Star Wars Angst - Tumblr Posts

the feeling when I finish Star Wars rebels on rebels remeberance day is insane to me

god I’m gonna cry why was it so good

Febuwhump day 1! Touch starved

Fandom: Star Wars

Time: A few years after Order 66

  Obi-wan Kenobi had been alone for a long time. He misses many things. Many things. These feelings often came in waves, sometimes all at once. Missing his family, his life, his happiness. The feelings both mental and physical were the things he craved but understood he could never have again. 

Obi-wan glanced at the window. He noted the shades of orange he loved so much. They reminded him of his commander, his lover, his Cody. Of course he didn't really know if he could or should still call him that. However Obi-wan chose to believe that Cody had his reasons to do as he did, to try to kill him with no known reason to him.

    Walking outside Obi-wan would watch the sunset. The warmth reminded him of the warmth he felt from long embraces. But of course the sun would set and long hugs would end.

    Walking back inside Obi-wan closed the door with a sigh. He walked a very short distance to his bed and laid down. The thoughts of his former lover stayed with him. He began to think how he missed being greeted with short hugs and soft kisses when entering a room that the two were alone in, how cuddles after long, cold missions felt, the warmth of being so close together and feeling so safe with each other. He found himself missing the warm feeling of fingers running over scars.

    Of course the thoughts of Cody couldn't stay loving for long. Obi-wan was reminded of the order. This would remind him of the jedi. the Jedi he had been friends with.

    There was Plo Koon, a very gentle and sweet man who treated everyone kindly. He remembered Plo giving him a long and caring hug after Qui-gon had died. He could swear Plo gave some of the best hugs in the galaxy.

    Qui-gon. Qui-gon knew exactly what to do in most many scenario. When Obi-wan was stressed Qui-gon would rest his hand gently on his shoulder and reassure him everything would be alright. Now Obi-wan just wished for any reassurance at all.

    Qui-gon would spiral into thoughts of Anakin, his brother. Anakin was always a very touchy person. He constantly would poke at Obi-wan when he needed something or simply wanted his master's attention. Anakin's hugs had always been something he looked forward to. Anakin liked giving people physical affection. Obi-wan suspected that it was from never receiving much when he was younger.

    With thoughts of Anakin came thoughts of Ahsoka, Rex, Padme, and the twins.

    Obi-wan sat up trying to shake the thoughts of his past family but he knew he wouldn't be able to. Standing up he walked towards the door. He opened the door and as the somewhat chilly air hit him the thoughts went to the back of his mind. He didn't need to think of the people he knew and loved. The people who rather betrayed him or died. 

    Being outside didn't help for very long as the thoughts creeped back in. Ahsoka had also enjoyed Physical affection. She liked piggy back rides and often got them from Anakin and Rex. Of course Obi-wan had given her a few over the years. Ahsoka was a very kind soul, one who was done so wrong by the times and by the jedi. He hoped she was still out there somewhere, wishing to see her again, to give her one last piggy back ride or to have one last hug but he understood it simply wasn't possible.

    Obi-wan knew he needed sleep. Trying to stay outside and brush off the thoughts of loved ones simply wouldn't work. Walking back inside he thought of old friends now all gone. Closing the door he walked back towards the bed, laying down again. He grabbed his own hand and held it. It didn't help much but it was something and right now he needed anything. Well he needed his family, his friends but he couldn't have those. Not anymore.

    Tears began to run down his face as he curled himself into a ball. He wished he had someone who could be there to comfort him. But no one would come. The only thing that would come would be the suns in the morning telling him it was time to leave. Maybe just maybe his thoughts would leave with the night.

Febuwhump Day 25: Assumed Dead

Fandom: Star Wars

Timeline: The Clone Wars

Dooku's crimson lightsaber plunged through Rex's lower back. Anakin turned around. Obi-wan had told them to leave, he would take care of Dooku. Apparently he lied. "Rex!" Anakin yelled. The clones body fell to the ground.

    Anger flooded Anakin's heart. From his heart the grief used his veins to spread to the rest of his body. It took control of him and suddenly he was running to fight the sith. Lightsabers clashed as the Jedi pushed Dooku away from Rex.

    Rex couldn't move. He knew what happened; he could tell that Anakin thought that the injury had killed him. The pain made his somewhat wish it had. All the commander could do was hope that someone would notice.

    "Anger is not the Jedi way Skywalker." Lightsabers clashed again.

    "Shut up."

    Obi-wan pulled himself from the floor. Dooku had slammed him against the wall with the force. He had lost consciousness for, to him, an unknown amount of time. He quickly walked to where the current fight was taking place. His eyes landed on Anakin and Dooku first then to the injured soldier.

    Anakin fought dangerously. Swift, anger-filled movements took Dooku slightly by surprise. However what Anakin didn't realize was he fought much better without the guidance of anger.

    Obi-wan moved to join his brother in the fight against his grandfather. Fighting Dokku could be difficult sometimes but in the end it had to be done.

    Rex still couldn't move. The men were unaware that his heart still beat and that his lungs still heaved air in and out. If they didn't come to the concussion soon they would be correct. Rex wasn't sure what hurt more the wound or his general's reaction. He wasn't aware Anakin cared so much for him. The feeling was both comforting and eerie .

    Before long the Jedi had to retreat. Anakin looked over to his master with a question in his eyes. Obi-wan nodded understanding the words reflected in his eyes. Leaving the fight, Anakin kneeled down beside Rex and picked him up. "I'm so sorry Rex. I'm sorry." He whispered.

