Payday 2 - Tumblr Posts
Bain: I can be seductive watch this.
Bain: *Lays on Dallas's desk* sexiest bitch on crime.net
Dallas, walking in: What-
Bain: *Falls off desk*
“I don’t need drugs to be high”
You and me both, bud. When I write crackfic it’s LITERALLY JUST. WHAT COMES UP IN MY HEAD. I’m glad we agree that they’re stinkin dummm
okay okay look, it’s a platonic (platonic) soulmate au. DONTTTTT say anythin /j
I realize this excerpt is a little bit uhhhh, but it started off as a serious concept then I decided to write down whatever my brain gave me XD
I’m also the narrator, so if your mental voice sounds like a gremlin I’m doing my job correctly LOLLL
I’ve been trying to find a way to respond to this but ive been so fucking caught up on “Like how Sonic loses his rings when he gets hit”
You wrote Dallas Himbo content and you deserve an award for it
-Nori
Need to get back into Payday so uhhhh headcanons.
When the Safehouse food supply is restocked its like a fuckin wild card every time. If Chains is restocking it, everything is generally pretty healthy with a few sugary snacks here or there. If Joy is restocking it, these mfs are living off of fruit loops for a month.
Dallas tried dieting when he was younger but he hated every second of it. He's restorted to just eating what he wants and just working out a shit ton.
Nobody has a synced sleep schedule. The only time anyone gets up at the same time is if Dallas decrees it so for a heist.
^^ Hoxton gets up the earliest at 4:30 am, and Joy gets up the latest at anywhere from 9 am to 4 pm. Sometimes Jimmy just doesn't wake up. He could get 40 straight hours of sound REM sleep and still wake up tired.
Joy isn't allowed in the basement without supervision purely because they kept throwing various items at Wolf's head. So far theyve gotten away with cheese, a tortilla, white bread, and suction nerf darts.
^^ In defense, Wolf has taken to putting labels, stickers, and pieces of tape on Joy's jacket when they walk by.
Joy, Jimmy, and Sydney have made a game out of asking the other heisters who they kin.
^^ Most heisters don't know what that means but Wick replied with "Neo from the Matrix" without hesitation.
Clover and Bonnie often get into screaming matches and it worries everyone in the Safehouse; sometimes you'll just start hearing upset Scottish and Irish but when you ask the two about it, they respond with "Oh no I love that girl we're best friends." And it confuses the shit out of everyone.
Jimmy doesnt seem like he can sing but I firmly believe he sounds like Simon Curtis when he does.
I will never not lose my shit when watching the Payday webseries. Specifically when Greta tries to be horny with Gage. My guy is Not Interested (tm). He is astral projecting through that entire scene. Theres a pretty lady leaning over him and he has the fucking blankest stare I have ever seen on a man getting his Excalibur fondled.
Honestly I lowkey think the resident punks (Rust and Sydney) would have acab tattoos as well.
Speaking of tattoos, which remember of the Payday gang d’y’all think is most likely to have/has ACAB tattoos? I’ll also count ACAB-related imagery/codes too (think 1312).
I think it’d be kinda funny if Bain or Dragan had them, because former cops so teeheehee funny.
On a more serious note, I can imagine Bonnie or Sangres having them. For your sanity (and mine), I will not elaborate on which body parts they have chosen to place these particular pieces.
Imagine some heisters visit Jiro's house.
Joy, Duke, and Sangres all kick off their shoes and neatly leave them by the door without much thought.
Whereas Houston and Dallas just.
Transmasc Joy headcanons part two because fuck it I say so.
- The team had a general consensus of "Oh wait what okay this is what we're doing now"
- Joy first started questioning his gender at a pretty young age but buried those thoughts until he joined the team.
- Said thoughts reappeared when Dallas pat him on the back after a heist and said "Good job, boys." Joy went to his van after the heist to relax and had a moment of "mmm boy :)"
- Joy had been super nervous to come out. The team pretty much saw him as "the hacker girl" so he didnt know how/if he could change their perception. And of course he was scared that he was gonna be kicked out.
- He told Bain first. He had heard Bain make jokes about his own transition in the past so he felt comfortable. He asked Bain to tell Dallas for him, as he was extremely nervous.
