Poe Dameron Angst - Tumblr Posts
Gone
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You’re his best friend, and he is yours, though both of you don’t want to admit that there is definitely more than platonic feelings there. On a mission with Poe, you meet his ex lover Zorii who he still seems to like…
Pairings: poe dameron x f!reader
Warnings and whatnots : Angst and unhappy ending. Miscommunication (?)
Part 2: Found
You had been friends with Poe for years. Ever since you’ve joined the Resistance, he had been there for you and helping you, even though you both didn’t work in the same unit.
You were a medic while he was well, a pilot.
Normally, they never let you and Poe on the same mission. You were the chaos duo, something dumb was bound to happen if the both of you were together. Yet, this time was different. Leia herself had come up to you, Poe, Rey and Finn and ask you to go on this mission. Usually, you weren’t invited but apparently the planet was dangerous and you needed to be there to make sure no one died.
“How’s it feel to be part of team huh?” Poe asks, smiling as he flies the ship. You roll your eyes. “Good, but your flying is horrid.”
He only laughs. The laugh that sends shivers down your spine when you hear. The laugh that made your cheeks flush red and your brain dizzy. It made you drunk and nauseous. Or maybe it was his flying, you weren’t sure.
It wasn’t long until you landed on the planet. You were adorned in loose cloths and garments with shawls that covered your face to hide your identity. You held your medical supplies in a small basket weaved out of wood.
“You look stunning.” Poe says, as he gives you his hand to help you down. He winks at you, giving you his signature smirk.
“You too, Dameron.”
“Oh get a room!” Finn says, as Rey laughs beside him. We take no notice of them.
We were supposed to head to town and gather intel. The town was dangerous and robberies happened a lot. Mugging, killings, fights, they were the usual in this area. On the way there you had seen pools and trails of blood all over the pavement. No wonder you were asked to come. Even Poe seemed uneasy though he didn’t want to show it.
Poe grabs your hand, holding it tight and closely as you walk. Your heart flutters at his touch.
The bar that we were supposed to gather intel at was in the heart of town and we quickly found it. We entered, taking a seat near our target. We were making good progress and by the end of the night, we managed to complete the mission. I smiled as I walk back to the ship with Poe, Rey and Finn walking in front us. Poe was still grabbing my hand tightly.
“I’m not scared! I’m just making sure that you don’t get lost or hurt!” He had said.
“What a gentleman. You care about me so much hm Dameron?”
“Of course I do, love.”
The walk was going good when suddenly Poe stopped.
“Zorii?” He says, looking at a woman adorn in purple armour with a purple mask. I stood still, looking at her curiously, wondering how Poe knew her. Rey and Finn also came to an abrupt stop.
“Poe?” The woman named Zorii says.
Poe lets go of my hand, leaving me feeling empty. He goes up to her and hugs her, though she pushes him away. Yet, her body language doesn’t make it seem like she hates it. I stare at their interaction.
“Zorii! I missed you, how have you been?” Poe says
“Since you left? Shit.”
“Oh come on now darling. I didn’t know you missed me that much.”
“I really don’t. You left us Poe, we needed manpower and you left us.”
“You know for a fact that it wouldn’t matter if I stayed or left.” Poe explains. “You can just admit you still like me Zorii.”
Still like him? This girl had a crush on Poe, and he knew? A part of your heart broke as you hear his words. He said it with so much joy, a wide grin spread across his face.
“If you want to go out sometime we can. We can always start back where we left off.” Poe says, winking at her.
You could hear the sound of your heart shattering like glass hit with a hammer. You purse your lips and you watched them. You watched how he talked, how he stood, how he looked. He gave her a look. The look. He gave her the look that you thought he only gave to you. The smirk that he always gave to you. The eyes that glimmered only for you. Yet, here they were, all given to someone else. You chastise yourself internally. Had you meant nothing? Had you been so stupid enough to think that he would actually love you?
He was Poe Dameron. Esteemed pilot. He was highly decorated.
You… You we’re just some lowly medic that he had taken pity on.
The interaction between Poe and Zorii finally wrapped up but you couldn’t look at him the same. The joy that radiated off of you when you walked and saw him was no longer there, grief and regret filling its place. You felt your stomach churn and your heart beat. You move up to walk with Rey who gives you a sympathetic look. Finn decides to walk with Poe.
~ The days after the mission was torturous. Everywhere you went you saw him. He still didn’t understand why you were being so distant and yet you couldn’t muster up the words. It didn’t matter. He was never yours, and you were never his.
You couldn’t stand to look at him. To see him. To talk to him. Every time you did, every time you were forced to, it felt like a stab to your already broken heart. It hurt, you wanted to vomit.
It had been a week after the mission and you still couldn’t deal with it. You couldn’t deal with the guilt, the fear, the grief. You had to leave. You couldn’t stay here. It was interfering with your work and you didn’t want others to suffer due to your inability to control your emotions.
“Leia, I want to be transferred back to my home planet. I will still work and help with finding antidotes and other stuff but I can’t stay here.”
You had been ashamed to tell her. To explain to her the situation yet she understood and let you leave. She didn’t need you there to mess up. That was your conclusion.
So you left. You packed up your things and left in the dead of night when everyone was sleeping. When Poe was sleeping. You couldn’t even say goodbye. ~ Poe woke up, and immediately tried to find you. It had been an odd week. You had been distant from him and he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to know what happened.
Had something happened? Was something bothering you? He wanted to know so he could fix it. He wanted to be there for you and ensure you were okay. You were his girl, even if you weren’t official. He loved you, even though he couldn’t muster up the words to say it.
He searched everywhere yet he couldn’t find you. He searched the medbay, the cafeteria, the library. Everywhere, he even went to your room where he was surprised to see it cleaned out. Did you move rooms? He thinks to himself.
It was evening time when he heard the news. Rey and Finn had told him. He had freaked. He shouted, and made a scene. It was a good thing there were all in Poe’s room at the time. Poe was a wreck. He didn’t understand. Why would you leave? Why didn’t you tell him? Did he do something wrong? Did you hate him? Why wouldn’t you talk to him?
Finn and Rey tried their best to calm him down but they quickly left after realising he needed to be alone. Poe grabbed his comms and tried to call you. He messaged you, called you yet never answered. He waited and waited but no reply came from you.
Eventually he left to lay on his bed, thinking of you. He stares at his ceilings. He had loved you, and you had left him. He thought… He thought that he would tell you yet he never could. He was a flirt and could always pick people up, but not you. You were different. You made him nervous. Poe’s eyes welled up with tears as he thinks about you, he covers his face.
Why did you leave?
Found
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After years of not seeing each other, you had finally gotten over Poe Dameron, that is until he has to ruin it by suddenly appearing back into your life after smashing your heart into pieces. Yet, there’s someone different about him.
Pairings: poe dameron x readee
Warnings and whatnots: Reconciliation. Friends to lovers. Slight angst, fluff in the end.
Continuation of Gone <- read this first!!
It had been years since you left the resistance to go back to your home planet. After practically getting your heart stomped on by the guy you thought you actually had a chance with, you decided to leave and live a nice contemporary life in the countryside as a healer and medic.
You were quite content with your life, having rebuilt old relationships with old friends. You were finally moving on with life.
