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This Single Oversight Will Bring Irken-Kind to Its Knees

I have a little riddle for you.

What does an ant nest, a computer, and the ancient city of Troy have in common?

While you ponder the significance of this question and consider your answer, there’s a few things I want to analyze about the worldbuilding of Invader Zim.

We may have heard it said before, least I have (and agree), that the fate of the IZ universe appears to be a rather bleak picture.

Through our lens of focus, being upon Earth and an oh-so specific nutball waging his battle upon humanity, we often don’t do as much thinking about the larger cosmic war taking place meanwhile. Not between the Meekrob and Tenn, not between the Tallest and every dumb luck threat they are thrown against, but between the Irken Armada and all life in the entire universe, sentient or not.

Their intentions will not be made any more clear, between outright eradication or eventual enslavement of every lifeform they set their sights on. While they have alliances and neutral treaties, those agreements seem few and far between, as well as born from temporary conveniences. The cards have already been dealt, and all available evidence has indicated that every planet they are aware of is doomed from the moment The Massive was operational.

Though littered with inefficiencies and incompetency that could suggest an empire in internal decline, the development of the control brains and other centralized command crutches of the species suggests the Irkens can still keep a well oiled machine running, no matter how many mishaps happen along the way. At least, that machine and their plundered resources will definitely outlast the survival of their enemies, for sure.

To speak of their enemies, there has not been a single competitive race within the show that demonstrates any credible threat to Operation Impending Doom II- only those that can resist the conquest a little bit longer than others, or those who survive by appeasing Irk (or evading its detection). The fall of Vort, which stood as the homeworld of the only aliens with the technological ability to match the armada’s firepower is…. Really bad news. That’s to say the least of comparatively primitive, TINY planets like Earth or Blorch, standing zero chance in the way of what’s eventually coming. This is a war that has continued despite the death of two.. FOUR Almighty Tallests if you follow the movie’s events… and Irkens wholly are still thriving for it across the Galaxy.

So, given all of these facts, and the perception that the Irkens (like any invasive species or colonial force) don’t seem to be a society that will make responsible and/or sustainable use of their ill-gotten territory… it seems like this is how life across the universe ends in Invader Zim one day: Not with a bang, not with the whimper of heat death, but through screams muffled under the bloody boots of a dominant predator- a predator that is, itself, doomed to cannibalize its own once it hits the carrying capacity of all existence.

Bleak, concrete, and horrific as that may sound, there’s still a “however” here to consider!

Yep, that’s me about to point one of my big fat fingers to the sky and protest- Irk just might be,

Not so Undefeatable, after all!

And not only have I figured out exactly what sort of countermeasure you need to destroy these invaders, I have reason to suspect it’s a plan already long ago set into motion.

Let’s break it down,

An Irksome Achilles’ Heel

True, individually, the bug bastards are irritatingly tough to kill through conventional means. True, collectively, they are nigh impossible to outmatch. And more than most anything else, they owe this tenacity to two things: numbers, and R&D. Possessing some of most state of the art pinnacles in transportation, communications, and military equipment, the Armada found a knack for being able to steamroll most lesser planets before it.

The genius of the individual PAK unit grants each and any one Irken a theoretical path to partial immortality itself, by route of consciousness archiving. I strongly believe that kind of cybernetic progress was also one of the stepping stones that led to the creation of the Control Brains. Nonetheless, this very same strength of the Irkens’ has also proven to be the source of their greatest vulnerability.

Paks, Paks… Oh Paks. The entire race’s civilization revolves around such technology the way we do around our own brains, our own hearts, and our communicative network. For all intents and purposes, and as I’ve gone on about ad nauseum in my other spills about the show, a PAK is all and at once

• Synonymous with the holder of their soul, consciousness, being, whatever you want to call their personhood.

• Able to have their data repurposed by future generations, in the result of an Irken’s permanent death.

• A universal necessity shared by the entire population.

• Susceptible to alterations, sometimes by intelligent enough individuals (as demonstrated by the Zimvoid comic arc), but usually by a Control Brain, directly.

In addition to that last quality, there’s another way the code in a PAK can be changed, for better or worse- Via evolution. Though I am talking about digitized neurology, the actual data in a PAK is a lot more comparable to biological DNA or a “self-learning” AI than it is a rigid computer program. By this, I mean that its code is subject to certain changes over time, perhaps both directed and completely random, particularly during the recycling of its information back into the Smeeteries.

And this is actually good design on the control brains’ part, the same way not reproducing Irkens as genetically identical clones was. Genetic and digital diversity are desirable goals to keep in mind if you want a healthy and versatile stock of workers, engineers, soldiers, and everything in between. We’re talking about highly sentient, highly intelligent, and emotional organisms here. A static drone mindset is going to offer them inadequate ability to adapt to their lengthy life experiences or be unique persons. How else would social mobility have purpose in their world? How else could the cream of the crop rise so far above their peers? That positive was deemed worthy of an obvious risk, however: computational errors.

When the Bugs Get Bugs

 IZ does not clearly lay out what it means for an Irken to be defective, but it gives us a general idea. Defectiveness is not something diagnosed from a code scan for this missing value or that incorrect variable. It’s not judged by one specific character trait or quality that’s abnormal for an Irken to display. “Defective” is a judgement stamp, wielded by the Control Brains when they gauge the total sum value of a life’s contribution to the species. And it’s not one given to Irkens which are merely incompetent, no. Anyone proven to be unfit for their standing is given generous opportunity for redemption or simply reassigned a more suitable occupation. If it were based on likability, we’d have seen Skoodge sent to Judgementia years ago.

Rather, it’s given to those who are viewed as so twisted that they are proven to be an existential danger to their brethren. Irkens that are so destructive to the essence of the collective that their memory must be purged from the record and their identity erased.

I adore the enthusiasm behind fans who want to view this as an analogy for disability or neurodivergence against a conformist society, but the metaphor I’m seeing is one of extreme antisocial behavior. A defective Irken screams less “adhd/autism” to me than they do serial murderers (of their own) or outright traitors. Pardon the use of a gross phrase, but it’d seem we were talking about an Irken equivalent of what the outdated gens would have dubbed the “criminally insane”. No one on screen has ever shown Skoodge or Tak the sort of concern that would get them sent to the Spike of Judgement, but when Zim was in that hot seat? NO one was doubting what his verdict would be.

^ courtesy of “The Trial’s” transcript

I think about the 40 shmillion mistakes a lot.

It’s such a vague quantity. But it sure sounds like a hell of a big one. And what mistakes… what did the lil squirt even have to compare them to? There’s no standard one person an Irken can be. Every presentation of the flaws in that code to the control brains hasn’t ended up a flaw to him.

I only started writing this because I really couldn’t stop thinking about the 40 shmillion. There’s no chronological room for bad self-modding to add up to that so quickly.  DNA replication, nature’s own sloppy and random process of creating new life, can be excused around 120,000 hiccups when duplicating with a 6 billion pair-long protein. But this kind of shuffling is under a futuristic AI’s precise eye. Yes, defects happen, but as bad as him? From birth??? How could you possibly get that many detrimental deviations from the mechanical fucking god-queen(s) of their entire homeworld?

And then it hit me.

You don’t. Not from Irk.

The hot take I’ve been charging for this entire time is thus.

Zim is not defective by any random accident. In fact, I smell the tampering of foreign sabotage.

Not only is this guy the thing his kind fears more than any else, they have every right to be shaking in their stance.

That puzzle i posed at the beginning of this journey, have you seen what I’ve seen yet?

Because the answer I was looking for as to what similarity connects an anthill, a PC, and a city from Greek legend was a most effective tactic for taking them down.

Do you know the best way to deal with a bad ant infestation? Cuz you can lay down all the raid and crushing action you want, but you won’t really be getting anywhere unless you target the pests directly at their queen. To that end, liquid ant baits are marvelous inventions- a sweet substance hiding a small amount of slow acting poison. Poison to be peacefully delivered by the stomach of an ant to the rest of her colony, poisoning her kin, who sicken more members, on and on until the queen is destroyed and the entire nest perishes. An insidious toxin to do all the work while its user never lifts a finger, pretty ingenious.

And when it comes to computers, we also have ways to attack entire networks at source, from quietly and far away. “Trojan” was a category of malware responsible for 64.31% of all cyber attacks on Windows systems in 2022, and they still make up a majority of active malware hits today. The concept is deviously simple. The malicious code is hidden within an innocent looking program, maybe even within a legitimate software that does what it’s supposed to. Once the stowaway is invited into the system, it can get down to it some sneaky, nasty, destructive work on your device. As for what those acts could look like, well, malware exists to do all kinds of things. Mostly something involving trying to get money/information from you or hijacking your computer for whatever its creator wants to use it for. And some of them will just up and wreck your shit, disable your antivirus software to open you up to more infections, disable important operations, wipe your data. Use your imagination.

And as for Troy.. well, where do you think Trojan programs got their name? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, Irkens have their Armada, bionic drones, and homeworld- in other words, the thriving swarm of army ants, the billions to trillions of computers they so rely on, and their nigh untouchable fortress, always at war.