    Obi-wan ran after Anakin and the three entered the nearby Republic star ship. On the ship Anakin carried Rex to the medical bay. There the droids would take him to the morgue.

    Obi-wan stayed with Anakin until Rex was rested on the cold medical table. There Obi-wan studied Rex's body to see if he had sustained any other injuries. Found memories of the man flooded his mind.

    "Obi-wan, go lay down." Anakin turned to face him.

    "Alright." He nodded and walked a little closer to the table. "Rest eas- Anakin he's not dead." As soon as Obi-wan pointed to the slow rise and fall of Rex's chest, Anakin called over a medical droid. None of the droids had come over to assist the three because Rex had been proclaimed dead and there were living soldiers who needed their help.

    The droids would start to work on Rex almost immediately. Anakin helped Obi-wan over to a bed. There after the older of the two were taken care of they would wait for updates on everyone's conditions. When they finally got the news Rex would be fine both somewhat relaxed. Of course the two cared for all of their men but both were rather close to Rex.

    When the soldier woke up he was greeted by his friends. Everything would be fine. Not many people could say they survived a sith encounter. At least Rex could.

A Month of Whump Day 7: Angst

Fandom: Star Wars The Bad Batch

Summary: Echo's with the Domino squad and with the Bad Batch.

    Echo looked around the Marauder. Wrecker, Cutup, and Fives sat together. They got along well. The three loved jokes and making people smile. They were loveable idiots.

    Hunter told stories of the batch's missions to Droidbait. He seemed entertained. Every now and again Tech would add some unnecessary detail. Typically the detail was rather laughed about or there would be an awkward silence.

    Crosshair tolerated Hevy. Secretly Echo thought the two were friends rather Cross would say so or not. The nine would sit together in the mess hall on Kamino. They smiled and talked most of the time. Of course the regs hated all of them so it was something they could all bond over.

    Going back to the barracks the group finally split. Echo layied down on his bed and told the batch goodnight. He fell asleep happily.

    Then Hunter woke him up and reality hit him like a brick. There was no Tapioca city, there was no Domino squad, and Crosshair was probably in a similar situation he had been in. The Republic was dead and so we're the jedi. The three he had been close to were young and so was the senator.

The war had been over for over a year now. All he had left was the batch and the men he now fought beside to save the others.

    "What Hunter?" Echo asked.

    "It's time to go." Hunter walked away to wake up the others.

    Echo sat up and not long after they landed. The Five walked off the ship unsure what was next for them. All they knew was that Crosshair was inside. Echo knew he couldn't have his dream world but maybe he could get closer. Just maybe they could all be a happy family again.

But I’m Here In Your Doorway

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Based on these lines from this is me trying: 

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

Word count: ~2.6k

Warnings: mentions of and encounter with possible suicide, injuries (blood, bruises, etc), mention of (previous) deaths

Summary: reader loses everything. after she nearly makes an irreversible decision, she goes to Poe for help. 

GIF not mine

The screams of your squadron members bounce around in your head. It was your fault, you knew that. You shouldn’t have set off without checking your ship. Without checking for any trackers. So it wasn’t a surprise when, out of nowhere, a group of TIEs burst out of hyperspace, straight into your fleet like pins being knocked over by 30 flying bowling balls. You had watched, helplessly, as your friends - your family - were picked off one-by-one. As they went up into terrifyingly bright balls of gas and flame and smoke. It was your fault. All your fault. 

Part of you was trying to cling onto the notion that you couldn’t have known, how could you have known? But the majority of your mind beat back those thoughts, letting the sickening guilt take over and push you into a dark corner. Debriefing had been a nightmare. General Organa had, of course, told you that it wasn’t your fault, that it was nobody’s fault but the spy she hadn’t discovered in time. She could sense the weight on your shoulders, sense you falling into a pit inside of yourself. 

After the meeting, she had pulled you aside.

“Y/N. I need you to look at me,” she said, turning your head gently but firmly with her right hand. “It isn’t your fault. You did everything you could. Sometimes, things are just out of our control.”

“I know,” you lied, just wanting this conversation to be over. Leia could sense your apprehension, and sighed.

“Look, I know that nothing I say is going to change how you feel, because I’ve been there, and I know what you’re thinking. I know it’s hard. Trust me.” you look down at the floor, scuffing the tip of your boot across the dusty ground. “It will get better. I promise you.”

“Thanks, general.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Leia?” she asks lightly as you turn to walk away.

“A few more, apparently,” you respond, the ghost of a false smile resting over your face. With that, you turn on your heel and head to your quarters. 

You step through the door as it slides open and sit down on your bed. You reach for your datapad, wanting to distract yourself with something. 

You click the screen on, and your heart drops. Staring back at you are the smiling faces of your squadron. You’re all clustered around Mari’s new droid, with hands on its shiny purple head. She had been so happy to get that little guy. 

Now they were both nothing more than dust drifting through the empty expanse of space.

 You hurl the tablet at the wall, watching as the screen shatters and falls to the floor. 

You place your head in your hands, silent sobs racking your body. You clench your hair in your hands, knuckles turning white. You stand up, body shaking, and walk out of your quarters.

You pass Finn in the hallway. He smiles at you, but you can’t bring yourself to do the same. You feel awful as he looks back at you as you pass him, but at this point there’s no use trying to fix it. You trudge outside and up to your x-wing sitting on the tarmac, the edges of the wings blackened from smoke. You glance around, checking the coast is clear, then scurry up the ladder and into the cockpit. You check the time. 

1800. 

