even skipping their daily morning coffee dates. Deciding to check on her, he finds there may be more than a supposed ‘cold’ keeping them apart. How do you love someone that’s too afraid to be loved?

Warning(s): some allusion to toxic relationships (romantic and platonic), fear of being vulnerable, depression, ptsd

Word Count: 3k

It wasn’t like you to skip out on daily morning coffee. In fact, you had been quite vocal about it being the only thing to get you through the day; the dismal clouds parting above your head as the caffeine descends your throat and warms your veins in a way that can only be described as pure euphoria. Then, there was also Namjoon’s more than satisfactory company, to which he would counter is better than any warm drink could ever be and you didn’t have the heart to convince him otherwise.

These were two things, two whole things, that gave you reason to get up in the morning despite the ache in your soul and the dull stab in your heart. So why were you making yourself more miserable by denying yourself even that smallest bit of sanctuary?

It’s an easy question to ask and a frustratingly difficult one to answer. In retrospect, shouldn’t you be elated to have a wonderful escape, though minute as it was, from the never ending war of thoughts in your mind? Namjoon is your best friend, admittedly only friend, and he’d never wronged you in any way, shape, or form. In fact, he always understands your silent breakdowns and internal battles, never once questioning or judging. And yet, here you are, not only punishing yourself, but punishing him as well.

A light buzz interrupted your thoughts, pressing pause on the inner monologue to turn over in your disheveled bed. Pushing the covers away from your face, you grab the device discarded on the bedside table. Thinking back, you should’ve just turned the thing off if you didn’t want to talk to him, but even after ignoring him for the last six calls and messages, you couldn’t find it in yourself to completely cut him off.

Even in the darkest recesses of your mind, tainted by evil thoughts, a piece of you reached forward, searching for the tiny light of Namjoon despite the protests from the negative space. He is reminiscent the sun, whether you hate or love it each day, it’s always there, just like him.

Joonie💜:

-I know you don’t feel up to anything today, but please take care of yourself. I’m a call or text away if you need anything❤️

In spite of yourself, you crack the slightest smile at the message. Being the first one you’d opened in the last 3 hours, you were both relieved and regretful. You know Joon would never impose or push you to share the thoughts and feelings that plague your soul. You’d simply waved his concern off with a small fib of a cold keeping you from your daily routine.

A part of you knows his earlier messages may convey his suspicions of the sudden ailment, but seeing this last one, he’s either finally accepted it or just doesn’t want to pry. It’s the knowledge of the false truth, as simple as it may seem, that sends a swirl of upset through your gut.

You and Joon are as close as close can be and one thing you promised each other was to always be honest. Truth is incredibly important to Joon, important to you as well, and yet, the urge to indulge in this cardinal sin of your friendship won over.

It felt like an awful pattern, one you have been desperate to be free from. No matter how hard you try move on from the past, the negative thoughts, the toxicity of it all, it seems like it always follows, attracted as if centered in your own gravitational pull.

It was the smallest thing that set it off, a grain of sand in a vast ocean that sent tidal waves the size of skyscrapers crashing into your resolve. A simple brush of a hand pulling forth images of past events once thought forgotten. A black and white silent film of horrors replaying over and over again no matter how many times you tried to turn it off.

A glimpse of your father leaving you and your mother in tears, a flash of your first real boyfriend breaking your heart, a shot of your once best friend using those darkest secrets against you. Every person you’d ever been close to in life had found a way to inflict pain. The constant sting of the knife as you let your walls down only made them rebuild higher each time.

It was pure accident you’d managed to let Namjoon in in the first place, and he rooted so well behind those walls you’d thought it would all be different this time. No one had ever stayed this long, been real and honest this long, made you truly happy this long.

And no matter how many times you told the monster in your head that ‘he’s different,’ ‘he’d never do that to you,’ ‘he really cares,’ it reminded you just how many times those same things had been uttered of others. A father would never do that, yet he did. The seemingly love of your life was different from him, and yet he wasn’t. Your best friend truly cares, but she really didn’t. You’ve always been proven wrong; painfully and wholly wrong.

