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Doesn’t Hurt Pt. 2

Mha

Warnings: Abusive? relationship (verbal), self-hatred, and one swear

Requested By: @hains-j @encryptedheartz @letmeknowknj @netamaru @bitchtrynafck -- thank you all for requesting a part two! I hope it does you justice

Y/n and Bakugo have always loved each other, but nothing good lasts. When Y/n gets a glimpse of how relationships could be, Katsuki has no choice but to try harder, or he might lose her forever. 

Part One! Part Three!

          Y/n wasn’t an idiot, but there were somethings she would never fully understand. One of which was how her relationships with Bakugo and Midoriya would turn out. She had always thought that she and Bakugo would stay friends, and she would end up being with Midoriya. Izuku had always been so nice to her, and they were much closer. He would have treated her like a princess- like she was his everything. He would never stop cherishing her if they were dating, so why had things ended up the way they did?

Bakugo had asked her out on a date before Izuku had the chance. It wasn’t anything special, but things with Katsuki never were. Even growing up, it always felt like he was a little bit embarrassed by being with her. He looked at Y/n like she was the world, but he could never bring himself to hold her for more than a minute. 

They were inseparable and head-over-heels in love. They spent every waking hour together, and Katsuki would never be able to voice how gushy and warm he felt when looking at her. He loved knowing she was his, but it hurt when she spent time with Midoriya. He knew that Deku loved y/n before Deku knew, and he knew that if he didn’t do something quickly, Midoriya would ask her out first.

Much like how Y/n wasn’t an idiot, neither was Bakugo.  He was well aware that if both he and Midoriya confessed at the same time, she would choose the latter. He was softer, nicer, and -as much as Bakugo hated to admit it- Midoriya knew y/n better than he did. 

When Y/n said yes, Bakugo knew he won. He knew that all of y/n’s firsts would be with him: first date, first kiss, first everything. He finally had something that Izuku didn’t, and he would never be able to have her. She was all his. 

He had taken her out to a movie- it was a quiet Disney movie that she had been gushing about, so he knew it was the safe option; it was hard to displease y/n any way, so it wasn’t like it mattered. Nothing really mattered.

Whenever he stumbled, Y/n was there to keep him to his feet, if he ever felt like giving up, she would push him to continue and do his best. If they fought, she would come back to him with an apology and kisses. It was a continuous loop, and it felt safe. 

He never worried that she would leave him; because, why would he? He was the strongest person in her life, he was her first boyfriend, and she was his. They were together, and if anyone said anything to the contrary he would set them straight; however, as they got older, having her there became increasingly embarrassing. It was just awkward to have his own personal cheerleader with him 24/7, and while he enjoyed the encouragement, he didn’t want anyone to think he needed her- he would be fine without her! 

Sure it's nice to have someone there to vent to, to hold during his darkest house, someone there to anchor him to earth so he didn’t feel like he was floating off into space. It was amazing to have a girlfriend, but she wasn’t a necessity. He doesn’t need someone to walk to school with, someone to call at 2 am after a nightmare, someone to spend time with on the weekends, or someone who makes his lunch. He doesn’t need a support system, or hugs and kisses. He doesn’t need anyone. But if that’s true, then why does it hurt so much when he hears people talk to her? 

He knows he’s a great boyfriend, she knows he takes care of her, but then why does it bother him when other people talk about their relationship? The whispers in the cafeteria, the glares in the halls, none of it should matter, nothing should matter, but that can’t erase his undying need to show her off, to prove to everyone that he’s the best boyfriend ever. He just can’t bring himself to do it.

Izuku wasn’t an idiot. He knew if fifth grade, when Y/n had slept over and wore a cute, fox-print, crop top and legging PJ set, that she had a hold of his heart. She didn’t steal it, it was more like he woke up one day, and it wasn’t his anymore. There was never a moment of transferring ownership, it just belonged to her.

He also knew that if he confessed, she would accept. Whether that be a reciprocation of feelings or pity he wouldn’t know, but if he had asked her to be each other's, she would say yes. Midoriya knew that Bakugo liked her, but Y/n never had the chance to decide for herself.

It was no secret that, if given the option between the two boys, Y/n would choose Bakugo. He was stronger, more confident, and he was everything a protector should be. So, he settled with being the best friend. He could handle the phonecalls after she left, gushing about how nice Bakugo had been, he could take the phone calls of her crying at 4 am, after Bakugo hung up on her, he could handle being in second place to her heart. 

His soul was crushed when she told him. He felt his heart shatter in her palm, and she didn’t even know she was holding it in the first place. But still, he was and always will be hers. He would support her whenever she needed him, it might not be healthy, but it’s all he can do to be with her. He just wants what’s best for her. 

Y/n never had a clue that Midoriya felt that way about her, she always thought he saw her as a close friend, but she always wondered what would have happened if he had confessed to her late at night during one of their sleepovers.

On more than one occasion she has thought back to lying next to Midoriya on his bed in the middle of the night. She could still imagine his light breaths in and out, soft and repetitive. He would turn to face her, and he would whisper out all sleepily, “I think I’m in love with you,” and then he would fall back asleep.

It might be unhealthy with the number of times she’s thought of this, but could anyone really blame her? Bakugo loved her, and he really did enjoy her being around him, but he only showed his affection in private- it made her doubt if he actually liked her, or the idea of her. It got to her, and as much as she hates to admit it, Y/n’s spent countless nights outside, by herself, looking at the stars for answers. 

Tonight was one of those nights. She was still in her pajama set, and the fall weather had started to get to her, but she didn’t want to leave. It was nice out here by herself, it felt so calm. Her family had been surprised that she and Bakugo started dating, Y/n always preferred things neat and calm, in their place. There was one outlier in her life, and that was Bakugo. 

He was loud and chaotic, he disrupted her peace in the best possible way, but even the best of storms tear down trees, and boy did he tear up her forest. Loving Katuski was only hard when he was there- as bad as it sounds it’s true.

