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Soul-searching (Part II)

Sometimes, we need to commit mistakes to learn from them. It may sound horrible, but deep inside, you know it’s not far from the truth. 

Anyway, this wraps up Essie’s so-called journey before she reconciled with Johnny. If you’ve been a loyal reader since day one and know which story it’s connected to, please give me a holler?  

Since Oh Sehun from EXO co-stars in this piece, here’s a dreamy GIF of him. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: This picks up from the last installment, but with a few days’ interval. Essie, who felt hurt, depressed, and lost after her encounter with Kun, ends up drinking with Oh Sehun in a bar. Before you know it, the story has become one of those cliches. In short, another brain fart from yours truly. 

POV: Shockingly, I wrote a 1st person POV! Do you think I should keep it up?

Word count: 1,200 + words

–––

“You know, if things were different, we could’ve dated.”

I almost spat the beer I was drinking when Sehun that. “Dude, please. Be serious.”

“But I am,” I heard him shuffling closer to me, “and I know what I’m saying doesn’t help your situation either.”

“Well, maybe you’re drunk than you’ve let on,” I whispered, examining the bottle I was holding. Its amber color was intoxicating, even if I have already held it a hundred of times.

“Babe, I’m far from drunk,” he scoffed, “haven’t you heard that when you’re drunk, you’re more likely to tell what’s on your mind than when you’re sober?”

I looked at him briefly, and he grinned like the cheeky bastard that he is. “It’s true. Youngho knows that I like you, but he told me not to pursue you. As a friend, I respected that.”

I was shocked with the information I heard – Johnny told Oh Sehun not to take his chance with me, which makes me cringe at the mere thought of it.

I have to admit that I found him handsome when I first met him. He had that mysterious charm around him, but the more he stayed with us, the more I found him cocky and annoying. That put me off with him completely, and I forgot that I even liked him in the first place.

Now that I ended up at this bar with him, I don’t know what to feel or say for now. I got another bottle of beer from the bucket we ordered and drank silently as I looked out into the night sky.

“What’s on your mind, princess?” Sehun broke the silence, and I felt him close the small space between us. I could feel his body heat as well as his sweat.

“I wonder why I end up in these kinds of situations,” I glanced at him and saw that he was also looking at the dark cityscape.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I ruin relationships, I guess? I broke Youngho’s heart because I had an affair with Yoon Oh, and I lead on Kun,” I took another swig of beer before searching my bag for another pack of cigarettes.

“Here,” Sehun gave me his stick that had already burned halfway. I did not hesitate to put it in my lips and took a long drag. I felt so awful right now, and I know that having drinks with him wasn’t helping at all.

But he was drinking alone at this bar that I’ve always wanted to go to, and now I ended up in a private area at the rooftop with him. Fortunately, we could smoke here as much as we could, and he wouldn’t make me feel guilty if I finish a pack or two.

“Wow, that’s quite a record,” he said after he was halfway through a new stick, “but things happen for a reason. Maybe they ought to teach you a lesson or two for breaking other people’s hearts. Or maybe it’s karma? Did you do something horrible before?” He snickered before putting out the cigarette on the ashtray.

“I don’t know anymore, seriously. But you know,” I leaned back on the couch, holding the beer bottle closer to my chest, “based on what you told me earlier, we could’ve dated in a situation like this.”

The alcohol is doing its job on ruining myself more; the sober side of me thought after this was all over.

“Hm? Tell me more,” Sehun mimicked my actions, and he gave me a dopey smile this time.

“I could be drinking with a couple of friends, and you’ll be on the other table. We’d catch each other looking, and we’ll be giggling messes because we’ve drunk quite a bit. Later on, we’d make excuses to get to know each other by going to the bathroom, and before we know it–––”

He never let me finish the story because he had already kissed me.

He tasted like memories of a careless past – a bittersweet mixture of alcohol, cigarettes, and his personal taste. I am reminded of the times I used to kiss boys back in college during parties and then kick their nuts when they wanted to have sex with me when I didn’t want to.

