Natasha Romanoff Fanfic - Tumblr Posts

Illicit Affairs (Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader)

A/N: A new series! I hope this is good enough because I’m still having ideas and it’s quite angsty… somehow. But, either way, I think I’ll enjoy writing this. And there will be a lot of parts, it depends though tbh LMAO but I hope you enjoy it otherwise. <3

Summary: You and she both agreed that it was just a whole “Friends with Benefits” some type of thing until you fall for her. You fall so deep that it hurts you seeing her being in love with someone else. 

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst; Heavy Smut; Cursing; basically it’s (18+)

Spotify Playlist for this series

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

So on….

romantic lover

PAIRING—natasha romanoff x gf!fem!reader

SUMMARY—Natasha's many ways to say I love you, without actually having to say it to you

WARNINGS—pure fluff, established relationship, Natasha's a romantic, GAYYYY, Natasha's a lesbian, allusions to sex?

A/N—The writing probably sucks but I loved the concept so much I just had to write it, ALSO MY FIRST NAT FIC 😍

Natasha could say I love you in many different ways, in many different languages even but she says I love you the most when she doesn't actually say it.

She says I love you through her actions, through the little things and you don't care because for you—it's the little things that matter the most.

Natasha doesn't have a problem saying she loves you, the relationship has gone on long enough that she's comfortable in saying what she truly feels but you can't help but be touched because you can clearly feel her genuine love for you even without having to say it.

You couldn't help but love Natasha Romanoff more with her four special ways of secretly saying " I love you ".

KISSES

Natasha kissed you in a lot of ways, from small pecks or needy kisses that lead to a very hot make out session.

She had a way of kissing you that clearly meant I love you, she'd start with a one minute kiss with her soft lips to yours, then a brief kiss to your nose accompanied by an eskimo kiss, and lastly a gentle peck to your forehead while her gentle hand cupped the side of your face. She'd do this the most often, especially when leaving for yet another mission.

You love Natasha endlessly and even more because she never gets tired of showing immense affection for every part of you. She'd kiss your hands in the gentlest manner, from a peck to your palms to a peck on your knuckles as she keeps her eyes on your reddening cheeks.

She'd also never get tired of making you as red as her enemy's blood.

The most favored kiss by you, is the long lasting type, the one's she'd give that are so needy and full of passion. The kiss that makes you out of breath as you pull away because it feels overwhelming, that's the kiss that makes you feel all the feelings Natasha buries, the kiss that shows her vulnerability. She'd never be afraid to show you her vulnerability, her utmost sincere love for you because she'd never want to make you think that she doesn't love you enough.

ACTS OF SERVICE

She'd never get sick of doing things for you, for the sole reason that everything she does is for you because all Natasha would want is for you to be happy.

Natasha tries to make it subtle and not noticeable but having a spy as a girlfriend makes you learn a thing or two. You'd never point it out, slightly afraid she'd stop doing these little things for you if you said anything about it. Not just because your girlfriend's a trained spy but it's because you notice everything about Natasha, you watch her like she hung the moon and all of the stars. In your  point of view, Natasha's the world and that just means you watch her and everything she does because for you—everything she does is simply extraordinary. 

When she eats, she always gives you the first piece because you deserve to have everything, even the first chip from the bag. She also does the opposite and save you the last piece of everything, like the last slice of pizza or the last slice of cake.  

She also doesn't hesitate to let you take her heart piece by piece. As the time goes, you've taken almost every part of Natasha. You've also taken full ownership of her heart as you chipped piece by piece through the years as well as taking down the walls that she built.

Natasha will always be yours as you are hers, you'd always own her while heart because she knows you'll never break it, not intentionally anyways.

MORNING COFFEE

Simple things like coffee made you have another special thing with your girlfriend.

Every morning would never be boring as you wake up to the most breathtaking view. The view of Natasha's face laid against a soft pillow as her wavy red hair contrasts against the sun looking like it's in flames. Your morning view couldn't get any better as you admire Natasha's sleeping form, her naked back peppered with kisses that lead her to wake up with a small nose crunch and a wide smile. 

Every morning the two of you would have the routine of making coffee together and drinking the hot beverage while conversing about anything possible. You enjoyed sitting down as the sun shined peeking against the blinds and as you drank your coffee while talking to your lover.