When he’s not present, it’s easy to remember all the amazing things they’ve done together, all of the cuddles and sleepovers, and the breakfasts’ and dates, all of the I love you’s and the kisses whispered far passed midnight, it’s so easy to get caught up in the good times, he was always so soft- unless he was there.

When Bakugo was there, he was cold and stubborn. He was never one to initiate contact unless he was jealous, and even then it was only ever with Izuku. When he was there, he was a knife digging into her skin, and all the while he thought he was just tracing over her with his fingertips. He loved her, god did he love her, and it was always obvious to them that he loved her. Who didn’t?

But he never showed it to other people. In the beginning, it didn’t bother her too much, but as time passed on it became less and less of him not being comfortable enough with PTA and more and more of him just not wanting to hold her hand, and that tore at Y/n’s skin in every place possible. It was the monster that hid under her bed until the darkest time of the night when only she was awake with her thoughts.

That’s what led her here, to the balcony of her dorm room. She was almost crying, and she was so cold. Y/n had lost track of time in her head- like she usually did. It was hard not to when so much was on her mind. Her body moved closer in on itself, and she rubbed her arms for warmth. It was almost time for her to go back in, but Y/n just wanted to stay out just a little longer. 

“Y/l/n?” A voice from above asked, “What are you doing out in the night?”

To say she was startled was an understatement. She had been so shocked, that she jumped back and almost fell over hr balcony. Luckily, a force had stabilized her from behind, giving her a light nudge back over the railing.

“Tokoyami,” she breathed out, putting a hand over her chest, “you’re getting better at that.” Her chest had shut in on itself for a split second, and her body was shaking slightly.

“Thank you, it takes much effort and practice,” he was now leaning down over the railing himself, watching her.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself doing that,” Y/n pointed out growing increasingly worried about the boy who she never really spoke to thought a propose.

“Are you proposing I leave?” He asked, trying to hide the weird stung of being rejected before he had the chance to say anything.

“No,” Y/n laughed and shook her head, “I was going to invite you down,” She smiled up at him, and she shifted over to the far side of her little terrace.

Tokoyami jumped down, and he landed softly- albeit with a little help from Dark Shadow. It was rare for the students to see each other outside of school uniforms, so the only real taste they had of each other's style was their hero costume, and how ell could a costume judge a person wardrobe?

For the first few seconds, they just stood there observing each other. Tokoyami’s oversized, light-purple hoodie was much better suited for the weather than her cropped, black, hoodie. His was cute and solid, but hers had a band she had been listening to written over it. It was a cute top, but it did nothing to protect her from the cold.

She broke the atmosphere by turning to her side and leaning over the railing. She propped her head upon her hands, while her elbows supported herself on the railing.

Tokoyami stared at her while she looked up at the stars. This girl had been on his radar since the first day of school. Her quirk was one of the strongest ones he has ever heard of, and getting to see her use it in person was amazing. He always wondered how hard she could push it.

“We have school tomorrow,” he said, standing next to her and looking out into the sky, “if we want to do our best, we should go to sleep soon.”

“I think...” she looked up to the stars, and her face was dim, “I think I might stay in my dorm tomorrow.”

This captured all of Tokoyami’s attention, it had been almost as startling as when someone admits to something completely insane, like stealing clothes or putting ketchup on broccoli, it was so out of the blue and out of character.

“You- you think you’re going to... What?” The girl who was first in academics and quirk advancement was going to- skip class?

She laughed a little, but it had no humor in it. “It’s not unheard of to take mental health days, how do you think I do so well in school?”

“Showing up on time every day and doing everything in your power to study hard and pay attention?”

“All of that is good and all,” her face fell into a deep frown, “but none of it gets you anywhere if you’re not taking care of yourself. You should always put your own mental and physical wellbeing before anything else- the school isn’t important enough to sacrifice yourself for.”

“Why doesn’t that logic apply to your relationships?”

Dead silence.

He hadn't meant to say that out loud! It was one of those thoughts that jump into your head that you immediately scold yourself for- it was never supposed to leave his head.

In an awkward attempt to diffuse the conversation-killing bomb he had just dropped, he asked her, “So when do you plan on turning in for the night anyway?”

What Tokoyami said wouldn’t have usually had any effect on Y/n, she was used to people talking to her about her relationship with Bakugo- they always danced around the topic and tried not to come out and say what the wanted to. 

If it was any other day, she would have brushed it off and be fine, but adding another classmate's opinion onto the pile that had formed on her chest was really starting to weigh her down. What would she say to that if it was any other night? Any other second? She would say something that didn’t show how sad she was, something witty that would hopefully make him laugh...

“Quote the raven,” Y/n smirked a little at her own pun, and she ended up giggling at her own joke. 

Tokoyami’s eyes lit up at the reference, and his feathers puffed up as he tried t contain his excitement to keep up his facade, “You read poetry?” 

“Only the good kind,” she pointed upwards, “the classics.”

“Hey, Y/L/N, you’ve gotta tell me,”

“Tell you what?” She looked into his eyes again, taking the moment to really appreciate them for the first time. The way the moonlight reflected on the red made it look like it was a shining lighthouse in the distance, signaling to all the sailors that they were safe from the storm that they had been fighting on their own. 

“Why don't you use your power to do something... more?” He was almost at a loss for words, but there must be a reason. Here she was, a shivering mess, and yet she refused to imagine a jacket, a heater, anything of the sort! It was confusing, and he wasn’t the only person who felt this way- almost the whole class had voiced an opinion on the subject.

“I just-” she looked away again and grimaced, “I don’t even know anymore. At first, I thought it was for moral purposes, but know?” She laughed, “God! I feel like I’m- I don’t know... punishing myself for something? Does that make any sense?”

He nodded, and if he had a mouth he would smile. “What could you have to punish yourself for?”

