Omg I Have A Tag Already For Alfred The Cat - Tumblr Posts
Also guest starring, Jerry the Turkey
batfamily on reality tv headcanons
The Beginnings
Bruce Wayne is approached by a popular reality TV studio with a specific request
They want the Waynes to appear in an episode of a show that follows prominent families to film their dynamics and ways of living
And it so happens that every bat kid LOVES THIS SHOW
They sometimes skip out on patrol to watch it as it airs
They easily get sucked into the drama
“Hey, did you see that Katie from the Mayron family disowned her daughter last night?”
“she WHAT??”
“Hey guys I love the show and everything but can we focus on the gun that pointed at my head right now? Thanks.”
Bruce, at Sunday dinner: “So everyone, for full transparency I must disclose that yesterday I was approached by the makers of some show called ‘Keep-’”
“YES YES 100% YES”
The Episode
It wasn’t even arguable at that point
Bruce went along with it, supposedly because turning it down would look “suspicious” but really he saw how happy it made his family
Their episode is WILD and widely regarded as the best one of the series
Starts out with a house tour led by Bruce and Alfred with meddling kids littered throughout the place
After that it follows them around a typical day and literally every scene is turned into a meme
Tim goes face first into a bowl of cereal after accidentally falling asleep at breakfast
The kids have a handstand contest to see who sits shotgun
There’s not enough room for all the kids in one car
Duke sits on Cass’ lap
Dick and Damian squeeze into the trunk between the jumper cables and a spare tire
Tim just jogs beside the car because he got there last
CARPOOL KARAOKE
Follows the kids getting ready for a press conference
No one can find Jason
Stephanie wears bright blue eyeshadow and refuses to take it off
Bruce goes to yell at Dick but literally cycles through every other name before he gives up
This happens
After the popularity, Bruce is again approached for a spinoff series
*deep sigh* “I can’t do this again…. I’m too weak…”
Notable Quotes
“And here’s the grand staircase whose- *loud crash* -railings are not intended to be a sliding board, Richard-”
Jason: “And here’s my room. Well, it was my room until some crackhead moved in.” Tim, off camera: “Stop calling me a crackhead! You know I was afraid of getting my flu shot!”
Camera man: “so you named your cat after your butler? Isn’t that a little weird?” Damian: “Look this cat in the eyes and tell me that he is not an Alfred.”
“I’m the only sane person in this family.” -everyone, at least once
“Screw you, Bruce! I wish Batman was my dad!”
“Superman wouldn’t treat me like this!”
Tim: “I’m running away to join the circus!” Dick: “Okay, first of all, any self-respecting circus wouldn’t even consider taking you. Secondly-”
Interviewer: “So Barbara, do you consider yourself a part of the Wayne family?” Babs: “Yes, but I’m hoping the emancipation papers go through smoothly.”
“Bruce trusted me, a seventeen year old, to run his entire billion dollar company and y’all think he’s Batman? Sad.”
Steph, to Bruce: “you’re just not that interesting to look at.”
ask and you shall receive - feel free to add on - requests open