Sighing, you boot up your craft and quickly take off. You cruise over the base a few times, watching everyone go about their day. Like nothing happened. Like 10 of the most beautiful, vibrant souls hadn’t just been snuffed like a match. You swallow the knot in your throat and head for the atmosphere. You need to get away from here. 

-

“General Organa!” Leia turns, to see a frenzied runway tech sprinting towards her. “Y/N took off on an unauthorized flight.” 

Leia swallows thickly, her heart dropping. “How long ago?”

“We noticed she was left just now - but it looks like she’s been gone about an hour.” 

“Then there’s nothing we can do but hope she comes back safely.”

“That’s what I was worried about.”

-

You land on a nearby forest planet, after searching for about ten minutes for a place to touch down. You pick a plateau on the Western side, lowering your land gear as you begin to descend. You hop down from your ship onto the grassy earth, and look around. 

It’s quiet up here. There’s a soft wind blowing, and it weaves delicate fingers through your hair and across your face as you take off your helmet. You let it fall to the ground, and decide to walk around for a bit. You make your way to the edge of the plateau, and look out across the forest beyond. It stretches on for miles, a swath of dark green. The last rays of the sun blaze across the sky, painting the clouds with a pink-orange hue. 

You glance down, and your heart drops to your toes. It’s a long way to the ground below. You begin to back up, but for some reason you find yourself stopping. You get closer to the edge, still looking down. It would be so easy to just take another step. Just one more. All of this would be over. You wouldn’t have to feel this guilt anymore. 

Your knee lifts up slowly.

Realizing what you’re about to do, you scramble back, falling to the dirt. You brace your hands on the ground, digging your fingers into the earth to anchor yourself. Your chest heaves, and your vision spins. The ground seems to buckle, to toss you around. The sky bends and arches above you as you struggle to breathe. You roll over onto your stomach and wrap your arms around your knees. 

You don’t know how long you lie there, but by the time you have the courage to stand up and walk again, the moon is floating in the sky above you, and the stars glimmer against a black backdrop. 

You climb back into your x-wing and sit there, staring at your dashboard. Your eyes meet one of the few pictures leaned against the fuel gague. You and Poe lean against his x-wing a few months ago. You have your arms wrapped around each other. He’s kissing your cheek, and you’re laughing, open-mouthed, your nose scrunched up and your eyes shut tight. 

You take a shuddering breath. Poe. You couldn’t believe what you’d almost done - what you still might do, if you don’t get out of here. You couldn’t leave him like that. You rapidly go through your flight checklist and then take off, headed back to base. 

You land on the tarmac around 0200, exhausted and beaten down by your own thoughts. You hop out of your ship, landing on the ground with a thud. 

You start walking, not really knowing where your legs are taking you, but you end up at Poe’s quarters. You can hear movement inside the room. You raise a trembling hand and knock once.

He opens the door, and his eyes widen. His mouth moves silently, searching for words.

You swallow thickly, a nervous knot tying in your stomach. 

He takes a step toward you, not quite believing what he’s seeing. Leia had told him that you’d left suddenly after their meeting, and he had grown worried that you were hurt, or worse. But here you are, standing in front of him. Your form is limp and you’re drawn into yourself. Your face and neck are caked with blood and dirt, and your eyes are clouded and empty. 

“Hi,” you say weakly. He quickly closes the gap between the both of you, wrapping you in a tight embrace. Your arms hang limp beside you.

“Stardust,” he breathes, holding you tightly. “I was so worried.”

Tears prick the corners of your eyes, falling down your face and onto Poe’s shoulder. He pulls back, concerned. Cradling your face in his hands, his eyebrows crease with worry. 

He looks down at you, stroking your cheek gently with his thumb. There’s a silent question written across his features. You shake your head tearfully. You don’t know what to say. 

“Baby…” he whispers, pulling you close to his chest again. You clutch at the back of his shirt with shaking hands.“I’m here now - you’re safe. You’re ok, you’re ok, you’re ok.” He repeats those two words over and over like a mantra, equally to himself as to you. “Let’s get you inside, ok?” he says, and you nod. Placing a hand on the small of your back, he guides you into his quarters. 

“I’ll grab some clothes for you,” he says as you sit down on the edge of the bed. He rustles through his drawers, eventually coming up with a long-sleeved olive green shirt and a pair of grey boxer shorts. He sets them on the bed next to you. “Are you good to take a shower?” You think about it for a minute, and slowly shake your head. The idea of being pounded with thousands of tiny droplets makes you want to hide under a blanket. 

“Too much,” you murmur, and he nods in understanding. 

“Ok, love, that’s fine. We do need to clean you off and deal with these cuts, though.” he gestures to the lacerations across your skin. You nod weakly. You hear him pad over to the refresher unit and grab a medkit and some washcloths, which he wets under some running water from the sink. 

He kneels in front of you, and motions for you to take off your flight suit. You slip it halfway off, letting it rest around your waist. Poe sucked in a breath through his teeth as he saw the bruises blooming across your torso and arms. You’d gotten tossed around pretty bad, getting knocked through space by several of the TIEs. You’d slammed your sternum right into the dashboard at one point, and small fragments of something had slashed open nearly every bit of exposed skin and even some under your suit. 

“Y/N…” he says quietly, tearing up. You bite the inside of your cheek, hating to see him so upset. 

He gets to work cleaning your cuts. He’s as gentle as he can be, but you still hiss as the cold water on the washcloth cleans out your cuts, and tears start to fall as he bandages up a particularly bad cut on your stomach. He holds your hand the whole time, letting you squeeze his hand as hard as you need to, never even flinching as your vice grip tightens around his fingers. 