Poe, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He didn’t seem to be able to get you off his mind and it dismayed him. He wanted to find you. He had half the mind to just quit the resistance and try to find you, apologise for whatever he had done and hope you’d accept him. Yet, he couldn’t . War was still on the brink of happening so why leave now?
“Dameron.” A voice calls out to him. He looks up from his thumbs. He hums, realising he had just blurred out at the thought of you again in the meeting.
“Did you hear what I said?” Leia asked. Poe clears his throat, embarrassed that he hadn’t. She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I want you, Rey and Finn to go to The Elder World and find the Healer of the countryside.”
Poe agrees, not that there was much he can do anyway. Yet, a part of him lit up as he heard of the place he was supposed to go to.
The Elder World.
That was your home planet. He wondered if this person that he had to meet, they would know you.
So there he was, finally landing in the heavy forest next to the countryside of The Elder World. Finn pats his shoulder as they begin to walk to town. Everyone here was supposed to be in support of the resistance, so no need to be that wary.
They had asked around, trying to find this so called healer. Poe seemed intrigued by this person and eventually they were led to a little cottage near the outskirts of town. It was beautiful and charming. Poe looks at Rey and Finn, nervousness starting to consume him. What was wrong with him? Why was he so nervous?
Rey knocks on the door, and a tall boy opens it. Was this the healer?
Poe looks up at him, he felt a tinge of sadness envelop him. He was stupid for hoping that the person who would answer was you.
On the other side of the door though, you could hear your brother talk to someone. You fix up your dress and go to the front door, wiping your eyes that had dark eyebags beneath them. You were tired, but happy.
“Yes? How may I assist you? Broken bones? Bleeding? Coughs?” You ask, as you approach the door, not entirely looking at your patients. You stop in your tracks as you realise who was in front of you.
Poe’s eyes widen as he sees you. Rey and Finn look at each other before staring back at you. Poe pushes away your brother and immediately lines to hug you. You were enveloped by him. His hug was tight, and compressing. You didn’t hug him back immediately but you finally put your arms back around him.
You pull away, a feeling of longing still present in your heart. You shake the thought away. Why was he here? After everything, here he was in front of you. After getting your broken heart finally put back together, he came back to smash the leftovers of your broken heart into smithereens.
Before he could start his sentence, you interjected, “What are all of you doing here?” Rey explains the situation to you. You keep your eyes trained on her, but you could feel Poe staring at you. You shiver under his gaze. You pinch your nose as you think about their problem. “Do you seriously need me?”
“Yes.” Poe answers, too quickly. You ignore him, but sigh.
“Fine. I’ll get my things, but immediately after, I want to go back here.” You emphasise. Poe shrinks as he hears you say that, and a tinge of pity hits your heart but you ignore it, going inside.
Poe follows you in. He tries to talk to you but you decide to ignore him. You didn’t know why. He didn’t exactly do anything wrong. He didn’t know you liked him, so why were you so upset at him?
Poe finally caught the hint and left you alone. You were grateful, but a part of you still felt bad. Why did you miss his yapping so much?
The trip back to the resistance’s base would take 3 days, which meant you had to be in an enclosed place with him for three whole days.
The first day was filled with silence. You boarded the Millenium Falcon after waving and saying your goodbyes. You could see Poe cringe every time you hugged or kissed the cheek of your male friends. How odd. When you boarded, Poe had showed you your room, it was awkward with minimal talking from your side. It had been a while since you saw the Millenium Falcon and it was nice to see her back. Poe tried to crack jokes but he stopped after seeing your lack of response. He didn’t flirt with you, which you were happy with. The day went by quietly, with you keeping quietly in your room.
The second day was filled with a bit more talking, though it was mostly silent. Poe didn’t bother you much. He kept to himself and seemed to be avoiding you. You were grateful but didn’t understand. To your knowledge, Poe wasn’t the type to give up. The only time you saw him that day was when you ate.
The third day was the most interesting. It started with hard banging from your door, waking you up.
“Hey, It’s Poe… I want to talk.”
You sigh, before getting up and letting him up. He gives you a shy smile before sitting down at your desk. You gave him an odd look, he normally bee-lined for your bed.
“Yes?”
“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t quite understand what I did but please tell me. I hate the fact you’re not talking to me and I’m incredibly sorry. It’s been hard without you and now that you’re here but you don’t want to talk to me… it’s harder. Please, tell me what’s wrong… Why did you leave? Tell me. Tell me so I can get better. Tell me so I can make it up to you.” He bursts out, letting it all out.
You stand, shocked. Your arms cross atop each other, as you watch the man break down in front of you. You were stunned to silence.
“What did I do wrong?” He mutters out to you, finally looking at you.
“You.. you didn’t do anything wrong.” You sighed, taking a seat next to him. He gives you a perplexed look.
“I… I liked you Poe, and I was convinced you liked me too, but I was stupid and it turns out you liked that Zorii girl and I couldn’t just ruin everything so I…”
You didn’t finish your sentence, looking at Poe. Poe processes what you say. “You liked me?”
You didn’t answer him. You looked away.
“Do you… do you still like me?” Poe asks. You couldn’t answer him. You couldn’t even answer yourself when you asked yourself the same question.
“Well, that’s a shame… since… I like you too.” Poe says, leaning back. You turn your head back and stare at him.
“What?”
“I like you, but since you don’t like me back then…” Poe says, the same careless smile now back on his smile. You look at him, slapping his shoulder.
“You idiot.” You huff at him.
“I’m being serious. I like you.”
You look at him, and for once, you don’t see the playfulness in his eyes that he always had. It was gone and filled with seriousness.
“Tell me, do you like me back?”
You stared back and a smile crept up your face. A smile that had been gone for so long.
“I like you too Poe.”
But I’m Here In Your Doorway
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader
Based on these lines from this is me trying:
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway
Word count: ~2.6k
Warnings: mentions of and encounter with possible suicide, injuries (blood, bruises, etc), mention of (previous) deaths
Summary: reader loses everything. after she nearly makes an irreversible decision, she goes to Poe for help.
GIF not mine
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The screams of your squadron members bounce around in your head. It was your fault, you knew that. You shouldn’t have set off without checking your ship. Without checking for any trackers. So it wasn’t a surprise when, out of nowhere, a group of TIEs burst out of hyperspace, straight into your fleet like pins being knocked over by 30 flying bowling balls. You had watched, helplessly, as your friends - your family - were picked off one-by-one. As they went up into terrifyingly bright balls of gas and flame and smoke. It was your fault. All your fault.
Part of you was trying to cling onto the notion that you couldn’t have known, how could you have known? But the majority of your mind beat back those thoughts, letting the sickening guilt take over and push you into a dark corner. Debriefing had been a nightmare. General Organa had, of course, told you that it wasn’t your fault, that it was nobody’s fault but the spy she hadn’t discovered in time. She could sense the weight on your shoulders, sense you falling into a pit inside of yourself.
After the meeting, she had pulled you aside.
“Y/N. I need you to look at me,” she said, turning your head gently but firmly with her right hand. “It isn’t your fault. You did everything you could. Sometimes, things are just out of our control.”
“I know,” you lied, just wanting this conversation to be over. Leia could sense your apprehension, and sighed.