A wave of sadness washed over her like a hundred memories flashed into her brain. She could see herself in moments like these. She knew it was herself because she recognized her face, but everything else was different. Her personality, her appearance, but most of all, Midoriya was always by her side- he almost always had an arm around her shoulders or her waist. They were together, and they were always smiling a big, great smirk that covered there entire faces. 

Y/n hates herself for saying yes to Katsuki that day, she regrets it; because, if she had said no, so it would have been awkward, but, at least then she wouldn’t be trapped in a relationship she didn’t want to be in. And then, she hates herself for this. Nothing ways on Y/n’s heart more than knowing that while she is here, imagining a life with one of her best friends, her boyfriend is in bed thinking there’s nothing wrong- he trusts her completely. 

Tokoyami’s eyes had appeared in her lane of vision, and it became awkwardly clear that she had zoned out. But his eyes... they made her feel so safe, it was a weird feeling for someone she had rarely talked to give her, but she had a feeling she’d be seeing him a lot more in the future.

“Has anyone told you that it’s really difficult not to talk to you?” She asked, feeling like she had been a little too loose-lipped. 

He laughed a shook his head, as he leaned back on the railing and shoved his hands into the pouch of his hoodie. “Yeah,” he blushed, “I get that a lot. It’s not like I’m nosey! People just have a tendency to tell me everything, whether I ask or not.”

Y/n scoffed a bit, and she shivered once again. “I should go inside if I don’t want to get sick,” she murmured, but she still stared out into the night.

“I assume that, no matter how much logical sense it makes, you won’t be going inside any time soon?” He looked to her head, and he saw her hair move along with the motions of her shaking it back and forth. With a sigh, he walked over to her and engulfed her in his arms from behind.

“Huh?” Y/n voiced, alarmed by the sudden contact.

Tokoyami, who refused to look at her, tried to explain himself with, “I don’t want you to get sick,” but he spoke so softly it was hard to hear. Nevertheless, he kept her close to his torso with his hands unmoving from around her.

---------------------------------------------------

Katsuki was about to barge into his girlfriend's room and throw a fit; she hadn’t shown up for their breakfast, so he had to sit next to Kaminari and Sero- how could she leave him to dry like that?

Just as he was about to twist the lock, he read what she had written on a whiteboard that was pinned to the back of her door, why she liked it he would never know. It read, Sorry, I caught a cold and don’t want to get sick! Don’t worry about me, and study hard! Especially you, Iida, I’ll be fine in a day or two, so you don’t need to get me meds of flowers + get well soon cards- Love Y’all xoxo

Katsuki suddenly felt an overwhelming amount of guilt wash over him; he was so selfish, who would yell at someone for staying homesick? A jerk, that’s who. Y/n had probably been studying so hard last night, she always ran herself into the ground. and now she caught a cold. He felt so bad for her, but in case she was asleep he didn’t want to bother her- she would need all the rest she could get.

How Bakugo responded would have gone a lot differently if he knew what was happening behind that door. No one will ever know what he would have done, because, on the other side of these walls, his girlfriend was in bed next to his classmate.  It wouldn’t matter that the only reason he slept in her bed was because he had fallen asleep after they sat down on the terrace, and she didn’t want to bother anyone by bringing hi to his proper room, so she just plopped him down on her bed, and she slept on a beanbag chair she had in the corner, wrapped up in her heaviest comforter. 

He would blow up- or at least that’s what Y/n is currently telling herself as she cuddles into Tokoyami’s feathers. He would be angry, and he would start a fight, but nothing seems to hush that quiet voice nudging her shoulder, pulling her down, and whispering in her ear, “He’d only be angry if he cared.”

Y/n hated how she thought, who could doubt someone who had been with her through thick and thin? Over the years, not once had he flirted with another girl- he was completely loyal to her... he would never hurt her.

If he didn’t realize he was hurting her, then he did nothing wrong. It’s not Katsuki’s fault that she was so anxious- if he was faithful to her she has to repay the favor.

He didn’t know, and she would never tell him. Even as she lays in bed basking in the warmth of someone else body, she makes a promise with herself. I will stay by his side until he tells me to stop. Until he kicks me out of his life I will be unwaveringly loyal; because, he loves me- and I... I love him.

And like all birds, she stayed quiet in her cage. And like all owners, he had no idea that the metal bars she was kept in were too small for her wings. And like all lighthouses, Tokoyami will stay where he is, as he reminds her to fly towards the light to find her way home. And like all idiots, Midoriya won’t chase after her; because, who is he to deny his friends the happiness he is so sure they have? 

In all of the times and in all of the places, the predator will devour the pray without a second thought. He will rip her limb from limb, insecurity by insecurity until she is nothing more than a circus of bones to remind everyone of the shell of a girl she had become. 

And though she felt every scratch, every stab, every time he knocked her down, she would say nothing- she deserves it for doubting his love for her. She deserves it, and so much more. People will never stop talking to her about it, and she will never stop defending him, Katsuki Bakugo is and forever will be the perfect boyfriend to her, and Y/n will always say that. She will throw herself in front of a blade if it means sparing him. 

Healthy or not, it didn’t matter. She is his, to do with as he deems fit. He chose her, and she was privileged to have him by her side, no matter how aggressive he is. And at the end of the day, when she’s all alone with her new friend in the shadows when no one else can hear her, only then will she say the truth. Only then will someone finally know; When Katsuki talks down to her, it fucking hurts.

Doesn’t Hurt pt. 3

Tokoyami x Reader, Bakugo x Reader, Midoriya x Reader Warnings: Angst with a happy ending Requested by: @hains-j , @encryptedheartz , @nitricflame and an Anon who made me cry from being too nice, I love you all! Thank you so much for liking my writing, it fuels me to keep going

Part three to Doesn’t Hurt, where Y/n finally understands what a relationship is, and birds don’t belong to be locked in a pretty silver cage

AN: Death to Y/n (No y/n usage)

!Please Read!:   Part One   Part Two 

Edited: feb. 29 2024

          They say that the heart was made to be broken. It was stuffed down your throat in every bad poem you’d had read, in every story that never knew when enough was enough, it was a bitter pill that was overused. And yet, it had slowly started to make sense.