Instead of waiting around for Namjoon to prove himself just like them, deciding to cut your losses before the blow could build felt like the better alternative. To see him turn into the mold of everyone who hurt you before, you decided, would be worse than pushing away and cutting all ties. Instead of waiting for the impending heartbreak to crash into you, you’d drive into it head on and get it over with.

The worst part is the lie. Not the little white lie of a cold, but the lie that he believes you’ll come back to him. That this ‘cold’ will run it’s course and you’ll both be back to the way it was. You’d meet at the coffee shop on Main and he’d walk you home and spend the rest of the day chatting and laughing like normal; everything would be okay. He was none the wiser that those days were over; that you’d be gone from his life without any explanation.

It hurt. More than anything you’d ever felt before.

The last rays of sunshine filtered through the blinds hanging dully in the windows for mere seconds before disappearing behind the dark cast of the night sky.

You still hadn’t left the bed.

Just as you were about to close your eyes and give in to the sweet release of sleep, a knock reverberated throughout the tiny apartment. Your phone had long since died and you felt no urge to revive it, the forewarning of a late night visit unbeknownst to you. Eyes focused on the ceiling, you waited for the silence to span enough time to signal their leave, but the knocks only repeated, almost urgent this time.

The lack of food, water, and movement from the day spent wallowing in bed hazed your mind, and after what felt like the hundredth knock, you rose stiffly from the covers. Joints hissing and cracking as you engaged in the first bit of physical activity in the past 24 hours, you almost tipped over as the blood quickly rushed to your head, making it spin.

Not being able to form any fluent or cohesive thoughts, you wandered aimlessly through the dark apartment until reaching the door handle. You didn’t even bother peeking through the peephole, simply pulling the door until it jerked back from the still-latched chain and squinted out into the bright hallway.

Your eyes immediately adjusted to stare into the dark pair of eyes of the person you’d vowed to quit cold turkey. As he took you in, his face paled, features dropping as if he was staring into the face of death.

“I know you want to be alone right now, but please, don’t shut me out.”

His voice was hoarse, choked with emotions your fogged brain couldn’t comprehend. Refusing to lift the latch and allow him entrance, you stood still, not sure how to react, as your brain slowly processed what was happening.

Namjoon didn’t make any move to force himself inside, to push you to let him in. Instead, he kept your gaze focused on him as he assessed you. Wrinkled sweats and a hoodie that looked like they’d been slept in for multiple days wrapped messily around your small frame. Your hair a tangled, matted nest told him you hadn’t had a proper shower in a while. The skin around your eyes dark purple and sunken in, flesh a pale, sickly hue that scared him.

Namjoon was no fool, he knew what a cold looked like on you, and this was not right. In his gut, he knew since that day, that something had snapped within you.

It started out innocent enough, as he walked you home from the bookstore you’d frequented together. He had carefully brushed his hand against yours, heart aching to slip your fingers into his and hold on tight. Joon hadn’t truly realized his feelings had crossed from platonic to romantic until it hit like a freight train an hour prior.

Standing in the window of the store reaching skywards for a book that caught your eye, he’d graciously grabbed the book for you with a laugh, admiring your effort even though it was much too high. When he chanced a look down at you as he handed off the object of your struggle, he caught that gleam in your eye as you smirked at him. The light of the setting sun formed a soft orange halo that enveloped every curve and dip of your body in a radiant glow. 

He was entranced, watching your fingers flip through the pages cautiously, face warmed by the sun, cheeks tinged an adorable light pink. You looked like an angel sent directly from the heavens above and it stole his breath away.

Namjoon’s friendship with you is his most prized possession. In that moment his heart yearned for more, but his mind told him that if he pushed too hard, he’d lose you. In the simplest of hand brushes, he thought he’d be able to convey to you in a subtle, careful way what he was feeling in that moment, hoping and praying deep down you felt the same.

It all shattered when he saw that gleam in your eyes dim, flushed cheeks devoid of their once healthy glow, as if you’d been touched by a ghost. His heart broke into a million little pieces, sensing deep down he had likely dismantled everything you’d ever built together with the most innocent of gestures.

A needle brought down the entire haystack.

