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Soul-searching (Part II)

Sometimes, we need to commit mistakes to learn from them. It may sound horrible, but deep inside, you know it’s not far from the truth. 

Anyway, this wraps up Essie’s so-called journey before she reconciled with Johnny. If you’ve been a loyal reader since day one and know which story it’s connected to, please give me a holler?  

Since Oh Sehun from EXO co-stars in this piece, here’s a dreamy GIF of him. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

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Summary: This picks up from the last installment, but with a few days’ interval. Essie, who felt hurt, depressed, and lost after her encounter with Kun, ends up drinking with Oh Sehun in a bar. Before you know it, the story has become one of those cliches. In short, another brain fart from yours truly. 

POV: Shockingly, I wrote a 1st person POV! Do you think I should keep it up?

Word count: 1,200 + words

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“You know, if things were different, we could’ve dated.”

I almost spat the beer I was drinking when Sehun that. “Dude, please. Be serious.”

“But I am,” I heard him shuffling closer to me, “and I know what I’m saying doesn’t help your situation either.”

“Well, maybe you’re drunk than you’ve let on,” I whispered, examining the bottle I was holding. Its amber color was intoxicating, even if I have already held it a hundred of times.

“Babe, I’m far from drunk,” he scoffed, “haven’t you heard that when you’re drunk, you’re more likely to tell what’s on your mind than when you’re sober?”

I looked at him briefly, and he grinned like the cheeky bastard that he is. “It’s true. Youngho knows that I like you, but he told me not to pursue you. As a friend, I respected that.”

I was shocked with the information I heard – Johnny told Oh Sehun not to take his chance with me, which makes me cringe at the mere thought of it.

I have to admit that I found him handsome when I first met him. He had that mysterious charm around him, but the more he stayed with us, the more I found him cocky and annoying. That put me off with him completely, and I forgot that I even liked him in the first place.

Now that I ended up at this bar with him, I don’t know what to feel or say for now. I got another bottle of beer from the bucket we ordered and drank silently as I looked out into the night sky.

“What’s on your mind, princess?” Sehun broke the silence, and I felt him close the small space between us. I could feel his body heat as well as his sweat.

“I wonder why I end up in these kinds of situations,” I glanced at him and saw that he was also looking at the dark cityscape.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I ruin relationships, I guess? I broke Youngho’s heart because I had an affair with Yoon Oh, and I lead on Kun,” I took another swig of beer before searching my bag for another pack of cigarettes.

“Here,” Sehun gave me his stick that had already burned halfway. I did not hesitate to put it in my lips and took a long drag. I felt so awful right now, and I know that having drinks with him wasn’t helping at all.

But he was drinking alone at this bar that I’ve always wanted to go to, and now I ended up in a private area at the rooftop with him. Fortunately, we could smoke here as much as we could, and he wouldn’t make me feel guilty if I finish a pack or two.

“Wow, that’s quite a record,” he said after he was halfway through a new stick, “but things happen for a reason. Maybe they ought to teach you a lesson or two for breaking other people’s hearts. Or maybe it’s karma? Did you do something horrible before?” He snickered before putting out the cigarette on the ashtray.

“I don’t know anymore, seriously. But you know,” I leaned back on the couch, holding the beer bottle closer to my chest, “based on what you told me earlier, we could’ve dated in a situation like this.”

The alcohol is doing its job on ruining myself more; the sober side of me thought after this was all over.

“Hm? Tell me more,” Sehun mimicked my actions, and he gave me a dopey smile this time.

“I could be drinking with a couple of friends, and you’ll be on the other table. We’d catch each other looking, and we’ll be giggling messes because we’ve drunk quite a bit. Later on, we’d make excuses to get to know each other by going to the bathroom, and before we know it–––”

He never let me finish the story because he had already kissed me.

He tasted like memories of a careless past – a bittersweet mixture of alcohol, cigarettes, and his personal taste. I am reminded of the times I used to kiss boys back in college during parties and then kick their nuts when they wanted to have sex with me when I didn’t want to.

I had the urge to pull him away, but I couldn’t. He had already pinned my arms on the sofa, and his kisses became more ravenous.

When we almost lost our breaths to that intense kiss, he broke away but still held my wrists.

“That story of yours could’ve been us, really,” he said, still panting, “but now we got to the part that can happen but won’t ever get repeated.”

“Sehun, please,” I cried, “Don’t make things worse. I’m begging you.” My whole face felt warm, probably because of the alcohol and shame I was feeling. Even the tears that I cried felt like it was going to burn my face.

He let go of my wrists and resumed drinking. He didn’t say anything when he finished another bottle and took out another cigarette. All of that, I observed while I cried silently.

“I’m sorry, Essie. I admit I know what I’m doing, but rest assured, it would be the last time I’ll do that. So please,” he looked at me with teary eyes, “do the right thing and fix everything with Youngho before it’s too late.”

A few minutes later, we were at the sidewalk waiting for a cab.

“I would suggest that you return in a prettier state, not like the hot mess that you are now,” he chuckled, eyeing me from head to toe. I rolled my eyes at him and shoved my hands deeper into my coat’s pockets. “I can freshen up inside the car, dude. No need to worry about me.”

When Sehun finally hailed an empty cab, he pulled me into a half-hug and patted my shoulder. “Remember, do the right thing,” he whispered.

I nodded as I stepped inside the cab. We waved at each other once I was inside, and I burst into tears again when he was out of sight.

///

I did my best to compose myself before returning to the apartment I shared with my boyfriend and our common friend. I wiped away the damage my tears have done to my makeup and retouched. I took a couple of mint candies and spritzed some perfume on my pulse points.

What took most of my time inside the cab was that I prayed for things to better, for me to be more responsible for my actions and to be more understanding of how other people feel.

I prayed for a lot of things that would help me become a better partner because I know that Johnny Suh is the one for me.

I’ve done a lot of questionable things over the past few months, but my heart knows that it is with Johnny that I find true peace and contentment.

To those I have hurt, I deeply apologize for what I’ve done. I can’t claim that I never meant to break your hearts, but as sad as it sounds, what happened was part of a learning process for us.

Maybe we’re meant to burn our bridges, or maybe we can still be friends without falling for each other.

I took a deep breath when I was in front of our apartment. I noticed that the lights were off – it was already three in the morning – but that didn’t stop me from going back to where my heart has always belonged.

I’m back, my love.

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FIN