As you laid down in bed with Katsuki by your side, you could feel ice start to form over your heart. It was like frost over a window, and it took less than an hour for the cold to be all you could think of. Why am I so cold, when I used to burn for you?

You’d spoken to Fumikage again the night prior, and it was almost like your mouth became a faucet, and the droplets of words turned to a steady stream which couldn’t be shut off.

He had you inside one of his largely oversized sweatshirts, and you couldn’t have stopped yourself from leaning deeply into his heat.

“You’re so warm,” you’d whispered, leaning into his shirt-covered chest. It vibrated heartily as he chuckled. You’d gotten used to each other’s presence, and, while it had taken a long time, things were so comfortable the first names just seemed to flow. After all, how long can you stay acquaintances with someone you’ve shared a bed with? 

“You know you’d be a lot warmer if you dressed for the weather,” he’d whispered; it hadn’t taken long for Tokoyami to figure out that his new midnight friend was shocked by loud noises. He had many theories as to why, but he never had enough evidence to feel comfortable asking you about them.

“Why would I do that if I have a personal furnace with me?”

“Hah! Sometimes I think that’s the only reason you keep me around,” he teased her rarely, but when he did it would catch you so off guard that you would have trouble getting serious again.

 “No- I keep you around because you’re the only person I think I can really talk to,” you had looked up at the stars, oblivious to the stares he’d leveled on the back of your head. 

If only he could tell you how he felt, he would cherish you like the muse he knew you truly were- he was so much better than the evil spirit you associated yourself with. But, for now, he would have to disguise his compliments as well as he could with friendship.

“You were breathtaking during your presentation today,” 

“Oh! Uh- thank you, Fumi! That means a lot coming from you,” a smile had taken over your face, and it was as bright as the stars you oh-so admired. 

Tokoyami loved it when you smiled. He brought his arms around both of your bodies, and he pressed them closer together, as he rested his forehead on the top of your head, leaning slightly to the side as to not hit you with his beak.

“Aww,” you cooed at him and nuzzled closer to his chest, “someone’s feeling awfully brazen tonight.”

“No, not brazen. Just cold,” He lied. He hated lying, but he couldn’t exactly tell you the truth now, could he? What would he say? ‘I know you’re in a relationship, but I think I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you that if you told me the sky was green, I’d believe you without a second thought, and I’m worried you don’t know how much power you hold over me,’ 

You would freak out, and he’d never be able to hold you again. You would stretch your wings and fly away, as you were already hovering just out of reach. He knew it was wrong, it’s immoral to covet another person’s treasures, but when they treat them like paper-weights, is it truly wrong to try and save them?

He kissed the top of your head, “You’re too good for anyone,”

“Are you anyone?”

“I don’t know, am I anyone to you?”

“This seems like a dangerous game,” you had sighed and turned around to face him. You knew that the moment you looked into his poisonous eyes you’d be hooked. His eyes wouldn’t let you go without a struggle. 

“You’ve never been one to walk on the path of easy decisions and smooth pavement,” he challenged you, daring you- begging you to say something, anything to prove he stood a chance. 

“I don’t know. I feel like I’m taking the easy route in almost anything I do nowadays,” 

He grabbed your hands and held them in his own, “You’re hurting, it’s natural to shield yourself from anything that could harm you further,”

You were rarely left speechless, but with his intoxicating words and deadly eyes, it was hard to form a response worth saying.

“I’m starting to think you’re a bad influence,” You whispered, and you put your noses together.

“Believe me, that was never my attention,” he tilted his head lightly, and he was so close you could feel his breath on your lips; you were sure he felt the same.

You looked from his beak to his eyes. If he had lips you doubt you could have have been able to resist kissing him, but you was given the opportunity to second-guess yourself. 

His crystal eyes shined through the clouds, like the beacon on the pier, they always seemed to beckon you closer. They dared you to sail towards them, it was almost like they held the secret to the world.

“I can’t kiss you, Fumi,” you whispered. You eyes had clenched shut, as you tried to stop the tears that were beginning to show themselves. You can’t do this, this isn’t you.

“Why not?” He asked, his heart was falling apart, and it felt like he was being burned.

“I can’t leave Katsuki, he’s done nothing wrong,”

“He’s done nothing right,” he interjected as soon as you finished talking. “You shouldn’t stay with someone who makes you doubt your worth,”

Your phone rang from inside you dorm. You ducked under his sweatshirt and sighed. 

“That’s him, isn’t it?” He asked. He wasn’t mad, just very frustrated. 

“I think…” You looked away from him, “You should go to your room.”

You left him on your balcony, and you answered your boyfriend. He watched as you shut the door, you didn’t lock it. Did she want me to ignore what she said and go in? Was this a test? Or did she really want me to leave? 

“Dammit!” He huffed before going up to his room. Why did he have what he wanted, what he deserved? Bakugo couldn’t keep you, does he not see how sad you are with him? A real man would leave on his own.

That night, four people cried themselves to sleep. A prince who lost his princess before he even had the chance to pull out his sword, a storm that destroyed the peace-wrecking everything it touched, a lighthouse that only wanted to guide the lost back home, and a white dove that couldn’t stretch its wings- forever trapped in her cage. 

——————————————–

Bakugo’s hand rested on your waist as he slept. You had been watching a movie before he passed out, and he was un-budging. It always shocked you, how he used to keep you so warm.

He would hold you in private, as soon as you had a moment alone he would squeeze you tight like he never wanted to let go. It was such a powerful hug, that it almost hurt to let go. You had loved those hugs. 

Now there were no hugs, no stolen moments. Now he watched you freeze hogging all his warmth for himself. 