“Ok, baby, let me check your legs and then you’re all set,” he says, and you turn away, face flushing with nervousness. He’s confused for a second, then has a moment of understanding. He’s never seen you naked - you weren’t ready to get intimate yet, so you guys had been taking it slow, and now really wasn’t the best time to breach that barrier. “You can change into the shorts first,” he says quietly, and you look back at him gratefully. 

You make your way to the refresher unit, shutting the door behind you. You peel off your flight suit the rest of the way, followed by your undergarments, crusted with blood from the cuts on your stomach. You pile the discarded clothes in a pile by the shower, and slip on the shirt and shorts Poe had leant you. You take the opportunity to glance into the mirror above the sink, and grimace at the reflection that gazes back at you. Hair messy and tangled, face bruised and covered with small cuts, you were not a pretty sight to behold. Sighing, you head back into the main room. 

Sitting back down on the bed, you lean against the wall and stretch your legs out in front of you. Poe sits down on the mattress next to you, surveying your exposed limbs. They aren’t as bad as the upper half of your body, but they definitely aren’t good. He dabs at the cuts gently, taking your hand again. He mutters sweet nothings as you clench your teeth and shut your eyes tightly for the next few minutes as he finishes up. 

“All done,” he eventually says, and you relinquish your grip on his hand, wiping the tears from your eyes. He looks up at you, and you almost melt at the love in his eyes. You realize in that moment how lucky you are - that no matter what, he’ll always take care of you. Always. 

“Thank you,” you say quietly, and he smiles softly, opening his arms. You crawl over to where he’s leaned against the headboard and collapse into his embrace, breathing beginning to even out. 

“You need sleep, baby,” he says, and you nod. “You can stay here, if you want.” You nod again, and he presses a kiss to your hair. “I’ll grab some extra blankets from the closet.” He gets up and goes to retrieve them. You get under his comforter and lay your head down on one of the pillows. Your eyes drift closed.

 Poe pads back over to the bed and pauses, looking down at you. He swallows thickly, tearing up. He makes a promise to himself then and there that he’d never lose you like that. Never again. 

He lays another blanket over you, then switches off the lights. He quickly changes into some sleep clothes and then gets under the covers, laying down facing you. 

“Poe?” you mumble, searching for his face in the dark. 

“Right here, honey,” he says softly, and you inch closer to him, a bit nervous to get too close. He senses your unease and smiles softly. “Cmere,” he says, draping a hand over your waist and pulling you close to him. You tuck your head against his chest, a warm feeling creeping into your very core. Being this close to him is grounding. You take a deep breath in. The scent of the lavender soap he uses clings to his skin, and it washes over you. You listen to his breathing, feel the rise and fall of his chest. 

“I love you,” you breathe, eyes widening as you realize what you just said. The two of you haven’t exactly said it before. You feel Poe freeze beside you, and your heart drops. You mentally kick yourself. How could you say that right now?

“I love you too,” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice. You blush furiously as he tilts your head up with his thumb and forefinger. “To the edge of the universe and back.” He presses his lips to yours, feather soft. 

“I love you,” you say again, just because you can. He smiles softly. 

“I’m proud of you, I want you to know that,” he says after a while. “For...getting through all this. I know it hurts, and it’ll stay that way for a bit, but…” he pauses, taking your hand in his. “But I’ll always be here if you need me. To talk, or just listen. You can lean on me, ok?”

“Ok,” you say quietly, looking up into his eyes. 

“Ok,” he whispers.

“Ok.” You smile, and his heart flips at the beauty of it. He pulls you into his chest once more, and you’re out like a light almost instantly. He presses his lips to your forehead before drifting off, holding you tightly in his arms.

Please Don't Say you Love me

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!Reader

Based on Please Don't Say you Love me by Gabrielle Aplin:

Just please don't say you love me, Cause I might not say it back, Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping When you look at me like that

Word count: 915

Warnings: slight angst (happy ending), mentions of past toxic relationships

A/N: it's like 4am this is probably riddled with typos sorry lol

GIF from thestarwarsdaily

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad,” you say, laughing.

“No, it’s absolutely awful,” Poe says, chuckling as he tosses a grape into the air and catches it in his mouth. The two of you were discussing a drawing BB-8 had somehow sketched out with his little stylus of the three of you. “Look, I love the little guy to death, but I looked like Chewie.” You laugh loudly, tilting your head back. Poe’s heart skips a beat. He grins as he watches pure joy blossom on your face. You glance back at him, propping your head on the heel of your hand.

“Oh!” you say, sitting up quickly and twisting around. “I just remembered.” Your boyfriend raises an eyebrow as you reach into your bag behind you and pull out a small, paper-wrapped parcel. You bite your lip as you hand it to him, watching excitedly as he tears through the brown packaging.

“Oh. My. Gods,” he says quietly, surveying the small book. “You found it?”

“Sorta,” you say, grinning. “Technically, Finn found it. He was on that supply run last week and saw it - he remembered me talking about wanting to get it for you and bought it.” The volume was filled with old Yavini fairytales - ones Poe would murmur to you when you couldn’t sleep. You’d asked him where he’d learned them, and he’d told you about a (much older) copy of this book that Shara would read to him when he was younger. Ever since that night, it had been your mission to find it.

“You are…” he trails off, flipping through the delicate pages. “Amazing.” You blush as he looks up at you and takes your hand in his. You lean towards him, and he meets you halfway, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Your eyes meet as you break away, and a soft blush creeps into your cheeks as he looks at you with pure adoration. “I love you,” he says.