And some damn crafty bastard(s) in the stars said

“Here is their sugar-bait,”

“Here is their cyber attack,”

“Here is their wooden horse.”

And one particular race is going to be getting the last laugh before long.

Nerds That Are GOATed With the Sauce

That’s right, I thought about this all the way through to finding our prime suspect. And let me tell you, NO ONE in the Galaxy reeked of fish like the Vortians did. Get over here and lemme show you my whiteboard with all the red circles and polaroids on it.

- The Means

In a way of tragic irony, Vort has contributed more than any else to the same Irken conquest that turned on them in the end. A natural talent for cutting edge engineering and technical development actually does not seem to be what Irk already came into the ring with. For how mighty and superior they view themselves, the greatest achievements of their military can actually be owed to Vortian outsourcing. When we would have gotten a look at Tallest Miyuki’s very own “finest minds” during her reign, notice something interesting about these guys below,

Zim there is the ONLY Irken to be found! Yes, transferred there because of the punchline explanation of ‘he breaks everything he touches so maybe he’ll have an affinity for weapons research’ but damn right he actually did! And still does; I don’t want it to go unsaid that Zim has shown MUCH more technological skill and innovation than near any other Irken we’ve seen.

Another fun thing to note about this is that Lard Nar was also part of this lineup, and in the transcript he was in the process of working on the blueprints for The Massive. (which leaves you with the cursed knowledge that Zim, Prisoner 777, and Lard were all familiar coworkers long before the events of the show) And that brings me back to what I’m saying about the real reason the Vort natives were enslaved and imprisoned instead of outright sweeped after conquering. The Armada needs their skills, because Vortian advancement is something their own scientists couldn’t come close to. Left to their own devices, Vort could have easily outmatched them at an earlier point in history. It’s a people that figured out infinite power sources and potentially wormhole technology, while PAKs were something a disfigured human tween with a lot of time on his hands was able to crack. If anyone could outpace and outsmart the defensive measures of the Control Brains, it’s going to be them. And what better, cleaner way to sabotage the enemy than from within. 

The very same strings of inserted code that cursed Zim with his delusions, paranoia, lust for destruction, and horrible tactics may also have blessed him with a determination and intellect higher than almost any creature alive. The saboteur gave Irk the most powerful racecar in history, and then fitted it with bicycle brakes. No matter how hard Zim tries to conform to what will give him admiration, no matter how competent he is at keeping himself alive, it’s as if he is instinctually compelled toward whatever actions will cause the MOST damage to his allies in the process. Dib may think he’s the bulwark against the invasion when, ironically, he’s fighting against the one being that’s predetermined to be the arrow that strikes Irken leadership right in their dumb, green heels. (There is also an instance in the comics where Dib figures out that Zim is the ace in the hole for total Irken eradication but that’s another fun story.)

Oh, oh HO HO, and that’s only what he’s capable of doing before the empire’s actual immune system against defects like him wakes up and notices!

Three planetary blackouts, two dead generals, and a whole swath of dead invaders was just the fucking warm up, babey! All that is merely the kind of loud disruption that you need in order to fulfil the real thing this Trojan horse exists for in the first place.

What a celebration of hubris the Spike of Judgement was. Yeah, let’s take our method of filtering the corrupted data from the hive mind, and completely centralize it on a single planet! As well, let’s have the very purging agents also be the same ones to perform the evaluations themselves, I’m sure that it would be unthinkable for any outsider to design a worm that could make it through the brains’ firewalls. Goddamn spectacular. Like inserting an infected USB into your laptop, the Tallest never realized what kind of beast they woke up by plugging that PAK into the Spike’s mainframes. Those brains were meant to handle an expected spectrum of deviation when it came to defective Irkens, never a sleeper virus of this complexity.

From here it probably won’t even matter if Zim survives much longer on Earth, his virus has already spread to the very thing relied upon to keep things like him out of the data pool in the first place. With the Judgementia brains corrupted and no higher authority to overrule them, the firewall is effectively broken, and you know what that means? Bigger cracks for future defectives to start trickling through, both spontaneous and artificial. The ideal scenario is one where a degenerating and glitched population accelerates the incompetency of the empire to the point where it just implodes on itself; nevertheless, even a disease that only slows down Operation Doom could be a game changer, by giving the rest of the little guys more time to band together a coalition strong enough to strike back when the time is right.

- The Motive

The history of these two races’ alliance is something I lament us not having more lore to pull from- how far back it goes, what the character of the Vort was like during that time, what the Irkens had offered in return- a few among dozens of questions it rears.  The implication behind how it ended lies in Zim’s creation that slayed Tallest Miyuki. Interestingly, the Empire never received the memo of what exactly went down, or, perhaps, stubbornly denied the account of the other scientists who were there that day. Neither Red/Purple nor the Judgmentia Brains had any idea that Zim’s actions led to the death of a Tallest. So, makes sense that the Vortians became the unintentional scapegoat (no pun intended) for the incident, and the rest is history.

Note: It’s also in the realm of possibility that Vort was actually the one to withdraw from the alliance instead, given that the same blob that devoured Miyuki (purely the fault of their Irken transfer) also went on to cause untold amounts of devastation. Red’s reaction to the real story stuck out to me as more telling, although.

But why am I even talking about this? Zim was decades old before war was declared on them, and either people’s regard to each other seemed strangely… respectful, if anything.

But, was Vort really a monolithic bunch? Irk was already an empire by this point, and diplomacy with those they needed something from did not mean they weren’t otherwise an aggressive force in the universe. For all we know, the alliance itself might have been coerced, or result of depraved leadership among the Vortians.  Any citizen with a conscience who could see the writing on the walls would be disgusted by giving so much aid and brown nosing to such a menace, no? I know who would have seen that writing before anyone else. Brainiacs who are smart enough to build something like The Massive and all its bells and whistles would know better than anyone just what it was all capable of in the wrong hands. The collateral damage against your own people might be a sacrifice worth making in the face of the alternative.

- The Oppurtunity

So.. that’s all well and good, yeah? A why, and a what, yet this is actually the tricky part of saving the galaxy,

Sneaking your StupidifyIrk.exe file onto the assholes’ homeworld without alerting either them or your own treacherous, weak, collaborator superiors to your actions. Infecting and releasing a random Irken alive would be far too dangerous, far too noticeable to the point where they could just be destroyed outright before given a chance to wreak real havoc.

But what about releasing a dead Irken? 🤔

PAKs are only screened for criminal flaws when errors begin to affect their body’s behaviors in destructive ways. A fully competent scientist, or soldier, or navigator performing a lifetime of loyal service to the empire and then meeting an unfortunate end? Their minds’ shadows can be accepted back into the data pool no questions asked. That’s only business as usual.

That almost makes new smeets something of a reincarnation of their ancestors. Personally, I see it kind of like replaying a video game and re-rolling your stats, even if you’re reusing your character’s name and general play style.

Either way, we come full circle to my theory about Zim’s actual origin. Maybe not “our” Zim, but the previous iteration of data that was shuffled to create his person. Whoever they were, I’m convinced that they were also an exceptional individual. They were probably pretty arrogant, but it was a more earned confidence, and they were a prodigy genius, the likes of which that was drawn to work alongside Vortian allies, as another researcher. Then, an untimely demise befell them. I couldn’t say they fell victim to some unfortunate accident, considering the cockroach durability of their body. No, I find it a lot easier to imagine they met their end in one of the more embarrassing ways for an Irken to die- A PAK stolen, disabled or forcefully detached by an assailant they might have allowed a little closer than they should have. To the homeworld, it’s a small matter. One more PAK recovered by the natives of the friendly planet, brought back home to be repurposed by the smeeteries, right?

Well, that’s what one smartass might have been hoping for.

And they really were a clever cookie, because that scheming seed is fruiting beautifully.

A Messy, Sedulous Necropsy of Zib Membrane

That’s what we call him right? Not Invader Zib? Hell if I know, we’ll let the tags decide.

Whatever he is christened by his author, enemies, or fans, this titular villain of the Zimvoid is such a mind blaster to me. I wish we had more time with him within the comics. I wish he had been a concept explored in the show. I wish he had a movie. I am having fun with a little hyperbole here, but I truly do find him just as interesting and potentially pivotal of an antagonist as Tak was, if not even more.

Both, of course, were so badly underutilized for sake of the series status quo. To that, Zib was a much bigger threat than Tak, and especially to that of the comics’ own. He potentially changes everything, and somehow absolutely nothing by the end. The TV show always had a more overt tone of cruelty and the macabre floating about its themes. These print issues? I don’t dislike them. It’s still recognizably invader Zim, and the more the merrier, content-wise, but longtime fans can feel that there was this change of essence in the transition. More obviously, in the art, but more subtly, there was an audible softening of that bluntly darker, cynical tone the show was made iconic for. To put it very generally, they lean a little more into the whackiness of this world, there’s a lot more dark comedy to be found in what I’ve seen so far rather than in your face darkness, and in the absence of the ost and voice acting the show accustomed us to, the comics leave a lot more room to be read as you wile. To me, they’re goofier and more episodic in spirit.