“Look, I know that nothing I say is going to change how you feel, because I’ve been there, and I know what you’re thinking. I know it’s hard. Trust me.” you look down at the floor, scuffing the tip of your boot across the dusty ground. “It will get better. I promise you.”
“Thanks, general.”
“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Leia?” she asks lightly as you turn to walk away.
“A few more, apparently,” you respond, the ghost of a false smile resting over your face. With that, you turn on your heel and head to your quarters.
You step through the door as it slides open and sit down on your bed. You reach for your datapad, wanting to distract yourself with something.
You click the screen on, and your heart drops. Staring back at you are the smiling faces of your squadron. You’re all clustered around Mari’s new droid, with hands on its shiny purple head. She had been so happy to get that little guy.
Now they were both nothing more than dust drifting through the empty expanse of space.
You hurl the tablet at the wall, watching as the screen shatters and falls to the floor.
You place your head in your hands, silent sobs racking your body. You clench your hair in your hands, knuckles turning white. You stand up, body shaking, and walk out of your quarters.
You pass Finn in the hallway. He smiles at you, but you can’t bring yourself to do the same. You feel awful as he looks back at you as you pass him, but at this point there’s no use trying to fix it. You trudge outside and up to your x-wing sitting on the tarmac, the edges of the wings blackened from smoke. You glance around, checking the coast is clear, then scurry up the ladder and into the cockpit. You check the time.
1800.
Sighing, you boot up your craft and quickly take off. You cruise over the base a few times, watching everyone go about their day. Like nothing happened. Like 10 of the most beautiful, vibrant souls hadn’t just been snuffed like a match. You swallow the knot in your throat and head for the atmosphere. You need to get away from here.
-
“General Organa!” Leia turns, to see a frenzied runway tech sprinting towards her. “Y/N took off on an unauthorized flight.”
Leia swallows thickly, her heart dropping. “How long ago?”
“We noticed she was left just now - but it looks like she’s been gone about an hour.”
“Then there’s nothing we can do but hope she comes back safely.”
“That’s what I was worried about.”
-
You land on a nearby forest planet, after searching for about ten minutes for a place to touch down. You pick a plateau on the Western side, lowering your land gear as you begin to descend. You hop down from your ship onto the grassy earth, and look around.
It’s quiet up here. There’s a soft wind blowing, and it weaves delicate fingers through your hair and across your face as you take off your helmet. You let it fall to the ground, and decide to walk around for a bit. You make your way to the edge of the plateau, and look out across the forest beyond. It stretches on for miles, a swath of dark green. The last rays of the sun blaze across the sky, painting the clouds with a pink-orange hue.
You glance down, and your heart drops to your toes. It’s a long way to the ground below. You begin to back up, but for some reason you find yourself stopping. You get closer to the edge, still looking down. It would be so easy to just take another step. Just one more. All of this would be over. You wouldn’t have to feel this guilt anymore.
Your knee lifts up slowly.
Realizing what you’re about to do, you scramble back, falling to the dirt. You brace your hands on the ground, digging your fingers into the earth to anchor yourself. Your chest heaves, and your vision spins. The ground seems to buckle, to toss you around. The sky bends and arches above you as you struggle to breathe. You roll over onto your stomach and wrap your arms around your knees.
You don’t know how long you lie there, but by the time you have the courage to stand up and walk again, the moon is floating in the sky above you, and the stars glimmer against a black backdrop.
You climb back into your x-wing and sit there, staring at your dashboard. Your eyes meet one of the few pictures leaned against the fuel gague. You and Poe lean against his x-wing a few months ago. You have your arms wrapped around each other. He’s kissing your cheek, and you’re laughing, open-mouthed, your nose scrunched up and your eyes shut tight.
You take a shuddering breath. Poe. You couldn’t believe what you’d almost done - what you still might do, if you don’t get out of here. You couldn’t leave him like that. You rapidly go through your flight checklist and then take off, headed back to base.
You land on the tarmac around 0200, exhausted and beaten down by your own thoughts. You hop out of your ship, landing on the ground with a thud.
You start walking, not really knowing where your legs are taking you, but you end up at Poe’s quarters. You can hear movement inside the room. You raise a trembling hand and knock once.
He opens the door, and his eyes widen. His mouth moves silently, searching for words.
You swallow thickly, a nervous knot tying in your stomach.
He takes a step toward you, not quite believing what he’s seeing. Leia had told him that you’d left suddenly after their meeting, and he had grown worried that you were hurt, or worse. But here you are, standing in front of him. Your form is limp and you’re drawn into yourself. Your face and neck are caked with blood and dirt, and your eyes are clouded and empty.
“Hi,” you say weakly. He quickly closes the gap between the both of you, wrapping you in a tight embrace. Your arms hang limp beside you.
“Stardust,” he breathes, holding you tightly. “I was so worried.”
Tears prick the corners of your eyes, falling down your face and onto Poe’s shoulder. He pulls back, concerned. Cradling your face in his hands, his eyebrows crease with worry.
He looks down at you, stroking your cheek gently with his thumb. There’s a silent question written across his features. You shake your head tearfully. You don’t know what to say.
“Baby…” he whispers, pulling you close to his chest again. You clutch at the back of his shirt with shaking hands.“I’m here now - you’re safe. You’re ok, you’re ok, you’re ok.” He repeats those two words over and over like a mantra, equally to himself as to you. “Let’s get you inside, ok?” he says, and you nod. Placing a hand on the small of your back, he guides you into his quarters.
“I’ll grab some clothes for you,” he says as you sit down on the edge of the bed. He rustles through his drawers, eventually coming up with a long-sleeved olive green shirt and a pair of grey boxer shorts. He sets them on the bed next to you. “Are you good to take a shower?” You think about it for a minute, and slowly shake your head. The idea of being pounded with thousands of tiny droplets makes you want to hide under a blanket.
“Too much,” you murmur, and he nods in understanding.
“Ok, love, that’s fine. We do need to clean you off and deal with these cuts, though.” he gestures to the lacerations across your skin. You nod weakly. You hear him pad over to the refresher unit and grab a medkit and some washcloths, which he wets under some running water from the sink.
He kneels in front of you, and motions for you to take off your flight suit. You slip it halfway off, letting it rest around your waist. Poe sucked in a breath through his teeth as he saw the bruises blooming across your torso and arms. You’d gotten tossed around pretty bad, getting knocked through space by several of the TIEs. You’d slammed your sternum right into the dashboard at one point, and small fragments of something had slashed open nearly every bit of exposed skin and even some under your suit.
“Y/N…” he says quietly, tearing up. You bite the inside of your cheek, hating to see him so upset.
He gets to work cleaning your cuts. He’s as gentle as he can be, but you still hiss as the cold water on the washcloth cleans out your cuts, and tears start to fall as he bandages up a particularly bad cut on your stomach. He holds your hand the whole time, letting you squeeze his hand as hard as you need to, never even flinching as your vice grip tightens around his fingers.
“Ok, baby, let me check your legs and then you’re all set,” he says, and you turn away, face flushing with nervousness. He’s confused for a second, then has a moment of understanding. He’s never seen you naked - you weren’t ready to get intimate yet, so you guys had been taking it slow, and now really wasn’t the best time to breach that barrier. “You can change into the shorts first,” he says quietly, and you look back at him gratefully.
