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Doesn’t Hurt Pt. 2

Mha

Warnings: Abusive? relationship (verbal), self-hatred, and one swear

Requested By: @hains-j @encryptedheartz @letmeknowknj @netamaru @bitchtrynafck -- thank you all for requesting a part two! I hope it does you justice

Y/n and Bakugo have always loved each other, but nothing good lasts. When Y/n gets a glimpse of how relationships could be, Katsuki has no choice but to try harder, or he might lose her forever. 

Part One! Part Three!

          Y/n wasn’t an idiot, but there were somethings she would never fully understand. One of which was how her relationships with Bakugo and Midoriya would turn out. She had always thought that she and Bakugo would stay friends, and she would end up being with Midoriya. Izuku had always been so nice to her, and they were much closer. He would have treated her like a princess- like she was his everything. He would never stop cherishing her if they were dating, so why had things ended up the way they did?

Bakugo had asked her out on a date before Izuku had the chance. It wasn’t anything special, but things with Katsuki never were. Even growing up, it always felt like he was a little bit embarrassed by being with her. He looked at Y/n like she was the world, but he could never bring himself to hold her for more than a minute. 

They were inseparable and head-over-heels in love. They spent every waking hour together, and Katsuki would never be able to voice how gushy and warm he felt when looking at her. He loved knowing she was his, but it hurt when she spent time with Midoriya. He knew that Deku loved y/n before Deku knew, and he knew that if he didn’t do something quickly, Midoriya would ask her out first.

Much like how Y/n wasn’t an idiot, neither was Bakugo.  He was well aware that if both he and Midoriya confessed at the same time, she would choose the latter. He was softer, nicer, and -as much as Bakugo hated to admit it- Midoriya knew y/n better than he did. 

When Y/n said yes, Bakugo knew he won. He knew that all of y/n’s firsts would be with him: first date, first kiss, first everything. He finally had something that Izuku didn’t, and he would never be able to have her. She was all his. 

He had taken her out to a movie- it was a quiet Disney movie that she had been gushing about, so he knew it was the safe option; it was hard to displease y/n any way, so it wasn’t like it mattered. Nothing really mattered.

Whenever he stumbled, Y/n was there to keep him to his feet, if he ever felt like giving up, she would push him to continue and do his best. If they fought, she would come back to him with an apology and kisses. It was a continuous loop, and it felt safe. 

He never worried that she would leave him; because, why would he? He was the strongest person in her life, he was her first boyfriend, and she was his. They were together, and if anyone said anything to the contrary he would set them straight; however, as they got older, having her there became increasingly embarrassing. It was just awkward to have his own personal cheerleader with him 24/7, and while he enjoyed the encouragement, he didn’t want anyone to think he needed her- he would be fine without her! 

Sure it's nice to have someone there to vent to, to hold during his darkest house, someone there to anchor him to earth so he didn’t feel like he was floating off into space. It was amazing to have a girlfriend, but she wasn’t a necessity. He doesn’t need someone to walk to school with, someone to call at 2 am after a nightmare, someone to spend time with on the weekends, or someone who makes his lunch. He doesn’t need a support system, or hugs and kisses. He doesn’t need anyone. But if that’s true, then why does it hurt so much when he hears people talk to her? 

He knows he’s a great boyfriend, she knows he takes care of her, but then why does it bother him when other people talk about their relationship? The whispers in the cafeteria, the glares in the halls, none of it should matter, nothing should matter, but that can’t erase his undying need to show her off, to prove to everyone that he’s the best boyfriend ever. He just can’t bring himself to do it.

Izuku wasn’t an idiot. He knew if fifth grade, when Y/n had slept over and wore a cute, fox-print, crop top and legging PJ set, that she had a hold of his heart. She didn’t steal it, it was more like he woke up one day, and it wasn’t his anymore. There was never a moment of transferring ownership, it just belonged to her.

He also knew that if he confessed, she would accept. Whether that be a reciprocation of feelings or pity he wouldn’t know, but if he had asked her to be each other's, she would say yes. Midoriya knew that Bakugo liked her, but Y/n never had the chance to decide for herself.

It was no secret that, if given the option between the two boys, Y/n would choose Bakugo. He was stronger, more confident, and he was everything a protector should be. So, he settled with being the best friend. He could handle the phonecalls after she left, gushing about how nice Bakugo had been, he could take the phone calls of her crying at 4 am, after Bakugo hung up on her, he could handle being in second place to her heart. 

