Losss - Tumblr Posts

How many days has it been?

When did I see your smile for the last time?

Where did you go?

Unbearable. I shove these thoughts down to the deepest depths inside me. I let Shame mask me.

My memories were stolen from me.

A blank, black screen appears when I try to access the memory. And many other memories.

I was denied a look at him, after he had-

“ Thaw would’ve been too traumatic!”

I’m now left with a guilt, for not being able to see you one last time.

You took everything from me. You claimed it was for the greater good. Now, I can’t even remember his face.

My grandma died one summer. I woke up, my grandpa was freaking out, told me to go back to sleep. He went outside, called an ambulance.

I didn’t listen.

“ Nana?”

Dust particles waved around in the light shining through the windows. In front of one window, was the bed I was supposed to sleep in. I never slept in that bed, I always moved to the couch. I could never sleep alone.

In that bed, lied my grandma. She was as angelic as she was in death as in life.

She however was lifeless. Of course, this isn’t my first loss. She had a red blanked covering her cold body, as if she was asleep. A tear rolled down my eye when I sat next to her body.

I touched her arm.

“Nana?”

“Are you okay Nana?”

“Wake up Nana!”

I touched her forehead, caressing her hair. I leaned in close, waiting for her to wake. But when I first saw her, I knew.

I knew she was gone.

Im left with an angelic image of my grandma forever in my brain. If anything, I think it’s the one thing that helped me cope the most.

But him? My last image of him was stolen from me. I can’t see his face anymore.

Because they kept me from him, he is out of reach.

And that, is forever unforgivable