You'd never get sick of Natasha's coffee, she made coffee as you simply get the matching dark red mugs and wait for the coffee in her embrace. She likes making coffee, only if its for herself or for you because it didn't feel like a chore or a duty but a habit she liked. 

You can see the spark in her eyes as you both take the first sips of coffee with eyes locked. 

HUGS 

Every touch Natasha gives, gives you life. She's not much for hugs but she'd never ever pass the opportunity to give you one or to pass a hug given by you.

The first few hugs you've shared were brief and short but you knew she loved them anyways as you feel here tightening her embrace every time you give her a hug.

Your hugs were a source of energy for Natasha, a day without your hug felt like hell. The hugs you gave were a necessity for her, a hug that she needs to feel, a hug that feels like home.

All the hugs she shares with you are the longest, and if she could she'd make the hugs last a lifetime, because that's what she'd want a lifetime of hugs—with you.

headcanons of nursing Natasha who has flu

natasha romanoff x gf!reader

headcanons of taking care of a hard headed sick Natasha

Natasha would deny it but you would know right away that she was sick because she felt too warm in your embrace as you woke up next to her that day.

Miraculously you didn't get infected and immediately put Natasha, your stubborn girlfriend into bed rest.

You would need to blackmail her into staying in bed.

" Stay in your bed or no sex for a month! " you warned as she tried to persuade you that she's okay and that it was just a slight fever

" ... fine, i hate you "

" you'll thank me when you get countless sick free orgasms once you're okay "

" fine you win " Natasha grumbled as she groaned trying to find a comfortable position as her head ache worsened.

You quickly gathered the things you would need to nurse Natasha back to her old healthy self.

Natasha's a very stubborn person, even to her girlfriend she would insist she's fine so going to the med bay and getting checked by Dr. Cho was definitely crossed off the list.

As Natasha falls sick, you've made everyone aware that nobody should visit her as she's more grumpy when sick and that a risk of infection can't happen within the Avengers.

You've made sure nobody went on and disturbed the floor you and Natasha's shared room was in since your only floor mate was Wanda but she's on another honeymoon with Vision.

You first checked Nat's temperature using a thermometer even if she cutely advices that you check her temperature using your lips though she was only joking as she wouldn't want you to get infected.

Natasha would grumply refuse to eat as she preferred to just sleep and waking her up for food was something she found not necessary.

" eat the soup, baby "

" no, I'm fi— "

" eat the damn soup, Natalia! "

" yes, maam " she said as she quickly grabbed the hot bowl of chicken soup

" careful!! "

You patiently wipe away her body with luke warm water to try and cool down her fever and to make her more comfortable as she sleeps the day away.

You couldn't help but coo at the image of the badass spy, ex–assassin who's now sleeping soundly as a cold towel cooled her forehead as she cuddled the teddy bear you gave her a year ago proxy for you, her girlfriend who she didn't wanna risk getting infected.

Of course Natasha wouldn't call Fury so you took it upon yourself to find his personal number that he let's Natasha use.

You immediately tell the man with one eye to not give his best agent a mission for atleast three weeks so that you'd know Natasha would heal properly because you know your girlfriend's a stubborn woman who couldn't be away from her job for more than a month.

Natasha would say she didn't like the sandwiches and that she's fine but in fact she'd only ever eat sandwiches that are made by you or by Steve, anyone else she doesn't trust with the food she'll intake unless of course it's take out.

" I'm gonna eat it but I'm not gonna be happy about it >:( "

" don't pretend like my egg sandwiches aren't your favourite, babe ;) "

" hmmp >:/ " she chomps on the delicious egg sandwich made by you with love while pouting cutely

Once you made sure her fever went down enough that you wouldn't be infected if you cuddled her, you laid down on the bed you two shared and caressed her hair as you give her a peck on her forehead for her to fall asleep peacefully.

Natasha can't fall asleep properly unless she's in your embrace, sick or not she'd need you to be beside her at night.

“ Baby, it's 3:00 am ”

PAIRING—natasha romanoff x fem!reader

SUMMARY—A night out with Natasha will never not be a thing you need

WARNINGS—established relationship, pure fluff, non-sexual nudity (skinny-dipping), avenger!reader w/ powers connected to light, Natasha being absolutely in love

A/N—I'm just so gay for Natalia Alianovna Romanova

" really? what are you Rogers 2.0? " Natasha teased seeing you assault the punching bag, throwing continued punches with no plan on stopping.