You make your way to the refresher unit, shutting the door behind you. You peel off your flight suit the rest of the way, followed by your undergarments, crusted with blood from the cuts on your stomach. You pile the discarded clothes in a pile by the shower, and slip on the shirt and shorts Poe had leant you. You take the opportunity to glance into the mirror above the sink, and grimace at the reflection that gazes back at you. Hair messy and tangled, face bruised and covered with small cuts, you were not a pretty sight to behold. Sighing, you head back into the main room.
Sitting back down on the bed, you lean against the wall and stretch your legs out in front of you. Poe sits down on the mattress next to you, surveying your exposed limbs. They aren’t as bad as the upper half of your body, but they definitely aren’t good. He dabs at the cuts gently, taking your hand again. He mutters sweet nothings as you clench your teeth and shut your eyes tightly for the next few minutes as he finishes up.
“All done,” he eventually says, and you relinquish your grip on his hand, wiping the tears from your eyes. He looks up at you, and you almost melt at the love in his eyes. You realize in that moment how lucky you are - that no matter what, he’ll always take care of you. Always.
“Thank you,” you say quietly, and he smiles softly, opening his arms. You crawl over to where he’s leaned against the headboard and collapse into his embrace, breathing beginning to even out.
“You need sleep, baby,” he says, and you nod. “You can stay here, if you want.” You nod again, and he presses a kiss to your hair. “I’ll grab some extra blankets from the closet.” He gets up and goes to retrieve them. You get under his comforter and lay your head down on one of the pillows. Your eyes drift closed.
Poe pads back over to the bed and pauses, looking down at you. He swallows thickly, tearing up. He makes a promise to himself then and there that he’d never lose you like that. Never again.
He lays another blanket over you, then switches off the lights. He quickly changes into some sleep clothes and then gets under the covers, laying down facing you.
“Poe?” you mumble, searching for his face in the dark.
“Right here, honey,” he says softly, and you inch closer to him, a bit nervous to get too close. He senses your unease and smiles softly. “Cmere,” he says, draping a hand over your waist and pulling you close to him. You tuck your head against his chest, a warm feeling creeping into your very core. Being this close to him is grounding. You take a deep breath in. The scent of the lavender soap he uses clings to his skin, and it washes over you. You listen to his breathing, feel the rise and fall of his chest.
“I love you,” you breathe, eyes widening as you realize what you just said. The two of you haven’t exactly said it before. You feel Poe freeze beside you, and your heart drops. You mentally kick yourself. How could you say that right now?
“I love you too,” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice. You blush furiously as he tilts your head up with his thumb and forefinger. “To the edge of the universe and back.” He presses his lips to yours, feather soft.
“I love you,” you say again, just because you can. He smiles softly.
“I’m proud of you, I want you to know that,” he says after a while. “For...getting through all this. I know it hurts, and it’ll stay that way for a bit, but…” he pauses, taking your hand in his. “But I’ll always be here if you need me. To talk, or just listen. You can lean on me, ok?”
“Ok,” you say quietly, looking up into his eyes.
“Ok,” he whispers.
“Ok.” You smile, and his heart flips at the beauty of it. He pulls you into his chest once more, and you’re out like a light almost instantly. He presses his lips to your forehead before drifting off, holding you tightly in his arms.
Please Don't Say you Love me
Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!Reader
Based on Please Don't Say you Love me by Gabrielle Aplin:
Just please don't say you love me, Cause I might not say it back, Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping When you look at me like that
Word count: 915
Warnings: slight angst (happy ending), mentions of past toxic relationships
A/N: it's like 4am this is probably riddled with typos sorry lol
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GIF from thestarwarsdaily
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad,” you say, laughing.
“No, it’s absolutely awful,” Poe says, chuckling as he tosses a grape into the air and catches it in his mouth. The two of you were discussing a drawing BB-8 had somehow sketched out with his little stylus of the three of you. “Look, I love the little guy to death, but I looked like Chewie.” You laugh loudly, tilting your head back. Poe’s heart skips a beat. He grins as he watches pure joy blossom on your face. You glance back at him, propping your head on the heel of your hand.
“Oh!” you say, sitting up quickly and twisting around. “I just remembered.” Your boyfriend raises an eyebrow as you reach into your bag behind you and pull out a small, paper-wrapped parcel. You bite your lip as you hand it to him, watching excitedly as he tears through the brown packaging.
“Oh. My. Gods,” he says quietly, surveying the small book. “You found it?”
“Sorta,” you say, grinning. “Technically, Finn found it. He was on that supply run last week and saw it - he remembered me talking about wanting to get it for you and bought it.” The volume was filled with old Yavini fairytales - ones Poe would murmur to you when you couldn’t sleep. You’d asked him where he’d learned them, and he’d told you about a (much older) copy of this book that Shara would read to him when he was younger. Ever since that night, it had been your mission to find it.
“You are…” he trails off, flipping through the delicate pages. “Amazing.” You blush as he looks up at you and takes your hand in his. You lean towards him, and he meets you halfway, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Your eyes meet as you break away, and a soft blush creeps into your cheeks as he looks at you with pure adoration. “I love you,” he says.
Your stomach drops, smile faltering.
“Oh-” you look down, panicked, and feel Poe tense.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just…” you trail off, not knowing what to say. Certainly not the words that just tumbled from Poe’s mouth - you don’t know how long it’s been since you said that. Since you’d had a reason to say it. “I can’t...I don’t…” Poe’s jaw clenches.
“Oh, I see,” he says. You can hear the hurt in his words, and it sends a jolt of guilt shooting through your chest.
“No, Poe, it’s not-”
“Forget it,” he says, standing up and walking away. Your resolve crumbles as his rigid form grows farther and farther from you, and hot tears spill from your eyes and trace down the bridge of your nose and the apples of your cheeks, falling onto the grass below you.
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“I just don’t get it,” Poe says, frustratedly rubbing his eyes with his left hand. Rey listens from where she sits at her desk. “We’ve been together for...gods, for nearly a year now, and…” he trails off, throat closing up. His friend glances up from the HoloFile she’s been reviewing, tilting her head slightly.
“And what?”
“They acted like I stuck them with a hot poker,” he murmurs. “Do they want to break up? Did I do something? I just don’t understand.” Rey sighs, closing her datapad and making her way across the room to stand in front of him.
“You know what happened with their last relationship, right?” she says quietly, and his head snaps up. She waves a hand dismissively. “Not like that,” she reassures, and the pilot relaxes. “They just...it was hard on them. You need to give them time.” Poe’s face falls. He had been awful to you. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain, just...walked away. He sighs, upset with himself.
“Thanks, Rey,” he says, headed for the door.
“Anytime,” the brunette says, returning to her work.
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Poe sees you sitting under the big tree by the pond once he makes his way outside, and walks over.
“Hey…” he says softly, and your head whips up. His chest grows tight as the slight shine on your face becomes evident. You’d been crying. And it was his fault. “Look, I’m sorry, baby, I-”
“No, Poe, I’m sorry, it's just-”
“You don’t have to explain, stardust,” he murmurs, sitting down next to you. He takes one of your hands in his. “It’s okay, really. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I think I just got caught up in the moment, and, well…” he motions vaguely. You nod, leaning your head on his shoulder.