At first, your excuse of illness didn’t perturb him. It wasn’t until day three that he knew his instincts were right; that something more serious was going on. When you ghosted him all day, he thought, for a brief moment, you might be gone. It sent him into a frenzy that led to racing up the steps of your building panicked, pounding harshly on your door until he could confirm with his own eyes you were here. That you were okay.

Only, that wasn’t what was confirmed to him at all once he saw you. Your body may physically be here, but it looked like your soul, your whole being, had dissipated and left nothing but a walking husk in its wake. If anything, seeing you right now only made him all the more terrified.

Namjoon may be your closest friend, but that did not make him privy to your darkest thoughts. One didn’t, however, need to be explicitly told of the sorrows you’d endured, but need only to experience how you interacted with the world around you.

He saw it in the little things, like how you’d shut down after seeing a happy family in public.

Or how the mentions of finding a boyfriend from his friends when he’d managed to get you to hang out would cause you to excuse yourself and avoid contact afterwards.

Most importantly, it was in the way that no matter how close the two of you seemed to get, he was never allowed into the deepest parts of your mind, to let him share the burden or see the truth that lay inside of you.

He had all the warning signs, yet his heart was selfish and greedy, wanting a piece of you he knew you kept locked away, and it was that longing for more that took it all away.

Namjoon would take it back if he could.

“Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just easier that way.” 

The words slipped out before you had the mind to just shut the door and pretend it never happened. Your throat was dry, coarse, and it translated into the rough tone of your voice. You didn’t even recognize it as your own as it rang through the still air.

Eyes glued to the dirty carpeting of the landing, you couldn’t find the strength to look him in the eyes again. The longer you stood there, mere inches of wood separating you, the harder it got to hold your resolve. It was easy to keep away when he wasn’t there to remind you of all of the reasons to stay and fight.

The silence was deafening, neither party knowing the right thing to say, if there even was anything ‘right’ to say in the first place. If you couldn’t be honest with yourself, how could you ever expect to be honest with Namjoon?

Running away, leaving, abandoning things. That was the only course of action you’d ever bore witness to when it came to relationships. If it was so easy for your father, your boyfriend, your best friend, to leave you, why was it so difficult for you to leave Namjoon?

The salty taste in your mouth gave way to the tears that flowed freely down your face, even though you hadn’t given them consent to do so. You didn’t want him to see you like this, so broken at your own undoing. 

As much as a part of you wanted to blame Joon, to say that this was his fault, you knew it wasn’t. As much as you wanted to blame the past, the monstrous characters that shaped your negative outlook on the world, you didn’t.

It must have been, and always will be, your fault.

If everyone in your life leaves, the only constant factor, is you. There must be something wrong with you that forces people out, makes it easier for them to walk away. 

Like the second a bomb goes off, the realization that all the pain you’d endured: the wars waged in your mind, the destruction of yourself and the life you tried to salvage, could all be self-inflicted tore apart every fiber of your being with the initial blast.

For so long you’d chalked the misfortune up to bad luck; ill-fate. You were a victim of circumstance. Yet now all you could see was yourself at the root of every disaster. 

Suddenly drowning a the sea of self-deprecating thoughts, the weight of your body felt like a ton of bricks with which you no longer had the strength to support. 

Falling to your knees, you didn’t realize you had, at some point, subconsciously unlatched the door, until warm, strong arms caught you in your dissent. 

They held you as you cried; a loud, ugly cry, that had your inner-self cringing. It couldn’t be helped, though, and you no longer cared as you let the sobs wrack every part of you. The only thing anchoring you being the man you tried so desperately to push away.

His soft ‘shs’ combined with the soft glide of his hand in your hair calmed you despite the circumstances. You were a complete and utter mess.

And yet, Namjoon was still here.

After the stress you’d put him through, the lies, the ghosting, the cold shoulder, he remained constant, steady throughout the storm. He didn’t walk away when things got difficult, he didn’t blame you, he didn’t hurt you.

He is here, holding you, telling you it’s going to be okay.

The small part of you, the dark piece tainted by the negativity, had quietly retreated within you. The tiny hand reaching out for Namjoon’s light had prevailed. That film inside your brain burned away like acid as a new one began production. One in bright, saturated color; full of all the wonderful things you’ve experienced life with Namjoon.

Coffee dates, movie nights, grocery runs at 3 a.m.