Could it be… that he gives his warmth to somebody else? No- you can’t think like that, Bakugo’s not a heartless cheater. He’s not you after all.

But was it cheating? Was it wrong? When Bakugo destroys everything you has created, how can you not learn to lean on the eyes that watch over you?

A soft groan snatched your attention. You looked over to the blonde boy, and he seemed to be stirring in his sleep. You quickly relaxed your body and shut your eyes.

He peered through his eyelids and reached out, running his fingers up your hip and the side of her torso and back down following the natural bend. 

“Babe, I’ve got to go,” he voice was so smooth, he was so close to having complete control over you, and he would never know. 

You hummed in response and stretched reaching your arms up. “Do you have to?” It came out as a whisper, and it was so soft that Bakguo’s heart fluttered hearing it.

“It’s past curfew,” He responded, getting out of bed and grabbing his school bag and jacket, which had been tossed on the floor when they were prepping for the movie.  

It’s now or never, girl! You’ll never get this chance again! 

“Katsuki?” You called out, almost regretting it when you locked eyes with him.

“Hm? What?” 

“I uhhhh,” Don’t lose your nerve, “I want to go on a date tomorrow!” 

“Sure,” He offered, has he always been so casual?

“Really?” It was hard to hide the surprise and disbelief in your voice, but your not entirely sure what you were expecting. 

“Yeah, of course. Why not?” He threw back, as he walked to the door. “Where do you want me to take you?”

“Somewhere sweet. I’d like to be able to hold your hand, so we could take the train across the region?”

“Anything for you. Goodnight babe, be ready by 6 tomorrow, I’ll see you then,”

“I’ll see you then,” 

Once he had shut the door, you started squealing in delight. You ran through outfits in your head, and a bright smile never left your face. You can’t remember exactly how long it had been since he had been taken out on a date, but it had been way too long.

Rejecting the offers that other boys had given you wasn’t something you had anticipated- you’d never thought that highly about yourself.

However, you grew to realize that class 1A truly did care about you, or at least they acted like it. It was strange to think people seek out your company, but the knocks on your door became a constant in your life, you became used to people coming to talk to you late into the night. 

You had grown accustomed to knocks on your door, but recently you haven’t been answering them. You’re not doing it consciously, but your late-night-chats with Tokoyami have taken you outside far more often, and you can’t hear the door from there. 

With the memories of the night before still present in your mind, you went and stood outside. You were out there for five minutes, and you grabbed a hold of yourself once again. You hadn’t felt cold outside for a long time- Tokoyami always kept you warm. 

Is he not coming? Did I ruin my chance to be near him? Can I even blame him for not wanting to be with me?

Though it might be harsh- as all things were when you were talking about yourself- you looked out to the stars, and you couldn’t pinpoint when things became so messed up; it was so sudden, or maybe it was just like that the whole time. 

But one thing was different, Fumikage was different. He was always there for you, he would listen to you- keep you warm. He was so different than what you was used to, and you would be lying if she said that she didn’t love it. 

He was so warm and so present. It never felt like he was shying away from you without reason, and you learned to bask in the light he shined on you, but there are two sides to every coin, and this was no exception. You could never get too used to him, because at the end of every day, you are with Bakugo, and the cycle continued. 

You rested your head on your palm and sighed. Why couldn’t something go right? And just when all apparent hope was lost-

“You know if I’m going to have to stop spending time with you at night, you’re going to have to invest in a sweatshirt,”

And you couldn’t bring yourself not to smile. And Fumikage couldn’t bring himself to look at you. 

“If you could have anything,” you whispered, “If the world was your oyster and you could do anything,” tears started to fill her eyes, “what would you do?”

He paused- the thought had never crossed Tokoyami’s mind. Why was she so strict in how she used her abilities?

“If every time you had said out loud ‘I wish-’ and whatever followed came true, how different would your life be?”

You had never been so serious with your words- and it caught him far off guard. Millions of thoughts ran through his head, and he couldn’t bring himself to say any of them.

“What is it that you wish, princess?” He finally approached you, grabbing your elbows and looking deep into your eyes.

“I can’t say it,”

“Why not?”

“Because,” your heart broke just a little more, “If I say it out loud, and it’s not already true- than I will have ruined one of the most important moments of my life,”

He paused and bit his tongue, “I hope my love is what you wish; because, you possess it completely,”

“I’m dating Bakugo,” you whispered soft enough that he almost didn’t hear it.

“And yet you love me,”

“Who could love a cheater?”

“We haven’t even performed the most innocent act of romance, how could you have been unfaithful?”

“Cheating with the heart will always hurt more than cheating with the body- I've betrayed more than our relationship I took advantage of his trust.”

“Than break up with him, so I won’t make a cheater out of you,”

“You say that like it’s easy,” and to him, it was the easiest thing- he loved you.

“It will be,”

“He loves me,”

“Then where is he?” Yes, it was a low-blow, and Tokoyami knew it. You had told him on many occasions that you wished her boyfriend would stand outside with her in the cold, but Bakugo thought it was stupid and a waste of time. He used to, he’d even met you on one of your sky-watching sessions. It hurt to think that he would use their past conversations against you, but where was he wrong?

“He’s probably asleep,”

“Then you should sleep, so that you may do one last thing as a couple before he loses the title,” The woman he was completely in love with just told him he has a chance, and he will never forgive himself if he ruins this.

“That’s harsh,”

“If love be harsh with you, be harsh with love,”

“Did you just misquote Shakespeare at me?” You couldn’t stifle the small laugh that escaped your lips. Fumikage always had a way to make you smile at the most peculiar of times, and trust him to throw the charged tension for a loop.

“Perhaps I did,” He teased you lightly, and shook his head. 

“If I broke up with him, if tomorrow night I was out here by myself, and every other night from now to eternity, would you keep your warmth for yourself? Would you get sick of me? I’m so fucked up, I don’t even know what a secure attachment style is. How long am I going to hurt like this?”