This all is not a critique or rating on the comics.. It’s purely, I feel, why Zib stuck out to me all the more jarringly in his context. His reveal was a genuine twist that brought forth stakes higher than arguably any other threat in the entire franchise. He represents a plausible while horrifying prophecy of our main characters if only they made worse decisions. The most interesting of all, for every piece of amazing information he fed to us, he bred dozens more questions about everything than he answered, from Irken machinations, to his ambivalent backstory, to the secrets hidden by the sum of his parts.

Though he was left evidently alive at the end of his story, I don’t see any chance for him making a return, so he is memorialized as another defeated one-off the writers have brisked past and left behind for good. Therefore, I’m here today to take what we got and present it on the metaphorical autopsy table. I want to really pull apart why this character alone pulled me back into the TV series, really just flay open the bits I can’t get out of my own head and dig harder until we find something or we run out of threads to tug at. Starting with the one already hanging out of my mouth, but

• B.E.F

“Bad End Friend” is a term I learned the meaning of within the last 12 hours or so of writing this, and I’m exuberant over that discovery. It’s a niche trope i didn’t know ive been a giant fan of since I was a child. Summed up, fictional characters from beloved media, typically, animated child protagonists… given the worst case scenario treatment. Their “bad ending”, whether that means a corruption arc, demonic possession, a lovecraftIan tragedy… usually something that’s anywhere along the lines of a fate worse than death to a full villainous turnover. As a treat. The concept is strongly associated with fanworks and AUs of popular media, but just as often this is something that becomes explored in the source material as well. A couple great examples I know would probably be Ice Prince Finn from Adventure Time or what happens in Undertale when you decide you want to run the most depraved playthrough possible. From a more mature story, “Evil” Morty is another validly arguable sample.

Besides a bit of a fondness I got going for certain dark or spooky themes in general, what I REALLY love about canonical BEFs the most is their utility as characterization tools. They’re the “having your cake and eating it too” option! The perfect way for an author to explore certain things about any character without actually committing to well… a bad ending.

Almost always, they are necessarily hypothetical or reversible. If they’re not reversible, they go often hand-in-hand with a little universe tampering to make happen. Sometimes, this means the story goes the way of time travel and branching off butterfly effects. Sometimes it means confirming multiverse theory, which can be the same thing depending on your semantical position.

And Zib crossed off the BEF qualifications by far and away. His implications are extremely dark given any pause think about them, and he’s a living, disturbing tragedy in aftermath. If you want to view a rigamarole about that aspect of his characterization as he appeared in the comics, someone else long beat me to that and I’m enthusiastically recommending a peek at their own work. I’m thrilled to do so and build a little upon that with those extended what-if-wonders.

• Lessons From a Lost Episode

Elephant in the room I haven’t seen someone ask yet, uh..

By show rules, isn’t Zib supposed to be a clear case of the writers committing the sin of retcon? By show I’m including the unaired scripts, including “10 Minutes to Doom”. In that one we had what looked like the potential setup for a Zib case, and it was deconstructed across the whole episode.

In short recap, Dib learned the hard and reckless way about the true nature of what Irken PAKs actually are. This is not an inventory bag, it is not “gear”. It’s the actual Irken entity- at least, the primary component.

Detaching it from the organic shell essentially caused a temporary split into two instances of Zim, desperately trying to connect back together under threat of obliteration.

Like let me be very clear about this,

The PAK is an autonomous instance of Zim’s consciousness, and it’s the main one. We’ve seen it act to save his life when his body has been out cold or flatlined, and he doesn’t appear the least bit disoriented or confused once “he” wakes and jumps back into the action. There’s no known separate computer assistant AI or security autopilot in there. That code, that program, IS Zim. As Long as the PAK is active, he is capable of staying fully conscious and able to react to what’s happening around him, and that’s what we’ve been seeing, his own actions.

Zim proved me right when Virooz tried to replace him and detached the PAK. Take note of his phrasing after the chair event™.

“I” activated the protocol. Immediately after Virooz ran off with my shell.

“I” Voluntarily chose to do so.

I don’t remember it playing out like that in “10 Minutes to Doom”.

Attaching to a new host wasn’t the first reflex. Dib was not the least bit aware that that he has literally holding the actual Zim captive in sense, and the latter was fighting like a cornered animal to escape him. Failing that, alongside the distance between him and his original body growing fast, he made a last desperate gambit, and he willingly connected himself into Dib’s body.

I can see why he thought this was better than nothing, no matter how repulsive the notion might have been. If he couldn’t fend Dib off physically, he could incapacitate him in some fashion by trying to overtake his will. Maybe give the shell a better chance to catch up, maybe in the longshot hope of being able to pilot dib in order to become whole with the correct host again. And you can say he succeeded, at least in dominating bodily control away from Dib, but at the cost of his already tenuously held sanity. This could be because of the interference of Dib’s own mind still resisting to fully submit, or malfunctions because of the biological incompatibility; however, the thing that Dib mentally becomes is only the basic idea of what “Zim” is. Instead of remembering it needs to reunite with its shell ASAP, the PAK mistakes Dib’s body for its own and goes through the manic motions of following the Invader mission. And it does this, weirdly enough, with almost no regard for blowing its cover.

When things are set right again, Zim’s later words near the episode ending revealed that he knew that was an unsustainable state.

Such a risk was not just accounted for, he was actually banking on it if that clock had hit zero. If Zim had truly lost, if he was really doomed to meet his end on this nasty rock in the middle of Nowhere, Space, then by every damned circuit in his being, he was going to take down this insolent fool boy and as many other humans possible with him. A dying act of vengeful rage.

• The Exceptional… Exception

Now, wouldn’t all of this be the definitive reason for Zib’s existence to be an aberrant impossibility? Yes, but actually no. Fun thing about multiverses is if something doesn’t work in one setting, you can just tweak a few dials and suddenly you have a world where the impossible becomes possible. But that’s a pretty cheap answer, isn’t it? So, what exactly was that crucial difference?

What happened in Zib’s timeline that went down so, so divergently from the events of 10 Minutes to Doom?

Because the only one who was in any position to explain it for us was Zib himself, and he’s proven to be one of the most unreliable of narrators. It’s as @dana-chan-the-control-brain already spared no effort to demonstrate, when he does tell us something about his past, his story is pocked with contradicting half-truths or outright lies. Ergo it helps to break down each recount of events to pick out the real facts.

Version 1: This is an alternate version of dib who defeated his complementing Zim (logically sensible) and went on to achieve all of the success and respect he sought after in his timeline (absolute bullshit). He kind of gestures and only implies about what has happened to his body while explaining that he came to his current understanding of Irken technology by studying it through Zim’s lab (a partial truth). He lets slip in passing that he has in fact fused with the PAK in order to learn how to alter and reprogram its coding, lessons he has applied to Number 2 in order to have a brainwashed pawn (also apparently true).

Version 2, when cornered and red handed: This is an alternate version of Dib who managed to specifically stop Zim's mission (Again, makes sense) but somehow could not convince the world of his findings or his warnings about the Irken Armada (*VERY eyebrow raising). Frustrated with the people’s lack of cooperation, he decides he has no choice but to physically merge with Zim’s PAK post-mortem (concerning and evidently mostly accurate), dominate the Earth himself, and enslave humans to help him in his efforts (highly troubling and probably true). The construction of his EMP super-weapon is successful, but ultimately led to the creation of the Zimvoid when the device was field tested (self evident, absolutely horrifying).

You know what I noticed was missing from both of these accounts? Exactly how his Zim was defeated. Which honestly could have been some beyond useful wisdom to pass along to the main Dib??? More than anything else? I’m not going to fault our boy for not pressing that matter better under the awing circumstance; however, there’s an implication I’ve been reading between lines. 

When Zib mentions “defeating” his own Zim, he’s talking about something different than ours.

When our Dib has always talked about “defeating” Zim, he’s meant incapacitation and capture. Throughout the show he explicitly wants to present Zim before an audience alive and whole. Yeah, he fantasizes about other people torturing or disassembling him for study, but HIS role was supposed to be reaping the fame for an undeniable, ground-breaking discovery. Conspiracies and cryptids are all this kid breathes and lives by! And as long as pop culture has always been fascinated with the paranormal, and he has to know this full well, people keep bringing forward hoax after hoax after scam. I mean there’s a freaking current one or few still going IRL about this exact topic. Dib would want no room left for being dismissed as another one of those con artists. 

Nonetheless, I actually doubt this is the reason Zib couldn’t get through to the scientific community. A genuine alien lifeform, even a dead one, could still be confirmed by any basic medical examination. The world thinks Dib is too crazy to listen to, but his father is still Professor Membrane. In "10 Minutes to Doom" OUR Dib got as close as having Membrane literally analyzing a PAK, or at worst, preparing to. “Ultimate Dib” gets his hands on the same thing and pulls a move I’d expect from an HP Lovecraft Protagonist instead.