Bad jokes, boisterous laughter, warm blankets.

Tight hugs, pinky promises, your best friend.

“I’m right here. I’ll always be right here,” he whispers through tears. He’s holding you tightly, despite the part of his mind screaming at him that this is what got him into trouble in the first place. His deep, innate need to protect you, to hold you, won over any worries he had of pushing you further away. When he felt your arms wrap tightly around him, face nuzzling into his chest, he knew he’d made the right choice.

In the end, it wasn’t space that would heal your heart, but closeness. You’d been so scared of him leaving, you tried to force him away, when he wanted nothing more than to keep you close. 

Finally, you realized that Namjoon was the only person who has ever stayed. He’d had plenty of time to walk away, been given a multitude of opportunities to excuse himself from your life, yet he never did. 

He rode out everything you’d thrown at him. 

As you both sat there, tear-streaked messes holding each other as if your lives depended on it, you knew that this storm had passed. Despite any damage it had caused, with Namjoon by your side, it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be repaired.

Letting a person in when you’ve been broken so many times is not easy and it never will be. A part of you will always be wary that one day something will change, that you might eventually wake up and be on your own again. It is a part of dealing with the trauma you’ve faced.

While Namjoon can never ‘fix’ the ‘broken’ parts of you, he will be there to show you new, beautiful parts of yourself that have long gone overlooked. To be the shoulder you can cry on, the ear you can confide to, the heart you can someday love without reserve.

It’s never been about putting the pieces back together, tearing the walls down, or proving the past wrong.

Namjoon’s only wish is to be there for you in any way you let him, to be himself, and live life with the person he cares about the most. 

So, he’ll be there through every pitfall, every tear, every laugh, every smile, because to Namjoon, every part of you is worth sticking around for. Always. 

“Thanks for not leaving.”

Hello love, i want to request namjoon drabble.. 'He always forgets date night' and yn getting tired about it 🍭🍭

Supposedly Necessary Disclaimer: The above gif was made and edited by me, kutemouse. That is why I’ve posted this under the tag #btsgif. Feel free to use this gif however you want, just please give me credit for the edit. I made it from the commercial BTS did for the LG G7 Thinq phone, all credit to them and BigHit.

Well hello love! Okay, so your request didn’t ask for fluff, angst, or smut so I kinda took some liberties with it? Haven’t written smut in a while, so I put some of that in. Don’t worry, it’s hella light… However. If anyone wants a part two with full-on, delicious, downright dirty smut, I will gladly write one 😈 Hell, I might just write one anyways, ‘cause sex with Joon is *chef’s kiss* especially in this kind of scenario 😉 I always imagine him as a sweetly passionate lover. Anyways, hope you like kutie anon! 💜

Age Recommendation: 18+ (When I say “recommendation,” I mean hard-and-fast rule, especially for one-shots like this one)

Warnings: You being all pissy, some angst, some sweet fluff, hecka light smut like nothing more than you’d see or hear about in a PG-13 movie, making out, Joon’s delicious lips, mentions of lingerie. SWEARS (duh).

Word Count: 1,124

“The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” ~ Lao Tzu 

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Red Flame (Namjoon Drabble, Light Smut, Bit ‘O Angst, Bit O’ Fluff) Part One

You sat on the couch, your arms folded, your lips tightened in a pout. He forgot. Again. You were so tired of this. You knew your boyfriend was a famous idol, but the production of this latest album was slowly draining your relationship from a roaring wave of passion and love to a trickle of anger and disappointment.

Really though, you weren’t asking for much. Just for him to be home in time for a nicely cooked dinner that you made from scratch and some long-overdue romance. You even put on a cute little dress for him, hoping to drive him crazy enough to realize what he was missing. That, however, was nothing compared to the red-hot ensemble you had underneath the dress.

You sighed and stood up, blowing out the candles that were already melted to stubs. You put the leftovers of the meal you made into containers and put those in the fridge. The silence coming from your bedroom mocked you as you walked into it. You were just about to unzip and toss away your dress when you heard the front door open.

“Baby girl?” his voice called out.

You turned, anger setting in. Oh hell no. He doesn’t get to “baby girl” you after completely forgetting date night.