I had the urge to pull him away, but I couldn’t. He had already pinned my arms on the sofa, and his kisses became more ravenous.

When we almost lost our breaths to that intense kiss, he broke away but still held my wrists.

“That story of yours could’ve been us, really,” he said, still panting, “but now we got to the part that can happen but won’t ever get repeated.”

“Sehun, please,” I cried, “Don’t make things worse. I’m begging you.” My whole face felt warm, probably because of the alcohol and shame I was feeling. Even the tears that I cried felt like it was going to burn my face.

He let go of my wrists and resumed drinking. He didn’t say anything when he finished another bottle and took out another cigarette. All of that, I observed while I cried silently.

“I’m sorry, Essie. I admit I know what I’m doing, but rest assured, it would be the last time I’ll do that. So please,” he looked at me with teary eyes, “do the right thing and fix everything with Youngho before it’s too late.”

A few minutes later, we were at the sidewalk waiting for a cab.

“I would suggest that you return in a prettier state, not like the hot mess that you are now,” he chuckled, eyeing me from head to toe. I rolled my eyes at him and shoved my hands deeper into my coat’s pockets. “I can freshen up inside the car, dude. No need to worry about me.”

When Sehun finally hailed an empty cab, he pulled me into a half-hug and patted my shoulder. “Remember, do the right thing,” he whispered.

I nodded as I stepped inside the cab. We waved at each other once I was inside, and I burst into tears again when he was out of sight.

///

I did my best to compose myself before returning to the apartment I shared with my boyfriend and our common friend. I wiped away the damage my tears have done to my makeup and retouched. I took a couple of mint candies and spritzed some perfume on my pulse points.

What took most of my time inside the cab was that I prayed for things to better, for me to be more responsible for my actions and to be more understanding of how other people feel.

I prayed for a lot of things that would help me become a better partner because I know that Johnny Suh is the one for me.

I’ve done a lot of questionable things over the past few months, but my heart knows that it is with Johnny that I find true peace and contentment.

To those I have hurt, I deeply apologize for what I’ve done. I can’t claim that I never meant to break your hearts, but as sad as it sounds, what happened was part of a learning process for us.

Maybe we’re meant to burn our bridges, or maybe we can still be friends without falling for each other.

I took a deep breath when I was in front of our apartment. I noticed that the lights were off – it was already three in the morning – but that didn’t stop me from going back to where my heart has always belonged.

I’m back, my love.

–––

FIN

MKJS Masterlist

Sorry, it took me long to do this, but I can say that now is the perfect time to do so because I’ve posted quite a lot since the lockdown started. 

Let’s divide it into three categories: series, character (then divided into series), and the main timeline.

Once I post more stories, this post will be updated further. 

Without further ado...

SERIES

Sugar and Fluff - Random Johnny and Essie sweet moments

Volume 1

Volume 2

Volume 3

Volume 4

Housemates - Inspired by descriptions from @markleesquishy on Instagram on how it would be like to have them as your housemates

Johnny

Mark

Jaehyun

Ten

Trysts with Mon Amour - Essie takes a chance with Jaehyun despite being in a relationship with Johnny (Also linked is my Spotify playlist in case you want to listen to the songs that inspire and accompany it.)

Conflicted

Snippets from an Affair

A Kiss for Luck

Day Dream

Couple Things - More Johnny and Essie moments that focuses on them as a couple

Part I

Part II

A Tale of Two Valentines - Johnny and Essie moments focused on Valentine’s Day

Part I

Part II

Cool Off - Johnny and Essie take a break from their relationship, which leaves Johnny miserable

Part I

Part II

Soul-Searching - A continuation of Cool Off, but focuses on Essie’s side of the story

Part I

Part II

Studies on Tension - Like most couples before getting together, Johnny and Essie experienced their share of sexual tension

Part I

Part II

Inspired by @neoculturedrabbles​‘ prompt list

MK (Part I)

JN (Part I)

JH (Part I)

JN (Part II)

JH (Part II)

JN (Part III)

JN (Part IV)

Intoxicated - A special take on some prompts from @neoculturedrabbles​

Part I

Part II

Quarantine Series - A timely collection of stories while the world is still in lockdown due to the pandemic

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV 

With Family - A collection of stories focusing on Johnny and Essie meeting the parents and family of one another 

Part I

Part II

Burnout - A romantic drama (with lots of angst?) featuring the love triangle of Johnny, Y/N and Jaehyun. Coming soon! 

