Nice Guys - Tumblr Posts
Let's have a toast for the douchebags.
You lament the torture that a 'nice guy' must go through, constantly abhorring the fact that the girl you love is with an asshole. Constantly wondering why your affection is often unrequited your mind weeps itself to sleep. YOU are the nice guy and HE is the asshole. "What does she see in him? Why don't my gestures mean anything to her? Why doesn't she see how much she means to me? I do everything for her."
And of course this means she should be kissing the ground you walk on, right? The fact that you walk this earth with a sense of entitlement and a need to be reimbursed for your actions by the one you love makes you no better than the asshole she's with. The fact that you do not see your own flaws and assume you are god's true gift to women is disenchanting and is counter productive to who you are trying to be. If you truly loved her you would be happy for her.
"But only IIII know how to treat her. Only IIIIIIII deserve her. I provide a shoulder to lean on when she's upset and I know everything about her." Oh you mean like the friend she's expecting you to be? Sorry but this isn't Hollywood. She's not going to all of a sudden see you in a new light when she's crying on your shoulder while a sad acoustic ballad plays in the background. She's going to cry on your shoulder and think nothing more of you than a supportive friend because that's what you're doing. You're being her friend.
No, you know what makes you worse? Is that you, and everyone else like you, act like whiney little boys who cannot get over their sense of superiority over those who think they think do not know how to properly treat a girl. Listen. She's not stupid. She knows who she's with. She likes him. Why? Because he had the courage to consider her feelings by stepping up to her and telling her how he feels. He decided "I'm not going to put myself in the friend box" which is what you did. You're jealous so you find every perceivable flaw and maybe even generate a few of your own projecting your anger and rejection onto him.
Oh but the best part is when you finally do get the girl. What do you do? You're still sitting on your goddamn throne thinking you've never made a mistake in your life because you're the 'nice guy' who's perfect. You of course know that you've been treating her well. You're romantic, supportive and every other rom-com cliche. So when she's yelling at you for something you stare at her as though she's an infant and patronize her because obviously her claims are unfounded. Because obviously you know best.
I'm sorry if this is completely off but to me there's a reason "nice guys finish last". They're all a bunch of entitled, arrogant, whiney douchebags.
STOP SAYING NICE GUYS FINISH LAST! YOU'VE GOT YOUR HEAD STUCK SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU CAN'T SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY A NICE GUY!!
JUST CAUSE YOU'RE A "NICE GUY" DOESN'T MEAN WE WILL LIKE YOU, WANT TO DATE YOU, WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, OR SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES WITH YOU!!
HOW ABOUT YOU GET OVER YOURSELF AND STOP TRYING TO GUILT TRIP PEOPLE INTO DATING YOU BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SOMEONE WOULD DATE YOUR SORRY ASS!!
ALSO MAYBE STOP HAVING UNREALISTIC STANDARDS FOR PEOPLE!! YOU DON'T NEED TO DATE A TALL, SKINNY, BLONDE HAIRED, BLUE EYED MODEL TO BE HAPPY!! APPEARANCE ISN'T EVERYTHING!!
THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A "NICE GUY" AND MAKING ME FEEL LIKE NO ONE WOULD LOVE ME FOR ME BECAUSE I'M 5'4, AND HAVE RED HAIR AND BROWN/GREEN EYES!!
YOU'RE NOT A NICE GUY! NO ONE HAS TO COMMIT TO YOU! SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP! OKAY!
If I see one more “nice guys” post I’m going to have a stroke
“I usually stretch a Tinder chat over days or even weeks, warily circling a guy to make sure he seems like a decent human. But on that sticky summer night, Bob* put me at ease right away. He was in an open relationship, just like me. He talked frankly and respectfully about sex. He said he was a “giver.” He agreed on “no sexpectations” when we made plans for a last-minute date. I can’t say for sure because he would later unmatch me, but I think his Tinder profile boasted that he was a feminist.
Once at the bar, I couldn’t tell if I was attracted, but we had a pleasant time, anyway. Bob seemed adventurous, smart, fun, and horny. He told me he was an “erotic massage therapist,” working with sexual trauma victims and teaching them how to orgasm again. He touched my leg almost immediately, then said, “Let me know if this is too much.” After an hour or two, I decided we would have a light hookup to see if there was any physical spark. I went back to his place around the corner from the bar, after clearly announcing my boundaries. “Just a makeout,” I insisted. He said that was fine.