Tears had regathered in your eyes, and your lips had fallen to quiver. Your body shook, and it would never be known if it was from the cold in the air or the cold in your heart.

“Quote the raven,”

“Hah,” you wiped your tears with the palms of your hands, “You read poetry?”

“Only the good kind,” he thought back, and he knew their first encounter like the back of his hand. Had your lips been as prominent back then as they did now? Were you crying then too?

Your eyes flickered between his crimson eyes, as you searched for a sign, anything that told you that he wanted this too. He stepped closer, and his breath hitched. Was this finally happening?

They were an inch away from each other, and you drew your lip between your teeth, as Fumikage put his forehead on yours.

He murmured your name.

You hummed in acknowledgment, and you locked eyes.

“I love you,” he took a breath in before lacing his fingers into your hair, and he pulled you a little closer, and you kissed. Your shared heat shielded you from the painful cold that was biting at your skin. Time seemed to stop as you basked in each other’s warmth.

Even as his eyes were closed, your crimson lighthouse had finally done their job, you were home. You were hidden by the dark as night cloaked the world. And, in your own little bubble, you missed your ringing phone. And, in their own little bubble, you never heard the storm knocking on your door. 

And so, as the clouds give way and the thunder travels further and further away, the ship had managed its way to the lighthouse. And the princess had been freed from her tower while the prince laid in bed, broken and alone. And the pretty little dove was saved by a raven, and together they spread their wings and flew away.

And, with all things considered, can you really blame a person for getting involved, if it was love? Even if they knew someone could get hurt? Even if the dove is already in a cage, is it really so wrong to want to fly alongside her?

You held Tokoyami close that night, and you stayed together until early morning. Until the birds began to chirp and the owls had fallen asleep, and you finally realized that being in a relationship doesn’t have to hurt to be real.

-------------

I hope you all enjoyed this three-part series! It took a while to finish, but I am overjoyed with the support you all have shown it! 

A Cold Winter Night (Tokoyami x Reader)

Pairing: F. Tokoyami

Warnings: Pinning ig, just cute fluff really Words:620 Requested By: @crushonkatsuki and @feelinpeachyken Request:  

Hello, dunno if you are taking requests or not. but, if you are, may i have a random soft Tokoyami (x reader). I mean, I read doesnt hurt pt. 1-3 and I'm feeling soft. thanks!

Could we get another part of the "Doesn't Hurt" series? I need more of MC and Tokoyami living happily ever after!

Thanks for the request! I will always be down to write fluff, but I can’t help but throw a little pain in there special just for you <3 I’m glad you liked Doesn’t Hurt! It means a lot, and I really appreciate the interaction xoxo

       “I think you’re being a little over-dramatic,” Y/n rolled her eyes, and a soft smile grew on her face. Looking into her boyfriends dorm room, a stack of twenty-three blankets piled on his bed caught her eye.

“Is wanting to avoid frostbite overdramatic to you?” Tokoyami had questioned, happily re-arranging his bed into a nest-like appearance big enough for both of them.

“Depends,” she hopped onto the bed, bouncing up and down before her weight was supported by the cheap school-mandated bed frame, “are you outside? How cold is it? And are you in the arctic; because, otherwise I think you’re being a little itty bitty bit overzealous?”

Fumikage made a small noise of displeasure at her shifting the bed arrangement, and he went back to fixing the covers as he said, “You’re just lucky I love you enough to rescue you from that frozen balcony of yours,” 

“Jokes on you, I like freezing on my balcony,” She winked at him, a sense of validation falling on her once her boyfriend snorted at her snarky remarks. 

“You’re ridiculous, y’know that, right?”

“Oh, of course, it takes a lot of work to be this perfect,” she moved over so Fumikage would have enough room to sit beside her, back cushioned by a wall of pillows.

“It works for you,” he smiled, pulling his laptop onto his lap- tilting it so there would be no glare from Y/n’s angle. 

“What does?” She asked, shifting closer to his body heat.

“Perfection,”

A small blush and quaint smile pulled on her lips as she softly placed her head on his shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut. “You’re such a dork, just start the movie,”

—————————————

As the night went on, Fumikage found Y/n nestled happily in the warmth of his make-shift nest of blankets and pillows.

The soft glow of his laptop screen illuminated her face- he couldn’t help but wonder how he got so lucky. She truly is the epitome of perfection; Y/n is beautiful on the outside, but it was the golden glow of her heart that drew him in.

Her kind smile, the gentle touch of her hand when she comforted him, her never ending support on all his ventures; how she came to settle for him was beyond what Tokoyami could comprehend. Whatever deity was out there definitely did him a favor.

His feathers ruffled up as she nestled her face into the crook of his neck, it tickled but Y/n was the cutest person to ever exist. He gave her a soft peck on the forehead and rested his chin on the top of her head. 

Y/n smiled so softly it would be impossible to see unless it was actively searched for. It was clear to everyone that they were to impossibly in love with each other, they were twin flames- made for each other in every possible way. Like two pieces of a puzzle their hands were molded for each other, and every night Y/n’s soulmate went to sleep wishing he was the one sleeping next to her.

Every night, just a wall away, he fell asleep hearing them speak so softly to each other, just imagining she was with him instead of Tokoyami. Every night he lays wondering where he went wrong, why she never even looked his way. Shoto thought he would never fall in love, but, as soon as he did, he realized he was too late.

She was a beautiful angel who would never be with him, and the worst thing was that he was happy for her. At least he knew she would fall asleep with a smile on her face every night- it just hurt that it wasn’t him that put it there. 