We’re assuming way too much to what these two Dibs have in common, because this ^^^ is really what made the Zimvoid an outlier in the multiverse. That world didn’t only have a very different, more threatening Zim from the main timeline, it had the Dib who proved even more formidable, cunning, and ruthless, even before the fusion. 

He didn’t obtain that PAK ala the “10 minutes to Doom” accident, it’s a personal trophy. This is extra strange remembering that capturing an Irken is realistically more easy than killing one. They’re seriously more tenacious than kudzu and will even fight back in PAK form alone. I’m convinced that whatever sort of final showdown made the Ultimate Dib the victor, there are two optional endings on the table.

Option 1: There was not a body even left intact enough to bring in to research. Maybe Dib’s fault, maybe an accident, maybe even Zim’s own luck running out and his incompetent antics finally swallowed him (and possibly GIR). This theory assumes that the PAK was the only sort of remains to come into Dib’s recovery/possession.

Option 2: Curiosity Killed the cat,

but satisfaction brought it back.

Or, the one I personally headcanon. Dib… all Dibs, I assume, don’t just hate the Irken species. They are mesmerized by them, and all that they represent from his perspective. Firstly, the epic villain he gets to roleplay nemesis to in order to feel his own worth and importance. Secondly, an unknown wonder from beyond the boundaries of the cosmos. He’s not really a ghost buster or a Men In Black agent at heart, but a scientist, like his father. Underneath his contempt for Zim’s plans to destroy the world is a genuine and appropriately childish awe for alien presence, especially for Zim’s technology. His silent, dopey smile when Tak’s ship ended up in his backyard said more than words ever will.. 

Earlier in the show, a great deal of Dib’s time and effort was spent on trying to infiltrate the lower levels of Zim’s base. Sneaking into the house was hard enough, but the computer security can’t be bypassed like the gnomes. Not even by Zim himself unless he really is all himself. Perhaps you’re starting to sniff where I’m going with this one when I refer back to “Bolognius Maximus”. I’ve another reference that’s a little more on the nose, and a lot more… dark.

Were an expired Irken husk before you, you too might take your victory and cash in then. Still, who knows what sudden impulse may run through the head of a less humble version of yourself, one some could call greedier, obsessive to a fault, a screw or two loose, yet, a hell of a smart cookie. Smart enough to see it for what it actually was, the keys to a whole world of discovery that went so many layers deeper than they could ever imagine. It’s possible the Ultimate Dib already learned beforehand the same hard lessons about the PAKs that our own did, and took that understanding toward not repeating the same mistake this time. What happened to Zim? I think he was murdered in cold blood, body, and entity. “10 Minutes to Doom” showed us a fight between 2 brains clinging to one body, struggling until one overpowered another, but that’s not what this is. Through whatever means of science were available to him, this Dib has probably tried to “disarm” the technology by either erasing Zim’s consciousness out of it altogether, or by forcing the autonomous code into a kind of dormancy. His intentions were to render it back to its basic hardware without losing its precious knowledge and usefulness, something like the brain-filled tank that was wired into Skrang’s head. Zim’s PAK doesn’t cling onto his body like a parasitic teratoma this time; it’s merged in a literal sense with his nervous and circulatory system. As well, he has fooled the device’s ability to detect and reject a foreign host shell, the exact same way he deceived the the base’s security AI. If an Irken biology is what these measures authorize to command them and their secrets, then he had the tools on hand to give them just that- in an atrocity I like to call

the darker harvest.

Within this theory, there is not as much room to wonder exactly what became of Zim’s organic remains. 

But where Dib fucked up was, for the second time, in his ignorance to the true nature of what he was even playing with. That was a mistake that even the mighty Elder Brains of Judgementia lost themselves to; How much more vulnerable was the weak, human mind? Though Zim can be devoured, he can never be digested. In that fact was born this aberration against nature, sanity, and humanity alike.

"Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects… don't have politics. They're very… brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first… insect politician. Y'see, I'd like to, but… I'm afraid, uh… I'm saying… I'm saying I - I'm an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake." - Seth Brundle, The Fly, 1986

By fusing what is half-mad and what is utterly mad, neither being was cured, only assimilated into the birth of a new madness. The madness of the creature that snickers behind the curtain in the Zimvoid. I rightfully fear that lonesome thing, but not I think as much as I pity him.

• Dejavu, or Re:Plagarism

One more thing about the Zimvoid arc I find curious is the way it makes you question more and more just how much of the aberration is actually still Dib, and how much of it is Zim's infection haunting him. He does nothing with all of his intellect, his resources, and his time in the void doing anything but surrounding himself in everything he claims he despises. He decries alien tyranny in one breath while lording over a homemade, cruel dictatorship in another. He calls for eradication of the very race who's technology and physiology he has thoroughly appropriated. He laments feeling unable to protect the Earth from the Armada alone, yet sneers literally through Irken teeth to insult humans as inferior and of no value to him any longer. Our Dib spent the whole damn show longing for the support of other people, but Zib pushes away potential allies in his arrogance. His broken timeline never became a Dibvoid instead because while only half of his mind can't stand Irkens, both of the souls inside him remember that they loathe and look down upon a Dib, deep inside.

The corruption goes as far as even subverting his own creativity. None of Zib's plans are wholly original. His anti-Irken weapon was already a concept blueprinted inside of that PAK before the merge. Our Dib has several times shown a propensity for some DIY ingenuity, sometimes dipping a toe into the supernatural. Zib entirely calls upon, scavenges and regurgitates Irken designs with a few modifications or upgrades. The Dib Virus, I think is his most uninspired creation yet, for it's original form was always something inside of Zim, even if the latter himself was not aware of the fact. Like all else, it is a weapon he has plundered, customized, and turned around on everyone else for his own selfish ends. This brief point I will end on one  more reflection. The one kind of help Zim ever allowed at his side were the likes of GIR and his own creations. Unable to connect and cooperate with his peers and own kind, his ego preferred to be around those defective machines he related to- drones to be owned by him and always loyally at his beck and call. A slave to admire him unconditionally is the only companionship he's ever been willing to admit to desiring.

And what was Number 2's purpose again? What role exactly were the arena combatants auditioning for, when you think about it?

*chef’s kiss* And you know what the REAL fucked up bit of irony is?

Zim isn’t even fighting alone. Dib is.

No matter what an antisocial, hazardous ally Zim makes, he STILL gets more barebones emotional support from the litany of defective machines he creates and surrounds himself with than Dib can reliably get from the very family he lives with. Zim STILL has a tool like Skoodge lining up to be his punching-bag/sidekick whether he wants that or not. He has an affectionate little companion in minimoose and an enthusiastic slave in GIR even if the latter is much less competent and even if Zim is emotionally willing to move on from them with barely a whiff of grief, thanks to the whole list of things probably wrong with his PAK.

He shoos off, mistreats, or outright destroys 99% of the beings crazy enough to team up with him, while Dib is. Freaking yearning for what Zim has and he can’t get it. He’s only some brooding works-alone antihero because he can’t get anyone else on his side. He’d love being in a whole team, he joined the Swollen Eyeballs for crying out loud. Gaz is the only close person who at least believes in Zim’s true identity, and for that she’s constantly dragged against her will into Dib’s antics. Literally refers to her as a sidekick, infodumps his updates on Zim to her, more than once contacted her for help when in a sticky situation no matter how delusional you’d have to be to assume Gaz gives one flying eff about exposing some idiot alien. Like, Dib wants them to be Dipper and Mabel Pines so badly it’s sad.

Tak shows up, shows the smallest bit of curiosity toward his hobby, and makes it clear that she has a bone to pick with Zim and it’s an entire buzzkill to Dib that Zim would barge in later and reveal that Tak is supposedly the same as him, if not a worse threat. One of the most genuinely hurt and snuffed out moments Dib has in the show was over finding out Dwicky was just humoring him at best and didn’t turn out to be a true partner in fighting the bad guy(s). Even with EVERYTHING else wrong and warped about Zib, his willingness to work with others, protect another Dib, and actively want a like-minded friend around him that isn’t a drone is not something he inherited from the parasite clinging to his skull.

There’s no “probably” about how that feeling of isolation is getting to him. “Vindicated” basically flayed that part of him open for all to see but it leaks through in every single time his eyes light up at being told by anyone that they’re here for him in this war.

Honest truth, with every episode of this messed up show I finish rewatching I’m more are more sure that Dib is just as incompetent and short-sighted when it comes to his “mission” as Zim is. But it’s so funny to me that while Zim just makes bad plans, has awful priorities, and improvises a lot by the seat of his pants, Dib’s incompetent in the classical bumbling villain sense. Like, he’s doing the right thing, he generally has clever approaches and insights, makes full use of his resources, yet,

He’s still aesthetically and narratively such an antihero, the poor dweeb.

Observe, my magnificent Venn diagram

Only thing I didn’t want to tack on that because it bears worth of some more elaboration: Both of these two are horrible about recklessly arming their nemesis with tons of free information and striking opportunity that can only be used against them.