“It’s just hard for me to say,” you murmur as he rests his head on top of yours. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t, it’s just - it’s hard.” You feel him nod in understanding.
“That’s okay, sweetheart. Is it...is it alright if I say it?” he asks hesitantly, and you smile.
“Yeah,” you say, lifting your head to look into his eyes. A mischievous grin breaks across your face. “Any chance for me to be told how great I am is warmly welcomed.” He rolls his eyes, playfully jabbing you in the side. You cackle, shoving him lightly.
“Well then,” Poe says, smiling at you warmly. “Y/N L/N, I love you.” You blush furiously, burying your face in his shoulder. He grins, pressing a kiss to your hair. He wraps his arms around you and smiles. “Very, very much.”
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taglist: @staarshines
Your Resistance
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader
*this a continuation of the fic Our Resistance by fanfiction_trashpile on ao3!!*
Summary: After Poe abruptly leaving to join the resistance, you end up on Jakku. Will you ever see him again?
(on my ao3)
Ch. 1 | Ch. 2
taglists (open!!):
permanent: @staarshines
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Never Have I Ever
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader
Word count: 2k
Warnings: none besides Rose and Finn being conspiratorial little shits
Summary: You've always been too nervous to tell Poe how you feel. A night out after the end of the war may change that.
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It feels surreal, to put it simply. It’s over. It’s finally over. For years, you’ve known nothing but chaos and panic and uncertainty. But now, you can leave all of it in the past. Palpatine’s gone. The war’s over.
Leaping from your x-wing, you spot Poe across the tarmac. He locks eyes with you, breaking into a huge, beaming grin. You sprint towards him, sporting an equally bright expression. He holds out his arms, and you leap into them. He spins around as you bury your face in his neck, laughing. He sets you down, placing his hands on your upper arms.
“We did it,” he breathes, and you nod in disbelief.
“We did it,” you repeat, still smiling. You’re about to compliment a particular barrel roll he’d pulled off earlier when Finn comes barreling over, wrapping him in a bear hug. You smile, walking away to grab some water and allow Poe some time with his friend.
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He watches your retreating form with a faint smile, content with the universe for the first time in years. Finn looks at him with a knowing expression and nudges him with his elbow. Poe snaps his head around, cheeks flushed.
“You should tell her,” he says, and Poe’s eyes widen.
“No way,” he replies, carding a hand through his hair. “What if I fuck everything up?” Finn rolls his eyes.
“Poe, I love you, but you’re the most oblivious man I’ve ever met.” This earns him a shocked expression from the older man, and he laughs. “Trust me. Just tell her.” Poe opens his mouth to object, but loses what he was going to say as Rey walks up and wraps him and Finn in a hug.
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You watch as the three embrace, smiling. You’re so proud of Poe your chest could burst. He’d handled that last battle with the grace and strategy you’ve seen in him time and time again. You hear footsteps headed your way and glance up, to find Rose standing next to you.
“Hey,” she says quietly, and you scooch to the left a bit to give her space to sit, patting the bench next to you. “It’s crazy, huh?”
“Yeah,” is all you can manage, but you can tell that she understands the magnitude of emotions contained in your reply. No words could encapsulate the feeling of joy and relief flowing through you.
“I heard Poe did some pretty amazing flying out there.”
You grin, nodding. “He really did. Per the usual, of course.” Smiling, she takes in the look of admiration on your face.
“You like him.” Not a question, just a statement. An observation. You look at her slowly and nod.
“I do,” you say, taking a sip of water from the canteen in your hand.
“He likes you, I think. From what Finn’s told me.” You splutter, choking on your drink.
“What?” you exclaim, face turning red as a tomato as you cough. She laughs loudly, and you shoot her a death glare. “If you’re pulling my leg I swear-”
“I’m not, I promise.”
Narrowing your eyes, you swallow another mouthful of water. “What exactly has Finn told you?”
“He’s caught Poe staring at you too many times to count, that damn idiot never shuts up about you, and once Rey saw him fiddling with his mom’s ring behind his back while talking to you,” she lists, ticking off the instances on her fingers.
“That doesn’t mean he likes me,” you point out, and Rose sighs. Ignoring her, you continue. “He could’ve just been spacing out, we’re friends, so he’s bound to talk about me, and he just has a thing about not being able to sit still. Those are just...normal Poe things.”
“What are?”
You whip your head around, to see him standing right behind you. Of course.
“Nothing,” you reply calmly, glowering at Rose as she tries to contain her laughter. “Just talking about that maneuver you did earlier. Very impressive.” He grins, clapping you on the shoulder.
“Thanks,” he laughs. “Anyways, we’re headed out to celebrate-” he gestures to Finn, Rey, and his squadron. “-would you guys wanna come?”
Rose nods excitedly, and you do the same. “Sounds awesome.”
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The music in the bar pounds in your ears. Normally, you hate crowded, public settings like this - they stress you out. However, you decide to make a special exception for tonight. After all, you just saved the fucking galaxy.
Poe, expectedly, makes a beeline for the bar with Jess. They order several rounds of shots and bring the drinks back to the table the rest of you are sitting at. He slides into his spot next to you, his thigh brushing against yours.
“Ok,” he says loudly, so your group can hear him over the clamor of the establishment. “Never have I ever - pretty simple,” he adds when Rey shoots him a look of confusion. “We’ll go around the table. Someone will say something. If you’ve done what they say, you take a shot. Snap, you go first.”
“Ok, uh, never have I ever gone on a supply run hungover,” he replies, grinning. Poe groans, taking a shot. You gasp as Finn does, too.
“No!” you say, aghast.
“It was one time!” he shouts in defense of himself, and Rey chuckles.
“He threw up within the hour,” Rose says, and you snicker. Finn kicks the mechanic under the table.
“Alright, settle down,” Jess says, clearing her throat. She shoots a pointed glance at Karé. “Never have I ever flirted with a superior officer to get a different assignment.” The woman sighs, pouring liquor into her mouth. Blushing, you do the same. Poe gapes at you.
“You’re kidding me.”
“It wasn’t here,” you admit. “Navy stuff.” Snap laughs as he recalls the event you’re talking about. “I was about to get assigned janitorial duty for the seventh week in a row, so I insinuated some very...” you pause, grinning. “inappropriate things to my commander. He put me on guard duty on the bridge instead.”
A strange feeling flares in Poe’s chest as you and the others laugh about how flustered the officer had gotten, and his knuckles turn white as he clenches the table. You discreetly nudge his leg with your knee.
“You okay?” you ask quietly, and any jealousy he’s feeling melts away as he takes in the concern in your eyes.
“Yeah,” he nods. You smile.
“Cool.”
“Okay, okay,” Karé laughs, shooting a death glare at Jess. “Rose. Your turn.” She smiles conspiratorily at Finn, who nods at her, before glancing at you briefly. You send a befuddled look towards Rey, who simply shakes her head, shrugging.
You have a bad feeling about this.
“Never have I ever…” she trails off, scratching her chin animatedly. “Had a crush on a close friend.”
Your stomach drops. Rose giggles as she feels you tense up beside her.