- Dallas was super supportive but tried to keep it hushed until Joy was comfy telling the whole team. He knows how sometimes people wanna keep their identity secret.
- He had sat down with Joy one day after a heist and just went "Okay how do I help you feel more comfortable at the Safehouse and with our team?"
- The nickname Dadlas was not dropped after this instance. In fact, Dallas could swear he hears it more often now.
- Naturally, Chains, Wolf, and Hox were the next to learn. Dallas got them all in a room and walked in with Joy like a parent bringing his kid to a board meeting.
- Joy was hella nervous cause these are some. Pretty scary guys.
- Wolf and Hoxton didn't know how to react, they knew Bain was also trans but they didn't really remember that often.
- I'd like to think Chains grew up in a household where he was taught "No matter what, you respect people if they respect you."
- So he was the first to speak up.
- "Alright, cool. Is there a new name you want us to use for you?"
- After the conversation, Wolf pulled Joy aside and went "Okay listen Hox and I fully support you we've just never been in this situation before so we don't know what to do."
- The garage gang learned next. Joy always felt comfy around Sydney, she just had the air of "do no harm but take no shit" so Joy felt at home around her.
- Rust was a little confused, but once Joy said "It just means I'm a guy now." He went "Oh okay." And went back to work.
- Houston immediately registered Joy as a little brother figured instead of a little sister and told him "If theres anything you need help with, let me know, we'll figure it out."
- Jiro and Jacket found out on accident.
- Jiro had been waiting for Joy outside his van and overheard a convo Joy was having with Bain about being scared to fully transition due to his circumstances.
- Jiro had done some research on the phrases he heard Joy use and just went "Wait is Joy not telling me something??" So thats when he had the aforementioned sit-down with Joy (see Trans Joy previous post)
- He was scared Joy would end up like Kento, but in a way he was sort of thankful. He considered Joy sort of a second chance, and he wasn't gonna lose this kid.
- Jacket found out when Dallas tasked him with finding Joy right before a heist.
- Joy had often stayed in his van purely because its where he felt the most comfortable (Also He's used to living out of his car but thats a set of headcanons for a different time)
- Jacket had opened the van and saw Joy in a pair of jeans and his binder, having just woken up and was still getting ready for the day.
- He kinda just shut the door but later Jacket gave him a thumbs up and hasnt been hostile so thats a win in Joy's book.
- Headcanon that Wick has an impeccable gaydar so he just knew.
-"I'm trans." "I fucking knew it."
- Sangres offered to throw a party when Joy came out to him.
- Joy had a moment of "Oh God how am I gonna pay for health insurance??" Because until now he never really needed it.
- Duke found him in his van worrying and he just sighed and went "Joy. We rob banks. Money isn't exactly an issue." "Oh shit yeah you're right."
- Hoxton and Clover physically dragged Joy out to go get better-fitting suits.
- Bain starts sending transtape to the Safehouse regularly because he doesn't want Joy wearing a binder during a heist.
- Joy programs his mask to display the trans colours during the month of June
- The gang doesn't go all out for Pride Month due to a lot of them being somewhat nervous to, but during June, if you look close enough, you can see that the masks of the Payday gang look a little more colourful (thanks to Sydney).
Also, random hc: Bain does his injections on his stomach and Joy does his on his thighs.
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and Payday au, cause I say so.
Bain is an Ymbryne. I know they're all women, but hear me out.
Magdeline Magpie, an Ymbryne trained and set out to create a timeloop. Years and years pass, and eventually, Miss Peregrine finds a rather large magpie on her doorstep. The bird tranforms back into a more human shape, and she almost immediately recognizes the Ymbryne.
"Mag-"
"Its Bain, now, thanks."
Fuck off yes I am indulging in trans Bain I am p r o j e c t i n g
So, Bain had left and originaly intended on creating a timeloop, but eventually forgot about it. However, he begins to realize something.
Every person he finds in the Payday gang is a peculiar, and many of them dont even realize it.
Dallas? Incredible reflexes and reaction speed. He always chalked it up to survival instinct.
Wolf tends to find himself in a more canine body on certain days.
Hoxton can carefully orchestrate and manipulate what people see and how they percieve the world around them.
