Or A Corpse - Tumblr Posts

Vaggie: "Hello, Charlie's girlfriend speaking."

Husk: "Why the fuck do you always answer calls like that. This is your fucking phone."

Vaggie: "Yeah? And? I AM her fucking girlfriend, dumbass. She's only got one right now, so answering with that is just good as using my name."

Husk: "Just ask to use her last name already. This is stupid as shit."

Vaggie: "I, Charlie's girlfriend, am gonna have to say- fuck off."

Husk: "Chicken."

Vaggie: "Come at me when you're not still single, scaredy-cat."

Husk: "Like you don't have a ring."

Vaggie: "Like you don't practice having candlelight dinners-"

Husk: "How the FUCK do you know about th-"

Vaggie: "-same way YOU somehow know about the RING, you fucking-"

Angel Dust: "Both of you's know this is a conference call, right?"

Vaggie: "......"

Vaggie: "...Charlie..?"

Charlie: "Yes! Vaggie's future wi-"

Charlie: "-WHEEE HA I MEAN VAGGIE'S GIRL SPEAKING! FRIEND! GIRLFRIEND! Girlfriend of Vaggie who is CHARLIE! It's me I'm Charlie HI HELLO!!!"

Vaggie: "Sweetie, I love you."

Charlie: "I love you too! I love being your girlfriend and I DO- h, have a last name! I do. Have one of those."

Vaggie: "Right."

Charlie: "I have one."

Vaggie: "Good, cool. Hold that thought? I'll be right back."

Charlie: "Okay!!!"

Vaggie: (hangs up)

Vaggie, distantly in the hotel: " H U S K ! "

Husk: "Oh FUCK-" (CRASH) "-SHIT-"

(call ends)

(distant sounds of running and violence)

Angel Dust: "....."

Angel Dust: "Hey do-ray-mi-fa-so-la Charlie, I might not be datin' the guy, buuuut if your totally not future wife kills him I'm so not commin' to ya gay ass wedding."

Charlie: "....what if she just, MAIMS him a little?"

Angel Dust: "Ya serious?"

Charlie: "About marrying her???"

Angel Dust: (hangs up)

Charlie: "...Yes... yes I am~~"

Charlie: (cheerfully hangs up to go stop her gf from ruining their future wedding)