" it's efficient in getting my feelings out, Natty " You answered back, not stopping your punches even as you feel the numbness of your knuckles and the ache on your legs as you've been at the gym for approximately two hours now.

" I wake up expecting to find you beside me, detka " responded Natasha, tilting her at your obviously stressed form.

" I'm fine " 

" you're not fine " 

" ... I—I'm not fine " you replied defeatedly, not continuing to your punch as you lean against the punching bag, knowing your girlfriend knew you all too well. Feeling tired and sweaty, you drop down on the gym floor, calming down your breathing as you feel the need for a cold beverage. 

Natasha, in the perfect moment really did know you all too well, that you'd need a cold drink to soothe your thirst. She knew your habit, similar to the blonde supersoldier who used working out as an outlet for stress. She smiles as she sees your wide grin, feeling the cold can of cola she placed on your neck.

You smile at each other as her long wavy red hair slightly tickles your face, she looks down from her position, your face covered in sweat yet still finding you absolutely ethereal. You gaze into her beautiful green eyes from above, finding the view of her outlined by the single lamp lit on truly breathtaking. She could take your breath away more than a hundred push ups could ever. 

Natasha and you drank the cold cans of cola while walking along the dark paths of the compound, after you took a quick shower. Accompanied by the little fireworks from your bare hands that serve as light. Even after three years of working with you and two years of being your lover, everything you did will always be fascinating to her. 

You were everything to Natasha, her pillar, her compass that she'd get lost without, and even the freaking sun. The brightest ball of gas could never compare to the brightness you've given in her life, literally and figuratively.

You will always be extraordinarily beautiful in her eyes. You will always be her Солнце (sun).

Natasha stops abruptly making you halt as well, with a wide smile she uses her hands to mimic starting the engines of a motorcycle and lightly saying " chu chu ". You chuckle with how much your girlfriend knows you and laughing lightly at the mischievous grin she had. You knew her just as well as she knew you.

The low whispers of voices can be heard inside the garage as the red head borrows the super soldier's bike.

" Roger's is gonna be so mad at us, this is practically his baby "

" He'll sulk, but he'll be fine " 

" yeahhh, you're the one dealing with his grumpy ass—not me "

" we're just borrowing it, detka "

" tell that to the old man, Natty "

The cold windy air engulfed your body as the two of you rode off to nowhere in particular at 12 AM. You put your hands above as you feel the cold air, a stream of light is produced as you use your powers. A long line of light with little sparkles like glitter but better. Natasha's view from the rear mirror was something straight up from a fairytale, like a dream she'd have when she was a kid.

She could see the light even in your eyes through your open helmet. She hopes she'll never see the sparks in your eyes go out.

She enjoys the calmness of the moment. It felt like it was only you and her right at the very second and she loved that. She wouldn't complain about everyone disappearing if you were with her. Maybe she'd miss Clint but she'd still love being with you without anybody else.

She only ever feels selfish with you, she can't help but not want to share you with the world because your the only person she truly has other than the family you two gained with the Avengers.

Natasha loved everything about you, your looks, your personality, your soft pink lips that felt like the apocalypse when it met hers. She loves every part of you, even the ones you said you hated but nothing about you would she ever hate.

How could she ever hate such a beautiful woman such as yourself? and when you don't feel like loving yourself, she'll love you enough for the both of you.

" what do you think? strawberry or oreo flavored ice cream? baby? " you asked, glancing away from the cold treats to not see your girlfriend on the same aisle as you were.

" get them both, oh! get the strawberry with vanilla one instead of pure strawberry " Nat replies while approaching you with a basket filled with candies and chocolates.

" babyyy, you're gonna make me fatter " you sulk playfully as you get both the oreo and strawberry mixed with vanilla tubs of ice cream

" you'd make a good pillow, my love " she says softly as she kisses your cheek, pulling back with a smile as she slaps your ass

" Natasha! " " I love you "

" you can't just say that every time you slap my poor butt ... i love you too " you say grumpily with a playful tone as you peck her lips while still glaring at her green eyes that contained nothing other than pure adoration for you.

