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The Lucky One

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Prompt - 'You wonder if you'll make it out alive.'

When you first started acting you were the new kid on the block, nobody had ever heard of you and the casting director had taken a chance on you. You were fifteen, new to LA and just getting your name out there. Pretty early on you had been told you’d have to change your name, your actual name being claimed by somebody who was in the industry years ago. So you changed your last name to your middle name and began chasing fortune and fame.

It wasn’t long before you were taking off and the sixteen year old kid you once were was now being thrusted in front of cameras, the cameras flashing in every direction nearly blinded you but it also made it seem real, like you were going to make it. It looked like a dream, the dresses and suits and the people calling your name, it was so surreal.

From there on you were lined up for magazine covers, relishing in the way they transformed you into a sixties queen, curls pinned to your head, red lip and jewels on your neck. It seemed like things could only go up.

Then you missed out on a role for a big movie, one that could really set your career in motion. Another name went up in lights as the other actress thrived in the role, bursting into stardom as the movie became well known, doing amazingly well at box office. You were happy for her, you were, but you couldn’t help but wish it was you.

Another break came and you landed it, now it was your time, your chance for your name to be up in lights, everyone knowing who you were. It was great, it was really great, you felt like you were living the dream, growing up in front of the camera, people greeting you and wanting your autograph…it was great.

However as you got older things seemed to change. You had gotten a role on a show called Criminal Minds, it was well into its production, a couple of series in, and your management and agents felt like this would be a great way to transition you from movies to TV.

It wasn’t something you particularly wanted to do, you liked filming movies but the people surrounding you told you to take it, that you were the lucky one for getting this role.

You relented, figuring it wasn’t worth the fight, knowing it wasn’t a fight you would win. You figured that the show had been properly vetted for your management to consider putting you on it, they had created a public image for you, one that was squeaky clean and you weren’t allowed to do much without them agreeing to it first.

Thankfully you loved the Criminal Minds gig, everyone was so kind and the atmosphere on set was always fun. You were close with pretty much all of the cast but had taken a special liking to Matthew Gray Gubler. When you had first met him he had gone above and beyond to make sure you were comfortable and included, always making sure you were the first to be invited out to dinners and the such.

The two of you got on so well, your personalities coming together in a way that felt like you had known him for years rather than the few months you’d been working on the show.

It was only a matter of time before the older man asked you out. You had said yes without even thinking about it, knowing that you wanted to date him. Most of the time, especially around other actors, it was hard to feel comfortable. You never knew when they were acting or being sincere even if there were no cameras around but with Matthew you just knew. He was always so genuine, so honest that it was easy to trust him from the get go.

Matthew picked you up one night, the two of you dressed nicely for the restaurant Matthew had reserved and then had spent the night walking through Central Park aimlessly, just chatting and getting to know each other.

It was the most wonderful date you could have asked for, with the best company.

You and Matthew continued to date, both deciding to keep it on the downlow. Both of you knew just how much the media could affect a relationship and what the two of you had going was incredible, who could blame you for wanting to keep it private?

But when you're famous, good things can’t last. You shouldn’t have been as surprised as you were to find pictures of you and Matthew posted all over the internet one day, seven or so months into your relationship, but you couldn’t help but feel annoyed.

Sure you were a public figure but seriously?

You definitely weren’t surprised when your management team called you that day, demanding to know why they weren’t informed of this relationship. Didn’t you know how damaging this could be, they had said to you causing you to roll your eyes.

“He’s so much older than you, do you know how this looks?” Somebody from your team snapped down the phone and sure they were right but the age difference had hardly been an issue yet so why should it be now.

You said as much to the man on the phone.

“Y/N, you can’t date him. You’ve come too far to be brought down by this. Haven’t you read the tabloids? The tweets? The names they’re calling you, you’re just a kid, ok, you don’t know any better but we’re going to fix this.” He told you and you just let out a scoff of disbelief because what was there to fix?

Apparently a lot. It started with a fake boyfriend who was more age appropriate and continued with you having to follow him from hotel to hotel as he travelled around the state doing press junkies.

You had called Matthew each night and he tried his best to soothe you but it was frustrating, why couldn’t you date who you wanted instead of some guy who didn’t even know you. Why did your secrets have to end up splashed on the news front page with everyone on Twitter thinking they were entitled to an opinion on how you lived your life.