Teaser

Teaser, B-side

–––

CHARACTER

JOHHNY

Standalone Fics

The Model and The Stylist 

Photography

Awkward

Plushie

Down

Focus

From the Main Timeline 

How They Met

The Look

Love Song

Tripping

Do I Wanna Know?

How He Loves

Resolution

The Dream Synopsis

The Pull of You

Lost and Found

Wondering

Sugar and Fluff 

Volume 1

Volume 2

Volume 3

Volume 4

Housemates 

Johnny

Couple Things

Part I

Part II

A Tale of Two Valentines 

Part I

Part II

Cool Off

Part I

Part II

Studies on Tension

Part I

Part II

Inspired by @neoculturedrabbles​‘ prompt list

JN (Part I)

JN (Part II)

JN (Part III)

JN (Part IV)

Intoxicated

Part I

Part II

With Family

Part I

Part II

\\\

MARK

Standalone Fics 

Jamming with Mark

I Will Follow You into the Dark

Two Birthdays

You’re Such an Ass

From the Main Timeline 

Cruel Game

Tripping

The Dream Synopsis

Housemates

Mark

Inspired by @neoculturedrabbles​‘ prompt list

MK (Part I)

\\\

JAEHYUN

Trysts with Mon Amour (which are also part of the Main Timeline) 

Dangerous

Dangerous, B-side

Cruel Game

Conflicted

Snippets from an Affair

A Kiss for Luck

Day Dream

Reality Checklist

Housemates

Jaehyun

Inspired by @neoculturedrabbles​‘ prompt list

JH (Part I)

JH (Part II)

\\\

OTHERS

Ten

Housemates (Ten)

Lucas

Fling Things

Kun 

Soul-Searching (Part I)

Sehun

Soul-Searching (Part II)

Steal Your Girl

–––

THE MAIN TIMELINE

To be honest, I didn’t expect that these stories will have a timeline. There are other stories I haven’t written or posted that will help put things into a better perspective, but this is what we have for now. The links will start in the order that you should read it first. 

How They Met

The Look

Cruel Game

Steal Your Girl

Love Song

Tripping

Do I Wanna Know?

How He Loves

Resolution

The Dream Synopsis

Conflicted

Wicked Games

The Pull of You

Lost and Found

Wondering

Cool Off Series - please see links above 

Soul-Searching Series - please see links above 

With Family - please see links above

Please take note that although some of the stories can coincide with the main timeline, consider them as side stories if you will. If you have any questions, my inbox is open. 

–––

First post and update: September 6, 2020 

Second update: September 13, 2020

Third update: September 20, 2020

Fourth update: October 4, 2020

Fifth update: October 12, 2020

Sixth update: May 30, 2022 (OOPS SORRY ABOUT THAT)

Steal Your Girl

It’s been a busy week for me, hence the lack of updates. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post as much in the coming weeks, but rest assured that this blog will not die. 

Anyway, let’s get back to complicating things with EXO’s maknae Oh Sehun this time. Say what? 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: This piece is a precursor to this. Read about Essie meeting Sehun for the first time, and the hilarious shit that she says when inebriated.

POV: 3rd person 

Word count: 1,200 + words

Warning: Italics are for thoughts and foreign words. Since they’re all adults here, expect a lot of alcohol mentions. Please drink responsibly, and don’t get into trouble for this if you’re a minor. Damn, I miss drinking my wine, beer, and soju, y’all.

––––

Meeting Oh Sehun for the first time was an uncomfortable and awkward experience for Essie.