" come on detka, let's pay for these " 

" you go first, I'll grab some drinks for us " you say with a quick peck on her cheek as you push her forward 

" Detka, you know coke is not good for you especially since you're acidic which is stupid, seriously? you're an avenger and your weakness is soda and coffee?? " she sternly says ignoring the cute puppy dog eyes you were pulling as you held a set of six cola cans

" that's not gonna work "

" please, Natty? just this once? "

" I already gave you one a while ago "

" that was one and a half hours ago! " you reply with a grumpy face that Natasha finds cute, she sighs knowing she can't ever say no to you.

" fine " she responds defeated by not being able to refuse you as she pulls more money from her wallet and hands it to the elderly woman who's behind the cashier who hides her laugh seeing the cute couple banter.

" I love you, my baby " you say with extra sweetness as you kiss her lips quickly while putting the drinks on the counter

" isn't my girlfriend just the best? " you said gleefully to the elder woman who smiled as she took the beverages you craved, you're never afraid to ever show off your girlfriend to anyone. 

" you're lucky you're cute " Natasha says with a mischievous smile as she takes both your cheeks and lightly pulls them as you groan in annoyance but secretly loving it whenever she squeezes your chubby cheeks.

The elderly woman just smiles widely at the two as she scans the items Natasha paid for.

The couple exit the convenience store but not before saying their farewell to the nice elderly woman who gave them matching ring pops for free. Natasha remembered the beach that was only a couple miles away as the both of you secured your helmets. 

" why not have a picnic at the beach, love? " you ask as you encircle your arms around her torso as she suggested the beach that's only a couple miles from where the two of you were, you relax with the feeling of the air hitting your face as Natasha drives.

Gummy worms and candies were everywhere, from the large jacket you owned that served as an improvised picnic mat to the sand. You laughed as Natasha hit you with another m&m while teasingly saying you were supposed to catch it, fighting back as you hit her right in the face with a long gummy worm.

You smile through the kiss she was giving as you taste the sugar and sourness of the candies you two consumed. Natasha quickly opened the tubs of ice cream for the two of you to eat before it melted. She bought plastic spoons before she went to the cashier 

The peaceful scenery of the ocean waves reflecting the moon and the redhead that rested against your stomach as you supported your upper half using your felt so peaceful, so utterly peaceful and nothing could ever compare to the calmness you were feeling at the very moment. You grinned as you took another spoon of the cold dessert, almost empty as you ate it quickly. 

Natasha silently sucks on one of the ring pops, cherry flavored lollipop that makes her red lips redder and sweeter than it already is. Every lick, you kiss her lips as she smiles with content as the blues of the ring pop you had mixed with flavors of her making a flavorful lilac kiss.

" why — don't — we — take — a small — swim " she says in-between the pecks you gave on her sweet soft lips that tasted like paradise. 

" Baby, it's 3:00 AM " you reply laughing not believing Natasha's plan to go skinny dipping, you already knew she was planning on getting you naked soon enough. You knew her well enough to know she wouldn't just peacefully " swim " with you.

She just smiled as she stood up while unbuttoning the denim shorts she had on and pulling it down. The two discarded their clothes until they were only down to their underwear. You hugged her quickly as you felt the cold air hit your back. The warmth made you smile as the position was very intimate, her soft breasts against yours. 

You looked at her like she hung the moon and stars. The slow glowing of your hands, a proof of what you felt on the inside, mirrored by your abilities that made Natasha smile.

She sometimes had doubts but as she saw your genuine feelings through your transparent self, she could see clearly that you loved her just as much as she loved you. She does insist she loves you more every now and then in which you answer back with “ impossible “.

The two soon enough went to the ocean, staying just a few feet away from dry land, just enough that it felt like the two of you floated away with the waves.

The ocean served as an escape, a few minutes away from everything, saving lives, doing missions. This was just you and her, two lovers taking a swim with the warm ocean waves as the full moon shined brightly framing the two women who are absolutely enamoured with each other.