Your stomach drops, smile faltering.

“Oh-” you look down, panicked, and feel Poe tense.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just…” you trail off, not knowing what to say. Certainly not the words that just tumbled from Poe’s mouth - you don’t know how long it’s been since you said that. Since you’d had a reason to say it. “I can’t...I don’t…” Poe’s jaw clenches.

“Oh, I see,” he says. You can hear the hurt in his words, and it sends a jolt of guilt shooting through your chest.

“No, Poe, it’s not-”

“Forget it,” he says, standing up and walking away. Your resolve crumbles as his rigid form grows farther and farther from you, and hot tears spill from your eyes and trace down the bridge of your nose and the apples of your cheeks, falling onto the grass below you.

“I just don’t get it,” Poe says, frustratedly rubbing his eyes with his left hand. Rey listens from where she sits at her desk. “We’ve been together for...gods, for nearly a year now, and…” he trails off, throat closing up. His friend glances up from the HoloFile she’s been reviewing, tilting her head slightly.

“And what?”

“They acted like I stuck them with a hot poker,” he murmurs. “Do they want to break up? Did I do something? I just don’t understand.” Rey sighs, closing her datapad and making her way across the room to stand in front of him.

“You know what happened with their last relationship, right?” she says quietly, and his head snaps up. She waves a hand dismissively. “Not like that,” she reassures, and the pilot relaxes. “They just...it was hard on them. You need to give them time.” Poe’s face falls. He had been awful to you. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain, just...walked away. He sighs, upset with himself.

“Thanks, Rey,” he says, headed for the door.

“Anytime,” the brunette says, returning to her work.

Poe sees you sitting under the big tree by the pond once he makes his way outside, and walks over.

“Hey…” he says softly, and your head whips up. His chest grows tight as the slight shine on your face becomes evident. You’d been crying. And it was his fault. “Look, I’m sorry, baby, I-”

“No, Poe, I’m sorry, it's just-”

“You don’t have to explain, stardust,” he murmurs, sitting down next to you. He takes one of your hands in his. “It’s okay, really. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I think I just got caught up in the moment, and, well…” he motions vaguely. You nod, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“It’s just hard for me to say,” you murmur as he rests his head on top of yours. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t, it’s just - it’s hard.” You feel him nod in understanding.

“That’s okay, sweetheart. Is it...is it alright if I say it?” he asks hesitantly, and you smile.

“Yeah,” you say, lifting your head to look into his eyes. A mischievous grin breaks across your face. “Any chance for me to be told how great I am is warmly welcomed.” He rolls his eyes, playfully jabbing you in the side. You cackle, shoving him lightly.

“Well then,” Poe says, smiling at you warmly. “Y/N L/N, I love you.” You blush furiously, burying your face in his shoulder. He grins, pressing a kiss to your hair. He wraps his arms around you and smiles. “Very, very much.”

taglist: @staarshines

Tomorrow.

Pairing: Rey x Reader

Word count: ~540

Warnings: discussion of being shot and its side effects, death

Summary: Rey has gotten used to the fact that casualties are a given in any war. She just wasn't ready for you to be one of them.

a/n: oops

A blaster shot slices through your torso, singing your skin like a red-hot poker. You cry out, and your own blaster clatters to the mossy ground as your vision goes spotty. Fuck, it hurts - there’s air moving through the wound, ripping through layers of sinew and muscle.

Stumbling, you make your way into the forest, eventually collapsing to the ground.

You tilt your head up to the canopy of trees that stretches forever and ever above your head. It makes you feel so small, so insignificant. It’s weirdly comforting.

You choose to not think about how colors begin to warp and smear around you like some kind of sick kaleidoscopic vision.

From her post at a nearby blast door, Rey sees you run into the forest, clutching a hand to your side. Her stomach drops.

No.

She races after you, frantic, throwing aside any trooper who dares to get in her way. They fly back against the trees, their necks snapping as they hit the firm trunks with a loud crack.

“Y/N!” she screams, sprinting through the cluster of foliage and branches.

“Rey?” you call out as loud as you can, swallowing thickly as blood fills the back of your throat. She follows your voice, eventually finding you tucked between two thick trunks that seem to extend for miles into the sky. Falling to her knees beside you, she gathers you in her arms, cradling your head with a shaking hand.

“Heyheyhey, look at me, ok? Just look at me.” You do as she says, and glance up, your eyes finding hers, filled with tears. An overwhelming feeling of guilt surges in your chest. You don’t want to leave her like this.

“You’re ok, you’re ok,” she murmurs, looking for anything she can use to pack your wound. “You’ll be ok. We’ll be ok.”

“Rey,” you say, a pained look on your face. She furrows her brows, fervently shaking her head as she begins to tear off a piece of her tunic.

“No, we’ll- you’ll be fine, I can-”

“Rey,” you say again, your tone pained but firm. She looks back at you, lips trembling.

“Please. I can’t lose you.” There it is again, that guilt. Your mouth contorts as you try to hold back tears.

You bring a blood-smeared palm to her cheek and rest it there, your touch gentle as a gust of warm summer air. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” you say quietly. “Have I ever told you that?”

She lets out a strangled sob. “Y/N...”

“And I know-” you grit your teeth as another jolt of pain racks through your body. “-that this isn’t the best time, but...I don’t think there’ll be-”

“Stop,” Rey breathes. “Just...tell me tomorrow, ok? We can take the Falcon out to that beach planet, the one you like. Tell me then.” You nod tightly, shifting slightly so your head is in the crook of her elbow.