His soul was crushed when she told him. He felt his heart shatter in her palm, and she didn’t even know she was holding it in the first place. But still, he was and always will be hers. He would support her whenever she needed him, it might not be healthy, but it’s all he can do to be with her. He just wants what’s best for her. 

Y/n never had a clue that Midoriya felt that way about her, she always thought he saw her as a close friend, but she always wondered what would have happened if he had confessed to her late at night during one of their sleepovers.

On more than one occasion she has thought back to lying next to Midoriya on his bed in the middle of the night. She could still imagine his light breaths in and out, soft and repetitive. He would turn to face her, and he would whisper out all sleepily, “I think I’m in love with you,” and then he would fall back asleep.

It might be unhealthy with the number of times she’s thought of this, but could anyone really blame her? Bakugo loved her, and he really did enjoy her being around him, but he only showed his affection in private- it made her doubt if he actually liked her, or the idea of her. It got to her, and as much as she hates to admit it, Y/n’s spent countless nights outside, by herself, looking at the stars for answers. 

Tonight was one of those nights. She was still in her pajama set, and the fall weather had started to get to her, but she didn’t want to leave. It was nice out here by herself, it felt so calm. Her family had been surprised that she and Bakugo started dating, Y/n always preferred things neat and calm, in their place. There was one outlier in her life, and that was Bakugo. 

He was loud and chaotic, he disrupted her peace in the best possible way, but even the best of storms tear down trees, and boy did he tear up her forest. Loving Katuski was only hard when he was there- as bad as it sounds it’s true.

When he’s not present, it’s easy to remember all the amazing things they’ve done together, all of the cuddles and sleepovers, and the breakfasts’ and dates, all of the I love you’s and the kisses whispered far passed midnight, it’s so easy to get caught up in the good times, he was always so soft- unless he was there.

When Bakugo was there, he was cold and stubborn. He was never one to initiate contact unless he was jealous, and even then it was only ever with Izuku. When he was there, he was a knife digging into her skin, and all the while he thought he was just tracing over her with his fingertips. He loved her, god did he love her, and it was always obvious to them that he loved her. Who didn’t?

But he never showed it to other people. In the beginning, it didn’t bother her too much, but as time passed on it became less and less of him not being comfortable enough with PTA and more and more of him just not wanting to hold her hand, and that tore at Y/n’s skin in every place possible. It was the monster that hid under her bed until the darkest time of the night when only she was awake with her thoughts.

That’s what led her here, to the balcony of her dorm room. She was almost crying, and she was so cold. Y/n had lost track of time in her head- like she usually did. It was hard not to when so much was on her mind. Her body moved closer in on itself, and she rubbed her arms for warmth. It was almost time for her to go back in, but Y/n just wanted to stay out just a little longer. 

“Y/l/n?” A voice from above asked, “What are you doing out in the night?”

To say she was startled was an understatement. She had been so shocked, that she jumped back and almost fell over hr balcony. Luckily, a force had stabilized her from behind, giving her a light nudge back over the railing.

“Tokoyami,” she breathed out, putting a hand over her chest, “you’re getting better at that.” Her chest had shut in on itself for a split second, and her body was shaking slightly.

“Thank you, it takes much effort and practice,” he was now leaning down over the railing himself, watching her.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself doing that,” Y/n pointed out growing increasingly worried about the boy who she never really spoke to thought a propose.

“Are you proposing I leave?” He asked, trying to hide the weird stung of being rejected before he had the chance to say anything.

“No,” Y/n laughed and shook her head, “I was going to invite you down,” She smiled up at him, and she shifted over to the far side of her little terrace.

Tokoyami jumped down, and he landed softly- albeit with a little help from Dark Shadow. It was rare for the students to see each other outside of school uniforms, so the only real taste they had of each other's style was their hero costume, and how ell could a costume judge a person wardrobe?

For the first few seconds, they just stood there observing each other. Tokoyami’s oversized, light-purple hoodie was much better suited for the weather than her cropped, black, hoodie. His was cute and solid, but hers had a band she had been listening to written over it. It was a cute top, but it did nothing to protect her from the cold.

She broke the atmosphere by turning to her side and leaning over the railing. She propped her head upon her hands, while her elbows supported herself on the railing.