The guy didn’t do anything at all – it was just his vibe that put the girl off. He visited the apartment she shared with her best friend Johnny Suh after his schedule, and he wore a surly face almost throughout the night.  

She knew that Johnny was Mr. Congeniality, but she was surprised that he hadn’t introduced Mr. Oh Sehun to her until now.

“Hey, Essie. I’d like you to meet Oh Sehun. You can call him Sehunnie,” was her housemate’s introduction to the guy who almost obscured his face with a black bucket hat.

“Youngho, not that,” he whined, nudging Johnny on the ribs.

“Aw, come on! She’s a great girl, you’ll love her,” the Korean-American returned the nudge to his friend.

It was the first time Sehun looked at Essie, and she felt a mixture of fear and shyness. It was as if he was staring straight into her soul with his piercing gaze. When he didn’t say anything, Johnny proceeded with his spiel.

“And this sweet girl is Essie Park, my bestie and housemate.” The girl felt her best friend’s arm loop around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. She went along with his act and gave a small smile to her guest. He didn’t return it and continued to stare at her.

“Nice to meet you, Sehun,” she said, reaching out her hand for him to shake. He took it wordlessly and gave it a good shake before he plopped himself on the sofa.

“Do you have any soju or beer here?” The girl winced at Sehun’s voice, which sounded hoarse and a bit scratchy. Maybe he smokes a lot. Ugh, I hope I don’t end up talking like that…she thought, breaking away from her best friend’s hold.

“But of course! Do you think we’d run out of alcohol here? Not with this chick around,” Johnny pointed at Essie, who flipped the bird at him. Sehun chuckled at their interaction, making the girl look at their guest.

He stared at her again, and she was becoming more bothered with it.

\\\

Sehun had dinner with them first before they set up the balcony for drinks. It was a good thing that Essie just replenished their alcohol supply with soju, beer, and wine. The guest helped himself to a bottle of grapefruit-flavored soju while Johnny and Essie started with cabernet sauvignon.

“Really, wine first? You’ll regret your choice later,” Sehun commented before taking a swig of his drink.

“Is there a rule on drinking which alcohol you should take first?” Essie felt sassy after sipping on the wine.

“No, you drink whatever you want. I was just about to share that drinking wine first before soju didn’t end well with me, but since you seem so riled up about it, I won’t continue.” The guy in the all-black outfit huffed, turning away from her as he continued drinking his soju in peace.

The girl looked at her companion for help, but all she received was a shrug. “That’s just the way he is, baby. Let him be,” Johnny whispered, swirling his glass of wine.

It was Essie’s turn to stare at Sehun – specifically the back of his head and his phone – and she hoped that she made him feel uncomfortable this time.

\\\

The night was still young, and all of them were on the verge of being thrashed. Sehun was massaging his temples, Johnny was a laughing mess, and Essie kept on bumbling about anything.

“So I told him, he should go home because I can’t bear the thought of him shitting all over the place,” the girl was slurring, but she did her best to finish her story.

“And then what did he do? Did he listen to what you said or made a shit of himself?” It took Johnny to reply as he kept on laughing now and then.

“Ugh, you two! Shut the fuck up!” Sehun groaned, covering his face with both hands. “You’re making my headache with your noise…”

“I suggest you leave then,” All signs of Essie slurring disappeared as she glared at their guest. “If you can’t tolerate our noise, go ahead. You’ve been nothing but a rude guest who can’t seem to smile at others who are sharing theirs with you.”

“Baby, please stop,” It seemed that Johnny was (sort of) back to his senses as he held his best friend’s arm. “Don’t provoke him. That’s just the way he is, I told you.”

“Me? A rude guest? Because I’m not smiling? Well, I’m sorry, princess. It’s your first time meeting me, and you’re already closing your doors on me.” Sehun positioned himself on the floor, right across from Essie.

“See? The way you talk is so…cocky! You’re so self-assured! You’re overconfident! You’re worse than him!” The girl pointed her thumb at her best friend, who called her out. “Hey! Don’t drag me into this baby!”