“Tomorrow, then,” you say, words slurring. She nods tearfully, brushing your hair away from your face. You lean into the touch, sighing. Your eyelids close.

“Tomorrow,” she says, and you go limp in her arms.

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permanent: @staarshines

Never Have I Ever

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Word count: 2k

Warnings: none besides Rose and Finn being conspiratorial little shits

Summary: You've always been too nervous to tell Poe how you feel. A night out after the end of the war may change that.

It feels surreal, to put it simply. It’s over. It’s finally over. For years, you’ve known nothing but chaos and panic and uncertainty. But now, you can leave all of it in the past. Palpatine’s gone. The war’s over.

Leaping from your x-wing, you spot Poe across the tarmac. He locks eyes with you, breaking into a huge, beaming grin. You sprint towards him, sporting an equally bright expression. He holds out his arms, and you leap into them. He spins around as you bury your face in his neck, laughing. He sets you down, placing his hands on your upper arms.

“We did it,” he breathes, and you nod in disbelief.

“We did it,” you repeat, still smiling. You’re about to compliment a particular barrel roll he’d pulled off earlier when Finn comes barreling over, wrapping him in a bear hug. You smile, walking away to grab some water and allow Poe some time with his friend.

He watches your retreating form with a faint smile, content with the universe for the first time in years. Finn looks at him with a knowing expression and nudges him with his elbow. Poe snaps his head around, cheeks flushed.

“You should tell her,” he says, and Poe’s eyes widen.

“No way,” he replies, carding a hand through his hair. “What if I fuck everything up?” Finn rolls his eyes.

“Poe, I love you, but you’re the most oblivious man I’ve ever met.” This earns him a shocked expression from the older man, and he laughs. “Trust me. Just tell her.” Poe opens his mouth to object, but loses what he was going to say as Rey walks up and wraps him and Finn in a hug.

You watch as the three embrace, smiling. You’re so proud of Poe your chest could burst. He’d handled that last battle with the grace and strategy you’ve seen in him time and time again. You hear footsteps headed your way and glance up, to find Rose standing next to you.

“Hey,” she says quietly, and you scooch to the left a bit to give her space to sit, patting the bench next to you. “It’s crazy, huh?”

“Yeah,” is all you can manage, but you can tell that she understands the magnitude of emotions contained in your reply. No words could encapsulate the feeling of joy and relief flowing through you.

“I heard Poe did some pretty amazing flying out there.”

You grin, nodding. “He really did. Per the usual, of course.” Smiling, she takes in the look of admiration on your face.

“You like him.” Not a question, just a statement. An observation. You look at her slowly and nod.

“I do,” you say, taking a sip of water from the canteen in your hand.

“He likes you, I think. From what Finn’s told me.” You splutter, choking on your drink.

“What?” you exclaim, face turning red as a tomato as you cough. She laughs loudly, and you shoot her a death glare. “If you’re pulling my leg I swear-”

“I’m not, I promise.”

Narrowing your eyes, you swallow another mouthful of water. “What exactly has Finn told you?”

“He’s caught Poe staring at you too many times to count, that damn idiot never shuts up about you, and once Rey saw him fiddling with his mom’s ring behind his back while talking to you,” she lists, ticking off the instances on her fingers.

“That doesn’t mean he likes me,” you point out, and Rose sighs. Ignoring her, you continue. “He could’ve just been spacing out, we’re friends, so he’s bound to talk about me, and he just has a thing about not being able to sit still. Those are just...normal Poe things.”

“What are?”

You whip your head around, to see him standing right behind you. Of course.

“Nothing,” you reply calmly, glowering at Rose as she tries to contain her laughter. “Just talking about that maneuver you did earlier. Very impressive.” He grins, clapping you on the shoulder.

“Thanks,” he laughs. “Anyways, we’re headed out to celebrate-” he gestures to Finn, Rey, and his squadron. “-would you guys wanna come?”

Rose nods excitedly, and you do the same. “Sounds awesome.”

The music in the bar pounds in your ears. Normally, you hate crowded, public settings like this - they stress you out. However, you decide to make a special exception for tonight. After all, you just saved the fucking galaxy.

Poe, expectedly, makes a beeline for the bar with Jess. They order several rounds of shots and bring the drinks back to the table the rest of you are sitting at. He slides into his spot next to you, his thigh brushing against yours.

“Ok,” he says loudly, so your group can hear him over the clamor of the establishment. “Never have I ever - pretty simple,” he adds when Rey shoots him a look of confusion. “We’ll go around the table. Someone will say something. If you’ve done what they say, you take a shot. Snap, you go first.”

“Ok, uh, never have I ever gone on a supply run hungover,” he replies, grinning. Poe groans, taking a shot. You gasp as Finn does, too.

“No!” you say, aghast.

“It was one time!” he shouts in defense of himself, and Rey chuckles.

“He threw up within the hour,” Rose says, and you snicker. Finn kicks the mechanic under the table.

“Alright, settle down,” Jess says, clearing her throat. She shoots a pointed glance at Karé. “Never have I ever flirted with a superior officer to get a different assignment.” The woman sighs, pouring liquor into her mouth. Blushing, you do the same. Poe gapes at you.

“You’re kidding me.”

“It wasn’t here,” you admit. “Navy stuff.” Snap laughs as he recalls the event you’re talking about. “I was about to get assigned janitorial duty for the seventh week in a row, so I insinuated some very...” you pause, grinning. “inappropriate things to my commander. He put me on guard duty on the bridge instead.”