And still they told you you should be thankful, that you were the lucky one who got to have this life.

But you didn’t feel lucky, you felt confused and angry and alone. You no longer felt pretty in the way you had when you first started acting, you just felt used.

Two months passed and nothing changed, you were still stuck pretending to live a life that wasn’t yours and you weren’t filming so you could hardly see Matthew which hurt and put a strain on both of you.

He had tried to be understanding but after so long, it wasn’t shocking that things came to a halt between you one night and honestly you couldn’t blame him for being frustrated, hell, you were frustrated.

You were currently in the same hotel room as your fake boyfriend who was, thankfully, out for the night.

“Matthew please.” You begged into the phone, tears filling your eyes. You hated this.

“I’m sorry, Y/N/N,” He said, his own voice thick with emotions as he wiped a hand across his face, “I can’t do this anymore. I haven’t been able to see my own girlfriend in months. You’re so worried about what strangers on the internet think about you and you shouldn’t be. At the end of the day you just have to worry about what you think of yourself.”

“Matthew,” You said, unable to say anything else as a sob escaped you.

“I really wish you the best, sweetheart, I do but I’m not what you need right now. I’ll be here for you once you’ve figured things out but until then you have to sort through this yourself.”

That night you cried more than you had in months, letting yourself scroll through Twitter, reading the posts people had tagged you in. You watched as a new actress’ name went up in lights, being praised and welcomed into the spotlight.

You remembered being like that, all them years ago as your family moved to LA for you, as they gave everything up for you to have this life, the life you had so desperately wanted, and now…now you wondered if you’d even make it out alive.

But hey, you were the lucky one right?

Things went from bad to worse and you woke up days after Matthew had broken up with you to see your name plastered all over social media, another actress had been spreading rumours about you and it seemed the internet had taken her side. Overnight you seemed to have become public enemy number one.

Your management had called you several times and when you had finally answered it was to be accused of these rumours by them, by people who’d known you since you were sixteen.

You spent the morning crying alone in a penthouse suite wishing that you could just disappear. Matthew was right, you had become so concerned, your management had made you become so concerned with your public image that you had forgotten who you were.

What happened to that kid who was so excited to get into the industry? What happened to that spark in your eyes that came with standing on red carpets and hugging fans? When had things gotten so bad that you couldn’t even pick who you loved?

That day you decided, then and there, you were done.

You didn’t know how much more you had to give to the world, didn’t know how much of you there was left for them to take but you decided they couldn’t have it. You picked your phone up, finally feeling something you hadn’t felt in a while…determination.

For so long you’d been resigned to go along doing what everyone else said you should do but no longer. You wished you could call Matthew, wished you could thank him for giving you the push you needed but he was right, you needed to do this alone and if, after everything, he was willing to have you then you wouldn’t hesitate to run back into those arms.

-

You didn’t fight back against the rumours, didn’t issue a statement like your management demanded, you didn’t livestream and tell all your followers how upsetting this was for you.

Instead you deleted each and every one of your social media accounts. Within five minutes your phone was blowing up with calls from your management but you let them go unanswered each time. You packed your bags and left the penthouse, hailing a cab and headed to the airport.

Sure you had your New York apartment but it had been a while since you'd been home home and honestly that sounded good right now. After making it big your parents decided to leave LA, telling you that that life wasn’t them. You’d understood that, you knew that and thanked them profusely for giving up so much for you.

Thankfully it was quite easy to catch a plane home and surprisingly easy to do it without any paparazzi but you managed it and pretty soon you were knocking on your parents door and crying into your mothers shoulder but somehow feeling better than you had in a long, long time.

-

It would be a year before anybody saw you in public again, your management called everyday but you had lawyers privately working to get you out of their hooks, refusing to work for them anymore.

Thankfully you had no work commitments planned, only Criminal Minds but the crew were more than understanding of your request to take some time off. You had deleted your public social media accounts but had a private Twitter account and laughed at all the speculations that came out as to how and why and where you had disappeared to.

What was greater is that a few months ago the rumours that turned everyone against you were proved to be false, lies spread to damage your career. You weren’t even mad about it, actually you were rather grateful it had happened to you because it was exactly what you had needed.

Today you were heading home to New York, you had found a place with a bunch of land, it was private so there would be no paparazzi or fans at your door each day, trying to catch a glimpse of your life.