“Fuck you,” you say, throwing back a shot. A barrage of gasps sounds from your friends. “Oh, grow up,” you laugh, and Finn chuckles. You glare at him, and he raises his hands in surrender. Slowly, Poe leans forward, grabs a shot, and knocks it back. You barely constrain your shock.
“Oh my gods WHO?” Karé squeals, clapping her hands together.
“That’s not part of the game,” Poe quips, offering her a smug expression. She turns hopefully to you, and you laugh.
“No way,” you say, shaking your head. She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout, before letting her mouth fall open.
“Is it someone here?” she asks breathlessly. You clear your throat, face heating.
“I’m gonna go get some fresh air,” you murmur, slipping out of the booth. Karé and Jess boo loudly at your excuse, but you just flip them off as you head outside.
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A light breeze tangles its fingers in your hair and tugs at your shirt, small ripples moving along the fabric. You take a seat on a nearby bench, bringing your legs up and crossing them over each other. Fiddling with a loose thread on your sleeve, you glance upwards. The sky above is littered with small pinpricks of light, twinkling back at you.
A creaking noise sounds to your right, and you look back, to see the door to the bar open. You watch as Poe walks through it, puffing his top lip out and shoving his hands in his pockets. He glances in your direction. You offer him a small wave, which he returns, making his way over to where you sit.
“May I?” he asks, and you nod, turning your gaze upwards once more. He does the same, laying an arm across the back of the bench.
“I wonder how many of those we’ve flown by,” he wonders aloud, motioning to the countless stars and planets above you.
“Probably lots. We really went all over, huh?” He smiles, nodding. You stand, walking to the gate in front of the bar and leaning on it. Poe follows suit, bracing his forearms behind him as he leans back.
“Look, it’s stupid of me to ask, and you don’t have to answer, but...who was it?” You turn your head toward him, puzzled. He nods to the bar. “The game. That last question.” You scoot closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. The familiar gesture makes him smile.
“Eh, you don’t wanna know,” you say, and he chuckles.
“Oh, but I do.” You laugh. There’s a moment of silence (not uncomfortable - it never is with Poe) as you figure out how to word your next statement.
“It’s a bit complicated,” you admit, and he turns his head to look down at you.
“Oh?”
“I really like this person, but I also love how close I am with them right now. I’m worried that if they know, that…” you trail off, worried that voicing your concerns will bring them to fruition.
“That everything will change,” Poe finishes quietly. You swallow nervously. “That you could lose them, and you don’t know-” he takes a deep breath “-you don’t know what you would do if that happened.” You turn to face him as he leans up to stand straight, heart pounding in your chest so loud you swear he can hear it. His eyes flit down to your lips momentarily, and your breath hitches.
“Poe,” you say, barely above a whisper. His eyes lock onto yours, and you bite the inside of your cheek.
You open your mouth to continue, but your words die in your throat as he takes your face in his hands. Your whole body goes rigid, and he notices, starting to pull away. Panicking, you place your hands over his, silently reassuring him that it’s ok. He smiles softly, and your cheeks warm.
“Can I kiss you?” he murmurs, and you nod, heart racing. He brings his mouth down to yours tentatively, nose brushing against yours. You smile against his lips, bringing a hand up and burying it in his curls. He fits his hands to your waist, thumb gently brushing over your side. His lips taste like the tequila you’d both taken shots of in the bar, and it’s sweet on your tongue, reminding you of the nectar from the sapflowers back home on Naboo.
The two of you break apart, hot breaths mingling in the small space between you.
“You have no idea,” he murmurs, smile as bright as a thousand suns, “how long I’ve wanted to do that.” His grin widens as you grow flustered, mouth twisting into a small smile.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” you say, eyebrows furrowing together. “I didn’t want to mess everything up, and there just wasn’t a good-”
“Hey,” he says gently, taking your hand. “It’s ok, you have nothing to be sorry for.” You smile.
“I really like you,” you say, and he laughs warmly, bringing a hand to your cheek.
“I really like you, too,” he responds, and you lean into the touch. “We should probably head back in, or they’re gonna think we abandoned ship.”
“Sounds like a plan,” you say.
Nobody says anything if they notice how you and Poe hold hands for the rest of the night, sitting closer than you usually do, talking only to each other.
It seems natural, if anything. Like it’s always been that way. Like it’s how it should be.
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taglists (open):
permanent: @staarshines
Before You Leave
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader
Prompt: "unrequited love, in which i just poured my heart out to you, telling you i love you and you said that you don’t feel the same way, and then you leave, and i’m standing here, not sure what to do, i can’t even cry that’s how shocked and heartbroken i am"
Word Count: 812
Warnings: i cried while writing this so take that as you will
a/n: it's 5 am and i refuse to beta read this so it could be hot trash we'll see
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You weave your way through the massive crowd bustling through the hangar to your friends, sidestepping BB-8 as you approach Poe.
“Hey, can we talk?” you ask, gently placing your hand on his forearm. “Before you leave?”
“Yeah, of course,” he says, following you out of the expansive space, through a few passageways, and into your quarters. The two of you dodge frantic runway techs and pilots on your way - the main hallway is rather busy, people running back and forth helping to prepare the Falcon. After all, this was the mission. The be-all-end-all.
“I’m not sure what’s going to happen when you leave,” you start as you cross the threshold into your room, picking up a sweater from your bed and pulling it on to have something, anything to do with your hands. He nods, understanding the massive collection of anxious feelings that were most likely trying to find their ways into your mind. He always felt the same way before you left - panic about if you’d return, then the numbness that would set if you were even an hour late returning. “And I just needed to tell you something - to prepare for the worst happening.” Your hands are trembling at this point, and he takes them in his, concerned.
“Is everything ok?” he asks, brows knitting together with concern. You smile tightly at him, nodding.
“Yeah, I just- I’ve been thinking a lot about being honest with people lately - you know, what with the large probability that we could, well, die soon,” you say, clearing your throat nervously, and he nods. “And there’s something that I haven’t been very honest with you about.” Your heart races, thumping against your ribcage so hard you swear he can hear it. If someone had given you a cup of water to hold right now, it would be sloshing all over the floor. “I love you,” you blurt out, not knowing how else to say it other than quickly, without allowing any chance for interruption. You glance up at him, relief bursting in your chest as he smiles.
“I love you too, Y/N,” he says warmly. “You mean so much to me. So much.” You smile, thanking every god you can think of. “But you tell me that all the time - was there something else?” he asks, confused.
You kick yourself inwardly. Of course.
“No, I know that we say that a lot, like we care about each other, but I love you, Poe. I’m in love with you.” Knowing that if you stop now, you’ll probably never speak again, you continue on, hands still shaking like a leaf. “I love how passionate you are about flying, and how you always check on me if you know that I’ve had a bad day, and I love the way you always wake me up early to watch the sunset with you, and I just didn’t want to let you leave without telling you. Because I feel like you might feel the same way, and I’m not letting myself lose that. Not now. Not with you.” You look back up at him hopefully, a smile daring to tilt your lips upward.
Your stomach drops as you take in the look of bewilderment on his face.