What It Means To Be Dead (Tokoyami x Reader)

Fandom: Bnha Warnings: Mentions of Dying, depression, bullying, abuse, and strong language Words: 2k259 Requested By: Anon <3 Request:  Hi I love your writing! Can I request one where Tokoyami )or anyone you'd like really,) finds a collection of old-ish diaries and letters while cleaning? The person's handwriting is very distinct and pretty (Think 1700's love letter find) but they never mention their name. As they read more of it they find newer entries where Aizawa is mentioned so they ask him about it only to find out the person who wrote them died almost 100 years ago and 'haunts' the school. (Sorry for long request) A/N: I deviated a little from the request, but I hope you like it!

            The night had already came and claimed the land of UA for itself. Shadows overtook the courtyards, and darkness fell across the classrooms, but not everyone had retreated to the safety of their comforters which shielded them from the secrets which the black abyss held so dear. 

After a draining day of learning and training, Tokoyami wanted nothing more than to go to sleep- sadly, it was his turn to clean the classroom. It was annoying and boring and he’d give anything to be able to go to sleep, but fair is fair and he wasn’t the tyrannical type.

And so, he washed the windows and wiped down the desks. He swept the floors and organized the textbooks, and he turned to put the broom back into the small closet in the corner of the classroom. With a heavy sigh, Fumikage realized he should probably tidy up the dirty, dust-filled, death trap that was called a broom closet. 

Narrowing his eyes at the cobwebs, he started to knock them down with the end of the broomstick (Seriously praying to whatever god there is that no spider fell onto his feathers). The room was in worse condition on closer inspection, it looked like not a soul had thought to clean it since the school was built. 

After taking the time to sweep the floors, wipe down the door and the counters, and organize the books, Tokoyami was beyond tired and ready to fall asleep in the still-somehow-dirty closet. No matter how many times he swung at the cobwebs, how many times he picked up the coats and books and papers on the floor, despite the effort he put into tidying up the smallish space, it still seemed to have a weird layer of age coating itself entirely.

The closet felt preserved in time, like the oldness it felt was not just in the items littered about, but in the very walls itself. The things it’s seen, the memories it held, something about the space simply felt... wrong. 

He turned to a corner he hadn’t worked on, inwardly groaning at the amount of work he still had to do despite the time of night. With a huff, he began to organize the textbooks and pages of work sprawled around the space. 

His hands fell upon and old leather book- very different in both appearance and age when compared to the marble notebooks that surrounded it. Leaning over, he saw ten to fifteen more of there journal like collections shoved deep into the corner of the room. 

Tentatively, he peeled open the first book. Looking at the pages, it looked to be the diary of a girl- the beautiful handwriting looked like it belonged to someone who saw the beauty that exists within the written language, someone who stops to smell the flowers, a person who looks at sunsets and bakes goods to say they love you. 

The ink that bled onto the early pages spoke of a student, a girl who wanted to be so much more, someone who wanted to save the world. He became enthralled by the speech patterns, the phrases and swirls of the letters drew him closer, enchanting his eyes to never leave the pages.

------ 

Soon the pages became all he could think about, even after he had to abandon the closet to race to bed. During class all he could think of was the feeling of the crisp paper under his touch. The voices of his friends seemed ugly, seemed to be missing the douse of honesty and beauty he had been exposed to, even when he was practicing all he could focus on was the experiences of the girl who wrote down all her inner thoughts. 

It was like she haunted him, appearing everywhere he went. Like she poisoned him, infecting his thoughts and feelings. She became everything to him so soon, every word had him on edge, every sentence a beautiful stream of imagery that he would give nothing but to experiencing along side her, what he wouldn’t give to see the world through her eyes of love.

As the day ended, he had quiet easily convinced Sero that he should take over his night of cleaning. Sure the actual work was quiet annoying, but he would be rewarded with her sweet words, he had left the book in the corner in his rush to get back to his dorm; he regretted his oversight the moment he laid down.

“Tokoyami, wasn’t your cleaning duty last night?” Aizawa asked, his eyes lazy looking up from the papers he was grading to make contact with Fumikage’s red ones. 

“Yes sir, it was. I volunteered to take over tonight as well,” 

“Mhm, and is there a reason for this?” He raised his eyebrow, dragging his briefcase off the table with him. 

“Cleaning helps me think,” this wasn’t a total lie, reading the journal will calm his raging thoughts of the mystery girl. 

“Just don’t make a habit of it,” his teacher echoed, not having enough energy to further investigate a seemingly innocent interaction.

Tokoyami was much faster with cleaning that day, and he was even faster to sprint inside the broom closet. He grabbed the leather books and raced back to his room, already feeling the warmth her voice provided. 

------------------------------

The passages started off innocent enough, complaints about school, fantasizing about a better life, just a teen writing down their emotions. It then morphed into the beauty in everything, words that didn’t release Fumikage’s eyes until they were tearing up from dryness. 

Then, things took a darker turn. Dark thoughts disguised in poems, things others have said to her, representation of her pain in drawings scattered throughout the book. The beautiful world- though still majestic in its own way- turned dark and twisted.

It was painful to read, and yet he couldn’t look away. It was like the book became a part of him- no. It was like he became a part of the book, nothing more than the cracked parchment and spilled ink. It was dehumanizing, but he wouldn’t change his position for anything in the world.

His bed was taken over by the old pages, dating back over two hundred years ago. The writer was in the post-quirk awakening. The world had just discovered the glowing child right before she was born. She was one of the first quirk holders in the world- one of the first one hundred Japanese citizens to have a quirk.

The journals started when she was ten- though that book was the fifth one he read. After that discovery, he categorized them in chronological order to read along with the flow of time. She wrote of the manifestation of her quirk- her parents had been struck with terror when their daughter walked through the wall of their living room to get into her bedroom. 

That was the first moment she realized how different she is. Her life never seemed to go back to the way it was before, not even after the initial shock of what she could do faded from her parents; because, there would always be a new shock, a new ability, and no one was prepared to help her.

He realized, reading more about how the quirkless treated her, that her life would have been much different is she had lived in his time. Hearing the slurs and bullying they  put her through, he wishes she could see how much the world has changed- would she be happy or sad that her bully's became the minority and were mocked in their normal-ness or if she would be ashamed of the people like her.