And Dib is worse at this, like, so… so much worse. Zim will do the classic ‘Muahahaha, now that I have you right where I want you, here’s a detailed presentation of my entire insidious plan, Batman!’ routine while at least having the class to wait until the hero is being lowered over the acid vat or tied to the train tracks. Dib, as a villain? Would start reciting that same speech while in the middle of trying to kidnap the hero, about 3 and a half steps way too early. It’s actually crazy how fast he will telegraph his next move even when he’s not in a position of having a real advantage yet.

The first time the two met and Dib stood there loudly showing himself as the most perceptive and hostile human in range? And then stood there explaining alien sleep cuffs and what he was going to do with them? And then stood there declaring war and that he’d identified Zim’s base location, swinging said cuffs around in front of the gnome brigade? Granted, he wasn’t aware of Zim’s security at the time, but the essence of that sequence was a pattern that he was more than happy to keep repeating for the next couple seasons.

Also, Zim’s brutalism, while it went to some shudder inducing places, is more expected from a genocidal maniac born from a race of colonial supremacists. It’s part of his theatrics and it’s fun for him in the same way it’s fun for his leaders to blow up innocent ice cream space-trucks and unlucky planets. Dib gets mean with their face offs in a way that’s just dripping with spite. All the time spite. Trivial, personal, petulant spite. Even more than Tak and her grudge, which, should be a lot more surprising to me. But it’s really not.

What it did do instead was remind me of a very interesting quote I once heard, from a Cracked video about online gaming behavior, of all places,

Keeper inexperience and lack of research is often so much more punishing to exotics than it is to truly domesticated animals. Canine experts and breeders rightfully spend so much time begging first time (and sometimes longtime) owners to understand the unique needs and expectations of their type of dog before committing, because the difference between some pure breeds is literally night and day regarding everything from activity levels, grooming requirements, health risks, to general temperament, etc. And this is just for different breeds within the same species. Imagine the catching up one has to do to familizarize themselves with what to expect from not just a completely different species, different family, but whole different phylum than the majority of people are familiar with. Caring for Old world tarantulas vs. New world tarantulas are completely different games to sign up for. Same with tarantulas generally vs jumping spiders, even more so for arachnids vs. mantids vs. whip scorpions. All of the above times 500 for arthropods vs anything like a guinea pig.

This exact thing is also what makes me nervous from time to time keeping an ear to the reptile community. Leopard and crested geckos are frequently touted as beginner friendly introductions to herp keeping. I’ve known children who had leos. “Beginner friendly” in pet husbandry means relatively easy/cheap to keep alive and healthy. It says NOTHING about the general tolerance of the animal to human handling or the amount of dedicated time and care you have to put in to desensitize said animal to human contact if your provider didn’t. These things will literally amputate their tails if startled too badly or handled wrong once, and tolerance to handling is not something anyone should be taking for granted from a new reptile. Times 500 again for athropods. There’s a huge reason that near every video of a smart keeper handling a defensive arachnid is preceded by moments of them testing where the line is with a pencil/stick and what sort of mood their pet is in before human hands come anywhere near it. You think owning cats is a strict lesson in respecting boundaries? Try and see how little leeway for harassment you’ll be granted from a cornered arachnid. That’s the thing- they’ll always be the one in a corner if they feel threatened, and their instincts are not unjustified to remind them of that. In terms of size alone, you’re basically Cthulhu in comparison to them.

It’s amazing and awesome to see enthusiasm for invertebrate keeping on a rise, but first and foremost as long as that enthusiasm is matched by a willingness to treat them with no less respect and humility than any other exotic. Loving invertebrates means loving them for what they really are instead of some anthropomorphized ideal of them. It’s part of what makes them truly unique and in their own category of experience, and maybe that’s not for everyone and okay! You can still find them cute without needing them to be cuddly.

I am somewhat happy that jumping spiders are becoming popular as pets and even people who normally don't like spiders seem to find them cute, but people have GOT to stop acting like they are miniature mammals who want love and affection and pets and want to hang out with you.

I have seen countless posts in jumper groups from people asking why their jumper tries to escape when they're holding it or seems skittish or threat poses at them. It's because you are a giant predator and they want to get away from you. They don't get any happy chemicals from handling like mammals would.

I'm starting to see this in millipede groups as well. "Why is my millipede secreting this liquid on me?" Because it does not want to be handled. It's stressful for the animal, and stress can kill them.

Not only does it stress them, but often taking them out of their enclosure is dangerous for them - I have seen a lot of posts from people whose spider escaped and was injured or was crushed in the door of the enclosure because they were taking it in and out frequently. Drops can also be harmful, especially for larger invertebrates like tarantulas and bigger millipedes.

In general, invertebrate pets are not going to be a good option if you want to handle something frequently. There are definitely some species and individuals who tolerate it more, and if you're an experienced keeper, you can learn the signs of a stressed animal and only handle ones that are chill about it. But the majority of the time, they should be left alone and observed only.

And it’s NOT even an obsession with aliens specifically… it’s an obsession with the unknown and yet to be explored. Absent of Zim forcing his attention and top priority towards the perpetual invasion, he doesn’t really have a particular worm for extraterrestrials burrowing through his head. He’s jumping at any cryptic lead that enters his field of view in his spare time. He’s scrutinizing for potential yetis/bigfeets, he’s raising the dead, and he’s probably going around poking vampiric beehives and god only knows what other antics a 12 year old with that kind of plot armor can get around to. He’s just as enthusiastic and curious to “figure out” arcane spells and futuristic unearthly tech alike. In a simulation of all his dreams come true he segwayed right through his false victory over Zim and onto the next hunt for ghosts, and then the likes of Nessie’s kin.

Of course space would be absolutely wondrous to him. It’s one of the last true frontiers standing before mankind, and what is left to be learned about it completely dwarfs, no, transcends the comparative speck of work we’ve accomplished so far. I’d make a fair wager that he feels the same about the oceans and the worlds beneath worlds, and in between.

The juxtaposition between his life’s passion and Professor Membrane’s is so ironic it actually almost hurts.

And I’ve seen it that way for a very long time, because invader Zim is a crazyass world full of crazyass things that are real as a heart attack. This isn’t real life where people actually are likely in need of urgent medical treatment if they spend several years screaming about a school classmate being an interloper from the stars or a Sasquatch using their power tools. Dib actually does know what he’s talking about to at least a point further than many other believers and investigators within the show. Nothing about his problem with dad is “science vs pseudoscience” like it would be if they existed in a grounded and consistent universe.

To Dib, this is ALL correctly perceived as just more science. Supernatural would honestly be a misnomer for his special interest if you think about it. How can something be above nature, and also occur naturally? Magic and monsters are parts of the same world, and the fact that they break the known rules only means to Dib that there’s more complexity to the rules he needs to keep learning. He’s not even “bad” at the conventional research his father expects of him, he’s a prodigy study to the point that it bores him to tears.

Because why would he want to keep himself restrained to things already tried and known when there’s so much more out there? He doesn’t want the maximum potential of his achievements to be dragging his feet down a path paved to him by those before, least of all probably his father.

You wanna hear a hot take about where his disagreement with the professor actually stems from??

Dib Membrane is the most scientifically-minded character in Invader Zim.

Literally no one else so consistently represents that inquirious faucet of the human condition. For better or worse Dib has to be scratching an itch to keep turning over every odd stone off the beaten road and to pursue that which he doesn’t understand- All for no other ultimate reason than to know, record, and tell. Contrast that with the most renowned scientist of the human race: a man of authoritative knowledge and very little compromise with the unknowns, as in the TRUE unknowns. I’m not saying Professor membrane doesn’t have intellectual curiosity, far from it, but it’s not actually the main driver behind his research. And that is neither an insult to his work because his main priority is actually extremely utilitarian and helpful to society. The world literally needs a man like him to function, and his entire character represents what most laymen think an ideal “scientist” is, a super smarts guy who knows everything and builds the world we live in. In his position, it’s probably very hard not to develop some arrogance regarding what he thinks he’s learned about the universe.

Dib’s hobby is where you really watch the curiosity in Membrane comes to blows with the stereotype he was made in the image of. Earlier on you believe the problem is that he’s just an evidence based rationalist who needed proof of Dib’s claims.

Except we have seen this hope completely shattered from about the Florpus movie and onward. Professor membrane is smart, but he is not inherently that much more rational than most humans. There is the established science, and there are unquestionable, concrete rules about the universe he just cannot compromise on because he has not considered their exceptions possible. He roughly said it himself once that aliens probably do exist, but not the technology that could bring them face to face with him. that’s the exact premise in his head that stopped him from engaging with the Irken Spittlerunner sitting in his garage. Based on the laws he spent his entire life utilizing in his work, it shouldn’t exist. It can’t exist. But his son is a very imaginative and crafty kid. Him building something like that as a cry for attention is possible under the known laws of reality, so there’s the working conclusion for the spaceship. All of membrane’s denial throughout the movie becomes a lot less absurd and a lot more predictable when you realize this is just how his internal logic tree works. A bug-eyed alien using a tiny purple moose to spaghettify the entire planet through a multi-dimensional portal??? NOT👏SCIENTIFICALLY👏POSSIBLE. That’s an absolutely ludicrous proposal!