Tokoyami stared at her while she looked up at the stars. This girl had been on his radar since the first day of school. Her quirk was one of the strongest ones he has ever heard of, and getting to see her use it in person was amazing. He always wondered how hard she could push it.

“We have school tomorrow,” he said, standing next to her and looking out into the sky, “if we want to do our best, we should go to sleep soon.”

“I think...” she looked up to the stars, and her face was dim, “I think I might stay in my dorm tomorrow.”

This captured all of Tokoyami’s attention, it had been almost as startling as when someone admits to something completely insane, like stealing clothes or putting ketchup on broccoli, it was so out of the blue and out of character.

“You- you think you’re going to... What?” The girl who was first in academics and quirk advancement was going to- skip class?

She laughed a little, but it had no humor in it. “It’s not unheard of to take mental health days, how do you think I do so well in school?”

“Showing up on time every day and doing everything in your power to study hard and pay attention?”

“All of that is good and all,” her face fell into a deep frown, “but none of it gets you anywhere if you’re not taking care of yourself. You should always put your own mental and physical wellbeing before anything else- the school isn’t important enough to sacrifice yourself for.”

“Why doesn’t that logic apply to your relationships?”

Dead silence.

He hadn't meant to say that out loud! It was one of those thoughts that jump into your head that you immediately scold yourself for- it was never supposed to leave his head.

In an awkward attempt to diffuse the conversation-killing bomb he had just dropped, he asked her, “So when do you plan on turning in for the night anyway?”

What Tokoyami said wouldn’t have usually had any effect on Y/n, she was used to people talking to her about her relationship with Bakugo- they always danced around the topic and tried not to come out and say what the wanted to. 

If it was any other day, she would have brushed it off and be fine, but adding another classmate's opinion onto the pile that had formed on her chest was really starting to weigh her down. What would she say to that if it was any other night? Any other second? She would say something that didn’t show how sad she was, something witty that would hopefully make him laugh...

“Quote the raven,” Y/n smirked a little at her own pun, and she ended up giggling at her own joke. 

Tokoyami’s eyes lit up at the reference, and his feathers puffed up as he tried t contain his excitement to keep up his facade, “You read poetry?” 

“Only the good kind,” she pointed upwards, “the classics.”

“Hey, Y/L/N, you’ve gotta tell me,”

“Tell you what?” She looked into his eyes again, taking the moment to really appreciate them for the first time. The way the moonlight reflected on the red made it look like it was a shining lighthouse in the distance, signaling to all the sailors that they were safe from the storm that they had been fighting on their own. 

“Why don't you use your power to do something... more?” He was almost at a loss for words, but there must be a reason. Here she was, a shivering mess, and yet she refused to imagine a jacket, a heater, anything of the sort! It was confusing, and he wasn’t the only person who felt this way- almost the whole class had voiced an opinion on the subject.

“I just-” she looked away again and grimaced, “I don’t even know anymore. At first, I thought it was for moral purposes, but know?” She laughed, “God! I feel like I’m- I don’t know... punishing myself for something? Does that make any sense?”

He nodded, and if he had a mouth he would smile. “What could you have to punish yourself for?”

A wave of sadness washed over her like a hundred memories flashed into her brain. She could see herself in moments like these. She knew it was herself because she recognized her face, but everything else was different. Her personality, her appearance, but most of all, Midoriya was always by her side- he almost always had an arm around her shoulders or her waist. They were together, and they were always smiling a big, great smirk that covered there entire faces. 

Y/n hates herself for saying yes to Katsuki that day, she regrets it; because, if she had said no, so it would have been awkward, but, at least then she wouldn’t be trapped in a relationship she didn’t want to be in. And then, she hates herself for this. Nothing ways on Y/n’s heart more than knowing that while she is here, imagining a life with one of her best friends, her boyfriend is in bed thinking there’s nothing wrong- he trusts her completely. 

Tokoyami’s eyes had appeared in her lane of vision, and it became awkwardly clear that she had zoned out. But his eyes... they made her feel so safe, it was a weird feeling for someone she had rarely talked to give her, but she had a feeling she’d be seeing him a lot more in the future.

“Has anyone told you that it’s really difficult not to talk to you?” She asked, feeling like she had been a little too loose-lipped. 