“Are you sure?” he asks, pulling his hands from yours. You swallow thickly, nodding. “I don’t know what to say, Y/N, I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel the same way. I love you as a friend, but nothing more. I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” you say, face heating with shame. How could you be so stupid? “That’s ok,” you say, tucking your hands to your sides as a knot ties in your stomach. “I’m sorry,” you murmur, looking down at the floor. The shining tile reflects your fallen face back at you. Mockery at its finest.
“It’s fine,” he responds, his harsh tone slapping you across the face and leaving you breathless, a sharp pain taking root in your chest. Motioning to the door, he says, “I need to go.”
“Please comm me as soon as you get somewhere safe,” you call out after him, but you look up to find that he’s already left.
You aren’t sure how long you stand there, but by the time you draw on enough resolve to leave your quarters, Poe is long gone, taking any hope of reconciliation with him.
You want the tears to come, but they refuse to surface. It would be easier if you could be mad, find some fiber of your being that resents him now. But you can’t - how could you? Poe was good. Caring, kind, considerate beyond belief. Loyal.
Beautiful.
Shivering, you wrap your sweater tighter around yourself and walk to the door. You can't bear to talk to anyone right now.
As you close your door, you feel another one shut hundreds of parsecs away.
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taglists:
permanent: @staarshines
poe: @zoriis @obiwns
A Wrench In the Gears
Pairing: Poe Dameron & Lesbian!Best friend!reader, background Rose Tico x reader (mentioned)
Summary: You've been wanting to tell Poe something for a while, and you finally get the courage to do it.
aka reader comes out to poe and he's the best friend ever
Word Count: 826
Warnings: Brief mentions of homophobia
A/N: I'm back!! tysm for being patient! decided to write this bc there's like zero fics like this for poe and my lesbian ass is TIRED anyways ily mwah happy reading
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----------
You shove your hands into your pockets, doing your best to quell your nerves. Shit like this is never easy, but you want to do it. You really do.
It’s just hard.
Today was quiet. Fixing up Black One with Poe in the hangar while the two of you waited for the other half of your friends - Rey and Finn - to come back from a supply run had been a nice reprieve from how hectic life on base has been recently. Everything had been going smoothly until Rose had come over to offer her help and you’d, well, panicked. Let’s just say you dropped a not-so-light wrench on your foot and had to go to med bay.
Poe had been on your ass for the rest of the day, making you rest and pestering you about what had happened. You simply brushed him off throughout the course of his multiple attempts, laughing off his questions with a nervous heat in your cheeks and then dashing off with some excuse or the other.
Needless to say, your best friend didn’t take kindly to being ignored. You’d gone to ask him for the name of a ship part to put on an order list and he’d taken your datapad from you, scribbled it down, then stalked off, leaving you feeling guilty and upset with yourself.
He’d avoided you the rest of the day.
Standing outside of his quarters now, you take a deep breath. Your nerves make your stomach churn, and you try not to turn on your heel and bolt in the opposite direction.
Finally, you drum up the courage to knock, using the pattern the two of you had established to signify if one of you needed something important.
There’s a long moment of quiet before you hear a faint “Come in”.
Poe’s sitting at his desk, fiddling with a flap of metal and some bolts, tools littered across the flat expanse below his hands.
“Hey,” you say quietly, flinching slightly as his cold gaze meets your wary one. Sitting down on his bed, you kick off your shoes and then curl your feet under you. “Can we talk? About today?”
Poe takes a moment to think, before nodding reluctantly and setting down the scraps. He turns his chair around to face you, then sits back down.
“Sure. I’ll start. What the hell?”
“I’m sorry,” you say quickly, pulling one of his extra blankets into your lap, threading your fingers in between the gaps between the strands of yarn. “I, uh…” trailing off, you guiltily meet his eyes, sighing. He raises his eyebrows, the coldness in his features slowly melting as he realizes there’s something troubling you.
“Is everything ok?” he asks, standing up and walking across the room to stand in front of you. He crouches down so he’s at your eye level, taking one of your hands.
“Yeah,” you say, nodding. “Well, sort of? I just need to explain why I acted the way I did. This is gonna be a lot easier for me if you just let me finish and don’t interrupt, ok? Just...yeah.”
“Sure,” he says, squeezing your hand. You offer him a weak smile.
“So, I hurt my foot because I dropped that tool on it.” Poe nods, remembering. “It was because Rose came over. It caught me a bit off guard, because, well…” Tears begin welling up in your eyes as your anxiety gets the better of you. “I may or may not have feelings for her. I have for a while. I don’t...I like women. Not men. And I didn’t know how you would feel about it, and I’m sorry for not telling you, but I just wasn’t- I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. But yeah, I guess that’s it. I’m sorry.”
You’re shocked to find Poe smiling at you when you finally meet his gaze again.
“You aren’t...upset?” you ask, confused. Poe looks taken aback.
“Of course not. Who you love doesn’t change anything about how I think about you. You’re still you. Hell, you’re more you. I love you so much, nothing could ever change that, ok?” he says, and you start crying in earnest. He panics, eyes widening. “Shit, did I say something wrong, I’m so s-”
“No, Poe, I just- I’m relieved,” you choke out, smiling tearfully at him.
“Aw, c’mere,” he says, sitting down next to you and opening his arms. You bury your face in his neck, and he wraps you in a tight hug, rubbing comforting circles on your back for as long as it takes for you to calm down.
“You’re a really good friend,” you say as you pull away after several minutes, smiling at him. He does a happy little shoulder dance.
“Duh.”
“It’s no fun if you agree with the compliment,” you groan, punching his shoulder playfully.
“It’s fun for me,” he points out, giving you a shit-eating grin.
“Fuck you.”
“Love you too.”
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tags: @staarshines @bucky-j-barnes @beydameron @obiwns
* if your @ isn't underlined/highlighted, i can't tag you *
Daisies
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader (Hanahaki!au)
Warnings: Blood, Somewhat graphic description of death, probably a shit ton of typos bc it's 3 am and I'm not ab to proofread this
Summary: You're so in love with Poe Dameron it's killing you. Literally.
A/N: this is half vent piece, half i've-wanted-to-write-this-for-a-while. also i changed how the disease "works" just a little bit for plot purposes.

You used to like daisies. That was before you were staring them down every few hours, leaned over the sink, blood dripping from your cracked lips.
You used to like Poe Dameron. That was before he started killing you.
Then again, you guess you still did. That’s why you were in this situation, after all.
At first, you’d ignored the signs of what you’d hoped wasn’t love - swallowed your words, caught the butterflies in a net and tossed them outside.
But it was getting harder and harder to do so.
You didn’t have much longer. You could tell.
Leia could too.
She’d first approached you after you’d run out of a meeting to hurl up seeds and blooms, waiting outside your quarters for you with a painful expression of pity and concern written across her face. You wish she’d erased it and just let you be.
But she wouldn’t - how could she? You were dying, right in front of her, refusing to take the help she offered.
To be fair, the help she was telling you to seek out would ruin you just the same as the thorns scratching at your lungs.
Getting that surgery and forgetting him would suffocate you more than any vines wrapped around your esophagus could.
You couldn’t do it. You knew you should. After all, this whole mess was your fault anyways. Catching feelings for your best friend wasn’t anyone else's fuck up but yours.