Some kind of hallucinogenic psychosis? Well, that’s happened to people before, the human mind is a very flawed machine, after all. What are you gonna do, right? Bet it’s just a remarkably vivid dream. And that’s a bummer because it really raises the bar and the possible futility of what Dib is trying to accomplish. Even if he switched gears off of the alien thing and made a breakthrough somewhere else, it is always going to be the same struggle with his father, because what Dib loves to study is exclusively things that make everything we know about the world no longer make sense- Things that elude traditional means of research and things that require a humility that his society has long abandoned to be known. Things that you will never see if you don’t have the modesty to accept that you haven’t reached the end of history and exploration. Professor Membrane is without reservation, a brilliant mind, and a force of ultimate good in the world. He’s the colloquial understanding of science, the cemented, the accepted, the undefeatable, and the merciless enemy to blind faith.

And yet, Dib Membrane better represents the actual history and theory of the scientific pursuit- one that was fueled by curiosity and awe at the world, one that has persisted despite all sabotage and violence that tried to hold it back, one that never grew complacent, one that made power upset countless times over, one that had to constantly adapt, and one that doesn’t dismiss or flee its challengers because it sprints headfirst into them.

TL/DR: I eternally fucking love the characterization in this series; Taking my hat off in sorrow for Dib because so much of the family rift here is that the professor has raised a superior successor to Membrane Labs, even if he’s stubbornly coping too hard to appreciate that now.

You know, the movie doesn’t explicitly draw attention to it, but I just love Dib’s wonder-filled big-eyed look when Zim pulls out his star map hologram. 

It connects very well with the movie’s opening

And even as far back as the ending of ‘Tak, the Hideous New Girl’

That Dib’s obsession with aliens is, fundamentally, born of a true sense of excitement and wonder of the mysteries of outer space. 

Hello, Invader Zim Fandom! Say, have you ever found yourself thinking “hmmm.... I wonder how often Zim and Dib skip classes due to their constant misadventures and battles?” Well, whatever you did or not, I am going to do it now! Time for…

Checking Attendance for Invader Zim and Dib Membrane!

"The Nightmare Begins"

Our first major confrontation between the two leads (leaving aside some quarreling in the middle of class, but I am checking attendance - not behavior) happens explicitly right after Skool has finished. So, no class has been missed in the production of this episode. 

(I mean maybe I would ask about how long their Skoolday even is considering Miss Bitters introduces Zim, says ‘Doomed’ for a few minutes and then sends them home. But that’s, like, a common Bug with Schools in fiction. I’m going to assume that we’re not supposed to take the class/Skoolday as literally being that short.)

"Bestest Friend"

Zim takes a whole day off from Skool under the claim that he’s sick.

Zim: I'm sick. I'm not going to skool today.

Which, I mean, he said it to get Keef off his back, but then we do see he stayed in his lab all day to work on his Eyeball Machine. So yeah, here's our first missed attendance. Zim skipped a whole day of Skool right there.

"Nanozim"

Dib: Zim wasn't in class today, Gaz. Gaz: Maybe he's sick. Dib: Yeah, sick with fear!

Another whole missed day from Zim for the sake of his scheme!

"Parent Teacher Night"

Nothing! The entirety of this episode takes place either during Skool, explicitly after Skool or during a Skool-sectioned Afterskool event. 

"Walk of Doom"

Now this is where things really get interesting. Because Zim certainly spent like a whole day on his and GIR’s little City Adventure - but also, you might want consider the possibility that this episode took place over the weekend, or even just that it starts after skool. After all, Invader Zim’s Daytime Sky doesn't change that much between the morning and the afternoon.

However, even taking these factors into account, I still think that it’s more likely that this episode does takes place during Skool Hours and is yet another example of Zim missing a full day of Skool, and that is for one reason - the background extras. 

Through all of Zim’s Urban Misadventure, the City seems to be populated entirely by adults + one baby we saw on the Bus. No Skool-aged youngsters anywhere in sight.

And, maybe that’s a weird thing to get hung up on, but usually IZ Crowd Scenes do include a mixture of kids and adults… including some scenes in that very episode, but only after the transition into night. When Skool would obviously be already over.

Thus, I think it’s most logical to conclude that Zim, for some reason, decided to do this lil excursion in the middle of a Skoolday. Couldn’t wait for the weekend or even just the afternoon for some reason. He got a bee in his bonnet about the Guidance Chip and he had to do it at that very moment!! 

(But I am going to cut him a little slack with the ending. Cause, like, obviously he’s been driving for like a whole night and it’s going to take him some time to get back home… but for the sake of Being Nice I am going to assume this episode takes place on a Friday and he's got the whole weekend to find his way back home and so he only missed one day of Skool. After all, isn’t this what ‘Invader Zim’ is all about? Being nice?)

(This is a rhetorical question and the answer is no.)

"Germs"

As Zim himself states, he did miss a day of Skool due to his obsession with Germs.

Zim: The skool! The skool will know I've been missing! They must be really suspicious by now!

I wondered if that was actually more than one day, but we only see one transition to night near the end of the episode. 

Most likely this entire episode takes place over the course of a single day - Zim watched that movie very early in the morning before getting to Skool (he doesn’t sleep so he’s got a lot more free time in a day) and then got so Germ-Obsessed for that one day that he forgot about that.

And thanks (?) to the workaround at the end, we can be sure this time he only missed one single day of Skool.

"Dark Harvest"

So all of this episode takes place in the Skool, but mostly outside of the classroom. With Zim leaving early on after a lesson started, then Dib going after him a short while later and this whole …. Adventure lasted enough to get to Lunch Break and also probably the climax lasted a bit after it and into the next lesson period (considering how empty the Skool Hallways seem at that point.

However, this speculation is kinda moot since both Zim and Dib were both out there with Hall-Passes officially ‘just trying to get to the nurse’, so I am just not going to count it as skipping class at all. They had permission. 

"Attack of the Saucer Morons"

Okay, so… this episode starts at night, but by the time Zim gets to the Saucer Morons it’s already Daytime. But since Zim was very adamant about getting his Voot back ASAP, I am going to assume this is taking place Very Early in the Morning. It just takes a while for Zim to get back home from the crash site and then back again without the Cruiser, but it’s still probably like… before Skool starts. 5AM-6AM or something like that? You know, the excitement of an Alien Spaceship is going to encourage a lot of people to wake up early.

It’s not entirely clear how long the events of the episode lasted in-universe. There’s a few ‘skips’, like, how long did Zim’s initiation take? How long did it take GIR to get the Government Man robot ready? How long did it take the Saucer Morons to make that lil’ set-up for Zim?

But, Fastforwards to the climatic chase scene at the end of the episode, and we can see Zim has zoomed by a Skoolbus. Now, this might be a Bus taking kids back from Skool, or taking the kids to Skool. Either the implication here is that Zim has wasted a whole skoolday and it’s already the afternoon - or it’s still early in the morning and Skool is just about to start. And… since it’s just down to my gut feelings, I am going to say the second one. I think all of the little-time skips during the episode still don’t amount to more than like, an hour or two. So it being just before Skool starts seems reasonable to me. 

But, well, even for the sake of being nice to Zim…

I am going to assume that murdering all of these scientists (or however he got himself out of that jam) and getting back home to retrieve a new disguise will take like… A Considerable Amount of Time. And Skool was basically just about to start. So… I think that I’m going to mark it as Zim missing at least one class and getting to Skool late. 

"The Wettening"

This episode actually puts a lot of attention into making sure all of Zim and Dib’s confrontations take place after Skool hours and that all the time they spend at home planning is happening during the weekend. This episode is mostly useful for explicitly establishing that Skool is operating with a two-day Saturday-Sunday weekend. 

Now, I was wondering if I should count Zim as ‘skipping class’ for, y’know - not actually showing up to Skool on Monday and basically going straight home to drown to death in the toilet right after he won that water-balloon fight. But since the entire damn Skool was reduced to a ruin by Zim’s victory - I think it’s safe to say that Skool is canceled regardless. So that shouldn't count.

(Remember kids! If you wanna skip school, you should just blow it up with a giant Space Water Balloon first and then it’s okay!)

"Career Day"

The entire events of that episode were a Skool-sanctioned activity, so nothing really to report.

"Battle-Dib"

With the 8PM ticking clock, Doctor Membrane having a clearly very kid-oriented edutainment show that he’s apparently recording live, and all the other ordinary kids trying out for the audience… I think it’s pretty safe to say this whole episode takes place after skool.

"Planet Jackers"

Whole episode takes place at night, nothing for us to concern ourselves about.

"Rise of the Zitboy"

Okay, so this episode starts at daytime, with both Zim and Dib very clearly not at Skool - and usually that would be enough for me to assume this episode starts in the afternoon, but…

After Zim gains the Power of Pustulio, he seemingly immediately goes to Skool to test it out. There’s no reason to assume this is like, a whole night later. Zim’s only thought was about hypnotizing Dib and he knows where his house is. If it were the afternoon, wouldn't he just go to the Membrane household rather than wait for the next Skool Day? So this episode actually starts very early in the morning. 

