Or At All - Tumblr Posts
Hi, are you working on a game? I would 1000% play a game in your art style (depending on the actual content of course) but anyways what I'm trying to say is that your art style would be perfect for a game. Sorry if this sounds weird, it's meant to be a compliment 😅
No but this is actually really cool cause I want to when I finish graduating stuff [or something similar to that]
im yelling into the void some more cuz i do as i please. long vent.
i know damn well id be laughed and mocked to high heaven and beyond if i actively shared the concept of my damn coping mechanism for my trauma with anyone id consider close to me to give out that information (i ain't yellin from the rooftops, my throat would hurt) but i hate how i feel ashamed for it when there isn't a reason to. besides the misconception of it being a f3t1sh when it isn't (and that shit grosses me out big time) it shouldn't be like this. it fuckin makes me hate myself for doing something that actively makes me feel better and, novel concept— WORKS for me.
it wasn't not my fault my mother was a neglectful, emotionally abusive, narcissistic, hateful bitch and my father was a p3d0 that (thankfully) wasn't around much after my grandfather died and visitation was over. it wasn't my fault i experienced so much that a child shouldn't because of my mother and my almost equally as terrible aunt. it wasn't my fault that most of my childhood was surrounded by being anxious and afraid of the people who should've been giving me the proper attention needed for a growing child, or any child. i was told i was loved by the hands that hurt me, emotionally, mentally, and a few times physically.
and it wasn't my fault either that i wasn't placed on school til i was nine, into the second grade. i've told everyone i know that i was just held back, but it was because my mother didn't bother with education until she couldn't make anymore excuses. my aunt and mother told folks i was homeschooled. i wasn't. i had no way to make my mother be a parent for five fucking seconds, its not my fault it happened. i was just a child.
i don't care if how i cope on the rare times i feel safe (even now i don't, im always on high alert and it's mentally taxing on me) is weird. i don't care. i hate harbouring this internalized disgust for something that doesn't need it. i didn't get a chance to live a carefree childhood where at most i got worried over was schoolwork. i dealt with the extremes of mental abuse and poverty.
so fuck anyone who mocks me, you don't fucking know what it was like to live what i've had to live through. you couldn't know. you don't know a goddamn clue.