But you didn't think you’d be able to live with yourself if you let someone take the flowers out, and with them, any trace of Poe. The real problem is that you wouldn’t technically be living with yourself. Not anymore. You weren’t really yourself without him. That was what terrified you, what ate you up with guilt.
Because you knew he felt the same way.
Well, not the same way. But you knew that he relied on you, leaned on you.
And soon enough, he’d fall over. Because you'd be gone.
It was killing you. In more ways than one.
“Please, Lieutenant, just think about it,” the General pleads with you as the two of you walk to a debriefing meeting.
“I’ve thought about it,” you respond truthfully. You had. Still do. All the time. “I don’t like it.”
You go to enter the conference room, but her firm grip on your upper arm stops you. Hissing in pain, you whirl around, your angry expression fading as you meet her eyes. Were those tears?
“How do you think I like watching you wither away?”
You smile sadly at the irony of the sentence. It quickly fades as you process what she said. You truly hadn’t considered what this must look like to her. She must think you stubborn, too prideful to ask for help. Brash and inconsiderate.
“Don’t do that,” she says, tapping a finger to your forehead. “I don’t, and you know that. But I can’t say I understand why you won’t do it.”
“I just…” you trail off, silencing your thoughts as a group of runway techs pass by. Once they’ve cleared your vicinity, you continue, “It’s the same either way.”
“How so?” She isn’t mocking you. She’s asking, genuinely. Somehow, that’s worse.
“I die either way. Or at least, a part of me does. If I don’t get the surgery, I get more time with him - maybe a few months? It’ll still be me. If I...if I do get it, it won’t be me. Not really. It takes away all memories of him. I’ve known him for too long. I’ll be a completely different person, and the worst part is that I won’t even know.” you pause, eyes growing misty. “And neither will he. He won’t understand why I’m suddenly introducing myself to him like a new acquaintance.”
Leia’s eyes soften in understanding. “I see.” She pauses, taking your hand and covering it with her other one. “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but-”
“Technically, you can. You outrank me. You outrank everyone.”
“Like you’ve ever really listened to anything I’ve said,” she quips, her words tugging the corners of your mouth upward slightly. “But I think you should reconsider. Or, you know…” she gestures vaguely, and a knot ties itself in your stomach.
“I can’t do that. He’s…” you pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing. “If he outright says he doesn’t, I’ll collapse right there. I can’t let him see that.”
Leia’s heart hurts for you. You shouldn’t be dealing with this. Not as young as you are. Not as bright as your future was.
She doesn’t say anything else, just nods in concession and follows you inside. She notes how Poe hopefully looks at you, and how you purposefully avoid his eyes. The upset on his face is clear as glass.
It happened on a Tuesday.
You’d collapsed in your quarters, drowning as one of the thorns punctured a lung and it filled with blood.
Poe found you.
You wish he hadn’t. It would’ve been easier.
But things never really did go your way, did they?

tags: @bucky-j-barnes @beydameron @staarshines
Daisies
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader (Hanahaki!au)
Warnings: Blood, Somewhat graphic description of death, probably a shit ton of typos bc it's 3 am and I'm not ab to proofread this
Summary: You're so in love with Poe Dameron it's killing you. Literally.
A/N: this is half vent piece, half i've-wanted-to-write-this-for-a-while. also i changed how the disease "works" just a little bit for plot purposes.

You used to like daisies. That was before you were staring them down every few hours, hunched over the toilet, blood dripping from your cracked lips.
You used to like Poe Dameron. That was before he started killing you.
Then again, you guess you still did. That’s why you were in this situation, after all.
At first, you’d ignored the signs of what you’d hoped wasn’t love - swallowed your words, caught the butterflies in a net and tossed them outside.
But it was getting harder and harder to do so.
You didn’t have much longer. You could tell.
Leia could too.
She’d first approached you after you’d run out of a meeting to hurl up seeds and blooms, waiting outside your quarters for you with a painful expression of pity and concert written across her face. You wish she’d erased it and let you be.
But she wouldn’t - how could she? You were dying, right in front of her, refusing to take the help she offered.
To be fair, the help she was telling you to seek out would ruin you just the same as the thorns scratching at your lungs.
Getting that surgery and forgetting him would suffocate you more than any vines wrapped around your esophagus could.
You couldn’t do it. You knew you should. After all, this whole mess was your fault anyways. Catching feelings for your best friend wasn’t anyone else's fuck up but yours.
But you didn't think you’d be able to live with yourself if you let someone take the flowers out, and with them, any trace of Poe. The real problem is that you wouldn’t technically be living with yourself. Not anymore. You weren’t really yourself without him. That was what terrified you, what ate you up with guilt.
Because you knew he felt the same way.
Well, not the same way. But you knew that he relied on you, leaned on you.
And soon enough, he’d fall over. Because you'd be gone.
It was killing you. In more ways than one.
“Please, Lieutenant, just think about it,” the General pleads with you as the two of you walk to a debriefing meeting.
“I’ve thought about it,” you respond truthfully. You had. Still do. All the time. “I don’t like it.”
You go to enter the conference room, but her firm grip on your upper arm stops you. Hissing in pain, you whirl around, your angry expression fading as you meet her eyes. Were those tears?
“How do you think I like watching you wither away?”
You smile sadly at the irony of the sentence. It quickly fades as you process what she said. You truly hadn’t considered what this must look like to her. She must think you stubborn, too prideful to ask for help. Brash and inconsiderate.
“Don’t do that,” she says, tapping a finger to your forehead. “I don’t, and you know that. But I can’t say I understand why you won’t do it.”
“I just…” you trail off, silencing your thoughts as a group of runway techs pass by. Once they’ve cleared your vicinity, you continue, “It’s the same either way.”
“How so?” She isn’t mocking you. She’s asking, genuinely. Somehow, that’s worse.
“I die either way. Or at least, a part of me does. If I don’t get the surgery, I get more time with him - maybe a few months? It’ll still be me. If I...if I do get it, it won’t be me. Not really. It takes away all memories of him. I’ve known him for too long. I’ll be a completely different person, and the worst part is that I won’t even know.” you pause, eyes growing misty. “And neither will he. He won’t understand why I’m suddenly introducing myself to him like a new acquaintance.”
Leia’s eyes soften in understanding. “I see.” She pauses, taking your hand and covering it with her other one. “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but-”
“Technically, you can. You outrank me. You outrank everyone.”
“Like you’ve ever really listened to anything I’ve said,” she quips, her words tugging the corners of your mouth upward slightly. “But I think you should reconsider. Or, you know…” she gestures vaguely, and a knot ties itself in your stomach.
“I can’t do that. He’s…” you pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing. “If he outright says he doesn’t, I’ll collapse right there. I can’t let him see that.”
Leia’s heart hurts for you. You shouldn’t be dealing with this. Not as young as you are. Not as bright as your future was.
She doesn’t say anything else, just nods in concession and follows you inside. She notes how Poe hopefully looks at you, and how you purposefully avoid his eyes. The upset on his face is clear as glass.
It happened on a Tuesday.
You’d collapsed in your quarters, drowning as one of the thorns punctured a lung and it filled with blood.
Poe found you.
You wish he hadn’t. It would’ve been easier.
But things never really did go your way, did they?

tags: @bucky-j-barnes @beydameron @staarshines