Chains can take more hits than any normal person should.
Joy can easily manipulate technology (similar to Angel from Borderlands 2).
Duke can turn his skin to stone. Many of his teammates don't notice, but that isn't actually a mask.
Dragan has overwhelming strength.
Sokol can withstand insane cold, and even works better in chilly environments.
Clover can see through other people's eyes. She utilizes this during heists to find out where certain guards are, and if her or her teammates are within line-of-sight.
Bonnie can gently nudge the odds of luck in her own favour. Many times this just makes a coin fall a certain way, or make her opponent throw down rock instead of scissors.
Jiro has full on clairvoyance. He can predict other people's moves to a T on a good day.
Houston finds that he can turn on any motor vehicle, even when that vehicle shouldnt ve able to turn on.
Rust oxidizes and corrodes most things he touches.
Jacket is fueled by blood and can speak through any electronic device.
Wick analyzes things much faster than the average human, and could work out a way to actually kill a man with a singular tic tac if he needed to.
Bodhi can breathe underwater, and takes on a variety of more aquatic forms to suit his needs. Need him to sneak in somewhere? Give him a drainage line that connects, he'll be in before you could say "thanks."
Sydney has the ability to sew chaos wherever she goes.
Jimmy is on crack, he's already peculiar. (Seriously though he, the whole "oh I use science to clone" thing in this au is just a cover, he can basically commit mitosis)
Scarface has the ability to "enthrall" people. Not exactly mind control but he can. "Convince". People to work with/for him.
Sangres can breathe fire. Here me out; alcohol boosts the effect. He learned this after trying to show off at a family gathering, and after a few too many sips of tequila, almost set the house on fire.
Aldstone isn't an Ymbryne but he takes the responsibilties of one. He has a generally calming aura, and can very slightly shift memories a little left from center. He's the one who told Bain about the team's peculiarities.
Vlad and Locke aren't peculiar, but both have deep connections with groups in time loops.
So basically, some big bad or problem rolls around, and Miss Peregrine needs every peculiar she can get for help. Of course, she doesnt exactly want to since a lot of them are kids. Eventually, she catches wind of a particularly interesting group of older peculiars, all banded together but existing without a time loop. She arranges for them to meet, assuming they all already know.
A lot of them are surprised, to say the least. Joy, Sangres, Duke, Jimmy, Bodhi, Clover, and Jiro already knew, but the others are quick to deny it.
I imagine Wolf has a moment of "wait that isnt a hallucination?????" when he realizes he can lowkey shapeshift.
Bain steps in, telling the other Ymbrynes to stay away from his crew, purely because he's seen first-hand what happens to peculiars up against hollows and the like, and this crew /is his family/ and he's not letting anything happen to them.
Angst possibilties? Maybe, maybe.
I've been rotating this au like a microwave in my brain for a while and I wanted to share it.
Joy: I mean this in the most sincere way possible, F in chat.
Clover, bawling: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Joy: This is the only way I know how to express genuine sympathy.
Yo send me a hex code/colour pallette and a payday character and Ill draw them
Yo send me a hex code/colour pallette and a payday character and Ill draw them
Organizations/Groups I think the Payday heisters would be in.
Duke would definitely be a Kingsman agent. Im listing this first cause its what inspired the whole post. Dallas and Houston would be Statesman agents. Hoxton would be considered for Kingsman because of Aldstone, but whether or not he makes it in is up in the air.
Jacket would be buddies with the Unholy Trinity from GTA or part of the Creeps from RUINER.
This isn't like. An official group but I think Wolf and Joy would be survivors in Generation Zero.
Wick would be a Dark Brotherhood assassin when the Brotherhood was in its prime (Oblivion Era)
Jimmy is a citizen of the New Sheoth in Shivering Isles on the side of Mania.
I could see Bonnie as a crewmember aboard the Black Pearl.
More to come, feel free to add on :0
Love seeing people like a bunch of my payday posts. Look whose scrollin through the tag. Love you.
Joy: I’m so hungry i will eat literally anything
Hoxton: Beans?
Joy: I would rather starve
Hi yes I love Jacket from Hotline Miami and no I don't take criticism
He's learning new words