He laughed a shook his head, as he leaned back on the railing and shoved his hands into the pouch of his hoodie. “Yeah,” he blushed, “I get that a lot. It’s not like I’m nosey! People just have a tendency to tell me everything, whether I ask or not.”

Y/n scoffed a bit, and she shivered once again. “I should go inside if I don’t want to get sick,” she murmured, but she still stared out into the night.

“I assume that, no matter how much logical sense it makes, you won’t be going inside any time soon?” He looked to her head, and he saw her hair move along with the motions of her shaking it back and forth. With a sigh, he walked over to her and engulfed her in his arms from behind.

“Huh?” Y/n voiced, alarmed by the sudden contact.

Tokoyami, who refused to look at her, tried to explain himself with, “I don’t want you to get sick,” but he spoke so softly it was hard to hear. Nevertheless, he kept her close to his torso with his hands unmoving from around her.

---------------------------------------------------

Katsuki was about to barge into his girlfriend's room and throw a fit; she hadn’t shown up for their breakfast, so he had to sit next to Kaminari and Sero- how could she leave him to dry like that?

Just as he was about to twist the lock, he read what she had written on a whiteboard that was pinned to the back of her door, why she liked it he would never know. It read, Sorry, I caught a cold and don’t want to get sick! Don’t worry about me, and study hard! Especially you, Iida, I’ll be fine in a day or two, so you don’t need to get me meds of flowers + get well soon cards- Love Y’all xoxo

Katsuki suddenly felt an overwhelming amount of guilt wash over him; he was so selfish, who would yell at someone for staying homesick? A jerk, that’s who. Y/n had probably been studying so hard last night, she always ran herself into the ground. and now she caught a cold. He felt so bad for her, but in case she was asleep he didn’t want to bother her- she would need all the rest she could get.

How Bakugo responded would have gone a lot differently if he knew what was happening behind that door. No one will ever know what he would have done, because, on the other side of these walls, his girlfriend was in bed next to his classmate.  It wouldn’t matter that the only reason he slept in her bed was because he had fallen asleep after they sat down on the terrace, and she didn’t want to bother anyone by bringing hi to his proper room, so she just plopped him down on her bed, and she slept on a beanbag chair she had in the corner, wrapped up in her heaviest comforter. 

He would blow up- or at least that’s what Y/n is currently telling herself as she cuddles into Tokoyami’s feathers. He would be angry, and he would start a fight, but nothing seems to hush that quiet voice nudging her shoulder, pulling her down, and whispering in her ear, “He’d only be angry if he cared.”

Y/n hated how she thought, who could doubt someone who had been with her through thick and thin? Over the years, not once had he flirted with another girl- he was completely loyal to her... he would never hurt her.

If he didn’t realize he was hurting her, then he did nothing wrong. It’s not Katsuki’s fault that she was so anxious- if he was faithful to her she has to repay the favor.

He didn’t know, and she would never tell him. Even as she lays in bed basking in the warmth of someone else body, she makes a promise with herself. I will stay by his side until he tells me to stop. Until he kicks me out of his life I will be unwaveringly loyal; because, he loves me- and I... I love him.

And like all birds, she stayed quiet in her cage. And like all owners, he had no idea that the metal bars she was kept in were too small for her wings. And like all lighthouses, Tokoyami will stay where he is, as he reminds her to fly towards the light to find her way home. And like all idiots, Midoriya won’t chase after her; because, who is he to deny his friends the happiness he is so sure they have? 

In all of the times and in all of the places, the predator will devour the pray without a second thought. He will rip her limb from limb, insecurity by insecurity until she is nothing more than a circus of bones to remind everyone of the shell of a girl she had become. 

And though she felt every scratch, every stab, every time he knocked her down, she would say nothing- she deserves it for doubting his love for her. She deserves it, and so much more. People will never stop talking to her about it, and she will never stop defending him, Katsuki Bakugo is and forever will be the perfect boyfriend to her, and Y/n will always say that. She will throw herself in front of a blade if it means sparing him. 

Healthy or not, it didn’t matter. She is his, to do with as he deems fit. He chose her, and she was privileged to have him by her side, no matter how aggressive he is. And at the end of the day, when she’s all alone with her new friend in the shadows when no one else can hear her, only then will she say the truth. Only then will someone finally know; When Katsuki talks down to her, it fucking hurts.