Mental Ilness - Tumblr Posts

I think almost 3 years later I finally understand how to interpret my own art.

For my highschool art portfolio you had to submit a concentration. A number of peices all with a theme or at least all in the same medium. I went with ink pen. Specifically, all of my peices were done as a single line drawing, with the pen never leaving the paper, and sometimes dabbling with watercolor as well.

I was in highschool and in pain. I knew I was depressed, diagnosed and medicated. But I didn't understand why. Part of it was purely physical brain chemistry. But another was my perspective.

One single unbroken line. I believe I have firmly overcome my depression. I am still dependent on medication and have come to terms that I probably will be for the rest of this life. But I am now happy, and brimming with hope. And with that has come hightened understanding.

I had come to resent my highschool art. I saw it as proof of my pain and failures. And I thought it perfectly represents my selfishness. In highschool I was looking forward to better days wanting better things, but I wanted them for myself.

I believe I have a pretty good imagination. I seem to have always been good at looking down the road to the future. Knowing whether or not an action will hurt me. But my focus was on my timeline, not others. I was only looking at a single line.

I knew I wanted to be good. But with only the perspective of a single line there was no urgency, no reason. If I was doing this only for me? Well than I'd rather just be lazy.

There are a thousand selfish reasons to never change.

I know that no matter what I do or don't do, I am loved; I know very well my agency, that I am free to subject myself to things that will hurt me. But I do not want anyone to hurt longer than they have to. I want to, am axious and excited to change, to be better for others. I take care of myself, practice self-love, so I can stay longer to help others.

Beware of myopic, singular, or narrow-minded thinking. Look to love others.

I wear glasses.  Can I manage without glasses?  Well, yes, probably.  I could squint a lot, constantly move up close to anything I want to see, take the bus or a taxi if I want to go anywhere.  I could just accept that I’ll never be able to see eagles flying in the sky or whales jumping out of the ocean.   But why?  Why try so hard to manage life when I could just put on a pair of glasses?  No one would ever suggest a near-sighted person should just work harder.  No one would say ‘Maybe that’s just your normal’ to someone that needs glasses.  They would say ‘Let’s go to the eye doctor and get you a prescription so you’re able to see again.’ You shouldn’t have to try so hard.

My doctor (paraphrased), when I expressed doubts about going back on an anti-depressant.  (via

webreakthenwebuild

(via squidilydink)

This is such a good analogy because nobody thinks about it like this.  If you wear glasses, you literally need constant use of a medical aid to experience the world like most people do.  If it were anything besides glasses, that would be considered a disability.  But needing glasses is an extremely common, visible, and accepted form of disability to the point that we don’t even consider it one, we just accept that some people need glasses and that’s perfectly normal and there’s nothing wrong with needing to rely on them.

That is how all disabilities and illnesses should be seen, and how we should look at treatment for them.  You have a problem, and you need help dealing with it, and there’s nothing wrong with either of those things.  That’s perfectly normal and that’s okay.

(via ninjarobotclone)

Reblogging myself bc ^^that^^ was such a beautiful addition.  ~JJ

(via teachthemhowtothink)

Oh look it’s a list of all the things that have been bothering me these past few months -.-

let's talk about the physical affects of chronic anxiety because they're hardly ever acknowledged

upset stomach and vomiting

ulcers

muscle aches

chronic fatigue

hormonal problems

irregular menstrual cycles

insomnia

infections

lowered immune system

migraines

shortness of breath

dizziness

heart palpitations

teeth-grinding

rashes