“Who did he learn it from, huh? Of course, it’s me who taught him to be like that!” The guy across Essie pounded on his chest to emphasize his point.

“Hey, I didn’t learn it from you dude! This is all-natural self-confidence!” Johnny piped in, his turn to pound his chest.

“Ugh, whatever! Both of you are pompous idiots who happen to be very handsome!” Essie raised her hands in frustration before standing up to leave the balcony.

The two guys looked at each other first before they looked at the balcony’s sliding door.

“Did she just call us handsome?” Johnny asked, slowly tilting his head to face his close friend again.  

“Very handsome, at that. I wonder who she could be referring to,” Sehun replied, running a hand through his hair.

“She did say it’s us, Sehun hyung,” the younger guy started laughing again. “I told you she’s a lovely girl. The words that come out of her mouth amaze me every time, especially when she’s drunk.”

“I get what you mean. She amuses me. I want to get to know her more, Youngho.”

“You know you’re like a brother to me, but I won’t allow that.”

Sehun raised an eyebrow at his dongsaeng. “You already got first dibs?”

“Back off, Sehun hyung. Please. She’s mine.”

“But she doesn’t know that she’s yours. Technically, she’s a free woman with no attachments.”

“Oh Sehun. Please. Don’t.” Johnny’s words hung in the air as the two men stared at each other.

“I can’t promise you anything, bro…” Sehun stood up from his position and went inside, presumably to follow Essie to wherever she was.

Johnny was quick to follow, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his friend went to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“You think I’m just going to sweep her away?” Sehun smirked before he drank another glass of water. “I know you could that,” his close friend said, folding his arms over his chest.

“Relax. I just want to get to know her better as a friend too, you know.”

“Sometimes, you make me feel nervous hyung, and tonight is one of them.” Johnny sighed, leaning against the wall.

Sehun laughed at his reaction and patted him on the back. “But really, I’ll do let you know if I’m going to steal your girl, so you better watch out.”

–––

FIN

Playing with fire Park Chanyeol / X-EXO Chanyeøl

* gif not mine *

I thought it would be a quiet day, but nothing had been like that since I discovered his existence.

Chanyeol was worried but most of all angry and this guy appeared everywhere we went.

Chanyeol's mood changed as soon as I saw him, he looked annoyed and uncomfortable whenever he was near or around us.

I didn't want to add to that, so I never mentioned to him that I had discovered this guy following me, watching from afar what I was doing, among other things.

I wasn't afraid of him, I was very intrigued. Where did he come from? What was he looking for?

×××

The day I found him outside my apartment, injured and almost unconscious it was impossible for me to ignore him, for me it was like turning my back on Chanyeol and that caused my heart to ache.

With the little strength he had left and my help he was able to make it to the sofa in the living room, where he collapsed totally defeated. I felt bad for him, he looked weak and looked totally harmless.

I watched him for a few seconds before going in search of the small first aid kit. I was cleaning the wounds on his face when he suddenly opened his eyes, he watched me for a few seconds before looking around.

He seemed to be looking for someone, when he saw us alone he seemed to relax and let me continue with my work.

After finishing I let him rest while I prepared dinner, my mind was in chaos, I didn't know what to do. Chanyeol would be here soon and if he was still here there could be trouble.

I wasn't afraid to be alone with him, I didn't feel that he could harm me, but I knew that Chanyeol would be totally out of his mind when he found out about this.

The jingling of keys and the small muffled noises on the other side of the door signaled his arrival, my nerves rose to an unimaginable level, there was nothing to do...

He walked straight to where I was, he greeted me with a small kiss on my forehead while he commented that he was starving, for a moment I remained static. He had passed in front of the sofa where his other self was and he didn't react to it, the nerves were still running through my being in a way that I couldn't bear any longer.

(^_^*)[02:34] jongin catches you sleeping with soundly snores on the couch after coming home from practice .He smiles to himself and carries you to the bedroom.You bury your face into the crook of his neck while inhaling his fragrant scent.Oh how you’ve missed nights like this.