A strange feeling flares in Poe’s chest as you and the others laugh about how flustered the officer had gotten, and his knuckles turn white as he clenches the table. You discreetly nudge his leg with your knee.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, and any jealousy he’s feeling melts away as he takes in the concern in your eyes.

“Yeah,” he nods. You smile.

“Cool.”

“Okay, okay,” Karé laughs, shooting a death glare at Jess. “Rose. Your turn.” She smiles conspiratorily at Finn, who nods at her, before glancing at you briefly. You send a befuddled look towards Rey, who simply shakes her head, shrugging.

You have a bad feeling about this.

“Never have I ever…” she trails off, scratching her chin animatedly. “Had a crush on a close friend.”

Your stomach drops. Rose giggles as she feels you tense up beside her.

“Fuck you,” you say, throwing back a shot. A barrage of gasps sounds from your friends. “Oh, grow up,” you laugh, and Finn chuckles. You glare at him, and he raises his hands in surrender. Slowly, Poe leans forward, grabs a shot, and knocks it back. You barely constrain your shock.

“Oh my gods WHO?” Karé squeals, clapping her hands together.

“That’s not part of the game,” Poe quips, offering her a smug expression. She turns hopefully to you, and you laugh.

“No way,” you say, shaking your head. She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout, before letting her mouth fall open.

“Is it someone here?” she asks breathlessly. You clear your throat, face heating.

“I’m gonna go get some fresh air,” you murmur, slipping out of the booth. Karé and Jess boo loudly at your excuse, but you just flip them off as you head outside.

A light breeze tangles its fingers in your hair and tugs at your shirt, small ripples moving along the fabric. You take a seat on a nearby bench, bringing your legs up and crossing them over each other. Fiddling with a loose thread on your sleeve, you glance upwards. The sky above is littered with small pinpricks of light, twinkling back at you.

A creaking noise sounds to your right, and you look back, to see the door to the bar open. You watch as Poe walks through it, puffing his top lip out and shoving his hands in his pockets. He glances in your direction. You offer him a small wave, which he returns, making his way over to where you sit.

“May I?” he asks, and you nod, turning your gaze upwards once more. He does the same, laying an arm across the back of the bench.

“I wonder how many of those we’ve flown by,” he wonders aloud, motioning to the countless stars and planets above you.

“Probably lots. We really went all over, huh?” He smiles, nodding. You stand, walking to the gate in front of the bar and leaning on it. Poe follows suit, bracing his forearms behind him as he leans back.

“Look, it’s stupid of me to ask, and you don’t have to answer, but...who was it?” You turn your head toward him, puzzled. He nods to the bar. “The game. That last question.” You scoot closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. The familiar gesture makes him smile.

“Eh, you don’t wanna know,” you say, and he chuckles.

“Oh, but I do.” You laugh. There’s a moment of silence (not uncomfortable - it never is with Poe) as you figure out how to word your next statement.

“It’s a bit complicated,” you admit, and he turns his head to look down at you.

“Oh?”

“I really like this person, but I also love how close I am with them right now. I’m worried that if they know, that…” you trail off, worried that voicing your concerns will bring them to fruition.

“That everything will change,” Poe finishes quietly. You swallow nervously. “That you could lose them, and you don’t know-” he takes a deep breath “-you don’t know what you would do if that happened.” You turn to face him as he leans up to stand straight, heart pounding in your chest so loud you swear he can hear it. His eyes flit down to your lips momentarily, and your breath hitches.

“Poe,” you say, barely above a whisper. His eyes lock onto yours, and you bite the inside of your cheek.

You open your mouth to continue, but your words die in your throat as he takes your face in his hands. Your whole body goes rigid, and he notices, starting to pull away. Panicking, you place your hands over his, silently reassuring him that it’s ok. He smiles softly, and your cheeks warm.

“Can I kiss you?” he murmurs, and you nod, heart racing. He brings his mouth down to yours tentatively, nose brushing against yours. You smile against his lips, bringing a hand up and burying it in his curls. He fits his hands to your waist, thumb gently brushing over your side. His lips taste like the tequila you’d both taken shots of in the bar, and it’s sweet on your tongue, reminding you of the nectar from the sapflowers back home on Naboo.

The two of you break apart, hot breaths mingling in the small space between you.

“You have no idea,” he murmurs, smile as bright as a thousand suns, “how long I’ve wanted to do that.” His grin widens as you grow flustered, mouth twisting into a small smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” you say, eyebrows furrowing together. “I didn’t want to mess everything up, and there just wasn’t a good-”

“Hey,” he says gently, taking your hand. “It’s ok, you have nothing to be sorry for.” You smile.

“I really like you,” you say, and he laughs warmly, bringing a hand to your cheek.

“I really like you, too,” he responds, and you lean into the touch. “We should probably head back in, or they’re gonna think we abandoned ship.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you say.

Nobody says anything if they notice how you and Poe hold hands for the rest of the night, sitting closer than you usually do, talking only to each other.

It seems natural, if anything. Like it’s always been that way. Like it’s how it should be.

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permanent: @staarshines

Homecoming

   I’m so sorry its so long and sad. I hate it. It might make you cry beware.

   Warning: Death, angst

    The war was done. The Empire had fallen, the Rebels had won. Rex let out a shout for his brothers he lost. For the Jedi who had fallen. Rex let a tear slip out, as he looked upon his generals, and honorary brothers, children. Even after a year it still felt like yesterday he had helped win the war. He had known there was something special about them when he had first met them. They looked like them. He knew he’d give his life for those children just like he would have their parents. 