The sounds of your bare feet coming down the hall sounded like a death march to Namjoon. He knew he screwed up. Yoongi had kept him in the studio to hash out the lyrics for their final track, making him totally lose track of time. Luckily, Namjoon had thoughtfully picked up a bouquet of red roses on his way home in an effort to try and make up for what he did.

The roses did give you pause, and you almost smiled as he offered them to you, one side of his mouth turned up. Could you really be mad at that cute face, especially when he brought you flowers? When he looked like a total snacc in that blue button-up paired with tight jeans? When his dark hair was parted just enough to expose the golden skin of his forehead?

You shook your head slightly and set your frown like cement. Hell yes you could be mad, and this time, you were determined to let him have it.

“Why are you late?” you snapped.

Namjoon winced at your harsh tone. “I’m so sorry, baby girl, I was in the studio with Yoongi and we–”

“I don’t care.” You cut him off.

He rolled his eyes, fanning the flame of your anger into a full-out fire. “Baby, you just asked me why I was late. Don’t cut me off when I’m answering your question.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you retorted. “Especially after you forgot date night again.”

“I didn’t forget, I’m just late.”

“As if that’s any better!”

Your voice rose and Namjoon held his hands up. “Enough,” he said calmly. His placid tone only served to infuriate you more.

“No it is not enough!” you growled. “I’m sick of this, Joon! I planned out dinner, I made it all myself, took hours to do so, the least you could do is–”

He cut you off by rushing towards you, smothering your lips with his as his large hands grasped either side of your face. You grunted in surprise, your eyes wide, before you melted like wax into the kiss.

Your lips broke apart, and before you could meld them back together, Joon whispered, “I’m really sorry, baby,” and began kissing down your jaw. Your anger fettered out like a flame that had no more wick left to burn as his lips moved to your neck, feathery light yet hard at the same time.

“God I love you,” he murmured and kissed back up to your lips. This time, the kiss he gave you was less sweet and more spice. He roughly pushed his mouth around yours, hungrily devouring you. This. This is what you had been waiting for all day. No, all week. Hell, all month. His tongue swiped along your bottom lip, making you gasp and allow it to slip in and tangle with yours.

He groaned and walked you backwards to the couch, holding you steady as you both collapsed on it, mouths and tongues still mingled together. Joon separated himself from you with a groan, kneeling in between your legs as he slid to the ground. “I know I screwed up,” he murmured, touching your face and stroking a thumb across your cheek.

His dark eyes bore into yours, filled to the brim with lust and love. “But I want you to know how much I appreciate your effort, baby. You did all this for me, you wore this dress…” he tapered off with a growl, smoothing his hands down your hips and thighs, intermittently squeezing. “For me.”

“Then why let it all go to waste?” you whispered. Despite the heat wave covering your entire body, you were still disappointed. This night had definitely not gone the way you wanted it to.

Namjoon gave you a smile. “It’s not going to waste, baby. We can still make tonight a good one. And I promise you, on pain of death, I will do everything I can to make it on time next time.”

“What if there’s not a next time?” you said, only half-teasing. You kind of meant it. If he wasn’t going to show up for date night, then why put in any effort at all?”

“Oh, baby girl… After I make this up to you, you’ll want a next time for sure.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Joon caught his lower lip between his teeth, slowly releasing it. You stared at the reddening flesh. “It is definitely so,” he said, his voice husky and deep.

You gave in, completely succumbing, realizing no matter what you did or how mad you were, that flame of anger would always burn out only to be replaced by a tidal wave of passion. That’s how it always was with Namjoon. You never had prolonged arguments, because the second he did something wrong, he owned up to it and made it up to you tenfold. Usually in a sexual way, but hell, you weren’t complaining.

Namjoon kissed you for a while longer before scooping you up, causing you to let out a shriek. “Don’t worry, baby girl,” he said, tossing you on your bed and clambering over you. “I’ll make you feel so good, you’ll forget all about how mad you were.”

You bit your lip, anticipation rising inside of you, making you clench your thighs together and your cheeks flush. Namjoon may not be the absolute perfect boyfriend… not even close. But he was perfect for you.

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Again, if anyone wants a part two, please let me know! Hope you enjoyed 💜