And, like, either way it seems like this is happening very early in the morning and has no real effect on their Skool attendence and I shouldn’t dwell on it too much for this post but… I guess it still kinda surprises me that Dib got up bright and early just to do this shit like an hour before skool starts.

Most of the episode seems to take place before the first period of the day even starts, so the only actually relevant part to our discussion is the very last line from Zim.

Zim: Bye Dib, and thanks for the information! I've got a few more lawn gnomes to plant!

So Zim is going to skip away before Skool starts to take care of the security problems in his Gnome Field right away. So… he’s probably going to miss at least one class, if he’s even coming back. 

"Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain"

Episode takes place entirely at night, not relevant to our discussion. I am not going to consider the ‘One Year Later’ gag as canon, because, like…. come on. 

"Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy"

As the episode starts with a broadcast of Professor Membrane’s show (which as we have already established, is very kids-oriented, highly-rated and seems to be airing live), it’s a pretty safe bet that the whole events of this episode is taking place in the afternoon, so no Skool-Problems here!

"A Room With a Moose"

So, I am not going to knock Dib any points for leaving mid-class on something that wasn’t really a Skool trip. I mean… everyone thought it was a Skool trip, including the other students and their teacher. I assume either Zim took care of the paperwork while he was sneaking around setting up his plan or there was never any paperwork in the first place because it’s the IZ Earth and No One Cares.

Now about Zim… he has technically not skipped class in the sense that he was doing all of this under the guise of being in the toilet, but… Like, in his second round in the Restroom, he actually just never came back until… well, probably the next Skool day, considering it was nighttime at the end of the episode. Even with how apathetic Miss Bitters is… I assume she can conceive of the idea of a student trying to get out of Skool under the excuse of being in the bathroom, even if she doesn’t know/care about the Alien Teleporter Device.

So I am counting this as just a half day of skipping school for Zim. 

"Hamstergeddon"

Okay, so this was actually the episode that inspired me to make this post, and the reason why I conceived of it as a “Zim and Dib Skipping School” list even though, as you have seen so far… Dib has a pretty spotless attendance record so far. I just saw both Zim and Dib piss off from Skool mid-lesson to follow the Hamster Kaiju and started to wonder ‘hmmm… how often does this happen?”

And since we never see Ultra Peepi, like, outright entirely destroy the Skool - I don’t think the day would be canceled like it probably was in “The Wettning” (if it was, I’d assume we’d see more students running out and not just Zim and Dib). And I assume Dib would notice the Growing Peepi Problem near the start of the day, so they both missed about a full day of Skool just then.

"Plague of Babies"

Takes place entirely during one night, not relevant here. 

"Bloaty's Pizza Hog"

Explicitly takes place during the late afternoon/evening. 

"Door to Door"

Another Skool-Sanctioned activity similar to ‘Career Day’

"FBI Warning of Doom"

Takes place during the evening/night. 

"Bolognius Maximus"

After Zim reveals there is no cure to the Bolognafication, Dib runs out of the classroom screaming. This transition into a whole Zim Fantasy Sequence where he’s Gigantic and stuff. But it does seem like the whole ‘Dib being run out of Skool midway through the Skoolday’ did happen. Since they only re-meet after Zim is going back home from Skool. 

So that’s the first time Dib loses attendance (basically an entire day, since he didn’t even last one whole lesson) but not Zim. (But Dib still has a lot of ‘catching up’ to do).

(This episode also establishes that Dib is often late to Skool due to his various paranormal misadventures. Reliably enough for Zim to incorporate it into his Vengeance. However, that’s not entirely relevant since I’m only counting attendance in this post and not tardiness. But I thought I might as well acknowledge it.)

"Game Slave 2"

Episode takes place entirely at night, not relevant.

"Battle of the Planets"

Same as above.

"Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom"

So I am not going to count Dib being forcibly institutionalized by Skool administration as ‘skipping classes’, obviously. 

However, while Dib was being dragged off to the Crazy House, Zim used the chaos to ‘escape’ this Skool full of ‘Zombies’ and ready his base for tonight. Next time we see Zim, it’s nighttime and he is still readying his base. And even with Dib being late, it still seems like the episode started early in the first period. So Zim is skipping another full day of Skool basically. 

"Mysterious Mysteries"

From the events of the episode, it seems like ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ airs live (or at least semi-live, in regards to the interviewed segments). We already know that it airs in the evenings because that’s always when we see Dib watch it. Even if it didn’t actually air live, they would probably schedule their interviews to afterskool hours when they have three elementary-skoolers to interview. 

"Future Dib"

Episode starts at a Skool-Assembly, and then move to later that day in the afternoon/early evening (Membrane says ‘tonight’, but the sky is always daylight-yellow, so it seems to be later that day after Skoolhour, it’s just that the sun hasn’t quite set yet.) Either way, neither Zim nor Dib actually seem to skip class on that one. 

"Hobo 13"

With this being an entirely Space-Based Episode, we have basically No Data on what Earth Time this episode takes place. Zim does generally seem to call the Tallests just after Skool or during the night, so I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one and not count it.

"Walk For Your Lives"

While I have no doubt in my mind that Zim would skip Skool for the sake of Probing Day and maaaybe Dib would too for the sake of catching Zim by surprise, well…

So remember way way back during ‘Walk of Doom’ when I talked about background extras? Well, I’m doing this again but in the other direction this time!

Because all the city scenes in this episode do actually feature both child and adult extras (including literally some of Zim and Dib’s classmates).

So I think it’s most likely to assume this episode takes place just after Skool hours. Or perhaps the weekend. 

"Megadoomer"

Starts right after Zim gets home from Skool, and lasts through the night. Not relevant.

"Lice"

Takes place entirely at Skool and also classes are canceled due to Lice Quarantine. I don’t really count any of the Nonsense in this episode as ‘skipping class’, it’s fine.

"Abducted"

We don’t have any details about when the episode takes place outside of ‘the daytime’, but again, Zim generally ‘updates’ the Tallest after Skool so I am going to assume this applies here. Plus, we also see Dib and Gaz at home by the end and they generally don’t skip Skool - so yeah, more evidence for this being the afternoon. 

"The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot"

Episode explicitly takes place at evening/night, not relevant.

"Gir Goes Crazy and Stuff"

Episode starts at night, and ends at sunrise.

Not relevant.

(Also hey! Does this imply that we can tell that the City is on the East Coast at least?)

"Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom"

Starts at Skool and then seems to take place entirely at night - since the Wonderful Life of Doom starts with Dib sleeping in bed, I assume Dib kidnapped him and put him in the simulation while he was actually asleep.

"Tak: The Hideous New Girl"

Okay, so we had two fairly-regular Skooldays since Tak arrived on Earth.

Then, after Zim comes back from Skool the second day and Tak reveals herself, we cut to Zim’s battle against the Ham Demon. Which is also happening in the daytime. Although Zim later mentions he’s been trailing Tak for ‘48 hours’ - meaning exactly two whole days. 

And then as Zim realizes he needs Dib’s help, we cut to the Membrane house at nighttime. 

So… was that battle taking place in the afternoon/early evening  and it’s just that by the time Zim got to the Membranes the sun had already set? That seems to be the case from the establishing shot. But then Dib yawns and rubs his eyes as if he just woke up and Professor Membrane says ‘good morning’. 

I mean… with how often Dib seems to stay up late and wake up extremely early, maybe he takes a lot of afternoon-evening naps?

Or perhaps this suggests this establishing shot might’ve been just an art error? The little we see of the indoor backdrops are also kinda inconsistent about the Color of the Sky.

First seeming to indicate daytime.

And then… nighttime? Nighttime with sunset? Nighttime with sunrise?

Then nighttime again?

And then, the whole Giant Evil Weenie Stand sequence is at daytime again.

And it only becomes night again by the climax.

And with Zim’s ‘48 hours’ comment placing the Ham Demon fight at the early afternoon (it should be 48 hours after the Tak confrontation, which happened just after Zim got home from Skool) our scenarios are either: 

Zim battles the Ham Demon, then almost immediately Zim confronts Dib after his afternoon nap (and the Color of the Sky around the Membrane household is just Consistently an Art Error. It should be daytime). And the rest of the events of the episode take place on that same day’s late afternoon/evening. 

Zim battles the Ham Demon, then a few hours later Zim confronts Dib after his early evening nap (the Color of the Sky around the Membrane household is not an art error...for the most part. The sun has set already). Then the rest of the events of the episode take place over the next day.

Zim battles the Ham Demon, then the next morning Zim confronts Dib when he wakes up (the Color of the Sky might be a major art error, or it might be a failed attempt at conveying sunrise, or both). Then the rest of the events of the episode take place during that day.

And when considering which one seems to me the most likely, I took three different factors into consideration.

I wanna minimize just dismissing things as art/continuity errors. I want to be as canon-compliant as I possibly can.