SO CUTEEE

Sun-kissed by an angel | n romanoff

summary: the perfect lazy morning in the Romanoff summer beach house

wc: 1.5k

notes: I know I’ve been MIA for a while, but I’m back with a short but soft and fluffy oneshot. I wish this was my life tbh, I feel like a beach holiday and a cozy morning with a hot girl would make my life so much better

-⧗-

The gentle tickle of the ocean breeze brushed across the sleeping woman’s exposed skin, stirring her from her heavy slumber with the promise of sun. It dappled through the open curtains of the balcony doors, but the light wasn’t harsh like it usually was. Many days had started just like this, crumpled sheets and exposed limbs being warmed by the dazzling sun. Y/n blinked to adjust to the brightness, stretching her limbs out across the expanse of soft white blankets, frowning as her palms landed upon nothing but fabric. The bed was larger, far bigger than any she’d slept in before, but it felt even bigger without her person by her side.

Waking up with the sea view directly in front of her was a dream but even the gentle rolling waves didn’t quite tug the smile back to her lips as she swung her legs out of bed and let her feet land upon the sanded hardwood floor. Without pulling on anything to cover her blue pyjama shorts set, she wandered down the hallway of the country style house, passing the photo covered walls and airy windows, until she reached the kitchen.

The radio on the windowsill crackled out nostalgic tunes and Y/n paused in the doorway, taking in the sight before her. The redheaded woman she adored with her whole heart was swaying softly to the music, the oversized white button down that adorned her body hanging loosely from her shoulders and stopping mid thigh. The large window above the sink was wide open, letting in a deliciousness to drift from the beach below and mix with the combination of freshly brewed coffee and the new bouquet sitting in prize position on the grand windowsill.

Natasha’s back was turned as she hummed to herself, allowing her wife a moment of admiration before she crossed the tiled floor and slipped her arms around the redhead’s waist. Natasha wasn’t startled, she was an ex spy after all, but her body immediately relaxed into the touch of her wife. They stayed embraced for a few moments, Natasha’s head tilting backwards to rest on Y/n’s shoulder behind her. She smiled lazily and brought her own hands up to grasp onto her lover’s, holding her tightly.

“Did you sleep well?” She muttered softly, goosebumps littering her skin as Y/n’s hands grazed her stomach.

Y/n hummed, turning her wife around so they were finally face to face. “I would have slept better if you didn’t leave before I woke up.” Her mouth pouted slightly but Natasha quickly kissed her lips, her remedy for unhappiness.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she apologised, “I just wanted to surprise you with breakfast.”

Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at the mention of food. Her wife was a lot of things, but a cook she was not. She followed Natasha’s gaze to a pan on the stove where a sorry looking egg was cooking - or at least trying to.

“Tasha, honey… you haven’t turned the stove on.”

Natasha went to protest but Y/n pressed the button and turned the dial, the pair of them watching as the oil in the pan began to sizzle. Y/n smiled, trying to hide her laughter but Natasha caught her and huffed, sliding away from the stove and dragging Y/n over to the other counter, trapping her body in between the granite countertop and her strong body.

“How long have you been trying to cook that egg?” Y/n asked with fake seriousness, one which Natasha saw straight through. She rolled her eyes and pressed her hips forward, grabbing her wife’s face in her scarred palms.

“You’re lucky that I love you and will put up with this teasing after everything I do for you,” she grumbled, even though she wasn’t at all offended. Her wife was the light of her life and a far better cook, despite Natasha’s best efforts. She gazed into her love’s eyes, watching them sparkle in the sunlight and she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. Natasha pressed their lips together in a loving but firm kiss, almost like she was trying to kiss the smirk off her wife’s face. Her hands cupped Y/n’s cheeks with such tenderness that the other woman melted slightly, her body falling forwards into the comfort of her wife.

“You’re too good at that, my love, but that egg will burn if we continue like this,” Y/n started, trying to push Natasha away, much to the redhead’s disdain. The promise of breakfast was far in the back of her mind and she ignored Y/n’s help of protest when she grabbed the backs of her thighs and lifted her up onto the counter, spreading her thighs to stand between them with a smirk.

“You were saying?”

Y/n shook her head, a playful smile dancing across her lips. Her wife really was unbelievable. “At least turn the stove off, Nat. We just had this kitchen redone.”

“It’s barely warmed up.”

“And I know you. You’ll forget all about it and then complain when it’s black.” Natasha opened her mouth. “Don’t protest, you know I’m right.”