    He was lost in thought when the boy, Luke, came up to him. He looked so much like his father but had his mother's personality. She would have loved him. He let out a small chuckle, it was funny he looks so much like his father but acts nothing like him. 

    “Commander Rex.” Luke's voice broke through his thoughts.

    “Whatca need Kid?” Rex said standing at attention and saluting. Luke laughed and saluted back. 

    “You don't need to do that Rex. Not anymore. Anyway I came over to ask you something.” Rex relaxed and sat down on a crate and motioned Luke to follow. And Luke obliged.

“You worked with my dad right? What was he like? What was my mom like?” Rex laughed. Maybe he did have some of his father in him. 

    “I did work with him. I worked with him for all of the Clone Wars along with his master and padawan. He was my brother. I would have given my life for him and he would have sacrificed his life for me and my brothers. He was one of the best generals in the army and I was proud to serve alongside him.” 

    Rex paused a minute to take a breath. And saw Leia trying to act like she wasn’t listening. She looked so much like Padme but acted so much like Anakin. “Anakin Skywalker was a proud man who would have given the world for those he loved. He fought right alongside us and never left our side. He was kind, and protective. He only wanted the best for those he loved. He was inventive, and creative. A great flyer and brother. He was everything a man could be. I don’t know why he did what he did, but that wasn’t him. Sure he had his faults but every one did.”

     “What were his faults?” Luke asked. Rex laughed.

     “He was reckless, and could be selfish. He could be impatient and over-confident. He could lie like nobody's business. You should have seen him woo the Queen of  Zygerria. He got her to believe anything he said until he was revealed as a Jedi, even then she was still infatuated with him. Leia reminds me a lot of him. He was charming beyond belief. I will miss him.” Rex trailed off and Luke looked at his hands. Rex wondered what was going on in the youngsters mind. 

     “What about my mother.” Luke said looking the old soldier in the eye.

      “Padme Amidala. The senator of Naboo. Close friend to the Jedi. Padme was a great speaker. Kind and loving. Always looking for the best. Calm in trying situations. She spoke for those who had no voice. She spoke with a confidence beyond her time, with a voice that drew every eye to her. She was an amazing politician. Always looking for the good in people. Always giving mercy. You remind me of her. And so does Leia.” Rex stopped to smile. 

      “I see both of them in you. In the way you smile. In the way Leia talks. In the way Leia stands up for the weak. Luke, as I get older I see the same eyes in different people. I see Anakin in Leia’s eyes and Padme in yours. I look at you and see all that could have been and all that was. I miss your parents but like them I’d give my life for both of you.” Rex looked at the blonde haired boy sitting beside him. And Luke looked up at him and smiled. Rex felt some discomfort in his chest. Rex shot up and his breath came in short spurts,  and collapsed. Luke shot up. 

    “REX!” Luke shouted and ran to him and Leia did too. Together they both rolled him over. Luke shaked him.

      “Rex are you ok?” Rex gave a small smile, but he wasn't looking at Luke. He was looking past him.

      “Fives, Echo, Hardcase, Jesse, Tup, and Cody. You're all here. You're all here.” Rex looked behind Luke and was looking at his brothers. All of them. All who died in the name of the Jedi and all who died during Order 66. He saw Gregor laughing with Hardcase and Jesse with his arm around Tup. Fives and Echo with their arms around each other. And Cody, his best friend Cody had his hand out to him. But the one person he didn’t expect to see was Anakin. His general looking  like he did during the Clone Wars. With that grin that showed he was up to no good, Obi-Wan right beside him, his eyes shining brightly. 

     Rex smiled. They hadn’t forgotten about him. They had come for him. A single tear slipped out of his eye down his face and he reached out. He reached out, one last time. For those who had gone before him. His time had come, and it was finally his turn to pass. A small smile was on his face as his hand passed through the air and his heart beat its final beat. Tears streamed down Luke's and Leia’s eyes as they saw a strong soldier die happy. This was a warrior who had fought two wars and survived. He died a warrior's death. He lived a long life and deserved to have peace. 

    “Sleep well my friend.” Luke whispered.

     While Rex may have died he was finally alive. While his hand may have slipped through air in the air. His soul had left his body. He had grabbed onto the hand of his brother. Rex was young again! His blonde hair was back and his brown eyes sparkled with the joy of youth again. Cody pulled him into a hug. 

     “Good to have you back brother.” Rex said nothing as he hugged his brother back and turned to his other brothers. Fives and Echo ran up to him, shoving to take point. Before Fives shouted at him. 

    “Permission to take point sir?” Rex laughed and made his way over to his younger brother. 

     “I’m always first kid.” Rex laughed and grabbed him pulling him into a hug, Echo joining in. Rex let out a small sigh as he looked at Hardcase bouncing and laughing to giddy to stay still.

    “You're a good man Rex.” His generals voice said from behind him. 

    “Always quick on your feet.” Said the other Jedis' voice. Rex saluted them and saw behind them the last brother. The brother he had been looking forward to seeing. The brother who thought he didn’t deserve to be there. Rex pulled away from the Jedi and walked towards him. 

     “Jesse.” Jesse refused to look at him. 

    “Jesse, I don't blame you. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.” Tears slipped down Jesses’ face and Rex walked forward and grabbed him into a hug. 

    “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I tried to kill you. I tried to kill the commander.” Rex didn’t let him pull away. 

    “Your chip. That's the reason you attacked us. We knew that.” Jesse finally hugged him back. Soon the others had joined them. Reminiscent of what would happen after a battle. A giant pile of clones just holding and comforting each other. Rex smiled. He was home. He was happy.