After a few minutes in his bedroom, it was clear it was not fine. We started kissing and I felt mildly turned on. Then I didn’t. I told Bob I had to go, but he pressed. Coquettishly, quietly, I said, “Stop.” He pressed more. Then I said, “No, really, stop.” When I faced away from him to jiggle my bra back in place, he came up behind me and tried yet again. At one point, he pushed me onto his bed and said, “Wait a minute, I still haven’t made you come.”
Eventually, I was firm—“I REALLY have to go!”—and made my way to the door, although I kissed him goodnight rather than leaving in a huff. “Next time,” I assured him. As soon as I was on the street, I cried confused tears, surprised at myself for letting my guard down so quickly and then not even acting angry. Did that scenario really just happen between two Brooklyn feminists?
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Tinder Bob is a cinematic example of an infuriating phenomenon: the woke misogynist. The woke misogynist is a guy who talks a big game about gender equality and consent, uses vocabulary like “triggering” without rolling his eyes, wears a pussy hat to the Women’s March, prefers to fuck feminists and may freely call himself one, too—then turns around and harasses you, assaults you, or belittles you. Perhaps his behavior throws you off because, unlike the whimpster or emosogynist of the aughts, he’s confident in himself and his pro-woman bonafides. Or because he apologizes nicely and indulges you in a thoughtful conversation after the offending incident. Or, most likely, because his misogyny is more ambiguous and subtle than that of, say, Bill Cosby or Roger Ailes or Donald Trump.
The woke misogynist is also harder to pin down than the garden-variety progressive man who just happens to have a blind spot when it comes to women. These “Ninos”—named after Elena Ferrante’s charming, philandering intellectual, Nino Sarratore—have always existed. During the Sixties, it was perfectly commonplace for anti-war activists and civil rights leaders to ridicule or ignore women’s liberation; unapologetic movement sexism was part of what led to Second Wave feminism in the first place.
This pattern was hypocritical in a grander sense, in that someone purporting to be for human rights shouldn’t go around abusing or dismissing women. But unlike the woke misogynist, these men’s bigotry was unflinching, their hostility blatant. Woody Allen and Stokely Carmichael and Norman Mailer may have been pillars of the left, but they certainly never claimed to be feminists.
Now that feminism has become more fashionable, it’s harder to tell who our true allies are. Self-proclaimed male feminists are everywhere, from dating apps to Silicon Valley to Hollywood. Many men now want to be equal partners and parents. They believe a woman should be president and they follow Kamala Harris on Twitter. They would never dream of saying indisputably sexist things in public. Many male feminists are genuine, even if they’re not perfect. They will try and sometimes fail on their way to enlightenment. We care about the men in our lives, so we are happy to explain what they’ve done wrong. We will gently chide our guy friends for objectifying their female lovers or about how their favorite films don’t pass the Bechdel test.
And they’ll usually listen, because being a male feminist is admirable. Being a male feminist can even get you laid.
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When I put out a call for “woke misogynist” stories, I received tales of behavior all across the spectrum: The college guy who bought his girlfriend feminist zines and also slapped her so hard she reeled backwards. The boss who was an enemy of the patriarchy on the internet but regularly intimidated and talked down to his female employees. The outspoken women’s rights advocate who went out of his way to call Kellyanne Conway ugly.
Women recalled chronic patronizing, compulsive manterrupting, and classic sexism excused with self-awareness (“I know this is super-sleazy of me, but…”). Riot Grrrl icon Kathleen Hanna, who skewered her woke misogynist fans last year in her song “Mr. So and So,” told me she “was raped in college by a guy who’d read more feminist books than [she] had.”
I heard countless versions of my awful Tinder date: a supposedly feminist guy who bent or broke the rules of consent in some uncanny, unsettling, unconventional way. The worst thing about this phenomenon, one woman remarked, is that it’s often “a general feeling, not necessarily a momentous incident. And that makes it feel less real.”
Since woke misogyny can come with a hefty dose of gaslighting, it’s difficult to tell whether it’s calculated or not. One thirtysomething woman I’ll call Clara recounted a story of how a man had impressed her on a date by pointing out that the social life of their mutual circle of friends involved dudes playing in bands…and their girlfriends watching them. “We talked about how ironic it was that this ostensibly progressive group of guys had built this sexist scene around themselves,” she recalled. “It kind of sealed the deal—I liked this guy.”
When he sexually assaulted her one drunken night, Clara found herself paralyzed the next morning. “Everything he’d said before seemed like a trick to get me in bed,” she said, “and also just left me really confused after the fact—had things really gone down like that? He seemed like a really nice guy.”
Nice. Reasonable. The kind of man you could confront with the very behavior he claims to denounce. And when those confrontations actually happen with a woke misogynist, it can be the biggest mindfuck of all.
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