He was very satisfied that the people who made her life so awful were getting a taste of their own medicine, but he did wonder if that made him a bad person. Tokoyami figures that it really didn’t matter, she was gone so her opinion would never be known. 

--------------------

“Death didn’t feel like I thought it would. Surprisingly, it was reminiscent of when I use my quirk to posses things or people. My body was there, on the floor, but I was floating above it. Much like I am when I leave my body before finding my target. The cold was instantly recognizable- like an abyss with no end.

The only difference I’ve noticed so far is the lack of body to return to, though I can enter it, it acts as an object. While I cannot move it, I can see out of it. It’s therapeutic in a way. Really, this must have been the best case scenario- I could see how everyone reacts, see who really cares about me.

It was hard at first, seeing all theses people, who I believed were simply pretending to care, braking down behind closed doors. It was only my sister- whom held no quirk- that cared. She did everything she could to make my funeral how I wanted it, and she preserved my bedroom the way I liked it. That was a nice gesture, it truly was. 

Now my life has come to an end- my body buried under ground, never to be seen again- I can’t help but wonder what comes next. How long will I be held in this mortal world? Will others be like me, or will I be forced to live alone in the agonizing realization that comes with immortality? I guess I’ll simply have to wait and see,”

-----------------------

He had fallen asleep after reading the last passage in the ninth book- where she described how she stayed a student at UA even after death. The names she referenced had been lost in time- Pro-heroes that have long been dead and are now another name on the Hero Memorial wall. 

She had possessed her home room teacher and walked to the headmaster- there she said what had happened. Her headmaster agreed to keep her on as a student, but only under the condition that she wouldn’t unnecessarily possess an unknowing student. It was fair- annoying but fair. They gave her her old desk and she worked along side everyone. When he woke up, the book had moved on its own. 

There was a page opened- an elegant scipt sprawllled at the top but had been smuged since it was written- the only elligable part following what could be assumed to be a name: Phatom-- The Ghost Hero. The script was familiar, but it wasn’t the handwriting the rest of the journal was written in. Beneath it was a drawing of a girl- a girl more beautiful than anyone Fumikage had ever seen. It was a realistic depiction and it looked modern- it was only with that realization which led Tokoyomi to realize this journal wasn’t one he had seen before. Flipping through it, he hadn’t even noticed its sudden appearance. It was the newest one of them all- spanning for the last decade.  He leaned back in his bed and began,

So I guess it’s been a while huh? Here are some general updates: Shouta from class 2-A is an idiot but I guess he’s kinda cute. We picked out hero names today, I wanted to just keep my name but he dubbed me Phantom.. I called him Eraserhead in return. I hope it sticks. 

I’ve graduated from UA more than six times now- but I kinda like it. I do some professional hero work- especially info recall- but I’m worried about how the public will react to a ghost. It would definitely fuck with some peoples religious views. 

It’s better this way. I’ve also decided to distance myself from Shinso- she and I got along great, but her twin brother has been acting weirdly around me for a while. His quirk is amazing, but I’ve seen plenty of unstable students pass through these halls and I know enough to keep my distance. Shouta doesn’t seem to agree- neither does Hizashi. I guess only time will tell.

As for manifesting my physical form- it’s a lot harder than I had hoped. I can become visual for three active minutes or ten minutes with no moving. I’m still not touchable, but I hope that will change with time. That’s all for now- I’ll try to check in soon.

He shook his head- surely those names must be common, but she was in UA and only so many coincidences can happen at one time. He wonders how she was now. Mostly, he wonders if she’s still at UA. They hadn’t announced her as a student, so was she a pro hero now? 

Was it weird to still be in the body of a sixteen year old? There were so many issues with immortality- he wondered how she coped with it. These questions abused him throughout the morning. He thought of how lonely she must be, how it must be so awful to be all by herself.

He wondered why he cared so much- why had he developed such a strong scene of attachement to this girl? The fuzzy feeling in his chest when he saw the drawing of the girl had taken up his entire mind- he needed to know more.

As soon as he entered his familiar class room he marched straight up to his teachers desk with passion in his eyes- “Professor, can we talk after class? I have some questions I’d like to ask you,”

Aizawa glarred at the corner of the room, an annoyed frown tugging at his lips. This was gonna be a long day.

-------------------

A/N 

Sorry for dropping off the planet everyone! This has been in the drafts for a  long time and finally gets to see the light of day. I’ve had some mental health issues (not related to this story don’t worry) and am working on myself. I fully intend to finish the Christmas countdown I committed to and this account is still active, but this will remain on the back burner until I am well on my way to recovery. Requests will remain open for the time being and I will continue to make progress. Thank you for the lovely anon’s in my inbox with constant support and requests, I appreciate all of you. Thank you all and I hope you enjoyed this work <3

Fumikage Tokoyami

He was never one to like cute things, As a child, he liked bugs, ravens, haunted houses. As he got older, his wardrobe changed. He started wearing clothes that reflected his personality- dark and creepy. And then, his quirk awakened. It made sense. He liked dark shadow. It was someone to talk with, at the very least. Dark Shadow was the only one who would understand him. Or, so he thought.

she was the exact opposite of him. At the entrance exam, he found this quirky girl in front of him.

He found himself calling her his friend.

he desperately protected her at USJ after she were caught off guard and was knocked down.

Years later, he started an agency with her. he saw her everyday, protecting her from Pervs, and from villains all the same.

When he finally got the courage to ask her, she agreed instantly.

He fumbled on their first date but, she just giggled and pressed a peck to his cheek, leaving him gaping.

He admires his ring everyday, thinking of these beautiful memories.

Oh my gosh!! been a hot moment!! I spun my random wheel of randomness, (I got Tokoyami and My Choice) and here we are! this is my first time with this type of thing, so I hope it doesn't flop!!