Matthew was back in New York too, finally finished a new season of Criminal Minds and taking a break. Thankfully he had answered when you called, his happiness for you seeping through the phone and you could hear the grin on his face.

You had asked if he wanted to meet up and suggested your new place when he agreed, not quite ready to make you return known to the public just yet, not wanting them to be involved in whatever would happen between you and Matthew.

“Y/N!” Matthew exclaimed as soon as you opened the door to him, not wasting any time in wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him, a grin firmly in place.

“Hi Matthew!” You giggled into his chest, wrapping your own arms around his waist and gripping him back just as tight.

The two of you didn’t say anything for awhile, content with holding each other after so long apart. Eventually though Matthew pulled away, not going far as he placed his hand on your arm, looking you up and down.

“You look really good.” He told you, sincerity clear in his voice.

You couldn’t help but smile, it was uncontrollable when you were around him even after not seeing him for well over a year.

“I feel good,” you told him whilst nodding and if it were possible his smile widened more.

Honestly he had been rooting for you more than anybody, he wanted you out from under your team but as much as he wanted to believe in you, he also knew they had been in your ear since you were sixteen so there was a good chance you could have continued to let them control your every move.

He was glad you stood up to them and the day he saw you delete your social medias and disappear he knew you were one of the lucky ones who escaped, who weren’t going to be ruled by managements and public expectations.

“Please come in.” You smiled.

“Thank you, I love the new place!” He told you as you led him through the house and into the kitchen where food and drinks were set up.

“Thank you,” you said as the two of you sat down, Matthew sitting in the seat directly next to you, turning so he could face you. “I figured it was still in New York but it’s private enough that I feel comfortable here.”

“I’m glad you got out, Y/N/N.” He smiled, taking your hand in his.

You smiled despite the fact that your eyes filled with tears, you weren’t sad anymore but so much of your life had been wasted worrying about other people...hell you’d lost the one person you loved for over a year because of other people interfering with your life. It was a bad time but you saw it through and now you were free.

“Hey, hey,” Matthew said softly, moving his hand so he could cup your face, thumb gently brushing a stray tear. “I’m so proud of you.”

Those were the words that pushed you over the edge, sobs wracked your body but Matthew held you close, whispering sweet nothings and kissing the top of your head. He let you cry out for all the lost time between you, all the hateful comments and rumours that were spread about you. He let you cry for a life you would never miss and he let you cry for a future you hoped would be better.

“Sorry,” You said with a laugh, moving away to look up at him. He smiled down at you, that happiness reflected in his eyes. “Thank you.”

“You know I meant what I said,” He whispered, “You were brave enough to sort through everything and I’m still here.”

Matthew took your smile as all the permission he needed to lean down and press his lips against yours. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t a heavy kiss that made up for lost time, there was plenty of time for those later. No this kiss, it was soft, Matthew’s smooth lips against your slightly chapped ones, it was slow and it conveyed everything you felt for each other in those moments.

Eventually the two of you pulled away, lips red and slightly swollen as you smiled at each other.

“You know, I never got the chance to tell you this before but now seems right,” Matthew began, hand coming up to cup your face and you felt your face heat up, hopeful that he was about to admit the same thing you had wanted to confess all that time ago. “I am so in love with you, even after all this time apart. I actually think this time apart has made me love you more, you’re so strong and I am so unbelievably proud of you.”

You smiled shakily, refusing to cry again though your eyes didn’t seem to get the memo as they filled with tears, but thankfully none fell as you leaned up to kiss the man you loved, the man who loved you.

This kiss was just as soft as the first but somehow more passionate as Matthew cupped your face in his hands, holding you gently.

“I love you too,” You confessed, thankful to say it outloud after all this time, “I was so scared I’d never get to tell you but I love you so much.” You laughed in disbelief that he was here, “I am so thankful that you encouraged me to change everything because without you I’d still be stuck under their thumb, still caring more about what other people thought of me than what I thought of myself. You know my whole career people told me I was the lucky one but it never felt like I was not until now, not until you.” You told him, watching as his face softened as you spoke, watching the pride in his eyes as he listened to you.

“I hated leaving you but I’m so glad you’re free to be you.” Matthew said before kissing you again. “I love you so much.” He whispered against your lips, happy to put all the bad thoughts out of your mind as he did.

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