The redhead rolled her eyes but stepped away for two seconds, keeping her eyes locked on her wife on the counter as she fiddled around for the knob, turning it with a click. She raised an eyebrow, almost asking ‘happy?’ and Y/n nodded whilst beckoning her back over.

“That wasn’t hard now, was it?”

Natasha stayed quiet. Her fingertips slowly danced up Y/n’s bare thighs, tracing invisible patterns on her freshly tanned skin until they reached the hem of her shorts. Natasha laid her palms flat, suddenly looking up at her wife again through her lashes, giving her a look that melted the world away.

“Stop…” yet she wasn’t at all convincing. Y/n’s own hands absentmindedly drifted to the open collar of Natasha’s shirt, her collarbones just showing under the soft linen. “I love this shirt on you, my god.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Y/n hummed softly. She followed her fingers with her eyes, connecting the freckles on her wife’s pale skin across her chest. Regardless of her hours spent in the sun, Natasha was never tanned, but it only made her look more ethereal in Y/n’s eyes. Like an angel with a glowing halo of hair about her head.

They didn’t need to talk, not in moments like this. Their eyes spoke a thousand words, and the soft call of seabirds in the distance reminded them both of the life they now lived, the craziness of the Avengers a thing of the past. A slow life was their new normal, and Natasha had moulded into her new role surprisingly well.

“Why don’t we go to the farmer’s market today?” Natasha suggested, her hands still resting on her wife’s thighs, her favourite place to be.

Y/n narrowed her eyes, seeing through that innocent facade. “You want me to make my salad don’t you?”

Natasha grinned, moving her hands up to Y/n’s waist, pulling her closer until her legs wrapped around Nat’s waist and they were as close as they could be. Natasha was an utter simp for her wife, and she wasn’t ashamed of that. Not at all. She would get it tattooed on her forehead if she could.

“I do, but I also want to see you in a pretty summer dress in our town today.” Another weakness, Natasha was feeling extra soft today, and Y/n would never complain. Natasha’s possessiveness came out extra strong when Y/n wore one of her favourite dresses. They always attracted extra attention and there was nothing more that the redhead loved more than to slide an arm around her waist or stop her in the street and kiss her fiercely. Just to shut down the wandering eyes of the other men and women in their small coastal town.

“What my wife wants, she gets,” Y/n leaned down and kissed Natasha’s forehead before signalling to get down. “What about breakfast?”

They both peered over at the half cooked mess of an egg on the stove before bursting into laughter. Straight into the trash it went, that was clear.

“I’m going to take my gorgeous wife out for breakfast,” the redhead announced, twirling Y/n under her arm in time to the music still playing from the radio. “With the promise of properly cooked eggs and a beautiful view.”

“I already have a beautiful view.” Cheesy.

“Get out of here,” Natasha joked, administering a slap to her wife’s ass as she ran out of the kitchen and down the hallway, a redhead hot on her heels.

But their urgency to leave was short lived as Natasha tackled Y/n onto the bed, peppering her face with kisses as they rolled around on the crumpled sheets, acting more like teenagers than thirty year old women. But they were allowed to, Natasha had been robbed of a childhood after all.

Breakfast could wait, this morning was much more important.

Hello!

Welcome to my blog! For now, this is mostly dedicated to my Natasha Romanoff series posted on Wattpad and AO3. I wanted to have a better way to connect with my readers on both platforms, so, here we are! I will primarily post updates and sneak peaks of my fics on here (you can also find playlists for all my works at the bottom of this post), as well as reblogs of things that I recommend/love from other creators, but I also want to interact with you guys! If you've read my works or you're just coming across it for the first time, feel free to reach out to me with any questions or comments! I'd love to chat <3

Playlists:

n.r. - act 1

n.r. - act 2

to everyone who follows me from ao3 and keeps up with my Natasha Romanoff fic, I am still working on the next chapter, but I wanted to see what everyone thinks of me splitting chapter 2 in half to get an earlier update? right now I'm at about 22k words, but it's definitely going to get longer because I have one more scene to write. I could post what I have already this weekend or I can wait until the whole chapter is done (which I unfortunately don't know when that will be because of exams and assignments).

If there's no clear consensus, I'll likely split the chapter up anyway. I just want to know your opinions before anything! super sorry it's been so long between updates, but this is my way of trying to fix that <33