The plot needs to maintain its sense of urgency. Having too many Big Timeskips where the characters just kinda don’t do anything significantly hurts the narrative. ‘

The possibility of skipped skool days which is… hey! Is actually what this post is supposed to be about!

Okay, so to elaborate on Point C: Scenario 1 has Zim spend like two full Skooldays’ worth of time on tracking Tak down and then he and Dib and Gaz stop her together during afterskool hours. Scenario 2 + 3 has Zim spend two skooldays, and then the three of them spend the day after that stopping Tak. And.. it’s not just a matter of considering Zim skipping two days versus three days and Dib and Gaz skipping one day versus zero days. Because also the weekend exists.

I actually think it’s incredibly likely that the Tak Reveal is supposed to take place on a Friday, and Zim tracked Tak over the weekend (so the ending of the Ham Demon sequence is on Sunday afternoon).

Especially as Dib apparently didn’t notice Zim either stalking Tak during Skool or just vanishing from Skool altogether due to the Ham Demon Situation. Like, considering how paranoid he is about Zim normally, you’d think he’d take notice and try and figure out if he is up to anything. Especially if it involved the girl he saw as an ally and friend. But it seemed like he was not bothered by anything or noticed anything Zim was doing in the meantime. Which I think only makes sense if Zim was ‘investigating’ Tak during the weekend. 

So in Scenario 1 that would mean the climax of the episode took place during Sunday afternoon/evening. And Scenario 2 + 3 would mean that those events take place during Monday, and thus all of our main trio is either skipping skool or waiting until skool is done to go on their Earth-Saving-Missions.

And the latter is both unlikely because it wrecks the sense of Urgency in the plot and because… like… did Zim and Dib just go to Skool and Angrily Glared at each other until it was done? It really just kinda ruins the dramatic pacing if Zim and Dib meet between the scene at the Membrane Household and the Weenie Stand. So going to Skool on Monday and then doing the Evil Weenie Investigation afterwards seems unlikely to me.

And as for the former scenario… like, as you’ve noticed. Dib very very rarely skips Skool of his own volition. And Gaz never does. Honestly I don’t think it’s in-character for her. Not cause she’s a goody-two-shoes who would never skip class or anything like that. Just because she never takes all of this Alien Stuff seriously enough to consider it a worthwhile reason to skipping classes. And no, neither is getting her brother beat up by security - even if she does enjoy the latter a lot more. 

I guess maybe just Zim could’ve been skipping Skool that Monday morning to do some more failed ‘investigative work’ before he actually realized the Evil Weenie Stand was important. While Dib and Gaz just attended classes like Normal and investigated the Weenies afterwards.

But then, like, did Tak go to Skool? She cares so much about showing off her ability to Actually Competently Infiltrate Humanity, and it seems most of the Evil Weenie Stand Construction is happening automatically… so I kinda assume she would go to Skool on that Monday? So with both Dib and Tak at class that day and Zim not being… that would be another Hypothetical Dramatic Scenario that is just Inexplicably Off Screen in the narrative.

You know like…. Maybe not Dib confronting Tak about Zim’s accusations if he truly doesn’t believe them at that point, but trying to warn her that Zim is deluded about her and out to get her? I just don’t believe any Skoolday after Zim and Dib's confrontation at Dib’s house could be uneventful enough so that we could just skip over it completely like that. 

So, I really really tried to get a scenario where I don’t resort to the Art Error Clause but… I think the only timeline that makes real sense in terms of narrative and characterization is Scenario 1. So most of the events of the climax of “Tak: the Hideous New Girl” probably take place over Sunday afternoon and thus neither Zim nor Dib actually skipped classes. Zim just had a very very busy weekend. 

"Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars"

Takes place entirely during the night/evening, irrelevant.

"Mortos Der Soul Stealer"

Same as above.

"Zim Eats Waffles"

Okay, so, there’s nothing in the text of the episode that explicitly says it but… since this episode centers around Zim eating waffles and reading the newspaper

I always kinda assumed it was taking place in the morning. And probably, like Saturday/Sunday morning.

This would also explain why Dib immediately goes to sleep at the end of the episode even though it’s the same ‘daytime’ sky-color outside.

 He woke up early for this - but now that his plan has failed so thoroughly, well… It's still the weekend and now he’s going to sleep in for a while. He probably needs it.

"The Girl Who Cried Gnome"

Well, presumably Moofy and the other Girly Rangers don’t go selling cookies during normal Skool hours. So this episode either takes place after skool hours or also over the weekend. The amount of kid extras in the scene also supports that idea. 

Of course, with the episode ending with Dib being tormented until nightfall, there’s a reasonable chance he won’t make it to Skool on the next day… but I’m going to be nice and assume he managed to get himself free, like, at 3AM or something. So he’s fine, just incredibly sleep-deprived and traumatized. So par for the course, really.

"Dibship Rising"

So, Dibship tries to go to school as Dib, and it seems like it could’ve worked

Poonchy: Hey! Dib's bein' all weird and giant again!

But, well for starters, Dibship only managed to get to Skool by the time for lunch break. I guess he’s really just figuring out how to walk and he’s pretty slow and heavy… So yeah, it might take him a While to get to Skool.  Then once he is at Skool, Zim almost immediately takes him over and starts up his Evil Scheme. 

It’s unclear how long it takes until Dib actually wakes up (hey, remember what I said about him being probably very sleep deprived?), but since Dib’s concern is about being late, I assume the skoolday is not yet over. And when he meets up with Dibship again…

Yeah, it actually took me a bit to notice it, but the scene is directed as to always obscure the top of the ship’s cockpit. AKA where Zim is. I thought at first that maybe he sent the ship out on its own and jumped onto it when it was passing through the Skool. But with that little trick of angles and the stick in Zim’s wig and GIR scattering acorns everywhere… yeah he was clearly on it the whole time.

So Dib missed about a whole day of Skool, spending the reminder of that day trapped just over the cesspool listening to the dying Dibship talk about how much of a loser they are. 

Zim got about… half a skoolday done before skipping out for, as Dib pointed out, no real reason other then endangering himself. And I’m pretty sure he, like, died at the end of the episode. So he’s probably not making it back to Skool either. 

"Vindicated!"

The events of this episode start during Skool and then explicitly continue after Skool, not relevant. 

"The Voting of the Doomed"

Takes place entirely at Skool doing Skool stuff, not relevant.

"Gaz, Taster of Pork"

Well, I am not actively counting Gaz’s absences for this post, so I don’t need to worry about, like, the multiple weeks that her dad kept her isolated in his lab (and even so, I don’t think being forcibly being pulled out of the education system by your parents count as ‘skipping skool’?) As for Dib, most of his ‘research’ we’ve seen happen either in Skool

Or at nighttime and thus explicitly after Skool.

The daring breakout from Membrane Lab does happen in the daytime - the day after Dib’s Hobo Encounter at MacMeaties. The question is just if Dib decided to wait until after Skool to get the information out to Gaz or if he broke her out ASAP skool be damned. (And it can’t be the weekend this time, “this Friday” is our explicit Ticking Clock). But since the sun had already set by the time they finished with their chase scene… Honestly, yeah my guess is he decided to procrastinate by waiting after Skool to break her out lol.

So Dib has had another Very Long Night, but he probably didn't skip skool (and since the episode ends on Friday, he technically has two whole days to finish Cleaning the Pig Toilets and still make it back in time for Monday! Fun!)

"The Frycook What Came From All That Space"

So Zim gets kidnapped from Skool at the very start of the episode and , according to Sizz-Lorr, a week before the Foodening starts

Sizz-Lorr: YES!! And that's not all, Zim! In one week, the Foodening begins once more, and you'll be trapped here for 20 years, just like I was!

And Zim manages to get off the planet at the very last second before the Foodening trapped him there.

And we know there’s no ‘time warp’ in place cause Dib did notice Zim was gone for three days about halfway through the episode.

Dib: Um, I noticed Zim's been gone for three days. Do you know where he is?

So, yeah, Zim was absent from Skool for a week.

(I am… going to assume Dib did not spend like 72-96 hours non-stop annoying the Tallest. But rather he went back and to Zim’s house whenever he had the chance so I am not counting absences for him.) 

"The Most Horrible X-mas Ever"

Takes place over Winter Break and thus is irrelevant.

In total, Zim has confirmed 12 missed full days of Skool + about two times where probably just skipped the first period. Dib has three missed days of Skool. So, like Zim might need to repeat the sixth grade if time ever Actually Moved Forwards in the IZ universe - but Dib is pretty in the clear I think.

Really, what I find really interesting, more than just the obvious difference between Zim and Dib’s tendency to skip skool is the difference between the earlier and later episodes. Like, not counting the five days Zim picked up at the second-to-last episode (which were very much outside of his control)…  Zim picked up 4/7 missed days in just the first eight episodes! And after that they are far less frequent. Perhaps the writers deliberately tried to take care to not overuse the whole skipping skool thing too much? Or maybe from an in-universe perspective it just took Zim a few weeks to really wrap his head around how the skool schedule thing even works?